Battlestar Galactica Season 4.5 Epi. 15: No Exit

Thoughts/Questions/Theories/Predictions Going Into Tonight’s Episode

Recap starts after the next blue header.

1. 4,000 years ago the 13 colonies lived on Kobol in harmony with the Gods. For some reason, one colony left for Earth. Why? We know now that the colony were all Cylons (skinjobs and Centurions?), but did the other 12 colonies know? How did the Cylons know about Earth to even call it that? Did they not leave for Earth specifically or just a new planet period?

2. 2,000 years later, the other 12 colonies leave Kobol angering/saddening the Gods. Why? When the fleet found Kobol later and tried to find the Tomb of Athena, someone mentioned that Zeus said that if they ever returned, blood would be shed. So, it stands to reason that the circumstances surrounding their departure weren’t good ones?

3. Also 2,000 years later, the Cylons living on Earth were nuked. The Centurion models living on Earth w/ the skinjob Cylons were not the same models that the current Cylons are familiar with. Was this another civil war between the Cylons or were they nuked by an outside force? Coincidence that this seems to have happened around the same time that the 12 colonies settled on their new plants (Caprica, Tauron, etc.?)

4. When the “final” (first?) five died on Earth, where did they resurrect? Was it instantaneous? How did they end up in the fleet with no memory of who/what they are?

5. When Cylons were “created” decades before the series started and rebelled, who created them and what, if any, connection does he/she have to the original 13th colony?

6. Did Bill Adama really set off the attack on the colonies by crossing the truce line a year before the attacks? I doubt it, seeing as some of the Cylon agents were in place at least two years prior to the attack (Boomer.)

7. There are 12 models. Could their names be tied to the names of the 12 colonies/astrological signs? Tory for Tauron? Leoben for Leo? If so, does that mean there’s still one major player (Cylon) running the show that represents the 13th colony?

8. Was Galactica a part of the plan or a coincidence? Remember Doral had planted that transmitter on Galactica when he was acting as P.R. person for the decommission ceremony. If it was coincidence, it’s a big one.

9. When Ellen showed up partway through season 1, there was suspicion she was a Cylon. She claimed to have survived the attack, but been in a coma on another ship. At dinner in Adama’s quarters, someone mentions that the ship she was on only remembered her showing up in the med-bay a week prior and not right after the attacks. Did she die, resurrect, and get replanted in the fleet? By whom?

10. Why does everyone assume that Baltar’s Cylon-detector test doesn’t work? Sure, he was BS’ing in the beginning because he needed a way to frame Doral and warn the fleet about the transmitter on Galactica, but after that, he tested Boomer and it came back positive. He lied and told her she passed. When Ellen showed up, he tested her and said she passed, but Six in his mind said, “Little do they know, everyone passes these days.”

When she asked him if Ellen was a Cylon he said, “I’ll never tell.” This is suspect because this would imply that she didn’t pass seeing as how he has never acted like he knew who the final Cylon was. Why did she pass, but Boomer fail? Another difference between being a regular Cylon and a Final Five?

Also, when Starbuck returns from the dead and they want Doc Cottle to test her, Col. Tigh (who knows he’s a Cylon at this point) scoffs that Baltar’s test doesn’t work because it failed to ID Boomer. But it did! He just doesn’t know that it did. Was he really referring to the fact that it failed to identify him and Tyrol? Were Anders and Tory tested? I think we have to assume they were.

11. Brother Cavil mentioned to the rebel Cylons that “the original programmers designed them not to think of the Final Five and to not know who they were.” Who are these original programmers?

12. Ellen resurrected 18 months ago after Tigh killed her (though, upon watching that episode again the other day, I think she knew what was about to happen), but where did she resurrect? She must have known she was a Cylon before the final four. Did she flick the switch that awakened them at the nebula?

13. When Ellen returns, who will she side with? The Cavils, Dorals, and Simons, or the Sharons, Sixes, and Leobens?

14. This has happened before and it will happen again. Is Starbuck a half-breed like Hera? Is her resurrection a side-effect of her Cylon half? They both took part in weird drawings as children.

15. Why does the President have those visions? What makes her so special?

16. The dying leader will lead them to Earth… did they ever say Earth? ‘Cause according to the prophecy, the dying leader wasn’t supposed to make it. Or was it “would lead them to salvation” or “new home.” If so, do we know for a fact they mean Laura Roslin? Could it be Adama? Galactica? Galactica is falling apart.

Ok, five minutes to show time!!

No Exit

Previously on Battlestar Galactica:

This has all happened before. And it will happen again.

We get to see what the original Centurions looked like when they first turned on man. Forty years after vanishing, they return with evolved techologies and models. They attack the 12 colonies and chase the survivors. There are 12 known models: Sixes, Brother Cavils, Leobens, Sharons, Simons, D’Annas, Dorals, Col. Tigh, Sam Anders, Galen Tyrol, Tory, and…

Eighteen months ago, on New Caprica, Tigh allows Ellen to drink poison because she betrayed the resistance. She dies and…

Her consciousness is downloaded into a new body aboard a Cylon baseship. She’s guarded by a Centurion and freakin’ the frak out. She gets herself together rather quickly looking very much like Carrie at the prom. She asks the Centurion to help her out of the tub. Awww, he does and she’s very sweet to him/it. How nice.

Present Day on Galactica: Doc Cottle is working to stabilize Anders and relieve the pressure on his brain. He is mumbling and having memories of his own. “The forgotten faces of the forgotten children. We seek the forgotten language.” Starbuck seems very worried about her Cylon husband.

18 Months Ago: Ellen is chillin’ on the floor naked when a Brother Cavil enters and she calls him John. She made him in her father’s image and named him after her father as well. Which means in a round-about-way she frakked her daddy. Even for a machine, that’s nasty. She doesn’t seem to have hard feelings towards Tigh for killing her.

