One Closes, Four Open

I am less one friend today.

I take full responsibility for my part even though there are still moments when I find myself wondering how it could have happened. I mean, I’m 35. Shouldn’t we stop losing friends at some point? How junior high to say the words, “I’m not her friend anymore.”

All kinds of relationships are at the mercy of personality drifts. Sometimes you find yourselves going in different directions. Sometimes you find yourselves going in the same direction, but with different ideas on how to end up where you both want to be.

I started to feel like I couldn’t trust things told to me and their life choices were incomprehensible. I began to feel like there was a weird competition going on for the attention and friendship of others. The list goes on. But I didn’t confront it. Later, I told a mutual friend that it’s “the stink breath syndrome.” If you have a friend that you don’t want to be around because their breath stinks, you probably won’t speak up. You’re not trying to hurt the person’s feelings. You just want your space. That is how I felt.

I told my Dad I felt awful about judging. How is it being a friend when you pull away because of someone’s life choices? Shouldn’t a real friend just accept people for who they are? My Dad said, “Friends are the perfect people to judge. There’s nothing wrong with saying, ‘I like you, but you lie. I like you, but you steal. I like you, but your hair is fucked up.’ When you say you’re not gonna judge, what you’re really saying is that you’re willing to lie to yourself about who this person really is.”

I’m not perfect, and I don’t expect perfection. But I need to feel like I’m having an honest friendship. I can’t worry about whether or not what my friends are telling me is the truth. If someone admits to stretching the truth and beating the system in other areas of their life, it’s only natural to question what they tell you.

As Maya Angelou says, “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”

I didn’t listen to the opinions or warnings of others. I didn’t take into account that this person had just ended a friendship with a handful of other people. I told myself that that their experience doesn’t have to be mine.

Later, after a falling out with a mutual friend, she deleted me from Facebook. Something I should have done awhile ago, but we were involved in a project together and I didn’t want to make it “weird” for the others involved. As the smoke clears and war stories are compared, I realize that my instincts were right. Lies were told, even about how things ended, but that’s okay.

I said to my mother, “Hell, maybe I have all the friends I’m meant to have.”

And I have great ones: Sophie, Amy, Mike, Bette, Richard, Tara, David, Tobias and those are just the tangible ones that I can see, touch, call, etc. I’ve met some great “virtual” ones, too.

I will not cut myself off though. To do so would be to deny myself the possibility of new friendships and endeavors.

Because of the generosity of my friend Alegra, I am participating in a beautiful anthology that celebrates motherhood and the written word. Milk and Ink: A Mosaic of Motherhood features many of my writer friends (who also happen to be Moms) as well as some lovely writers/poets I’m just getting to know. All proceeds from the book sales will go to support Mama Hope, a charitable organization doing great work for the women and children of Africa.

Recently, I became more involved in getting this book off the ground (it will be available in November of this year), and in doing so strengthened two budding friendships – Jordan and Tomi (pronounced TOMMY) – and solidified another (Alegra). These three ladies have done an excellent job of editing the wonderful pieces submitted to the anthology and are working tirelessly in getting it ready for print.

I’ve been working with my friend and boss, Kevin Palmer, in rebuilding and revamping the website so that it better serves the needs of Milk and Ink. First, it needs to be a place where we can promote the book, but also promote and support a community of writers. Not just mothers who write, but all writers. Finally, once the book is released, we will be transitioning the spirit of Milk and Ink into an online literary magazine.

I was thrilled and honored to be asked to serve as a co-editor with Alegra, Jordan, and Tomi. We have so many exciting things planned. We’ve spent many days juggling our husbands, jobs, homes, and kids only to dive into a massive email/IM creative session in the evenings – tired, but fueled by an excitement for, and faith in, this project.

It’s sad when things come to an end, but I am overjoyed by this new beginning.

It would really mean a lot to me if you could give Milk and Ink a follow on Twitter.

Also, tell your friends. Once the site is up and running, I’ll be promoting it more and asking for further support.

Be Good To Him

When I was pregnant with Jack I would often ask Donny, Kali, and sometimes the universe, “What are we going to do with this little boy?” The thought of having another person in our lives was frightening. The thought of being a mother to a boy after being, I thought, such a girl Mommy – all about mani/pedis, Girl’s Day Out, and teenage vampire flicks – was bizarre.

I wondered how he would fit into our family of three and if we really knew what we were getting ourselves into.

One day, I tossed the question into the air, rubbing my belly and eyeing my swollen feet, and Kali volleyed back the most simplest of answers.

“We’re going to love him, and take care of him, and be good to him.”

That latter stuck with me.

Be good to him.

Loving him would come naturally.

Taking care of him was my responsibility and I’d be held to it by the law if necessary.

But being good to him? It was such an odd thing for a 9-year-old to say. Such a simple answer and simple concept.

When Jack was about a week old I was suffering from excess water retention, in my legs and feet, on my lungs, and apparently on the brain as I was purposely ignoring the medication that would help because it would potentially dry up my breast milk. It was a tough time of very little sleep and patience. Whenever I felt like I was at the end of my rope I would simply hug him, rock him, kiss him and remember, “Be good to him.”

That instruction has remained with me for the past two years as I was reminded how energetic and difficult toddlers can be. It has remained with me as I am introduced to how rambunctious and fearless little boys can be. And it was my mantra last night as I struggled to get Jack to go to sleep when all he wanted to do was jump around and toss toys into the air.

We do not spank. A sharp rap to the hand to stop a bobby pin from finding its way into a light socket is one thing, but we do not hit the bottom, face, or legs with our hands, belts, wooden spoons or other foreign objects. It’s a personal parenting choice that has served us well. That is not to say that I’ve not found myself at the end of my rope. I have. Sometimes I want to tie that rope around my neck and jump! But it’s an effort I choose to make, to discipline from a different place and in a different way.

And it’s easy to do when I just remember those four words. Be good to him.

I said them last night as Jack finally settled down, nursing from one breast with his hand on the other. His eyes were closed and I kissed his brow. He sighed and hummed and gave my breast a quick squeeze. I pulled him closer, still amazed after 11 years of motherhood how perfectly their bodies seem to mold into mine. Like puzzle pieces finding their correct spot, they belong to me and I belong to them.

Jack’s breathing, through his nose, slows and I know that he’s finally asleep. Not enough that I risk removing the breast. I decide to give him a few more minutes, but really they’re for me. I enjoy that internal smell every time he exhales. It has such a boy aroma to it. It’s hard to explain to people what that means. Just like it’s hard to explain that I still stick my face close to his when he yawns to soak up that baby breath. Yes, thankfully, he still has baby breath. I placed my hand on his back and pushed him closer still.

I feel bad that I’d lost my patience a few minutes before. I think about a mother in New Zealand whose baby fights for his life because someone wasn’t good to him. Someone lost their patience or swung too wildly or… God only knows. I think that I am lucky and blessed.

I woke up this morning to an email from my friend Alegra. Her nephew is that baby, and last night he stopped fighting. He is in death as he was in life, a perfect little angel. Donny called me a short while ago asking if I’d seen Alegra’s Facebook status about it and I told him about the email. We spoke for five minutes about how senseless it was. How sad. How painful. When Alegra had first told us what had happened to baby Cezar, Donny and I tried to remember what Jack was like at five months. All we could come up with was beautiful, sweet, and small. So small.

It doesn’t make sense and I’ve had to stop writing this several times – sometimes to cry, sometimes to hug my baby, sometimes to do work and not think about it. But then, of course, I will think about it and I have to write again because it helps get the feelings out. Otherwise, I feel like I’ll choke on them.

Please say a prayer for baby Cezar and his family. And if you have little ones, be good to them. Even if you’re tired and stressed over bills and life in general. Just take a moment. Take a breath. And be good to them.

Adventures in Geocaching

So we mapped a route of caches from our house to my Dad’s. Some were easy to find. Others? Not so much. There was one called “Movie Night” that was hidden around those Red Box movie rental machines. We had to wait forever as muggle after muggle rented movies. We tried standing around like we were waiting our turn to rent something, but it kind of felt like it does when someone stands too close to you at the ATM.

Um, can I help you with something?

We never found the cache. We did rent The Crazies on BluRay for $1.59.

