TCTBTF: Week 1 Goals

How’d you do on your first Too Cute To Be This Fat goal?

Remember, mine was to eliminate all soda for a week. I slipped up twice. Once, we got some Italian take-out and I instinctively ordered a Sprite. Don’t you hate it when you slip up on your diet and it’s not even worth it. I was halfway done with the Sprite when I realized that 1. I was drinking something I had no business drinking and 2. it tasted like ass. Then, later in the week Kali asked if I would buy some Apple Fanta because she’d never heard of apple soda. Neither had I, so I did and I tried one. It was like fizzy apple juice.

I’ve lost 3lbs this week just by cutting out down on soda. This week my goal is to continue with the no soda and only water challenge and incorporate a no fast food challenge.

I’m about to head to the market and do my grocery shopping for the week. I’ve made a dinner menu and everything.

Chicken Tacos

Fish Tacos

Southwestern Cilantro Lime Mango Grilled Chicken Sandwiches

Chili

Sage Pork Chops w/ Parmesan Rice

And one night we’re going out to dinner for an assignment I have.

So, how’d you do this week? What will your week 2 goal be?

P.S. Need some extra motivation? Try going in your closet and looking at all the cute clothes you can no longer wear. That’ll set your ass straight real quick.

TCTBTF: This Is The Remix

OK. I’m not playing. You people better help me. You better be involved and accountable. I want tips, recipes, and motivational tools. I want participation! If you guys slack on me, I will never, ever, ever, speak to you again. I mean it!

The first order of business is to vote on whether or not we’re gonna be disclosing sizes and weights. I’m torn. On the one hand, I think it might prove to be helpful if we’re open and honest (at the very least it will shame us into action) about our numbers. On the other hand, who the hell wants the whole internet knowing what a fatty they are? I sure don’t. Also, the numbers may prove to be a distraction in the beginning.

Here’s my vote: I think everyone should mark their weight, measurements and garmet sizes down starting Sunday morning. For the first few weeks, let’s just focus on changing habits one at a time. For the first month, each week, we’ll set a goal and incorporate it into our lifestyles. Like, your first week you may decide to concentrate on cutting out soda. Week two you may decide to incorporate a walk every day. Week three? Cutting your carbs.

Each Sunday we can share how we did meeting that goal and announce our new one. We won’t be replacing the goals, but adding them. After two weeks you’ll have made two changes, three changes after three weeks, etc. Also, everyone will be responsible for sharing one tip, piece of encouragement OR healthy recipe each week.

We’ll begin this Sunday, November 1st. So eat all the halloween candy you’re gonna the night before. Also, if you’re like us and do your grocery shopping on the weekend, you can do your shopping for the first week on Saturday so you’ll wake up with the right ingredients in your house on Sunday and not be tempted to hit up IHOP or Dunkin’ Donuts.

That said, we will not berate each other for slip-ups and since we’re taking it slow (remember, you didn’t gain the weight in a week so you won’t lose it in one week either) you should make your goals realistic. If your first week’s goal is just to take a walk everyday, so be it. Don’t beat yourself up if you miss a day. You took more walks than you did last week.

Hmm, my first week’s goal will be… no soda. At all. I’m a soda fiend and I need to stop. And not just no soda, but I need to drink more water. In addition, I’m going to incorporate my normal changes when I get serious: limit carbs, sugar, fried foods, more fish and veggies, etc., but my main goal for the week is to eliminate the soda.

What about you? What’s your week one goal?

If you follow me on Twitter, feel free to tweet during the week if you need a motivational push or just to vent on how its going.  I’m neenerspb. Leave your Twitter name here so we can all follow you and let’s make sure to hashtag all of our tweets with #TCTBTF

No One Is Happy Being Fat

In the several years that I’ve been blogging, I’ve pissed off and offended many people. I’ve pissed off my sister, friends, and fellow bloggers. My father was in for a bit of an uncomfortable shock when he stumbled upon my blog heralding the joys of oral sex. Hey, everyone is forewarned!

Then there was the time I pissed off the Christians by saying how creepy I found it when random ones would approach me in parking lots asking if I had given any consideration to where I’d spend eternity. Um, not recently, but I am considering giving you snoutful of this mace in my purse. After that, I pissed of an Asian girl when I wrote an open letter to all the Asian girls on my campus. Listen, it’s not my fault they all dress like they’re going to the club instead of class.

Along the way there have been countless more, I’m sure – white people when I talk about white boys going white boy crazy, Floridians when I say it’s the child molester capital of the world, black people when I wonder why they can’t ever get their ass to a movie on time and then shut the fuck up while it’s on, Republicans simply for being douchebags, etc., etc.

