Survivor: Tocantins Recap

Previously on Survivor: The tribes merge and Joe is sent home because his leg was all grody. I missed this episode because my TiVo ate it.

Previously on Survivor “The Biggest Fraud in the Game”: Coach McDouchebag tells this big ass lie about being captured in the Amazon and beaten by the indigenous people there. I want to gauge my eyes out with a pen, but I need the pen to write my biology final study notes.

Where did they find this guy?! He claims that the morning yoga/martial arts movements he does every day are passed down verbally from Tibetan monks.

There are so many alliances that I can’t keep them straight. JT is in like four of them!

Brendan is voted out. Damn it! Coach McAsshole lives to see another day.

Previously on Survivor – “It’s Funny When People Cry”: Sierra is forced to kiss Coach’s douchey ass in order to stay in the game. She’s treated like shit the whole episode, particularly by Tyson. Later, Tyson is blindsided at Tribal Council and voted out. I nearly bust a blood vessel yelling so hard. Thank God!

Previously on Survivor – “They Went Bananas”: Sierra tries to stir things up and get either Coach or Debbie voted out, but it doesn’t work. Sierra is voted out.

Previously on Survivor – “The Ultimate Sacrifice”: Taj wins a day with her husband on Exile Island and everyone else gets a family-member visit at camp. Debbie tries to make a move against Coach, but is voted out instead.

The Martyr Approach

Coach is shocked that Debbie was sent home. The group tells him that they didn’t tell him she was leaving because she tried to get him out and they didn’t want her to lie and turn Coach against them. He believes it ’cause the plan revolves around him and he believes that everything revolves around him anyway.

Coach doesn’t want to go to Exile Island because his asthma that he’s never mentioned before is acting up. Stephen thinks they should send his ass and I agree.

At the luxury challenge, they have to make their way through a maze with their ankles tied, then make a pole long enough to knock over three targets. Coach just follows J.T. ’cause he’s a loser. J.T. wins. He sends Coach to Exile Island. Coach says he’s going to not eat, drink, or sleep… just meditate. Erin calls him out for wanting to put himself in the position of having the worst Exile experience. She’s dumb for doing it, but she’s not wrong. J.T. picks Stephen to go with him on the luxury reward.

They shower and eat a lot of food during their reward.

Coach returns in time for the immunity challenge. He comes limping in with a cane. I want to beat him with it. The challenge is to hold themselves up with their arms between two walls. All mind over matter so Coach should ace it, right? It comes down to Coach and J.T. J.T. says he’d step down for a steak and beer. I could beat him with Coach’s cane too. They’re up there for 50 minutes when I notice that Coach has RINGS ON HIS TOES!

What a douchebag.

Coach drops down after letting out a primal yell. He falls to the ground in the fetal position. He says his back is all messed up. Jeff offers to have medical look at it, but he refuses.

Coach is convinced that Erin is leaving. At Tribal, he recites a poem before everyone can vote. Please God, let a swift wind come and push his scrawny ass into the tribal fire. Please!

Because God is good, Coach is not pushed into the fire, but he is sent home. Thank God for Stephen.

Finale is Sunday night. Woohoo!

Survivor: Tocantins “One of Those Coach Moments”

Previously on Survivor: Brendan and Sierra find the hidden immunity idol at Timbira and Taj and Stephen find the Jalapoa idol. JT wants to vote out Spencer. Taj goes black girl crazy, but doesn’t get voted out. Spencer gets the boot. 11 are left, who leaves tonight?

Jalapao – Night 15:

JT is not sorry to see Spencer go.

The next morning, Sydney is worried that if they lose again, she’ll go home. Joe pretty much admits that though Taj is the stronger player, if they lose again she will go home over Sydney because Sydney is hot. Dumbass.

And she ain’t even that hot!

And we have credits…

Timbira – Day 16

It looks like a prison camp.