After hanging out at my Dad’s house for awhile we headed home, stopping at a few more caches on the way. Here’s some video from one off a trail in a park.

Tomorrow, I’m going back to that Red Box machine and getting my $1.59 back.

First, Bitches: Geocaching

First, Bitches are a series of blogs about me discovering new things. They may not be new to you.

I recently noticed a friend on Facebook posting pics in an album called, “Geocaching.” I didn’t know what that was, but the pictures were all of rivers and trees so I figured it was a whole lotta something I wouldn’t be interested in. Then she posted more photos last night and my nosy ass decided to google “geocaching.”

I found the main site that describes it as:

Geocaching is a high-tech treasure hunting game played throughout the world by adventure seekers equipped with GPS devices. The basic idea is to locate hidden containers, called geocaches, outdoors and then share your experiences online. Geocaching is enjoyed by people from all age groups, with a strong sense of community and support for the environment.

The word “outdoors” immediately turned me off, but it was surpassed by words like “high-tech,” “treasure hunting,” and “GPS devices.” The competitive, amateur sleuth, with a gadget fetish in me was overjoyed.

I signed up for a free basic membership and read up on different types of caches. I did a search by zip code and was pleased to see that there were pages full of hidden treasures just waiting to be found. I woke Donny up to show him the site. He grumbled, rolled over, and went back to sleep. When he was awakened again a few hours later because I’d been hogging the covers I asked him, “Do you know what we’re doing tomorrow?”

Blank stare.

“Geocaching.”

Blank stare.

“Do you know what that is?”

“Treasure hunting?”

“So you were paying attention!”

We went to sleep.

I was so excited I woke up much earlier than I usually do on Sundays. I did some work and then over coffee, Donny and I tried downloading the necessary GPS apps to our phones. Two hours later I was ready to throw my phone, laptop, and Donny out the window. When we finally got our act together (or so we thought), we prepared to leave.

And then it started raining.

I took that opportunity to get more work done while Donny read up on Geocaching. When the rain stopped, we headed to the first cache at a park two minutes away. We stopped for fast food and ate in the park’s parking lot. And while we ate the sky opened up. I was starting to think that me and geocaching weren’t meant to be. Donny said he thought the storm would pass quickly and despite having no reason to believe that he actually knew what he was talking about, I decided we’d wait it out. Thank the Lord for headrest TVs with a DVD player. The kids kept themselves busy with a movie while Donny and I played around on our smartphones.  After about 30 mins the rain let up considerably. We all donned zip up hoodies and took off in search of our first treasure.

One of the first things they tell you about geocaching is to look out for Muggles. Much like in the Harry Potter books, Muggles are people that don’t know what the fuck is going on. You want to search for the caches and replace them without letting the Muggles around know what you’re doing. The idea being that Muggles will fuck it up for everyone by moving things and being general pains in the ass.

Because of the weather there were, thankfully, not many Muggles around. We set off in the direction my phone’s GPS said to go, jumping over puddles and stepping in mud. I regretted wearing my new $100 sneakers, but it was too late to do anything about it. I took solace in the fact that the hoodie was protecting my new $140 hairdo.

When we got to the designated spot, we began to search the area; we kicked around leaves, twigs, and rocks, we looked up into the trees in case the canister was tied to a low branch, and we checked all around light posts. Nothing. The GPS wasn’t very helpful as once we got close to the coordinates the needle started spinning all willy-nilly. We were miserable.

We decided to go to Best Buy and buy a real GPS. I figured we’d buy one for the car, one that we could also carry around for cache hunts. I figured wrong as the Best Buy associate explained that for geocaching you’d need a handheld that has geocaching built in. The prices were too high for something I wasn’t even sure I’d enjoy yet. We went home.

While I worked again, Donny did some research and found a handheld GPS device exclusively for geocaching for $199, but reminded me that we had a shitload of reward certificates for Best Buy. He ordered it online and went to pick it up. It cost us $80. We logged back in to our geocache account and pulled up a bunch of caches in our area. We read the descriptions and other helpful hints posted by the people who hid them and people who’d previously went looking for them – sometimes successful, sometimes not. With the GPS plugged into my laptop it was as simple as clicking “send to my GPS” when we found caches that appealed to us. We loaded a few and left again.

People try to get pretty creative in the containers they use to hide the cache. The first one we attempted kept hinting at “nut” in the description so we figured the container might be a fake nut of some kind. It was located at an intersection that can be pretty busy sometimes, but not too bad on a Sunday late afternoon. It was also located, if the GPS was to be believed, down a ditch in front of a private residence. Jack and Donny waited in the car while Kali and I stepped over a guardrail to find it. Crickets leaped at our ankles and I felt like things were crawling on my neck. After a few minutes, Donny and Jack joined us. It was pretty clear that the GPS was directing us down the ditch and it was very steep. Also, the whole “in front of someone’s house” thing made me afraid. I was pretty sure Muggles don’t play that. I pulled up more information on the cache and when I saw, “Beware of ticks,” I called a big fat, “let’s get the fuck outta here” on the whole operation.

We got back in the car and loaded up the next cache. It turns out it was in the parking lot of a supermarket strip mall near our house. The GPS seemed to point us smackdab in front of a light post. That area of the parking lot was completely empty. I stayed in the car with Jack while Donny and Kali got out to investigate. There was a Muggle on a skateboard nearby, looking at us curiously. He got bored after a few moments and looked away. Whew!

After a couple of circles around the post, I saw Donny lift up the base around the pole. “Did you find it?” He nodded. I told him to bring it to the car. They got back in the car and I locked the doors. I don’t know why I was all Deep Throat about the whole operation, it just felt like the right thing to do.

Some caches have items in containers that you are welcome to take, but it’s proper etiquette to then leave items of equal or greater value in return. Some just have a log for you to sign. This one was a log only and it was pretty neat seeing the names and dates of the people that came before us. That cache had been there for almost three years!

We signed the log and then Donny returned the stash. We decided to sign it with our last name, the date, and then I threw in two little stars ’cause I’m a fucking girl. Sue me. We’ll use that until we come up with a badass geocache team name. We headed to our third location.

Because of the name and description we figured it was in a park with ducks, beavers, and other wildlife nearby. My city slicker, me-no-like-animals ass completely blocked all of that info out due to being so high off our first find. We figured out we needed to park at a dead-end with a big ass “no parking after 6pm” sign… it was after 6pm… to get to the next cache. Since Donny and Kali had gotten out and found the last one, Donny said that I should go with Kali this time, but warned that we should hurry cause if the po-po came, he was going to leave us. That’s how he rolls.

Kali and I started off, me carrying the GPS. We walked down a trail with woods to our right and trees that backed up into a lake on our left. The lake looked dirty and lonely. Ahead of us I could make out a brown bridge. It looked sinister. I started thinking, “This is where the white folks die in movies. What the fuck am I doing out here with my baby?” At the foot of the bridge I stopped.

“Kali, maybe we should go back.”

“Noooo, this one has treasure. I want to see what’s in there!”

Just then I heard a branch snap to our right. I’d seen enough movies to know this is usually the appetizer to a dismemberment entree.

“Come on, Mommy!”

We stepped on to the bridge. It didn’t cross water, just more dirt, so I suspect it was just for show. It felt reliable enough, but the sounds of our footsteps on the wood gave me the heebie jeebies. At the other end, I stopped once more.

“I don’t think I want to do this.”

“COME ON!”

I think it’s safe to say that this was my daughter’s white half kicking in. I’m sure her black half was yelling, “RUN, girl, RUN!” She’d apparently tuned that half out. According to the GPS we had to hook a left though we didn’t need it to tell us that – directly in front of us and to our right was thick woods, the path continued to the left only.

As we turned left, I looked ahead at what was waiting for us. I didn’t like what I saw.

We kept walking with me checking the GPS every few seconds. We were 80 feet away. I’d already decided that should a rapist, mountain lion and/or deer appear, I would yell for Kali to run for her life, back to her Daddy, brother and safety, and I’d go down fighting like a true Brooklyn bitch. Cause that’s how I roll.

When we got to the point where the cache should have been 6 feet away, I stopped walking. I turned in a complete circle, taking in everything around me. I was looking for anything out of place, a color that didn’t belong. I wanted to make sure we were alone before I dropped my guard to look for the container.