Today, I’m gonna piss off fat people.

(Writer’s Note: It is truly not my intention to piss anyone off. I just like to say that I am. It keeps you reading. This is meant to be equal part humor, self-deprecation, and motivation. This is for all the people who complain about their weight, yet won’t do anything about it – at least not consistently. And I’m throwing stones at my glass walls. If you are fat/overweight (whatever word you like) and happy with yourself, then do you, boo. Do you.)

Being fat sucks. Anyone who is fat and says they are happy are lying. No one is happy being fat. Sure, you can be fat and have a great job. You can be fat and married to the man/woman of your dreams. You can be fat and have the most wonderful kids and the most fabulous friends. You can be fat and go on the most luxurious of vacations every year. You can be fat and drive a nice car, screw a hot girl, and wear the most expensive clothes. And all of those things may make you happy, but you are not happy being fat.

And if you say you are, you’re a big fat liar.

I don’t care what else is going on in your life, if someone told you that you could swallow one pill and get rid of that FUPA or stop having your muffin top muffining over the top of your jeans, you’d swallow that bitch before they could offer you a glass of water.

I am overweight. Yes, most of you are thinking, “It’s okay. You just had a baby.” Well, yeah, but that doesn’t make me any less overweight. Today I told a friend (who is a self-proclaimed “fattie”) that I lost six pounds since last week and recently discovered that I not only fit into a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans, but they are falling off! Instead of being happy for me, she informed that I am not fat. I am a fat faker. Apparently, I am faking the fat funk. She told me that I can no longer use the word fat as it would be considered offensive since I do not belong to the fat club.

OK, sure, I’m not obese or anything, but I am not comfortable. And I knew this would happen. For whatever reason, I turn into a beast when I’m pregnant. I just do. It’s all la la la until the third trimester and then my footsteps on the second floor have Donny casting wary glances at the ceiling and wondering if the flat screen one the first floor is mounted to the wall securely.

When you are fat.. I mean, overweight, it is always there. When you’re playing on the floor with your kids, the fat is crouched in the corner, a reminder that you’d be able to play more and without losing your breath if you’d just lose 20lbs. When you’re typing away on the laptop, the fat reminds you that a year ago the laptop rested on smaller, firmer, thighs. When you walk into your closet the fat reminds you that there’s a whole wardrobe you can no longer fit.

I have felt all of those things and it sucks. And if I feel that, if I know the dread that comes with being invited out, but turning down the invitation because you can’t wear your nice clothes and can’t bear to buy something new in your new fat size, then I’m sure people who are fat/obese are downright miserable.

I used to get so mad watching Star Jones on The View. She’d always make remarks about how confident she was with this “big is beautiful/more to love” bravado. The whole time though, she’s breathing heavily and coughing up powdered sugar. If you’re out of breath from talking while sitting, something ain’t right. I thought the message she was putting out was a dangerous one. I believe in personal responsibility, but I wondered how many women with weight problems were watching and let that pump them up or allow them to lie to themselves. Now, after surgery, she admits that her health was in danger and she was unhappy. No shit.

It sucks when you let the fat stop you from living your life. Let me tell you a story: A few years ago I had discovered Myspace after one of the best seasons of Big Brother (one of my favorite reality shows.) One night, I was looking for friends on the site when I remembered reading that one of the stars of that last season, James R., had been discovered for the show from his Myspace page. I looked him up and sent him a friend request. I knew nothing about Myspace and how it worked. Then I started blogging and building a small audience. One of the first people not related to me to leave a comment on a blog was James. We became friends. A short while later, his girlfriend at the time called to invite me to a surprise dinner party for James. My first thought was that I wouldn’t go because I wasn’t happy with my weight.

I should point out now that:

1. James is hot.

2. No matter how much I love my husband, I will always be one of those women who likes looking her best when in the presence of a good looking man. It doesn’t mean that I love my husband any less or will be any less faithful. But if given a choice, I will always choose NOT to look a hot ass mess around hot guys. And if one of those hot guys should be so bold as to smile and tell me how great I look, I will smile, blush, and get all atwitter at the compliment. It’s how I roll.

I got over my stupid issues, went to the birthday party, and had a great time. I was looking at pics from that night the other day and thought, “What the hell was I smoking?” I would kick a puppy down a flight of stairs to look like that now! Now? Sheeit. Now, James could be pounding on my front door, battered and bruised with a homicidal maniac hot on his ass, and I wouldn’t let him in till I lost 20lbs. I’m just saying.

