Lost – Season 5 Epi. 16: “The Incident”

Previously on Lost: Faraday convinces Jack that they need to destroy the pocket of energy that causes the hatch in order to make it so that their plane never crashed. He’s going to use the hydrogen bomb to do so.

And now…

A man is using a loom and making a tapestry. Then then he goes fishing at the beach. He sits and eats his fish while watching a ship at sea. Another man joins him and they discuss the ship. The second man says that the first man brought the ship there trying to prove him wrong. He says the same thing always happens; the people come there and fight, destroy and corrupt. He says he wants to kill the first man and he will once he finds a loophole. The first man says, he’ll be right there when he does. The second man leaves and we see they were sitting under the giant statue. The first guy is Jacob.

I knew one of them was Jacob the moment they started talking. I also called it that they were near that statue which seems to look like… Anubis? I need you mythology geeks to help me out here.

From their convo I’m getting a whole “God and Satan” vibe going. Jacob called the other guy, “my friend.” Where are they and what are these rules that seem to be in place that the other would need a “loophole” to kill Jacob?

Donny thinks the ship at sea is The Black Rock. Is this how Richard came to be on the island? Wasn’t the Black Rock back in the 1800′s?

As a little girl Kate tries to steal a New Kids on the Block lunchbox from a store. A man offers to pay for it to keep her from getting in trouble. The man is Jacob.

On the submarine, Kate tells Sawyer and Juliet that Jack is going to blow up the island. Sawyer is all, “Good for him,” and refuses to help Kate stop Jack.

Sayid has read Daniel’s journal and knows how to remove the core of the bomb so that they can take it to The Swan. They have two hours. Richard isn’t pleased.

Miles’ Dad stops the drilling at The Swan, but Radzinsky’s raggedy ass resumes it. He ignores Chang’s warnings that bad shit is about to happen ’cause he’s a douchebag.

Thirty Years Later:

Richard is still young and sexy.

Ok, I’ve been away a few weeks, but remember a few epis ago when Faraday pulled the gun on Richard and Richard was like, “You don’t want to do this?” Well, am I the only one that kinda expected Richard to go full-on demon and like eat Faraday or something? No? Just me? Ok then.

On their way to Jacob, Locke and co. take a break. Ben admits to Sun that he’s never met Jacob, who is in charge of the island. Richard is amazed that Locke is alive after Ben strangled him. Locke says he’s amazed that Richard doesn’t age.

Also, Richard seems to only have that one nice shirt. BUT when Ben first met him he looked like a bush-man.

They both agree that they are the way they are because of Jacob. Locke says he wants to go to Jacob to thank him. He also says that eventually they’ll have to deal with the other plane passengers and when Richard asks what Locke means, he says, “You know what I mean.” That means death!

Meanwhile, the other plane passengers are rowing ashore with Lapidus knocked out. Jimmy Kimmel wants to know why they’re keeping him around and Elana says he may be useful. J.K. is annoyed that Lapidus didn’t know the answer to the question. Lapidus is awake and has been listening. He wants to know what’s in the cargo box they’re carrying. They show him. He’s not pleased.

As a little boy, Sawyer attends his parents’ funeral. He’s writing the letter to the man that caused their deaths when Jacob shows up and offers him a pen. A man shows up after Jacob leaves and reads the letter. He makes Sawyer promise to leave well enough alone and not finish the letter. We all know how that ends.

When the Dharma guy with the sedatives arrive, Juliet knocks him out. She tells Sawyer they can’t let the people on the island die. They hold the captain at gunpoint and they make him resurface the sub so they can get off. Then they direct him to leave as planned after disabling the radio.

Sayid removes the core from the hydrogen bomb. Richard still isn’t please, but he’s till young and sexy so I’m okay with that. Oh, he doesn’t think it’s a good idea that Eloise is involved because she’s pregnant. Richard tells Jack that years ago Locke came to him and told him that he’d be their leader. Well, Richard has left the island three times to visit Locke, but he hasn’t been impressed. Jack tells him not to give up on Locke.

Thirty Years Later:

Locke wonders why Ben didn’t tell Richard that he plans on killing Jacob. Ben admits that his dead daughter threatened to destroy him if he didn’t do whatever Locke says. This makes Locke happy because he realizes he won’t have to convince Ben to kill Jacob.

Sayid and Nadia are about to cross the street when Jacob stops Sayid and asks him for directions. Nadia is hit by a car and dies.

That was six shades of fucked up.

Sayid, Jack, Richard, and Eloise prepare to leave with the bomb. Richard knocks out Eloise and pulls a gun on Jack and Sayid. He says they can go do what they need to, but he’s not gonna let Eloise go. He refers to Eloise as their leader.

Jack and Sayid leave the underground tunnels and enter a Dharma house. They decide to wear Dharma jumpsuits and make their escape in plain sight. Ben’s father spots them and shoots Sayid. Jack goes all Jack Bauer shooting people in return. Miles, Jin, and Hurley arrive in a van and rescues them.

The sub leaves as Kate, Sawyer and Juliet paddle to shore. Juliet stares at it longingly. They come ashore and find Rose and Bernard. Bernard looks a hot ass mess. They’ve been living in the jungle for three years with Vincent. Sawyer wants to know why they didn’t speak up and Rose is like, “We were happy without all you crazy white folk.” They don’t care if Jack blows up the island, they just want to be together. Juliet looks at Sawyer and he looks at Kate.

Poor Juliet.

They head for the Dharma barracks.

I’m not happy with this tie-up (if that’s what it is) of Rose and Bernard. Not even a little bit.

Elana, Lapidus, Jimmy Kimmel and crew arrive at Jacob’s cabin. A ring of ash around the cabin has been disturbed. Elana goes inside.

The ash around the cabin reminds me of Supernatural episodes where they use salt to bind demons. Was that ash there to keep Jacob in? Out? Protect him? Or to hold someone else?

Flashback to Elana in a hospital. Her face is heavily bandaged. Jacob comes to see her. He apologizes for not coming sooner. She’s happy to see him. He says he needs her help and she agrees.

Elana didn’t seem surprised at all to see Jacob. She seemed to know who he was too. Also, notice how he touches everyone. Definitely getting a “God” vibe.

At Jacob’s cabin, Elana tells the others that Jacob isn’t there and hasn’t been for a long time. Someone else has been using it. She orders them to burn it.

Jacob is sitting on a bench outside a building when Locke comes flying out of it. Man, it sure looks like Jacob brought Locke back to life. He tells him he’s sorry this has happened to him.

From the moment they showed Jacob sitting there, I knew Locke was gonna come flying out the window. Did it look like his touch brought Locke back to life or was that just coincidence that he opened his eyes at that exact moment?

On the island, Ben admits to Locke that he was talking to an empty chair that time they went to see Jacob. Ben wants to know why he would kill Jacob. Locke tells  him that despite his island loyalty, Ben got cancer, saw his daughter murdered, and was banished. Why wouldn’t he want to kill Jacob?

Well, when you put it like that.

Sun finds Charlie’s Drive Shaft ring in Aaron’s old crib. She flashes back to her wedding day. Jacob offers his congratulations to her and Jin in flawless Korean.

Hurley is driving his ass off towards The Swan. Sayid is bleeding out. They stop when they see Sawyer, Kate and Juliet standing in the middle of the road. Sawyer wants five minutes to talk to Jack and Jack agrees.

Flashback to Jack when he cuts that girl’s spinal thingie and his Daddy is there and makes him count to five before he tries to stitch her up. Um, that’s not the version he told Kate in the very first episode. After the surgery, Jack’s candy bar gets stuck in the vending machine (a Dharma candy bar at that!) Jack is annoyed with his father for putting him in a time-out during his surgery. Jacob comes along and gets two candy bars out of the machine and offers one to Jack.

In the woods, Sawyer tells Jack that it was a year ago that his father killed his mother and then himself. He didn’t get on the sub and stop it from happening. What’s done is done. So, he wants to know what Jack screwed up so badly that he has to set off a nuke to make it right. Jack talks about destiny and Sawyer doesn’t believe in destiny. Jack says that he had Kate and lost her. Sawyer is like, “She’s right over there. Go tell her!” Jack is done. He’s going to set off the bomb.

All I know is that Kate must have some good ish to have these fools jumping through hoops and setting off nukes.

Sawyer starts to kick his ass. Jack kicks his ass back. Jack won’t stop. Juliet shows up and tells Sawyer to stop. She agrees with Jack. They have to set off the bomb. Juliet has changed her mind.

As a kid, Juliet learns her parents are getting a divorce. Her mom tells her that sometimes people who love each other aren’t meant to be together. Back on the island, she tells Sawyer that she changed her mind when she saw him look at Kate. She says that maybe they weren’t meant to be together. If they never come to the island, she nevers meets him, and then she doesn’t have to lose him.

At The Swan, Radzinsky takes a call from Phil and learns that Jack and the others have a bomb and may be headed there. He orders Phil to come there with some men and guns so they’ll be ready.

Jack is already there watching from a distance. Kate wants to know what happened to his face. Sawyer happened. Jack wants to know why she made him promise never to ask about Aaron. She said she was angry at him for making her come back. She said she came back to make it right so that Aaron can be with his mother. Jack says that nothing in his life has ever felt as right as what they’re about to do. The guys at The Swan hit something with their drill and Jack realizes that it’s about to happen. Kate, finally, has his back.

Hurley gets out of jail and shares a cab with Jacob. He’s sitting in the back of the cab with a guitar case. When Hurley assumes that Jacob is dead, Jacob tells him he isn’t. He wants to know why Hurley won’t go back to the island. Hurley says he’s cursed cause he sees dead people. Jacob tells him that seeing the people he loves might mean that he’s blessed. He tells Hurley about the flight that will lead him back to the island.

Did Hurley just offer God a Fruit Roll-up?

Back on the island, in the 70′s, Sayid ain’t looking so good. Hurley tells him that he’ll be okay once Jack changes the past/future. Sayid doesn’t think he’s gonna make and Miles agrees. Jack says he’s gonna take the bomb down to the site. Sayid has rigged the bomb to explode on impact. Jack takes off and runs into Sawyer and Juliet. He tells Sawyer, “See you in Los Angeles.”

Locke and crew have arrived at the foot of the statue and he stares at it. Richard tells Locke that if he had waited, Jacob would have come to him. Locke is tired of waiting. Locke is a bit of a douchebag. Sun asks Ben what happened to the statue and Ben says it was like that when he got there. Sun isn’t so sure. Locke takes Ben inside the tomb against Richard’s wishes. Locke wants to know if Ben is up to killing Jacob and tells him things will change once Jacob is gone. He promises. And then he hands Ben a knife.

At the van, Miles asks everyone if it hadn’t occured to any of them that Jack’s explosion might actually be the event that starts everything.

DUH!

They see Phil and his men on their way to The Swan. They realize Jack will need help. Phil’s nosy ass spots Jack and starts shooting. He shoots back. Juliet, Sawyer, Miles, and Kate arrive in the van. They start lighting shit up. Sawyer knocks out Radzinsky and takes Phil hostage. Phil makes everyone drop their guns and Jack prepares to drop the bomb. Chang tries to turn off the drill, but it won’t shut off because they’ve already hit the pocket.

Jack, Kate, Juliet, and Sawyer all share tearful looks and Jack drops the bomb. Well, he drops the hydrogen bomb in the hole… he doesn’t fart. They brace themselves and wait for the explosion. And wait. And wait. And wait. Nothing happens.

Then the electro-magnetic stuff starts happening and everything metal starts flyin down the hole. Miles’ father is injured, but Miles helps him and tells him to get far away. Radzinksy and crew try to leave, but can’t cause their damn jeep almost gets sucked down. Phil is about to shoot Sawyer, but takes a metal pipe through the chest instead. Juliet is dragged to the hole with chains. Kate stops her from going down, but can’t save her alone. Sawyer grabs Juliet’s hand, but he can’t pull her up because of the chains. Kate tries to free Juliet from the chains. Juliet realizes that they’ll probably die too if they continue to try and save her. She tells Sawyer she loves him and then lets go.

Awwww.

On the beach, thirty years later, Richard sits with Sun. Elana and crew show up asking for Ricardos. She asks Richard what lies in the shadow of the statue. He answers in latin. She shows him what’s in the cargo container. It’s Locke!

And I have goosebumps!!!

Inside the tomb, Ben admires the tapestry we saw Jacob making all those years ago. Jacob addresses Locke and says that he finally found his loophole.

