Harper’s Island – Epi. 1: “Whap” & Epi. 2: “Crackle”

Harper’s Island – 37 miles off the coast of Seattle

Seven years ago, 6 people were murdered by John Wakefield.

They were the first murders in the history of the island…

… they will not be the last.

Seattle, Washington

On a boat, people are celebrating the upcoming nuptials of a young couple, Patricia (Trish) Wellington and Henry W. Dunn. An annoying little girl, Madison, is running around with the “bloody finger in a box” trick. Abby arrives, best  friend of groom, in a cab. She grew up on HI.

"I don't know why you all are laughing. I'M the one marrying the rich chick."

The groom’s uncle, Marty, is drunk. He goes below deck and puts a gun in his pants.

Trish comments that they’re still waiting for Cousin Ben.

Someone drops a beer bottle into the water… and we see a man tied to the bottom of the boat with a scuba tank. I guess we have just found Cousin Ben. The yacht is fired up and Cousin Ben loses his head. No one notices.

"It's a shame Cousin Ben isn't here. He really enjoys the water."

And we have credits…

“One by one…”

Trish gets a call from Hunter Jennings, but doesn’t answer it.

Some snooty girls on the boat discuss the murders from seven years ago. No one knows why Wakefield went white boy crazy (I bet you he’s white) and killed those people. Abby’s mom was one of the people killed.

The wedding party boat arrives on HI. Abby runs into an old friend that works on the docks. He’s hot!

Abby goes walking into the woods alone (why?!) and comes across a huge tree. She has a flashback to finding her Mom, and others, hanging from the tree. Henry scares the crap out of her. When they leave, there’s a guy watching and holding a knife. We just see his arm. Creepy!

Not only does the wedding party have a whole inn to themselves, they have the whole island too. Perfect for murder!

The hot dock worker/fisherman, Al, helps the yacht’s crew get some rope that’s caught under the boat. He comes thisclose to finding Cousin Ben.

It turns out that Henry comes from nothing and it’s a big deal for him to be marrying a Wellington. Uncle Marty tells him not to let Trish’s father intimidate him.

A blonde British guy contemplates proposing to his blonde girlfriend, Chloe.

Madison, the bride’s niece, is burning a snail with a magnifying glass. She’s the killer! Everyone knows that they start young with animal torture.

Abby gets a mysterious call; someone plays, “Ava Maria” and hangs up.

Trish gets a text from Hunter. He wants to meet her in the south lobby. She meets him and he kisses her. She pushes away and tells him that she’s getting married. “Are you sure?” he asks. I do not like Hunter. He is douchey AND creepy.

Trish dances with Henry, but it’s so obvious she’s thinking of Hunter. Uncle Marty dances with Chloe while her would-be fiances watches.  Abby leaves to find Henry’s brother, JD.

Trish’s sister, Shay, tells her she should tell their father to make Hunter leave.  Shay tells Trish if she has doubts, she shoudl say something. She says she loves Henry.

Uncle Marty listens as Mr. Wellington and Hunter chat in the woods. Daddy has set Hunter up to try and break up the wedding. He tells DaddyWarbucks that Patricia has agreed to meet him in the morning.

Abby goes to a local bar looking for J.D. She finds him drinking alone and texts Henry. And then she sees Al (with his fine self ).  He challenges her to a game of pool.

Madison finds a gift bag with a tag reading, “To Our Cousin, Ben Wellington.” She rips the tag up before running off with the bag when her mother calls. See! I told you she’s the killer! How did she know he won’t be needing that gift bag. Either that, or she’s a thief.

Uncle Marty sits with Mr. Wellington and lights a cigar. He pretty much tells him not to frak with Henry.

Some douchebag at the bar stars messing with J.D. when he sees J.D. talking to his ex. J.D. and the guy get into it. The sheriff breaks it up. The sheriff seems to be Abby’s Dad. He drops J.D. and Abby off at the inn. Hey, the sheriff is Bobby from Supernatural! When Henry sees Abby, he asks who she was playing pool with at the bar.

Chloe goes swimming in her underwear while her wussy would-be fiance watches. when he goes to join her, she screams.

Madison is one creepy little girl. She stands over her parents’ bed watching them sleep. When the Mom wakes up, Madison asks if she knows that people died on the siland. Her new friend told her that. That girl needs an exorcism.

When Chloe scares her boyfriend, he holds her head under water. She gets pissed and tosses his pants in the water. The ring is lost. She storms off into the woods and screams again.

Trish and Henry have sex. When she goes to shower, Henry sees that Hunter is calling her on the cell.

Uncle Marty is walking along the pier when he falls through. He’s half up and half down when someone starts slicing him up. He shoots below, but the person still “whaps” away.

Nooo, not Uncle Marty!

Someone leaves a newspaper clipping about the HI murders on Abby’s mirror.

R.I.P. Uncle Marty - Victim #2

Episode 2: “Crackle”

Abby goes for a run in the woods the next morning. Al and Shane (douchebag that got into it with J.D.) hunting and Abby stops them from killing one. She’s seen enough blood on the island.

Trish meets Hunter on the docks. He wants another chance, but she blows him off.

Someone has broken into the museum and stolen a head-spade from a display. The Sheriff, Abby’s Dad, investigates.

Shane teases Al for still being caught up on Abby. When they get to his truck, someone has slit a deer’s neck and left the body on his hood with the word, “psycho” written in blood on the windshield.