Beans are done cooking and Coach adds dirty river water to it. He says it makes the beans taste better. The rain comes and he doesn’t even tend to his nasty concoction. He gets into the shelter with everyone else. When  the rain stops, the beans are ruined. I’d have kicked him in the junk.

Jalapao – Day 16

Their beans are juuuust fine.

Taj wants to tell JT about the idol. Stephen ain’t feeling it. He wants Taj all to himself… and the idol.

Luxury Challenge – Each tribe has five minutes to build a barracade in the other tribe’s frame. Then they have to toss ceramic pigs into their frame and if they break or drop the pigs, it doesn’t count. Most pigs win. They get to eat if they win.

They have ten minutes to toss pigs one at a time. Timbira scores first. they take a lead, but Jalapao starts to catch up. Sydney takes a lot of hard hits when she catches the pigs against her bony frame.

With three minutes left, Jalapao takes the lead. Woohoo! BUT.. Timbira wins. Ugh. I don’t want Coach to win ANYTHING.

Timbira picks Joe to go to Exile Island, and he picks Erin because when they merge, he wants someone to flip. He says his charm game is strong.

Timbira – Day 16

They go to their reward; the perfect all-American picnic.

At Exile Island, Erin and Joe realize the idols are at the camp.

Jalapao – Day 16

Stephen and Taj realize that when Joe gets back he’ll know right away where the idol is, and then figure out that Taj has it. They decide to make a fake idol to put in it’s place. Taj makes an arts and crafts project and hides it in tree mail.

JT and Stephen are going fishing and JT picks up a bag (Taj’s) and finds the idol. He approaches Stephen who is caught off guard and doesn’t display the appropriate amount of shock. He tells Taj that she should tell JT and she does. Now it looks good. It looks like she was honest. JT laps it up.

At the immunity challenge – Each tribe uses a sling shot to break a tile and release sand, which reveals bag and puzzle piece. Gather your pieces and complete the puzzle first.

JT shoots for Jalapao and Tyson for Timbira.

Timbira gets a lead working on their puzzle. Brendan and Erin work on Timbira’s puzzle while Stephen and Joe work on Jalapao’s. Timbira wins. Ugh!

Jalapao Day 18 - Joe finds the fake idol. He tells Sydney they’re voting out Taj. JT and Stephen try to convince Joe to vote out Sydney. JT and Stephen consider backstabbing Taj.

At Tribal Council – It’s so clear it’s between Sydney and Taj. Taj tries to work the angle that she might be able to flip some Timbira folks her way. Sydney says that she will remain loyal because she doesn’t know any Timbira folks Time to vote!

Sydney is voted out 3-2. This makes me happy because she has not been playing the game. She hasn’t made any moves. Why should she stay? Cause she’s cute and she gives Joe a boner? Bump that!

Bye!

Survivor: Tocantins Weeks 4 & 5

Week 4: The Strongest Man Alive

Previously on Survivor: Timbira dominated early. Taj and Brendan form a secret cross-tribal alliance; they’re gonna bring in Sierra and Stephen. Jalapao begins to dominate. Timbira votes out Candace, then Jerry. Coach wants to be the leader, but some of the tribe thinks it should be Brendan. Jalapao has 7 people left, Timbira, 6.

And now….

Timbira Night 9 -

After tribal council Coach is still salty ’cause Erin said he’s not a good leader.

Day 9 –

Brendan thinks they should all just vote and make a decision as to who should be leader. Coach steps aside so Brendan can be leader. In his confessional though, he still talks smack. He’s such a douche.

Jalapao Day 10 –

The tribe is concerned that Exile Island is wearing Taj down. She’s more concerned with getting Stephen alone to bring him into her alliance.

I love Stephen.

Timbira –

Tree mail suggests some kind of endurance competition for supplies. Brendan hasn’t had a chance to speak with Sierra about the alliance yet.

