Take It or Leave It: Crotch Shots and Low Blows
When trying to get to my seat in a sporting event or movie theater do I face my ass or my crotch towards the other patrons? Thanks!
Confuzzled in Conroe, TX
How bout you get there early enough so that you don’t have to worry about doing either?
I kid. I kid.
This is a serious question and something I’ve struggled with it. I’m not a big fan of putting my crotch in people’s faces (at least not for free), but I have to say that if I’m the person doing the scooting by, I’d prefer to face the person I’m annoying. I want to see the look of disgust and inconvenience as I block their view and step on their toes.
And this holds true if I’m the person seated as well. Butts are rude and I don’t want to see yours. I want you to face me so I can be sure that you see my look of disgust and inconvenience as you block my view and step on my toes.
So, my final answer is, you can’t go wrong with a crotch shot.
(Just make sure you wash your lady parts before you leave the house and you should be fine.)
Dear Not So Flat-Chested,
I’m glad that you already recognize that a true friend isn’t someone that constantly puts you down and makes fun of you. You’ve already uncovered what I think is the real problem: your “friend” has low self-esteem. She needs to find problems (or things she perceives to be problems) with you to make her feel better about her own life.
Now if it were me, immediately after she made the boobs comment, I’d have jumped in her ass. But that’s just me and I realize that not everyone is as badass. So maybe you don’t say something like, “Bitch, I can always get a boob job, but you can’t buy a new husband,” but a, “Don’t be surprised if I never come over here again,” might have done the trick.
Either she’d have stopped, knowing exactly what you meant, and apologized OR she’d have pressed on, playing stupid, “What do you mean? I was just joking!” The latter would have provided you the perfect opportunity to lay out why her comment was rude, inappropriate, and humiliating. Saying something right then would have also let her know that such mess won’t be tolerated.
But what’s done is done. From here on out I say you definitely deal with this head-on. If there’s one thing I can’t stand is people that hold on to grievances in silence. Whether you’re right or wrong in the way you feel (and it doesn’t sound like you’re wrong when it comes to this “friend), you need to get this out. A phone call or email should do.
“Listen, I know I haven’t been returning your calls, but that’s because when you said blah, blah, blah, that really pissed me off and hurt my feelings. Also, when you blah, blah, blah, that bothers me too. It’s just been easier not dealing with you. I don’t need to spend time with someone who is constantly being a bitch.”
Note: you’re not making any mention of continuing the friendship if that’s not what you want. This is strictly about making a clean break so she can stop calling and hopefully change her behavior in the future. If you want to give the friendship another shot, then you say the same as above but add, “Bitch,you got one more time to come out your face and I’ma hurt your feelings and be done with you.”
And, you’re welcome.
So, what do you guys think of my advice. Should Confuzzled and Itty Bitty Titties take my advice or leave it? Anything you want to add?
And if you or someone you know needs me to solve a problem, shoot an email to email@example.com and you might see it featured here in future installment of Take It or Leave It.