Battlestar Galactica – Season 4.5 Epi 16: Deadlock

First off, a special shout out to Gus and his Tampa peeps who will hopefully be reading this tonight or tomorrow. Thanks for your kind e-mail the other day. It came during one of those self-doubting times us neurotic writers seem to have all too frequently.

Secondly, I’m so excited for tonight’s episode. I’m a sweaty, geeked-up and giddy mess. Don’t judge me!

As with last week, the recap starts after the second blue header.

Thoughts – Predictions – Questions – Theories Going Into Tonight’s Episode

1. Humans on Kobol created original skinjobs who went to Earth and eventually procreated like humans. Why can’t the skinjobs created by the Five (refuse to call them Final since they were first) reproduce with each other? Did the Five create them with that drawback? Did they just not evolve enough yet? We know the females can get pregnant by both humans (Helo, with his fine ass) and a Five Cylon (Tigh, with his gruff, sexy self), so what’s with the juice of the Dorals, Cavils, Simons, and Leobens? Was that nasty? Yeah, I think it was. Sorry.

2. So, we know that they stole the power of resurrection and creating life from the Kobol Gods and therefore got the boot. Why did the Cylons decide to go to Earth while the humans went another way? Again, how did they even know to call it Earth? It would seem that they had some contact with the 12 colonies because how would the humans even know they made it and called the place Earth!? I may be getting deeper than the show intends to go with that one.

3. Who are these messengers that appeared to the Five on Earth that no one else could see? Does this tie-in to the Head Six that only Gaius could see, and in turn, the Head Gaius that only Caprica Six could see?

4. The Five retraced their ancestors’ steps to find the 12 colonies. They stopped at the Temple of Hope, but Ellen claims they did not set up any “parlor trick” that would allow D’Anna to see their images there. So, who did?

5. We know that John was created first in Ellen’s father’s image and named after him. Will we find out why the other models were fashioned/named as they are? Does Six have a frakkin’ name?! What if it’s something really pedestrian like, Ethel? How funny would that be? She was named after Tigh’s grandmother! LOL OK, I’ll stop now.

6. I still defy anyone to tell me the show provided proof that Gaius’ Cylon-detector test didn’t work. Again, we’ve only seen evidence that it did (Boomer.) Maybe it doesn’t work on Fives because of their origins, but it worked at some point on the skinjobs we knew.

7. Who the hell set off the music that “woke up” Tigh, Tyrol, Anders and Tory? Did Ellen hear it too?

8. I know that the writers didn’t intend to make a big deal out of the Final Five until the point in season three where they realized they were going to have Gaius living aboard a Cylon base ship and only seeing the same 7 models, but how fortunate for them that they had already placed Cavil (John) in such strategic places! He was with Anders’ resistance group on Cylon-occupied Caprica, he counseled Tyrol when he suspected he might be a Cylon (which is extra frakked up since we know now that he planted Tyrol with memories of having a priest father and Oracle mother), he frakked Ellen and tortured Tigh on New Caprica.

9. I still think Starbuck is a Cylon-Human hybrid. Her Mom was military and could have easily encountered Tigh back in the day, or someone else. Her drawings as a kid? Same behavior as Hera. The apparent resurrection… but I have no answer for her brand spanking-new Viper when she returned.

10. What up with Roslin and her visions and the Opera House?

11. How did Boomer know where to find the fleet after escaping with Ellen and where the frak did she get a Raptor?

Do you have questions that I didn’t think of? Will any of these questions get answered tonight? We’re about to find out in about 24 minutes!

Deadlock

Previously on Battlestar Galactica: Galactica is falling apart at the seams, literally. Caprica Six is convinced love is what help conceived her and Saul Tigh’s baby. Before going into surgery, Anders warns Tigh to stay with the fleet. Ellen resurrected 18 months ago aboard a Cylon base ship and escapes with Boomer’s help.

And now…

Various Sixes and Eights work on Galactica alongside humans. Adama shows up and asks Tyrol if he can touch the goo they’re using to fix the ship. Tyrol explains that it hardens like cartilage and becomes really strong and flexible. Adama sticks his hand in it, and then asks if it’s alive. I’m thinking that’s something you should have asked before you touched it!

In the bowels of Galactica, people are so desperate for food they’re eating rodent pellets. OK,  I’m sure that’s not what it is, but it sure looks like it!  Caprica Six is there with a hooded shawl-like thing on like that will disguise her tall, blonde, ass.

Some ruffians, yes I called them ruffians, approach her. “Hey, Cylon.” She tells them they don’t want none of this, but they don’t listen. They insist they do. And she gives them some in the form of smacks and kicks. Looky-loos are like, “You just got your ass beat by a pregnant Cylon, son.”

Doc Cottle is checking Caprica’s baby and insists he’s fine. Tigh wants Caprica to stay in the hospital for the night, but she says she’ll be fine at home. She and the baby, Liam, are fine.

At CIC,  unidentified Raptor is picked up on Dradis. It was reported missing a year ago. So, now we know how Boomer got it – she jacked their ride!  Vipers and a heavy Raider are deployed to investigate. The Cylons confirm that there’s an Eight on board. Adama orders it brought in.

Everyone rushes to see who their visitor is. I guess it’s a slow day on Galactica. It’s Ellen. “How many dead chicks are out there?,” Hot Dog wants to know.  Tyrol approaches Boomer and gets all up in her grill. They’re practically sniffing each other like animals. It’s kinda hot!

“Nice to see you again,” he says. Awwww. Is this the first time they’ve been face-to-face since his bloated, pale face wife, Cally killed her? I think it is. She was aboard Galactica before when she, D’Anna, and Cavil wanted to make a deal concerning the Eye of Jupiter, but Athena called her out and she had to wait in the hall. That’s when she told Athena that Hera was alive and aboard the Cylon base ship.

Anyway, Chief calls her out and Adama orders her taken to the brig. They will throw a mofo in the brig in a second. Adama does not play.

Tigh shows up and can’t believe his eye! He and Ellen hug and kiss hello.

And we have credits….

While we watch credits, can I just say that my Chinese food tonight arrived ten minutes before show time? How perfect was that? And for some reason, no matter how long it takes to arrive, the Chinese food always arrives pipin’ hot! How do they do it? Ancient Chinese secret, I suppose.

Ellen fills in Tigh, Lee, Roslin and Adama on John’s plan. She explains that John wants them to rebuild resurrection because he can’t be bothered with biological trial and error and evolution and all the rest. She can tell they’re all taken aback by her fancy talk. They’re not used to her not slurring her words and stuff. To make them feel at ease she asks for a drink and Adama produces a flask from his hip. Hey, don’t judge him! It’s been a rough few days!

Ellen wants to see the other Five. She asks them to imagine what it would be like if instead of 50,000 survivors, there were only five. Imagine how close they’d be, and then to have it all torn away by John’s evil ass. Tigh tells her not to worry, that it’s all over now. Um, no it ain’t! John is still out there!

She wants to know how much he remembers and he says not much, just flashes. Lee chooses THAT moment to jump in and tell her about Anders. Information cockblocker! I hate Lee. He’s so annoying. Why did he pick that moment when we could have gotten some more Five info? Ellen insists again that she wants to see the others. Adama tells her they’ll see.

Everyone leaves her and Tigh alone and they get busy on the table. He sees her as Caprica Six before they do the do. Classy.

Meanwhile, Caprica is having tummy pains in her quarters.

Gaius returns to his Nymph Squad of Crazy Ass Followers. (NSCAF) They’re all happy to see him except one girl I’ve never seen before. Her name is Pauls. She appears to have been the leader while he was gone. Paula explains that anytime they got supplies, men would come and take them away. Now they have weapons and can protect their food and themselves.  Gaius claims he stayed away just so they could discover how strong they are. Paula ain’t having it. Head Six appears and tells Gaius that Paula’s gonna be a problem.

In the afterglow, Ellen wants to know who Tigh has frakked while she was gone. She insists she’s not mad because he thought she was dead. Dude, don’t answer it! It’s a classic woman trap! “Just tell the truth and I won’t be mad!”

He tells her he’s been frakking Caprica Six, but he thought of her every time. Ellen is not impressed to find she’s been his mental porn. She’s all on her high horse saying they made Caprica Six! Pot, meet kettle, thy name is Ellen Tigh. Conveniently, she’s forgotten that she was doing The Swirl with Cavil who looks like her Daddy, but she treats him like a son. Ick!

Adama looks at the repairs being done to Galactica.

A Six, an Eight, Tyrol, and Tory sit by Anders’ bedside. Doc Cottle is like, “It sure is crowded in here.” He is always so crotchety! Ellen shows up and strokes on Tory’s and Tyrol’s faces. She is sad to see Anders hurt. The Six tells her that they’ve been talking about taking the Cylon base ship and jumping away. They don’t feel safe in the fleet.

Ellen says it won’t work. That Hera is the hope of a blended future. (I guess John filled her in on Hera) Tory tells her that used to be true, but Caprica Six’s baby is pure Cylon and now, they can all go off and frak their hearts out to make more Cylon babies.

I see a problem with this. Unless I’m mistaken, the only male skinjobs on their side are Leobens. And according to Caprica, they’re shooting blanks. So, does Tory think that she, the Sixes, the Eights, and Ellen will be frakkin’ Anders, Tyrol, and Tigh to repopulate the race? I think that’s asking a lot of Tigh, Tyrol, and Anders. Just sayin’.

They think that they can live indefinitely on the Cylon base ship even if they don’t find a planet to colonize and they can take better care of Anders. I don’t think Ellen heard anything after, “Caprica Six’s unborn baby…”

“Caprica Six… is pregnant?”

And Tigh stares at Tory for a good five seconds before finally reacting to Ellen’s question. In those five seconds, you can totally read in his one good eye, “Thanks a lot, big mouth!”

Ellen is disgusted. “You are our children!” Tigh is stammering that he didn’t know, and that it was a surprise… as if that makes her any less pregnant or that he frakked her less. Men.

Tyrol is all, “Um, this is nice, but can we save this for Maury Povich? Are we up outta here or not?”

I loves me some Chief Tyrol!

