Lost – S6 Epi. 12 “The Last Recruit”

Previously on Lost: In Los Angeles, Sawyer busts Kate, Sayid busts caps in all kinds of asses, and Sun gets shot. Desmond runs over Locke. On the island, Jack comes face-to-face with Evil Locke for the first time.

And now…

Evil Locke wants Jack to go off into the woods alone so they can “catch up.” When they’re alone Evil Locke explains that he chose Locke because Locke was foolish enough to believe the island had a purpose for him and then there’s the whole matter of Jack being nice enough to bring Locke’s body back. He also admits to looking like Jack’s father in order to help them find water. He claims that he has only ever wanted to help Jack and the rest leave the island.

In Los Angeles: In the ambulance, on the way to the hospital, Ben explains to the paramedics that Locke was already paralyzed. Locke asks that they call Helen. As he’s being wheeled inside, so is Sun, and in Korean she says, “No… no!” It’s him!,” after seeing Locke.

On the island, Evil Locke and Jack come across Claire in the jungle. Evil Locke displays some manners and leaves them alone to chat. Surprisingly, she is coming off less crazy than usual… her hair still looks a hot ass mess though.

She couldn't have fashioned a comb out of some chicken bones or something?

Jack says he hasn’t decided if he’s leaving the island with Evil Locke, but Claire tells him that he has. He already decided the moment he let Evil Locke talk to him.

The next morning (they were in the jungle alone ALL NIGHT?), Sawyer tells Hurley his plan. They’re gonna leave via Widmore’s sub. He says Sayid ain’t coming ’cause his ass is all evil now.

Jack, Evil Locke, and Claire return. Hurley lies and tells Claire she looks great.

In Los Angeles, Sawyer questions Kate at the police station. He reads the list of crimes she’s wanted for and observes that she doesn’t look like a murderer. Kate says she’s not. At this point, in this alternate reality, they’ve never said what she has done or if she is really guilty. Kate figures out that Sawyer didn’t turn her in when he saw her in handcuffs at the airport because he didn’t want anyone to know he was in Australia.

Miles calls Sawyer over to investigate the shooting at the restaurant.They got Sayid on surveillance video and want to find him.

On the island, Kate tells Jack that Sayid is different now. Jack says they’re all different. This would be the perfect time for Kate to be like, “No, this mofo is REALLY different. Like, slashing people’s throats and almost let Claire slash my throat, different!” But she doesn’t say anything cause she’s whack.

Tina Fey (Widmore’s girl) shows up at the camp and says that Evil Locke took something from them and they want it back. He has until nightfall or else Widmore will rain down holy hellfire on their asses. No, really, he can totally send over fire bombs and shit. She leaves Evil Locke with a walkie-talkie, which Locke smashes.

“Oh, well. Here we go.”

For some reason, this makes Jack (my son) laugh his ass off.

In Los Angeles, Desmond approaches Claire in the lobby of the adoption agency. She remembers him from the airport. He tells her he’s seeing a lawyer in the same building and suggests that she go see this lawyer to have some help with the adoption negotiations. He convinces Claire to go see the lawyer because although the whole situation is uber creepy, Desmond is hot and has an accent.

The lawyer is Ilana and  turns out she was looking for Claire already! And if I’m not mistaken,Ilana no longer has an accent.

On the island, Evil Locke informs the group that Widmore is lying about him stealing something. He says they’re gonna go to the other island and get on the plane. He instructs Sawyer to go get the boat (Desmond’s boat) and pulls Sayid aside.

Sawyer snatches up Jack and tells him to break off from Evil Locke’s group as soon as he can and meet them at the boat. He tells him to bring only Sun, Lapidis, and Hurley. Everyone else can get bent and that includes Sayid and Claire’s crazy ass. Sawyer and Kate head off.

Evil Locke instructs Sayid to go and kill Desmond. Sayid is all, “Aight.”

Sayid approaches the well and finds Desmond all jacked up at the bottom of it. Desmond wants to know what Evil Locke offered Sayid. He says he owes him at least that information if he’s gonna shoot him in cold blood. Sayid admits that he will get the woman he loves back even though she’s dead. Sayid believes him because he also died, and Evil Locke brought him back (we better get a better explanation that night by the finale! I’m just saying.) Desmond wants to know what he’s going to tell this woman when she asks what he did to have them be together again. Sayid has no answer.