I was sure we were alone, but just in case I dialed Donny’s cell with my own, put it on speaker and handed it to Kali. I told him we were looking, but I was too freaked to concentrate. After I minute, I decided I was heading back and he’d have to come do it. When I got to the bridge, I could see Donny and Jack outside the car. I waved that he should come to us. He and Jack met us at the bridge and the four of us made our way back to the cache site.

Donny spotted it within ten seconds, a few feet up an embankment, resting against a tree, covered with leaves.

“You know, I’m sure I’d have found it quickly too, but I was distracted by all the bricks I was shitting.”

I didn’t want to fuck around looking at the loot in the woods and I didn’t like leaving the car unattended so we practically ran back to the car.

This cache had a lot of little toys and knick knacks. We took a toy of plastic hands that clapped when you shook it for Jack and deposited a big, hot pink, die in its place.  (Donny made it back safely and we headed to our fourth location).

This one cleverly had “PUBLIX ENEMY” in the name and we could tell by the location marker that it was very near the Kroger supermarket near our house. (Publix is another supermarket chain). We also knew that the person who hid the cache had left a simple two-letter hint that when decoded, revealed LP. I figured it stood for “light post.” Also, someone who had quickly found the cache left a comment that they had to wait to replace it because a Muggle parked his truck near the hiding spot. It turned out it was in a light post behind the Kroger where the deliveries are made.

I hopped out and looked around. Much like the first one we found, the base lifted and out rolled an old film container. I grabbed it and hopped back in the car. This one had a tiny scroll of paper inside a little ziploc bag. Sure enough, when it was time to put it back, a Muggle truck driver came out to move his truck. While he was trying to do that, and his back was turned, I jumped out and returned the cache.

We gave the first one from earlier that day – in the park – another attempt, but still couldn’t find it. According to the log online, someone just found it 7 days ago. We wondered if it had been muggled in the meantime. Damn Muggles!

We had so much fun doing this as a family. I’m grateful to my friend Cathy for bringing it to my attention and that GPS was worth every cent of the 80 bucks we spent on it. It was so much more reliable than the program in our phones and easier to use. When we found a cache we could mark it as found and leave comments about our experience straight from the device.

As we get better at it, and maybe on some days when it’s just Donny and I, we’ll attempt harder ones with more rugged terrain. The caches are identified by their difficulty level in both finding the cache and the terrain you’ll have to cover to get there. There are also multi-caches where the first coordinates lead you to one cache which provides a clue to the GPS coordinates for another location and so on. And there are many that have puzzles you have to solve before you leave the house. Once you solve the puzzles, they reveal the coordinates which you can then load into your GPS and go hunting like normal. We’re going to try those next weekend. Some of the puzzles look pretty easy, but we found a local geocachers that has dozens all around our area and her puzzles are challenging. We can’t wait to try those!

If you think you might like to try it, I’d love to hear about it. We’re thinking we may start hiding some of our own caches with items specifically for people people with children. It really is a fun family activity.

A Mix-Up Of Nerds and Other Things That Made Me Laugh

***

An IM conversation between Sophie and I…

Sophie: I went to this play on Sunday and was talking to my new-ish friend when the subject of Lost came up. I asked her if she watched it and she said no, but that she should because her friend works on the show. Guess who?

Nina: WHO?!

Sophie: Joss Whedon! She’s friends with him and his wife.

Nina: Joss Whedon doesn’t work on Lost. Is your new-ish friend retarded? (Sorry, Sarah Palin.)

Sophie: OH! NO! Not him! The other one! The Felicity guy.

Nina: JJ Abrams.

Sophie: Yes! No, she’s not a ree-ree. Apparently, I am.

***

I was thinking about getting Kali a Kindle to encourage her to read more. But then I thought, “She hasn’t put in enough time!” Us adults; long time lovers of books, we have earned the luxury of a Kindle. Not to mention, those of us with jobs. But I think Kali needs a few years of some old-fashioned book reading under her belt.

She needs to discover the joys of dog-earing her favorite pages and highlighting her favorite passages. She needs to appreciate the smell and feel of a new book for another decade or so. She needs to experience the horror at finding a booger in a library book.

Yeah, she needs to pay her dues.

***

A conversation between Donny and I regarding our upcoming vacation.

Nina: We can spend a whole day at the beach. The kids can see the ocean for the first time. They can get their feet wet, but they can’t swim in the ocean. You hear me?

Donny nods.

Nina: I mean it, Donny! They’re not allowed in the ocean. They’re only half white. Their black half don’t play that shit.

***

Jack has become fascinated with all things Toy Story. We have a bunch of Toy Story figurines, dolls, movies and books. His favorite, of course, is a plush Woody doll.

Nina: He wakes up and the first thing he wants is that Woody.

Donny: I wish Mommy would wake up and want a woody first thing.

Then, Donny and Jack come home from the store and Jack is holding a new Buzz Lightyear doll.

Nina: Awww, did you get a Buzz to go with your Woody? Wait. OK. That didn’t sound right.

Emmy Nominations – Thoughts & Predictions

The primetime Emmy nominations were announced last week and I was very pleased with many of the nominees. Even though we all know it’s an honor to be nominated, the downside to so many favorites receiving a nod is that, inevitably, so many favorites won’t win. Here are my thoughts on this year’s nominees in the major categories.

Outstanding Lead Actor in  a Drama Series

Who I Want To Win: Matthew Morrison (Glee) – Y’all know I love my Glee! I’d love to see it sweep the categories, continue to get more honor and praise and stick around for seasons to come.

Who Should Win: Steve Carell (The Office) – I haven’t seen the most recent season (6), but I just watched season 5 in a two-day marathon session and nearly wet the bed laughing. He makes the awkwardness of Michael Scott look so effortless, like he’s not even acting. That might work against him, but it shouldn’t.

Who Will Win: Alec Baldwin (30 Rock) – I’ve only seen the first three seasons of 30 Rock, and while he’s funny, I still find Carell to be funnier. He seems to be an Emmy fave though.

Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

Who I Want To Win: Lea Michele (Glee) See above.

Who Should Win: Tina Fey (30 Rock)

Who Will Win: Tina Fey

I wasn’t aware that Nurse Jackie and The United States of Tara were comedies.

Lead Actor in a Drama Series

As I write this, I’ve only seen the first two discs of season 1 of Mad Men (I’m loving it!) and a few episodes of House. I have the first two seasons of Breaking Bad arriving next week. Last week, I spent five days watching all four seasons of Friday Night Lights. That show is one of the best written and finely acted shows on television. And longtime readers know that I’ve seen every episode of Dexter and Lost, the latter about 1 million times.

Who I Want To Win: Kyle Chandler (Friday Night Lights) – Chandler brings Coach Taylor to life. Literally. You feel like you know this man like you know the men in your life. You understand what drives him, what he cares about, and what will set him off. Chandler makes you want good things for Coach Taylor and his family (yes, even his whiny-ass daughter). This show is sorely under-recognized. With one more season to go, I hope this changes.

Who Should Win: Kyle Chandler

Who Will Win: Jon Hamm (Mad Men) – I don’t see the award committees’ love affair with this show ending any time soon.

Of course, I suppose it goes without saying that I will not shed a tear if Matthew Fox takes it for purely sentimental reasons.

Lead Actress in a Drama Series

Who I Want to Win: Connie Britton (Friday Night Lights) – I watch all of these shows and Britton deserves this. Hands down.

Who Should Win: Connie Britton

Who Will Win: I have a feeling they’ll give it to Julianna Marguiles.

Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series

Who I Want to Win: Chris Cofer (Glee) – How awesome would that be?!

Who Should Win: Neil Patrick Harris

Who Will Win: Someone from Modern Family

Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

Who I Want To Win: Terry O’Quinn (Lost)

Who Should Win: Terry O’Quinn

Who Will Win: Micheal Emerson or Terry O’Quinn

I should point out that – in case you didn’t know – the people voting don’t necessarily have to watch the shows nominated. All nominees submit tapes of their best work for the season for consideration. If a voter doesn’t watch any of the shows nominated, they would, conceivably, go by the submitted tapes. Of course, nominees are going to submit their best episodes/scenes for consideration. I can think of half a dozen scenes a piece that Emerson and O’Quinn could have submitted that would blow everyone out the water.

Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

Who I Want to Win: Jane Lynch

Who Should Win: Jane Lynch

Who Will Win: Jane Lynch

Don’t play with me.

Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

Who I Want To Win: Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife)

Who Should Win: No clue, but Panjabi is the shit.

Who Will Win: Elizabeth Moss (Mad Men)

Outstanding Comedy Series

Who I Want to Win: My heart belongs to Glee!

Who Should Win: Glee!

Who Will Win: Modern Family

Outstanding Drama Series

Who I Want to Win: Lost

Who Should Win: Lost

Who Will Win: Lost

First, let me say that the fact that True Blood is nominated over a show like Friday Night Lights is crazy.

For the first time in a very long time (or possibly ever) by the time the awards show airs, I will have seen every episode of every show nominated for Best Drama. I feel safe saying that Lost should win. This is subjective, of course, and all depends on what you look for in a TV show. For me, it’s not just the writing, acting, and plot. I watch TV for escape. I love shows that leave me thinking about what I’ve seen long after the credits roll and leave me wishing the next episode aired immediately instead of a week away.

That’s MY criteria of an Emmy-worthy show. And for me, that show is Lost.

Vacation Dilemma

Donny and I want to take a mini vacation at the end of the month before Kali returns to school. We’ve been getting lots of advice from family and friends on where to go, how much to spend, where to stay and what to do once we get there. After much debate we’ve narrowed it down to either Savannah or Hilton Head. Seeing as how they’re very close to one another, there’s a better than great chance that we’ll be able to visit both in our four-day weekend vacation.

But that was only half the battle. Now, we need to settle on one and pick a hotel. That’s where you come in. To help you dispense your advice, I’ll hit you with the stipulations we have.

1. We’re pretty much set on either of those two places due to the fact that it’s just a four-day weekend and we don’t want to spend a chunk of it traveling. Yes, we’re driving.

I’ve lived in a lot of cities and done the cross country driving many, many, times. I’ve done dozens of trips from Maine to Boston, Maine to NY, NY to Atlanta, Atlanta to Philly, Atlanta to NC, NC to Orlando, Atlanta to Florida, and once a very long, boring, oh-my-God-are-we-there-yet drive from Jacksonville, Florida to Corpus Christi, Texas. I’m over it. Anything over 5 hours makes me want to kick puppies and slap babies.

We want to get the whole family road trip experience, and we figure a 4-5 hour drive to South Carolina will get the job done. It’s just long enough for the kids to watch a few DVDs in the back and for everyone to have enough family fun car time.

2. We want to stay in a nice hotel.

Flying scares me, but I love airports. I love being in airports, I love preparing for a flight (and by preparing I mean, praying to sweet, merciful Jesus that I not die flying to Tampa to get my party on), I love watching people reunite and say goodbye at terminals and I love having a drink in airport bars, talking to strangers and making those random connections. Since flying isn’t a part of this trip, I’ll have to get my travel jollies with the hotel I stay in.

I love staying in hotels. I love having people responsible for cleaning up after me and bringing me food because I call. I love flipping through that stupid little HBO guide they leave on the desk and I like stealing miniature soaps and shampoos – don’t judge me. I love ordering room service. I love checking in and checking out.

Over the years, I’ve stayed in many hotels. I spent the majority of my other significant romance doing the long-distance thing. I’ve stayed in four-star hotels and interstate motels. Once, DJ Spermdonor and I stayed in a cheese-tastic property with a circular, red velvet-clad bed and a TV mounted to the wall, and that can only be described as a fuck-tel. It’s a wonder that I, and my unborn Kali, made it out of there alive.

I’ve listened to many nuggets of advice over the weeks advising us to go cheap to have money for other things. I get the reasoning. I do. But no. If it were just Donny and I, going out of town for something where we’d spend very little time in our room, that’s fine. But I’m bringing my children and I want them to be comfortable and safe. Sure, Jack won’t remember it, but he doesn’t need to. Kali, Donny, and I will.

We’re considering ALL things with this trip including the time we spend outside of the room and the time we spend in it. We want them to be equally nice. This will probably be our last vacation until Jack is five and can enjoy DisneyWorld.  We don’t want to spend a bunch of money, but we don’t want to skimp just to do it and then not enjoy ourselves.

So, for the hotel we have some rules:

• If we go to HH, then we must stay on the ocean. This is a biggie for Donny and I. We took a trip soon after we started dating and stayed in a hotel on the beach in NC and there’s nothing like having the ocean lull you to sleep.
• Free wi-fi. Gotta stay on the grid.
• Room service. I promised Kali.
• We’re thinking 3-4 stars.

That’s pretty much it. It seems cheaper to stay in Savannah and drive to Hilton Head for a day at the beach, but then we miss out on the whole sleeping with the ocean sounds. I’ve been on Priceline’s site, we have AAA and could find discounts in accommodations with them, and I’ve listened to suggestions from friends and I still haven’t picked a city/hotel.

To help with your feedback, here are two of my top properties in each city:

AVIA Savannah

Hilton Head Oceanfront Resort

Summer TV Viewing

After this Tuesday’s Glee finale, all of our fall shows will be done – some for good. Sure, we still have So You Think You Can Dance and my summertime guilty pleasure Big Brother to look forward to, but this is also the prime time for Donny and I to catch up on shows that either fell to the wayside or we never got into.

The great news is that a lot of these are available via Netflix instant viewing and can be streamed directly through our XBOX 360.

Here’s our list so far. Feel free to suggest some shows you think we’d like. Note: I groove most off shows with their own mythology and have several seasons under their belt, but I know there aren’t that many shows of Lost’s or Battlestar Galactica’s caliber.

1. Fringe – Seasons 1 & 2

• We started watching this show during it’s first season, but it got pushed aside after one of my TiVos fizzled and we lost a few episodes. We’re gonna get season 1 today and we’ve been TiVo’ing (and saving) season 2 which just ended.

2. Bones – Seasons 4 & 5

• We’re partway through season 4 now. Thankfully, it’s just been added to Netflix’s instant viewing list. We’ve also been TiVo’ing and saving season 5 which just ended.  I like the show, but the thought of any Booth/Bones romance puts me in no rush to watch it. Also, (spoiler alert) and I don’t dig the way everyone so easily forgave serial killer helper boy.

3. The Mentalist – Seasons 1 & 2

4. CSI – Season 10.

• We’ve seen some of this, but the majority of the season is on the TiVo in Jack’s room. I was going to give up on it and delete the 17 episodes saved up until I realized they had a serial killer storyline this season and I’m a sucker for those.

5. Rescue Me – Season 5 Vol. 1 & 2

• We’ve seen some of this, but stopped as life just got busy. Thankfully, it’s available on instant viewing.

6. The Shield – the final season

• As much as we love this show I can’t believe we haven’t watched the final season yet. Yay instant viewing!

7. Prison Break – the final season

• This show lost it’s shine after season 1, but we have completion issues so I kinda have to watch this. Also, instant viewing ensures I won’t have to spend any extra money or energy to do so.

8. The Wire – seasons 4 & 5

• We loved season 1, thought season 2 was kinda slow, and I was kicking rocks when they killed off a major character in season 3, but we hear nothing but great things about the final season. No instant viewing here. We’ll have to wait for the discs to come in the mail.

9. Stargate Atlantis – seasons 2- the end and Stargate Universe – second half of season 1

• This is all me. Donny has no interest in Stargate. I have to watch the season finale of season 2 SGA just to remember what the hell is going on.

10. Freaks & Geeks

• This show only lasted one season, but it’s supposed to be ridiculously funny. I promised Donny we’d watch it.

11.The 4400 – Season 3

• It’s been so long since we watched the first two seasons, I don’t remember what the hell is going on.

12.Big Love

• We’ve only seen the first 2 discs of season 1.

13. Breaking Bad – seasons 1 and 2

• A friend was watching an episode from season 3 the other night and described it as the most intense hour of TV they’d ever seen. How can I NOT watch?!

14. Mad Men

• I’ll probably watch all three seasons alone. Donny isn’t interested.

We’ll probably start with Fringe because that’s what Donny really wants to get into.

What am I missing?