Locke is the second man! Or the second man is Locke! Or posing as Locke.

Fake-Locke tells Ben to do what he told him to do. Jacob tells Ben he has a choice and he can leave them to their business. Ben wants to know why Locke. Why after 35 years and doing all that Jacob asked, why wasn’t he good enough to get an audience with Jacob? What about me?

“What about you?,” Jacob responds.

DAY-UM.

Ben stabs Jacob twice in the chest. As he spits out blood he tells Fake-Locke, “They’re coming.” Fake-Locke kicks Jacob into the fire.

Juliet wakes up at the bottom of the hole. She’s badly hurt. She takes a rock and bashes at the bomb next to her. It explodes.

And that’s it till 2010!

Ok, so my thoughts are…

1. Bad man in black has been the one in the cabin and directing Locke and the others when he appeared as Christian, Eko’s brother, Locke and Alex.

2. Are they Gods?

3. Bad man in black accussed Jacob of bringing the people on the ship to the island. Did he also bring flight 315 and Desmond and everyone else that ended up there?

4. Are the smoke monster and the bad man in black connected? I think so.

5. Why would the original, indigenous, Others become Dharma to begin with? And again, who has been funding them once Ben killed all the original DI people? Well, all except Ethan.

6. How does this explosion change what we already know? What has it erased? Has it negated what just happened in the tomb under the statue?

7. What the hell did Richard say in Latin?

8. Will we ever see Rose and Bernard again? Or Claire?

I think we’re about to enter in to some good vs. evil/Gods-type storylines. And I love it!

Lost – Season 5 – Epis. 12 & 13 “Dead is Dead” and “Some Like It Hoth”

Previously on Lost: Sayid shoots young Ben in the 70′s. Kate and Sawyer take Ben to Richard Alpert who says that if he helps Ben, Ben will always be one of them. Because Ben won’t give himself up, Whitmore’s mercenary kills Alex. Sun takes off with Lapidus to find Jin. Locke realizes Ben is back on the island too.

And now…

On the island, a guy with curly thick hair rides a horse. He looks like something off an old romance novel’s cover. He storms into the camp of The Others and approaches Richard.

He’s pissed that Ben is there. He tells Richard he should have let Ben die. Richard says the island chooses who it chooses and that Jacob wanted it done. This shuts Fabio Jr. up.

He goes in to see Ben and tells Ben that he has to go back, but Ben wants to stay. He wants to be one of them. The stranger with the fancy hair tells Ben that even if he lives with the DI, that doesn’t mean he isn’t one of them. Fabio Jr. is a young Charles Widmore.

Back in present day, Ben wakes up and claims that he knew that Locke would survive. Locke wants to know why Ben was trying to get to the other island. Ben says he came back to be judged. By the monster. Sweet! I love smoke monster episodes.

And we have semi-credits…

Ben approaches Elana and some others on the beach. They’re moving something in a big box. He offers help and they turn him down. One guy looks like a cross between Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Rogen. They’re acting suspcious. So much for Elana being just who she said she was.

Caesar tells Ben that he will have his back if Locke tries anything. Ben plays into Caesar’s suspicions about Locke. Ben notes that Caesar has the sawed-off shotgun from the office.

Years ago, on the island, Ben as a young man and a kid (Ethan) go into Danielle’s tent at night. Ben is going to shoot her, but takes Alex instead. He tells Danielle that if she follows him, he’ll kill the baby. He tells her that if she wants Alex to live, every time she hears whispers she’ll run the other way.

Note: Ethan seems desperate to prove himself to Ben. Now we know how Ethan came to be a part of The Others posing as DI when we first met him after being born DI. I brought that question up a few episodes ago.

Back to present, Ben is going through his office stuff when he finds a picture of him and Alex. Locke shows up and wants to know why Ben killed him. Ben said it was the only way to get them all back. He said he couldn’t have allowed Locke to hang himself because he had info Ben needed. Then he didn’t have time to talk Locke back into killing himself. It was all in the best interest of the island. Locke says, “I was just looking for an apology.”

Locke says he wants to help Ben get to the other island to be judged. If Ben really has the island’s best interest in mind, Locke is down with that.

Ben and Locke are about to take a boat to the other side when Caesar and two guys show up. He’s not gonna let them take the boat. Ben plays like Locke is forcing him. Locke is all, “What’s up with that?” When Caesar reaches for his gun, Ben has it and shoots Caesar in the chest.

DAYUM.

Ben and Locke arrive at the main island. Ben tells Locke that Sun and Lapidus were there before them and that Sun knocked him over the head. Locke wants to know if Sun also hurt Ben’s arm. No, that was someone else. Locke tells Ben he doesn’t believe he wants to be judged for breaking island rules, but rather for killing his daughter.

Back in the day, on the island, Ben reports back to a much older Charles and tells him that he didn’t kill Danielle and that he took Alex. Charles is pissed. Ben refuses to kill a child and says he doesn’t think it’s what Jacob wants. He tells Charles that if he wants the baby dead, he should do it. There’s mad respect in The Others’ eyes.

And that, ladies and gents, is how Ben became a Daddy.

In present time, Locke wants to know whose idea it was to live in the DI houses after he murdered them. Good question! Locke doesn’t think it’s something the island would want. Ben says that Locke has no idea what the island wants. Are you sure, Locke counters.

A light goes on in Ben’s house, in Alex’s room, and someone is walking around. Creepy! Ben goes to investigate. It’s Sun. Lapidus shows up. He gives Ben the picture from 1977. Ben wants to know who gave them the picture. They tell him Christian did and that he told Sun if she ever wanted to see Jin again, she’d have to go in Ben’s house and wait for John Locke. Ben instructs them to look outside. Locke waves like it ain’t no thang.

This whole back-from-the-dead business freaks Lapidus out. He wants Sun to go back to the other island with him. She wants to find Jin, so she’s staying. Lapidus is all, “Aight. That’s on you. Peace.” He throws up deuces and he’s out. Sun wants to know how to find Jin, but Locke tells her Ben has something to do first.

Ben goes into his closet and goes through the secret underground passageway. He reaches into a muddy water puddle and unclogs the drain. The water disappears down the drain. “I’ll be outside,” he says.

Back in the day… Ben is pushing Alex as a little girl on a swing. Richard approaches Ben and tells him the sub is about to leave. Ben says he has to see off whoever is leaving. It’s Charles. He tells Charles he came to say goodbye, but Charles says he came to gloat. Ben says he brought it all on himself by leaving the island regularly and having a daughter with an outsider. Charles tells Ben he couldn’t sacrifice Alex for the island, but Ben says it was Charles that wanted her dead not the island. Charles says that if he’s right, Alex will be dead eventually.

Present day… Locke goes off to do something, Sun doesn’t know what or where. Sun tells Ben that Jack must have lied about Locke being dead. Ben assures her that Locke was really dead. She wants to know if Ben knew Locke would come back. Ben tells her that “Dead is dead,” and the fact that Locke is walking around the island scares the hell out of him. They hear a noise and Ben warns Sun to go inside cause he can’t control what is going to come out of the jungle.

What comes out of the jungle is Locke. He says that if the smoke monster isn’t coming to them, they need to go to it. Ben says he doesn’t know where it is. Locke does.

It’s probably not a good idea to keep showing off to the man that killed you once, and is totally enamored with the island, that you know so much about said island. Just sayin’.

They head off.

On the mainland, before the flight to Guam, Ben calls Charles and tells him he’s going back to the island later that day. He says he’s going to kill Penny first. He’s at the marina. I told you! He hangs up on Charles.

Back on the island, Ben wants to know how Locke knows where he’s going. “I just do,” Locke says. Now Ben knows what it was like to be Locke all that time. Ben figures out that they’re going to the same place Ben was taken as a child, where he was healed. Ben says the wall was built to keep people like Sun and Locke from ever seeing their temple which is a half mile from there. Locke says they’re not going the temple, they’re going under it.

Ben asks Sun to tell Desmond he’s sorry if she ever makes it off the island. “Sorry for what?,” she wants to know. “He’ll know,” Ben tells her.

At the marina, Ben watches Penny and approaches, but walks right by Desmond who spots him. He shoots Desmond, but it’s not a very good shot. It looks like he shot the groceries more than anything else. Ben apologizes to Penny and tells her that her father is a bad man responsible for killing his daughter. Little Charlie comes out and Ben pauses. Penny pleads for her son’s life. Ben lowers the gun and then Desmond comes and beats dat ass. He pushes Ben in the water. Now we know how he hurt his arm and got all bloody when he called Jack and had him pick up Locke’s body.

Back on the island, Lapidus makes it back. A man tells him that Elana and three other men found guns and claim to be in charge now. Lapidus wants to know what’s going on. Elana asks him, “What lies in the shadow of the statue?”

Um, the well? The creepy temple with the smoke monster?

Obviously Elana and Jimmy Kimmel have an agenda. She orders Lapidus tied up. He’s going with them.

Under the temple, Ben and Locke make their way with torches. Ben admits that Locke was right about why Ben needed to be judged. He did kill Alex by not surrending and now he has to answer for it. He tells Locke he will go the rest of the way alone. Ben starts to tell Locke that he’ll meet him outside if he lives, but he falls through a hole Pitfall style. Lockes goes to find something to pull Ben out of the under-underground room he’s in.

Ben looks around. There’s hieroglyphics on pillars and the walls. Uh-oh. The staticy electro-sounds of the smoke monster can be heard. It comes up through holes in the floor. In the smoke, Ben sees his past with Alex inlcluding the moment he let her die. The smoke monster leaves and he turns to find Alex behind him. He apologizes to her. She grabs him and slams him against a pillar. She tells him she knows he plans to kill Locke again, and that if he touches him she will hunt him and destroy him. He is to listen and follow Locke. She makes him swear to it and then she’s gone.

Ok, NOW will you people believe me in that the island can only take the shape of people who are dead ON THE ISLAND? Eko’s brother, Christian, Alex, etc. Hurley sees (Eko, Charlie, and Ana Lucia who are dead on the island, but I think he may really see dead people and that it’s not the same as the others.)

Anyway, Locke calls down to Ben wanting to know what happened.

“It let me live.”

Episode 13 – Some Like It Hoth

An Asian woman looks at an apartment. Her son, Miles, wants money for a vending machine. He looks to be about five or six. He is drawn to another apartment where he finds a dead body. When his mother and the landlord come running, they find Miles with the body. He says he can hear the dead man talking to him.

On the island, in the 70′s, Sawyer calls Miles and tells him to get rid of the security footage from camera four. He doesn’t want anyone to see that he and Kate took Ben to The Others.

Before Miles can take the tape out, Horace comes in and tells Miles he wants to bring him into the circle of trust. (Since Lafleur -Sawyer- is MIA) He tells Miles to go out to territory 334 and meet Radzinski. He’s gonna give him something. 334 is hostile territory.

Miles gives Radzinski a body bag and Miles watches as some other DI guys put a body in it. Radzinski ain’t offering up details. The dead body has a hole in the head.

He tells Miles to take the body back to Horace and leaves. Miles asks the dead body, “Ok, so what really happened?”

Um, he couldn’t have pulled away for a few feet first?

And we have fake credits…

Young and rebellious Miles (we know this by all the face piercings) wants to see his dying mother. He wants to know how he does the things that he does. He asks her about his father and she tells him that his father is dead and that he never cared about them. Miles wants to know where his body is. “Somewhere you can never go.”

Back on the island, Horace tells Miles to bring the body to Dr. Chang at The Orchid. Before that, Horace was on the phone talking to someone and he says, “Pierre, if it was caused by the electromagnetism, we need to know.” He tells the person he’ll have someone bring it.

Do they think the guy was killed by EMP? Is the first inkling that they may need “the button?”

Miles goes to get his van, but Hurley is loading it up with lunch for the crew at The Orchid. Since that is where Miles is going he reluctantly lets Hurley tag along.

Kate goes back to the hospital and tells Juliet that Ben is with The Others. Roger shows up and freaks out to see Ben is gone. Juliet pretends that Ben disappeared while she wasn’t looking. Roger freaks out some more. He’s going to security.

“Well, here we go,” says Juliet.

On the way to The Orchid, Hurley is writing in a composition notebook. He wonders if Miles has farted. He is determined to find out what the bad smell is. Miles pulls over (why?) and Hurley finds the body bag. Miles tells Hurley that he’s Alvarez. Alvarez was digging a hole, and thinking about a girl named Andrea, when his filling blew through his head and killed him. When Hurley realizes that Miles can talk to the dead, he tells him that his secret is safe with him because Hurley can talk to the dead too.