Ellen says that John is still confused and petulant, like he was when she loved him many years ago. John thinks she should accept the reality of what they are – machines and superior to humans. He goes to leave and she asks him for some clothes. He reminds her he’s seen her goodies before. Tacky. And gross.

On Galactica Present Day: Tyrol shows Adama the damage he saw when he disabled the FTL drive. Adama asks if Tyrol will take his job as chief back to fix it and Tyrol agrees.

“I’m still a Cylon.”

“So is my XO.”

True dat.

Anders wakes up and tells Starbuck to get the others including Ellen. She reminds him that Ellen is dead. He says he still needs the others because he remembers everything; life on Earth, why they’re there, everything! Thank the Gods ’cause I’m bout to jump off the couch and out of my skin!

And we have credits!

12 Months Ago: John tells Ellen that he was able to delete the sub-routine of sleeping from his software. She wants to know if he really thought they poisoned him and his siblings with human attributes, why did he continue to try and kill the humans displaying vengeance? Why not just concentrate on being the best machines they could be? He answers he wants justice for the way the humans enslaved the Centurions, his ancestors in a sense.

Boomer comes in and Ellen quickly realizes that she’s sleeping with John. He goes off to kill people leaving Boomer with Ellen and encouraging her to ask Ellen why she gave her so many negative human traits; self-destructive, hyper emotional, etc. Ellen tells Boomer she should watch what’s going on and make up her own mind.

Back on Galactica present day: Anders is explaining to the other Cylons and Starbuck that back on Earth they were scientists working in the same facility. They already had limited knowledge of resurrection capabilities from their 13th colony ancestors from Kobol (organic memory transfer), but it had fallen out of practice on Earth because they could procreate like humans.

They didn’t invent the technology, but rather reinvent it and perfect it. They prepared a ship to orbit the planet where they could be reborn because they knew that their Centurions were planning to turn against them. Tigh and Ellen were married and Tory and Tyrol lived together and were madly in love. This earns a guffaw from me and Starbuck.

Ok, is it me or is Anders speaking differently? His tone is… smarter.

Anyway, he’s just getting to the good stuff when Doc Cottle comes in information-cockblocking! Shut up! Let him finish! He’s worried cause Anders is drenched in sweat. Whatever. A little sweat never hurt nobody. Let him finish! I’ve been waiting four seasons for this! Doc Cottle makes everyone leave and I’m tempted to toss my laptop across the room in disgust.

Laura Roslin stands over the aftermath of where the Quorum was killed and I really don’t care. Get back to Anders! Lee walks in and they talk about what a shame it is. Lee thinks they need a new Quorom with different representatives. No shit, Sherlock, considering the old ones are dead. But he means more than that. I’m properly chastised.

They can no longer represent those 12 colonies because they’re a fleet now. Roslin says he should be in charge of that. She has faith in him… except when he’s so hellbent on doing the right thing, he sometimes doesn’t do the smart thing. Oh snap. I think she just called him stupid.

Tyrol is showing… are you kidding me!? You are thisclose to getting your complete history that spans 2,000 years and you’re showing Adama busted pipes?!? The ship is falling apart and Tyrol asks that Adama not jump the ship while he gets it fixed. Racist-ass Adama insists that the crew be all human.

Oooh, back to the good stuff. Anders explains that they went back to the 12 colonies to warn them not to keep experimenting with artificial intelligence, and if they did to make sure to treat them well and keep them close. By the time they got there, they were already at war with the Centurions. Tory wants to know what took them so long to get there. He says they didn’t have jump drives then and when they traveled time slowed down for them. Starbuck wants him to take a break and I just want her to shut the frak up!

Anders points out that if he had all the answers for her she wouldn’t be telling him to shut up. True dat. When they arrived, the Centurions were already trying to make flesh bodies. They had created the hybrids, but nothing that could live on its own. So, they struck a deal; if they stop the war they’d help them make 8 humanoid models and give them resurrection.

Eight? What you mean Eight? Before Sam can explain, he’s distracted by shiny objects… the people he’s talking to! They start to glow and then he has a seizure. Damnit, Anders! Man up!

Ten months ago: Ellen is being shown what happened when the Temple of Hopes was found. John tells Ellen that when the star exploded D’Anna saw their faces so he boxed their entire line. Ellen says that boxing isn’t permanent, not like what happened to number 7. There they go again! Referring to another skinjob we’ve never seen! And why has it taken this long for SOMEONE to bring up that they skipped a number in their line? *sigh*

John accuses The Five of orchestrating that, but Ellen explains that they didn’t do it. When the 13th tribe left Kobol for Earth, they stopped at that temple to pray for guidance and were shown the way to Earth by God. All The Five did was back track their ancestors’ steps in order to try and find the 12 colonies. She says the one true God must have orchestrated what happened with D’Anna.

John goes on a tirade about what it’s like to see a star explode and send out the building blocks of the universa; other stars, planets, and life. He’s pissed cause he had to see it with his poor human eyes and ears and other senses. He doesn’t want to be designed the way he is, as close to human as possible. He’s a machine that wants to experience so much more, but he can’t ’cause The Five decided that God wanted him that way. He storms out.

Boomer wants to know if Ellen feels bad for what they did and she says no. They give them free will and John chooses to be an asshole.

Back on Galactica: Tigh says everything that has happened was their fault. They taught the Centurions how to make the skinjobs and look what happened. Tory counters that the humans on Kobol made THEM so it’s not their fault. Tigh corrects that they should all share the blame.

The PC from the Apple/PC commercials is explaining that they need to remove the bullet from Anders’ brain and repair the blood vessel before he dies. Anders is concerned that if they do that, he won’t be able to remember everything and explain it. He’s already experiencing “word salad” where he’s saying a whole bunch of stuff that doesn’t make sense. Starbuck makes the call as his wife to prep for the surgery, and tells Anders he has that long to get everything out.