Lost S6 – Epi. 16 “The End”

I just want to start off by saying that I get it. I get it. I got it. I wasn’t always getting it. In fact, at least 45 minutes before the end I kept saying to Donny, “I don’t get it! Where are they going?! I get everything else, but where are they going?” Then, Jack asked one question and was met with a question in return, and I got it.

I know there are people that will complain they didn’t answer any questions in the finale. Well, they answered damn near all of the questions in the episodes leading up to the finale. I told Donny last week, “I think we pretty much got all the answers we’re gonna get.” Last night’s episode was really only going to answer one: how does it all end?

I think those that didn’t have the ability or desire to watch all the previous episodes will feel like there were too many loose threads. Not only have I seen every episode when they originally aired, I watched the majority of them again immediately after that to write about them and sometimes just because they were awesome. Then, we’d watch previous seasons before a new season began. Finally, we spent the last few weeks watching seasons 1-5. I would advise those that are still confused to do that. Because, honestly, I can’t imagine what people are still confused about.

ALL OF THAT SAID, I’m now gonna give my interpretation of what happened last night then I’ll do the recap (highlighting key areas that support why I think the way I do.) I read interviews with the stars and creators where they stated the ending would be open to interpretation in areas and I prepared myself to be disappointed. I was not.

When Juliet detonated Jughead it didn’t blow up the island, but instead time traveled the candidates back to the present where they were needed. I would even argue that maybe the bomb didn’t even detonate. Jin told Hurley (who had never experienced time travel on the island) that they had time traveled because of the light, noise, and headache. Maybe Jacob or the island itself intervened to bring the candidates where they belonged: in the present day where the island’s current protector was recently murdered. And if it did actually detonate, maybe it didn’t react the same way because of the island’s properties. I am leaning towards it never really detonating.

And I don’t think we can call the other “reality” the sideways world anymore. Clearly, that’s not what it was. It’s what we assumed it was. Just like in the season 3 finale we assumed the off-island clips we were shown were flashbacks, and they turned out to be flash forwards. But for the sake of this blog, I will continue to refer to it that way to avoid (further) confusion.

What happened, happened. They were transported back to present day, John Locke’s body was taken over by the Man in Black. Due to Jacob’s death, he was no longer able to take on different forms other than John Locke and the black smoke. He needed to kill the candidates in order to leave. No protector for the island meant no one to stop him from leaving it – his goal for centuries.

Meanwhile we were seeing this sort of purgatory that the plane crash survivors had fashioned for themselves based on the fact that their time together on that island profoundly changed their lives. As Christian Shepherd said, it was the most important time of any of their lives. They made a place where they could continue to live the lives they should have – had the island never existed past 1977.

Think about it, for Ben it was a world in which what happened to him on the island (being shot by Sayid, healed at the temple) was so traumatic, it caused his father to finally be a real father to him. They left the island in the evacuation and he grew up to be the man we saw. For Locke, it was a world in which Helen didn’t die of a brain aneurysm and agreed to marry him. I’m happy that even in his “purgatory world” his no good father still got what he deserved – he was a drooling vegetable. Jack was a father and able to do what he and his own father was able to achieve in life – heal and repair the relationship with his son. Hurley still won the lottery, but instead of it bringing him nothing but bad luck, it brought him joy.

There were still, for obvious reasons, ties to the lives they had truly lived. Think about when you dream. We create our dreams, but they are still limited to what we know. Like, if you don’t know quantum physics, but dream that you are a quantum physicist, you’re not busting out equations in your dreams because in your life you don’t know any! They also peppered this world with people they had encountered in their lives. George, the limo driver, was the man that died on the freighter because he didn’t have a constant. Desmond inserted him in his purgatory. The mercenaries that killed Ben’s daughter were the bad guys Sayid took out for shaking down his brother. And on and on and on….

What we saw in this sideways purgatory wasn’t happening concurrently with the actions on the island. As Christian said, there was no time there. Charlie was the first to get a “feeling” that something wasn’t right when he almost “died” on the plane. One by one, they were awakened, enlightened, whatever you want to call it. They became aware that, “Oh, we’re dead. And if we so choose, it’s time to move on.” Remember that Desmond said that Ana Lucia wasn’t “ready yet” and Ben still needed more time to process before he entered the church?

I think it’s very important that people get that there was no real time in this sideways/purgatory world. What you saw at the end wasn’t everyone dying. Juliet died in present time in Sawyer’s arms on the island even having flashes (deja vu, maybe?) of that moment of awakening in the sideways/purgatory world. “We should get coffee sometime…. we can go dutch.” Charlie died turning off the jamming signal. Jack died restoring the island after being stabbed by evil Locke. We don’t know how or when Kate, Sawyer, Miles, Hurley and Ben died. Again, Christian said that some of the people in the church died before him (Charlie, the Kwons, Sayid, Juliet, Locke, Boone, Shannon, etc.) and some long after him (Kate, Sawyer, Bernard, Rose, Hurley, etc.)

One of the things I found beautiful was that when everyone became “aware” there was no, “Oh, my God! What happened to you?” That should have been everyone’s first tip off. When they became aware, they knew, we are dead and this is the beginning of our afterlife and all you saw was joy, relief, love, acceptance and peace. Go back and watch the moment the Kwons got it. Go back and watch when Juliet got it. Check out when Kate said to Jack, “I’ve missed you so much, Jack.” For all we know, she lived to be 80 and is “seeing” her Jack again for the first time since leaving him on the island.

I just thought of the perfect example to explain what I’m talking about. Remember the end of The Titanic? Rose dies as an old lady in her sleep. Jack died decades before in the water when her selfish ass wouldn’t even take turns with him on the floating door. When she died, where did she go? Back to that ship that changed her life, back to Jack who looked as he did when she knew him, surrounded by the people that were there and shared that experience and she looked as she did then. Get it now?

My friend Mary summed it up perfectly: it was a place of gathering and waiting. A place they created so they could all find each other.

OK.. Now here’s the recap:

Previously on Lost: Jacob tells Jack where to find the heart of the island and makes him the protector. Locke says he’s going to find Desmond and use him to destroy the island. In the sideways world, Desmond starts gathering the plane survivors together.

And now…

The crate carrying Christian Shepherd’s coffin arrives in Los Angeles as Jack sits in his office at the hospital. Dr. Ben Linus begins his day at school while Ben on the island gets ready to help Locke. Detective Sawyer starts his day at the precinct while island Sawyer helps Kate dress her wound. In Los Angeles, Kate watches at Christian’s coffin arrives at a church.

Desmond signs for the coffin and instructs the delivery guy to deliver it in the back. He then gets in the car with Kate who wants to know who died. She scoffs at the name Christian Shepherd. He tells her that he’s her friend whether she realizes it or not. He also says that he wants to leave. (You know, move on.)

On the island, Jack fills Sawyer, Kate and Hurley in on the heart of the island and where it’s located. Sawyer offers to go fetch Desmond when they realize that Locke is going to need him. At this point, I’m all, “Noooo, don’t separate!” Hurley says he has a bad feeling about this and I kinda agree.

In Los Angeles, Hurley takes Sayid to the motel where Sayid kicked ass after breaking Hurley out of the insane asylum. He instructs Sayid to wait in the car while he goes up to a room. Charlie’s there, drunk and surly. Hurley tells him he’s there to take him to the concert, but Charlie ain’t having it. Hurley tells him it will be the most important thing he’s ever done. Charlie still won’t go. Hurley shoots him with a tranquilizer gun and puts him in the back of the car.

“What was that?” Sayid asked.

“That was Charlie.”

On the island, Kate wants to know why Jack took the job. He says he had to. They share some mushy talk and Hurley tells them it would all be really sweet if they weren’t all about to die.

Sawyer gets busted by Ben as he spies on Locke. He realizes that Desmond is gone, pops Ben in the face and leaves but not before hinting to Locke that they are no longer candidates. Ben is pissed cause he realizes that Locke LITERALLY meant he was destroying the island. Locke realizes there are dog prints leading away from the well.

Desmond wakes up at Bernard and Rose’s house. Bernard goes off to get breakfast. Rose explains they built the house in 1975, lived there a few years, but the sky lit up so she doesn’t know what year it is. She tells Desmond that after he eats, he gotta get the hell up outta there. They don’t want no parts of no drama. Bernard returns followed by Ben and Locke. Locke tells Desmond that if he doesn’t go with him, he’ll kill Rose and Bernard.