Off the island, Miles is scamming some man who lost his son. He wants to know if his dead son knew he loved him. Miles says that his son always knew and then takes the man’s money. When Miles gets to his car, he’s approached by Naomi. Her employer is interested in his unique services. He follows her to a restaurant.

On the island, Kate sees Roger drinking on the swing set. She tries to comfort him by saying that she has a feeling Ben will be okay. Roger gets suspicious because Kate is stupid.

On their way to The Orchid, Miles can’t believe that Hurley can actually see the dead people he talks to. With Miles he only knows what they knew up until they died.

When they get to The Orchid, Dr. Chang is shitty that Hurley is there. Hurley opens his big mouth and says that he won’t tell anyone about the dead body. Chang tells him that if he does, he’ll have him shipped to Hydra Island where he’ll weigh polar bear turds for experiments. He orders the body taken inside and leaves. Hurley calls him a douche. Miles says, “That douche is my dad.”

Told you so! I called that from the opening of the season premiere.

Naomi takes Miles to an abandoned restaurant where there’s a dead body in the kitchen. She wants to know about him. Miles tells her the man was named Felix and he was on his way to deliver photos of empty graves and a purchase order for an old airplane to Widmore.

She tells him she’s leading an expedition to the island to look for a man. There are a bunch of dead bodies on the island that the man is responsible for. Miles says no… until she tells him he’ll be paid $1.6 million. Then he’s down for whatever.

Back on the island, Hurley wants to talk about the fact that Chang is Miles’ father. Miles doesn’t. He says he knew something was weird when he was on line for lunch and his mother got in line behind him. Chang wants them to take him to Radzinski.

Jack is cleaning up a classroom when Roger comes in. Jack is cleaning Roger’s rooms because he thought Roger might need a minute… you know, with the missing, shot, son. Roger voices his suspicions about Kate to Jack. Instead of talking him out of it, Jack admits that Kate is his friend and that she wouldn’t hurt Ben. Way to make him suspicious of BOTH OF YOU, Jack!

On the way to Radzinski, Hurley tries to get Chang to talk about his family. He points out that Miles has the same name as Chang’s son… which is his son. Chang seems kinda nice.

When they get there, Miles and Hurley wait in the van. One guy needs to know the serial number that goes on the hatch door. Hurley knows the last number. When Miles asks him how, Hurley says that they’re building the hatch that crashed their plane.

Off the island, Miles is walking down the street eating a fish taco (I really need to try one of those things!) when some guys in a van jump him and toss him in the van. Hey, it’s Jimmy Kimmel! He tells Miles that he doesn’t want to work for Widmore and he damn sure doesn’t want to take his ass to that island. He asks Miles if he knows what lies in the shadow of the statue. He doesn’t. He tells Miles that if he goes with them they can answer all his questions about his ability, his father, etc. Go with them!

Miles turns them down and they kick him to the curb… literally. Jimmy Kimmel tells him that he’s on the losing team and they speed off.

On the island, Hurley and Miles are headed back to camp and Hurley tells him that there will be an accident with the hatch they are building and they’ll have to install “the button.” Hurley thinks it’s great that Miles has a chance to get to know his Dad, but Miles doesn’t see it that way. He doesn’t want Hurley in his business. He snatches Hurley’s notebook and reads from it.

Hurley is writing The Empire Strikes Back… with a few improvements. He’s going to send it to George Lucas. Miles thinks it’s stupid. I think it’s hysterical.

Jack is at Juliet and Sawyer’s place when Sawyer gets home. He warns them that Roger is suspcious of Kate and leaves. Phil comes to Sawyer’s house and tells him that he knows who took Ben. He has the video. Sawyer invites him to explain and then knocks him out when he realizes that Phil hasn’t told anyone. He tells Juliet to get some rope.

Off the island, Miles goes back to the man he duped out of money. He admits that he lied about talking to his dead son. He tells the man that if he loved his son, he should have made sure his son knew when he was still alive. Dayum. That’s cold.

On the island, Hurley tells Miles about his issues with his father. He compares their Dad situations to Luke and Darth Vader. Hilarious! “Let’s face it, the Ewoks sucked, dude.”

Miles watches through the window as his father holds baby Miles. Hegot his little DI jumper on! How stinkin’ cute! Chang gets a call and kisses baby Miles before leaving. He sees big Miles and tells him they have to go meet a sub of scientists from Ann Arbor.

Dan is one of the scientists off the sub!

Next week, we get a Lost special. The tale of the Oceanic 6 from a whole new perspective.

Then we get a new episode, the 100th. Sides are chosen, some go, some fight. It’s on, bitches!

Thoughts, predictions, questions… share!

 

Lost Season 5 – Epis. 10 & 11: He’s Our You & Whatever Happened, Happened

Previously on Lost: Ben was sweating The Others even as a kid. Sayid worked for Ben when he was off the island, killing people he believed worked for Widmore. Back on the island, Sayid is captured by the Dharma Initiative. Young Ben befriends Sayid.

And now…

Tikrit, Iraq – As a boy, Sayid killed chickens without flinching. He makes his fat friend look like a pussy.

On the island – Young Ben brings Sayid more food and a book. (A Separate Reality by Carlos Castaneda) Ben wants to know if Richard sent Sayid. He says when he ran away four years ago, Richard told him to be patient and he could join them. He tells Sayid that if he’s patient too, he can help him.

When he was off the island, Sayid kills a man from Widmore’s organization. Ben tells him that he has killed them all and he’s free to go live his life.

Back on the island, Horace comes to see Sayid, but Sayid ain’t talking. He gives Sayid an hour to change his mind or they’re taking it to the next level. Oooh.

From their happy home, Juliet and Sawyer watch Kate and Jack from the window. She worries that life as they know it will be over once Sayid opens his mouth. Sawyer says that Sayid won’t blab. Horace comes over and says that Sayid ain’t talking and they’re gonna be forced to sic Oldham on Sayid. Sawyer wants a shot at him.

Sawyer goes to see Sayid alone, ordering the guard to leave. Sayid wants to know how Sawyer can live with a mini-Ben Linus. Sawyer says they have no choice. Sawyer tells Sayid that he’s lucky he spent the last three years getting himself into a position to help him now. He strikes Sayid and says they need to pretend he was interrogated and that Sayid needs to say he wants to defect from The Others. Sayid refuses.

Hurley is a cook on the island. Go figure. He joins Jack and Kate for breakfast. Kate and Hurley can’t believe Sawyer didn’t give up any info on a plan. Hurley breaks the news to Kate that Juliet and Sawyer are together-together. Like bumping uglies together.

Ben’s father, Roger the janitor, comes to clean up outside of Sayid’s cell. He wonders aloud how Sayid got caught. He figures that Sayid must be pretty dumb. Sayid is all, “At least I’m not a janitor.” Ben shows up with a sandwich and plays like it’s for his Daddy. Roger goes all Daddy Dearest on him ’cause he knows the sandwich is for Sayid.

Off the island, in Santo Domingo, Ben comes to see Sayid. He tells Sayid that John Locke is dead, probably murdered… ’cause you killed him, bastard! He tells Sayid that he might be in danger and that men are watching Hurley too. Sayid realizes that Ben wants him to kill the men watching Hurley. Sayid insists he doesn’t like killing.

Sawyer and the others come for Sayid and tazer him. I love a good tazin’, but not on Sayid! They take him to Oldham; a rednecky old coot. Sawyer tells Sayid, “He’s our you.” They tie Sayid to a tree and Oldham forces him to swallow a cube of sugar with some liquid on it. Oldham tells Sayid that no matter what, he will tell them the truth.

Sawyer shits his pants.

Off the island, at the marina, Sayid is pissed when he realizes that he, Sun, Kate, and Jack have gathered with Ben to discuss going back to the island. “If I see you again,” he tells Ben, “it will be unpleasant for us both.”

At a hotel bar, Sayid downs scotch that’s $120 bucks a glass. Damn. Murder pays well. Elana is seated at the bar too and starts coming on to him. He buys her a glass of the scotch. Yeah, murder pays real well.

On the island, the questioning begins. Sayid answers the questions honestly. He was in handcuffs on the plane because he’s a bad man. He tells them he has returned to the island. He tells them about the first crash. He also tells them what he knows about all the stations. That freaks Radzinski the hell out. Sayid then tells them that they are all going to die. When he tells them he’s from the future they think Oldham used too much of the drug.

Juliet shows Kate around the garage where they work on the vans. Juliet is relieved that Hurley told Kate about her and Sawyer because if she had done it, she knew it would sound like she was telling Kate to stay away. Which we all know is what she wants to say.

They then watch as Sawyer and crew lead Sayid back to his cell.

Sawyer notices Juliet and Kate talking.

The DI peeps have a come to Jesus meeting and Radzinski pushes for Sayid to be killed. Sawyer wants to talk to Sayid again, but Radzinski smells blood. He says they need to make a decision or he will call Ann Arbor and they will make it for them. Another reason I won’t take my black ass to Michigan. Amy pushes for the vote. She won’t feel safe with Sayid around. They vote and everyone, including Sawyer, vote to kill Sayid.

Sawyer, say it ain’t so!

Off the island, Sayid and Elana are about to get down and dirty in a hotel room. She suddenly starts beating his ass and pulls a gun on him. She was hired to bring him to Guam to answer for killing the guy on the golf course.

Back on the island, Sawyer goes to see Sayid again and tells him that they’re coming to kill him. Again Sayid refuses Sawyer’s plan to escape. Sayid says that he realizes he has a purpose for being back on the island. Frustrated, Sawyer leaves. He goes to see Kate. He wants to know why they came back to the island. She says she only knows why she came back. Before she can say, “I came back for your fine ass,” a van on fire plows into a house.

Kate  helps people escape from the house while Sawyer rushes to get the hoses going. Sawyer tells Jack that the trouble only started when they brought their asses back.

While this is going on, young Ben sneaks to see Sayid. He asks Sayid, “If I let you go, will you take me with you? To your people?” Sayid tells him yes.

Off the island, as Elana escorts Sayid through the airport, he notices Hurley, Kate, and Jack. He wants to take another plane, but Elana ain’t having it. Sayid sees Sun and knows shit ain’t right. He knows shit really ain’t right when he sees Ben. He asks Elana if she’s working for Benjamin Linus. She wants to know who Ben is. Sayid says he’s a monster, liar, etc. She wants to know why she’d work for someone like that. Sayid admits that he worked for Ben.

On the island, Sayid and Ben are running through the woods when they come across Jin in a van.

Sayid tells Jin that Sawyer let him go. Jin wants to call and check on this before letting Sayid go on, but Sayid knocks him out before he can. He then takes Jin’s gun and shoots Ben.

Damn, he was right. That was unpleasant.

He shoulda shot his ass more than once!

Whatever Happened, Happened

Previously on Lost: Sawyer finds out he has a daughter named Clementine. Kate, before ending up on the island the first time, encounters Sawyer’s baby mama. Kate pretends to be Aaron’s mother after leaving the island. She is threatened by someone who knows Aaron isn’t hers. Young Ben lets Sayid escape and gets a cap in his ass for his efforts.

And now…

Jin comes to and tells the DI people that Sayid is headed north. He then discovers that Ben is shot and puts him in the van. What? Let that little bastard die! And did he give up Sayid’s true direction?

Back at the DI camp, Horace says that someone must have set the fire to help Sayid escape. Jack is like, “How you know that?” And Horace pretty much tells him to shut up, newbie.

Kate helps Ben’s father, Roger, move the burnt out van from the house. She realizes that he’s Ben’s father. Jin shows up with an injured Ben. Roger freaks out.

Off the island, Kate takes Aaron to see Sawyer’s baby mama. She wants to know why Kate trusted her with the secret that Sawyer is still alive. She tells Kate that Sawyer is a coward. She also figures out that Kate isn’t Aaron’s Mommy.

Back on the island, Sawyer is looking at the surveillance cameras. Kate shows up and Sawyer tells Kate to scram before she messes everything up. Sure enough, Horace and crew shows up and Saywer acts like he was questioning Kate.

They realize that someone with janitor keys let Sayid out. There are only three janitors; some guy, Roger, and Jack. Sawyer and Miles leave to question Jack.

Sawyer tells Miles to get Jack, Kate, and Hurley and put them in a house and watch them. He goes to see how Ben is and realizes that Roger doesn’t have his janitor keys. Juliet tells Sawyer that she needs a real surgeon to stop Ben’s bleeding.