I have delayed meeting up with an old friend I recently found on Facebook because of baby weight. I have dreaded visits from out-of-town internet friends because of this baby weight. I have turned down invitations for Donny and I to go out to dinner with friends. I have avoided going to my husband’s job because I’m so annoyed with myself and this weight.

And if I’m “not that fat” and I’m living like this, I can only imagine what truly overweight people are feeling and how much life they’re not living. (For the record, I consider myself truly overweight. Being 5’11 only gives you but so much in the way of camouflage.)

There are a bunch of reasons why people can’t/won’t lose weight. Some of it’s medical. Some of it’s just poor lifestyle choices. In my case, there’s this vicious cycle going on. I know how to lose weight. When I focus and get into it, not only do I lose weight quickly, I enjoy it! And because I know I can do it, it’s easier to procrastinate getting started. It’s convenient to say, “I know I can lose 20lbs in three months so who is it going to hurt if I start next week over this one?” The problem is next week turns into the week after and then the week after that.

Who knows? Maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe there are people out there quite loving their flabby bellies and back fat. Maybe there are people out there who, for whatever reason, have just decided to ride the fat thing out. But for those that aren’t happy, for those that can go days with feeling fine until they have to try on a piece of clothing that no longer fits or run into an ex, I hope they/we do something about it. I think we need to make those unhappy moments the rule and not the exception. We need to remember how much we hate it when deciding between fast food and a home cooked meal. We need to remember how much we hate it when we decide to take the elevator over the stairs.

We need to make the decision to be happy and healthy.

***

So, I just had a convo with my friend who is now calling me a fat faker and she feels as if I’m coming off as attacking fat people. Granted, she hasn’t yet read the blog as I type this and this is based on our IM conversation about the blog.

Let me be clear:

• I understand that I am approaching the weight thing from a totally different perspective than someone who has been overweight for many years or their whole life.
• I understand that it is possible to gain weight and like it. Been there. Done that. Rocked the t-shirt. I was a rail before I got pregnant with Kali. I still have clothes from that time and I wouldn’t want to be that skinny again. I liked my post-Kali body once I got it in order. Finally, no more white girl butt! The problem became when I gained 30lbs after that and only lost 20 of that 30 before getting pregnant with Jack. This weight, I’m not happy with.
• Anyone that has been reading me for awhile knows that I don’t make broad generalizations. Of course there are happy fat people. And I’m sure there are people who are happy who happen to be fat and happy WITH THE FAT. I may not understand it, but I’m sure it exists. And come on, would you click on a blog titled, “I’m Sure There Are Fat People Who Like Being Fat, But I’m Not One Of ‘Em. No Offense To You If You’re a Happy Fatty?” I think not.
• I do think people make excuses and I think that making excuses is always easier than putting in the work. Not all overweight people, but some. Definitely people like me. It’s easy to say that eating something that tastes good but is bad for you makes you happy. It’s hard to say that maybe you shouldn’t be eating it right now or that the portion is too big.
• I always say that bad things can happen to good people who are where they’re supposed to be and doing what they’re supposed to be doing. You can be in great shape and get cancer. Knowing that, why take the chance on getting heart disease or diabetes because you can’t control your eating habits?
• My children didn’t ask to be here and I owe it to them to not die at 40 because Mommy couldn’t stop stuffing her face with bad foods.
• If you are overweight and happy with it, I’d like to hear from you.

If you are happy being fat, good for you. For me…

TCTBTF: Week 14 – Healthy Breakfast and Hoop Dancing

I have been so good this week! Let’s see:

1. I removed the skin from the fried chicken Donny bought before eating it.

2. I had two big bowls of grilled chicken salad while everyone else had Wendy’s.

3. When I realized that I left for class last night w/o my dinner (salad), I didn’t stop at fast food. I did; however, get a yogurt parfait from Starbucks.

4. I’ve worked out every day this week. Yoga, step aerobics, light boxing, and crunches up the butt. Well, not up the butt literally.

I’m down….. *drum roll, please*… THREE POUNDS this week. As my white friends say, “Woot!”

That’s -10lbs in 14 weeks. I’m over thinking about how much more that would be if I were on track the whole time. It is what it is.

My dedication to working out is thanks to www.socialworkout.com which I talked about last week, but more on that in a bit.