Luxury Challenge – Weights are added to tribe members’ shoulders until all but one drops. The winner gets to raid the other tribe for two items. And then there’s the whole Exile Island thing. Sierra, Stephen and Spencer sit out for their tribes.

Joe, Taj, JT – Jalapao weight bearers.

Debra, Brendan, and Tyson – Timbira weight bearers.

Joe and Brendan get the first weighs. JT and Tyson get the second set of weights. Brendan and Taj get some in the third round. It’s 20lbs each round.

Brendan could have broken Rupert’s 220lb record, but he drops out.

JT is at 220lbs. He’s tied the record. He’s awesome.

Tyson drops out at 14olbs.

Joe and JT drop out. It’s between Debra and Taj with 100lbs each.

Taj is solid as a rock. Debra looks like she’s going to crap her shorts.

Jalapao wins! Taj is classy and congratulates Deb.

Sierra is picked to go to Exile Island, but because she doesn’t know the plan, she picks Taj to go with her instead of Stephen.

After the challenge, Timbira ponders what Jalapao will take. They hope to convince Joe and JT not to take their beans. They go right for the beans. But they don’t take both sacks, just one and a watering can.

Sandy proves ungrateful and thinks they should have taken all the beans. She’s also starting to get on Sydney’s nerves. Sandy is hatin’ on Sydney ’cause she’s hot and flirting with the boys.

Exile Island Day 10 -

Taj gets the urn with the clue. It confirms that the idol is at tree mail. Taj fills Sierra in on the plan and she loves it!

Timbira Day 11 -

Everyone wants to relax. Tyson rocks a loin cloth and everyone thinks it’s funny. It’s not. It’s gross and hard to look at. Erinn agrees with me. She finds she can’t connect with the rest of her tribe. She just went through a bad break-up at home.

Immunity Challenge – One member at a time races out for puzzle pieces, the pieces are put in place and then rotated to reveal a phrase. Taj sits out.

Jalapao has a lead until Sydney loses it. They pretty much start their puzzles at the same time, but Timbira wins. The phrase was, “Escape the vote. Timbira/Jalapao wins immunity.”

Jalapao Day 12 –

Back at camp, Taj isn’t surprised that they lost. She wants an opportunity to speak with Stephen alone. Taj, Stephen, JT, and Sandy discuss Sydney going home. JT is unsure. I love him for not being swayed by a blonde with nice ta-tas.

When asked what part of the game they love, Stephen says he likes meeting people he wouldn’t normally meet. Sydney says she likes being sneaky. JT is all, “I’m glad you told me that.”

At Tribal Council –

Jeff brings up that Sandy had such an awful start ’cause that’s his job to bring up the butt-clenching questions. Sandy brings up the fact that Sydney wears JT’s boxer shorts. Sydney has to defend her flirtatious ways. Taj is all, “I don’t care who they want to hook-up with, Taj is gonna be okay!”

Time to vote…

Sandy – 4

Sydney – 1

Joe – 1

I really thought Sydney was going. Poor Sandy. She didn’t see it coming.

Both tribes are now even. It’s on!

Week 5 – You’re Going to Want That Tooth

Previously on Survivor: Because of the new Exile Island twist, Brendan and Taj have formed a cross-tribal alliance. They bring in Sierra and Stephen from their tribes. Brendan has found his idol at Timbira, and though Taj knows where it is (tree mail), she hasn’t had time to look for it. Jalapao votes out Sandy.

And now…

Jalapao Day 13 -

Stephen scratches Taj’s back and he says, “I’ve never brought such pleasure to a woman before,” as she moans. They head off to tree mail and find the idol.Taj tells Stephen to hold on to the idol because no one will suspect him of having it. He’s all, “Since I have it, it’s mine.” Um, yeah. Don’t tell that sistah that.

At Timbira –

Sierra and Brendan are alone and Sierra tells him she’s in on the plan. They pat themselves on the back.