Rose is all, “You don’t have to go anywhere with him.”

Rose is gangsta!

Desmond agrees after Locke gives his word that he won’t harm them.

Locke asks Desmond if he knows where they are going. Desmond assumes it’s a place with a really bright light. Ben’s walkie-talkie goes off.

“What was that?” Locke wants to know.

“What was what?” Ben asks.

Ben is awesome.

It’s Miles. He’s trying to let Ben know that he found Richard. Richard wakes up and tells Miles they need to go blow up the plane.

Um, why is he on LAST WEEK’S plan?

In Los Angeles, Miles shows up at his father’s benefit concert and sees Sayid in Hurley’s car as they are dropping off Charlie. He calls Sawyer and tells him and they agree that someone should check in on Sun, the only witness to the shootout at the restaurant.

At the hospital, Sun and Jin are in the hospital when Juliet arrives to give Sun a sonogram. When she does, Sun gets memories of her life. When Jin looks at the sonogram, his memories return. I’m a big crying mess at this point. Juliet remains confused.

On the island, Sawyer catches up with Hurley, Jack and Kate. Jack tells them that it doesn’t matter if Locke finds Desmond or not – they’re all headed to the same place anyway.

In Los Angeles, Jack prepares to operate on Locke. He is confident that the procedure will work.

On the island, Miles and Richard prepare to paddle over to Hydra island. Miles notices that Richard now has his first grey hair. This means he’s finally aging and Richard realizes he wants to live. As they paddle over, they find Lapidus on a flotation device. He tells them they really shouldn’t blow up the plane since he’s a pilot and might need it.

Locke and his crew meet up with Jack and his peeps on their way to the light. Kate immediately starts shooting at Locke – Ben and Desmond hit the dirt and I crack up laughing. Locke tells Kate to save her bullets. Locke realizes that Jack is the replacement and thinks it’s an obvious choice for Jacob, but Jack tells him he volunteered. Jack says they’re all going to the light and when they get there, he’s gonna kill Locke.

Everyone is all, “Oh, snap!!”

In Los Angeles, Jack and Juliet are at the hospital. Turns out, they used to be married and Juliet is the mother of Jack’s son. Sawyer shows up to see Sun.

On the island, Jack tells Sawyer he thinks Jacob had Desmond brought there because he’s a weapon to defeat Locke. He’s not sure how though. Sawyer comments, “That’s a long con.” And I agree. But it makes sense. As they approach the bamboo field, Locke says it should just be him, Jack and Desmond from there on. Before they go, Hurley tells Jack he believes in him.

Oh, and as if that’s not enough, there’s a storm coming.

As Jack ties Desmond to the rope that will lower him into the light, Desmond tells Jack that when he goes into that light he’s gonna go to a better place. A place where their loved ones are, and where they don’t have to think about the island. He tells Jack he’s in that place to. They sat next to each other on the plane. He wonders if he can take Jack there too.

Jack says that what happened, happened and there are no do-overs. This needs to be done. Then the three of them prepare to go into the cave.

In Los Angeles, Hurley and Sayid sit outside a bar. Hurley says that there are rules so he can’t tell Sayid what’s going on, but he wants Sayid to trust him. He tells Sayid that he knows he’s a good guy. Sayid says that Hurley doesn’t know anything him, but Hurley says he knows a lot about him. Tow guys come out of the bar fighting. A girl runs out. “Leave my brother alone!” She gets pushed to the ground. Sayid rushes out to help her and … it’s Shannon! They each have flashes where they remember their lives together. And I’m a crying mess again!

Boone runs over and we realize it was all a plan to get Shannon and Sayid to remember. Apparently, Boone has already been enlightened.

On the island, Miles radios Ben and tells him, Kate and Sawyer that they have Lapidus and they’re gonna get the plane up and running. Claire shows up and acts all crazy again. She thinks they’re there to kill her for Locke. They tell her they’re not, that they’re gonna fix the plane and leave, but she refuses to go with them.

Locke and Jack lower Desmond into the cave. Locke wants to reminisce, but Jack points out that it’s not really Locke and that he disrespects Locke’s memory by wearing his face.

In Los Angeles, Juliet has to leave the benefit to go back to the hospital. She leaves David with Claire. Backstage, Charlotte wakes up Charlie because it’s time for him to perform. Daniel sees Charlotte and is immediately smitten. They don’t have a flash moment though because this isn’t about them. Perhaps they’ll have their own time.

Kate is shocked to see Claire at her table with Desmond. They sit down as the concert begins. Daniel and Drive Shaft take the stage and when Charlie sees Claire, he can’t stop staring. She is like, “Why is this creepy heroin boy staring at me? Oh, and also, I’m in labor.”

On the island, Desmond goes into this big of light and removes a stone from a hole in the middle of it. Everything goes dark, and the water into the pool stops flowing. The island starts to shake and the earth underneath glows red.

“It looks like you were wrong. Goodbye, Jack.”

Ruh-roh.

Jack goes to stop him by kicking his ass. It seems that whatever Desmond did, made him mortal and Locke can now bleed. (Wow, it was a long con.) When Locke realizes this, he busts Jack in the head with a rock and hauls ass.

In Los Angeles, Kate helps Claire backstage as her labor progresses. Eloise Faraday Widmore approaches Desmond’s table and says, “I thought I told you to stop this.” She wants to know what happens when everyone knows. Desmond says, “Then we’re leaving.” She asks if he’s going to take Daniel. “Not with me.”

See, she’s not ready for her son to move on.

Kate delivers Aaron and she and Claire remember. When Charlie shows up with a blanket, Claire takes his hand and then he remembers too.

Do I even need to say that I lost my shit?

Desmond walks up and asks Kate, “Do you understand?”

She asks, “Now what?

On the island, it’s raining and everything is going to hell. Ben pushes Hurley out of the way of a falling tree and gets pinned. Jack wakes up and heads to the cave looking for Desmond. He then goes after Locke.

Kate, Sawyer, and Hurley try to free Ben. Miles calls on the walkie and tells them they need to get their asses to the plane. Ben says they can take Locke’s boat. Yeah, after they get you from under that damn tree.

Locke is cliffside, looking out at his boat and preparing to leave when Jack shows up.

“LOCKE!”

He turns, sees Jack, and pulls out that big ass knife. They run at each other, one going down hill, the other heading up, in the rain. The scene cuts just as Jack jumps at him Gladiator-style.

Awesome.

They fight on the cliff. Locke stabs Jack and that explains his sideways self having a scar that he didn’t remember. Locke starts to cut Jack’s throat (also explaining those wounds) when Kate shows up, shooting Locke in the back.

“I saved you a bullet.”

As the island continues to shake, Locke tells Jack, “You’re too late.” Jack kicks him over the edge.

In Los Angeles, Jack and a nurse are wheeling Locke to his recovery room. The nurse asks why Jack’s neck is bleeding. After Locke is put into his bed, he starts to wake up. He tells Jack that he can feel his legs. Jack says this is unlikely. He moves the sheet back and watches as Locke wiggles his toes. When Locke does, he remembers everything. Jack doesn’t yet, even though he got a small flash of looking down the hatch with Locke. He’s still not ready.

Locke tells him they need to go, but Jack says he needs to see his son. Locke points out that Jack doesn’t have one. Locke tells Jack that he hopes someone does for him what Jack just did for Locke.

On the island, the rain has stopped, but the island is still sinking. The rope ladder leading to the ocean is all jacked up. Jack is bleeding badly.

In Los Angeles, Sawyer finds Sun and Jin’s room. They are preparing to leave. They are also amused that Sawyer is a detective. He shows them a pic of Sayid and Sun assures Sawyer that she is safe. As they leave, Jin tells Sawyer, “We’ll see you there.”

“See me where?!”

On the island, Lapidus gives Miles some duct tape and a manual to fix the hydraulics. Lapidus is all business and wont even talk to Ben on the walkie talkie. He tosses it into the co-pilot’s seat. Jack tells Sawyer to get Kate on the boat and to the plane. Ben gives the walkie to Sawyer and says if the island is going down, he’s going down with it. Hurley also wants to stay with Jack.

Jack tells Kate to get Claire on the plane. She wants Jack to tell her she will see him again, but he can’t. They kiss and tell each other they love one another and then he leaves with Ben and Hurley.

