The Best of 2008

“Great Kennedy’s Ghost!” award goes to…

During the primaries one radio disc jockey proclaimed, “Barack better stop beating on that white woman (Clinton) like that ‘fore he go to jail.”

Barack Obama’s campaign motto of “No Drama” was so fitting for such a cool cat. Reagan went from movie star to President, Schwarzenegger went from movie star to Governor, Obama may be the first to go from President to superstar.

“The Comeback of the Year” award goes to…

Forget McCain and Hillary in New Hampshire. The real comeback of the year goes to Britney Spears. Not that her album did all that well, but just the simple fact that she’s not dead yet is an achievement. Come on, how many of you laid odds she’d not see 2009? Don’t pay up just yet. There’s still a few hours left.

“Not so fast, Progress!!” award goes to…

All those who voted for Prop 8. On the same night the country elected a black president it also voted to deny homosexuals the right to marry.

“Free at last! Free at last! Free… hey, where do you two think you’re going?”

The “Way To Turn an Entire Profession Into a Joke” Award Goes To…

Joe Whatshisface. You know, the one whose name was invoked a zillion times at one of the presidential debates. The one who would have actually benefited from Obama’s tax plan. The one who claimed he’d be buying a company worth over $250k a year on his $40K a year non-licensed salary. The one who felt comfortable telling people Obama would not be a friend to Isreal based on nothing more than his desire to keep his own face in the news. The one who parlayed his 15-minutes that felt like an hour into a book deal and record deal. The one who later trash talked John McCain, a man whose shoes he’s not fit to shine. Yeah, that one.

The “Jackass Move of the Year” award goes to…

The CEOs of the big three automakers flying three separate private jets to D.C. to ask for a government bailout.

The “Most People Would Have Learned, But Not This Motherfucker” award goes to…

Dumbass O.J. Simpson proving that getting away with murder just isn’t enough for some people.

The “Foundation of the First Mother/Daughter Mutual Masturbation” award goes to…

The Twilight series. I haven’t seen mother/daughter bonding like this since a tampon commercial. You know it’s gone too far when both mother and daughter have Robert Pattinson posters and Mom takes time off from work to see him at the mall.

The “You Don’t Know How Good You Have It” awards goes to…

The people of Thailand whose prime minister was thrown in jail not for lying to the people, restricting their freedoms, and just being a general ass, but for… receiving payment for having appeared on a televised cooking show. If only it were that easy, we’d have pushed Bush to do Martha Stewart years ago.

The “Best Use of Leather” awards goes to…

Who knew Bush had such cat-like reflexes? I sure hope the Secret Service is more on the ball come January 20th. How he managed to launch that second shoe is beyond me.

And finally…

The “Most Anticipated Birth of a Baby Boy Since Jesus” award goes to…

Jack! Don’t front. Y’all know you were just as excited as we were.

What are some of your favorite memories/events of 2008?

Twilight Movie Review

If you liked the book, you’ll love the movie.

If you loved the book, you’ll really love the movie.

I really loved the movie.

Sue me.

I almost didn’t go. It occured to me the other day that I had seen a trailer for the movie (the whole stopping the van with his hand scene) before I’d even heard of the books and it wasn’t something I would normally pay to see. Also, I really didn’t want to be disappointed and for someone who usually doesn’t let critics sway her opinion, the negative buzz was starting to affect me. I’d only pumped a few ounces of breastmilk for Jack and didn’t want to think about my baby starving while Mommy went to get her Cullen on. I’d already told my 19 year old cousin Jaden that we’d be going so I prettied myself up for an afternoon out.

Before picking Jaden up I stopped at Krogers for some candy to smuggle in to the theater (don’t judge me) and since I pass the theater on the way to her house, I stopped to get our tickets so they wouldn’t be sold out. As I waited in line I noticed the two white girls purchasing tickets in the line next to me. They asked for two tickets to the 2pm showing of Twilight. I felt better about myself ’cause at first glance they seemed a lot older than teenagers. Then I noticed one returned her debit card to a velvet Crown Royal bag and realized how juvenile she must be. I turned my attention to the black couple purchasing tickets in front of me – also for the 2pm Twilight. I tapped the sistah on the arm.