At the Luxury Challenge -In rounds, a tribe member will be seated on spinning platform as another member races and causes it to spin. The dizzy tribe member then has to walk across a balance beam to a mat to score… they win a trip to a Charmin Cafe (Holy, product placement, Batman!)

Jalapao wins. They pick Brendan to go to Exile Island, and when Brendan picks Stephen, Jalapao think he’s classy, but Tyson smells a rat.Damn!

At the Charmin Cafe -

Jalapao eat so much sweet stuf and coffee, they’re totally gonna need the toilet provided. They’re also provided with surprise letters from home.

At Timbira -

Tyson tells Debra and Coach that Brendan has to go next, and they can’t tell Sierra ’cause she won’t be with them. Damn you, big mouth!

Coach predicts a storm will pass them by, and because he’s a loudmouth douchebag, they get rained on.

Exile Island Day 14 –

Brendan and Stephen bond over their new alliance. Brendan is happy to find out that Stephen and Taj have found the idol.

Jalapao Day 15 –

Sydney and … some guy that I don’t even know his name! Oh, the young one. Anyway, they talk about relationships. Spencer! That’s his name. He doesn’t bring up that he’s gay.

Tree mail announces the immunity challenge and it hints at connecting with your tribe and comes with a whiffle set.

At the immunity challange - Teammates take turns launching balls via a catapult, while the others catch for points. First to five wins immunity.

During the challenge, JT loses a tooth.

Jalapao loses though. Ugh. I hate Timbira. But at least they won’t be able to get rid of Brendan.

All Jeff has for Jalapao is JT’s tooth.

Jalapao Day 15 –

Taj is pissed. Joe’s knee is swollen. And JT is still missing a tooth.

Taj kinda goes off and Joe doesn’t like it. JT and Stephen trust her. Stephen is considering letter her go home w/o the idol. Snake!

JT is pushing for Stephen though. ‘Cause JT is awesome.

Spencer makes his case, but JT doesn’t seem convinced and honestly tells him it’s between him and Taj.

At Tribal Council –

Spencer admits that his performace was pathetic. Taj owns up to blowing up at camp.

Everyone votes.

Taj -1

Spencer – 4

Buh-bye.

Survivor: Tocantins – Week 3 “Mama Said There’d Be Days Like This”

Week 3: “Mama Said There’d Be Days Like This”

Previously on Survivor: Jalapao bonds, Timbira splinters. Brendan and Taj decide to work together to figure out clues to the immunity idol. Sierra was on the chopping block until Candace opened her big mouth. Candace was sent packing. 14 are left, who will be voted out tonight?

Timbira, Night 6:

Erinn was thrown for a loop when Candace was voted out and tries to distance herself from Candace… no one is buying it. She may be next.

And we have credits…

Timbira, Day 7:

Everyone is cold and miserable. Erinn realizes she has to shine in the next challenge or else she might go home. Jerry ain’t feeling the beans. He won’t eat them for breakfast and he didn’t eat them for dinner the night before. He says he has an upset stomach. He says he’s pretending to be okay with the situation even though he’s miserable.

Jalapao:

They struggle to catch fish with their new equipment, but eventually figure it out. JT shines catching major fish for the tribe.

Luxury Challenge: Six members of each tribe are blindfolded and tied together, the remaining tribe member directs them to water and buckets so they can fill a bin to raise a flag. And then they need to get corn and raise another flag? They’re playing for patio furniture and a tarp.

Jon directs Jalapao and Debbie directs Timbira.

Timbira is a hot ass mess. Jalapao has dumped three buckets before they dump one. Jalapao kicks butt and raises both flags.

Coach is pissed. Boohoo.

Jalapao chooses Brendan to go back to Exile Island and he chooses Taj. Big mouth Jeff asks if that concerns the tribes. Well, if it didn’t, it might now!

