Why I’m Sure I’ll Be Published

I just finished James Patterson’s latest, I, Alex Cross, and I have to say: if someone published that steaming pile of crap, I will one day be published as well.

I’m a get-it-all-out-and-make-it-pretty-later kind of writer. I believe in getting the story out first because it’s the most important thing. Tell the story, and then worry about telling the story better; fix your sentences, choose better words, edit, edit, edit.

As I read I, Alex Cross, I felt like I was reading the get-it-all-out-version that had been accidentally published. What’s with these simple sentences and chapters where absolutely nothing happens, I wondered.

And it wasn’t just the writing. The plot was awful!

The Alex Cross books follow an African-American FBI agent/hostage negotiator/D.C. cop on his attempts to solve some of the country’s most dangerous cases. He lives with his three kids and grandmother. Movies were made based on two of the Cross books – Kiss the Girls and Along Came a Spider. Both starred Morgan Freeman as Cross.

I’ve read all of the books and was very excited when I read the teaser for the latest: A beloved member of the Cross family is murdered.

What?!

I couldn’t believe it. Cross had been the target of serial killers before. Could it be that the latest monster would kill his grandmother or one of his children? Um, no. SPOILER ALERT: the murdered Cross is an adult niece we’ve never even heard of before this book. And if she has been mentioned before, I didn’t remember her so, who the hell cares?I mean, it wasn’t even the niece kidnapped in Kiss the Girls.

Are you serious, Patterson?

But I kept reading. Why? Because I have committment issues and I was curious to see who the serial killer, Zeus, turned out to be. There were hints that the killer had ties to The White House and the book also featured a sex house where the country’s most powerful people went to live out all of their kinkiest desires.

In theory, the story should have been awesome. Instead, it was senseless, boring, and at times, redundant. And don’t even get me started on the ending! SPOILER ALERT: Three pages after we find out who Zeus is, he is shot in the head without having to answer for his crimes or disclose a motive.

Also, how many times will Patterson tease us with his ailing grandmother coming thisclose to dying only to have her miraculously recover at the end? I mean, I’m not saying she’s old, but rumor has it that when Jesus returns, he owes her twenty bucks.

The book did end on a high note: Cross’ archnemesis, Kyle Craig, is back.

Do you read Patterson’s books? What do you make of his writing style and short-short chapters?

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It’s usually not like me to trash authors. I admire anyone that can get off their ass (or sit on it really) and write a book. I admire anyone that can find the time because I know how hard it is.

This is why I’m super excited to submit an application to attend The Hambidge Center – an artist retreat in the Georgia mountains. One of my journalism professors suggested it to me. She has gone twice and written several chapters of her now published books there.

You have to apply to attend on scholarship for a stay that can last from two to eight weeks. You’ll spend your time there in your own cottage with all the tools and time you need to create. No internet, no TV, no outside distractions like kids, bills, and video games.

HEAVEN!

Check out the studios here.

Cool, huh? Also, creepy, right? It’s like a Stephen King novel waiting to happen, but I still want to go. Donny and I talked about it last night and I’m gonna apply to attend late next year so that he can take a week’s vacation to be home with the kids while I’m gone. I’m going to ask my journalism teacher for a letter of reference, but I still need to ask one other person. Then there’s the task of coming up with writing samples to submit.

Eek! I’m excited and inspired!

How are you?