At the house, Miles tells Hurley, Jack, and Kate that Ben won’t die because he lived to be an adult. Sawyer shows up and says they need Jack, and if he doesn’t come, Ben will die. Jack refuses.

Later, Kate can’t believe Jack won’t save Ben. Jack says that he already saved Ben for Kate’s ass once, and he ain’t doing it again. Jack thinks that the island might just want to work shit out for itself. Kate doesn’t like the new Jack. Jack says you didn’t like the old Jack.

Kate goes to donate blood for Ben. She tells Juliet that she and Jack were engaged off the island after Juliet expresses confusion over Jack’s unwillingness to help Ben. Roger comes in and sits with Kate while Juliet checks on Ben.

Roger admits that Ben stole his keys to bust out Sayid because of him. Roger confides in Kate  how Ben’s mother died. Then Ben goes into shock.

Back at the house, Hurley has a hard time wrapping his brain around the fact that everything that is happening now, already happened. Miles keeps calling Hurley names.

Miles explains that when Ben turned the wheel time is no longer on a straight line. What follows is a bunch of time-travel mumbo jumbo that gives me a headache. Hurley does succeed in stumping Miles. He wants to know if everything has already happened, how come Ben doesn’t remember being shot by Sayid when he first meets him after the Oceanic crash. (Just like I wanted to know why Daniel didn’t remember telling Charlotte never to return to the island.)

Juliet tells Kate that Ben will die and Kate says they can’t let that happen. Juliet says that maybe there’s something The Others can do. Oooh, does this mean we get to see Richard’s fine ass? Please say yes.

Juliet and Kate sneak Ben into a van. Kate doesn’t want Juliet going with her. Juliet tells her that when Sawyer finds out, she will give Kate a head start.

Off the island, at the marina, Kate is pissed when she realizes they met with Ben to discuss going back to the island. She leaves with Aaron. They go to a supermarket because he’s thirsty. When Jack calls Kate on her cell, she takes her eyes off of Aaron briefly and he disappears. I would so beat Donny’s ass. She finds him with a woman that says she was taking Aaron for help.

On the island, Kate makes it to the security pylons when Sawyer shows up. He says he’s not there to stop her, he’s there to help her. And he calls her Freckles!!

Off the island, Kate goes back to Sawyer’s baby mama. Clementine calls her Auntie Kate. She tells the baby mama that Jack and the others want to go back. She also tells baby mama that as scared as she was when Aaron went missing, she also expected it. Baby mama tells Kate that Sawyer broke her heart so she took Aaron to fix it.

On the island, Sawyer disables the pylons. Sawyer says he is helping Ben for Juliet because she said that no matter what Ben grows up to be, it’s wrong to let a kid die. Sheeeit.

Juliet busts into the house and wants to see Jack who is in the shower. She makes Miles and Hurley leave. She confronts Jack for not helping Ben. Juliet says that Sawyer and Kate actually care and he doesn’t. He says that he cares, that’s why he came back. To save her. She says she didn’t need saving. She’s been playing house with Sawyer, and likes it! He says he came back because he was supposed to, but he doesn’t know why yet.

Sawyer and Kate carry Ben through the jungle. She tells Sawyer about Clementine. Sawyer tells Kate that they would have never worked out. He wasn’t fit to be her man or a Dad. Kate points out that he seems to be doing fine with Juliet. He says he’s grown up a lot in three years.

The Others show up and Sawyer tells them that they need to take Ben to Richard.

Off the island, Kate goes to see Clare’s mother. She tells her that Aaron is her grandson and that Clare is alive. Kate admits that she didn’t say anything sooner because she needed Aaron. Kate says that she told Aaron she’s his grandmother and that she will take care of him. Kate is going back to the island to find Clare.

As Kate cries over Aaron while he sleeps, I’m about to lose my shit… until Donny says, “It took her three years to feel like shit?”

Way to ruin the moment!

On the island, Sawyer brings Ben to Richard… who seems to appear out of nowhere. He also appears to still be young and sexy.

Kate asks if Richard can save Ben’s life. Richard kinda looks at Kate like he wants to eat her. Lucky girl. Richard says that if he takes Ben, he will never be the same. He won’t remember what happened, his innocence will be gone, and Ben will always be one of them.

Creepy.

“You still want me to take him?”

Kate says, “Yes.”

An other says that they need to ask Ellie (Daniel’s Mom?), and worries what will happen if Charles (Widmore) finds out… Damn, he looks like a young, and HOT, eyepatch guy. Richard says he doesn’t answer to either of them. Richard leaves with Ben and takes him to the temple where the smoke monster lives.

Older, current, Ben wakes up to find John staring at him.

Next week looks kickass!

 

Lost – Season 5, Epi.9: Namaste

The flight before the crash. Not the first flight, the second one.

(Remember when Sawyer and co. found some boats with water from an Indian airline? Wasn’t it the same airline?)

The co-pilot recognizes Hurley as an O6 member. Then all hell breaks loose. The flashy lights occur and it goes from night to day. The plane has no power. Lapidus is da shit! He brings that plane down on a makeshift runway on the island. Just call him Sully! His co-pilot gets a tree to the chest for his efforts.

Caesar wakes up Elana and she notices that Sayid is gone. Lapidus asks Sun where Jack, Kate, Sayid, and Hurley are. Ben states the obvious; they’re gone and he doesn’t know where either.

So, mystery #1: Why didn’t Ben and Sun disappear with everyone else? I can maybe understand Ben not going because I have a feeling he wasn’t a part of those “meant to go back,” and rather, was piggy-backing on everyone else’s trip. But, why not Sun?

Thirty Years Earlier...

Ah, so those left on plane are in current time. Well, current for the show. Three years after the original crash which would put them at 2007.

Anyway, thirty years earlier Sawyer is seeing Kate, Jack, and Hurley for the first time in three years. He calls Hurley “Kong.” Our first Sawyerism of the night. He doesn’t call Kate “Freckles.” Awwww.

Sawyer marvels over the fact that Locke actually did it. Jack tells him that Locke is dead, but doesn’t tell him how. That is why Jack is annoying. He is stingy with the info. Hurley wants to know why Sawyer and Jin are rocking the Dharma jumpsuits. Sawyer breaks the news that they’re in DI and that it’s 1977.

“Uh. What?,” says Hurley.

Hurley comments on Jin’s awesome English. Sawyer says they have to bring them in. When Jin realizes that Sun was on the plane, he hightails it to The Flame to find out from Razinski where the plane might be. Before Sawyer can go off to formulate a plan, Kate wants to know who else is still on the island…

Juliet goes to a station asking Miles if he has seen Sawyer. He finds him on a monitor. He’s back at his house. Juliet finds Sawyer going through the closet looking for clothes. He tells her about Jack and co. being back. He needs to figure out a way to bring them in, and Juliet reminds him that a sub is coming in that afternoon.

Jin has to grip Razinski up before he’ll check to see if a plane has landed on the island.

Thirty years later…

Elana asks Sun if she lost someone on the plane, but she says she was traveling alone. Lapidus tells everyone to hunker down. Caesar asks Lapidus where they are. How the frak is he supposed to know?! Lapidus says the island isn’t on his charts so he doesn’t know where they are. Caesar brings up the animal cages and buildings as if that is suddenly going to put the island on Lapidus’ chart. What that does, though, is let us know that they are not on the same island that the Oceanic flight crashed on. They’re on the other one where Ben and the Others first held Jack, Kate, and Sawyer.

Ben sneaks off when he realizes this. Sun follows.

Caesar suggests that they search the buildings for a radio and food. Yeah, you do that. I’ve already seen that show. It’s called Lost, season one.

Sun is a bad tracker ’cause Ben pulls an okey-doke and ends up behind her. She asks where he’s going and he says, “Back to our island. Wanna come?” Ho-hum.

Thirty years ago...

Amy is sleeping on a hammock when Juliet swipes the sub manifest. She tells Amy she doesn’t have to work that day. Amy says that two of the recruits dropped out at the last minute because they didn’t want to take the submarine. Juliet asks if they’ve decided on a name for the baby yet. They have. Ethan.

I totally called that three weeks ago.

Juliet hands Amy the baby.

“Here, take this little bastard.”

OK, mystery #2: Ben helps The Others kill off all the DI people eventually. The Others take over the DI set up. I’ve never understood how that flew with the people back in the US (or wherever) running the DI. Did they not notice that everyone except Ben died? Did they not wonder who were all these new people suddenly living in their camps and operating their stations? Also, if Ethan was born to two DI members, why wasn’t he killed with everyone else? Donny reminded me that the Others liked to snatch children. Did they take, and raise, Ethan?

Back at the north point, Jack admits that Eloise Hawkin forgot to mention they’d be going back to the island in the disco era. Sawyer comes back with the clothes and explains that they’ll have to pretend they are new recruits coming in on the sub. They would have been sedated before the trip, so no one would have met them beforehand. Jack is hesitant, but Sawyer explains that there isn’t another group of recruits scheduled for six months. Either they do it now, or they’re camping in the woods for six months. They decide to go with Sawyer’s plan. He tells them that Jin will find their plane.

At the Flame, Razinski tells Jin there was no plane. He does get a signal that a hostile tripped a motion sensor inside their perimeter and Jin takes off. It’s Sayid! Jin asks about Sun, but Sayid doesn’t know where she is. Before they can talk further, Razinski shows up and Jin has to play along. He tells Sayid to shut up, or he’s dead. Sayid looks at him like he’s bumped his head.

Did anyone else notice that some of the monitors in The Flame were tuned to TV shows?

In the van, on the way to the DI camp, Hurley reminds Sawyer that the DI gets wiped out. Sawyer says he’s not there to warn them or change anything. He says that Daniel has interesting theories on what can and can’t be done. Jack asks about Daniel, and Sawyer says he’s not there anymore.

Mystery #3: What up with that?

At the camp, Sawyer drops Jack and co. off at the Processing Center, and tells them to act groggy from the trip. They should watch a little video and then wait for their names to be called. Juliet added them to the list. Hurley wants to know what they should do if someone asks them questions like who the president is. What he needs to be concerned with is whether or not they had to pass a physical. Then, he’d be shit outta luck.

Miles shows up. He’s surprised to see Jack and co. He tells Sawyer about the hostile Jin found. Sawyer gets Jin on the walkie and finds out that the hostile is Sayid.

Thirty years later…

Ben knows that there are three outriggers near where they are and he’s gonna take one back to the main island. Lapidus shows up and says he followed when he saw Ben leave. When Sun says she’s going with Ben, Lapidus wonders if she can trust him. Sun doesn’t have a choice. Lapidus follows along.

When they reach the boats, Lapidus reminds Sun that a boatload of commandos came to the island for Ben.

Ben starts going on about the dock across the water and the camp it leads to. There are resources there that can help those from the plane. Before he can blow more smoke, Sun knocks him over the head with an oar. I always find it funny when people seem to hit someone with just the right amount of force, and in just the right spot, to knock them out and not kill them or simply annoy them. For once, I’d like to see someone get hit, and instead of passing out go, “Oww! Whatcha do that for?!”

Thirty years ago…

Jack gets called for check-in. Peter Chang, from the orientation videos, is checking him in. He tells Jack that, according to his aptitude test, Jack is pretty much a janitor.

Kate is approached by one of the security guys who can’t find her name on the list. When he gets suspicious, Juliet swoops in to save the day with a list from Amy with last minute additions. I bet she did that shit on purpose.

Sawyer shows up and Razinski wants to kill Sayid. He’s worried that Sayid saw the model of The Swan and where they plan to build it. We get our second Sawyerism, he calls Razinski “Quickdraw.” When Sawyer questions Sayid he hints to him that he should admit he’s a hostile so that, according to the truce, they won’t have the right to shoot him. Not being a dummy, Sayid plays along. Razinski looks disappointed. Sawyer says they’re taking Sayid to the barracks, and Razinski says he’s coming to. It’s obvious that Razkinski’s an ole bitch-ass.

Thirty years later…

Sun and Lapidus arrive at the other island at night. As they approach the jungle, you can hear the click-click noise of the smoke monster and the trees shift. Sun lies her ass off saying it’s probably an animal. Lapidus doesn’t buy it.

They get to the DI camp and it’s deserted and jacked up.

If this is 2007, is the camp messed up because the last time we saw it, Ben called the smoke monster to jack things up?