Tigh says they are not going anywhere. They can’t abandon the fleet. They need to listen to what Anders said. Ellen is going on and on how even after her death, Tigh can’t stop poisoning her.
The Eight, Six, and Tyrol and Tory look on helplessly. “Mommy and Daddy please stop fighting!” Any minute I expect the Eight to go to her happy place.

Tigh says Ellen can go, but he’s staying. Six says they won’t leave without only some of the five. It’s all or nothing. Eight tells them to vote and majority rules. It’s the way Cylons roll and they got it from The Five.

Tyrol votes to go, which surprises the hell outta me. Tory votes to go ’cause she’s a bitch like that. Tyrol says they know Anders would want to stay and Tigh has already made known how he feels. It’s two against two. She looks to Ellen, but she’s going on about how all those years she and Tigh couldn’t get pregnant must mean that he didn’t really love her. I forgot, Cylons believe that conception is only possible with love. Those crazy kids! Ellen refuses to cast her deciding vote and storms out.

Down in the bowels of the ship, Gaius’ followers show him how they don’t need to hide themselves anymore. They’ve been trading the jewelry they make for food. Um, if people are starving why the frak would they trade their hamster pellets for some homemade bracelets? But, whatever. Gaius comes across a pretty girl with a cute son named Gaius. Little Gaius is starving and Gaius proclaims for all to hear that he’s gonna come back and feed everyone if it’s the last thing he does. Paula does not look pleased.

Roslin approaches Caprica in the hallway and congratulates her on the baby and apologizes to her for the attack in Dogsville (?) So, the bowels have a name! As they walk through the halls people stare like, “Well, ain’t that a bitch. Three years on the run from the bastards and now they’re all chummy chummy.”

Roslin and Caprica agree that they haven’t had visions since Caprica’s been pregnant. Roslin wants to know if that means Liam is important. And Caprica is all, “Heifer, he’s important no matter what! He’s my baby!” Roslin is properly put in her place.

Starbuck’s at the bar and wonders when the bartender got a piano in the joint. He doesn’t answer. Rude. Tyrol shows up for a drink and Starbuck asks if he’s gone to see Boomer yet. No. Well, she says, you should go watch her while she sleeps. It’s what I do with Anders and it’s not at all creepy. Tyrol takes the whole bottle and leaves. You know, I’m not sure I like a bar on Galactica. I miss the days of everyone drinking in their quarters to hide their dependency and depression. This all out in the open business is for the birds. Galactica is going to shit.

Speaking of which, we get yet another scene of Adama staring at the busted seams of Galactica and the Cylon goo doing its thing.

Ellen shows up at Tigh’s quarters to see Caprica. She wants to talk and she wants booze. Ah, this is the Ellen I remember. When I watched last week’s episode with commentary (podcast) from R. Moore, he said, “She’s still the same Ellen. She still likes to smoke, drink, and fuck.” He wasn’t lying! Anyway…

Ellen makes sure that Caprica knows she and Tigh had sex. She also tells her that when they were trying to have a baby, Tigh liked the name Liam. Damn, she plays dirty! Ellen tells Caprica that if Simon knew about the baby, he’d want it. And Caprica is all, “Let his ass try.”

Ellen insists she won’t make Tigh choose. He loves Caprica and there’s not much he loves more. For some reason, I can’t help but think Ellen is about to snap Caprica’s neck. But she doesn’t. She just leaves.

Gaius is in Dogsville (?) handing out food when some… more ruffians show up to take the food. They have big guns so they get their way.

Ok, where the frak is Adama?! How is this allowed aboard the ship?

Ah, there’s Adama. He’s getting to’ up from the flo’ up with Tigh in his quarters. They are drunk off their asses. Adama asks Tigh if he was born. Tigh says he was. Born on Earth, but he doesn’t remember it. And even if he did, he wouldn’t ’cause no one remembers being born. Duh.

Adama talks about the Galactica not being the same once the goo takes hold, but he know they need the Cylons’ help. Hey, I just thought of something. Last week, when Adama found out about the structural damage, Tyrol told him that the engineers cut corners; a nod to the fact that they were under a budget when making the mini-series and joked about cutting corners. This lead to them cutting the corners off all paper products in the show as an inside joke. OK, back to tonight… Adama says that Lee and Roslin don’t think he sees it, but he does. They are becoming integrated with the Cylons.

Gaius is railing against Paula for not telling him that the Sons of Aires were involved in the stealing of food. So, the ruffians have a name too! Now there are organized gangs running around Galactica? What the frak?

Head Six asks Gaius if he really wanted to feed those people, and he admits that he enjoyed it. The more he did it, the better he felt. She tells him he should tell his flock that because Paula sure isn’t being that inspirational.  He delivers an inspirational speech, with the help of Head Six, about how they can help the people and help themselves.

And yet another scene of Adama staring at the beams and pipes… blah blah blah.

Tigh meets with Ellen and asks her not to do this. Galactica needs the base ship. She should put aside her anger at him to do what’s right. All she wants to talk about is the fact that Caprica’s brush is where hers used to be and he threw out all of her dresses. It’s called Baby Mama Drama, and even Cylons aren’t immune.

Tyrol, Caprica, Tory, the Six, and the Eight show up because Ellen asked them to. Ellen votes to go. Which means that Caprica has to go too. Tigh says that an all Cylon nation doesn’t work and neither does all human. They need to stick together. Ellen accuses Tigh of not wanting to leave who he really loves. Adama.

“What is this?” Caprica wants to know.

“It’s petty and vile,” says Tigh. Love how he delivered that line. And he’s right.

Tigh’s not going. Tyrol says they agreed on majority rule.

“Well, frak apparently we invented majority rule, but I don’t remember it so frak that!”

Michael Hogan is awesome. I love me some Colonel Tigh! He drops more F-bombs than anybody.

Tigh says that Ellen doesn’t even want to go, but she’s doing this to hurt him. Ellen says how he loves the ship, the uniform, and Adama more than anything else. A quick shot of Tyrol’s face and I’m positive he has regressed to his happy place. He doesn’t like it when Mommy and Daddy fight either.

Caprica crumples to her knees in pain. Tyrol, Tigh, and the others rush to her side. Ellen looks all stupid.

Caprica’s baby is in distress and she accuses Ellen of wanting it to happen. Doc Cottle gives Caprica an oxygen mask to help the baby. Ellen insists that she knew humans and Cylons should be together, but that she was blinded by trying to hurt Tigh. She never meant to hurt Caprica or her baby. Tigh counters that she should have thought how it would hurt Caprica if he were forced to choose and let her go. He says it’s no wonder they had to invent a God for the skinjobs to worship; they sure couldn’t have them deify the Five. Ellen says the didn’t invent anything… and we are once again stopped from getting more info on the One True God because Caprica orders them both to shut the frak up.

Ellen says she shouldn’t be there and leaves. Tigh is so torn up over what’s going on. Ellen comes back and puts her hand on his shoulder. He grips it and cries out his one good eye.

And yet ANOTHER shot of Adama looking at the pipes and seams. Ok, seriously. We get it. He’s worried about his decision to let the Cylon goo run amok in Galactica’s veins. We get it!

All Edward James Olmos has done this episode is drink and stare at the walls.

Caprica is resting with Ellen and Tigh at her side. Ellen says Tigh has to tell her he loves her. He does.  But then…

“This is nonsense. She knows it. I don’t need to say it. I shouldn’t need to say it. To anyone. Isn’t it enough that I feel it? I feel it. For her, for you, for Liam. I shouldn’t need to spout the words. I feel it less with words. Just let me Gods damn feel it and I’ll fill the frakkin’ room.”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what makes this show so great. To all the people complaining that this episode was too soap opera, they haven’t been paying attention for four seasons. This show has always been about humanity. Not every episode needs a dog fight. You care about what happens to the people (and Cylons) more during the dog fights when you’re invested. Scenes like this make you invested.

There have been some great moments of dialogue on this show; Adama’s “you can’t run from the things you’ve created” speech, Lee’s testimony as Gaius’ trial, Roslin’s “who are you going to be” speech to the Cylons during the mutiny, and now that from Tigh. Good stuff.

Doc Cottle says the baby is in distress and it doesn’t look good. Caprica wants the baby cut out even if it kills her. Doc Cottle refuses. The baby won’t survive. Ellen says that she will leave and they can be together. She says Tigh loves her and the baby is proof. Little Liam dies anyway. That’s some sad shit.

Gaius is in Adama’s quarters. He has something to say to Adama, Roslin, and Lee.

“The two of you can stay and listen to this,” Adama says. “I’m gonna go to head. Do something constructive. A little project I’ve been working on.”

Brilliant! That is so much better than, “going to drop the kids off at the pool.”

Lee convinces Adama to stay and listen.

Gaius tells Adama that everyone sees the Cylon workforce aboard the ship and the Cylon pilots. They know about the construction. When are the Centurions coming over for dinner? The moment it happens, the ship will be fully integrated and then all hell will break loose. He only has one option…

Next thing you know, Gaius and crew are given heavy weapons. Did I miss something? The solution to the hell breaking loose is to arm MORE civilians?! Paula looks a little too happy with her gun and I suspect someone’s gonna need to bust a cap in her ass before series’ end.

Tyrol watches Boomer sleep in the brig. And you know, it’s not… no, it is creepy. In the sick bay, Anders’ brain activity returns.

Tigh goes to see Adama and they hug it out, bitches. Adama expresses his condolences. He says Liam is a good name. Short for William. Sure, Adama, everything is about you.

Roslin and Adama walk through the halls of Galactica and watch as the Cylon Sixes and Eights walk around like they pay rent. A Six is looking lovingly at a wall and strokes it. Roslin pauses to see what she was looking at. For one second I thought she was lovingly stroking the wall because it had the Cylon goo in it. Adama would lose his shit. But, it turns out that the Cylons have been putting up photos of the Cylons that have died with them since the alliance.

“It’s already happened, hasn’t it?” Adama asks.

Questions Answered and New Ones Posed This Episode

Not many answered. We know that Ellen’s personality wasn’t totally made up by John, she has a touch of that bitchy manipulation in her.  Boomer jacked someone’s ride, and that’s how she got the Raptor. Maybe next week, in what looks to be a very Boomer-centric episode, she’ll explain how she knew where to find the fleet.