Back at Timbira, Coach is all whiny and upset ’cause they lost so badly. Debbie feels like she let everyone down. She did. But they all equally suck. Coach says they shouldn’t go off and shit talk each other… and then he does exactly that. Tyson trips over himself to kiss Coach’s ass. Coach calls Tyson his assistant coach and Tyson is all atwitter. He thinks Coach has a schoolboy crush on him. Um, I think it’s the other way around.

At Jalapao: They celebrate their win and bask in their own awesomeness.

“We are so awesome!”

“I know, right?!”

Timbira Day 7:

They are getting all wet and miserable.

Exile Island, Day 7:

Taj picks the urn with the next clue this time. It’s surrounded by wood at their camps.

Taj and Brendan discuss each bringing in another person in case they’re not sent back for the clues next time. Taj picks Stephen and Brendan picks Sierra. They discuss a four-person alliance should they make the merge.

Jalapao, Day 8:

The tribe sleeps well with their new blankets and tarp covering their shelter. They’re hoping Timbira is miserable going into the immunity challenge.

Immunity Challenge:

Two members of each tribe race to roll a crate to their mat. Once all six crates are there they have to spell out their tribe’s name. Blah…

It’s pretty much neck-in-neck for much of the race for the crates, until Timbira gets a big lead.  Once they start working on the staircase that spells their name, Erinn takes charge and they’re pulling ahead. Then they start fussing and fall behind. Jalapao wins!!!

Jerry says he’s through. He’s finished. He knows he may be voted out.

Timbira, Day 9:

Jerry is drained. He doesn’t even bother hiding it. Has he seen this show? He says that they’re gonna have to vote him out, he’s not giving up.

Coach is annoyed that everyone seems to be ready to get rid of Jerry and ignoring Erinn. He says that she got an evil look on her face when she realized she was safe. He starts pushing for her to go.

Privately, Tyson tells Jerry to try and look strong. And tells him no one has mentioned his name to go home.

Brendan starts snooping around the tree mail area and finds the hidden idol. He hides it elsewhere.

Erinn: You don’t want to be like, “Hey, everybody, Jerry’s sick!” But you kinda wanna be like, “Hey, everybody, Jerry’s sick!!”

Tyson says he wants Erinn blindsided ’cause he likes seeing people cry when you crush their dreams. I can’t wait for him to go.

At Tribal Council:

When asked, “Who should be the leader?,” Jerry says, “Brendan.”
Coach takes offense and thinks he should be the leader. He says he led the competition with his eyes.

Erinn smirks.

Everyone votes.

Jerry – 4

Erinn – 1

Tyson doesn’t look happy.

Poor Jerry.

Survivor: Tocantins Epis. 1 & 2

Week 1: “Let’s Get Rid of the Weak Players Before We Even Start”

Usually Donny and I will pick who we think will win from first impressions, but since I’m watching (and recapping) two weeks worth alone, Donny’s prediction will be in next week’s recap of episode 3.

So, let’s get started with episode 1. Last night’s recap (episode 2) starts after the next blue header.

It’s in Brazil this season. The Tocantin desserts. One of the most isolated places on Earth. They’ll have to share the few rivers with all the wildlife. Nice.

There are two tribes. Red = Jalapao and Black = Timbira

The two tribes are told they have 60 seconds to grab as many supplies as they can from the truck they arrived in. Already Timbira is kicking ass. They took all the water and bags of food.

Before they start off on their four hour journey to camp, Jeff tells them they each have to vote for one person not making the journey.

Jalapao (red tribe) votes for the older lady, Sandy. Why they hatin’? She ain’t even that old! Timbira (black tribe) vote for the young blonde who also happens to have strep throat (Sierra) Jeff then reveals that the two outcasts will be arriving at camp by helicopter while everyone else hoofs it.

Sandy is happy and praising God. Jeff tells her, “Slow yo roll.” This game is about social integration and she needs to figure out a way to reverse that negative first impression and not be smiling right now. She still smiles and nods like she hasn’t heard one word he says. This annoys me.