In Los Angeles, Nadia tries to stall Miles so that Sayid can make a run for it, but Sawyer (literally) trips Sayid up in the back yard and arrests him.

On the island, Sawyer tells Kate the plan and she’s upset that Claire isn’t invited. Sawyer is all, “That bitch is crazy.” Claire still looks skeptical even though four epis ago, Claire tried to kill her. Dumbass.

Claire admits to Jack that she trusts Evil Locke because he’s the only person that didn’t abandon her. Evil Locke notices that Sayid hasn’t caught up to them yet and asks Sun if she has seen him. Sun doesn’t answer because her English went bye-bye. Evil Locke is all, “Oh, that’s mature.” She writes him a note that he did it and he’s like, “Girl, I ain’t do shit to you.” Evil Locke says he’s gonna go back and make sure no one got left behind. Jack takes that opportunity to grab Sun, Lapidis, and Hurley and haul ass. Crazy Claire notices and follows.

Evil Locke finds Sayid and asks if he killed Desmond. Sayid said that he did. He’s clearly lying, but either Evil Locke believes him or doesn’t care.

As everyone is about to get on the boat, Crazy Claire shows up with a gun. Kate tells Claire that she can come too if she puts down the gun. Sawyer is all, “Bitch, is you crazy?” Claire seems to return to her old self and hands over the gun, but quickly goes back to Crazy Town when she eerily predicts that Evil Locke will be mad when he finds out they’re gone.

In Los Angeles, Jack and his son David show up at the lawyer’s office for the reading of Christian’s will. The lawyer is Ilana and she surprises Jack by introducing him to Claire. Claire tells Jack that she’s his sister. Before he can react too much, Jack receives a call. He is needed at the hospital.

On the boat, Jack tells Sawyer that leaving the island doesn’t feel right. Sawyer is all, “If you’re gonna keep up that crazy talk, you can get the hell off my boat.” So, Jack jumps off the boat. Kate loses her shit and says they have to go back for him. Sawyer says, “We’re done going back.”

And I have a feeling that may be the last time those characters see the main island they crashed on.

In Los Angeles, Sun wakes up in the hospital and finds out that the baby is okay. Jack prepares to operate on Locke. He is all super duper surgeon badass after looking at Locke’s x-rays. “I got this, bitches.” (OK, I added the bitches part.) Before he cuts, he realizes that he knows Locke.

On the island, Jack swims ashore and runs into Evil Locke and his band of merry crazymen. Evil Locke surmises that Sawyer took his boat.

As Sawyer and crew arrive on Hydra island, Tina Fey and crew show up and demand they put their hands up. Only Kate doesn’t listen at first. Tina Fey calls the base and tells someone to turn the fences off.

"Drop your weapons! Put your hands up!"

"No, I'm Kate and I never do as I'm told."

Sun sees Jin for the first time in three years. They run towards each other and I’m like, “I really hope they turned those fences off.” Sun’s English returns as she tells Jin that she loves him and never stopped looking for him. Everyone is all, “Aw, shucks,” except Sawyer who is suddenly very interested in his shoes and Claire who just looks crazier.

Tina Fey gets instructions from Widmore and she and company pull their guns on Sawyer and the rest. She tells someone on the walkie they can fire when ready on Evil Locke. On the other beach, Jack hears the holy hellfire coming and orders everyone to get down, which they do… except Evil Locke cause he’s badass like that. Jack is knocked back and Evil Locke carries him to safety.

“Jack? You alright? Don’t worry. It’s gonna be okay. You’re with me now.”

Ruh-roh.

Lost Season 5, Epi 5: This Place Is Death

Previously on Lost: Some lawyer threatens to take Aaron away from Kate ’cause she not that baby’s mama, and Ben admits to being behind it. Charlotte gets more ill with every time jump. The survivors try to make their way to The Orchid and Jin, who’s alive, meets Danielle Rousseau.