“How’d you get him to come with you to see this?”

She smiled. “He wanted to see it. He’ll see anything.”

The brother turned to look at me as he put their tickets in his wallet, “I love going to the movies.”

I purchased tickets for the 2:50 show and left to get Jaden. She hadn’t read the books, but was curious to see what the fuss was about. I told her that I had enough candy in my purse to put us in a diabetic coma and we were off.

As we settled in to watch the trailers I tried not to think about the fact that I was probably the only female viewing this movie who was also lactating. Jaden and I made a date to see the Will Smith flick, “Seven Pounds” together and the movie began..

Twilight is the story of Bella Swan, a 16 year old high school junior who moves to Forks, Washington (the rainiest, cloudiest, most sun deprived city in North America) to live with her father so that her mother can travel with her new husband, a minor league baseball player. Just as Bella is settling in to life with her police chief father, she meets Edward Cullen. Edward is brooding, goregous, and pale.

Turns out, Edward and his “adoptive” parents and siblings are all centuries old vampires. What follows is the usual “I love you, but we can’t be together… or can we” storyline.

I’m going to write this with the assumption that some, if not most, of you have read the book. I know that upon my recommendation many of you got the first book in the four part series…

I was one of those readers that wasn’t feeling Robert Pattinson as Edward at all. Even when the movie started, I still didn’t like him. It wasn’t until, after being peculiarly hostile to Bella when they first meet, that he properly introduced himself that I “got it.” The 16 year old inside me sighed… and melted just a tad. But I’m getting slightly ahead of myself.

Forks looked exactly as I pictured it, though I thought Chief Swan’s house looked a lot better than I’d imagined. I love the fact that they diversified the cast a bit by making one character black – that was white in the book – and another Asian. I found all of them extremely likable… even Jessica who readers learn turns out to be a bit of a bitch. The introduction to the Cullen “kids” was perfect. In the book, they’re already seated at a cafeteria table when Bella notices the gorgeous, pale, quintet, but because this is a movie a more dramatic entrance was required. And we were treated to a bitchwalk. (I’ll be blogging about bitchwalks with Tralfaz soon.)

When I read the books, before I knew the cast of the movie, I’d always pictured someone like Katherine Heigl as Rosalie mainly because her standoffish attitude was very similiar to that of Heigl’s character, Isabelle, on the canceled show Roswell. But, I must say, Nikki Reid did Rosalie Hale justice.

Alice was perfect (more on her in a bit) and though I agree with the “look” of the actors picked to play Jasper and Emmett, I had small issues with their performances. Jasper is the newest member of the Cullen clan, who do not feed on humans, and as such he has the hardest time being around humans and controlling his natural desires. This should play across his face from time to time, but all I got from the actor was the panicked look of someone thisclose to shitting their pants. Emmett, who is tough, boisterous, egotiscal, and strong, only displayed the characteristics a fraction of the time. Other times he came off as a bit wiggerish.

Yesterday I looked at a video clip Chrissa had posted in her blog from her first time seeing the movie. It’s the scene where Bella first sits next to Edward in biology class and his hostile behavior leaves her bewildered. We later learn that he was having a strong, never felt before, reaction to her scent and was fighting the urge to feed off of her, to kill her. But she doesn’t know that. When I watched the clip from Chrissa’s blog, it played as comedy. People, including Chrissa, could be heard snickering as Edward eyed an uncomfortable, squirming Bella. I thought, this is a bad sign. People shouldn’t be laughing, should they?

Then I happened to flip through the book before going to see the movie and came across that part. I’d forgotten that in reaction to the looks of disdain on Edward’s face, Bella took a quick whiff of her hair to see if maybe she smelled bad. The scene was meant to be funny. Meyer’s had written it that way. When watching the movie for myself and able to see the clip in full, I noted that Bella walking by the fan sent her scent across the room to Edward, setting off his preternatural urges. It was funny watching her squirm thinking, “What is his problem? Do I stink? Is there a booger in my nose?” I found I wasn’t laughing at the movie, but with it.

