Big Brother 11 – “Welcome to the Party”

The pity party!!!

Previously on Big Brother: Chima targeted Russell during her HOH reign. The house didn’t know that America awarded Jeff with the Coup D’etat power. At last week’s elimination, Jeff used the power to remove both Lydia and Russell from the block and nominated Natalie and Jessie. Jessie was evicted. Michelle won the next HOH competition.

And now…

Flash back to Jeff standing up to reveal he was the coup d’etat winner. Jordan’s jaw literally hit the floor. Kevin clutched his pearls. Chima looks like a house just fell on her sister.

As everyone votes one by one, Chima berates Jeff for using the power. Even Jessie acknowledges it was a smart move, but logic goes on deaf and dumb ears. Jeff explains that Jessie and Natalie were ruling the house and no one was putting them up. Jessie whispers, “It’s not like that.”

Brother, it was EXACTLY like that!

As we see Jessie’s eviction, Chima and Natalie cry in the diary room. Like, actual tears. These bitches are crazy. On  his way out, Jessie stiff-arms Kevin.

Lydia cries that Jessie didn’t get in her head, he got in her heart. And you got in his pants, Skanky. Before the HOH Chima and Natalie still bitch that Jeff had the nerve to do something that benefited him in the game.

Michelle wins HOH. She’s so weird.

Russell is shitting bricks because he has berated Michelle in the past. Everyone admits that they have no idea where her head is at in the game.

Jeff points out to Jordan, Michelle, and Russell that whether they will admit it or not, he opened the door for everyone to get the money because no one was willing to nominate/go against Jessie. True dat.

In the red room, Chima and Natalie realize they have to really push Michelle to nominate Russell.

Everyone goes up to see Michelle’s HOH room. It’s as exciting as she is. Moving on…

Outside, Russell tells Jeff that if they are on the block and he wins POV, he’ll use it to take Jeff off. Russell is so full of shit. In the HOH room, Russell kisses Michelle’s ass so she won’t nominate him. He apologizes for yelling at her and calling her crazy. They hug it out.

Big Brother gives them Chinese food on eviction night. Jordan and Russell eat outside with Jeff who can’t eat because he’s on slop. Meanwhile, Natalie, Chima, and Lydia toast to Jessie.

In what has to go down (no pun intended) as one of the most poorly-worded toasts ever, Lydia, the girl who went down on Jessie numerous times says, “We only got a taste of him…”

*GAG*

Then, the three Bitches of Eastwick proceed to cry over the fact that Jessie was evicted. This is made even funnier by the cuts to Kevin’s diary room where he rightfully points out that Jessie nominated Chima, voted to evict Lydia, and then stiff-armed him for keeping Natalie in the game.

The next morning, Michelle admits to Jordan, Jeff, and Russell that she’s thinking of putting Chima up. Russell and Jeff damn near dance a jig in excitement.

During the Have/Have Not competition, Chima continues to act like a twat.

Then we get a super stupid segment on Lydia’s stuffed unicorn, Dae Yum Yum. That bitch is crazy.

Outside, Russell asks Jordan if she likes Jeff and if she’d date him outside the house.  She also points out that she’s also 22 and not sure of what she wants. Jeff asks Jordan if she wants to get married, and she says yes. She demands a square-cut diamond. He says he’ll get her diamond grills instead. Then he says she’ll be happy with whatever he gets her and then I swoon because he’s hot when he’s forceful and shit.

Natalie asks Michelle where her head is at. She hints that she won’t be putting Russell on the block. Natalie leaves and Chima comes in. Michelle warns her that she won’t like the nominations. Chima doesn’t like it, but you can tell she’s still trying to play nice still because she doesn’t want to get nominated. She warns Michelle that if she doesn’t put Russell up, he’s gonna come after Michelle.

Oh, America gets to vote for more Have Not food. Please God, let churros and chitlins win. That would be awesome.

Nomination time!

Michelle nominates Chima and Natalie. Bwahahahahaha! I love it.

DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS:

By now you all know that Chima went all psycho-bitch and left the Big Brother house. How does this affect the jury vote and this week’s Double Eviction? Tune in tomorrow night and Thursday to find out!

Ding Dong, the witch is dead!