Lost Season 5, Epi 5: This Place Is Death

Previously on Lost: Some lawyer threatens to take Aaron away from Kate ’cause she not that baby’s mama, and Ben admits to being behind it. Charlotte gets more ill with every time jump. The survivors try to make their way to The Orchid and Jin, who’s alive, meets Danielle Rousseau.

And now…

Sun watches as Ben meets with Jack, Kate and Sayid at the pier. She gets a call from her baby girl in Korea. “Mama, come home.” “I will be home soon. I made a new friend for you. His name is Aaron.” “Like I care ’bout some white boy in America. Bring your ass home!” OK, I’m paraphrasing. She hangs up, grabs her chocolate box gun, and approaches Ben.

“Move away, Kate.”

“What are you doing here? And where my baby at?”

“He’s in the car. Now move so I can bust a cap in Ben’s ass.”

Sun blames Ben for killing Jin, but Ben claims that Jin is alive and he can prove it.

Doh!

Back on the island, Jin can barely believe his eyes. Danielle confirms that it’s 1988. Jin wants to go find his camp, but the French people want to find the radio tower so they can get a signal to call for help. He agrees to lead them to the tower, and then he wants to find his camp in the hopes that the helicopter carrying Sun went there. Yeah, there and all the way back to 1988.

They head through the jungle and one of the French guys is extremely prickish and obnoxious. Even for a Frenchmen. They notice that one of their party, a woman named Nadine, is missing. They only notice her ass is missing cause she was carrying the water.

UH OH! Smoke monster is coming!

And we have credits… well, that one word Lost title with the spooky music that passes for credits.

The French people want to go find Nadine and Jin is all , “Bump that noise. We gotta get outta here.” And Le Asshole tells him to shut up. I hope Le Asshole gets eaten first. They start to split up to find Nadine. “Brennan. Lacombe. You go thatta way.” “Clinique. Croissant. You go this way.”

Now, didn’t Jin tell them a monster was coming? Why are they yelling out, “Nadine! Nadine!?” Dummies. Apparently, white people all over the world are the same.

The smoke monster drops Nadine’s ass right in front of them. “You want her? You got her.” NOW they want to run. Le Smoke Monster snatches up Le Asshole. YES! He drags him through the jungle and tries pulling him down a hole under some temple, but Jin and the others are holding on to him. A tug of war ensues and Le Asshole gets sucked down the hole minus one arm.

Gross!

"First soul food, now French cuisine!"

“Help me! Help me! Come get me. I’m hurt!” (In French)

No shit you’re hurt, dude. I got your arm right here! The other two French dudes go down the hole after him, and Jin stops Danielle from following. Suddenly we have flashy lights and Jin is alone in front of the temple. Le Asshole’s arm is petrified and looking at him like, “You again?”

Jin stumbles through the jungle with horribly cracked lips. He sees smoke from a fire in the distance and makes his way towards it. He ends up at a camp on the beach. Flies circle the two Frenchmen’s dead bodies. Danielle is holding a gun on her babydaddy. He has a gun too, but is pleading with her not to shoot him. She is insisting that the monster made him sick, like the others. He says he loves her and the baby and he’s not going to hurt her. I love you, he says obnoxiously. What is it with French people? They even beg obnoxiously. Danielle lowers her gun and he tries to shoot her, but the gun is empty. Danielle busts a cap in his ass and she starts to do the same to Jin claiming he must be sick because he disappeared, but he runs. And we have flashy lights.

Someone pulls a gun on Jin and it is Sawyer!! They hug and it’s adorable… and kinda hot. He asks about Sun. Ruh roh.

Yum!

Sawyer and the gang try to explain what’s going on and Jin loses his shit. He starts going off in Korean and everyone looks to Miles to translate.

“He’s Korean. I’m from Encino.”

Charlotte translates that Locke has to bring Sun back in order to stop what’s going on. Why? Because they shouldn’t have left, Locke responds.

Three years later, Ben tells Sun that he can take her to someone that will prove that Jin is alive. Kate is furious and takes Aaron and leaves. Sayid leaves saying that if he sees Jack or Ben again, it’s on like Donkey Kong. Ben convinces Sun to go with him saying she can bust that cap if he’s lying.

Back on the island, on the way to The Orchid, Locke explains to Jin that he has to leave the island alone, but that he promises to bring Sun back. Then we have flashy lights and it’s nighttime… then we have flashy lights again and everyone has headaches. Charlotte passes the hell out. Juliet’s nose is bleeding as is Sawyer’s.