I hope people get that that was the last time they ever saw each other alive.

Miles is working on the plane with Richard. “I don’t believe in a lot of things, but I believe in duct tape.” Ha!

Sawyer radios Lapidus and tells him to wait for them. He says, “We’re getting off the ground while there’s still ground.” And tosses the radio aside… AGAIN!

“Son of a bitch!” That may be his last Son of a Bitch of the series.

In Los Angeles, Sawyer gets directions to the vending machines from Jack and is fighting with the vending machine, which refuses to drop his Apollo bar, when Juliet shows up.

She tells him that if he unplugs it and plugs it back in, it will give him the candy. He mistakenly unplugs the lights instead. When she hands him the candy bar, they each remember short flashes.

She says, “We should get coffee sometime…”

“I’d love to, but the machine ate my dollar. I only got one left.”

“We can go dutch.”

They hug, kiss, and cry and I nearly vomit from crying so hard.

In Los Angeles, Jack shows up after the concert has ended. Kate is there and Jack realizes that he knows her. She tells him that she stole his pen on the flight from Australia, but that’s not where she knows him from. She touches his face and he gets short flashes.

“I’ve missed you so much.”

He wants to know what is happening to him and she tells him she can show him if he’ll go with her.

On the island, Ben, Jack and Hurley make it back to the cave with the light. Hurley realizes that Jack is going to put the light back on, but die in the process. Jack tells Hurley that it needs to be him to protect the island. Jack’s purpose was to kill Locke and then fix the island. Hurley’s purpose was to protect it. Jack gets Hurley to drink some of the water and Hurley becomes like Jack. Ben and Hurley lower Jack down into the cave.

Lapidus gets the plane running.

Jack ties Desmond to the rope and tells him he’s done his job. He needs to go home to his wife and son. Jack will handle putting the light back on. “See you in another life, brutha.”

Kate and Sawyer find Claire on the beach. She doesn’t want to leave because she knows the island made her crazy and she doesn’t want Aaron to see her like that. Kate pretty much smacks the bitch out of her crazy talk and they head for the plane.

Sawyer tries radioing Lapidus, but the walkie is on the floor and Miles and Richard are busy giving him direction on how to back the plane up without hitting trees and shit.

They hit the runway and see Sawyer, Kate and Claire. Richard and Miles help them aboard.

Jack struggles to hold his insides inside as he moves the stone back to the middle of the pool. He finally gets it into place just as the plane is taking off.

Jack lays by the stone as things start to settle down and the water begins to flow again. The light turns back on. He laughs and cries with relief.

In Los Angeles, a cab drops Locke off at the church where Christian’s body was delivered. He’s still in a wheelchair. Ben is sitting outside the church. Locke asks if everyone is already inside. Ben says most of them are. Ben then apologizes for what he did to Locke. He says he was selfish and jealous of John. Because John was special and he wasn’t. Locke forgives Ben. Ben says he still has things to work out and that he’s gonna stay there awhile. He also points out that Locke doesn’t need to be in the chair anymore. Locke stands, says goodbye and walks into the church.

On the island, Ben and Hurley have pulled up Desmond and Ben says that he thinks Desmond is going to be okay. Hurley realizes Jack is gone and that he is now the island’s protector. He asks if Ben will help him out and Ben says he’d be honored to. Ben also points out that Hurley doesn’t have to run things the way Jacob did.

In Los Angeles, Hurley comes out of the church and asks Ben if he’s coming in. Ben says no. Hurley tells him that Ben made a great Number 2. Ben tells Hurley he was a great Number 1.

Kate and Jack arrive and she tells him they are there because it is the church where he was going to have his father’s funeral. She tells him to go around back and she’ll be waiting inside.

On the island, Jack wakes up in the exact spot the Man In Black was washed up on when he died. He stumbles through the jungle.

At the church, Jack enters a room and finds his father’s coffin. As he touches it, he gets the flashes and finally lets go. When he opens the coffin, he finds it empty. His father shows up and tells him that Jack is dead. They (the crash survivors) made that place (sideways world) as a place to meet and move on. This is because they were all so special to one another.

As Jack makes his way into the church, his life on the island comes to an end just as it began – the bamboo field, with his father’s tennis shoe hanging from a piece of bamboo, and Vincent the dog at his side. The Ajira flight soars overhead and he knows his friends made if off the island before he dies.

Everyone at the church embraces and takes seats at the pews. Christian Shepherd exits the church letting in a bright light. They all look at the light, comforted, happy, and at peace.

The final shot is Jack’s eye closing as he dies.

Matthew Fox said that if they did their jobs, the finale would be beautiful.

I think they did their jobs.

What do you think?

Lost S6 Epi. 15 “What They Died For”

Theories, observations, questions and predictions will be in bold. I’m also gonna point out answers to previous questions in red since so many complain that each episode doesn’t answer anything and I completely disagree.

Previously on Lost: Sawyer pulls the wires on the bomb and we lose Sayid, Sun, and Jin.

And now..

In Los Angeles, Jacks wakes up at home (yet another episode that starts with an eye-opening shot… in my other recaps I kept track of how many scenes like this there were) and discovers a pretty nasty cut on his neck. He’s missing skin. He doesn’t have time to worry about it too much because his son asks if he wants to have breakfast. They have a family bonding moment with Claire, who is living with them now.

Jack gets a call from Oceanic. They’ve located his father’s coffin and it will be in L.A. by the end of the day. The caller isn’t from Oceanic at all. It’s Desmond.

On the island, Jack sews up Kate’s wound – just like she did for him the day they met. She talks about Sun and Jin’s daughter and how he never got to meet her. She says Locke did this to them and that they have to kill him.

“I know,” he replies.

Later, they watch as debris from the sub floats ashore. If a body washes up, I’m gonna lose my shit. Jack tells the others about Desmond being in a well and that if Locke wants him dead, they’re gonna need him. Everyone mounts up.

In Los Angeles, Desmond watches as Locke returns to school. He starts his car, but Ben shows up and demands that he stop. He tells Desmond he’s not gonna let him hurt Locke again. Desmond gets out the car and says he doesn’t want to hurt Locke, but help him let go. Ben wants to know who Desmond is, and Desmond starts to beat Ben up. This causes Ben to “remember” when Desmond beat his ass on the pier when Ben came to kill Penny.

On the island, Ben, Miles and Richard are making their way to The Others’ old houses. Ben says he has C4 hidden in the secret room behind his bookcase. They can use that to blow up the plane. As they walk by a house, Miles gets some communication from a dead person. Ben wants to know who, but Miles stalls. Richard tells Ben it’s Alex. After Ben left the island, Richard buried her on the spot they’re standing on. Ben thanks Richard.

In Ben’s house, he pulls back the bookcase and Miles notices another room within the secret room.

“What’s that? A secreter room?”

Ha!

Ben says that’s where he was told he could summon the monster, but that was before he realized the monster was summoning him.

Told by whom?!?

Ben opens a safe and gets all of the C4 after Richard says they want to blow the plane to hell. They hear someone in the house and it’s Zoe (Tina Fey) and Charles Widmore.

“Hello, Benjamin. Can I come in?”

Oh, snap!

Widmore tells Zoe to go get their equipment from their outrigger at the dock. Widmore tells Richard that he has already rigged the plane. Ben wants to know how Charles got back to the island and Widmore says that Jacob visited him soon after his freighter was blown up. He told Widmore he needed to return for this exact purpose. Before they can talk further, Zoe radios that Locke is coming. Widmore tells her to run back to the house.

In Los Angeles, Ben is in the nurse’s office at the school and tells Locke what Desmond told him about trying to get Locke to let go. Locke realizes this is what Jack said to him

Desmond walks into the police station asking for a detective. Miles is getting all dolled up to go to a benefit concert at his Dad’s museum (same benefit that Jack’s son is playing in and Jack is attending.) Desmond confesses to Sawyer that he ran over Locke and then beat up Ben. Desmond is placed in the same cell as Sayid and next to Kate.

On the island, they’re headed to the well to look for Desmond and Sawyer tells Jack that he killed Sayid, Sun and Jin by tampering with the bomb. Jack tells Sawyer that he didn’t kill them, Locke did. (Actually, Sawyer kinda did. Locke CAN’T kill them.)

