Snoopy McSnooperstein
February 16, 2010 by nina
Filed under Mommy Monday
I would like to point out right away that I was not snooping on purpose. Oh, I was snooping, but it was because the opportunity to do so kinda fell in my lap. Like, when you find a dollar on the street. You don’t walk around looking for dollars on the street, but when one presents itself, you’d be a dumbass not to take it.
And, quite frankly, even if I were looking to snoop, it would be my right seeing as how I carried her for nine months and went through 26 hours of labor (24 without drugs) and pushed her out in 53 minutes which, I’m told, is a Herculean-like feat for a first time pusher.
And really, let’s blame Facebook. And Farmville while we’re at it. It’s not my fault that Kali got bored with Farmville after a week forcing me to log in to her Facebook account and tend to her farm because really, I take my farming very fucking seriously. And, and, and, it’s not my fault Facebook allows two people to be logged in to the same account from separate laptops thus allowing me to see everything that is going on with her account in real time.
Note: So, if you are a parent looking for a way to snoop, there you have it. You’re welcome. And don’t feel bad, damnit. It is your God-given right!
Usually, I give Kali a heads-up that I am logging in to her account so she can log out. It is so annoying to have her little chat boxes popping up when I’m trying to harvest my crops. A grown ass woman can only take but so much OMGs and LOLs and my personal favorite, OMGCYBI?!!111!?
Last night I didn’t tell her I was logging in because I planned on being in and out. I posted a feather collection and I wanted her to snatch one. (Don’t judge me!) So, there I am waiting for Farmville to load when a chat box pops up. (I’d also like to point out that Kali has about 12 chat boxes minimized at the bottom of her screen. I honestly don’t know how she does it.)
So, this chat box pops up and it’s from a little boy in her class. Let’s call him “David.” And I’m pretty sure he’s the little boy pulled from school early the day Obama gave his speech to students and he told Kali, “My parents don’t like Obama and black people.”
Fucking lovely. Tell me again how this sudden surge in anti-government/anti-Obama rhetoric is not about race at all.
Anyway, the box pops up and little David says…
“Xena says that you think I like you cause I keep sending you game invites.”
Note: I am totally going to correct the spelling in the retelling because typing all of those “u’s” and ur’s” gave me a headache.
And Kali says….
“Um, no.”
“Oh, ok. Because no offense, but I don’t like you like that.”
Well, fuck you, little twerp.
He continues…
“Can I ask you a question? Do you like me and do you like anyone in our class?”
And my girl replies…
“Um, that sounds like two questions and the answer to both is no.”
My daughter is fucking awesome!
“OK. Well, can I tell you who I do like?”
“Sure.”
“You have to promise not to tell anyone.”
“I swear.”
“Destiny.”
“WOW. I didn’t see that coming.”
Neither did I, ’cause not for nothing, Destiny sounds like a black girl’s name and I can bet mini-David Duke’s parents ain’t having it. I should probably point out that – in case this is your first time on my site – I am black, my husband is white and Kali looks white. Like, could totally pass if she wanted to. Thankfully, she doesn’t.
Then he clarifies….
“The white one, not the black one.”
“Oh.”
Oh.
At this point, my daughter starts a new chat with another friend.
“I KNOW WHO DAVID LIKES!!!”
When I tell this to Donny his response is, “Our daughter is trifling.”
“I know, right?”
What follows is five minutes of this kid trying to get my daughter to admit that she likes ANYONE in their class and my daughter telling him she doesn’t. Either that, or it was five minutes of Kali realizing I was in her account and not setting herself up for an ass-whipping.
So, Donny posts a gold egg and I go to Kali’s home page to get one. (Hey, what did I say about the judging!?) And I see this status update from one of her other friends. We’ll call her “Angela.”
“I love my boyfriend soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!”
OMGCYBI!?!?11?!
Another little girl leaves a comment asking, “Who is your boyfriend?” And I’m guessing Angela tells her privately because dumbass comes back and leaves another comment saying, “Harrison? Really?” (We’re just gonna call him “Harrison.”)
Then, a few comments down, Harrison weighs in…
“And I have the best girlfriend ever!”
People, these kids are TEN. TEN! 10. 1-0. One-Zero. Just barely into double fucking digits ten!
At this point, I’m ready to chime in that these kids need Jesus, but I’d be doing so under Kali’s name thus ensuring she will never have friends or a boyfriend of her own… and suddenly, the idea doesn’t seem so bad.