The whispers come and a light comes on in one of the houses. Christian Shepard appears and Sun asks if he knows where her husband is. He tells them to follow.

Christian take Sun and Lapidus to the processing center and shows them a picture of Hurley, Kate, and Jack as new recruits back in 1977.

Thirty years earlier…

Jack and co. get their picture taken and are told to make themselves at home. Don’t drink the kool-aid!

Sawyer arrives with Sayid in cuffs and takes him to the barracks.

That night, Jack goes to Sawyer’s house and finds Juliet there. I don’t think it sunk in what she was doing there. Sawyer is chillin’ and reading a book. Jack wants to know what they’re gonna do next and what they’re gonna do about Sayid. Sawyer says he’s handling it and Jack says it looks like he’s reading a book. Sawyer says that’s how he rolls. He reads and thinks, and unlike Jack’s way, it doesn’t get people killed. He tells Jack to go home and chill and let him handle his damn business.

When he steps outside, he sees Kate and suddenly he ain’t all hardass. He’s all mushed-face and cute with those damn dimples you just wanna stick your fingers in, or maybe your tongue, oh sorry….

Anyway, some kid comes to the barracks to bring Sayid some food. With his sick hostile fascination, you just know it’s Ben. It is. It’s totally bug-eyed Ben.

Lost – Season 5 Epi. 8: LaFleur

Previously on Lost: Daniel explains that the island is dislodged from time after Ben spun the donkey wheel. Charlotte dies after the last flashy lights. Locke tells Sawyer that he has to bring back the O6 in order to get the flashy lights to stop.

And now…

Sawyer holds on to the rope after Locke dropped down into the well and the flashy lights stopped. He’s freaking out and Juliet says that whenever they are is before the well was built. Miles points out it must be way before and points to the big statue!

In season two, this is all we’d seen of the staute:

We get to see it from the back this time, and damn it’s both awesome and creepy as hell!

What is that in it’s hands? Who is it a statue of? Jacob? Locke? Sexy ass Richard? AGH!

We are backtracked a bit as Locke spins the wheel. The last of the flashy lights occur taking Locke off the island. The well is back, but it’s closed up with rocks and debris. Everyone comments that the last flashy lights thing felt different and they don’t feel sick afterwards. They realize that whenever they are, they are there to stay and Sawyer says they will wait for their friends to return for as long as it takes.

Ok, so Ben turning the wheel started the time movement and then the wheel was stuck. Locke spinning it again moved the island in time again and it also corrected the problem of time jumping because the wheel isn’t stuck anymore? We know that when he travels he ends up 3 years after the O6 left the island and that it only took him a short while to get the O6 to come back.

Anyway…

Three years later, in one of the Dharma stations a guy named Jerry is dancing with a girl. His partner comes in and says if LaFleur finds out they’re in there dancing, he’s gonna be pissed. They notice someone on the monitors out by the security poles throwing dynamite. They tell the girl to leave. They don’t want to wake LaFleur at 3a.m. to tell him about Horace (dynamite guy), but they know he’ll be pissed if they don’t. They rush to LaFleur’s house. LaFleur is Sawyer! He grabs his Dharma jumpsuit labeled, “LaFleur – Head of Security” and rushes out.

Sawyer (I ain’t calling him LaFleur) picks up Miles from his house and they head off to get Horace. Sawyer says they’re gonna keep it on the downlow that Horace is off drunk by the security pylons. He leaves Miles to put out the small fire Horace caused with the dynamite while he takes Horace (who is passed out) home to Amy.

Amy and Horace had a fight. Amy is really pregnant. They fought about Paul. Before she can say more, she goes into labor.

Three years earlier, Sawyer, Juliet, Jin, and Miles come across Daniel mumbling in the woods. He keeps saying that he’s not gonna do it, he’s not gonna tell her. Charlotte is dead, he tells them. Her body disappeared with the last flash. Daniel confirms that wherever they are, they’re there for good.

Sawyer wants to head back to the beach figuring that’s where Locke will show up when he gets back with the others. Miles thinks it’s a dumb plan, but he follows anyway. Juliet has Sawyer’s back, even though she agrees it’s a dumb plan. They’re headed to the beach when they hear gunshots.

They come across two men holding a woman at gunpoint. They put a sack over her head. There’s a dead man on the ground next to picnic stuff. Miles debates whether they should get involved and Daniel is kinda indifferent; whatever happened, already happened.

Sawyer approaches and Juliet has his back. One of the men turns to shoot Sawyer, but Juliet takes him out. Sawyer pauses long enough to look at his gun like, “Did I do that?,” and almost gets shot again! He recovers from his stupidity long enough to kill the guy first. When they remove the sack from the woman’s head its Amy! (Reiko from One Life to Live! She was also on 24.)

“Who are you people?,” she wants to know.

Based on their jumpsuits, Juliet figures they’re in the time of the Dharma folks in the 70′s or 80′s. Before her time. Amyfreaks out because the truce between The Others and the DI has been broken. They have to bury The Others before they leave and take the dead guy’s (her husband Paul) body back to the DI camp.

As they head there, Sawyer says he’s gonna convince the DI people they were on a boat to Tahiti when they crashed. Juliet stops Daniel from walking through the security pylons. Juliet demands that Amy turn them off. At first she pretends she doesn’t know what Juliet means, but eventually shuts them off. She walks through them first to prove they are safe. When the rest walk through, they are overcome with the sound and pass out. Amy takes ear plugs out of her ears.

Three years later...

Amy is giving birth, but the baby is breached. They don’t know what to do because the women always deliver on the mainland and Amy is two weeks early. Sawyer rushes off to a garage of some sort where Juliet and others are working on vans. Juliet is scared to try and help Amy because the other women she tried to help have babies on the island died. Sawyer says that maybe what caused that hasn’t happened yet. Juliet agrees to help.

Sawyer steps outside the delivery room and meets up with Jin. They’ve apparently been looking for signs of their friends return all this time, but Jin tells him they didn’t find anything that day. Juliet delivers the baby boy successfully. Wonder who he’ll grow up to be???

Three years ago…

Sawyer wakes up at the DI camp and Horace grills him about what they’re doing on the island. Sawyer lies about them being shipwrecked on their way to Tahiti. He says they were on a salvage ship searching for the old slave ship, “The Black Rock.” Sawyer claims they are looking for some of their friends that were with them. Horace says they will be put on a sub leaving the island tomorrow and if their friends show up, they’ll send them on after them.

Outside, Juliet tells Miles and the rest that in the future, she lived in one of the houses at the camp for three years. Miles asks if she were DI and she tells him that The Others took over the DI camp after killing most of the DI people living there. She was brought over by sub after that. Jin confirms with Daniel that there’s no more flash. Daniel says the record is spinning, but they’re not on the song they want to be on. He then sees Charlotte as a little girl. He stares her and I really hope this doesn’t get weird.

Touched by a Daniel

Sawyer starts to tell them about the sub taking them to Tahiti when an alarm sounds. Everyone starts running indoors and Horace ushers them to a house. They look out the window and see Richard Alpert stroll up looking all young and sexy. Again.

“Uh oh, ” Sawyer says.

Horace meets Richard. Richard mentions that the security pylons can’t keep them (the Others) out. Richard wants to know where his two men are. Horace comes in the house and asks Sawyer how well they buried the bodies. Cause if Richard finds those bodies, it’s ON! Sawyer insists on going out there to talk to Richard.

When he does, he admits that he killed his two men. He explains what happened and says it was self defense. Richard wants to know if his people know that Sawyer is telling him this. Sawyer admits that he’s not with the DI. He then asks about the Jughead bomb, and tells him he knows about Locke approaching him 20 years ago claiming to be their leader before he disappeared. Sawyer says he’s waiting for Locke to come back.  Richard believes that Sawyer isn’t with the DI, but his people will still need justice for their two men.

Horace asks Amy if they can give up Paul to The Others, but says that if she doesn’t want to, they are willing to suffer the consequences. She asks for a minute alone with Paul’s body before allowing him to be taken. She takes a necklace with an ankh (Egyptian symbol, Egyptian looking statue… hmmm) on it from his body. Horace says that Sawyer and his friends can stay for two weeks longer, until the sub returns, and look for their friends.

Sawyer goes to the pier and tells Juliet. Juliet says that she’s going to leave on the sub the next day. She has spent 3 years on the island and wants off. Saywer says it’s 1974 and that whatever she thinks is out there, isn’t. He doesn’t want her to go. She agrees to stay for the two weeks that the sub will be gone.

Three years later…

Sawyer is walking around the DI camp all comfortable and stuff. He picks a flower and enters a house. Juliet is cooking. They’re all kissy kissy and lovey lovey! Nooooo! I don’t want Sawyer to be with anybody but me. Did I say that out loud?  They’re in love and Sawyer is semi-clean shaven. I don’t like this at all. (Even though I totally told Donny at the end of last season that Sawyer and Juliet would hook up.)

Sawyer is with Horace when he awakens from his drunken slumber. Sawyer tells him that Amy gave birth. Horace admits that he and Amy fought over Paul’s necklace that he found in her drawer. He wonders if three years is enough time to get over someone and if Amy really loves him. Sawyer says he loved a girl once that he couldn’t stop thinking about. Now, three years later, he can barely remember what she looks like.

The next morning, Juliet and Sawyer are in bed when he gets a call from Jin. He rushes out to meet Jin who arrives in a Dharma van with Jack, Hurley, and Kate.

Thoughts:

1. Where the hell was Daniel in 1977? We know he had to be around. We know he’s there when the donkey wheel is discovered.

2. If the whole length of time exposed to the island determined the order in which the nosebleeds start thing was true, we have to assume that if Miles younger self isn’t already on the island, he will be soon because Charlotte was already there in 1974.

3. It still doesn’t make sense to me how Charlotte could have a memory of Daniel telling her not to go to the island before it even happened… UNLESS, she got that memory just as Locke left and him leaving was all that was needed to set them on the course to be on the island in the 70′s, but that’s a stretch.

4. It would seem like what they said last week was accurate. The O6 returning wasn’t about stopping the island from jumping, it’s about them being integral to whatever shit is about to go down when this “war” starts. Because it seems that Ben leaving the island via wheel is what started the jumping, and Locke doing the same stopped it.

5. Richard Alpert in the 50′s = nice clothes. Richard Alpert in 1974 = nice clothes. Richard Alpert years later when Ben meets him in woods = Tarzan. Why?

6. At the start of the season, the Asian doctor was making the video for The Arrow’s orientation. He said to the person, “Given your level of expertise…” Who was that video for? Sawyer as LeFleur, someone else? The Arrow is obviously about defense per the name and tonight’s episode. Also, he mentioned in the video the island’s, “hostile and indigenous people.”

What do you have?

Lost Season 5 Epi. 7: The Life and Death of Jeremy Bentham

Previously on Lost: Richard Alpert (with his fine ass) tells Locke he has to leave the island (and die) in order to convince the O6 to come back. Locke breaks his leg before turning the donkey wheel and Christian tells Locke he has to find Eloise Hawking in order to come back.

And now…

The guy who gave Jack his condolences, and was on the plane, last week is snooping around an office of some kind. He finds old issues of Life magazine and breaks into a filing cabinet. There he finds a map of the island and other papers. He pockets a mini-shotgun he finds under a desk. The federal agent, Elana, that was escorting Sayid comes in and asks what he put in his bag. He tosses her a flashlight and pretends that’s what he found.

She tells him there’s a man on the beach, that wasn’t on the plane, and wasn’t one of the people who disappeared. They walk past the crashed plane and come to find a bunch of people on the beach at night where a fire is lit. Caesar, the snoopy guy, asks the hooded man his name. It’s Locke!

It’s now morning and Locke is staring out at the ocean. Elana offers him a mango. Locke asks if the two boats on the beach are hers and she says no, and that there used to be three but the pilot and some woman took off in one in the middle of the night. I’m betting that’s Sun. Locke asks for a passenger list and she refers him to Caesar. Locke bites into the mango and says it’s the best mango he’s ever eaten.

Wanting to cut to the chase, Elana tells him that no one remembers him being on the plane. She wants to know why he’s dressed up so nicely. Um, really? That’s the best question you can come up with? Locke tells her that he believes it’s the suit he was going to be buried in. He remembers dying. She shakes her head with a look of, “white boy crazy,” on her face and walks away.