Charlotte tells Jin, first in Korean and then English, “Don’t let them bring her back. No matter what. This place is death!”
She just made Locke’s job like, 200% harder.

"Who asked you?"

Three years later, Ben, Sun, and Jack make their way to the lady that can help. Jack apologizes to Sun for leaving Jin behind. Why now? She and I BOTH want to know. They shit talk Ben like he’s not even there. Ben pulls over all pissed off, “Look, I’m tryna help y’all trifling asses. Don’t stress me out.” OK, I’m paraphrasing again.

Back on the island, everyone is debating whether or not to leave Charlotte behind and she’s talking all crazy talk. Another flashy light thing convinces everyone to leave Daniel behind with Charlotte. Sawyer wonders what they’re going to do if they arrive at the spot in a time when The Orchid didn’t exist. Charlotte tells them to look for the well. They’ll find it at the well. Not one person asks the obvious question, “How you know?!”

They arrive at The Orchid and Juliet marvels at their good luck that The Orchid is actually there. And then the lights flash and it disappears. Big mouth! Locke looks for, and finds, the well. Finally, Miles thinks to ask how the hell Charlotte knew the well was there. Too bad he didn’t think to ask… Charlotte.

Charlotte admits to Daniel that she lived on the island as a child with the Dharma Initiative and that she left with her Mom and never saw her Dad again. Her Mom told her that the island didn’t exist, but she grew up to be an anthropologist with hopes of finding the island. She says when she was a girl a creepy man told her she had to leave and never come back or else she’d die and the creepy man was Daniel. WEIRD! Has Daniel time traveled that we don’t know of and warned her?

Locke prepares to go down the well, but Jin threatens to cut the rope if Locke doesn’t promise to leave Sun and his baby alone. He doesn’t want them coming back. Locke promises, but asks if Sun finds him what should he do? Jin says that he wants Sun to think he’s dead and gives Locke his wedding ring as proof.

Locke descends down the rope, and then we have flashy lights again. Sawyer grabs the rope and yells for Locke to hold on, but he doesn’t and falls to the bottom. When the lights clear Sawyer is holding a rope planted in the ground.

“I think you can let go of that now,” Miles says dryly.

Good thing Locke didn’t listen or else his ass would have been encased in the ground. Nasty.

Charlotte gets worse and Daniel asks her to hold on. He tells her about telling Desmond to find his Mom and that his Mom can help.

“I’m not allowed to have chocolate before dinner,” she says and dies. And I can’t help but think of David Allen Grier playing the bum who yells out random stuff, “I can make a booger talk!”

At the bottom of the well, Locke is all busted up and screaming in pain. His bone is sticking out of his leg. He calls for help and realizes he’s not alone. It’s Christian Shepard, Jack’s dad! He’s carrying a creepy lantern and looking very I-know-what-you-did-last-summer-ish.

He tells Locke that when he told him to save the island he had to move the island, he meant him, not Ben. But, Ben told me that he had to do it and I had to stay and lead his people, Locke says. Who told your dumbass to listen to Ben? Yes, paraphrasing. Christian tells Locke that after he convinces everyone to come back he needs to find Eloise Hawkins in Los Angeles. Ben tells Christian that Richard told him he was going to die and Christian is all, “That’s why it’s called sacrifice.” Locke is all teary-eyed, but says he’s ready.

I’m sad.

Christian tells Locke that on the other side of the wall is a wheel that has slipped off it’s axis. All he has to do is give it a little push. He asks Christian if he can help him up, and Christian says no. I thought it was kinda cold till I realized he didn’t say he didn’t want to help him up, but that he couldn’t. Which I think means that my theory of the island only being able to mimic people who are actually dead on the island is right and maybe he’s all misty and intangible. As Locke pushes the wheel lights go off and Christian says, “Say hello to my son.”

“Who’s your son?”

But he’s gone before Christian can answer.

Three years later, Ben gives Sun Jin’s wedding ring after they arrive outside of a church. He says he got it from Locke and that it’s proof that Jin is alive. Sun’s ass is sold. She’s down for whatever.

Desmond shows up and realizes that they’re all looking for Eloise Hawkins, Daniel’s mother. Ben seems surprised to hear this bit o’ news. They enter the church and there’s Eloise burning candles.

“I thought I said all of them.”

“This is all I could get on short notice.”

She sighs at Ben’s failure.

“Alright. Let’s get started.”

Theories, predictions, questions? Share!

Lost Season 5 – Because You Left/The Lie Epis. 1&2

An alarm goes off at 8:15am. A woman tells a man it’s his turn to get a crying baby. He tends to the baby and leaves for work… and he’s on the island… which I totally knew. It’s a man in some nut-hugging tight pants. It’s the doctor from all of the orientation films by The Dharma Initiative. He’s in the middle of making a film when he’s told there’s a problem at The Orchid.

