Nina’s Top Ten Signs That She Watches Too Much TV

10. While waiting at a red light, Donny asked me if I’d seen the hair-do of a woman that had just driven by.

“No. I missed it.”

Silence.

“Wait. Did you just reach for a TiVo remote to rewind real life?”

I did.

9. True Story: A few weeks ago, while in class, my ear clogged up and everything sounded far away. Then I started hearing some weird staticy sound – like someone tuning a radio.

I briefly wondered if I was a Cylon.

8. Name any day, any hour, and I can name at least three shows coming on at that time. Test me.

7. I know the halls of County General like the back of my hand.

6. I have a soft-spoken white woman do all of my life narrations a la Desperate Housewives. So what if only I can hear her.

5. I end all arguments with, “The tribe has spoken.”

4. Richard is paid to watch TV, and yet I still watch more than he does.

3. I’m a member of an elite squad known as the special victims’ unit.

2. The only thing keeping me from committing murder is Gil Grissom.

1. In times of great indecision I find myself wondering, “WWJBD?”

What would Jack Bauer do?

Nina’s Top Ten Reasons Donny Will Go White Boy Crazy

You all know that Donny is my long-suffering, infinitely patient, Saint-like husband. Well, I am convinced that all white boys have a crazy gene that lies dormant – usually until their wives get pregnant. Seeing as how I’ve made it through my pregnancy with our son Jack, I can only assume he’s waiting until Jack is weaned from the breast before killing me in my sleep. I’m nursing Jack until he’s 12. Just sayin’.

Top Ten Reasons Donny Will Go White Boy Crazy

10. I always, always, always, leave the butter out.

9. The other day he returned from the store and asked…

“I thought you were going to vacuum while I was gone?”

“I was, but I didn’t know how to turn it on.”

8. Speaking of vacuums… a few years ago..

Nina: How do you turn this thing on? I’m stepping on the little button.

Donny: You have to flip the switch on the handle.

Nina: Since when?

Donny: Since always. You’re thinking of the old vacuum.

Nina: Oh. When did we get this new one?

Donny: Two years ago.

7. An actual conversation….

“My Mom sent you another friend request on Facebook.”

“I know. I’m trying to decide if I’m gonna accept it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I just feel funny. She e-mailed me to say she really likes my blogs and all I could think about was the time I wrote about your balls falling out of your boxer shorts.”

6. I’m allergic to filling the gas tank. I will drive home on fumes before stopping for gas, but let me get in the car to find the tank on E and I lose my shit.

5. I don’t remember the last time I shaved my legs.

4. I tell him that my blind, dead, Grandfather drives faster than him.

3. I’m a better Halo 3 player than he is, and I make sure he knows it!

2. Donny has to live with the knowledge that there are several celebs — including Jason Behr — that I would sleep with in a heartbeat. And while many couples have lists, if he tried to act on his, I’d cut the aforementioned balls off.

1. Most men worry about being replaced with a vibrator. Donny? A TiVo remote.

For real though…

Best.Husband.Ever

Have an idea for a Top Ten list you’d like me to cover? Send it to nina@blogitoutb.com. Check out Nina’s Top Ten Moments of Battlestar Galactica here.

Nina’s Top Ten Moments of Battlestar Galactica

Until Rescue Me returns, I have an opening in my Wednesday entertainment blog. This is good news for you because that means that today you get two, yes two, Nina’s Top Ten blogs! And since this is supposed to be a TV blog, I’ve decided to follow that theme. (Later today: Top Ten Reasons Donny Will Go White Boy Crazy.)

Warning: This list contains spoilers so do not read, or watch the clips, unless you’ve seen every episode of Battlestar Galactica including the series finale.

In no particular order, I give you the…

Top Ten Moments of Battlestar Galactica

10. The Adama Manuever – Most of the fleet has decided to settle on the planet New Caprica under the leadership of their new president, Gaius Baltar. When the Cylons, the evil robots that look human bent on destroying mankind, show up, Baltar has no choice but to surrender, and Admiral Bill Adama has no choice but to leave his people. When he returns, what follows is hands-down one of the best scenes on television.

He launches two drones, and when the Cylons send their ships after them (thinking they’re Galactica, and the battlestar Pegasus), Adama jumps the battlestar right on their heads. He then launches the viper fighter planes, and jumps out of the planet’s atmosphere. If the clip doesn’t work, click here.

9. “So That’s It. We’re Cylons.” – After hearing pieces of, “All Along the Watchtower,” in their heads for days, the final four cylons are revealed when the song leads them all to the same place at the same. Almost immediately after, Starbuck returns from the dead. If the clip doesn’t work, click here.

8. Hey, I Know That Song! – Starbuck remembers that her father taught her to play, “All Along the Watchtower,” when she was a child. It just happens to be the song that switched on the final four cylons. Goosebumps!

7. Eye Contact – Moments after finding out he’s a cylon, Anders takes to his viper for his first battle with the Cylon raiders. Just when a raider has him dead to rights, he makes “eye contact” with the patroling red light of the raider. A super close-up of Anders’ eye reveals the slightest “glitch” which prompts the cylons to back-off.

6. The Cylons Were Created By Man – The opening scene to the mini-series that launched the show blew me away. It summed up where we were quickly, and it jumped right into action.

5. “Where Have You Taken Us, Kara?” – The final jump that leads Galactica, and her people, to their new home.

4. “She Will Not Fail Us If We Do Not Fail Her.” – In order to save Hera, Galactica and crew embark on their last mission;  jumping dead center of the cylon colony. The moment they jump in, all hell breaks loose. “You sunk my battleship! Sike!”

Honorable Mention from the clip above: Rebel centurions working with the human assault team to attack the cylon colony. Also, there’s neck-snapping in that clip. You gotta love neck-snapping!

3. “You know, I know about farming.” – In the final minutes of the series finale, Gaius shows a moment of heartbreaking humanity. Thanks to, what I think were, wonderfully woven flashbacks, we know that line was filled with all the guilt he has carried through four seasons and even beyond considering Gaius’ treatment of his father. Also, when the scene opens he looks right sexy.

Honorable mention from clip above: Adama speaks to Laura, who he has just buried, about their cabin he will build, and presumably die in.

2. Some Really Great Speeches:

- Adama’s speech at the end of the mini-series – he pledges to lead the fleet to Earth.

- Lee’s speech at the end of Baltar’s trial – he talks about the sins committed since they were forced to run for their lives.

- Roslin’s speech to the rebel cylons – she tells them that when Adama pulls through the mutiny, he will remember who stood with him, and who ran. “Who do you want to be? Who do you want to be?!”

1. Finally, any scene that contained my new favorite word:

There are so many more scenes that I could list; Roslin’s swearing in, Lee rescues Tyrol, Seelix, Cally, and Baltar on the algae planet, Admiral Cain’s end, Ander’s goodbye, the occupation of New Caprica, more of the final battle, the reveal of the final cylon, the return of the final cylon…. but, I’ll leave some for you!

The best show ever. So say we all.

If you’d like me to cover a top ten list, feel free to email a subject to nina@blogitoutb.com

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