The early introduction of Jacob was surprising, but necessary, as were the random murders throughout the movie. I thought it made the climax, which felt rushed in the book, more realistic in the movie. We know James, Laurent, and Victoria are coming. The Cullens do not. I wasn’t feeling Taylor Lautner as Jacob Black either, until I saw him as Jacob. I do think, though, he’ll have to eat lots of spinach to pull of Jacob in the later movies.

I really couldn’t think of too much that was left out of the book except maybe the several days of Q&A as Edward and Bella got to know each other, though they did touch on that a little as they did the nighttime chat montage. Whatever was left out wasn’t missed by me so I have no complaints. Although, I would have liked to see a scene where he disappears from her bedroom because he can hear Charlie coming well before she could, but they made up for that by his reaction outside her house when Jacob and his father, Billy, were driving up.

When Bella realizes what Edward is the confrontation scene the next day was very well done. When she sees him across campus, approaches, but continues to walk by him without saying a word he silently follows. No need to say, “We need to talk.” He knew what was up. Everything that followed was both sexy and scary.

I read some complaints about the special effects, but I didn’t see a problem. Where were the areas that people found this lacking? There really didn’t seem to be much of a need for anything too extravagant. One thing I did note was the absence of fangs. Is it just me or were there no fangs in this vampire flick? Jaden had one of several very funny lines tonight as we pulled into her driveway still gushing over what we’d just seen.

“When he was in the sunlight I expected him to burn, but they really were marketing this to teenage girls – he glittered!”

I enjoyed everything from the restaurant scene to Bella’s relationship with Charlie going from uneasy to comfortable. He’s not as I pictured him, but Charlie had some great lines as well. “I put another pepper spray in your bag.” And I found that where the books made Bella too clumsy at times the movies gave her just the right amount of awkwardness.

The baseball game was something I was really looking forward to seeing on the big screen and it didn’t disappoint. It was another way for the movie to display the personalities of the other Cullens who had relatively small roles in this film but remain such large characters for those who have read the series. And I mentioned earlier, because we’d gotten a taste of the danger James and company represented throughout the film, the final confrontation didn’t seem as rushed and forced as it did in the book.

My favorite part of the final battle is when Alice, Emmett, Jasper, and Carlisle arrive to help with James. Not to give anything away, but I loved seeing the vicious side of Alice. I leaned over to Jaden, “Damn. Alice ain’t no joke.”

I loved how excited Jaden was at the end of the movie.

“Nooo, they can’t end it like that! Now I have to read the books.”

And so we headed to my house so she could borrow my copy of Twilight and I could nurse Jack whose starving image invaded my paranoid mind several times throughout the film. Note: He took to the pumped breastmilk via a bottle just fine which means more girls’ night out to the movies for me and Jaden.
I loved, loved, loved, this movie. I thought it remained surprisingly true to the book. Was just the right length though I wouldn’t have minded more. The acting was decent – I thought sometimes Edward was a little too wide eyed, but enjoyed the subtle scenes for those of us who have read the books like when he tries to move and behave human as he nervously waits with Charlie for Bella on prom night. I cringed at Bella’s delivery of this line, “What is going on?” as she and Edward pulled up to a bunch of police cars. Normal people say, “What’s going on?” Jaden and I each had a, “Well, hello there” moment when Carlisle first pushed through the double doors at the hospital. I’d forgotten about him and Esme (another casting I didn’t agree with until I actually saw it) up until that point.

I wanted to see more Cullens, but I know that there will be time for that in the next movies as I’ve read the books and I know how their stories unfold.

It’s not gonna win any Oscars, but it will delight fans of the book. As Jaden summed up perfectly on the way to my house, “I can see why people were so addicted. It’s like Pokemon for girls!”

What’s Wrong With Cheese?

So, there’s this big debate going on amongst my friends on Facebook. People are defending their love for the Twilight series and others, most of whom admit to not having read the books, are pondering why grown ass women are swooning for the movie. One said that she was going to risk the wrath of a bunch of women to point out that she found the book cheesy.

What’s wrong with cheese?

Since when was it law that once you become an adult you can no longer participate in adolescent things. Ok, so there’s the whole sex with minors thing but, besides that?