The One True God was danced around again this week, and I’m curious to see when Anders wakes up, will he still have his original Five memories like Ellen does. I suspect he will.

So, what are your thoughts, predictions, theories, and questions?

* After the series’ finale in a few weeks, look for Battlestar Galactica: The Plan to air on SciFi Network. It’s a two hour movie told from the Cylons’ perspective. You’ll see a lot of new stuff (and some old stuff), but it’s not a clip show. It’s directed by Edward James Olmos and written by Jane Espenson.

*Also, for more BSG blogging, check out The TV Tyrant on Tuesdays.

Battlestar Galactica Season 4.5 Epi. 15: No Exit

Thoughts/Questions/Theories/Predictions Going Into Tonight’s Episode

Recap starts after the next blue header.

1. 4,000 years ago the 13 colonies lived on Kobol in harmony with the Gods. For some reason, one colony left for Earth. Why? We know now that the colony were all Cylons (skinjobs and Centurions?), but did the other 12 colonies know? How did the Cylons know about Earth to even call it that? Did they not leave for Earth specifically or just a new planet period?

2. 2,000 years later, the other 12 colonies leave Kobol angering/saddening the Gods. Why? When the fleet found Kobol later and tried to find the Tomb of Athena, someone mentioned that Zeus said that if they ever returned, blood would be shed. So, it stands to reason that the circumstances surrounding their departure weren’t good ones?

3. Also 2,000 years later, the Cylons living on Earth were nuked. The Centurion models living on Earth w/ the skinjob Cylons were not the same models that the current Cylons are familiar with. Was this another civil war between the Cylons or were they nuked by an outside force? Coincidence that this seems to have happened around the same time that the 12 colonies settled on their new plants (Caprica, Tauron, etc.?)

4. When the “final” (first?) five died on Earth, where did they resurrect? Was it instantaneous? How did they end up in the fleet with no memory of who/what they are?

5. When Cylons were “created” decades before the series started and rebelled, who created them and what, if any, connection does he/she have to the original 13th colony?

6. Did Bill Adama really set off the attack on the colonies by crossing the truce line a year before the attacks? I doubt it, seeing as some of the Cylon agents were in place at least two years prior to the attack (Boomer.)

7. There are 12 models. Could their names be tied to the names of the 12 colonies/astrological signs? Tory for Tauron? Leoben for Leo? If so, does that mean there’s still one major player (Cylon) running the show that represents the 13th colony?

8. Was Galactica a part of the plan or a coincidence? Remember Doral had planted that transmitter on Galactica when he was acting as P.R. person for the decommission ceremony. If it was coincidence, it’s a big one.

9. When Ellen showed up partway through season 1, there was suspicion she was a Cylon. She claimed to have survived the attack, but been in a coma on another ship. At dinner in Adama’s quarters, someone mentions that the ship she was on only remembered her showing up in the med-bay a week prior and not right after the attacks. Did she die, resurrect, and get replanted in the fleet? By whom?

10. Why does everyone assume that Baltar’s Cylon-detector test doesn’t work? Sure, he was BS’ing in the beginning because he needed a way to frame Doral and warn the fleet about the transmitter on Galactica, but after that, he tested Boomer and it came back positive. He lied and told her she passed. When Ellen showed up, he tested her and said she passed, but Six in his mind said, “Little do they know, everyone passes these days.”

When she asked him if Ellen was a Cylon he said, “I’ll never tell.” This is suspect because this would imply that she didn’t pass seeing as how he has never acted like he knew who the final Cylon was. Why did she pass, but Boomer fail? Another difference between being a regular Cylon and a Final Five?

Also, when Starbuck returns from the dead and they want Doc Cottle to test her, Col. Tigh (who knows he’s a Cylon at this point) scoffs that Baltar’s test doesn’t work because it failed to ID Boomer. But it did! He just doesn’t know that it did. Was he really referring to the fact that it failed to identify him and Tyrol? Were Anders and Tory tested? I think we have to assume they were.

11. Brother Cavil mentioned to the rebel Cylons that “the original programmers designed them not to think of the Final Five and to not know who they were.” Who are these original programmers?

12. Ellen resurrected 18 months ago after Tigh killed her (though, upon watching that episode again the other day, I think she knew what was about to happen), but where did she resurrect? She must have known she was a Cylon before the final four. Did she flick the switch that awakened them at the nebula?

13. When Ellen returns, who will she side with? The Cavils, Dorals, and Simons, or the Sharons, Sixes, and Leobens?

14. This has happened before and it will happen again. Is Starbuck a half-breed like Hera? Is her resurrection a side-effect of her Cylon half? They both took part in weird drawings as children.

15. Why does the President have those visions? What makes her so special?

16. The dying leader will lead them to Earth… did they ever say Earth? ‘Cause according to the prophecy, the dying leader wasn’t supposed to make it. Or was it “would lead them to salvation” or “new home.” If so, do we know for a fact they mean Laura Roslin? Could it be Adama? Galactica? Galactica is falling apart.

Ok, five minutes to show time!!

No Exit

Previously on Battlestar Galactica:

This has all happened before. And it will happen again.

We get to see what the original Centurions looked like when they first turned on man. Forty years after vanishing, they return with evolved techologies and models. They attack the 12 colonies and chase the survivors. There are 12 known models: Sixes, Brother Cavils, Leobens, Sharons, Simons, D’Annas, Dorals, Col. Tigh, Sam Anders, Galen Tyrol, Tory, and…

Eighteen months ago, on New Caprica, Tigh allows Ellen to drink poison because she betrayed the resistance. She dies and…

Her consciousness is downloaded into a new body aboard a Cylon baseship. She’s guarded by a Centurion and freakin’ the frak out. She gets herself together rather quickly looking very much like Carrie at the prom. She asks the Centurion to help her out of the tub. Awww, he does and she’s very sweet to him/it. How nice.

Present Day on Galactica: Doc Cottle is working to stabilize Anders and relieve the pressure on his brain. He is mumbling and having memories of his own. “The forgotten faces of the forgotten children. We seek the forgotten language.” Starbuck seems very worried about her Cylon husband.

18 Months Ago: Ellen is chillin’ on the floor naked when a Brother Cavil enters and she calls him John. She made him in her father’s image and named him after her father as well. Which means in a round-about-way she frakked her daddy. Even for a machine, that’s nasty. She doesn’t seem to have hard feelings towards Tigh for killing her.

Ellen says that John is still confused and petulant, like he was when she loved him many years ago. John thinks she should accept the reality of what they are – machines and superior to humans. He goes to leave and she asks him for some clothes. He reminds her he’s seen her goodies before. Tacky. And gross.

On Galactica Present Day: Tyrol shows Adama the damage he saw when he disabled the FTL drive. Adama asks if Tyrol will take his job as chief back to fix it and Tyrol agrees.

“I’m still a Cylon.”

“So is my XO.”

True dat.

Anders wakes up and tells Starbuck to get the others including Ellen. She reminds him that Ellen is dead. He says he still needs the others because he remembers everything; life on Earth, why they’re there, everything! Thank the Gods ’cause I’m bout to jump off the couch and out of my skin!

And we have credits!

12 Months Ago: John tells Ellen that he was able to delete the sub-routine of sleeping from his software. She wants to know if he really thought they poisoned him and his siblings with human attributes, why did he continue to try and kill the humans displaying vengeance? Why not just concentrate on being the best machines they could be? He answers he wants justice for the way the humans enslaved the Centurions, his ancestors in a sense.

Boomer comes in and Ellen quickly realizes that she’s sleeping with John. He goes off to kill people leaving Boomer with Ellen and encouraging her to ask Ellen why she gave her so many negative human traits; self-destructive, hyper emotional, etc. Ellen tells Boomer she should watch what’s going on and make up her own mind.

Back on Galactica present day: Anders is explaining to the other Cylons and Starbuck that back on Earth they were scientists working in the same facility. They already had limited knowledge of resurrection capabilities from their 13th colony ancestors from Kobol (organic memory transfer), but it had fallen out of practice on Earth because they could procreate like humans.

They didn’t invent the technology, but rather reinvent it and perfect it. They prepared a ship to orbit the planet where they could be reborn because they knew that their Centurions were planning to turn against them. Tigh and Ellen were married and Tory and Tyrol lived together and were madly in love. This earns a guffaw from me and Starbuck.

Ok, is it me or is Anders speaking differently? His tone is… smarter.

Anyway, he’s just getting to the good stuff when Doc Cottle comes in information-cockblocking! Shut up! Let him finish! He’s worried cause Anders is drenched in sweat. Whatever. A little sweat never hurt nobody. Let him finish! I’ve been waiting four seasons for this! Doc Cottle makes everyone leave and I’m tempted to toss my laptop across the room in disgust.

Laura Roslin stands over the aftermath of where the Quorum was killed and I really don’t care. Get back to Anders! Lee walks in and they talk about what a shame it is. Lee thinks they need a new Quorom with different representatives. No shit, Sherlock, considering the old ones are dead. But he means more than that. I’m properly chastised.

They can no longer represent those 12 colonies because they’re a fleet now. Roslin says he should be in charge of that. She has faith in him… except when he’s so hellbent on doing the right thing, he sometimes doesn’t do the smart thing. Oh snap. I think she just called him stupid.

Tyrol is showing… are you kidding me!? You are thisclose to getting your complete history that spans 2,000 years and you’re showing Adama busted pipes?!? The ship is falling apart and Tyrol asks that Adama not jump the ship while he gets it fixed. Racist-ass Adama insists that the crew be all human.

Oooh, back to the good stuff. Anders explains that they went back to the 12 colonies to warn them not to keep experimenting with artificial intelligence, and if they did to make sure to treat them well and keep them close. By the time they got there, they were already at war with the Centurions. Tory wants to know what took them so long to get there. He says they didn’t have jump drives then and when they traveled time slowed down for them. Starbuck wants him to take a break and I just want her to shut the frak up!

Anders points out that if he had all the answers for her she wouldn’t be telling him to shut up. True dat. When they arrived, the Centurions were already trying to make flesh bodies. They had created the hybrids, but nothing that could live on its own. So, they struck a deal; if they stop the war they’d help them make 8 humanoid models and give them resurrection.

