Take It or Leave It: Crotch Shots and Low Blows

April 23, 2010 by  
Filed under Featured, Take It Or Leave It

Dear Nina,

When trying to get to my seat in a sporting event or movie theater do I face my ass or my crotch towards the other patrons? Thanks!

Confuzzled in Conroe, TX

Dear Confuzzled,

How bout you get there early enough so that you don’t have to worry about doing either?

I kid. I kid.

This is a serious question and something I’ve struggled with it. I’m not a big fan of putting my crotch in people’s faces (at least not for free), but I have to say that if I’m the person doing the scooting by, I’d prefer to face the person I’m annoying. I want to see the look of disgust and inconvenience as I block their view and step on their toes.

And this holds true if I’m the person seated as well. Butts are rude and I don’t want to see yours. I want you to face me so I can be sure that you see my look of disgust and inconvenience as you block my view and step on my toes.

So, my final answer is, you can’t go wrong with a crotch shot.

(Just make sure you wash your lady parts before you leave the house and you should be fine.)


Dear Nina,

I have a “friend” who takes great pleasure in making fun of me and putting me down. Under normal circumstances, I would not tolerate this kind of treatment, however, b/c she has a hard life (abusive husband, no other friends, self esteem issues) I tend to let a lot of things slide.
For example, at one of her barbecues, she called me out in front of her entire family, saying, “Doesn’t X have the smallest boobs you’ve ever seen?” I was so embarrassed I was speechless. She also puts down my personal choices like nursing — “Boobs are for men, not for babies.”

However, lately, the way she treats me has me really fed up. I find myself avoiding her at all costs and not taking her phone calls. She hasn’t gotten the hint and stopped calling. Should I approach this head-on and tell her that I no longer want to be her friend or should I take the easy way out and keep ignoring her?

(Not really so) Flat-chested in Philly

Dear Not So Flat-Chested,

I’m glad that you already recognize that a true friend isn’t someone that constantly puts you down and makes fun of you. You’ve already uncovered what I think is the real problem: your “friend” has low self-esteem. She needs to find problems (or things she perceives to be problems) with you to make her feel better about her own life.

Now if it were me, immediately after she made the boobs comment, I’d have jumped in her ass. But that’s just me and I realize that not everyone is as badass. So maybe you don’t say something like, “Bitch, I can always get a boob job, but you can’t buy a new husband,” but a, “Don’t be surprised if I never come over here again,” might have done the trick.

Either she’d have stopped, knowing exactly what you meant, and apologized OR she’d have pressed on, playing stupid, “What do you mean? I was just joking!” The latter would have provided you the perfect opportunity to lay out why her comment was rude, inappropriate,  and humiliating. Saying something right then would have also let her know that such mess won’t be tolerated.

But what’s done is done. From here on out I say you definitely deal with this head-on. If there’s one thing I can’t stand is people that hold on to grievances in silence. Whether you’re right or wrong in the way you feel (and it doesn’t sound like you’re wrong when it comes to this “friend), you need to get this out. A phone call or email should do.

“Listen, I know I haven’t been returning your calls, but that’s because when you said blah, blah, blah, that really pissed me off and hurt my feelings. Also, when you blah, blah, blah, that bothers me too. It’s just been easier not dealing with you. I don’t need to spend time with someone who is constantly being a bitch.”

Note: you’re not making any mention of continuing the friendship if that’s not what you want. This is strictly about making a clean break so she can stop calling and hopefully change her behavior in the future. If you want to give the friendship another shot, then you say the same as above but add, “Bitch,you got one more time to come out your face and I’ma hurt your feelings and be done with you.”

And, you’re welcome.



So, what do you guys think of my advice. Should Confuzzled and Itty Bitty Titties take my advice or leave it? Anything you want to add?

And if you or someone you know needs me to solve a problem, shoot an email to nina@blogitoutb.com and you might see it featured here in future installment of Take It or Leave It.

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17 Responses to “Take It or Leave It: Crotch Shots and Low Blows”
  1. Cassie says:

    I like walking with my butt to people so I can crop-dust them iffin I want….and hey, with all the spicy foods I eat, it happens pretty often…it’s a free laugh at others expense!! lol



    and yeah, I def. agree with your advise to the not so itty bitty titty lady……

  2. Dan Whipkey says:

    Flat chested needs to get a boob job and sleep with her friends husband..that’ll shut her up.

  3. Bennett says:

    A perfect 10 on both accounts. Now I need to think up a question for you…


  4. Jen says:

    Awesome advice, Nina! I miss ya!! I use ‘Just Sayin and iffin i want all the time. The one I use the most though is “Right?!!?”

  5. Samone says:

    I agree!

    I did exactly what you advised itty bitty itty lady the other day to a so called mate…. after I delt him some of his own medicine and then told him why I did that…. he’s so full of himself though that the poor guy is still in shock and not talking to me! lol
    He even told a mutual friend he is cutting me away, which is funny, cos I had already done that to him!

  6. Cat says:

    Holy Cow!! I’ll definitely take your wonderful advice from here on out. I can definitely put my crotch in their faces AND Crop dust! Best of both worlds!! Thanks Nina!!

  7. Patti says:

    I wish punching people in the face wasn’t something punishable by law, because that would be the perfect fix for the boob lady.

  8. Shannon says:

    Your advice was awesome. I have had more than one “friend” like Not So Flat-Chested and had to distance myself. These are usually the back-stabbing type bitches like the ones who like to whore around with married men. I hate those bitches.

  9. mary says:

    No-So Flat and Nina,

    I had one of those relationships. I just stopped taking her calls. I asked my sister her advice on whether and how I should answer the subsequent barrage of “why aren’t you speaking to me?” emails. Debra said – and I paraphrase, but it’s close: “You can do one of three things. First, you can tell her she’s sucking the life out of you and that you’re done. Second, you can have a conversation with her about the things that are upsetting you, which won’t be received well because I know the bitch. Third, you can ignore her and just never speak to her again, which is what you’re more likely to do because I know you, too.”

    Of course, she was right; I chose the third method. I was long past the second method because if she wanted to stop being such a selfish cunt, she could have done it without my help. I tried having an honest conversation with her about how her current behavior was unacceptable – I even prefaced it with, “you’re not going to like what I have to say” and “you’re going to get mad at me for saying this”. Of course, she got mad at me and didn’t really hear anything I had to say. (Proving that she had no plans to stop being a selfish cunt.) I decided when I hung up the phone that I was just done. I wouldn’t matter which of the three methods I’d used. I was DONE.

    When you decide you’re done, Not-So-Flat, you’ll know.

    (I will say, however, that I now know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of the perpetual silent treatment, and I *might* change my method if I could go back in time. But, it’s not at the top of my Time Machine Things To Do list, and I’d still want her out of my life.)

  10. Dirty says:

    Everyone should get rid of toxic relationships! Even if it’s a family member..suck the life out of me and i’m out.

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