When I first wrote about the book I said that it wasn’t high brow reading. That the dialogue wasn’t great. But something about the book tapped into that teenage girl I used to be. I remembered what it was like to be excited to go to school the next day just to be with your new love/crush. The feeling of “will this day ever end” when he’s not around. What Twilight captured was this amazing first love experience for those that never experienced it. When you’re of a certain age (teens) your worldview is shaped by the environment you’re in, the type of books you read, and/or what you see on T.V. More often than not, teenagers base their opinions on what’s hot, funny, how love should be, how marriage works, the best way to talk to boys, etc., on media because real life usually isn’t as exciting. Then, when you know better (get older) you do better.

That doesn’t mean, of course, that you still can’t appreciate certain things. Should I never watch The Wizard of Oz or Willy Wonka again?  Just because you read and happened to enjoy the Twilight series as an adult, doesn’t make you stupid. That’s just as bad as assuming that anyone who professes, “I only read non-fiction” lacks imagination. Or anyone that watches a lot of television doesn’t read as well. That’s what’s stupid.  Taste is subjective. The same person who hails Twilight as cheesy might have tacky ass curtains hanging in their living room or still rocks the fannypack.  Who cares?

I think a lot of people need to get up off their high intellectually superior horses when bashing adults who have read and liked Harry Potter, Twilight, Lord of the Rings, and the like. There are plenty of adults reading intellectually stimulating history, non-fiction, etc., books that are douche drippings.

I’m going to come out right now and admit that Kali picked this book up at her school’s book fair this week:

Thirteen year old Jonathan has always known that he was adopted, and he’s nevers thought it was any big deal.  Then he and a new friend, Chip, who’s also adopted, begin receiving mysterious letters. The first one says, “You are one of the missing.” The second one says, “Beware! They’re coming back to get you.”
Jonah, Chip, and Jonah’s sister, Katherine, are plunged into a mystery that involves the FBI, a vaset smuggling operation, an airplane that appeared out of nowhere – and peopl ewho seem to appear and disappear at will. The kids discover they are caught in a battle between two opposing forces that want very different things for Jonah and Chip’s lives.
Do Jonah and Chip have any choice in the matter? And what should they choose when both alternatives are horrifying?

And if that weren’t enough, listen how she described the book to me…

“So, there’s this plane. And it doesn’t show up on radar (what does she know about radar?) and no one is flying it. When it lands… guess what it’s filled with?”

I shrug.

“Babies!”

Creepy.

… and guess what? Based on her description and my skimming through the book, I may read it. So what?

Now, the other point people are making is that they can’t believe grown women are doing some of the things they’re doing in excitement over the movie. I kinda see their point. One asked, “What’s next? Camping outside for Jonas Brothers’ tickets?” Well, two things there. If they’re for my kid, that’s one thing. But overall, no. I personally think it’s irresponsible to camp out for anything when you’re a parent, but that’s just me. Also, I wasn’t tryna be at nobody’s midnight showing of Twilight last night. I got babies at home and personally didn’t feel like I had any business sitting up in some movie theatre at 1 a.m. But that’s just me.

Am I excited to see the book I liked on the big screen? Yes. Am I curious to see the interpretations of characters? Of course. But I’m not one of those lusting after Edward. Sorry. I drew the line at tapping into my inner awkward teen while reading the books and remembering what it was like to find love at 16.

But I’m not trashing those that feel differently. And I don’t think others should either. I don’t think anyone reading this can claim to have the most intellectually stimulating book, movie, or CD collection. There’s a little fluff in all our lives. A little chese.

And that’s not a bad thing.

Stephenie Meyer, Where Have You Been All My Life?

I love vampire books and movies.