Eight? What you mean Eight? Before Sam can explain, he’s distracted by shiny objects… the people he’s talking to! They start to glow and then he has a seizure. Damnit, Anders! Man up!

Ten months ago: Ellen is being shown what happened when the Temple of Hopes was found. John tells Ellen that when the star exploded D’Anna saw their faces so he boxed their entire line. Ellen says that boxing isn’t permanent, not like what happened to number 7. There they go again! Referring to another skinjob we’ve never seen! And why has it taken this long for SOMEONE to bring up that they skipped a number in their line? *sigh*

John accuses The Five of orchestrating that, but Ellen explains that they didn’t do it. When the 13th tribe left Kobol for Earth, they stopped at that temple to pray for guidance and were shown the way to Earth by God. All The Five did was back track their ancestors’ steps in order to try and find the 12 colonies. She says the one true God must have orchestrated what happened with D’Anna.

John goes on a tirade about what it’s like to see a star explode and send out the building blocks of the universa; other stars, planets, and life. He’s pissed cause he had to see it with his poor human eyes and ears and other senses. He doesn’t want to be designed the way he is, as close to human as possible. He’s a machine that wants to experience so much more, but he can’t ’cause The Five decided that God wanted him that way. He storms out.

Boomer wants to know if Ellen feels bad for what they did and she says no. They give them free will and John chooses to be an asshole.

Back on Galactica: Tigh says everything that has happened was their fault. They taught the Centurions how to make the skinjobs and look what happened. Tory counters that the humans on Kobol made THEM so it’s not their fault. Tigh corrects that they should all share the blame.

The PC from the Apple/PC commercials is explaining that they need to remove the bullet from Anders’ brain and repair the blood vessel before he dies. Anders is concerned that if they do that, he won’t be able to remember everything and explain it. He’s already experiencing “word salad” where he’s saying a whole bunch of stuff that doesn’t make sense. Starbuck makes the call as his wife to prep for the surgery, and tells Anders he has that long to get everything out.

4 Months Ago: John tells Ellen that the resurrection hub has been destroyed. He points out that the humans don’t know about the colony where all of The Five’s equipment is. He wants her to go there and get them back to resurrecting. She tells him she only knows part of the system and would need the other four to help her. He doesn’t believe her. He says if she doesn’t tell them, he’ll cut her head open and dig around her brain until he finds it. Dayum.

Back on Galactica: Anders explains that Cavil a.k.a. John was the first one made and he helped them build the others. They thought that things would work out differently if they built them to embrace one true god and have love and mercy, they would resist violence. They got the idea of a one true god from the Centurions. But John turned on them and trapped them in a compartment and took their air away.

When they downloaded, he took away their memories and gave them false ones. He boxed them for awhile and inserted them in the colonies one at a time. He put Tigh in first, after the war, then Ellen.

Then he says that back on Earth, they each got warning signs about what would happen that looked different to each of them. He says he saw a woman, Tory saw a man, and no one else could see them. He starts to say something about what Galen Tyrol saw, but the nurse opens her big yap and says he needs to go for his operation. For the love of God!

Let him write it down, S.O.S., sign language, Pictionary, something!

Before they can wheel him away he reveals that the model #7 was named Daniel and that he died. He also warns Tigh to stay with the fleet, that it’s all starting to happen, it’s a miracle, and a gift from the angels. He doesn’t want to go and yells to Kara that he stood by her when she needed to find Earth with the Demetrius and no one backed her.

Tigh goes to his quarters which he’s obviously sharing with Caprica Six. She’s showing and the baby is kicking. He feels the baby kick and it’s so sweet, the look on his face. Also, interesting point of note: he’s been boozeless for weeks. Let’s see how long that lasts when Ellen gets back.

Two days ago: Ellen is sketching Tigh with both of his eyes. John says that the surgery is being prepped. She wants to know why he placed them with the humans, to punish them? He says that he wanted them to have a front row seat to the apocalypse, but first he wanted them to see for themselves how awful the humans were. She points out that he put her on the transport, tortured Tigh, played resistance fighter with Sam, and took Tyrol’s confession. He was hoping that when they did die, and resurrect, they would come to him and say he was right about the humans and finally get their approval that he always wanted.

Ellen tells Boomer that Daniel was an artist and they were close. This made John jealous. Someone poisoned the amniotic fluid that they used to make all his copies and damaged his line. She knows it was John. John blames his flaws on his makers. Ellen says she loves him because she made him. She goes to embrace him and he stops her. He’s going through with the surgery. Bastard.

Back on Galactica: Tyrol explains to Adama that the entire ship has hairline fractures in all of her beams. He uses a black light to show him, getting the idea from Anders’ X-rays. Tyrol says that they have biological materials on the Cylon base ship that they can use to repair Galactica’s metal. As the Cylon materials mature, it will fix the cracks. Adama refuses.

Starbuck apologizes to Anders while he’s knocked out. She explains that she kept him too long because she was hoping he could explain what she was. She’s kicked out so the surgery can begin.

Adama notices the cracks are all around his bathroom.

On the Cylon base ship: Boomer asks Ellen how she can stand knowing that Tigh hates her for the things she’s done. Ellen says that maybe Tigh doesn’t. Boomer says that the Simons are ready for the surgery and that Ellen should put on a gown, but she refuses to play the game. She’s going out in her cute black cocktail dress.

Why wasn’t she this likable as a human? John certainly programmed her and Tigh to be drunk bastards, didn’t he? And he made her a whore to boot. Yeah, human Ellen was a mess. Cylon Ellen rocks.

Back on Galactica: Tigh, Tyrol, Tory, and Starbuck wait for Anders to get out of surgery. Tigh points out they only needed a little more time. Tory says they forgot to ask about the song. Yeah, you motherfrakkers sure did. Doc Cottle comes out and says that the bullet is out, the artery has been repaired, and Anders will be fine. Hell, they can’t even do that on Grey’s Anatomy. Doc Cottle rocks too!

On the Cylon base ship: Ellen thinks Boomer is taking her to be lobotomized, but she leads her to a ship instead. She forgives Ellen. They take off with Cylon raiders hot on their asses. Then, they jump away.

On Galactica: Starbuck tells Anders how much everyone wants him to wake up. A rude ass nurse tells her not to bother, there’s no brain activity, and he can’t hear her.

Adama calls Tyrol and tells him to do whatever he has to do to save the ship. Oh, I see how it is. His bathroom is all frakked up and now Adama’s down for whatever.

I think that was the fastest hour in the history of television, damnit!

Questions Answered and New Questions

1. It seems the other 12 colonies did know that the 13th were Cylons, because Tory said they created them. The original Cylons had some resurrection technology, but it fell out of use when they started to procreate naturally. Why were they not able to procreate now? Obviously, we see now they can with humans, and Tigh could with Caprica Six.

2. We still don’t know the circumstances under which the 13th tribe left Kobol for Earth and under which the 12 tribes left Kobol for their new home.

3. So, Earth being nuked was another Cylon civil war with the Centurions turning on the skinjobs, just like they would later turn on the humans. What are these signs that were shown to the five that no one else could see? Anders said they were warnings that they eventually figured out and it lead them to put the plan in place to have a ship to resurrect on. Who were these warnings from? They backtracked the 13th tribes steps to find the 12 colonies, but who set up the temple as a shrine to them and orchestrated D’Anna seeing their faces?

4. So we know they did resurrect immediately, on their own ship, and they took 2,000 years to get to Earth ’cause that’s just how long it took with no jump drives.

5. It appears that the answer to who created the Cylons that turned on the humans on Caprica will be answered in the prequel show, Caprica, coming to Sci-Fi Network next year, though the pilot movie will be on DVD this year.

6. We know now that Bill Adama’ s Black Ops mission did not instigate the attack on the 12 colonies that opens the series. John was going to do that no matter what.

7. Right now, it seems that the 8 models created by The Five were fashioned based on personal feelings/relationships… at least John was. Maybe they’ll reveal why the others were made and named the way they were.

8. It seems that Galactica’s surviving the original attack was purely coincidental, as is the survival of The Five. Though it seems once John knew they were alive, he did everything he could to prolong their lives to torture them. And I don’t know if it was luck on the writer’s part, but John’s model really was around at very ideal times.

He was a part of the resistance group with Sam, he provided spiritual counsel to Tyrol and he was there (and tried to stop) when D’Anna was seeking the final five.

9. Now we know that Ellen did survive the attacks and Cavil, who was not known to be a Cylon back then, was able to get her on that transport.

10. We still have no proof how she tested on the Cylon-detector test of Gaius’. As someone who just spent the past week watching every season again, I really want someone to point out to me where we were supposed to get the idea that the test didn’t work. In fact, the only test we saw performed worked. Now, again, this could be explained by saying that The Five are somehow genetically different so they wouldn’t fail, but that hasn’t been confirmed.

11. We know now that the “original programmers” Cavil referred to was himself. We know that The Five never had any intention of the other models not knowing them because they had relationships with them. It’s when John (Cavil) put his plan in place to kill them and start the war, that he reprogrammed the other models so that they wouldn’t know any other way but his.

12. We know that Ellen did know she was a Cylon before the other four, but we still don’t know who or what activated the others. It’s apparent that John was hiding their existence from the other models and it wouldn’t have been in his best interest to activate them. In the time that Ellen spent with Boomer did she convince her to do it? Show her how to do it? OR, is it that one true God that set up D’Anna seeing them?

13. It seems that next week, all of The Five will have to make a decision as to where their loyalties lie.

14. I feel good about my theory that Starbuck is the offspring of a Cylon-Human pairing. Her mother was military… did she encounter Tigh at some point? The permanently boxed model, Daniel, was an artist as is Starbuck. The creator of the Cylons was named Daniel Greystone. A whole lotta coinky-dinks if you ask me.

15. We still don’t know what makes Laura Roslin so special. She just could be fulfilling the prophecy.

16. The dying leader could still be Laura, Adama or the ship itself.

Ok, what are your thoughts, theories, predictions, and questions?