And now…

Sun watches as Ben meets with Jack, Kate and Sayid at the pier. She gets a call from her baby girl in Korea. “Mama, come home.” “I will be home soon. I made a new friend for you. His name is Aaron.” “Like I care ’bout some white boy in America. Bring your ass home!” OK, I’m paraphrasing. She hangs up, grabs her chocolate box gun, and approaches Ben.

“Move away, Kate.”

“What are you doing here? And where my baby at?”

“He’s in the car. Now move so I can bust a cap in Ben’s ass.”

Sun blames Ben for killing Jin, but Ben claims that Jin is alive and he can prove it.

Doh!

Back on the island, Jin can barely believe his eyes. Danielle confirms that it’s 1988. Jin wants to go find his camp, but the French people want to find the radio tower so they can get a signal to call for help. He agrees to lead them to the tower, and then he wants to find his camp in the hopes that the helicopter carrying Sun went there. Yeah, there and all the way back to 1988.

They head through the jungle and one of the French guys is extremely prickish and obnoxious. Even for a Frenchmen. They notice that one of their party, a woman named Nadine, is missing. They only notice her ass is missing cause she was carrying the water.

UH OH! Smoke monster is coming!

And we have credits… well, that one word Lost title with the spooky music that passes for credits.

The French people want to go find Nadine and Jin is all , “Bump that noise. We gotta get outta here.” And Le Asshole tells him to shut up. I hope Le Asshole gets eaten first. They start to split up to find Nadine. “Brennan. Lacombe. You go thatta way.” “Clinique. Croissant. You go this way.”

Now, didn’t Jin tell them a monster was coming? Why are they yelling out, “Nadine! Nadine!?” Dummies. Apparently, white people all over the world are the same.

The smoke monster drops Nadine’s ass right in front of them. “You want her? You got her.” NOW they want to run. Le Smoke Monster snatches up Le Asshole. YES! He drags him through the jungle and tries pulling him down a hole under some temple, but Jin and the others are holding on to him. A tug of war ensues and Le Asshole gets sucked down the hole minus one arm.

Gross!

"First soul food, now French cuisine!"

“Help me! Help me! Come get me. I’m hurt!” (In French)

No shit you’re hurt, dude. I got your arm right here! The other two French dudes go down the hole after him, and Jin stops Danielle from following. Suddenly we have flashy lights and Jin is alone in front of the temple. Le Asshole’s arm is petrified and looking at him like, “You again?”

Jin stumbles through the jungle with horribly cracked lips. He sees smoke from a fire in the distance and makes his way towards it. He ends up at a camp on the beach. Flies circle the two Frenchmen’s dead bodies. Danielle is holding a gun on her babydaddy. He has a gun too, but is pleading with her not to shoot him. She is insisting that the monster made him sick, like the others. He says he loves her and the baby and he’s not going to hurt her. I love you, he says obnoxiously. What is it with French people? They even beg obnoxiously. Danielle lowers her gun and he tries to shoot her, but the gun is empty. Danielle busts a cap in his ass and she starts to do the same to Jin claiming he must be sick because he disappeared, but he runs. And we have flashy lights.

Someone pulls a gun on Jin and it is Sawyer!! They hug and it’s adorable… and kinda hot. He asks about Sun. Ruh roh.

Yum!

Sawyer and the gang try to explain what’s going on and Jin loses his shit. He starts going off in Korean and everyone looks to Miles to translate.

“He’s Korean. I’m from Encino.”

Charlotte translates that Locke has to bring Sun back in order to stop what’s going on. Why? Because they shouldn’t have left, Locke responds.

Three years later, Ben tells Sun that he can take her to someone that will prove that Jin is alive. Kate is furious and takes Aaron and leaves. Sayid leaves saying that if he sees Jack or Ben again, it’s on like Donkey Kong. Ben convinces Sun to go with him saying she can bust that cap if he’s lying.

Back on the island, on the way to The Orchid, Locke explains to Jin that he has to leave the island alone, but that he promises to bring Sun back. Then we have flashy lights and it’s nighttime… then we have flashy lights again and everyone has headaches. Charlotte passes the hell out. Juliet’s nose is bleeding as is Sawyer’s.

Charlotte tells Jin, first in Korean and then English, “Don’t let them bring her back. No matter what. This place is death!”
She just made Locke’s job like, 200% harder.

"Who asked you?"