One vampire series that I’ve been into is the Anita Blake series by Laurell K. Hamilton. Years ago a clerk in a bookstore recommended them to me as I purchased a Buffy the Vampire Slayer calendar. In the Blake series vampires are real and everyone knows it. They live and work in our society like everyone else. They have to abide by certain laws and are even protected by some (hate crimes, y’all.) When they break these laws, that’s where Anita Blake steps in. She’s a licensed executioner. What? You think you can just lock vampires up in a jail cell?  Anita is also a reanimator. She raises the dead. If Papa dies before making his wishes clear, the family can hire Anita to raise his ass and find out who gets his golf clubs and who gets his Grandfather’s watch.  Anita falls for a vampire and a werewolf.. oh yeah, they’re real too. People can contract the lycanthrop disease and become werewolves, wererats, weretigers, swans, etc. I always pictured her werewolf lover, Richard, being played by Hugh Jackman.

Anyway, for some reason I could never get past book four or five in the series though I own them all. Reading these Stephenie Meyer books has inspired me to finally finish them.

What I want to know is why now? Why is it that it suddenly seems as if everyone I know is reading or talking about these books?  What did I miss? There are four books out so they’ve obviously been around for awhile. Why now?

Donny just got back from Walmart with book 2, “New Moon.” I’m on page 250 of “Twilight” and I suspect I’ll be done with the book by morning.

So far, what makes the book so good for me is the chemistry between the leads. It’s everything we wanted out of high school romance. It’s sexy, dangerous, and forbidden.

I just read a part where Edward, the vampire, tells Bella that he cannot give her a ride home from school because he’s leaving directly after lunch to hunt. He’s doing this to ensure he’s fed before he spends the next day with her. She says she’ll walk home. Knowing her penchant for attracting trouble, he tells her that when he leaves school he’ll go to her home and bring her truck back to school for her. Knowing that her home is locked and the key to the truck is in the pocket of a pair of dirty jeans in the laundry room, she figures she’ll be walking home. When she leaves school that day her truck is parked in the lot and there’s a note on the seat.

Be safe.

I closed the book, swooned, and said out loud, “Sweet fucking Lord.”

This is definitely a “girly” book. You’ll want your very own vampire boyfriend by page 100.

Go get the first book. Read it. THEN youtube the trailer for the movie, “Twilight” which opens this fall.

I’m In Trouble

Last night Jack went to sleep a bit earlier than usual. He started nodding off around 10:45 instead of midnight. I decided I’d go to sleep then too, just in case he only slept for a short while… I wanted to be refreshed and ready if he did. Sure enough, he awoke a little after 1am for a diaper change and feeding. While I was nursing him I started reading Twilight, the first book in Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series.

Oh boy. Jack was drooling on my arm and instead of putting him down in the bassinet I kept holding him so I could read. I knew that I was wasting precious sleep time, but I couldn’t help it. I made the excuse that I wanted to make sure he was in a deep sleep before I put him down so I could justify holding him and not going to sleep myself. Really, I just couldn’t put the damn book down.

Some of you wanted to know what the books were about and what I thought. I’ll give you an early answer on both.

So far, the book is about a teenaged girl who moves to be with her Dad in Forks, Washington. She doesn’t really want to, but because she felt her mother wanted to be able to travel freely with her new, and younger, husband, she makes the sacrifice to move from Phoenix so that her mother would be free to do so.  She becomes curious about five pale, beautiful, and mysterious students at her new high school… one of which is Edward Cullen.

And I’ll stop there. I’m on page 83. The writing isn’t GREAT, but it’s interesting. As is the main character, Bella Swan. She kinda reminds me of Veronica Mars, but a little more vulnerable. The chemistry between Bella and Edward is insane and I find myself totally disregarding the whole vampire element (don’t worry, I’m not spoiling anything that isn’t already on the back cover of the book) because of it. It wasn’t until a page before where I am now that it actually occurred to me that the author is so far implying these five are vampires, yet they attend school during the day. How is this possible? I can’t wait to read more and find out. I’m already thinking I should have bought all four books in the series like I started to yesterday. That’s okay. Walmart isn’t far.

Why am I in trouble? Because all night/morning I chose to read that damn book instead of sleep while my newborn slept and this morning I am paying the price. We’re taking Jack to the doctor in the next fifteen minutes and I find myself excited for the wait in the office because it will be my next opportunity to read. (I can’t read in a moving car. It gives me a headache.)

Also, I got a health textbook I should be reading! Damnit to hell I don’t need this distraction.