He heads down to where the big wheel that moves the island is. Construction crews have been through two drills trying to get to it. The doctor informs the crew to stop. They run the risk of releasing limitless energy that can be used to time travel. The construction chief is all, “Chyeah right.” And the scientist is all, “Yuh huh.” As the scientist leaves, he bumps into the OTHER scientist. You know, the one that came to the island on the freighter and was Desmond’s constant when he was all time-travelly, Daniel… the physicist.

Physicist time traveling Daniel

Three years after the island moved, Jack and Ben talk about going back to the island with all of the Oceanic 6, and smelly, dead, Locke. Jack says that Locke told him all kinds of bad shit went down when they left and that if they didn’t go back, Sawyer, Juliet, and everyone on the island and boat would die.

Flash back three years to when the island moved and those on the island are all, “WTF?!” No one knows what the bright light and loud sound were all about. Where’s the freighter? No one knows. Also, no one knows where the hell the camp is ’cause that’s gone too. Daniel, who was on the raft when the island disappeared and within the radius, says that the camp isn’t gone. It just hasn’t been built yet. And I’m all, “Yeah, that’s nice. I’m just happy Rose and Bernard are still alive.”

Yum!

Back to three years later, Kate is served with papers declaring she needs to give up a blood sample to prove she’s Aaron’s mommy. She’s all, “Um, no.” The lawyers won’t say who their client is and Kate demands they come back with the sheriff. While they’re gone, she packs up her and Aaron’s stuff and they bounce.

Flash back three years, and Daniel won’t explain to Sawyer and Juliet what’s going on. He says it would just be too complicated for their simple little brains. For this, Sawyer bitch slaps him and Daniel sings like a canary physicist.

Locke is making his way around the island when a plane comes dangerously close to crashing on his ass. It crashes in the distance, and in the process drops one of the Virgin Mary heroin statues. Locke makes his way to the wreckage, and not learning a lesson from what happened to Boone’s ass, he tries to climb up to it. Someone starts shooting at him and he falls. It’s Ethan!

Ok, so obviously the island went back in time. But why is Ethan alive? Is it ’cause his dead body was on the island? Is that why the drug plane re-crashed?

Anyway, Ethan is about to pop a cap in John’s ass when it suddenly gets all bright again and next thing you know, it’s nighttime. Daniel tells Sawyer and crew they are either in the past or the future. Well, no duh.

Three years ahead, Sun is travelling to Los Angeles when her passport causes her to be locked in a room. Charles Widmore arrives. He’s all, “Don’t be running up on me when I’m with my boys like that.” And she’s all, “My bad.” He wants to know what their common interest is. “To kill Benjamin Linus.” Well, no shit.

Ben and Jack see a news report about Hurley escaping from the mental hospital. This changes their plans.

Sayid and Hurley get some fast food and head for Sayid’s apartment. Hurley says he needs a cool coat. I don’t know about that… but he damn sure don’t need that fast food he’s eating. Sayid tells Hurley he was working for Ben for the past two years and Hurley wonders if this means Ben’s on their side now. Sayid tells Hurley to always do the exact opposite of whatever Ben says.

Sayid realizes his safe house ain’t so safe. He kills two intruders, but not before one shoots him with a tranquilizer. He instructs Hurley to get him to the car. “I’m too old for this shit,” Hurley grumbles as he carries Sayid off. Well, what he actually says is, “We never should have left that island.” Same diff. Moral of this scene? Always put your knives in the dishwasher pointy side down.

Three years ago, Sawyer and crew find the blown up hatch. This means they’re forward in time, back to after the Oceanic people crashed there. Sawyer wants to head back and see if the camp is still there and possibly warn the people on the copter not to go. Daniel explains that they can’t change the past or future, they must not interfere… leave the stream be. And I have a headache. Sawyer wants to know who can stop the island from time jumping… cut to…

Locke hobbles to the drug plane and finds it as it was when they first found it; crashed with the heroin and skeletons. He fashions a tourniquet for his injured leg. Richard shows up to remove the bullet from his leg that Locke never told him was there… Richard says, “You did tell me… or you will.” He explains that Locke will be moving on soon and that the next time they meet, Richard won’t know who he is. Then he gives Locke a compass. He tells Locke he has to get his friends to come back in order to save the island. Locke wants to know how he’s supposed to do that… “You’ll have to die, John.”

"Um, what's plan B?"