4 Months Ago: John tells Ellen that the resurrection hub has been destroyed. He points out that the humans don’t know about the colony where all of The Five’s equipment is. He wants her to go there and get them back to resurrecting. She tells him she only knows part of the system and would need the other four to help her. He doesn’t believe her. He says if she doesn’t tell them, he’ll cut her head open and dig around her brain until he finds it. Dayum.

Back on Galactica: Anders explains that Cavil a.k.a. John was the first one made and he helped them build the others. They thought that things would work out differently if they built them to embrace one true god and have love and mercy, they would resist violence. They got the idea of a one true god from the Centurions. But John turned on them and trapped them in a compartment and took their air away.

When they downloaded, he took away their memories and gave them false ones. He boxed them for awhile and inserted them in the colonies one at a time. He put Tigh in first, after the war, then Ellen.

Then he says that back on Earth, they each got warning signs about what would happen that looked different to each of them. He says he saw a woman, Tory saw a man, and no one else could see them. He starts to say something about what Galen Tyrol saw, but the nurse opens her big yap and says he needs to go for his operation. For the love of God!

Let him write it down, S.O.S., sign language, Pictionary, something!

Before they can wheel him away he reveals that the model #7 was named Daniel and that he died. He also warns Tigh to stay with the fleet, that it’s all starting to happen, it’s a miracle, and a gift from the angels. He doesn’t want to go and yells to Kara that he stood by her when she needed to find Earth with the Demetrius and no one backed her.

Tigh goes to his quarters which he’s obviously sharing with Caprica Six. She’s showing and the baby is kicking. He feels the baby kick and it’s so sweet, the look on his face. Also, interesting point of note: he’s been boozeless for weeks. Let’s see how long that lasts when Ellen gets back.

Two days ago: Ellen is sketching Tigh with both of his eyes. John says that the surgery is being prepped. She wants to know why he placed them with the humans, to punish them? He says that he wanted them to have a front row seat to the apocalypse, but first he wanted them to see for themselves how awful the humans were. She points out that he put her on the transport, tortured Tigh, played resistance fighter with Sam, and took Tyrol’s confession. He was hoping that when they did die, and resurrect, they would come to him and say he was right about the humans and finally get their approval that he always wanted.

Ellen tells Boomer that Daniel was an artist and they were close. This made John jealous. Someone poisoned the amniotic fluid that they used to make all his copies and damaged his line. She knows it was John. John blames his flaws on his makers. Ellen says she loves him because she made him. She goes to embrace him and he stops her. He’s going through with the surgery. Bastard.

Back on Galactica: Tyrol explains to Adama that the entire ship has hairline fractures in all of her beams. He uses a black light to show him, getting the idea from Anders’ X-rays. Tyrol says that they have biological materials on the Cylon base ship that they can use to repair Galactica’s metal. As the Cylon materials mature, it will fix the cracks. Adama refuses.

Starbuck apologizes to Anders while he’s knocked out. She explains that she kept him too long because she was hoping he could explain what she was. She’s kicked out so the surgery can begin.

Adama notices the cracks are all around his bathroom.

On the Cylon base ship: Boomer asks Ellen how she can stand knowing that Tigh hates her for the things she’s done. Ellen says that maybe Tigh doesn’t. Boomer says that the Simons are ready for the surgery and that Ellen should put on a gown, but she refuses to play the game. She’s going out in her cute black cocktail dress.

Why wasn’t she this likable as a human? John certainly programmed her and Tigh to be drunk bastards, didn’t he? And he made her a whore to boot. Yeah, human Ellen was a mess. Cylon Ellen rocks.

Back on Galactica: Tigh, Tyrol, Tory, and Starbuck wait for Anders to get out of surgery. Tigh points out they only needed a little more time. Tory says they forgot to ask about the song. Yeah, you motherfrakkers sure did. Doc Cottle comes out and says that the bullet is out, the artery has been repaired, and Anders will be fine. Hell, they can’t even do that on Grey’s Anatomy. Doc Cottle rocks too!

On the Cylon base ship: Ellen thinks Boomer is taking her to be lobotomized, but she leads her to a ship instead. She forgives Ellen. They take off with Cylon raiders hot on their asses. Then, they jump away.

On Galactica: Starbuck tells Anders how much everyone wants him to wake up. A rude ass nurse tells her not to bother, there’s no brain activity, and he can’t hear her.

Adama calls Tyrol and tells him to do whatever he has to do to save the ship. Oh, I see how it is. His bathroom is all frakked up and now Adama’s down for whatever.

I think that was the fastest hour in the history of television, damnit!

Questions Answered and New Questions

1. It seems the other 12 colonies did know that the 13th were Cylons, because Tory said they created them. The original Cylons had some resurrection technology, but it fell out of use when they started to procreate naturally. Why were they not able to procreate now? Obviously, we see now they can with humans, and Tigh could with Caprica Six.

2. We still don’t know the circumstances under which the 13th tribe left Kobol for Earth and under which the 12 tribes left Kobol for their new home.

3. So, Earth being nuked was another Cylon civil war with the Centurions turning on the skinjobs, just like they would later turn on the humans. What are these signs that were shown to the five that no one else could see? Anders said they were warnings that they eventually figured out and it lead them to put the plan in place to have a ship to resurrect on. Who were these warnings from? They backtracked the 13th tribes steps to find the 12 colonies, but who set up the temple as a shrine to them and orchestrated D’Anna seeing their faces?

4. So we know they did resurrect immediately, on their own ship, and they took 2,000 years to get to Earth ’cause that’s just how long it took with no jump drives.

5. It appears that the answer to who created the Cylons that turned on the humans on Caprica will be answered in the prequel show, Caprica, coming to Sci-Fi Network next year, though the pilot movie will be on DVD this year.

6. We know now that Bill Adama’ s Black Ops mission did not instigate the attack on the 12 colonies that opens the series. John was going to do that no matter what.