Flashback to after Locke spins the wheel. He wakes up in Tunisia, still hurt, and vomiting. There’s a surveillance camera trained on the spot he woke up on. He asks for help. It’s hard to move with a bone sticking out of your leg. At night, some men arrive in a truck and carry Locke off. They take him to a hospital where he’s restrained and force to bite down on a piece of wood while his leg is reset. He passes out, but before he does, he sees the black guy that was his orderly in the hospital when he lost use of his legs. We also know him as the guy who approached Hurley in the mental hospital wanting to know if the others were still alive on the island.

Charles Widmore is at Locke’s bedside and wakes him up. He says he had a specialist come in and treat Locke. Widmore says he met Locke when he was 17 and all these years later, Locke hasn’t changed. He asks Locke how long has it been since he met him at their camp and he spoke to Richard. It’s been four days for Locke.

The camera was Widmore’s and he placed it there because that’s the exit from the island. He was afraid Ben would fool Locke into leaving the island as he had with Widmore. Widmore was the leader of The Others and they protected the island peacefully for over three decades. Widmore says he was exiled by Ben, just like Locke.

Locke is all, “Slow yo roll. I wasn’t exiled nowhere. I chose to leave.”

Widmore wants to know why and assumes that Locke wants to bring back his friends. Locke lies and says that’s not true. Widmore knows it’s a lie and tells Locke that his friends have been off the island for three years and lying about the island. He swears to do everything in his power to help Locke get them back because there’s a war coming and if Locke isn’t back on the island when that happens, the wrong side is going to win.

It’s ON!

Widmore supplies Locke with a fake ID (Jeremy Bentham), and money. He has info on where all the O6 are and admits to watching them for three years.  Locke still doesn’t trust Widmore, but Widmore counters that he has never tried to kill Locke. Ben has. Locke is all, “True dat.”

He tells Locke that he’s special.  Widmore tells Locke that he doesn’t know why Richard Alpert (with his fine ass) told Locke he had to die, but Widmore isn’t going to let that happen.

Matthew Abaddon, the black guy from earlier, arrives and Widmore says he’s there to take Locke wherever he needs to go and to protect him.

He better not be messing with Locke. He’s one of my favorite characters and I’m sick of people taking advantage of him. First his father, then Ben, now Widmore…

Matthew tells Locke that if there’s anything he needs, just ask. He offers to look up someone for Locke, but Locke asks him not to talk. Wow. Didn’t take him long to get all bourgie, did it? He tells Matthew they’re going to Santo Domingo.

In Santo Domingo, Sayid is working for some sort of organization that builds houses. When Locke approaches him, Sayid refuses to go back. He says for two years he was manipulated by Ben into thinking he was protecting those on the island. Sayid says that leaving the island made it so that he could marry his true love and spend nine months with her and then she was murdered. Sayid wonders if Locke only wants to go back because he has nowhere else to go. He tells Locke if he changes his mind, he can come back to Santo Domingo and do some real good.

In New York City, Locke and Matthew are in the car watching a building when Locke asks him to look up Helen (his old girlfriend.) Matthew helps Locke out of the car as Walt gets out of school. Matthew remarks that Walt has gotten big. That’s an understatement.

Walt asks about Michael and Locke says that the last he heard his Dad was on a freighter near the island. Ok, that’s sad. Walt tells Locke he’s had dreams about Locke being on the island in a suit and surrounded by people that wanted to hurt him. Locke tells him those are just dreams. They say goodbye and Locke tells Matthew he didn’t invite Walt to go back because he has been through enough.

Matthew tells Locke he’s 0 for 2. Locke says he only needs to convince one and then reminds Matthew his only job is to shut the hell up and drive. PIMP.

In Santa Rosa, California – Locke approaches Hurley outside the mental hospital. “So, you didn’t make it, huh?” He thinks Locke is dead. Once he realizes that Locke is indeed alive, he flips out. He refuses to go back to the island. Then he notices that Matthew is watching from the parking lot. He tells Locke not to trust him and freaks out. He goes back inside.

Poor Locke.

Matthew warns Locke that he has to step up his game or they are all in trouble. When Locke asks what it is that Matthew does for Widmore, Matthew is all, “Oh, so now you wanna let a brother talk, huh?” He asks if Locke is really going to act like he doesn’t remember that he was the orderly that took care of Locke when he lost the use of his legs and that he was the one that told Locke to go on the walkabout that put him on the plane that crashed on the island. Matthew says he helps people get to where they need to get to.

Los Angeles – In Kate’s home, she tells Locke no. She’s not going back. Even if it means they are going to die. Kate says that she realized Locke wanted to stay on the island so badly because he never loved anyone.

Locke corrects her silly ass and says that he did love someone, Helen and it didn’t’ work out. He says he was angry and obsessed. “Look how far you’ve gotten.” Boy, she’s a raggedy ass this episode, ain’t she?

Outside, Locke wants to know why Matthew hasn’t yet found Helen. Matthew says it’s been difficult, but Locke says if you can find Sayid’s ass out in West Nowhere, you can find Helen. Matthew takes Locke to Helen’s grave. She died of a brain aneurysm. Damn!

Matthew tells Locke that his path is to go back to the island. As Matthew loads the wheelchair in the trunk, and Locke sits in the backseat, he is shot several times. Locke scoots his ass in the front seat with the quickness and takes off. He gets into a crash.

Locke wakes up in a hospital with Jack by his bedside. Jack wants to know what he’s doing there. Locke wants to know how Jack found him. He tells Locke he was in an accident and brought to his hospital. Locke tells Jack they have to go back and that it was fate that he was brought to Jack’s hospital. Jack accuses Locke of having delusions of being special. DAMN!

Locke says, “Your father says hello.” He tells Jack that the man who told him to move the island and to bring them back was named Christian and he told Locke to say hello to his son. He figures that by process of elimination, the son has to be Jack. Jack flips out and tells Locke to leave them all alone.

At his hotel room, Locke prepares his suicide note and gets ready to hang himself. He’s just about to when Ben shows up and stops him. He says he found Locke because he has people watching everyone from the island and he was called when Locke showed up. Ben says he’s trying to protect Locke and admits that he killed Matthew. Ben says that Widmore is the dangerous one and that he was just using Locke. He tells Locke that he’s important and that he can’t kill himself.

Ben tells Locke that Jack booked a ticket to Australia, so he must have gotten to him, and if he got to Jack then the others will follow. He convinces Locke to step down so that he can go back to the island and do the work he was meant to do.

I smell a rat! He’s going to kill him, and then I’m gonna beat Ben’s ass.

Ben suggests they start with Sun since Locke hasn’t been to see her yet. Locke says that he promised Jin he wouldn’t bring Sun back and Ben seems surprised that Jin is alive. (Why would he be surprised? Oh, he knows the freighter blew up.) Anyway, after Locke tells him about Eloise Hawking, Ben kills him. I told you!

Ben sets up the room to look as if Locke killed himself. He wipes his prints off the room (which leads me to think his prints would come up if ran), and says that he’s going to miss Locke. Wasn’t gonna miss him enough not to kill him! Bastard.

Back on the island, Caesar is looking through some Dharma papers in what we now know is an office in one of the stations on the island. Locke comes in and tells him that the DI were an organization doing experiments on the island. Locke admits that he spent 100 days on the island, but doesn’t remember how he got back.
Caesar tells Locke about a big guy with curly hair and other people disappearing on the plane. Locke asks for the passenger list, but Caesar says the pilot took it when he ran off. He tells Locke that everyone is accounted for except those that disappeared. And there are others that are hurt. Caesar takes Locke to a room where various people are on beds all banged up. On the last bed Locke sees someone familiar.

“You know him?”

“Yeah. He’s the man who killed me.”

God, I hope Locke beats dat ass.

Questions: The time travel stuff should stop now that they’ve returned right? We assumed that last week Jin was in the early Dharma days because the van looks new, but then wouldn’t that mean that the returning O5 are in that time period now? And then that would mean Caesar, Elana, and the others are as well because they saw the pilot, and who I’m assuming is Sun, before they snuck off with the boat. What sense would that be to have them all now trapped in whatever time period the island happened to be in when the flight to Guam went through the window? I think it’s more likely that at some point, Jin was in the pass and got the uniform, gun, van, and then those things went with him on the next time jump.

Also, if Widmore knows about Eloise Hawking, and wants to know where the island is so badly, why hasn’t he just hoped on one of the flights on her list?

Your questions, theories, and thoughts are welcomed below.

Lost – Season 5 Epi. 6: 316

Previously on Lost: Ben tells Jack they must bring everyone back to the island to save the others. Well, not the others others, but the others. Kate is salty that Jack brought her to Ben. Sayid ain’t tryna hear it either. Jin blows up, but not really. Ben convinces Sun that Jin is alive.

And now…

Jack wakes up on the ground surrounded by trees. Heeeeee’s back. (Lost sure does love starting an episode with a close-up eye shot. They’ve done it many times.) Anyway, Jack has a ripped piece of paper in his hands which he tosses when he hears someone calling for help. He takes off through the jungle. He finds Hurley’s big ass drowning in murky water. He jumps in to save him. He finds Kate unconscious and wakes her up. She wants to know what happened.

Yeah, so do I!

46 Hours Earlier: Ben, Desmond, Sun, and Jack arrive at the church and meet Eloise. She takes them to a basement room with a map on the floor and this huge pendulum swinging over it. There are supercomputers and file cabinets along the walls.  There’s a board with longitudes and latitudes cycling through.

The Dharma Initiative called this place the Lamppost. It’s how they found the island.

And we have credits… or that half-ass thing Lost calls credits.

Jack wants to know if Ben knew about the Lamppost. He says no. Jack asks Eloise if Ben is telling the truth. “Probably not.” LOL

Eloise explains that the room was constructed years ago over a pocket of electromagnetic energy. It’s connected to similar pockets all over the world. But the people who built the room where only interested in one; the island. They desperately tried to find it. Then a very clever fellow built the pendulum under the theoretical notion that they stop looking for where it was supposed to be, but look where it was going to be. He presumed, correctly, that the island was always moving. This man and his team developed equations that could predict where the island was going to be in time; windows that open and close after short periods of time.

Desmond is like, “Say what? You fools tryna go back?”

Sun, “Yes. Why are you here?”

Desmond says he’s just there to deliver a message to Eloise from her son, Daniel Faraday (who I suspect built the pendulum.) Desmond is pacing and ranting. Eloise tells him the island isn’t done with him. He lost four years of his life because of her and that island and he ain’t going, he yells.

He pretty much tells Elosie, and the island, to kiss his ass before storming out.

Was anyone else waiting for the giant pendulum to knock Desmond out his shoes?

Eloise tells Jack that they have to be on a plane from Los Angeles to Guam that will be leaving soon and passing through the window. They need to recreate the same circumstances and have as many of the same people on the flight.

“That’s it,” Jack wants to know. “We just get on that flight?”

“No, that’s not it. At least not for you.”

dun. Dun. DUN!

Eloise takes Jack into an office and hands him an envelope with his name on it. It’s Locke’s suicide note. John is going to be a proxy, a substitute for Jack’s father (who was dead, in a coffin, on the original flight.) Jack needs to get something that belonged to Jack’s father and give it to John. It’s like something old, something new, something from your dead alkie Daddy. Jack goes on angst-filled rant… ’cause you know, he got Daddy issues. Eloise tells him to man-up and just do it.

Jack returns to the church to find Sun gone. Ben tells Jack he has a friend looking after Locke’s body and that he’ll pick it up on the way to the airport. Ben then tells Jack the story of Thomas the apostle who had suggested he and the others go with Jesus to Judeah (did I spell that right? I’m a heathen) so that they might die with Jesus, but he wasn’t remembered for that. He was remembered for refusing to believe in the resurrection and needing to touch Jesus’ wounds to be convinced. He tells Jack, “We are all convinced sooner or later.” Ben goes to leave and Jack wants to know where he’s going.

“I made a promise to an old friend of mine. Just a loose end that needs tying up.”

He’s going to kill Penny. I bet you. He promised Widmore he would.

Jack is sitting in a bar contemplating a drink when he gets a call. His grandfather tried to escape from an old folks’ home.

Zzzzzz.

This whole scene is boring. Who is this grandfather? Why did they spring him on us now? Why should we care? Oh, ’cause he has Jack’s father’s shoes and now Jack has something of his Dad’s he can give to John. Convenient and grody.

Jack goes home to find Kate there. She won’t tell him where Aaron is, and says that he can never ask. He doesn’t question this foolishness ’cause she’s also willing to give up the butt. Ugh. What does he see in her narrow ass?