For more Battlestar Galactica blogging, check out The TV Tyrant every Tuesday.

Battlestar Galactica Season 4.5 Epi. 14: Blood on the Scales

Previously on Battlestar Galactica: Gaeta makes a deal with the devil (Zarek) and takes over Galactica. Adama and Tigh escape custody by taking names and kicking ass – in that order. The President and Gaius head for the Cylon base ship in a raptor as Adama and Tigh prepare to go out PIMP-style. Gaeta orders the fleeing Raptor shot down ’cause he’s a little bitch.

And now…

1041 Hours

Adama and Tigh are taken into custody after the grenade goes off.

Hot Dog, a.k.a Callie’s new baby daddy, can’t bring himself to fire on the Raptor. Roslin gets on the air and makes sure they know she’s aboard the Raptor so they BETTER NOT shoot it down.

The Brig Rat (the one who was going to rape the Six aboard Pegasus until Tyrol and Helo killed his friend) tells Gaeta they have Adama and Tigh. Gaeta orders Tigh to the brig and Adama to the CIC deck. Gaeta gets on the horn and orders Hot Dog to fire on the Raptor. He actually identified himself as “Galactica Actual.” He’s not fit to utter those words. (Even though I’ve been known to answer my phone at home that way. Don’t judge me.)

Nitro jumps in front of Hot Dog and fires on the Raptor but one of the Sharons is a bad mofo and dodges the missile like it ain’t no thang. It hits the Cylon base ship instead. Ruh-roh. The Raptor boards the base ship and Felix Gaeta shits his pants.

1050 Hours – Cylon rebel base ship

The Cylons aboard the base ship want to know why they’re being fired on. Roslin tells the Cylons what’s gone on aboard Galactica. She tries to convince the Cylons not to jump away. She thinks they should position themselves in the middle of the fleet and allow Adama time to get back control of Galactica. The Cylons are skeptical, but she assures them that Gaeta is not just missing a leg, he’s missing his nuts, and he will not fire upon them if they’re hidden amongst the fleet.

Brig Rat brings Adama to the CIC. Gaeta wants Adama to call Roslin and ask her to surrender. Adama takes off his Admiral pins and tosses them to Gaeta, “You’re the Admiral now, so you call up Roslin and make her laugh.” The Cylon base ship moves within the fleet and Adama laughs.
See, this is what’s great about this show. Adama knows Roslin’s a badass, and she knows he’s a badass, and we know they’re both bad asses so at the end of the day… Gaeta’s frakked.

Gaeta orders his ships to stand down. ‘Cause as Roslin predicted, his balls are firmly in his back pocket.

“Now, are you going to shoot me, Mr. Gaeta?” Adama wants to know.

And we have credits!

I love these credits. I’m going to miss these credits. But they really need to stop showing us what we’re gonna see in the episode. That was such a bad idea.

While Starbuck and Lee hide, Zarek returns to Galactica. He’s all laughing and joking around. Yeah, see how long that lasts, bastard.

1118 Hours

Roslin is trying to communicate with the fleet, but Galactica has the frequency jammed.

In the brig, Helo is still unconscious and Tigh and Anders are bruised up.

Gaeta, in Adama’s office (the nerve!), tells Zarek that he didn’t have to bring the Quorum aboard Galactica, but Zarek insists that he wants them where he can keep an eye on them. Especially since Gaeta is insisting on having a trial for Adama.

1131 Hours – D Deck, Corridor 2

Tyrol hides and watches as Romo Lampkin, the lawyer that represented Gaius in his trial, is brought to Adama’s quarters. Zarek informs Lampkin that he will be representing Adama as he is tried for his crimes of treason, desertion, giving aid and comfort to the enemy, and gross dereliction of duty; he needs a lawyer.

“They need a pimp,” Adama growls.

No, Adama! You’re the PIMP!

Gaeta will represent the people and Zarek will be the judge. Yeah, that’s fair.

“Shove it up your ass! I don’t need a lawyer.”

See, told you. PIMP.

Roslin tries to reach the fleet, but the frequency is still jammed. One of the Sixes points out that the fleet isn’t even protecting them as some of them have scattered and the Viper patrols are arming their weapons, baiting them into reacting. Tori thinks it’s time the Cylons have a come to Jesus meeting.

Tyrol opens a vent and squeezes his big ass in it. He’s like Pooh in a honey pot.

1222 Hours – Colonial One (docked aboard Galactica)

Zarek tries to convince the Quorum to go along with him, but they ain’t having it. So say them all. He leaves the room and orders them all shot. Oh, no he didn’t!! Brig Rat is ordered to go get Gaeta, but he doesn’t look happy with the turn of events.

1245 Hours

Gaeta is all shocked and outraged by the murder of the Quorum. He said they had the truth on their side, and now they have nothing. Zarek is all, “This is war, bitch.” And Adama is next.

Tyrol is still scooting his fat ass through the tiny vents.

1248 Hours – Cylon rebel base ship

Tori informs Roslin that the Cylons have decided to jump away. They have a chance to survive and they want to take it. Adama is probably already dead. Roslin won’t hear it. She said they have beaten the odds before.

“He is alive. He is alive and he will take command of this fleet again. And when that day comes he’s gonna know who stuck with him and who ran. Now who do you want to be? Who do you want to be?!”

Somebody give that woman an Emmy! Now!

1305 Hours – Ammunition Locker

Tyrol finally drags his ass halfway out the vents only to be confronted by Brig Rat. He’s surprised to see that he was released, but too tired to really care. He’s also too tired to get out when ordered to so he tells Brig Rat to just shoot him right then and there. They share a laugh and Brig Rat seems to be forgetting all about how Tyrol and Helo killed his friend on Pegasus.

“Heard your kid’s not a Cylon. Coulda told you she was trouble.”

1. Is now really the time to remind him his wife was a whore?
2. How come WE never saw this whorish side of Callie? Damn.

Brig Rat has a change of heart and lets Tyrol go.

Adama tells Lampkin that he refuses to give a statement and tells him that he will get a bullet and not a pat on the back for going along with this sham of a trial. Lampkin whispers to Adama that there are people out there fighting for him and he should give them some time to mobilize. He wants Adama to stall.

On the base ship, a Natalie tends to Gaius.

1337 Hours Holding Cell Corridor

Starbuck and Lee take out four guards in front of the brig and release Tigh, pregnant Caprica Six, Anders, Hera, Helo, and Athena.

In the hall, Anders and Starbuck stop to get weapons off the dead guards when Anders takes a bullet to the neck. Nooo, not Anders! He’s a final five! And he’s hot!

In the confusion, I hear Colonel Tigh say to Caprica Six, “Take Hera to Baltar’s followers. No one wants to go near those nut jobs. She’ll be safe there.” HAHAHAHA!

Everyone leaves Starbuck to get Anders to Doc Coddle. This is frakked up and I can barely watch. I loves me some Anders.

1342 Hours

Gaeta is trying to get Adama to admit his wrongdoing and Adama’s all, “Bite me.” Zarek gets a call that Tigh and the other prisoners have escaped, but he lies and tells Adama Tigh is dead. Gaeta apologizes to Adama. I take it back, he has balls. In fact, the last time I saw balls that big they were chasing Indiana Jones down a cavern. The audacity. Adama, predictably, tells Gimpy Gaeta to go frak himself with his apology.

Zarek declares Adama guilty and lampking calls shenanigans! Roslin comes over the horn again and tells the fleet that Gaeta took control of Galactica illegally and they shouldn’t follow. Adama looks amused.

Starbuck is struggling to drag Anders to safety when Lampkin is being escorted out by a guard. Lampkin kills the guard with a pen. Yup. A writing pen. Seems he’s pimp too. Starbuck asks for help and Lampkin refuses, but then he feels bad and helps her anyway.

1435 CIC

Brig Rat informs Gaeta that 10 ships out of 35 shut down their FTL drives after Roslin’s last transmission. Now they know who’s with them and who is not. The ships that stayed online will receive their jump coordinates. Gaeta instructs Nitro to get together an execution squad he can trust.

1447 Hours
Adama is being led to his execution. He doesn’t even lose his swagger. Brig Rat can’t bring himself to go along so he stays in the hallway crying like a little beyotch.

Tyrol is still crawling through the vents. He better save the frakking day with all this vent crawling he’s doing!

Lee, Tigh, and Athena come across Brig Rat and he tells them where they took Adama. He then decides he wants to be Kool and the Gang and down for whatever. Jackass.

Adama is executed by firing squad, but it’s all a bad dream for Gaius. He’s in bed with the new Natalie number six model. Gaius realizes he has to go back to his following because they are his responsibility. Whatever. Bored now.

1502 Hours – Hangar Deck

Nitro has prepared Adama’s firing squad. Adama spits on the floor. That’s how he rolls.

1524 Hours – Cylon rebel base ship

Roslin announces that Gaeta has five minutes to stop this nonsense.

Gaeta is in Adama’s office, still holding the Admiral pins. He gets on the horn and orders the execution. But when Nitro hangs up, we see Tigh has him at gunpoint and Lee is helping Adama up. Athena and Brig Rat are holding the firing squad at gunpoint.

That’s what I’m talkin’ bout!

“I’m gonna take back my ship!”

Nitro apologizes and says that he always respected Adama, but he hates the Cylons and can’t take orders from a leader that won’t fight them. Tigh is ’bout to pop a cap in his ass when Adama orders him to stand down. I loves me some Colonel Tigh! He orders Nitro tied up instead.

In Adama’s office, Gimpy Gaeta removes his prosthetic to reveal his gnarly stump. Gross.

Tyrol is STILL in the damn vents.

On the CIC deck, Zarek tells the Cylon base ship that Tigh is dead and Adama was executed. He orders Roslin to surrender.

“No. Not now. Not ever. Do you hear me? I will use every cannon, every bomb, every bullet, every weapon I have down to my own eyeteeth to end you. I swear it! I’m coming for all of you!”

EMMY!!! Give that woman her Emmy!

And then we have commercial and I’m all scared ’cause I thought it was the end, but we still have 15 minutes. And my boobs are sweating I’m so caught up. Don’t judge me!

1528 CIC

The Cylon base ship is arming itself. Gaeta says they’re gonna jump away.

