The Best of 2008

“Great Kennedy’s Ghost!” award goes to…

During the primaries one radio disc jockey proclaimed, “Barack better stop beating on that white woman (Clinton) like that ‘fore he go to jail.”

Barack Obama’s campaign motto of “No Drama” was so fitting for such a cool cat. Reagan went from movie star to President, Schwarzenegger went from movie star to Governor, Obama may be the first to go from President to superstar.

“The Comeback of the Year” award goes to…

Forget McCain and Hillary in New Hampshire. The real comeback of the year goes to Britney Spears. Not that her album did all that well, but just the simple fact that she’s not dead yet is an achievement. Come on, how many of you laid odds she’d not see 2009? Don’t pay up just yet. There’s still a few hours left.

“Not so fast, Progress!!” award goes to…

All those who voted for Prop 8. On the same night the country elected a black president it also voted to deny homosexuals the right to marry.

“Free at last! Free at last! Free… hey, where do you two think you’re going?”

The “Way To Turn an Entire Profession Into a Joke” Award Goes To…

Joe Whatshisface. You know, the one whose name was invoked a zillion times at one of the presidential debates. The one who would have actually benefited from Obama’s tax plan. The one who claimed he’d be buying a company worth over $250k a year on his $40K a year non-licensed salary. The one who felt comfortable telling people Obama would not be a friend to Isreal based on nothing more than his desire to keep his own face in the news. The one who parlayed his 15-minutes that felt like an hour into a book deal and record deal. The one who later trash talked John McCain, a man whose shoes he’s not fit to shine. Yeah, that one.

The “Jackass Move of the Year” award goes to…

The CEOs of the big three automakers flying three separate private jets to D.C. to ask for a government bailout.

The “Most People Would Have Learned, But Not This Motherfucker” award goes to…

Dumbass O.J. Simpson proving that getting away with murder just isn’t enough for some people.

The “Foundation of the First Mother/Daughter Mutual Masturbation” award goes to…

The Twilight series. I haven’t seen mother/daughter bonding like this since a tampon commercial. You know it’s gone too far when both mother and daughter have Robert Pattinson posters and Mom takes time off from work to see him at the mall.

The “You Don’t Know How Good You Have It” awards goes to…

The people of Thailand whose prime minister was thrown in jail not for lying to the people, restricting their freedoms, and just being a general ass, but for… receiving payment for having appeared on a televised cooking show. If only it were that easy, we’d have pushed Bush to do Martha Stewart years ago.

The “Best Use of Leather” awards goes to…

Who knew Bush had such cat-like reflexes? I sure hope the Secret Service is more on the ball come January 20th. How he managed to launch that second shoe is beyond me.

And finally…

The “Most Anticipated Birth of a Baby Boy Since Jesus” award goes to…

Jack! Don’t front. Y’all know you were just as excited as we were.

What are some of your favorite memories/events of 2008?

Getting My Flirt On Thanks to Obama

Tuesday we finally found our way to the Obama HQs in our county. We’d hit up a few offices in towns near us, but we wanted to go to the HQs and see what they needed in terms of volunteering. We’d tried to go twice before. Once, we got to the area with only 20 minutes to spare before Kali’s school bus arrived so we had to head home. The next time we went over there without realizing we didn’t have the street number. On Tuesday, we got it right.

The guy running the office that day was a dead ringer for Stuart Townsend.

Tuesday we finally found our way to the Obama HQs in our county. We’d hit up a few offices in towns near us, but we wanted to go to the HQs and see what they needed in terms of volunteering. We’d tried to go twice before. Once, we got to the area with only 20 minutes to spare before Kali’s school bus arrived so we had to head home. The next time we went over there without realizing we didn’t have the street number. On Tuesday, we got it right.

The guy running the office that day was a dead ringer for Stuart Townsend.

Oh, The Irony

I don’t know much about The Kentucky Derby. I mean, I know the basics… horse race, women wearing ridiculous expensive hats, and mint juleps.

Anyway, watching some news program the other day they were saying that Hillary Clinton endorsed the only female horse in the race, Eight Belles. I believe she was riden by the only female jockey in the race as well. Anyway, Clinton apparently drew comparisons between herself and the horse… lone female in a male race, strong, resilient, etc.

Check this out:

Boy, did Eight Belles hang with the boys. All that heart and her gallant fight, however, ended in the worst of all possible ways: a breakdown, an ambulance on the track. And, with no other choice, she was euthanized by injection.

The day began with hope and pomp. Bolstered by the sentimental support from 157,770 fans and endorsed by presidential contender Hillary Clinton and cheered by daughter Chelsea, the filly finished second in the Kentucky Derby on Saturday.
As I read that part I thought, “Damn, not a really good comparison afterall.” But, I could not help laughing out loud at this…

She crossed the wire 4 3/4 lengths behind favorite Big Brown. Then, with the second-largest crowd in Derby history still whooping it up, Eight Belles collapsed with two broken front ankles.

Ok, am I the only one that sees it? Second place finish with the favorite Big Brown. Hillary’s currently in second place to Barack Obama… who’s brown… get it?

“There was no way to save her. She couldn’t stand,” trainer Larry Jones said. “She ran an incredible race. She ran the race of her life.”

Ah, nevermind. I thought it was funny. Not the dying horse part.. but, you know…

That Damn Obama

The other day…

“I had another sex dream last night.”

“Sex with who?”

“You!”

“What? You say that like it’s a dumb question. You’re the one who keeps having Obama sex dreams.”

“First of all, I don’t keep having them. I only had two. And it wasn’t sex with Obama… just… inappropriate flirting.”

Just awhile ago walking from our car to the library entrance so I could pick up some books including, “The Audacity of Hope”…

“Look, a Hillary sticker.”

“Fuck Hillary. I’m going to get an Obama bumper sticker. And a t-shirt that says Obama Mama. Oooh, and one that says Obama Mama with a little arrow pointing at my belly and then it will say Obama Baby. I mean, that he supports Obama too, not that he’s his Daddy or anything.”

“Yeah, only in your dreams.”

“Shut up.”

Speaking of dreams, after the library we stop for gas and I remember my dream from last night in which we won $190 million dollars…

“You have any cash? I want to buy a lottery ticket.”

“I think I have a dollar.”

“That’s all I need. A dollar and a dream. And Lord knows I have a dream. I’m a regular Martin Luther King up in this bitch.”

I buy the ticket, kiss it for luck (shut up) and stick it in my book to hold my page. I should have known better, though, than to try and read the prologue to Obama’s book while Donny drove. We were in Publix for about two minutes before we had to leave. I started seeing lights and my head was throbbing. No migraines while pregnant with Kali, but FIVE while pregnant with Jack and three of them have been in the past week. Grrrr!