I Love You The Same

Over the course of 34 years I’ve loved boyfriends and friends, lovers, and husbands, parents and siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins and associates, pets and even some pretty nifty material things. I can say that hands-down, nothing compares to the love I feel for my children.

I realized the other day why it’s so mind-blowing… to me, anyway. The love for my children is so great and consuming that I have a hard time believing that it compares to say, how much you love your children. But going even further, there’s no way that my parents could have loved me this much. If my mother loved me even a fraction of the amount that I love Kali and Jack, how she didn’t lose her shit every time I was out of her sight is beyond me.

I had all these worries about loving two children when I first found out I was pregnant. Would I love them differently? Would I favor one over the other? Would I, God forbid, love one more than other? Honestly, my first concern was that I wouldn’t love Jack enough because my love for Kali was so strong. Then as my pregnancy progressed, and the love for my unborn child grew (along with my waistband), I worried that I might neglect Kali or that she would feel slighted with all the attention lavished upon Jack.

I needn’t have worried. Those of you with more than one child know what I mean. Just as we are amazed over the changes in the human body as we prepare to give birth, we really should marvel over the way our minds and souls are conditioned to adjust to this new life as well. If your capacity to love is a balloon, and you feel it’s filled to dangerous proportions with how much you love your children and spouse, family and friends, don’t worry. Mine did not burst when Jack came along. It magically expanded to include him. We don’t talk about that enough and we should.

Of course I relate to them differently now; Jack is at an age where he needs me for everything, while Kali is entering a stage where she’s becoming more independent. And I’m sure this will continue on as I’ll relate to them on different boy-girl levels as well.

It’s either a credit to how great Kali is, or kudos to me and Donny as parents, but she really is extremely helpful and in love with her brother. I’ve yet to witness any competitive urges from her, and hopefully I’ve done my job in letting her know that my love for her is undying and unquestionable.

Last night, I asked Donny if he were over Jack.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we waited so long and now he’s been here half a year already. Is the thrill gone?”

“No. Of course not.”

Then I said, speaking for Jack and in a baby voice, “You better not be over me. I’m your only son… unless you got some other kids out there we don’t know about.”

“If I got other kids out there, I don’t know about them either.”

“Um, honey, it’s okay if I joke about it. But when you do it? Not so much. Just the idea of you having children with someone else kinda makes me wanna stab you in the neck.”

Anyway, I’ve decided to take a cue from Sophie and implement a little guaranteed Mommy/Daughter time. Beginning this Sunday I will make it a point to do something special with just the two of us. Sophie has already inspired some great ideas:

Hot chocolate at iHop

Library visits

Matinee movies

A trip to Barnes and Noble for a book

Ice cream!

Also, this weekend we’re gonna begin working on the dollhouse she got for Christmas.

Any other special things you can suggest?