The next morning Jack makes Kate breakfast and I’m bored. He tells her about giving his Dad those cheap-ass white sneakers to wear to his own funeral. The phone rings and they’re all blushy and acting like they’ve never done it before. Hello!? Can we get to the good stuff?

Ben calls from the marina. He’s all bloody and stuff. I told you. He killed/or tried to kill Penny.

Donny: If he killed Penny, Desmond definitely isn’t going back because of the baby.

Nina: Unless he killed the baby too.

Donny: That’s just fucked up.

Nina: That’s Ben.

Ben needs Jack to pick up Locke’s body from the butcher shop. While the butcher lady, Jill, gets the van ready, Jack puts his Daddy’s shoes on Locke. Which makes no sense since even Jack’s Daddy didn’t have the damn shoes. But I guess he needs some kind of item(s) that belonged to Christian. Jack gives Locke his note back. Jack is always so ugly to Locke. Even in death, he’s being a bastard to him.

Jack checks into the flight and explains that Locke’s body is with him. It’s his friend. A suspicious looking dude gives his condolences. Jack sees Kate at the airport and then runs into Sun. She says that if there’s even a small chance that Jin is alive, she has to go. They see Sayid, in handcuffs, being escorted onto the plane by a federal agent of some sort. I don’t get the handcuffs/agent part. Hurley is there too. He has bought up 78 tickets to stop more people from getting on to the same flight. He’s really tossing his weight around. Get it? Tossing his… ’cause he’s fat… never mind.

Jack wants to know how Hurley knew about the flight, but he tells him it only matters that he’s there. Sayid looks surprised to see Jack. And why is everyone acting like they don’t know each other? Hurley boards with a guitar case and I somehow think Charlie had something to do with him being there. Hurley loses his shit when he sees Ben.

“He can’t be here!!!”

“Who told you to be here, Hugo?”

Charlie. That’s who. I bet you.

The flight attendant says they found something that belongs to Jack and hands him the envelope with the suicide note. Creepy! Jack asks Ben what’s going to happen to the other people on the flight.

“Who cares?” Best line of the night.

The pilot is the helicopter pilot, Lapedus, from the island! He’s surprised to see Jack, but downright dismayed when he sees Sayid, Kate, Hurley, and Sun.

“We’re not going to Guam, are we?”

OK, THAT was the best line of the night.

Later in the flight, Ben is reading a book and Jack asks, “How can you read?”

“My mother taught me.”

Jesus! They’re on fire tonight!

Slow plot is forgiven for kickass dialogue.

Jack wants to know if Ben knew that Locke killed himself. He said he didn’t. Jack tells him about John’s note and how it feels like Locke needs him to read it. Ben wonders if Jack feels guilty about John’s death and that’s why he doesn’t want to read it. He then gives Jack some privacy so he can read it, and possibly cry like a bitch, in private.

The note reads, “J. I wish you had believed me… then maybe I wouldn’t be dead right now in your Daddy’s old shoes. J.L.”

OK, so I added that last part about being dead in the shoes. But you could totally read that between the lines. The plane starts to experience turbulence. And everyone gets this, “Here we go again” look on their faces. The plane is in distress, everyone fastens their seatbelts, and then there’s the flashy time travel lights.

On the island we see Jack rescue Hurley and Kate again. They look around and there’s no sign of Sun, Ben, or Sayid.  Suddenly, they hear a car coming and I just know it’s the Dharma van. It is! The driver gets out where Dharma Initiative overalls and holds them at gun point. It’s Jin!

Share your thoughts, theories and predictions below!

Lost Season 5, Epi 5: This Place Is Death

Previously on Lost: Some lawyer threatens to take Aaron away from Kate ’cause she not that baby’s mama, and Ben admits to being behind it. Charlotte gets more ill with every time jump. The survivors try to make their way to The Orchid and Jin, who’s alive, meets Danielle Rousseau.

And now…

Sun watches as Ben meets with Jack, Kate and Sayid at the pier. She gets a call from her baby girl in Korea. “Mama, come home.” “I will be home soon. I made a new friend for you. His name is Aaron.” “Like I care ’bout some white boy in America. Bring your ass home!” OK, I’m paraphrasing. She hangs up, grabs her chocolate box gun, and approaches Ben.

“Move away, Kate.”

“What are you doing here? And where my baby at?”

“He’s in the car. Now move so I can bust a cap in Ben’s ass.”

Sun blames Ben for killing Jin, but Ben claims that Jin is alive and he can prove it.

Doh!

Back on the island, Jin can barely believe his eyes. Danielle confirms that it’s 1988. Jin wants to go find his camp, but the French people want to find the radio tower so they can get a signal to call for help. He agrees to lead them to the tower, and then he wants to find his camp in the hopes that the helicopter carrying Sun went there. Yeah, there and all the way back to 1988.

They head through the jungle and one of the French guys is extremely prickish and obnoxious. Even for a Frenchmen. They notice that one of their party, a woman named Nadine, is missing. They only notice her ass is missing cause she was carrying the water.

UH OH! Smoke monster is coming!

And we have credits… well, that one word Lost title with the spooky music that passes for credits.

The French people want to go find Nadine and Jin is all , “Bump that noise. We gotta get outta here.” And Le Asshole tells him to shut up. I hope Le Asshole gets eaten first. They start to split up to find Nadine. “Brennan. Lacombe. You go thatta way.” “Clinique. Croissant. You go this way.”

Now, didn’t Jin tell them a monster was coming? Why are they yelling out, “Nadine! Nadine!?” Dummies. Apparently, white people all over the world are the same.

The smoke monster drops Nadine’s ass right in front of them. “You want her? You got her.” NOW they want to run. Le Smoke Monster snatches up Le Asshole. YES! He drags him through the jungle and tries pulling him down a hole under some temple, but Jin and the others are holding on to him. A tug of war ensues and Le Asshole gets sucked down the hole minus one arm.

Gross!

“Help me! Help me! Come get me. I’m hurt!” (In French)

No shit you’re hurt, dude. I got your arm right here! The other two French dudes go down the hole after him, and Jin stops Danielle from following. Suddenly we have flashy lights and Jin is alone in front of the temple. Le Asshole’s arm is petrified and looking at him like, “You again?”

Jin stumbles through the jungle with horribly cracked lips. He sees smoke from a fire in the distance and makes his way towards it. He ends up at a camp on the beach. Flies circle the two Frenchmen’s dead bodies. Danielle is holding a gun on her babydaddy. He has a gun too, but is pleading with her not to shoot him. She is insisting that the monster made him sick, like the others. He says he loves her and the baby and he’s not going to hurt her. I love you, he says obnoxiously. What is it with French people? They even beg obnoxiously. Danielle lowers her gun and he tries to shoot her, but the gun is empty. Danielle busts a cap in his ass and she starts to do the same to Jin claiming he must be sick because he disappeared, but he runs. And we have flashy lights.

Someone pulls a gun on Jin and it is Sawyer!! They hug and it’s adorable… and kinda hot. He asks about Sun. Ruh roh.

Sawyer and the gang try to explain what’s going on and Jin loses his shit. He starts going off in Korean and everyone looks to Miles to translate.

“He’s Korean. I’m from Encino.”

Charlotte translates that Locke has to bring Sun back in order to stop what’s going on. Why? Because they shouldn’t have left, Locke responds.

Three years later, Ben tells Sun that he can take her to someone that will prove that Jin is alive. Kate is furious and takes Aaron and leaves. Sayid leaves saying that if he sees Jack or Ben again, it’s on like Donkey Kong. Ben convinces Sun to go with him saying she can bust that cap if he’s lying.

Back on the island, on the way to The Orchid, Locke explains to Jin that he has to leave the island alone, but that he promises to bring Sun back. Then we have flashy lights and it’s nighttime… then we have flashy lights again and everyone has headaches. Charlotte passes the hell out. Juliet’s nose is bleeding as is Sawyer’s.

Charlotte tells Jin, first in Korean and then English, “Don’t let them bring her back. No matter what. This place is death!”
She just made Locke’s job like, 200% harder.

Three years later, Ben, Sun, and Jack make their way to the lady that can help. Jack apologizes to Sun for leaving Jin behind. Why now? She and I BOTH want to know. They shit talk Ben like he’s not even there. Ben pulls over all pissed off, “Look, I’m tryna help y’all trifling asses. Don’t stress me out.” OK, I’m paraphrasing again.

Back on the island, everyone is debating whether or not to leave Charlotte behind and she’s talking all crazy talk. Another flashy light thing convinces everyone to leave Daniel behind with Charlotte. Sawyer wonders what they’re going to do if they arrive at the spot in a time when The Orchid didn’t exist. Charlotte tells them to look for the well. They’ll find it at the well. Not one person asks the obvious question, “How you know?!”

They arrive at The Orchid and Juliet marvels at their good luck that The Orchid is actually there. And then the lights flash and it disappears. Big mouth! Locke looks for, and finds, the well. Finally, Miles thinks to ask how the hell Charlotte knew the well was there. Too bad he didn’t think to ask… Charlotte.

Charlotte admits to Daniel that she lived on the island as a child with the Dharma Initiative and that she left with her Mom and never saw her Dad again. Her Mom told her that the island didn’t exist, but she grew up to be an anthropologist with hopes of finding the island. She says when she was a girl a creepy man told her she had to leave and never come back or else she’d die and the creepy man was Daniel. WEIRD! Has Daniel time traveled that we don’t know of and warned her?

Locke prepares to go down the well, but Jin threatens to cut the rope if Locke doesn’t promise to leave Sun and his baby alone. He doesn’t want them coming back. Locke promises, but asks if Sun finds him what should he do? Jin says that he wants Sun to think he’s dead and gives Locke his wedding ring as proof.

Locke descends down the rope, and then we have flashy lights again. Sawyer grabs the rope and yells for Locke to hold on, but he doesn’t and falls to the bottom. When the lights clear Sawyer is holding a rope planted in the ground.

“I think you can let go of that now,” Miles says dryly.

Good thing Locke didn’t listen or else his ass would have been encased in the ground. Nasty.

Charlotte gets worse and Daniel asks her to hold on. He tells her about telling Desmond to find his Mom and that his Mom can help.

“I’m not allowed to have chocolate before dinner,” she says and dies. And I can’t help but think of David Allen Grier playing the bum who yells out random stuff, “I can make a booger talk!”

At the bottom of the well, Locke is all busted up and screaming in pain. His bone is sticking out of his leg. He calls for help and realizes he’s not alone. It’s Christian Shepard, Jack’s dad! He’s carrying a creepy lantern and looking very I-know-what-you-did-last-summer-ish.

He tells Locke that when he told him to save the island he had to move the island, he meant him, not Ben. But, Ben told me that he had to do it and I had to stay and lead his people, Locke says. Who told your dumbass to listen to Ben? Yes, paraphrasing. Christian tells Locke that after he convinces everyone to come back he needs to find Eloise Hawkins in Los Angeles. Ben tells Christian that Richard told him he was going to die and Christian is all, “That’s why it’s called sacrifice.” Locke is all teary-eyed, but says he’s ready.

I’m sad.

Christian tells Locke that on the other side of the wall is a wheel that has slipped off it’s axis. All he has to do is give it a little push. He asks Christian if he can help him up, and Christian says no. I thought it was kinda cold till I realized he didn’t say he didn’t want to help him up, but that he couldn’t. Which I think means that my theory of the island only being able to mimic people who are actually dead on the island is right and maybe he’s all misty and intangible. As Locke pushes the wheel lights go off and Christian says, “Say hello to my son.”

“Who’s your son?”

But he’s gone before Christian can answer.

Three years later, Ben gives Sun Jin’s wedding ring after they arrive outside of a church. He says he got it from Locke and that it’s proof that Jin is alive. Sun’s ass is sold. She’s down for whatever.

Desmond shows up and realizes that they’re all looking for Eloise Hawkins, Daniel’s mother. Ben seems surprised to hear this bit o’ news. They enter the church and there’s Eloise burning candles.

“I thought I said all of them.”

“This is all I could get on short notice.”

She sighs at Ben’s failure.

“Alright. Let’s get started.”

Theories, predictions, questions? Share!

Lost Season 5 – Epi. 4: The Little Prince

Three years later…

Kate gets all professional looking in Sun’s hotel room order to meet with someone and it’s Sun’s idea. Sun babysits while Kate is gone. Sun gets a package that includes photos of Jack meeting with Ben and a gun. Mama means business.

