BIOBaby: Breastfeeding Part 2

Ah, so many things. I very rarely do this, but I thought I should post a follow-up to yesterday’s blog and address a few things. It’s going to take me a moment to respond to each of the comments like I want to, and there are some broad things I wanted to point out.

Most of you have been reading my blogs for over three years now. So, you’ve heard this before. I treat my blog like my living room. I speak here the way I speak to family and friends who come to my home. Those of you who have become “real life” friends from my blog, and been to my home, can attest to that. You are encouraged to speak your mind and engage in vigorous debate. I don’t delete comments of those that disagree with me, but I will delete comments that disrespect me. You can tell me I’m wrong, but you’re not gonna call me a stupid bitch while doing so. I wouldn’t tolerate that in my home, and I don’t tolerate it here. This also means that I defend your right not to be disrespected. Anyone who can’t make their point without being offensive will be deleted. Period.

After reading through most, but not all, of the comments on the breastfeeding in public blog, I wanted to say a few things…

1. Someone brought up a great point in that the act of breastfeeding should not be covered up. I want to be clear that wasn’t what I meant. You shouldn’t have to negotiate your child in such a way to hide what you’re doing because there is some stigma or shame to breastfeeding. I didn’t mean, and I don’t think some of the people responding, meant that you should breastfeed in such a way that no one can tell what you’re doing because breastfeeding is bad.

2. It seems to me that both sides had good points, but there are always going to be some who feel like their rights and opinions surpass the rights of others. So where do I stand? I see both sides. And I’m sorry if this doesn’t sit well with my fellow breastfeeding Moms. You have the right to breastfeed in public any way you want; completely covered with your child in a veritable sweat box, bare as you please with your breast exposed at all stages of the feeding process, or discretely behind a blanket/sling/shirt, etc. But you cannot deny someone the right to be uncomfortable, offended, and even grossed out.

I don’t think it’s gross, but I understand that not everyone shares my feelings. When we walk around thinking that everyone should feel the way we do, and then ridicule them when they don’t, we’ll all have problems.

I choose to “cover-up” when I nurse in public for several reasons:

1. I don’t want anyone looking at my breasts. Sorry. Call it what you want. People remarked, “If we lived in Europe…” Guess what? This ain’t Europe. I cover my breasts for the same reason I don’t put pictures of my daughter on the internet anymore. I cover my breasts for the same reason I don’t shove a full banana in my mouth, but rather break it into pieces when eating one in public. I cover my breasts for the same reason I bend at the knees and not the waist when picking something up in public. Why? People can be perverted. People have been known to take the most innocent of actions and get their rocks off from them. That’s why they’re called perverts.

2. I tend to wear shirts that open at the top. Even when I’m home and expecting family over. Why? Because I still have pregnancy tummy due to laziness at working out and I don’t want anyone looking at my baby fat. So, when we have family movie night, or a birthday party (as we’ve had several since Jack’s birth 7 months ago) at our house, I will nurse around family (too much of a social butterfly to leave the room and miss anything!), but I do so in a way that keeps my breasts covered.

Just as if we were in a restaurant, Donny will most likely hold a baby blanket up so that I can get my breast out and Jack latched on. Then I nurse with Jack covered. He is now at a stage where he will try to remove the blanket and unlatch to look around when he hears something interesting. I prepare for that by having myself in such a position, and around people, so that if it happens and my nipple is exposed, it’s not a big deal.

I’ve been at my parent’s house and in their kitchen when that has happened in front of my Dad. It’s not a big deal because even though I don’t go showing my Dad my nipples normally, we both realize that I’m feeding his grandchild and these things happen. Now, when I’m in the same situation with my cousin’s husband at the table, or my sister’s boyfriend, I will either nurse with my back to them so there’s no sudden nipple exposure, or I will leave the room.

This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with breastfeeding or even my nipples. It just means that maybe I don’t feel like showing my nipple to my cousin’s husband, and maybe he don’t feel like seeing it.

3. As for children, for all the people who commented that breastfeeding provides a perfect learning opportunity, I agree. But it’s not your place to decide when others educate their children. I personally would handle my child asking about a nearby woman nursing as such, “She’s feeding her baby. Don’t stare because it’s not polite.” And if they had further questions, I’d address them at home. But again, everyone doesn’t think like me and you have to remember that not everyone thinks like you. And that doesn’t make them wrong.

Maybe little Billy just wants to eat his chicken fingers, and maybe his Momma just wants to let him enjoy his chicken fingers without having to get into discussions over your breasts and what they do and why they do it.

4. I am not nursing my son in a public bathroom.

5. I am not going to “wait till I get home” to nurse my son if he’s hungry. No, he won’t starve, but being hungry is no fun either. And anyone that suggests to me that I wait until I get home to feed him would most likely get their feelings hurt.

