Listen To Your Wife

There’s a very good chance there will be some domestic abuse going down in my house tonight.

I am furious.

I’m going to tell you the moral of this story now, instead of waiting till the end. The moral is: listen to your wife. We do not exist to make your life miserable or tell you what to do. If you’ve chosen right, your wife is probably your biggest supporter and champion. But this comes at a cost. Every once in a while you’ll have to just do what the fuck she tells you to! Especially when she has a track record of being right 9 out of 10 times!

So, when your wife tells you she thinks she saw a critter in the garage, you might want to, you know, do the husbandly thing and investigate!

This way, when she gets back from dropping your daughter off at school, and she’s in the closed garage walking around to the back passenger-side door to take your son out of his car seat, and she hears a noise that makes her think an intruder is in the garage, but instead finds herself looking at a giant brown animal chilling on top of the old TV next to the futon frame, she’s not hauling ass back into the car while screaming her head off!

This way, she’s not sitting in the back seat next to your son, who’s looking at her like, “What the fuck?”

This way, she doesn’t have to crawl into the front to start the car, to put the TV back on in the car to keep your son from freaking out and sweating to death in the garage. She won’t then have to call you and yell at you.

Also, when she tells you that you should put the house key on the car keyring, you should do that.

This way, when she plans on backing out the garage and going in the house through the front door she can do that. This way, when she calls you and asks where the key is and you say, “Either on the washer or dryer,” she won’t bust a fucking blood vessel!

This way, she won’t find herself trying to hold your son, her cell phone, a take-out bag of breakfast and a large cup of steaming coffee while running into the house, scared that a rabid critter is going to bite her on the ankle or scurry into the house.

I’m just sayin’.

Fall TV 2010

I made a decent dent in my Summer TV Viewing schedule.

• Fringe season 1 and 2 – check!
• CSI season 10 – check!
• Rescue Me season 5 vol. 1 & 2 – check! And bonus, I watched season 6, too!
• The Shield season 7 – check!
• Stargate Atlantis seasons 2 thru 5 – check! Stargate Universe season 1 – check! Thank you, Netflix instant streaming!
• Breaking Bad seasons 1 & 2 – check! (Gonna get season 3 soon).
• Mad Men seasons 1 thru now – check!
• Prison Break seasons 3 & 4 – check!

And as a bonus, I bought and watched all four seasons of Friday Night Lights and it fast became one of my all-time favorite shows. Then there were the shows I watched that weren’t on my list: Dollhouse seasons 1 & 2 and Terminator: Sarah Connor Chronicles season 2. Not to mention I actually managed to re-watch shows like Roswell, Buffy and Angel and the last two seasons of Lost.

Yeah, I’m a TV-watching badass. But now it’s time to settle in to the new fall shows and returning favorites. I’ve made my annual spreadsheet (hey, FOUR TiVos, people!) and I have to say: it’s kinda weird making a fall schedule that doesn’t include Battlestar Galactica, LOST, 24, or Nip/Tuck. Whatever shall I watch?

Have you ever seen my schedule so barren?!

I was going to lessen my Netflix subscription from five/mo (summer viewing) to one/mo, but I don’t know now. Maybe I’ll go back down to three/month because this schedule doesn’t look like it will satisfy much.

Sunday: The Amazing Race, Dexter, Desperate Housewives.

- The obvious winner here is Dexter. I pay for Showtime for three months out of the year just for Dexter.

But I have to say, this watermelon to the face on Amazing Race is HILARIOUS!

Monday: The Event, Chase, Hawaii Five-O

- The Event has promise. Some early reviews call it “the new LOST.” I don’t know about all THAT, but it’s probably the new show I’m looking forward to the most. I’m watching Hawaii Five-O only to support Jin from LOST and Boomer from BSG. Yeah, I said it.

* Funny story about The Event. While watching The Emmys a commercial came on for The Event. When Blair Underwood said he’s the president, Kali said, “You’re not! Obama is the president. Just because you’re black doesn’t mean you’re the president.” A few minutes later he comes out on the stage to present an award and Kali says (I shit you not), “He kinda looks like Obama.” I said, “Kali, that’s the same man you just said didn’t look like Obama.” “Ooooh, they tricked me!”

Tuesday: Glee, Raising Hope, The Good Wife, No Ordinary Family

- Need I say it? GLEEEEEE!!!!

Raising Hope looks funny. I love The Good Wife and I’m looking forward to more of the lovely Archi Punjabi now that she’s won an Emmy for her portrayal as the sexy and resourceful Kalinda. I wish No Ordinary Family had a better name.

Raising Hope – this preview makes me laugh and cry…

Wednesday: Undercovers, Law & Order: SVU, Law & Order: Los Angeles, Modern Family, Detroit 187, Criminal Minds, Survivor

- I’m happy to see a show with a mainstream premise starring a black couple. Thank you, J.J. Abrams! He consistently casts the most diverse casts that represent what the world REALLY looks like. However, I’m sure the show won’t last. I’ll support it anyway. Donny is making me watch Detroit 187. And we are big Criminal Minds fans in this house. Why, oh why, did they move Survivor to Wednesdays?!

Thursday: Bones, Fringe, Vampire Diaries, Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, CSI, Nikita

- I still need to get caught up on Bones. We LOVE Fringe and I’ve been singing its praises to anyone that would listen all summer. Vampires Diaries was a surprise to me last season. I didn’t expect it to be so good. Ian Somerhalder’s fine ass doesn’t hurt and the season finale was jaw-dropping. I loved the movie La Femme Nikita so I’ve decided to give this 2nd TV reincarnation a shot.

Friday: Medium, Smallville, Supernatural

- CBS bumped Medium up to 8pm which suggests that the tone may not be as dark as previous seasons. This is Smallville’s last season and I’m sure the same is true for Supernatural (another great show I wish more people would watch).

There’s a very good chance that I can actually cancel the service to the TiVo in Jack’s room if I don’t watch Modern Family and move Criminal Minds to the TV in the family room and if I give up CSI altogether. We’ll see.

My fall schedule begins tomorrow night when Vampire Diaries returns!

What about you? What are you excited about?

STOP THE PRESSES! I just found out there’s a show on AMC this fall about … wait for it… wait for it… wait… for … it . . .

The ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE!

The Walking Dead has lots of promise!