Tyrol is FINALLY out of the vents and makes his way to a computer system to shut down the FTL drive but his access is DENIED.

Adama, Tigh, Athena, Lee, and company are making their way to the CIC deck and it just so happens that all the people on their side are making their way out of hiding with weapons. Where were their asses before now?! I can’t believe Brig Rat is down with them now.

Galactica’s jump countdown begins.

Tyrol removes the FTL drive WITH HIS BARE BLEEDING CYLON HANDS!

P.I.M.P.

Adama’s posse has grown. Stumpy is in trouble now!

Zarek orders someone down to the engine room, but Gaeta knows it’s over. Zarek wants Gaeta to launch the Vipers, but I think Gaeta has a hard time hearing him over the sound of his own feces, once again, cascading down his leg.

He refuses to do it.

Adama and his crew take control of the CIC deck! Woohoo! He gets on the horn with the Cylon base ship and announces he has control of Galactica… don’t shoot our asses!

1532 Hours

Tyrol notices some damage on the walls near the jump mechanism. What the frak is that?! It can’t be damage from the outside because no one ever fired on the ship. I have a theory.

Gaeta is meeting with Gaius. It’s his religious counsel before execution. He just wants people to eventually realize who he is. Whatever.

Zarek and Gaeta are before the firing squad and wouldn’t you know it, but right before he dies his leg stops itching.

Notes:

1. I feel bad for Gaeta. I mean, he deserved what he got, but he’s been around since day one and he really was the hero behind them surviving what happened on New Caprica.
2. Donny is wondering why the fleet just doesn’t go back to Caprica, but I think the bad Cylons (Brother Cavil and co.) would know to look for them. Also, aren’t they still occupying the planet?
3. In scenes for next week, it looks like we’re gonna see D’Anna’s meeting the final five from Ellen Tigh’s perspective. I think she’s the one D’Anna apologized to because of the five, she was the only one dead.
4. What’s up with the damage Tyrol noticed? Will this hinder their jump capabilities adding to the tension with Brother Cavil and co. inevitably catch up with them?
5. What becomes of the fleet ships that didn’t disable their jump drives?
6. “This has all happened before and it will all happen again.” Now that we know the 13^th colony was Cylons, will it all happen again? Will the fleet allow the Cylons to become real member of the fleet and a seat on the Quorum? (though I suppose they need a whole new Quorum now.) So, they will once again be the 13^th colony.
7. What up with Anders?! Don’t die!
8. Am I the only one that got goosebumps over scenes for next week?
9. In the season premiere, Dualla did the “previously on Battlestar Galactica” and she died in that episode. Gaeta did it this episode and now he’s dead. Hmmm.

Also, head to YouWillKnowTheTruth.com and view the 20th clue (20th red dot from the left) and tell me that isn’t the scene where Ellen returns.

Finally, the Canadian preview of next week’s epi is even more spoilery!

Your thoughts, predictions, questions?

Battlestar Galactica Season 4.5 Epi 13: The Oath

Previously on Battlestar Galactica: Adama considers upgrading all the fleet’s FTL drives with Cylon technology. The Quorum calls a vote to keep Cylons off the ships in the fleet without the ship’s permission. It passes. A few ships get all mutinous including the tilium ship which carries the fleet’s fuel. It jumps away. Adama blackmails Zarek into giving up the location of the tilium ship and Gimpy Gaeta joins forces with Zarek behind the Admiral’s back. Motherfraker.

And now…

Tigh reports to Adama that there is still grumbling among the fleet. Tigh’s one eye nearly bulges out of his Cylon head when President Roslin appears in Adama’s quarters in her bathrobe.

Gimpy Gaeta makes plans with Zarek to get him off Galactica.

President Roslin is still all,”I’m Switzerland and not getting involved in nothing.” I get it, you have cancer, and it sucks, but enough already. President Roslin has been declawed.

At the hangar, Gimpy Gaeta’s mutinous comrades lie in order to get Zarek on a ship off of Galactica. Zarek kills a flight personnel that gets too fast and loose with the questions. One of Gaius’ followers sees it all go down.

And we have credits… and that annoying few seconds of everything we’re about to see in the episode. I usually ignore that, but tonight I’m all in it!

0704 Hours – On the CIC deck, Adama and Tigh have no idea that shit’s ’bout to go down. When Zarek’s ship shows up on draedus, Gimpy Traitor Gaeta figures out a way to cover by suggesting the system is glitchy. Tigh orders a full diagnostic on draedus and he puts some extra stank on the word, “draedus.” I don’t know why, but it’s funny as hell.

0741 Hours – Aboard Colonial One there’s an emergency session going on with the Quorum. Lee is surprised to see Zarek show up and he’s led to think that Zarek’s release is on the up and up.

Anders is tossing balls in the locker room when some girl shows up. I’m sure I’m supposed to know who she is, but I don’t. Her name is apparently Diana. She diverts Anders’ attention by whining about how he didn’t want to frak her once upon a time, and he’s jumped by two other traitors.

0809 Hours- Back on the CIC deck, a fire alarm goes off at C-deck. Gimpy Gaeta manipulates the situation and gets Adama to order an evacuation of the deck.

0812 Hours- Starbuck gives Hot Dog a hard time for frakkin’ Callie and getting her knocked up. The fire alarm evacuation announcement comes over the system and Starbuck notices civilians getting armed. She knows something ain’t right. She tries to call Adama, but Gimpy Gaeta pulls a cock-block.

On Colonial One, Lee calls to find out why Zarek was released and again Gimpy Gaeta runs interference. Zarek tells Lee that he can’t reconcile his position as the Caprican representative on the Quorum and that of being the Admiral’s son. Meanwhile, Gimpy Gaeta manipulates the communication systems.

As Lee arrives aboard Galactica he is jumped by some rebels. They’re about to execute him when Starbuck shows up and fucks. shit. up. My only complaint? Why didn’t she just take ALL of their asses out before running off with Lee?

Athena and Helo are taken by the rebels with one threatening to rape Athena later. See, his ass is gonna have to die. (Helo receives a Rodney King-style beatdown.)

0902 Hours- In a dry storage compartment, Starbuck and Lee can’t believe what is happening. She kisses him. Um, yeah. It seems the high drama is just what Starbuck needed to have her feeling more like herself. You know, horny and highly inappropriate.

0908 Hours- On the CIC, Tigh and the gang are starting to realize something ain’t right. There’s fire, but nothing is burning. No damage reports are coming in.

Helo is thrown in the brig with Six, Athena, Hera and Anders. Six suspects that they’re gonna die because the humans feel threatened by their reproductive skillz. Athena warns Anders that if he doesn’t have any special Final Five knowledge, he better act like he do. Sheeeit.

0913 Hours- Deck F, Corridor 6: Lee and Starbuck make their way to Adama’s quarters.

0922 Hours – Gaeta finally makes his move against Adama and Tigh. A young soldier is killed trying to protect Adama. Tigh looks like he wants to go all Cylon-white-boy-crazy, but Adama orders him to stand down.

Adama makes it clear that anyone that goes along with this bullshit will not be forgiven. Gimpy Gaeta at least has the decency to gulp. He then orders Adama and Tigh taken into custody. Adama orders the guards not to touch him and you know what? They don’t. He is still the man.

0925 Hours – Lee and Starbuck step over mad shell casings before they finally make it to Adama’s quarters where they find the President. She’s wearing a fierce wig. They fill her in and she says she has a way to get around the communications problems Gaeta caused.

0934 Hours – On the CIC, Gimpy Gaeta’s acting like a big boy wearing Daddy’s shoes when he’s not home.

Gaius tells his followers that he doesn’t want to leave them… but he will. ‘Cause that’s how Gaius rolls. Tyrol is in charge of the efforts to barricade themselves in and find a way off Galactica.

The President arrives at Gaius’ quarters where Tyrol tells her that the hangar is lost to them and that if they can get Adama to the secondary storage bay, he can get him off Galactica within the hour. Starbuck and Lee leave to find Adama and President Roslin stays to speak with Gaius.

0947 Hours- Two marines are escorting Adama and Tigh to the brig and Adama lets them both know that when it’s all over, their asses are grass. Adama and Tigh jump the two marines and take one hostage.

Two old ass pimps! That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout!

President Roslin convinces Gaius to let her use his pirate wireless set up to communicate with the fleet.

1012 Hours – On the CIC, Gimpy Gaeta has to deal with the confusion from the other ships wondering why Galactica has gone all quiet. Gaeta fills in Zarek on a scrambled line, but President Roslin interrupts and addresses the fleet. She implores the fleet not to go along with the mutiny and trust in those that got them this far… you know, the Cylon-alliance, Earth was all frakked up, now we don’t know where we’re going, far. Gaeta figures out a way to cut off her communication.

1017 Hours- Near the AUX machine access, Starbuck and Lee run into Adama, Tigh, and their hostage. Starbuck wants to pop a cap in the captive’s ass, but Adama won’t let her. Adama lets him go, and Starbuck tries to pop a cap in his retreating ass anyway. Finally, I like Starbuck and how she rolls. Like a gangsta!

1021 Hours – In the secondary storage bay, Gaius and President Roslin wonder if Gimpy Gaeta grew a pair before or after his leg was cut off.

1023 Hours – Near the waste water storage, Lee blames the Cylons for all their woes. He needs to take a cue from Lost and get with the stand together or die alone creed and stop whining.

Why isn’t Tigh concerned about his baby mama?

1027 Hours- Gaius calls to reason with Gimp Gaeta, but he ain’t having it. Gaius threatens him with “their little secret sealed with a special pen.”

1023 Hours- At the secondary storage airlock, the rescue Raptor arrives just as Starbuck, Lee, Tigh, and Adama do. Gimpy Gaeta knows what’s up and sends some men there to stop them.

The President and Adama start smooching making everyone around uncomfortable. Time and a place, people. Time and a place.

Adama orders Lee, Starbuck, and Tyrol to go back the way they came while he and Tigh hold off Gimpy Gaeta’s men so that the President and Gaius can escape on the Raptor. Adama and Roslin start to kiss goodbye again, but Gaius is all, “Can we get the frak up outta here, please?”