Bright light and Locke is back in the daytime… back in the past.

Three years in the past, Sawyer and crew realize that they are back in the past, and the hatch is back. Sawyer wants to go into the hatch to get the supplies. Daniel warns him he can’t change the past. Sawyer says that everyone he cares about just blew up on Daniel’s freighter; he knows what he can’t change.

The foreign redhead chick has a nosebleed which causes Daniel to consult his notebook on the sly. When alone, he bangs on the hatch’s backdoor until Desmond answers. He quickly tells Desmond that if he made it off the island in the helicopter, Desmond needs to go to Oxford University in order to save those left behind. He tells him to find his mother… and the bright light flashes again. Desmond, of course, didn’t know what the hell he was talking about or who he was.

Three years in the future, Desmond awakes on a boat with Penny and realizes he just had a memory. He starts to un-anchor the boat, informing Penny they’re going to Oxford.

Three years ago… the Oceanic Six are discussing whether or not they’re going to lie once rescued. Everyone agrees to, but not Hurley. Jack tells him that they need to protect those they left behind from Charles Widmore. Hurley is outnumbered and pretty much bullied into lying. Hurley warns, “Ima ‘member this.”

Three years in the future… Hurley and Sayid are on the road. Hurley drives and tries to get Sayid to wake up. He’s out for the count. Because Hurley is a fool and driving like one, they get pulled over. The cop is Ana Lucia! She scolds Hurley for being a dumbass, tells him to get off the streets, and that Libby says hi. Freaky!

Three years in the past… the people left on the island try to figure out what their next step should be. Daniel want to try and figure out where they are in time.

Three years in the future… Hurley buys clothes and narrowly averts being recognized. Kate gets a call from a friend and rushes to meet him/her. Ben tells Jack to go home and pack anything that means anything to him because once they leave he’s never going home again. He says he’ll meet him in six hours. When Jack asks whether or not Locke is dead, Ben doesn’t respond. He just says, “I’ll see you in six hours, Jack.” Hurley shows up at his Dad’s house. (His Dad was totally watching, “Expose,” the show that starred Nicky from the island.)

Hurley’s Dad covers for him with the cops. Kate meets Sun at a hotel, and Ben shows up at a butcher shop where the lady behind the counter agrees to hold on to Locke so I guess he won’t be so stinky and maggoty after all.

Three years in the past, on the island, Asian psychic dude returns from the jungle with a dead boar. He said he found it dead. I’m guessing he used his special connection with the dead ability to find it.

"I'll give you these peanuts if you can tell me my name."

The foreign redhead admits to Daniel that she can’t seem to shake a headache, and earlier couldn’t remember her mother’s maiden name. One of the survivors starts to over-freak out about the group not being able to start a fire when suddenly he has a fiery arrow in his chest. The survivors flee an onslaught of fiery arrows! WTF?!

In the future, Hurley’s father leaves with Sayid hidden in his car. Sun tells Kate that she must do whatever it takes to protect Aaron. Sun remembers that Kate told her to get Aaron on the helicopter and that she, Kate, would go get Jin. We all know how that turned out. Sun assures Kate she doesn’t blame her. Hurley’s father takes Sayid to Jack and warns him to leave Hurley alone. Jack calls Ben and tells him he has Sayid Ben’s eyes go wide… er… wider than usual. Hurley tells his mother the truth about what happened on the island. She says she doesn’t understand, but she believes his crazy ass.

Three years ago, on the island, Sawyer and Juliet encounter some men with guns who threaten to cut off Juliet’s hand if they don’t explain what they’re doing there. Guess they have knives too.

In the future, Jack takes Sayid to a hospital and gets him to wake up. Sayid is concerned that Hurley is now vulnerable. Ben shows up at Hurley’s house and tries to convince him he’s working with Jack and Sayid. Remembering what Sayid said about trusting Ben, Hurley runs out to turn himself in to the cops watching his house instead. Ben looks on like, “Dumbass.”

Locke comes out of the shadows all Jungle Badass and saves Sawyer and Juliet’s asses… and her hand.

Meanwhile, in the future, a cloaked woman is working on formulas on a blackboard, and typing into a computer. A weird pendulum swings leaving markings on the floor. She makes her way up to a church where Ben is waiting. He explains he’s having difficulty gathering everyone, but she warns he only has 70 hours. She’s the woman from the jewelry store! Ben asks what would happen if he can’t get them to return to the island.

“Then God help us all.”

So, what did you guys think? Predictions? Questions? More importantly, when do we get to see the smoke monster again?!

Me thinks that woman at the end may be Daniel’s mother.