Today I want to talk about breakfast, my favorite meal of the day. In fact, we probably have brinner (breakfast for dinner) once a month at our house. It’s also usually a good indication of the kind of day I’m gonna have. When I have a good breakfast it keeps me from being so hungry by lunchtime that I have no patience or will power to make good decisions. (Lunch is usually my worst meal of the day.) What I love about breakfast when eating healthy is that there are so many good things you can eat, and lots of it!

Some of my favorite breakfast items/combos are:

1. Whole wheat toast w/ ICBINB, scrambled egg whites, juice, yogurt.

2. Fruit, multi-grain Cheerios, tbs of peanut butter

3. 1 cup of oatmeal with a  little sugar and butter.

What are some of your healthy breakfast ideas?

I mentioned last week that I’m doing this April Workout Challenge at Social Workout. You have to work out 26 days in April. I’ve decided I’m only resting on Sundays. So far, so good. I really love reading the blogs of the other people taking the challenge. I’ve found lots of interesting and motivating information.

This one girl mentioned hoop dancing in her post, and when I asked her what it was, she linked a few of her performances. I want to share one with you now. Unfortunately, she hasn’t been on since sharing the links so she hasn’t seen my request for an interview. If she does, and agrees, maybe I’ll feature that in an upcoming TCTBTF blog.

She’s so great. Her name is mARTa. Ladies, doesn’t that motivate you to keep at the crunches and keep the fatty foods to a minimum? It does for me.

TCTBTF: Week 12

People often comment, “I don’t know how you do it all!”

I multi-task like a mofo. If I didn’t, I’d go insane. I am incapable of doing just one thing. If I’m studying or doing homework, I’m also watching shows off the TiVO. If I’m going to the bathroom, I’m also reading or on the laptop tweeting and blogging. If I’m playing a video game with Donny, I will stop to read a book when new scenes are “loading.” Even when I’m falling asleep, I’m writing. I’m thinking about the next chapter of my book, or my next blog, of a school project. For someone so lazy, I honestly can’t sit and do nothing.

For the past 12 weeks I’ve made changes to my eating habits, fallen off the wagon, and climbed back on again. I’d yet to make a committment to working out though. My excuse had been, “I’m too busy.” And I am! Between Jack, Kali, schoolwork, the site, and my book, I’m swamped. I couldn’t figure out a way to work out and get other things done. The thought of sweating away on the elliptical and just… well, sweating away on the elliptical seemed boring and a waste of time.

Until last night…

I came home from class, nursed the baby, and changed into work-out clothes. I got on the elliptical and while I worked out…. I played the X-BOX. I know, I know! But it worked! The time flew. I’d been saying for months now that I wish I had freetime to play video games like I used to. Well, now I have a way to get my gaming on and do something worthwhile.

Last night it was Uno Rush. I don’t think I can handle anything as involved as sniping people in the head in Halo 3. I’ll just stick to card games for now.

Breakfast today: Yogurt and cranberry juce. After I post this I’m gonna make some egg whites, whole wheat toast, with a tbs of peanut butter and more juice. Dinner will be pasta with meat sauce and a green salad.

I’m down 2lbs this week. Bringing my 12 week total to …. -4. I’m getting back on track, folks. And when Donny gets home and takes Jack, my Mom and I will do the Wii Fit.

How have you been?

TCTBTF: Week 4

I am happy to report, yes happy, that I have not lost nor gained any weight this week. This is perfect because it allows me to address something. I don’t believe in quick fixes! I don’t believe in magic pills, and magic creams, and magic food combinations (try the corn salsa chick pea diet!) that will suddenly make the pounds disappear. It took me awhile to get to this point, because I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe that just three small payments of $19.98 and one jar of fat burning cream later, weight loss was possible.

Bullshit.

We all know the key to weight loss and being healthy: Eat less, eat better, and move your fat ass around every now and again.  For the past month I was proof positive of that and I think it’s fitting, and accurate, that this week I maintained. Why? Because I only did two of those things (eat less, eat better… and even then I half-assed it) and the third… yeah, not so much.

I guess I’m also taking this week’s status quo so easily because normally when I diet, I’m also getting my period. So, there’s that one week out of the month where I either maintain or gain a pound or two (but the next week I always lost a good chunk.) Of course, I’m nursing and not getting my period now, but I can still live with one maintaining week out of the month.

So, what did I do (or didn’t do) to not lose weight this week? Well, for one, I had an inside out burger. Donny took ground sirloin and seasoned it with course salt and ground black pepper. Then he chopped up a shallot really fine and mixed it all together with some Worcestershire sauce. Next, he chopped up about six slices of bacon into tiny bits and cooked it on the stove and then added to that mushrooms. While that was cooking, he sliced up some swiss cheese into cubes. He made one large patty with the ground sirloin and pressed a well in the middle into which he put the cooked bacon, mushroom, and some of the cheese. Then, he covered that patty with a smaller patty and sealed it together. He cooked those on the stove for a few minutes on each side, then put them in the oven.