Jalapao (red) takes off. We find they have Spencer who is 19 and the youngest Survivor contestant ever. Taj, who is black, starts talking to Carolina who immediately starts talking “black.”

Not even her Panamanian roots quell my desire to slap her.

They also have J.T., a cattle rancher. He’s a good ole boy from Alabama. And he’s HOT! Stephen, a corporate accountant with glasses, worries that J.T. won’t take to him, “an anxious NY Jew,” too well.

Timbira is on their way as well.

Jerry just got back from Afghanistan and he already admits that a brotha ain’t tryna be in charge. “Coach” has a mullet and is annoying. He’s all large and in charge and trying to form an alliance with Brendan.

Sandy gets to the Jalapao camp and cries. She finds a note that says she can spend the extra time setting up the camp which may curry favor, or she can search for the hidden immunity idol. She chooses to look for the idol.

Sierra arrives at Timbira’s camp, and decides to set up the camp.

When Jalapao arrives they greet Sandy with open arms like they didn’t just vote her as most useless. Secretly though, some are seething that she didn’t set up camp while she was there. Sandy reasons that they already don’t like her and she wasn’t going to waste her energy doing something that wouldn’t be appreciated. I don’t know. She didn’t find the idol so this may have been a dumb move.

When Timbira arrives, it’s nighttime, and though they all appreciate the fact that she busted her sick ass building their shelter, Coach still thinks Sierra needs to go.

Jalapao Day 2:

While the tribe is working on shelter, Sandy makes an excuse to go off and find the Idol. She finds the next clue which tells her to walk ten paces towards the lone palm tree. And apparently she doesn’t know what a pace is… or a palm tree ’cause she can’t find it. Jesus

Timbira Day 2:

Tyson is not your stereotypical Mormon. He’s walking around naked. The girls are all atwitter. He wants to spend the million dollars on a man-tiara. Um, okay.

Yes, he really did say that.

Day 3:

The first immunity challenge gets underway (the tribes have to wade through water to recover planks to build a staircase, make their way up the stairs and complete a table maze) and J.T. proves to be a strong competitor. Carolina is struggling to stay up as the teams walk through water with their planks. She’s also struggling to keep her top up.

As Timbira starts working on their staircase, Sierra’s bare ass has to be blurred out. Jalapao completes their staircase first and starts working on a table maze. Timbira catches up and starts theirs as well.

Timbira wins! Immunity and fire.

At Jalapao everyone is bickering. Taj called Carolina out and Carolina agreed with her. “Yes, I am a whiny bitch.”

Spencer doesn’t think they should get rid of Sandy. The others are wavering between Sandy and Carolina.

Carolina apologizes to Sandy for calling her an old lady when she voted for her. Sandy is all forgiving ’cause she knows she still has the possibility of finding the Idol.

At Tribal Council:

JT calls Sandy out for not doing any work at the camp while they had to get there by foot, and then Cindy calls her out for disappearing the second day. Carolina completely admits that she’s bossy and opinionated and that sometimes it comes off as whiny. That seems to have won her some favor with the other tribemates.

It’s time to vote and Carolina and Sandy each vote for the other one. We don’t get to see anyone else’s vote. Jeff doesn’t even ask if anyone has the Idol. Guess Sandy never figured out what paces are.

Carolina gets five votes to Sandy’s one. And she’s gone. I’m in total shock!

Ok, I gotta put my money on J.T. at this point to win it all.

Week 2: “The Poison Apple Needs To Go”

Previously on Survivor: Jalapao (red) and Timbira (black) are stranded in Brazil. Thinking they were voting out one of their own on first impressions, they voted Sierra and Sandy off the trek to camp. Sandy decided to search for the hidden immunity idol, while Sierra set up her tribe’s camp instead. Jalapao went to tribal council first where Carolina’s bossiness made her the first castaway voted off.