6. Comparisons to pooping and peeing are dumb. Stop making them.

Finally, everyone should be a little more tolerant. Period. Breastfeeding moms, we haven’t cornered the market on what’s right, what’s beautiful, and what’s acceptable. I think it’s very sad that some women have this “all or nothing” attitude about it. As a breastfeeding Mom I support your right to nurse wherever and however you want, but don’t make me feel like I’m betraying some sisterhood because I choose to practice some form of covering up when I do.

BIOBaby: Breastfeeding in Public

The public breastfeeding debate has been going on for quite awhile now, and I’ve pretty much kept out of it because it’s one of those things where my attitude had been, “People who make a big deal out of this are stupid.” I admit it. Overall, I felt that people who complained really needed to find other things to occupy their time.

A short conversation with Donny a few weeks ago forced me to look a little deeper. He came into the bedroom and asked me, “Would you breastfeed Jack in public?”

“Yes, why?”

“That’s gross.”

I almost slapped him in the head with a nursing bra. Feeding his son is gross?

He goes on to tell me about a coworker coming from the bathroom, and passing an area in Home Depot where customers are allowed to, I don’t know, measure stuff. Anyway, a woman had taken advantage of this quiet spot to breastfeed her baby. The coworker said that the woman wasn’t covered up.

There are too many layers to this for me to say, “I feel this way and that’s that!” I think it needs to be broken down.

1. Breasts were made for nursing. Period. It’s their sole function for women. If you choose never to have a baby, then you won’t lactate. You will only use your breasts for the side benefits that come with having them; filling out a shirt nicely, pleasing your partner sexually, earning a few bucks, etc. (God, I hope the newbies realize that the last bit was a joke.)

Using your breasts for the reason God gave them to you, in my opinion, is never gross. This isn’t to slam mothers who chose not to breastfeed, but I don’t think anyone can argue that of breast milk and formula, breast milk is the healthier option. There’s a reason pediatricians tell nursing mothers that even water isn’t a necessity when feeding newborns. Breast milk has everything they need. As we continue to break this down, you will never be able to convince me that breastfeeding in public is gross. Some other words maybe, but not gross.

2. Now’s the time when it would be helpful to make a flow chart. Define “in public.” Does it matter if the woman is covered or are you offended even if she’s using a blanket or some other form of cover?

Some people are truly offended if a woman is nursing her child in public even if she’s covered! I don’t get that, and if you’re one of those people, I invite you to share your feelings below to help me understand.

If I’m in a restaurant and Jack gets fussy and/or hungry, I don’t see the big deal in covering up and feeding him at the table. This pretty much goes for any public place; as long as I’m covered.

For the most part, nursing mothers are prepared and well-organized. You Moms know what I’m talking about, even if you’re not nursing. We leave the house with more supplies than a soldier going off to battle. A mother worth her salt has a diaper bag bulging at the seams with bottles, formula, diapers, wipes, bibs, extra clothing, toys, lotions, blankets, etc. I can’t imagine, if given a choice, most nursing women choosing to whip out a tit for everyone to see in order to feed their child.

But if they do, I can see where this would make some… heck, maybe even most people uncomfortable and offended. Kevin, a friend of mine/my web guru, brought up a good point; he doesn’t want his kid seeing it. Never mind that he doesn’t have kids, but I saw what he meant. It can be pretty uncomfortable explaining to your kid why the lady at the next table has her boob out. On the other side of that though, what’s wrong with just explaining breast feeding to your child?

When I asked Donny, “Why gross?”

“OK, maybe not gross, but why wouldn’t you just go in the bathroom? Why would you want men seeing your boobs?”

You know, I don’t have the answer to that. My only thought is that when you are breast feeding, you tend to forget that your boobs are objects of lust. Seriously. I’ve had a boob out and not even known it. I am notorious for forgetting to pull my bra flap up after nursing Jack, and the other day I walked past the big gallery window with my left tit justa hangin’ out. I don’t even feel it! They’re not sex objects at that moment. To me, it’s no different than leaving the cap off the milk!

I’m sure there are women out there wanting to prove a point, so they’ll whip out a boob to feed their child just to prove they can. I am not that woman. In fact, I’m hard pressed to find a situation in which I’d be forced to nurse Jack in public, without any cover. I totally would (I’m not gonna let my baby go hungry for anyone), but I think the chances of me having to are highly unlikely.

But if I did, I don’t want to be labeled as gross. Inappropriate? Sure, to some. But it’s not gross. And I would hope that people nearby would cut me some slack and realize that I’m just trying to feed my child, not make a statement.

So, what are your thoughts? Does it bother you to see a woman nursing in public even if she’s covered? Why? What are some alternatives? How would you explain a nursing woman to your kids?