“Nina! Log out of her account. Stop being nosy. You’re invading her privacy!”
“Are you new? She doesn’t have privacy! She’s ten! Also, she knows that I do this. I warned her. If she says or does something she knows I wouldn’t like, then she wants to get caught!”
Then an IM pops up from a little girl we shall call “Megan.” I don’t like Megan. Megan is grown and mean. Megan wears inappropriate clothes and influenced some inappropriate internet activity over a year ago. Megan’s partner-in-crime, a boy we shall call “Pete”, also sent Kali a Facebook friend request which I promptly “ignored.” She’s lucky I let her be Megan’s friend online… but only because I monitor.
So, I’ve seen IMs from Megan before and I can just tell what kind of teen she’s going to be. She’s going to be like all the girls I hated in junior high school and high school: catty, petty, jealous, boy-crazy, and sometimey. I want Kali to learn early that that isn’t the way to be. More importantly, I want her to learn how to not give a fuck when girls around her are that way. So far, it’s a hard lesson to drive home.
I scroll back and read the conversation from earlier that evening. Several times Megan referred to people or things as being “gay” which reinforced my belief that she’s a bitch-in-training. The rest of the conversation was her having a hissy fit because Kali wasn’t writing her back fast enough even when Kali explained several times that she wasn’t feeling well and even when Kali explained that she had been away from her laptop eating dinner.
“Fine. If you don’t write me back in five seconds, I am never talking to you again,” she wrote at one point when Kali was in the bathroom.
“5….4….3….2….”
“What?”
“Too late. BYE KALI!”
“Wait! What are you talking about?”
“I told you, you had five seconds to answer and you didn’t.”
“I was in the bathroom.”
‘Whateva.”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I typed,
“Goodbye, Megan!”
What I wanted to type was, “Goodbye, bitch,” but I’m adult and she’s ten and I ain’t tryna go to jail. It’s 9pm now and Kali’s laptop shuts off automatically. I hear her in the other room playing with Jack, but Megan is still typing away – threatening Kali that she’ll never speak to her again if she doesn’t answer her RIGHT NOW. Then, out of the blue, she asks…
“Have you ever kissed a girl?”
“Megan, this is Kali’s mother. Her laptop is off. She is not allowed online after 9pm. She is getting ready for school tomorrow.”
Like your little ass needs to be.
“Oh. OK. I’m sorry.”
Donny turns to me, “Do you feel better now?”
“No.”
I will feel better when Megan is no longer around my daughter in any capacity. I will feel better when we move in two weeks and Kali is in a new school and can start over. Oh, I’m sure the ten-year-olds in the new school are no different/better, but still.
I will feel better when I know that Kali realizes that calling something “gay” isn’t cool. I will feel better when Kali realizes that having a boyfriend at ten is out of the fucking question. I will feel better when Kali realizes that a ten-year-old girl asking another ten-year-old girl if she’s ever kissed a girl or boy is inappropriate. I will feel better when little David is old enough to decide for himself if he’s going to be a racist fuckstick or a decent human being so I don’t have to worry about my daughter associating with him in any fashion.
And that’s just a start.
Nina is a 34-year-old mother, wife and writer who spends her days blogging, studying, changing diapers and watching ridiculous amounts of TV. She currently resides in Atlanta, Georgia, with her husband, two children and three TiVos.
OKay, did Megan actually ask Kali if she ever kissed a girl???? Or was that a typo and you meant boy?
GIRL! She said GIRL!
OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Bananas! All of it! I am so glad ur getting her away from bitch-in-training! Don’t feel bad for snooping, either. I’d do it if I knew my son’s password. I check his facebook and look at his friends pages. He calls me a stalker. I don’t give a crap.
Honestly, from the way you describe her, I don’t think you have to worry about Kali being a follower…which is what I think gets kids into trouble. She seems like she’s got one smart head on her shoulders
It seems that if she was in a situation and she had a choice to follow the pack and do a little shoplifting or walking away from the situation, I think she would walk away with her head held high!
And it sounds like Megan’s little ass needs some monitoring.
i cant tell Dei about this, she will cry because she doesnt have ANY friends from her class online to popchat. Most of the kids wont talk to her about “mushy” stuff because they know she will rat them out. One little boy on the bus told her that he was “doing it” with another little girl…Deijah said “first of all I hope you realize that is inappropriate behavior, second I am asking her if its true and if it is, Im telling Miss Nivens” the little girl started crying and said she didnt even like him but word got out that Deijah was the morality police so they all watch what they say around her.
