Mommy Monday: Facebook Fiend

It was bound to happen. Just a few short weeks after getting Kali a laptop for Christmas, she now has a Facebook account.

Thanks to Windows 7, we’ve been able to closely monitor not just her internet use, but everything she does while on the computer. So, she won’t be tempted to stay up late doing God knows what while we sleep, we have a timer set so that the laptop shuts off at 9pm on school nights and 11pm on the weekends. Only games of a certain ESRB rating are allowed to be played/installed and as the administrator I watch her browser history with Dick Cheney-like hawkishness.

(She’s also kinda under the impression that every night her laptop emails my laptop a complete video of everything she did on the computer that day.)

The fact that she has since joined the Facebook fray is totally my fault. It all began when I would ask her to log in to my Farmville and Petville accounts to harvest my crops and clean my apartment. What?! It’s not my fault Zynga has yet to install the upgrade where you can peruse the local Home Depot for Mexican day workers!

I'm pretty sure it's not child labor if it's virtual.

Like all oppressed, she started grumbling about reaping the benefits for herself. Why can’t I have my own farm with neighbors and stuff? Why, indeed.

So, I let her have an account under the rules that I will accept all of her friend requests, read her emails, and get first crack at her golden eggs when she posts them. Don’t judge me.

I made my status updates invisible to her and only sent out friend requests to family and friends that didn’t post questionable content. Of course, it has recently come to my attention that one family member in particular got super offended when  they were excluded from Kali’s friends list and I’ve since been defriended. Ain’t the first time, won’t be the last.

But that’s the beauty of being the boss of your own kids. You get to make the calls, rules, and decisions. They may not always be popular with others, but my motto is, “They’ll be aight.”

I’m afraid, though, that I’ve created quite the Facebook monster. Kali is kinda obsessed with two features: quizzes and Facebook chat. The latter has gotten out of control. She can be sitting across the room when suddenly:

Sometimes, it comes in handy:

And my child has never met a quiz she didn’t like.

What kind of Miley Cyrus song are you?

Who are you more like: Miley Cyrus or Selena Gomez?

Is your name nerdy?

But my favorite:

Needless to say, I can’t stop calling her Butter Nuts.