Hurley sees a young Jacob in the jungle and chases after him. He tells Hurley to give him the ashes he took from Ilana’s things after she died (Jacob’s ashes.) He takes them and runs and Hurley chases him again till he finds Jacob sitting by a fire. He tells Hurley that his ashes are in the fire and when the fire burns out, Hurley will never see him again. He tells Hurley to get his friends because they are very close to the end.

Yikes!

On the island, Locke notices the outrigger and heads towards the camp. Widmore and Zoe are going to hide in Ben’s secret room, Ben is going to face Locke and Richard is going to try and reason with him. Miles is going to haul ass through the jungle. I like Miles’ plan.

Richard and Ben go outside and Locke smoke monster shows up and knocks Richard pummels into Richard. Ben calmly sits on the porch of his house and stays there till Locke walks up. Locke tells Ben that he needs him to kill some people for him. He says if he does that, Ben can have the island all to himself. Ben agrees and then totally dimes out that Widmore and Zoe are hiding in his closet.

In Los Angeles, Alex sees that Ben is hurt and offers to give him a ride home with her Mom. Danielle Rousseau introduces herself and they invite him over for dinner. At the house, Danielle tells Ben that Alex’s father died when she was two and that Ben is the closest thing to a father Alex has ever had. This touches Ben and he starts to cry.

There’s a moment at the end of the scene where he looks at her and I swear you can see him having another flash.

On the island, Ben leads Locke to Widmore. Locke tells Ben to wait outside – that he doesn’t want to see this, but Ben says he does. Locke tells Widmore it’s nice to talk to him without the fences between them. He wants to know who Zoe is and as she starts to answer, Widmore instructs her not to. Locke slits her throat. Locke recognizes that Widmore isn’t afraid to die so he tells him that when he leaves, he will kill Penny. Widmore tells him that Desmond Hume was brought to the island because of his unique resistance to electromagnetic energy. Desmond was a last resort. He wont say more in front of Ben so Locke tells him to whisper it. As he does, Ben shoots and kills Widmore.

“He doesn’t get to save his daughter.”

Locke is willing to let this go as Widmore has already told him what he needed to know. Ben then asks, “Did you say there are some other people to kill?”

DAY-UM!

Hurley leads Kate, Jack and Sawyer to Jacob. It’s now nighttime. Hurley is surprised that they can all now see him. Kate asks if he’s the one that wrote their names on the wall. Jacob says he is. Kate wants to know why he chose them and why their friends had to die. Jacob says that they should sit down and he’ll tell them everything because by the time the fire goes out, one of them will have to take the job of protecting the island.

In Los Angeles, Locke goes to see Jack and tells him about what happened with Desmond and Ben. He tells Jack that maybe everything is happening for a reason. He agrees to let Jack fix him.

On the island, Jacob tells the group that he brought them there because he made a mistake. He says he made the monster the way he is and because of that, the monster wants to kill him. He knew he’d eventually figure out a way to do so, and when he did, Jacob would need a replacement.

Sawyer says their lives were fine before Jacob went messing with them. Jacob tells them that their lives weren’t fine. They were all alone and going nowhere. He said that they were all like him; flawed and alone. He chose them because they all needed the island as much as it needed them.

Kate asks why her name was crossed out and Jacob tells her it is because she became a mother. He says it was just a line with some chalk. If she wants the job, it’s hers.

This explains the Kwons then…. maybe. Sun became a mother and the name wasn’t crossed out so that probably means the Kwon in question was Jin.

Jack wants to know what the job is. Jacob says there’s a light at the center of the island and the job is to make sure it never goes out. It needs to be protected from Locke. Jack asks if it’s even possible to kill Locke. Jacob says, “I hope so because he’s certainly going to try and kill you.”

Hurley wants to know how Jacob is going to pick. Jacob says he isn’t going to. He wants them to ahve the one thing he was never given – a choice. If none of them chooses, it will all end very badly.

Jack says he’ll do it. It’s why he’s there. It’s what he’s supposed to do.

Jack and Jacob head to a river. Sawyer comments that Jack’s God-complex is gonna be off da hook now. Hurley says he’s glad it’s not him.

Jacob tells Jack that the light is near where he first woke up on the island. Jack says there’s nothing is, but Jacob assures him it is and that now he’ll be able to find it. Jacob chants over some water and instructs Jack to drink it. Jack wants to know how long he’ll have to do the job and Jacob tells him, “As long as you can.” Jack drinks the water and you can tell he feels different.

“Now you’re like me” Jacob says.

In Los Angeles, Sawyer approaches the jail cells and tells Desmond, Sayid and Kate that they’re being transported to county lockup. Kate tries to get Sawyer to let her go by flirting and proclaiming innocence, but Sawyer aint having it.

In the transport van, Desmond tells Sayid and Kate it’s time to leave. He says that when the van stops, they’ll have to give him their trust. After he sets them free, he will ask each of them to do something and they have to promise to do it. They both promise. The van stops and Ana Lucia lets them go. Yay! She wants to know where Desmond’s friend is with her money.

Hurley shows up in a Hummer and apologizes for being late.

“You didn’t tell me Ana Lucia was gonna be here.”

“Do I know you, tubby?”

“No. No. We’ve never met.”

She takes her money and leaves. Desmond tells Hurley Ana Lucia isn’t going with them because she’s not ready yet. Sayid leaves with Hurley and Desmond tells Kate they’re going to a concert as he hands her a cocktail dress.

On the island, Ben and Locke are walking through the woods when Ben asks Locke why he bothers to walk if he can turn into smoke. He says he likes feeling his feet on the ground because it reminds him that he’s human. They come upon the well and Locke realizes that Desmond isn’t dead and someone helped him out.

Ben wants to know what Widmore said to him. He tells Ben that Desmond is the fail-safe. What can be used to keep Locke on the island if Locke managed to kill all of Jacob’s beloved candidates. Locke tells Ben he’s going to find Desmond and get him to do the one thing he could never do himself – destroy the island.

Observations/Thoughts/Questions/Predictions:

• I’m not a religious person, but those wounds on Jack made me think of the stigmata. But what really strikes me is that they’re starting to look more and more like he’s had his throat cut. Could this be some kind of foreshadowing for something that’s gonna happen on the island? Donny wonders if it’s corresponding to what happened to him back in season one after the plane crashed. What I think he means is: the plane didn’t crash, but it did. So let’s say that as the sideways world is going on, Charlie in Los Angeles might get a neck injury around the same time Charlie on the island was hanged by Ethan Rom. I think it’s more a sign of things to come. OH, Donny did point out weeks ago during the episode, “Happily Ever After” that Desmond on the island had a bruise on his forehead right where Desmond in Los Angeles had a bandage from his accident with Charlie.
• I think it’s pretty obvious that this benefit concert at Miles’ Dad’s museum is important. Jack’s son is playing there so one would assume that Jack and Claire are attending. Miles invited Saywer. Charlotte will be there. Desmond and Kate are going. I told Donny, “They’re all gonna get there and the band will play All Along the Watchtower and they’ll realize that this has all happened before and it will happen again.”
• I was still wondering (even after Ben shot Widmore) if he were playing Locke. I can understand him going along with Locke long enough to see Widmore dead. Widmore is responsible for Alex’s death, but I thought Ben had achieved some kind of redemption earlier in the season. Of course, redemption on this show is usually followed by death so.. maybe not. Anyway, I’m not really sure Ben is in it to really kill the rest of the candidates. It seems like a sloppy way to make the villains be who we thought they were all along. But now that Locke has revealed that he’s going to use Desmond to destroy the island, why would Ben go along with that?! He wants the island all to himself. He always has. The only thing I can see is that now, with the threat of there being NO island is the candidates aren’t killed, Ben will really have no choice but to kill them all. Nicely played, Locke. Nicely played.
• I think everyone is going to die on the island. I just can’t shake this feeling that that will happen. I mean, for one, how the frak are they (Hurley, Sawyer, Kate, Miles and don’t forget, Bernard and Rose are still out there somewhere) going to leave the island? Even if someone removes the explosives, who can fly the plane? There are no more subs or boats. Maybe Jack’s new job comes with super human teleporting abilities. *shrugs*

What do you think?

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