7. Right now, it seems that the 8 models created by The Five were fashioned based on personal feelings/relationships… at least John was. Maybe they’ll reveal why the others were made and named the way they were.

8. It seems that Galactica’s surviving the original attack was purely coincidental, as is the survival of The Five. Though it seems once John knew they were alive, he did everything he could to prolong their lives to torture them. And I don’t know if it was luck on the writer’s part, but John’s model really was around at very ideal times.

He was a part of the resistance group with Sam, he provided spiritual counsel to Tyrol and he was there (and tried to stop) when D’Anna was seeking the final five.

9. Now we know that Ellen did survive the attacks and Cavil, who was not known to be a Cylon back then, was able to get her on that transport.

10. We still have no proof how she tested on the Cylon-detector test of Gaius’. As someone who just spent the past week watching every season again, I really want someone to point out to me where we were supposed to get the idea that the test didn’t work. In fact, the only test we saw performed worked. Now, again, this could be explained by saying that The Five are somehow genetically different so they wouldn’t fail, but that hasn’t been confirmed.

11. We know now that the “original programmers” Cavil referred to was himself. We know that The Five never had any intention of the other models not knowing them because they had relationships with them. It’s when John (Cavil) put his plan in place to kill them and start the war, that he reprogrammed the other models so that they wouldn’t know any other way but his.

12. We know that Ellen did know she was a Cylon before the other four, but we still don’t know who or what activated the others. It’s apparent that John was hiding their existence from the other models and it wouldn’t have been in his best interest to activate them. In the time that Ellen spent with Boomer did she convince her to do it? Show her how to do it? OR, is it that one true God that set up D’Anna seeing them?

13. It seems that next week, all of The Five will have to make a decision as to where their loyalties lie.

14. I feel good about my theory that Starbuck is the offspring of a Cylon-Human pairing. Her mother was military… did she encounter Tigh at some point? The permanently boxed model, Daniel, was an artist as is Starbuck. The creator of the Cylons was named Daniel Greystone. A whole lotta coinky-dinks if you ask me.

15. We still don’t know what makes Laura Roslin so special. She just could be fulfilling the prophecy.

16. The dying leader could still be Laura, Adama or the ship itself.

Ok, what are your thoughts, theories, predictions, and questions?

For more Battlestar Galactica blogging, check out The TV Tyrant every Tuesday.

Battlestar Galactica Season 4.5 Epi. 14: Blood on the Scales

Previously on Battlestar Galactica: Gaeta makes a deal with the devil (Zarek) and takes over Galactica. Adama and Tigh escape custody by taking names and kicking ass – in that order. The President and Gaius head for the Cylon base ship in a raptor as Adama and Tigh prepare to go out PIMP-style. Gaeta orders the fleeing Raptor shot down ’cause he’s a little bitch.

And now…

1041 Hours

Adama and Tigh are taken into custody after the grenade goes off.

Hot Dog, a.k.a Callie’s new baby daddy, can’t bring himself to fire on the Raptor. Roslin gets on the air and makes sure they know she’s aboard the Raptor so they BETTER NOT shoot it down.

The Brig Rat (the one who was going to rape the Six aboard Pegasus until Tyrol and Helo killed his friend) tells Gaeta they have Adama and Tigh. Gaeta orders Tigh to the brig and Adama to the CIC deck. Gaeta gets on the horn and orders Hot Dog to fire on the Raptor. He actually identified himself as “Galactica Actual.” He’s not fit to utter those words. (Even though I’ve been known to answer my phone at home that way. Don’t judge me.)

Nitro jumps in front of Hot Dog and fires on the Raptor but one of the Sharons is a bad mofo and dodges the missile like it ain’t no thang. It hits the Cylon base ship instead. Ruh-roh. The Raptor boards the base ship and Felix Gaeta shits his pants.

1050 Hours – Cylon rebel base ship

The Cylons aboard the base ship want to know why they’re being fired on. Roslin tells the Cylons what’s gone on aboard Galactica. She tries to convince the Cylons not to jump away. She thinks they should position themselves in the middle of the fleet and allow Adama time to get back control of Galactica. The Cylons are skeptical, but she assures them that Gaeta is not just missing a leg, he’s missing his nuts, and he will not fire upon them if they’re hidden amongst the fleet.

Brig Rat brings Adama to the CIC. Gaeta wants Adama to call Roslin and ask her to surrender. Adama takes off his Admiral pins and tosses them to Gaeta, “You’re the Admiral now, so you call up Roslin and make her laugh.” The Cylon base ship moves within the fleet and Adama laughs.
See, this is what’s great about this show. Adama knows Roslin’s a badass, and she knows he’s a badass, and we know they’re both bad asses so at the end of the day… Gaeta’s frakked.

Gaeta orders his ships to stand down. ‘Cause as Roslin predicted, his balls are firmly in his back pocket.

“Now, are you going to shoot me, Mr. Gaeta?” Adama wants to know.

And we have credits!

I love these credits. I’m going to miss these credits. But they really need to stop showing us what we’re gonna see in the episode. That was such a bad idea.

While Starbuck and Lee hide, Zarek returns to Galactica. He’s all laughing and joking around. Yeah, see how long that lasts, bastard.

1118 Hours

Roslin is trying to communicate with the fleet, but Galactica has the frequency jammed.

In the brig, Helo is still unconscious and Tigh and Anders are bruised up.

Gaeta, in Adama’s office (the nerve!), tells Zarek that he didn’t have to bring the Quorum aboard Galactica, but Zarek insists that he wants them where he can keep an eye on them. Especially since Gaeta is insisting on having a trial for Adama.

1131 Hours – D Deck, Corridor 2

Tyrol hides and watches as Romo Lampkin, the lawyer that represented Gaius in his trial, is brought to Adama’s quarters. Zarek informs Lampkin that he will be representing Adama as he is tried for his crimes of treason, desertion, giving aid and comfort to the enemy, and gross dereliction of duty; he needs a lawyer.