So, it’s Donny’s fault.

When he had left for the store to get the ingredients, we’d seen it on a cooking show we TiVo’d, I went to the show’s site. I noticed it listed grapeseed oil which was not mentioned on the show. So, when Donny came back and had already been preparing them downstairs, I told him about it.

“Oh, I just cooked the burgers in the bacon grease.”

“Um, why don’t you just sprinkle some sugar on those bitches and then come rub them directly on my ass.”

So, yeah one night I had an inside out burger with a green salad on the side. And I didn’t keep one pledge to work out! Between working on this site, Jack, perfecting my query letter, massive amounts of school work and quizzes, and finishing my book, I just haven’t had the time.

Other than that, I did really well. I mean, at least I didn’t gain, right? This morning’s breakfast was:

-         A bowl of multi-grain cheerios

-         One strawberry banana yogurt

-         1tbs of peanut butter

-         a banana

-         grape juice

Week 4 weight loss: 0

Overall: -7lbs

Next week’s pledges:

-         Workout!

-         Try cauliflower mashed “taters”

What about you? How’d you do? What are your pledges for next week? Did you keep any this week?

What a Difference a Day Makes

Screw. That.

What a difference 6lbs and a new hair color makes.  That’s what’s up.

And thank God I’m married to the greatest man ever. He hasn’t minded this new “lifestyle” at all. He offers to work out with me, he doesn’t complain about the food – because really, the food is not all that different than what we normally eat. I just make sure to eat a lot less of it. Well, he didn’t complain until last night and then it was a small complaint.

“What’s for dinner?”

“Baked potatoes.”

“And?”

“Umm…toppings?”

“Are any of those toppings meat?”

“Shut up.”

So, while I got some schoolwork done potatoes baked. When they were done Donny called from the kitchen, “Call out to me what you can have…one at a time.”

“Half a cup of black beans, three ounces of cheddar cheese, 3 tablespoons of reduced fat sour cream, 1 tablespoon of salsa.”

He’d been loading my potatoe the whole time.

“You’re not going to eat all of this.”

“If I want to meet 1200 calories today I will.”

I totally did. And it was good!  Before bed, I got on the elliptical for 30 minutes but would have done more had my iPod battery not died – I hadn’t charged the damn thing in days.  As I worked out I felt so good. I found myself wondering how many calories sex burned.

When I entered the bedroom Donny was already getting into bed. I took a shower, got all lotioned and good smelling, brushed my new shiny flaxen hair, and got into bed.

“Hey, did you shower?”

“No.”

“Donny!”

“I like to shower in the morning.”

“Well, I like to fuck at night.”

Not that I always have to have us both freshly showered before sex, but last night I was all clean and smelling like creme brulee and he smelled like…work.

This morning, as he was leaving for work I noticed for like the millionth time how sexy he looked in his new District Manager gear – light blue button down shirt with khakis – and he’s growing his hair out which I love.

“What are you staring at?”

“Just thinking how sexy you look. Maybe tonight you’ll take a shower. I don’t want you putting your dirty penis in me.”

Ghetto Grandma

As I was preparing Thanksgiving dinner for tomorrow and talking to my friend David on the phone, I was reminded of a funny conversation I had with my Grandma a few months ago.

So that you fully understand, I should tell you that my Grandma is an old, black southern woman to the core.  She spent a great deal of her life living in NYC but never forgot her NC roots.  She is also, to borrow a phrase from Chris Rock, “a ghetto snob”.

We are on the phone a few months ago and I’m explaining to her how Weight Watchers works which is basically this:  all foods have a point value and depending on your age and weight, you are alloted a certain number of points a day to eat.  Almost all vegetables are zero points with the exception of really starchy ones.

Grandma: OK, so I’m making lima bean soup for dinner tonight.  How many points is that?

Nina (referring to the WW points guide): One point for every one cup of lima beans.

Grandma: That’s not bad at all.  I can really have a good meal and be full and not spend so many points.

Nina (proudly): Right, now you’re getting it Grandma!

Grandma: Ok, sweetie, now how many points would it be to add some fatback?

Stunned silence follows.  Then I start to stammer and hem and haw.  How do I explain to my 78 year old Grandmother that fatback has no business in a WW’s diet?