Back on the island, Charlotte is still out cold. Juliet insists that if Daniel knows what’s happening to Charlotte, he should tell her. Daniel plays dumb unconvincingly. He finally compares what Charlotte has to really bad jet lag, but Juliet still ain’t tryna hear it.

In present day, in Los Angeles, Kate meets with the attorney who came to her house. She says she will agree to give the blood samples if his client will meet with her. The lawyer ain’t buying it. He tells Kate that eventually she will lose Aaron and that her client is being nice by not pushing the situation faster.

On the island, Locke tells Sawyer they need to get back to The Orchid. Maybe there’s a way to stop what’s happening there. Locke suggests they head back to the beach to find the Zodiac raft and use it to get to The Orchid quicker. He tells Sawyer that he has to make the Oceanic 6 come back even if it kills him. He nicks Sawyer’s resolve by mentioning the possibility of seeing Kate again.

Charlotte finally wakes up with a bunch of dried and crusty blood under her nose. Will someone get homegirl a banana leaf, please? Sawyer announces to the group that they’ll be heading to The Orchid and some Planet of the Apes-style music plays.

In present day, Sayid warns Jack that they need to get to Hurley before Ben does. Jack tells Sayid that Ben is on their side. Before they can argue further, a doctor calls Jack out of the room to rip him a new one for coming up in the hospital treating patients like he works there. Hurley calls Jack and tells him that he’s in L.A. county lock-up and safe from Ben. He hangs up before Jack can get more out of him. Dumb Hurley.

Meanwhile a male nurse shows up in Sayid’s room telling him he has his meds. Knowing Jack ain’t order no meds, Sayid goes all Batman on the nurse’s ass before he can shoot Sayid up with more tranquilizers! Ok, it’s apparent whoever is behind this doesn’t want Sayid’s ass dead. Just really high.

Sayid is about to choke the man to death with an I.V. line (yeah, he’s that P.I.M.P) when the man reveals there’s an address in his pocket. Sayid shoots him with his tranq gun and gets the address. Ben and Jack arrive and Jack realizes the pseudo-nurse was carrying Kate’s address.

Jack calls Kate to warn her, but she’s all, “The last time we spoke you were drunk and scruffy and talking ’bout going back to Crazy Island, so yeah, I’ma hang up now.” He convinces her to give up her location downtown.

Ben and Sayid leave to get Hurley while Jack goes to meet Kate. Ben tells Jack they all need to meet up at the Long Beach Marina.

Back on the island, Sawyer wants to know what Locke is going to say to get Kate to come back, but Locke admits he has no idea. Sawyer is all, “She was too happy to bounce to want to come back so you have your work cut out for you.” As the group makes their way through the nighttime jungle, they see a light in the distance. Locke tells them to keep moving, but Daniel wants to know if Locke has an idea of “when” they are. Locke doesn’t answer.

I think they’re at the night when Locke was banging on the hatch door and the light came on. The night Boone died.

They hear screaming in the jungle and Sawyer goes to investigate. He sees Kate delivering Claire’s baby. The look on his face is wonderful. I really like this scene. It reminds us of the personal history they all share and how much they’ve been through together. Suddenly, the flashy light thing happens again and it’s daytime. Sawyer doesn’t tell Locke what he saw. By the way, I was right. That was totally the night Boone died.

Jack shows up at Kate’s car as she sits on a downtown street. He convinces her to confide in him. When the lawyer leaves his office, Jack hops in the car as Kate prepares to follow him.

On the island, Locke admits that he knew they were back to the night Boone died and said he wouldn’t warn his past self of anything that was about to happen. Miles (Asian Psychic Dude) admits to Daniel that he suffered a nose bleed with the last flash. Daniel said it has something to do with the amount of exposure one has had to the island. Miles balks seeing as how the Oceanic survivors have been on the island for months, but he has only been there two weeks. Are you sure, Daniel wants to know.

I told y’all!! Miles is the baby from the season premiere! He, Charlotte, and Daniel each have childhood connections with the island. I bet you.

They arrive at the camp and find it trashed and the raft gone. New boats are ashore with water bottles from an Indian airline. Locke and the gang decide to take the new canoe and head over to the Orchid. They’re not sticking around for the other others to come back.

As they row, Sawyer admits to Juliet that he saw Kate delivering Claire’s baby the night before. Before they can get too deep into the convo, someone starts shooting at them from another boat.

“Paddle!” Sawyer instructs.

And what follows is a comical Scooby-Doo style row-fest. I damn near pissed my pants laughing.

“Are those your people?” Miles asks Juliet.

“No, are they yours?!”

Priceless.

Before anyone can get a cap popped in their ass, there’s another flash and they’re now in the middle of a rain storm paddling to shore.

In present day, Kate and Jack follow the lawyer to a motel where he meets with Claire’s mother. Jack convinces Kate that he should speak with her and try to get her to stop what she’s doing. When he returns to the car, he informs Kate that Claire’s mother has no idea what’s going on. She doesn’t even know that Aaron exists. She was in town to pick up the settlement she won from suing Oceanic.

Ben and Sayid are on their way to Hurley, but make a stop. Ben meets with the lawyer who met with Claire’s Mom. He informs Ben that arrangements have been made for Hurley’s release.

“Who is that?” Sayid wants to know.

“That’s my lawyer.”

Ben is awesome.

On the island, Sawyer admits to Juliet he was close enough to Kate to touch her, but what’s done is done so he didn’t. Juliet suffers a nosebleed. They find more wreckage on the beach and a black box with French writing on it.

Out to sea, a bunch of French people find a body floating in the water. It’s Jin!!!!! Awesome! I’m so happy he’s not dead!

Happy dance! Happy dance!

Present day: Jack and Kate are the marina when Ben arrives. Kate accuses Ben of being behind what’s going on with Aaron and Jack tries to tell her he’s on their side. Sayid looks on. Ben admits that he was behind trying to take Aaron away. Ben is P.I.M.P. too!

Sun looks on with Aaron sleeping in the backseat. She takes her gun from her purse and begins to make her move.

Back on the island, Jin awakens to some very suspicious French people. Even though I don’t know what they’re saying, they manage to be obnoxious. Jin realizes that one of them is a pregnant, and much younger, Danielle Rousseau!

Goosebumps!

You know what sucks? The next light flashy thing will take Jin away from them. I want to find out what happened with her people and how they got sick! Also, where is the smoke monster!?!?

Lost – Season 5, Epi. 3: Jughead

Previously on Lost: Ben spins the donkey wheel and the island goes bye-bye. Daniel tells Desmond in the past to get his ass to Oxford in the future so they can stop time warping all over the damn place. Desmond awakes in the future with the new memory and Penny isn’t convinced.

And now…

Somewhere in Asia, Desmond needs a doctor. Why? Penny’s in labor. The doctor Desmond finds pulls out these huge forceps. Um, are we in the past again? Jesus. She pushes and screams, and pushes and screams some more. I look at Jack, “We did that six months ago.” Jack just screams at the T.V.

Present day and Desmond is chilling on a boat with his three year-old son. Penny is worried that by returning to Great Britain they are opening themselves up to her Daddy finding them. Desmond says he won’t and he must save the people on the island.

Back on the island, Daniel, Charlotte, and Asian Psychic dude are heading for the creek with two yellow shirts. Daniel won’t admit to Charlotte that he knows what’s happening to her. And as yellow shirts are want to do, they end up dead by booby-traps. A group of people show up with guns and demand to know who their leader is. Asian dude quickly gives up Daniel.

“You just couldn’t stay away, could you?” asks the girl with the big ass gun.

What’s that supposed to mean? Has she seen Daniel there before? What time period are they in anyway? Their guns look really old.

Desmond prepares to find Daniel’s mother, Penny still isn’t convinced and now you can toss in a side of annoyed. She makes Desmond promise that they won’t go back to the island ever again. Why would I want to do that, he asks, but doesn’t say he won’t go.

On the island, the girl with the big ass gun wants to know where the rest of the survivors are. She also talks like she has poop in her mouth.

Locke, Juliet, and Sawyer have two of the people that attacked them with flaming arrows in custody. The captives start speaking Latin, which Juliet understands. Locke wants to know why they are speaking Latin and Juliet responds for the same reason she does… they’re Others. Ruh-roh.

Psychic Asian Dude tells Daniel they just walked over the fresh grave of four US soldiers dead less than a month as they are being led by gunpoint to The Others’ camp. Guess who their leader is? Richard Alpert. And his ass looks exactly the same as he always does. Young and sexy! He assumes that the survivors have come for their bomb. Now there’s a bomb on the island?! This is the unluckiest island ever!

At Oxford, Desmond is unable to find any record of Daniel working at the school. I would just like to point out that Desmond looks quite scrumptious in his blazer, rock star shades, and scarf. Undeterred, he breaks into the psychics department. In a room with a bunch of dusty boxes and equipment, he finds a picture of Daniel so he knows he’s on the right track. A janitor shows up and tells Desmond that Daniel was working on time travel with rats. The janitor suggests that Daniel did something to a girl which is why the school won’t admit to knowing who he is.

On the island, Richard’s people, the Others, are holding Daniel, Charlotte and Asian dude. Daniel says their best bet is to pretend they are with the military until the next time jump. Daniel explains that they are just scientists and not a part of the military solider guys that Richard says has been attacking them as they run tests on the island. Daniel offers to defuse the hydrogen bomb on the island and assures Richard his intentions are true because he’s in love with Charlotte and would never risk her life. It works, Richard agrees to let him go. Charlotte looks confused.

Juliet, Locke, and Sawyer are marching their captives to the creek when one of them points out that since Sawyer yelled out, “to the creek” in the last episode, their friends are probably captured or dead. Juliet asks him in Latin where their camp is and asks if Richard is there. He starts to tell, but then his friend breaks his neck and dashes off into the woods. Locke refuses to shoot him because, “those his peeps.”

Desmond visits Theresa, a girl in a vegetative state of some sorts and left by Daniel. Desmond learns that Charles Widmore was Daniel’s benefactor funding all of his research for ten years.

Daniel tells Charlotte he meant it when he said he loved her and then the girl with the big ass gun comes to take Daniel off to find and disarm the hydrogen bomb. The escaped Other shows up at the camp and insists that Locke and crew couldn’t have followed him.

Locke totally followed his ass. He asks Juliet how she knew Richard would be there and she replies, “Richard has always been here.” She tells Locke that Richard is old. Locke admits he needs to talk to Richard because Richard can tell him how to save them. And as always, when it comes to the island or like, the lives of other people, Locke chooses the island and runs off to talk to Richard. Sawyer and Juliet head off to rescue Daniel.

The girl with the big ass gun doesn’t buy that Daniel, Charlotte, and Asian dude are all U.S. military. Daniel examines the bomb, Jughead, and realizes it’s leaking. Daniel wants lead to fill the crack and tells her they need to bury the bomb. When she won’t listen to reason he tells her how they are from the future. Is he trying to get shot in the head? Sawyer and Juliet show up to save the day.

In present day, Desmond barges into Widmore’s island all pimp-style. Desmond wants to know how to find Daniel’s mom and Widmore wants to know if Penny, who he hasn’t heard from in three years, is safe. Widmore gives up the info when he realizes Desmond ain’t budging. Widmore warns  Desmond that after he delivers the message, he and Penny should remain in hiding because if not, Penny’s life is in danger.

Locke walks up to the Others’ camp all bold and shit. He demands to talk to Richard. When Richard doesn’t recognize him, Locke informs him that Jacob sent him there. The escaped guy has his chest all puffed out and he’s ready to shoot Locke until Richard makes him put the gun away. Uh oh, escaped Other is actually Charles Widmore! Didn’t see that coming.

Desmond tries to lie to Penny that Daniel’s mother is dead so he’s done trying, but she sees right through him. She insists that she and the baby will accompany him to Los Angeles to find Daniel’s mom. Awww, they named their baby boy, Charlie.

Locke gives Richard the compass, but it still doesn’t do anything to convince him to tell Locke how to get off the island so he can convince his friend to return. Locke tells Richard he should visit Locke as a kid, but then the sky goes bright and they shift in time again. This time they are in a big open area… everyone shifted okay, except Charlotte has a nosebleed and passes out.

Here are my questions: Does Richard visit Locke as a boy because Locke has now told him to? What item did Locke pick when Richard visits him as a boy? What is Richard’s deal? So, Widmore was an original Other? Where is Rose and Bernard?! And more importantly. where is the smoke monster?!

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