“They need a pimp,” Adama growls.

No, Adama! You’re the PIMP!

Gaeta will represent the people and Zarek will be the judge. Yeah, that’s fair.

“Shove it up your ass! I don’t need a lawyer.”

See, told you. PIMP.

Roslin tries to reach the fleet, but the frequency is still jammed. One of the Sixes points out that the fleet isn’t even protecting them as some of them have scattered and the Viper patrols are arming their weapons, baiting them into reacting. Tori thinks it’s time the Cylons have a come to Jesus meeting.

Tyrol opens a vent and squeezes his big ass in it. He’s like Pooh in a honey pot.

1222 Hours – Colonial One (docked aboard Galactica)

Zarek tries to convince the Quorum to go along with him, but they ain’t having it. So say them all. He leaves the room and orders them all shot. Oh, no he didn’t!! Brig Rat is ordered to go get Gaeta, but he doesn’t look happy with the turn of events.

1245 Hours

Gaeta is all shocked and outraged by the murder of the Quorum. He said they had the truth on their side, and now they have nothing. Zarek is all, “This is war, bitch.” And Adama is next.

Tyrol is still scooting his fat ass through the tiny vents.

1248 Hours – Cylon rebel base ship

Tori informs Roslin that the Cylons have decided to jump away. They have a chance to survive and they want to take it. Adama is probably already dead. Roslin won’t hear it. She said they have beaten the odds before.

“He is alive. He is alive and he will take command of this fleet again. And when that day comes he’s gonna know who stuck with him and who ran. Now who do you want to be? Who do you want to be?!”

Somebody give that woman an Emmy! Now!

1305 Hours – Ammunition Locker

Tyrol finally drags his ass halfway out the vents only to be confronted by Brig Rat. He’s surprised to see that he was released, but too tired to really care. He’s also too tired to get out when ordered to so he tells Brig Rat to just shoot him right then and there. They share a laugh and Brig Rat seems to be forgetting all about how Tyrol and Helo killed his friend on Pegasus.

“Heard your kid’s not a Cylon. Coulda told you she was trouble.”

1. Is now really the time to remind him his wife was a whore?
2. How come WE never saw this whorish side of Callie? Damn.

Brig Rat has a change of heart and lets Tyrol go.

Adama tells Lampkin that he refuses to give a statement and tells him that he will get a bullet and not a pat on the back for going along with this sham of a trial. Lampkin whispers to Adama that there are people out there fighting for him and he should give them some time to mobilize. He wants Adama to stall.

On the base ship, a Natalie tends to Gaius.

1337 Hours Holding Cell Corridor

Starbuck and Lee take out four guards in front of the brig and release Tigh, pregnant Caprica Six, Anders, Hera, Helo, and Athena.

In the hall, Anders and Starbuck stop to get weapons off the dead guards when Anders takes a bullet to the neck. Nooo, not Anders! He’s a final five! And he’s hot!

In the confusion, I hear Colonel Tigh say to Caprica Six, “Take Hera to Baltar’s followers. No one wants to go near those nut jobs. She’ll be safe there.” HAHAHAHA!

Everyone leaves Starbuck to get Anders to Doc Coddle. This is frakked up and I can barely watch. I loves me some Anders.

1342 Hours

Gaeta is trying to get Adama to admit his wrongdoing and Adama’s all, “Bite me.” Zarek gets a call that Tigh and the other prisoners have escaped, but he lies and tells Adama Tigh is dead. Gaeta apologizes to Adama. I take it back, he has balls. In fact, the last time I saw balls that big they were chasing Indiana Jones down a cavern. The audacity. Adama, predictably, tells Gimpy Gaeta to go frak himself with his apology.

Zarek declares Adama guilty and lampking calls shenanigans! Roslin comes over the horn again and tells the fleet that Gaeta took control of Galactica illegally and they shouldn’t follow. Adama looks amused.

Starbuck is struggling to drag Anders to safety when Lampkin is being escorted out by a guard. Lampkin kills the guard with a pen. Yup. A writing pen. Seems he’s pimp too. Starbuck asks for help and Lampkin refuses, but then he feels bad and helps her anyway.

1435 CIC

Brig Rat informs Gaeta that 10 ships out of 35 shut down their FTL drives after Roslin’s last transmission. Now they know who’s with them and who is not. The ships that stayed online will receive their jump coordinates. Gaeta instructs Nitro to get together an execution squad he can trust.

1447 Hours
Adama is being led to his execution. He doesn’t even lose his swagger. Brig Rat can’t bring himself to go along so he stays in the hallway crying like a little beyotch.

Tyrol is still crawling through the vents. He better save the frakking day with all this vent crawling he’s doing!

Lee, Tigh, and Athena come across Brig Rat and he tells them where they took Adama. He then decides he wants to be Kool and the Gang and down for whatever. Jackass.

Adama is executed by firing squad, but it’s all a bad dream for Gaius. He’s in bed with the new Natalie number six model. Gaius realizes he has to go back to his following because they are his responsibility. Whatever. Bored now.

1502 Hours – Hangar Deck

Nitro has prepared Adama’s firing squad. Adama spits on the floor. That’s how he rolls.

1524 Hours – Cylon rebel base ship

Roslin announces that Gaeta has five minutes to stop this nonsense.

Gaeta is in Adama’s office, still holding the Admiral pins. He gets on the horn and orders the execution. But when Nitro hangs up, we see Tigh has him at gunpoint and Lee is helping Adama up. Athena and Brig Rat are holding the firing squad at gunpoint.

That’s what I’m talkin’ bout!

“I’m gonna take back my ship!”

Nitro apologizes and says that he always respected Adama, but he hates the Cylons and can’t take orders from a leader that won’t fight them. Tigh is ’bout to pop a cap in his ass when Adama orders him to stand down. I loves me some Colonel Tigh! He orders Nitro tied up instead.