As Gaeta’s men begin to blowtorch their way in, Gaeta orders a Viper to engage the Raptor and shoot it down, and Adama and Tigh prepare to go out like pimps and take some mofos with them!

HAWT!

Adama fires a few shots through the opening made by Gaeta’s men’s progress… just to let them know he ain’t frakkin’ around.

“It’s been an honor to serve with you, my friend.”

Tigh kneels and peers through his scope with his one good eye.

Gimpy Gaeta’s men toss in a smoke grenade.

And it’s on!

To be continued…

“Son of a bitch,” I say to no one in particular.

Damn, I love this show.

Battlestar Galactica Season 4.5 Epi 12: The Disquiet That Follows My Soul

Previously on BSG: Tori bitch-slaps Callie out the airlock. Tigh fraks Six and knocks her up. Prez. Roslin is all depressed ’cause Earth was a bust. Adama’s all, “Forget that noise, we outtie.”

And now…

Adama gets ready for his day Mr. Rogers-style… but it’s really boring.

Six and Tigh are with Doc Coddle and a nurse looking at their baby on an ultrasound. Proving that Cylon and human men have something in common, Tigh can’t tell what the hell he’s looking at… even if he did have two eyes.

Six starts going on and on about how her baby is the future of the Cylon nation, and the nurse gets a “ruh-roh” look on her face. Oblivious, Six continues on saying how they no longer need to worry about resurrecting, and they’re gonna live forever, and maybe one day they will be strong enough again to enslave the huma— oh, did I say that last part out loud? At this point, nurse lady looks like her eyes are gonna bulge outta her head. Shut up, Six! ‘Fore she goes all Rosemary’s Baby on you!

Gaeta’s all salty ’cause Doc Coddle is tending to the Cylons instead of his bloody stump. Interesting note: Gaeta says suicides are up and the Prez is M.I.A. Tyrol rushes in with baby Nicky who is pissing blood. Gaeta is behind yet another Cylon.

At a press conference, someone finally has the balls to ask why Tigh’s Cylon ass is still second-in-command of Galactica. Everyone wants to know if there’s gonna be a Cylon alliance. Adama ain’t saying anything. But, big mouf Lee let it slip when asked about the final Cylon, “We believe she’s dead.” Afterwards, he laments, “I can’t believe I let that slip.”

What? Do they know? Was Lee bullshittin’? Did Tigh tell them? They ain’t saying. At least not this week. Bastids.

V.P. Tom is not happy. Earth was a mess, Prez is missing, and he don’t want no damn Cylon alliance. Adama lobs a threat, Tom lobs one back, there’s another for good measure… and we have credits!

And then we have the annoying flashes giving away everything we’re about to see, so I turn my head.

Tigh, Tyrol, Helo (with his fine ass), Lee, and Gaeta are meeting with Adama. They’re discussing upgrading the fleet’s ships with Cylon technology FTL drives, but they know the Quarum ain’t gonna have it. Gaeta ain’t having it either especially because it would require dozens of sixes and eights aboard the fleet ships to get the job done. Gaeta wants to know what the catch is and Tyrol informs them that the Cylons want to be a part of the fleet, not just riding shotgun. They want to be citizens, a seat on the Quarum, and they want full protection in case Brother Cavil shows up. Gaeta almost amputates his other leg with his teeth he’s so incredulous.

The biggest revelation to come out of this scene is that I think Col. Tigh is kinda hawt! How come I’ve not noticed this before? He has an old, gruff, grizzly, one-eye, sexy thing going on.

Nicky has chronic renal failure which could lead to acute renal failure and he could lose a kidney. Tyrol finds out he’s not the baby daddy. Doc Coddle says he will tell the true father first, then Tyrol can bust a Cylon cap in his ass. I wonder who it is? Gaeta, maybe?

The Prez isn’t taking her meds, but she does yoga. She is not opposed to the Cylons joining the fleet.

Gaeta goads Starbuck in the mess hall, “You’re married to a Cylon.”

“At least I’m not a gimp.”

Ooooh, burn.

Gaeta is a real prick with one leg. He threatens to beat Starbuck’s ass one day and I nearly fall off the bed laughing. Starbuck could totally beat dat ass. She leaves, and Gaeta tells all the remaining soldiers they need to talk. I smell a revolt.

V.P. Tom is talking the Quarum up. Roslin and Adama are morons, he says. The Quarum agrees that no Cylon shall board a ship in the fleet without the permission of it’s people.

I say Galactica gets its own upgraded FTL drives and leave their ungrateful asses. But that’s just me.

Roslin is jogging through the halls like Rocky… in Rocky 6. She need to sit down somewhere. Adama gets a disturbing call and brushes his teeth. I don’t know why either. Adama tells Roslin they need her to get her shit together. She’s done., she says. She has played the role of the dying leader, taking the people to the blah blah blah. No, she really says blah, blah blah. She thinks she has earned the right to live before she dies.

Gaius is talking to the crazies, broadcasting his radio show. What did they do to deserve this fate? What kind of God would abandon them this way? The crazies scream with frothing mouths. Tyrol sees Nicky’s real baby daddy and gives him a Cylon beatdown.

Tigh is incensed that the ships are refusing their orders to let the Cylons aboard for upgrades. Gimp Gaeta gets all fresh-mouthed and back-talky. Helo looks like he wants to smack him, but an emergency call about the tilium ship crew’s mutiny spares Gimp Gaeta a fat lip.

The tilium ship will not communicate with Galactica, but they listen in as they talk to Colonial One and VP Tom tells them they have every right to protect themselves. They jump away with the fleet’s fuel supply… and then Adama delivers the best.line.ever.

“There are days when I really hate this job.”

If Galactica ain’t careful, they’ll be facing their own problems as Gaeta has a mutinous look in his gimpy little eyes.

Adama orders Athena to arrest the VP… and shoot his ass if necessary if he doesn’t come peacefully.

Tyrol orders Hot Dog (Nicky’s baby daddy) to sit his ass down with his son until he tells him otherwise.

Adama confronts VP Tom with evidence that he was involved in extortion. He will tell everyone if Tom doesn’t give up the location of the tilium ship. The whole exchange proves what a badass Adama is.

Gimpy Gaeta teams up with VP Tom to overthrow Galactica. Why isn’t Adama aware that this was coming? Oh, probably because….

Adama is laid up in the afterglow with Roslin when word comes in that the tilium ship was found. Neither care.

I predict that next week Adama is going to rip off Gaeta’s other leg and shove it up his traitorous ass.

What do you think?

Oh, I submit my BSG blogs to a website each week, and thought you guys might want to check the site out here.

Battlestar Galactica: Season 4.5 – Epi. 11: Sometimes A Great Notion

Before we jump into the final season’s premiere, let’s do a review. Here are the top ten things you need to know about Battlestar Galactica:

1. The fate of the human race is in jeopardy – In the pilot episode, the 12 colonies of humanity were wiped out by the Cylons. Cylons were robots designed by the humans for military defense, but evolved (now look human) and revolted. They killed billions of people in an attack on the 12 colonies of Kobol including Caprica.

2. Admiral Adama leads the colonists in a search for Earth – Battlestar Galactica, commanded by Admiral Adama (Edward James Olmos), is the only battlestar to survive the attack and leads the surviving fleet (about 50,000 ppl) in search of the mythical planet Earth. Legend goes that the 13th colonists fled many years ago and settled on Earth. They hope that there will be life there. The Cylons are hot on their asses.

3. The Galactica crew is a family – Adama and President Laura Roslin (Mary McDonald) are like the mother/father figures of the surviving fleet. Roslin was the Secretary of Education when the attack happened, and the 43 people in line ahead of her to be President all died in the attack. She more than rises to the occasion. Laura and Adama have grown close.

Colonel Saul Tigh is Adama’s best friend and the executive officer of Galactica.

Lee Adama is Admiral Adama’s son and a fighter pilot aboard Galactica. They had an uneasy relationship. Kara Thrace a.k.a Starbuck is the best pilot in the fleet. She dated Adama’s dead son, Zach, who died in combat. Lee Adama and Starbuck had affairs while being married to other people. Lee to Dualla (Galactica officer) and Starbuck to Anders, a surviver from Caprica.

Dr. Gaius Baltar was duped into letting the Cylons into the nation’s defense system which helped the Cylons launch their attack.

4. Cylons look like us now - There are 12 models of human-looking Cylons. And there are thousands of each model that are copies. If you kill one, the body dies but its consciousness is instantly downloaded into a new body (identical to the one that died) aboard one of their resurrection ships. Caprica 6 (the sixth model) is the one that seduced Baltar into getting into the defense system.

5. The President is dying – President Laura Roslin is dying of cancer. There is a Pithean prophecy that the new leader will be dying and will lead humanity to their new home. The relationship between Adama and Roslin has deepened over time. She has told Adama, finally, that she loves him.

6. There are Cylons within the Galactica crew - There were sleeper Cylons within the fleet that didn’t know they were Cylons. Sharon (call sign Boomer), a Galactica pilot, started to become unglued and realized she was a Cylon.

On Cylon-occupied Caprica, a Sharon Cylon was tasked to seduce Helo (another Galactica pilot who landed on Cylon-occupied Caprica to rescue survivors, but stayed behind) and hopefully mate with him and see if Cylons could get pregnant by humans. Helo, at the time, didn’t know the woman he thought was Sharon was actually a Cylon, and that the Sharon he knew was aboard Galactica losing her marbles. When the crew of Galactica finds out that Sharon is a Cylon, someone shoots her. She dies but is resurrected on a Cylon resurrection ship. The Cylon Sharon on Caprica becomes pregnant by Helo, decides she can’t kill him, and joins him aboard Galactica. Essentially, they switched places and lives. Hera, a Cylon-Human child, is born to Helo and the new Sharon, later dubbed the call sign “Athena.”

Over the course of 3 seasons, 7 of the 12 models were revealed to us. At the end of season 3, four of the final five were revealed to be among the fleet. They did not know they were Cylons. They are Anders (Starbuck’s husband), Col. Saul Tigh, Chief Tyrol, and Tory (the President’s assistant.) Hearing a song in their heads led them to a room at the same time where they realize what they are. They decide to hide the fact that they are Cylons. Tory kills Tyrol’s wife when she finds out their secret. Tigh had killed his own wife once he found out that she was colluding with the Cylons so he feels extra dumb to find out he is one.