Henry goes to J.D.’s room and asks if he’s seen Uncle Marty. He hasn’t. J.D. has a ton of prescription bottles on his dresser. Henry wants J.D. to behave himself and not ruin Henry’s wedding week. J.D. accuses Henry of always wanting to be liked. When Henry leaves, J.D. continues to wash blood from his hands in the bathroom. Is it deer blood or Uncle Marty’s?

The wedding party is preparing to do a scavenger hunt around the island.

Cal, the mousy blonde guy dating Chloe, was on the yellow team, but he allows one of Henry’s douchey friends to switch and put him on the blue team. Now Chloe is on the team with all of Henry’s friends. Abby comforts Cal and tells him they’ll kick the yellow team’s ass.

Henry and Trish find time to do it… again.

The priest is wandering through the woods when he gets caught in a trap that send him hanging upside down by his foot. His hearing aid falls out. And then his head gets cut off.

The blue team is at the bar answering questions for the scavenger hunt. Abby speaks with a girl named Kelly whose mother was also killed by John Wakefield. She’s jealous that Abby got to leave HI and get away from what happened. When Abby goes to the ladies room, Kelly follows and scares the crap out of Abby. She admits that she sees Wakefield even when she’s awake. Shane comes into the bathroom and kicks them out. Charming. When is he doing to die? Soon, I hope. Kelly tries to apologize for her ex.

Outside, Cal feels stupid because he let Sully take the yellow bandana and place him on the blue team. Abby and the other team members convince Cal to go fight for Chloe. They tell him there’s a shortcut that will probably lead him to the yellow team. He leaves and Abby figures she’ll follow him, but before she can Al shows up. She apologizes to him for stopping him from killing the deer. They talk about Kelly and how she didn’t get over what happened to her Mom. Shane comes out of the bathroom and asks Al if he mentioned to Abby what happened to his windshield. He tells Shane to shut up. Shane says that after Abby dumped Al and left, Al was made pussy-whipped.

At the cemetery, Chloe finds John Wakefield’s grave. She’s excited by it. Sully tries to kiss her and gets DENIED.

Lucy, a blonde from the blue team, returns to her room at the inn with her little dog and finds Trish waiting for her. They talk about Hunter. Lucy tells her to stay away Hunter. She’s with Henry because he’s a good guy and that’s why she’s with her boyfriend, Ryan. She advises Trish to talk to her Dad… not knowing that Dad is fully aware that Hunter is sniffing around.

Abby is walking through the woods alone (AGAIN!) when Kelly scares the shit out of her (AGAIN!) She asks if she can come to L.A. and live with Abby. AWKWARD. Abby has a hard time hiding her, “Bitch, is you crazy?” face. Kelly feels stupid and runs off. Abby sees Kelly meet up with J.D.

Abby is going back to her room when Henry approaches. She admits to ducking out on the scavenger hunt. She mentions douchey Shane showing up.

Henry goes to see Al. Al jokes that Henry has done really well for himself going from being a deckhand to marrying Trish. Henry wants Al to tell Shane to lay off like he told J.D. to. Al doesn’t think it will work. Henry invites Al to a get together later that night. Al is hesitant. Even when Henry mentions that Abby will be there.

Cal is lost in the woods. Will these white people stay out of the woods?! He also gets caught in an upside-down-from-a-tree-ankle trap.

Henry goes to his room looking for Trish and sees a blood trail. It leads to a deer head in the bathtub. The killer is so thoughtful!

Mr. Wellington is fussing at Hunter for not getting through to his daughter yet. Trish walks in on them.

Cal is still upside down. He hears footsteps. It’s Sully. Sully finds Cal’s map on the ground and takes it. He claims he’s gonna go for help in getting Cal down. What a bastard!

Trish is freaking out in her room when her Dad comes in. He says he sent Hunter away. He claims that Hunter came to him and he turned him away.

Abby finds Henry trying to clean up the deer brains. She assumes it was Shane. She goes off to confront Al. Al says that Shane found a dead deer on his truck. Abby doesn’t think it’s an excuse. Al offers to talk to Shane. He says this isn’t the way he pictured her homecoming.

Abby goes to see Kelly and tells her it’s okay if she wants to come stay with her in L.A. J.D. is in the background shirtless. Kelly is a little too happy to be going to L.A. Abby leaves and Kelly celebrates by having sex with J.D.

Later that night, the blonde bartender, Nicky, arrives to pick up Kelly for the bonfire. As she knocks we see Kelly hanging from the ceiling.

Henry gets a text from Uncle Marty – “Found a wild one. C U at wedding.” He doesn’t have time to dwell on it ’cause Shane shows up. Henry punches Shane and then he leaves. Lucy is calling for her dog, Gigi, who runs into the woods right by Hunter, who’s stalking.

The police are at Kelly’s house and she’s still hanging from the ceiling.

Chloe is looking for Cal and Sully suddenly remembers leaving Cal in the woods. A group goes in search of Cal while Lucy looks for Gigi. She falls through a trap – a hidden big-ass hole in the ground.

They find Cal and he’s okay.

Gigi cries over the hole Lucy has fallen in. She calls for help. Someone pours gasoline on her and drops a match. She crackles.

Won't be going to L.A. after all.

Shoulda stopped, dropped, rolled, and cooled.