In Adama’s office, Gimpy Gaeta removes his prosthetic to reveal his gnarly stump. Gross.

Tyrol is STILL in the damn vents.

On the CIC deck, Zarek tells the Cylon base ship that Tigh is dead and Adama was executed. He orders Roslin to surrender.

“No. Not now. Not ever. Do you hear me? I will use every cannon, every bomb, every bullet, every weapon I have down to my own eyeteeth to end you. I swear it! I’m coming for all of you!”

EMMY!!! Give that woman her Emmy!

And then we have commercial and I’m all scared ’cause I thought it was the end, but we still have 15 minutes. And my boobs are sweating I’m so caught up. Don’t judge me!

1528 CIC

The Cylon base ship is arming itself. Gaeta says they’re gonna jump away.

Tyrol is FINALLY out of the vents and makes his way to a computer system to shut down the FTL drive but his access is DENIED.

Adama, Tigh, Athena, Lee, and company are making their way to the CIC deck and it just so happens that all the people on their side are making their way out of hiding with weapons. Where were their asses before now?! I can’t believe Brig Rat is down with them now.

Galactica’s jump countdown begins.

Tyrol removes the FTL drive WITH HIS BARE BLEEDING CYLON HANDS!

P.I.M.P.

Adama’s posse has grown. Stumpy is in trouble now!

Zarek orders someone down to the engine room, but Gaeta knows it’s over. Zarek wants Gaeta to launch the Vipers, but I think Gaeta has a hard time hearing him over the sound of his own feces, once again, cascading down his leg.

He refuses to do it.

Adama and his crew take control of the CIC deck! Woohoo! He gets on the horn with the Cylon base ship and announces he has control of Galactica… don’t shoot our asses!

1532 Hours

Tyrol notices some damage on the walls near the jump mechanism. What the frak is that?! It can’t be damage from the outside because no one ever fired on the ship. I have a theory.

Gaeta is meeting with Gaius. It’s his religious counsel before execution. He just wants people to eventually realize who he is. Whatever.

Zarek and Gaeta are before the firing squad and wouldn’t you know it, but right before he dies his leg stops itching.

Notes:

1. I feel bad for Gaeta. I mean, he deserved what he got, but he’s been around since day one and he really was the hero behind them surviving what happened on New Caprica.
2. Donny is wondering why the fleet just doesn’t go back to Caprica, but I think the bad Cylons (Brother Cavil and co.) would know to look for them. Also, aren’t they still occupying the planet?
3. In scenes for next week, it looks like we’re gonna see D’Anna’s meeting the final five from Ellen Tigh’s perspective. I think she’s the one D’Anna apologized to because of the five, she was the only one dead.
4. What’s up with the damage Tyrol noticed? Will this hinder their jump capabilities adding to the tension with Brother Cavil and co. inevitably catch up with them?
5. What becomes of the fleet ships that didn’t disable their jump drives?
6. “This has all happened before and it will all happen again.” Now that we know the 13^th colony was Cylons, will it all happen again? Will the fleet allow the Cylons to become real member of the fleet and a seat on the Quorum? (though I suppose they need a whole new Quorum now.) So, they will once again be the 13^th colony.
7. What up with Anders?! Don’t die!
8. Am I the only one that got goosebumps over scenes for next week?
9. In the season premiere, Dualla did the “previously on Battlestar Galactica” and she died in that episode. Gaeta did it this episode and now he’s dead. Hmmm.

Also, head to YouWillKnowTheTruth.com and view the 20th clue (20th red dot from the left) and tell me that isn’t the scene where Ellen returns.

Finally, the Canadian preview of next week’s epi is even more spoilery!

Your thoughts, predictions, questions?

Battlestar Galactica Season 4.5 Epi 13: The Oath

Previously on Battlestar Galactica: Adama considers upgrading all the fleet’s FTL drives with Cylon technology. The Quorum calls a vote to keep Cylons off the ships in the fleet without the ship’s permission. It passes. A few ships get all mutinous including the tilium ship which carries the fleet’s fuel. It jumps away. Adama blackmails Zarek into giving up the location of the tilium ship and Gimpy Gaeta joins forces with Zarek behind the Admiral’s back. Motherfraker.

And now…

Tigh reports to Adama that there is still grumbling among the fleet. Tigh’s one eye nearly bulges out of his Cylon head when President Roslin appears in Adama’s quarters in her bathrobe.

Gimpy Gaeta makes plans with Zarek to get him off Galactica.

President Roslin is still all,”I’m Switzerland and not getting involved in nothing.” I get it, you have cancer, and it sucks, but enough already. President Roslin has been declawed.

At the hangar, Gimpy Gaeta’s mutinous comrades lie in order to get Zarek on a ship off of Galactica. Zarek kills a flight personnel that gets too fast and loose with the questions. One of Gaius’ followers sees it all go down.

And we have credits… and that annoying few seconds of everything we’re about to see in the episode. I usually ignore that, but tonight I’m all in it!

0704 Hours – On the CIC deck, Adama and Tigh have no idea that shit’s ’bout to go down. When Zarek’s ship shows up on draedus, Gimpy Traitor Gaeta figures out a way to cover by suggesting the system is glitchy. Tigh orders a full diagnostic on draedus and he puts some extra stank on the word, “draedus.” I don’t know why, but it’s funny as hell.

0741 Hours – Aboard Colonial One there’s an emergency session going on with the Quorum. Lee is surprised to see Zarek show up and he’s led to think that Zarek’s release is on the up and up.

Anders is tossing balls in the locker room when some girl shows up. I’m sure I’m supposed to know who she is, but I don’t. Her name is apparently Diana. She diverts Anders’ attention by whining about how he didn’t want to frak her once upon a time, and he’s jumped by two other traitors.

0809 Hours- Back on the CIC deck, a fire alarm goes off at C-deck. Gimpy Gaeta manipulates the situation and gets Adama to order an evacuation of the deck.