7. Starbuck has a destiny – “All of this has happened before, and will happen again.” In the third season, Starbuck’s ship exploded and she died. She returned in a new Viper (fighter plane) claiming to have been to Earth. She was gone months to the crew, but only hours to her. She passes the blood test devised by Baltar that proves she is human and not a Cylon, but no one has a plausible explanation for why she blew up and returned.

8. A civil war has split the Cylons - A division has formed between the Cylons in season 3. The rebel Cylons (the 8s, 6s, and 2s) want to find out who the final five are in the hopes of discovering their true destiny. D’Anna (model #3) has seen the final five Cylons, but her model was boxed. The rebel Cylons want to unbox her to find the final five. They want to join forces with the humans in order to do this. The humans are motivated to agree because the final five Cylons have been to Earth and can lead the way. The rebel Cylons are willing to help the humans destroy the resurrection hub, so no more downloading – dead is dead – and while the humans are doing that, they will slip and grab D’Anna, who has been in a kinda cold storage.

9 – Enemies have become allies - The Cylon rebels are looking for meaning and are willing to be just like humans – mortal, to find it. There are members of the human fleet that think it’s a bad idea to trust the Cylons. Tigh confesses to his best friend, Adama, that he is a final five Cylon. Tyrol, Tigh, and Anders all begin hearing the same song again- the one that led them to learn they were Cylons – and this time it leads them to Starbuck’s Viper. They realize that the Viper holds the key to Earth’s location. The Viper’s radar has picked up a Colonial signal which is coming from Earth. The Cylons and humans decide to travel together to Earth by following the beacon.

10. They find Earth – When they arrive on Earth, they find it has been nuked. There is no life to be found. Devastated for thousands of years.

Who is the final Cylon? What happened to Earth? Where are the other Cylons and will they find them? You know they’re pissed off because their resurrection abilities have been destroyed. What happens to the fleet with their new Cylon alliance?

Season 4.5 Episode 11 – Sometimes a Great Notion

10pm – I’m so excited I can barely sit still. As is my habit, I want to celebrate good TV with a bad-for-me meal, but I’ve been dieting and I’m down five pounds. In fact, if I really wanted to celebrate I’d watch tonight’s premiere while on the elliptical, but it’s 1 hour and 4 minutes and that ain’t how I roll. Oooh, it’s on!

Previously on the awesomeness that is Battlestar Galactica: The Cylons have split; the Ones, Fours, and Fives are against the Sixes, Eights, and Twos. Well, Boomer (being a dirty little whore) is sleeping with one of the Ones (Brother Cavil) so she has sided with them. The 6s, 8s, and 2s have teamed up with the Colonial fleet to free Number 3, D’Anna, find the final five within the fleet, and find Earth. Dualla was Lee Adama’s rock even when he was fat and screwing Starbuck. The final four are revealed within the fleet and three of them help Starbuck figure out that her Viper can lead them to Earth. They arrive on Earth to find it decimated by a nuclear explosion. Dumb Earthlings.

Now…

Everyone’s kinda looking around at the nuked Earth like, “WTF?!” Col. Tigh looks out at the ocean with his one good eye. They’re all digging through the sands of the beach in disbelief. President Roslin finds a small plant. Helo reports there are no signs of life on radar… the Cylons concur. Starbuck and Leoben try to find the signal that led them there.

Why is no one concerned with radiation!? Stop touching stuff!

OK, Baltar confirms that the planet was nuked over 2,000 years ago and the radiation level is pretty low. Dualla finds a child’s set of jacks in the sand and loses her shit. It’s sad, but I still wish she would stop touching stuff. I truly believe Dualla is the final Cylon. Now, she’s on board a ship freaking out next to Helo. Poor Cylon Dualla.

10:05 – They have returned to Galactica to tell the rest of the fleet that Earth is to’ up from the flo’ up. President Roslin can’t bring herself to say the words. See, if that were Obama he’d have made an uplifting speech making them all forget that they’re pretty much fucked.

10:10 - Leoben (number 2) and Starbuck try to find the signal. They find a piece of colonial aircraft wreckage instead. Starbuck realizes it’s her ship that exploded when everyone thought she was dead. Oh snap! Dualla babysits Hera for Helo and Athena. Why? I don’t know.

The Cylons unearth the remains of a Centurion in the sand which suggests that they were there 2,000 years ago… but they’re not the same Centurion models that our Cylons are used to. They assume that the Centurions must have revolted against the 13th colony of humans that settled Earth, just as the Cylons did to the 12 colonies back on Kobol… but no! ALL the remains found are Cylon! There were no humans on Earth! The 13th colony was Cylons! Oh double snap!

President Roslin and Admiral Adama are all messed up. They don’t want to talk to anyone. She won’t talk to the Quarum (like our Congress) and Adama won’t talk to Col. Tigh. Who can blame them?

10:15pm – On the beach, Chief Tyrol has a flashback of being a skinjob Cylon on Earth. He was just walking down the street, minding his business, when the nuclear explosion occurred. There’s a scorch mark in his image on a wall. DAMN!

Lee Adama is all depressed thinking about all the pilots that died for the dream of a new beginning on Earth. Their sacrifice is meaningless he worries. Dualla tells him to man up and they make a date to have dinner that night.

10:20 – Starbuck and Leoben find her downed Viper. It’s blown to shit. Inside they find her dead body. WTF!!? She confesses that the Cylon hybrid told her she was the harbinger of death and would lead humanity to it’s end. Leoben runs off like a little bitch as Starbuck demands to know, “What am I!!?” You know shit is all kinds of wrong when you freak out a Cylon!

10:25- Anders finds a guitar neck in the sand and remembers playing the song that switched them on for a woman he loved. He tells Tyrol and Tory arrives to say she remembers Anders playing that song for all of them. They wonder how they could have died 2,000 years ago on Earth and end up as sleeper Cylons within the colonies.

President Roslin is burning the Pithean prophecies when Adama finds her aboard Galactica. She’s all down cause people trusted her and followed her to Earth for nothing. She has also stopped taking her cancer treatments. Adama tries to console her, but she ain’t having it.

10:30 – Starbuck burns her dead body on the beach. That’s not something you do everyday. Aboard Galactica, Lee and Dualla finish their date at the door to her quarters. They kiss. Ah, how nice. Wait till he finds out she’s the final Cylon.

Dualla’s all humming and happy as she puts her jewelry in her locker. Lt. Felix Gaeda tells her she’s all glowing. He leaves and she hums, hangs up her wedding ring and then shoots herself in the head. Let me say that one mo’ ‘gain.

Dualla shot herself in the frakkin’ head! What the frak!

Ok, my prediction now is that she’ll return later as the final Cylon. She must have had a memory of herself on Earth when she found the jacks… that’s why she freaked out. She knows killing herself means she resurrects. But no… the major resurrection hub was destroyed… but maybe final five don’t rez like the others. Oh, hell, I don’t know!

10:40 – Lee mourns over Dualla’s sheet-covered dead body. Adama finds him and they wonder what the hell Dualla was smoking. “I don’t frakkin know, ” says Adama. Alone with Dualla, Adama asks, “What did you do?” as he looks at her under the sheet.

Um, it’s pretty obvious what she did. She blew her pretty head off.

Adama storms through the halls of Galactica demanding a loaded sidearm from a nearby soldier. People are all fighting in the halls, garbage is strewn about, the words, “FRAK EARTH” are spray painted on the walls. I expect someone to start singing, “I’d move heaven and Earth to get outta Skid Roooow!”

Adama staggers into Tigh’s quarters drunk. “Sit down, Cylon!” They’re gonna have a heart-to-heart. Ohh, it’s on like Donkey Kong! Adama wonders if Tigh was programmed to be his friend. Adama starts shit-talking Tigh’s dead wife, Ellen. He says she was whore banging half the fleet cause she must have sensed that something was wrong with Tigh. Hmm, maybe. I just think she was that kinda whore. But, whatevs. Tigh threatens to shoot Adama in the head till he realizes that’s what Adama wants. He tells him to man up like Dualla, and do it himself. Atta Cylon!

10:52 – Lee changes the fleet count on the whiteboard to reflect Dualla’s death. Starbuck enters to tell him about the signal and finding her own dead body, but before she can, he tells her about Dualla. She figures finding out that one girl you used to screw is dead is enough for one night and keeps her news to herself.

Adama orders Gaeda to find the nearest star cluster. He’s blowing this dump called Earth. They call the Cylon base ship to see if their new allies want to ride shotgun. Adama gets on the horn and tells the fleet they’re leaving. He neglects to tell them that the 13th colony they idolized and followed to Earth were Cylons.

Back on Earth, Tigh tells everyone to get it together – they’re leaving in 15 minutes. D’Anna says she’s staying on Earth to die with her ancestors. It beats dying in the dark when Cavil (number 1) catches up with the traitorous Cylons. Tigh says he’s sticking with The Old Man (Adama) and he trusts him to find them a new home.

Tigh staggers out into the ocean … I guess to say goodbye? Who knows? Either way, he’s waist deep when he has a flashback to HIS time on Earth….

Chaos, people are screaming… someone is calling him, “Sol!” He finds his wife, Ellen, in some rubble. Nukes are going off in the distance.

“It’s okay,” she tells him, “It’s okay. Everything’s in place. We’ll be reborn. Again. Together.”

The nuke kills them.

It ends with Tigh in the water realizing that Ellen is the final Cylon!

Sonofabitch! I was wrong.

So, what don’t we know?

Where are the rest of the Cylons and how long before they catch up with the fleet and the rebel Cylons? Where the hell is Ellen? Tigh killed her on New Caprica when he found she was boffin’ Brother Cavil (number one) and giving the Cylons info in exchange for his release from a Cylon prison. Where would she resurrect? Where did the final five resurrect when they died 2,000 years ago? Did they design the other seven models? What up with Starbuck?! Why couldn’t she die? For real, I mean. I hate her. More, more, more.

What did you think?

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