Night 3:

Jalapao make fire with their new flint given to them at tribal council. Sandy is thanking everyone for keeping her around, but Spencer reveals to us that really she just swapped places with Carolina. She’ll be going second instead of first.

And we have credits…

Day 4:

Jalapao is in desperate need of protein and decide to eat termites. This is where they’d vote my black ass right off. They find a huge, fat worm and some of the guys eat it.

At Timbira

They struggle to make fire with their flint. Sierra confides in Brendan about the hidden immunity idol. She tells him because he didn’t vote for her that first day. They head off to find it. They’re gone forever and get caught digging for the next clue. Sierra covers and says they were building a fire pit. Candace calls the idea out as stupid and says she’d rather sit around camp and talk shit. Why trek to the beach to do it?

Day 5:

Timbira: Candace and Coach clash over whether or not Candace should cook the rice and beans in the same pot. Next thing you know, they’re all flirty flirty and kissy kissy. Coach wants to hit that. Just sayin’.

Jalapao: Dumbass Taj lets loose that her husband is this big-time football analyst and Heisman Trophy winner, Eddie George. She would have been better off telling everyone she used to be in SWV. They know they ain’t had a hit in 15 years. They would think she was broke like everyone else!

Stephen, the self-proclaimed NY Jew, is the only guy on the tribe who doesn’t know who Eddie George is. The others are creaming in their shorts. JT, with his fine ass, reasons that he probably needs the million dollars more than she does. True dat.

Immunity challenge: while in the water each team tries to score baskets while the other tribe tries to stop them. They’re also playing for fishing gear. Also, the winning tribe will send one member of the losing tribe to Exile Island where they’ll get a clue to the hidden immunity idol. There’s also a twist that Jeff will read later.

There’s lots of titties flapping and ass exposed during the challenge. Taj manhandles many women much smaller than her. Jalapao wins as Stephen makes the winning basket.

Jalapao sends Brendan to Exile Island and twist reveals that he gets to pick a member of the winning team to go with him. He chooses Taj.

Jalapao spends their day fishing and J.T. has Stephen swooning. I don’t know if he’s gay, but he’s in love.

Exile Island Day 5:

Taj and Brendan get their provisions and then they each have to choose an urn. Taj’s is empty and Brendan’s has a clue that he has to read in private. He also had an opportunity to join Jalapao, but he ain’t having it.

Taj convinces him to let her help him look for the idol, and thanks to her, he realizes that the idols are at camp, but the clues are at Exile. They spend their remaining time bonding and agree to team up should they make the merge.

At Timbira:

Candace is salty ’cause they lost. She’s pushing for Coach to get voted off. I can’t decide if I know her, or she just reminds me of every bitch I’ve ever met. Debbie goes to Coach and drops a dollar worth of dimes telling him that Candace has been trash talking him. Two weeks in a row Coach has the episode title quote, “The poison apple (Candace) needs to go.” Candace wasn’t on the radar. Sierra was, but her big mouth just made her a target.

Day 6:

Brendan returns to camp and tells everyone that Taj picked the urn with the clue, looked for the idol alone, and never said if she found it or not. Smart.

Tyson realizes that Candace performed better than Sierra and doesn’t necessarily think it’s wise to vote off Candace. Everyone’s all paranoid and Tyson and Jerry giggle a lot.

At Tribal Council:

Jerry is saying how hard it is to vote this early because they have bonded and Erin scrunches up her face. Jeff calls her on it and she’s all, “I don’t know these fools.” Debbie, ever the suck up, disagrees and pretty much dimes herself out for having an alliance with someone by saying, “Oh, I have trust with people.” Dumbass.

Vote time.

Sierra votes for Candace. And that’s all we see. Jeff tallies the votes.

Candace gets five votes. Sierra gets one. Candace is gone. She opened her mouth around the wrong people. You can’t trust blondes!

So, what do you think of the castaways this season? Who are you rooting for?