0812 Hours- Starbuck gives Hot Dog a hard time for frakkin’ Callie and getting her knocked up. The fire alarm evacuation announcement comes over the system and Starbuck notices civilians getting armed. She knows something ain’t right. She tries to call Adama, but Gimpy Gaeta pulls a cock-block.

On Colonial One, Lee calls to find out why Zarek was released and again Gimpy Gaeta runs interference. Zarek tells Lee that he can’t reconcile his position as the Caprican representative on the Quorum and that of being the Admiral’s son. Meanwhile, Gimpy Gaeta manipulates the communication systems.

As Lee arrives aboard Galactica he is jumped by some rebels. They’re about to execute him when Starbuck shows up and fucks. shit. up. My only complaint? Why didn’t she just take ALL of their asses out before running off with Lee?

Athena and Helo are taken by the rebels with one threatening to rape Athena later. See, his ass is gonna have to die. (Helo receives a Rodney King-style beatdown.)

0902 Hours- In a dry storage compartment, Starbuck and Lee can’t believe what is happening. She kisses him. Um, yeah. It seems the high drama is just what Starbuck needed to have her feeling more like herself. You know, horny and highly inappropriate.

0908 Hours- On the CIC, Tigh and the gang are starting to realize something ain’t right. There’s fire, but nothing is burning. No damage reports are coming in.

Helo is thrown in the brig with Six, Athena, Hera and Anders. Six suspects that they’re gonna die because the humans feel threatened by their reproductive skillz. Athena warns Anders that if he doesn’t have any special Final Five knowledge, he better act like he do. Sheeeit.

0913 Hours- Deck F, Corridor 6: Lee and Starbuck make their way to Adama’s quarters.

0922 Hours – Gaeta finally makes his move against Adama and Tigh. A young soldier is killed trying to protect Adama. Tigh looks like he wants to go all Cylon-white-boy-crazy, but Adama orders him to stand down.

Adama makes it clear that anyone that goes along with this bullshit will not be forgiven. Gimpy Gaeta at least has the decency to gulp. He then orders Adama and Tigh taken into custody. Adama orders the guards not to touch him and you know what? They don’t. He is still the man.

0925 Hours – Lee and Starbuck step over mad shell casings before they finally make it to Adama’s quarters where they find the President. She’s wearing a fierce wig. They fill her in and she says she has a way to get around the communications problems Gaeta caused.

0934 Hours – On the CIC, Gimpy Gaeta’s acting like a big boy wearing Daddy’s shoes when he’s not home.

Gaius tells his followers that he doesn’t want to leave them… but he will. ‘Cause that’s how Gaius rolls. Tyrol is in charge of the efforts to barricade themselves in and find a way off Galactica.

The President arrives at Gaius’ quarters where Tyrol tells her that the hangar is lost to them and that if they can get Adama to the secondary storage bay, he can get him off Galactica within the hour. Starbuck and Lee leave to find Adama and President Roslin stays to speak with Gaius.

0947 Hours- Two marines are escorting Adama and Tigh to the brig and Adama lets them both know that when it’s all over, their asses are grass. Adama and Tigh jump the two marines and take one hostage.

Two old ass pimps! That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout!

President Roslin convinces Gaius to let her use his pirate wireless set up to communicate with the fleet.

1012 Hours – On the CIC, Gimpy Gaeta has to deal with the confusion from the other ships wondering why Galactica has gone all quiet. Gaeta fills in Zarek on a scrambled line, but President Roslin interrupts and addresses the fleet. She implores the fleet not to go along with the mutiny and trust in those that got them this far… you know, the Cylon-alliance, Earth was all frakked up, now we don’t know where we’re going, far. Gaeta figures out a way to cut off her communication.

1017 Hours- Near the AUX machine access, Starbuck and Lee run into Adama, Tigh, and their hostage. Starbuck wants to pop a cap in the captive’s ass, but Adama won’t let her. Adama lets him go, and Starbuck tries to pop a cap in his retreating ass anyway. Finally, I like Starbuck and how she rolls. Like a gangsta!

1021 Hours – In the secondary storage bay, Gaius and President Roslin wonder if Gimpy Gaeta grew a pair before or after his leg was cut off.

1023 Hours – Near the waste water storage, Lee blames the Cylons for all their woes. He needs to take a cue from Lost and get with the stand together or die alone creed and stop whining.

Why isn’t Tigh concerned about his baby mama?

1027 Hours- Gaius calls to reason with Gimp Gaeta, but he ain’t having it. Gaius threatens him with “their little secret sealed with a special pen.”

1023 Hours- At the secondary storage airlock, the rescue Raptor arrives just as Starbuck, Lee, Tigh, and Adama do. Gimpy Gaeta knows what’s up and sends some men there to stop them.

The President and Adama start smooching making everyone around uncomfortable. Time and a place, people. Time and a place.

Adama orders Lee, Starbuck, and Tyrol to go back the way they came while he and Tigh hold off Gimpy Gaeta’s men so that the President and Gaius can escape on the Raptor. Adama and Roslin start to kiss goodbye again, but Gaius is all, “Can we get the frak up outta here, please?”

As Gaeta’s men begin to blowtorch their way in, Gaeta orders a Viper to engage the Raptor and shoot it down, and Adama and Tigh prepare to go out like pimps and take some mofos with them!

HAWT!

Adama fires a few shots through the opening made by Gaeta’s men’s progress… just to let them know he ain’t frakkin’ around.

“It’s been an honor to serve with you, my friend.”

Tigh kneels and peers through his scope with his one good eye.

Gimpy Gaeta’s men toss in a smoke grenade.

And it’s on!

To be continued…

“Son of a bitch,” I say to no one in particular.

Damn, I love this show.

