The Best of 2008

“Great Kennedy’s Ghost!” award goes to…

During the primaries one radio disc jockey proclaimed, “Barack better stop beating on that white woman (Clinton) like that ‘fore he go to jail.”

Barack Obama’s campaign motto of “No Drama” was so fitting for such a cool cat. Reagan went from movie star to President, Schwarzenegger went from movie star to Governor, Obama may be the first to go from President to superstar.

The Rebirth of Cool

“The Comeback of the Year” award goes to…

Forget McCain and Hillary in New Hampshire. The real comeback of the year goes to Britney Spears. Not that her album did all that well, but just the simple fact that she’s not dead yet is an achievement. Come on, how many of you laid odds she’d not see 2009? Don’t pay up just yet. There’s still a few hours left.

"I'm still here, motherbitches!"

“Not so fast, Progress!!” award goes to…

All those who voted for Prop 8. On the same night the country elected a black president it also voted to deny homosexuals the right to marry.

“Free at last! Free at last! Free… hey, where do you two think you’re going?”

Not so fast.

The “Way To Turn an Entire Profession Into a Joke” Award Goes To…

Joe Whatshisface. You know, the one whose name was invoked a zillion times at one of the presidential debates. The one who would have actually benefited from Obama’s tax plan. The one who claimed he’d be buying a company worth over $250k a year on his $40K a year non-licensed salary. The one who felt comfortable telling people Obama would not be a friend to Isreal based on nothing more than his desire to keep his own face in the news. The one who parlayed his 15-minutes that felt like an hour into a book deal and record deal. The one who later trash talked John McCain, a man whose shoes he’s not fit to shine. Yeah, that one.

Now, how can we get rid of Joe Sixpack?

The “Jackass Move of the Year” award goes to…

The CEOs of the big three automakers flying three separate private jets to D.C. to ask for a government bailout.

The “Most People Would Have Learned, But Not This Motherfucker” award goes to…

Dumbass O.J. Simpson proving that getting away with murder just isn’t enough for some people.

The “Foundation of the First Mother/Daughter Mutual Masturbation” award goes to…

The Twilight series. I haven’t seen mother/daughter bonding like this since a tampon commercial. You know it’s gone too far when both mother and daughter have Robert Pattinson posters and Mom takes time off from work to see him at the mall.

The Cullens: The coolest vampires since Tom Cruise bit Brad Pitt.

The “You Don’t Know How Good You Have It” awards goes to…

The people of Thailand whose prime minister was thrown in jail not for lying to the people, restricting their freedoms, and just being a general ass, but for… receiving payment for having appeared on a televised cooking show. If only it were that easy, we’d have pushed Bush to do Martha Stewart years ago.

The “Best Use of Leather” awards goes to…

Who knew Bush had such cat-like reflexes? I sure hope the Secret Service is more on the ball come January 20th. How he managed to launch that second shoe is beyond me.

And finally…

The “Most Anticipated Birth of a Baby Boy Since Jesus” award goes to…

Jack! Don’t front. Y’all know you were just as excited as we were.

Damn, I make some pretty babies.

What are some of your favorite memories/events of 2008?