Three years later, Ben, Sun, and Jack make their way to the lady that can help. Jack apologizes to Sun for leaving Jin behind. Why now? She and I BOTH want to know. They shit talk Ben like he’s not even there. Ben pulls over all pissed off, “Look, I’m tryna help y’all trifling asses. Don’t stress me out.” OK, I’m paraphrasing again.

Back on the island, everyone is debating whether or not to leave Charlotte behind and she’s talking all crazy talk. Another flashy light thing convinces everyone to leave Daniel behind with Charlotte. Sawyer wonders what they’re going to do if they arrive at the spot in a time when The Orchid didn’t exist. Charlotte tells them to look for the well. They’ll find it at the well. Not one person asks the obvious question, “How you know?!”

They arrive at The Orchid and Juliet marvels at their good luck that The Orchid is actually there. And then the lights flash and it disappears. Big mouth! Locke looks for, and finds, the well. Finally, Miles thinks to ask how the hell Charlotte knew the well was there. Too bad he didn’t think to ask… Charlotte.

Charlotte admits to Daniel that she lived on the island as a child with the Dharma Initiative and that she left with her Mom and never saw her Dad again. Her Mom told her that the island didn’t exist, but she grew up to be an anthropologist with hopes of finding the island. She says when she was a girl a creepy man told her she had to leave and never come back or else she’d die and the creepy man was Daniel. WEIRD! Has Daniel time traveled that we don’t know of and warned her?

Locke prepares to go down the well, but Jin threatens to cut the rope if Locke doesn’t promise to leave Sun and his baby alone. He doesn’t want them coming back. Locke promises, but asks if Sun finds him what should he do? Jin says that he wants Sun to think he’s dead and gives Locke his wedding ring as proof.

Locke descends down the rope, and then we have flashy lights again. Sawyer grabs the rope and yells for Locke to hold on, but he doesn’t and falls to the bottom. When the lights clear Sawyer is holding a rope planted in the ground.

“I think you can let go of that now,” Miles says dryly.

Good thing Locke didn’t listen or else his ass would have been encased in the ground. Nasty.

Charlotte gets worse and Daniel asks her to hold on. He tells her about telling Desmond to find his Mom and that his Mom can help.

“I’m not allowed to have chocolate before dinner,” she says and dies. And I can’t help but think of David Allen Grier playing the bum who yells out random stuff, “I can make a booger talk!”

At the bottom of the well, Locke is all busted up and screaming in pain. His bone is sticking out of his leg. He calls for help and realizes he’s not alone. It’s Christian Shepard, Jack’s dad! He’s carrying a creepy lantern and looking very I-know-what-you-did-last-summer-ish.

He tells Locke that when he told him to save the island he had to move the island, he meant him, not Ben. But, Ben told me that he had to do it and I had to stay and lead his people, Locke says. Who told your dumbass to listen to Ben? Yes, paraphrasing. Christian tells Locke that after he convinces everyone to come back he needs to find Eloise Hawkins in Los Angeles. Ben tells Christian that Richard told him he was going to die and Christian is all, “That’s why it’s called sacrifice.” Locke is all teary-eyed, but says he’s ready.

I’m sad.

Christian tells Locke that on the other side of the wall is a wheel that has slipped off it’s axis. All he has to do is give it a little push. He asks Christian if he can help him up, and Christian says no. I thought it was kinda cold till I realized he didn’t say he didn’t want to help him up, but that he couldn’t. Which I think means that my theory of the island only being able to mimic people who are actually dead on the island is right and maybe he’s all misty and intangible. As Locke pushes the wheel lights go off and Christian says, “Say hello to my son.”

“Who’s your son?”

But he’s gone before Christian can answer.

Three years later, Ben gives Sun Jin’s wedding ring after they arrive outside of a church. He says he got it from Locke and that it’s proof that Jin is alive. Sun’s ass is sold. She’s down for whatever.

Desmond shows up and realizes that they’re all looking for Eloise Hawkins, Daniel’s mother. Ben seems surprised to hear this bit o’ news. They enter the church and there’s Eloise burning candles.

“I thought I said all of them.”

“This is all I could get on short notice.”

She sighs at Ben’s failure.

“Alright. Let’s get started.”

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