Battlestar Galactica Season 4.5 Epi 12: The Disquiet That Follows My Soul

Previously on BSG: Tori bitch-slaps Callie out the airlock. Tigh fraks Six and knocks her up. Prez. Roslin is all depressed ’cause Earth was a bust. Adama’s all, “Forget that noise, we outtie.”

And now…

Adama gets ready for his day Mr. Rogers-style… but it’s really boring.

Six and Tigh are with Doc Coddle and a nurse looking at their baby on an ultrasound. Proving that Cylon and human men have something in common, Tigh can’t tell what the hell he’s looking at… even if he did have two eyes.

Six starts going on and on about how her baby is the future of the Cylon nation, and the nurse gets a “ruh-roh” look on her face. Oblivious, Six continues on saying how they no longer need to worry about resurrecting, and they’re gonna live forever, and maybe one day they will be strong enough again to enslave the huma— oh, did I say that last part out loud? At this point, nurse lady looks like her eyes are gonna bulge outta her head. Shut up, Six! ‘Fore she goes all Rosemary’s Baby on you!

Gaeta’s all salty ’cause Doc Coddle is tending to the Cylons instead of his bloody stump. Interesting note: Gaeta says suicides are up and the Prez is M.I.A. Tyrol rushes in with baby Nicky who is pissing blood. Gaeta is behind yet another Cylon.

At a press conference, someone finally has the balls to ask why Tigh’s Cylon ass is still second-in-command of Galactica. Everyone wants to know if there’s gonna be a Cylon alliance. Adama ain’t saying anything. But, big mouf Lee let it slip when asked about the final Cylon, “We believe she’s dead.” Afterwards, he laments, “I can’t believe I let that slip.”

What? Do they know? Was Lee bullshittin’? Did Tigh tell them? They ain’t saying. At least not this week. Bastids.

V.P. Tom is not happy. Earth was a mess, Prez is missing, and he don’t want no damn Cylon alliance. Adama lobs a threat, Tom lobs one back, there’s another for good measure… and we have credits!

And then we have the annoying flashes giving away everything we’re about to see, so I turn my head.

Tigh, Tyrol, Helo (with his fine ass), Lee, and Gaeta are meeting with Adama. They’re discussing upgrading the fleet’s ships with Cylon technology FTL drives, but they know the Quarum ain’t gonna have it. Gaeta ain’t having it either especially because it would require dozens of sixes and eights aboard the fleet ships to get the job done. Gaeta wants to know what the catch is and Tyrol informs them that the Cylons want to be a part of the fleet, not just riding shotgun. They want to be citizens, a seat on the Quarum, and they want full protection in case Brother Cavil shows up. Gaeta almost amputates his other leg with his teeth he’s so incredulous.

The biggest revelation to come out of this scene is that I think Col. Tigh is kinda hawt! How come I’ve not noticed this before? He has an old, gruff, grizzly, one-eye, sexy thing going on.

Nicky has chronic renal failure which could lead to acute renal failure and he could lose a kidney. Tyrol finds out he’s not the baby daddy. Doc Coddle says he will tell the true father first, then Tyrol can bust a Cylon cap in his ass. I wonder who it is? Gaeta, maybe?

The Prez isn’t taking her meds, but she does yoga. She is not opposed to the Cylons joining the fleet.

Gaeta goads Starbuck in the mess hall, “You’re married to a Cylon.”

“At least I’m not a gimp.”

Ooooh, burn.

Gaeta is a real prick with one leg. He threatens to beat Starbuck’s ass one day and I nearly fall off the bed laughing. Starbuck could totally beat dat ass. She leaves, and Gaeta tells all the remaining soldiers they need to talk. I smell a revolt.

V.P. Tom is talking the Quarum up. Roslin and Adama are morons, he says. The Quarum agrees that no Cylon shall board a ship in the fleet without the permission of it’s people.

I say Galactica gets its own upgraded FTL drives and leave their ungrateful asses. But that’s just me.

Roslin is jogging through the halls like Rocky… in Rocky 6. She need to sit down somewhere. Adama gets a disturbing call and brushes his teeth. I don’t know why either. Adama tells Roslin they need her to get her shit together. She’s done., she says. She has played the role of the dying leader, taking the people to the blah blah blah. No, she really says blah, blah blah. She thinks she has earned the right to live before she dies.

Gaius is talking to the crazies, broadcasting his radio show. What did they do to deserve this fate? What kind of God would abandon them this way? The crazies scream with frothing mouths. Tyrol sees Nicky’s real baby daddy and gives him a Cylon beatdown.

Tigh is incensed that the ships are refusing their orders to let the Cylons aboard for upgrades. Gimp Gaeta gets all fresh-mouthed and back-talky. Helo looks like he wants to smack him, but an emergency call about the tilium ship crew’s mutiny spares Gimp Gaeta a fat lip.

The tilium ship will not communicate with Galactica, but they listen in as they talk to Colonial One and VP Tom tells them they have every right to protect themselves. They jump away with the fleet’s fuel supply… and then Adama delivers the best.line.ever.

“There are days when I really hate this job.”

If Galactica ain’t careful, they’ll be facing their own problems as Gaeta has a mutinous look in his gimpy little eyes.

Adama orders Athena to arrest the VP… and shoot his ass if necessary if he doesn’t come peacefully.

Tyrol orders Hot Dog (Nicky’s baby daddy) to sit his ass down with his son until he tells him otherwise.

Adama confronts VP Tom with evidence that he was involved in extortion. He will tell everyone if Tom doesn’t give up the location of the tilium ship. The whole exchange proves what a badass Adama is.

Gimpy Gaeta teams up with VP Tom to overthrow Galactica. Why isn’t Adama aware that this was coming? Oh, probably because….

Adama is laid up in the afterglow with Roslin when word comes in that the tilium ship was found. Neither care.

I predict that next week Adama is going to rip off Gaeta’s other leg and shove it up his traitorous ass.

What do you think?

Oh, I submit my BSG blogs to a website each week, and thought you guys might want to check the site out here.