I dont understand people with children, and I mean up to the age of 18, that dont monitor their kids online activities…in detail…I think they forget that not only can the protect them from creepy fat dudes pretending to be girls but also they need to see how their kid is acting.
Parents are LEGALLY responsible for their children’s behavior, if your kid gets pregnant you are responsible for that kid too, if you child is a bully, you can be sued…so in my opinion, kids dont have a right to privacy…sure you can choose to allow them that privilege but ultimately its your right to violate it at will…
I’ve done similar things as this Nina, with my kids. It fulfills my fantasy of doing now for my child what I didn’t have the guts (or balls) to do when I was 10. Empowerment is wonderful.
Me thinks Megan is also a lesbian in training.
“Um, that sounds like two questions and the answer to both is no.” – HAHAHAHA! Kali’s probably the only 10 year old I could stand to be around in any way, shape, or form.
I do the same thing to James (11).
I actually do it to all of them. He is in 5th grade. I sent him to a whole new school and he has been better for it.
ANYWAY
This little hooker wrote my son last week telling him she wanted to KISS HIM.
I about lost all of my shit!
James writes her back and says ” sorry, any girl that WANTS to kiss me is not the type of girl I am going to kiss”
I went right in the other room and kissed that boy square on the cheek and announced he was my favorite.
Before you think he is a good boy though I totally caught him talking to a guy friend and he was describing how Sheyla has big boobs and he could not stop staring at them.
LMFAO!
I not only look at my 15 year old daughters page whenever I chose, I also stalk her 17 year old boyfriends, (now she is only dating a 17 year old because he doesn’t drive so I have to drive them when they go somewhere which means I go too) I bought the laptop, I pay for the internet it is all mine. I have not yet felt the need to interfer though as my daughter has a real I am my own person, get out of my way attitude and the crap I have seen get started she doesn’t buy into. YEAH
In my opinion, it’s not called snooping, it’s called GREAT PARENTING! The way I was raised, I didn’t have, nor expect, any privacy until I moved into my own place. And with so many of these young girls meeting strangers online and disappearing (or worse, being murdered) I wholeheartedly agree with what you are doing. In fact, you can tell by Kali’s online conversation that you are raising her right.
God having a kid is scary. I know I wouldn’t be able to hold back. I’d be such an embarrasement to a kid and likely put in jail for telling some ten year old to go fuck off.
Ah, the life and times of Nina and family. Tell Donny to just wait until you have to snoop in Jack’s life.
much love
Heather
My head may just explode by the time my 7 year old hits 10. I’m not sure I’m cut out for all of that. I lost it when i discovered that she had googled the word, “Sex”. Um, WHAT??? She’s seven, why in the world would she do that at seven?? It flipped me out, I didn’t know what to do. So I let it sink in while she slept and then we had a very important conversation. I didn’t like, I don’t like what i know is coming, and I’m terrified of girls like Megan.
We went through that a year ago. Spurred on by Megan. NOT FUN!
Once they see things, they can’t unsee it.
I’m the same way. I paid for it, so it’s MINE! Yes, I let you use it whenever you want to, but it’s MINE!
I can’t get over that bitch-in-training asking your Kali if she had ever kissed a girl. She better not be even thinking about kissing a boy!!
Kids these day want to grow up so fast, but they don’t realize that being a grown up isn’t all fun and games. We have these things called JOBS that really suck.
You HAVE to tell me how to get the laptop to auto shut down at a specific time!!
Kali’s laptop (we just bought it in Dec. for xmas) came with Windows 7. I’ll ask Donny how to get to it, but somewhere in the account settings you can set that it shut off access to certain accounts at certain times. So, Kali’s profile shuts off at 9pm Sun-Thurs and 11pm (or maybe midnight) on Friday and Saturday. We’ll change it during summer and spring break.
I’m not sure if this is a Windows 7 thing or not. I’m the administrator profile so I can log into it whenever I want and she doesn’t know my password, but I know hers.
I think this proves that parents have a right to snoop. Sure, I was pissed when I was 10 and my mom read my diary. Really upset. But it’s the mama’s God-given right. Thankfully Kali has her head on straight and can hold her own (That David Duke line had me rollin…), but it’s never a bad thing for a parent to step in and exercise controls and boundaries and sometimes tell a little whore-in-training to grow the fuck up. Gah. Kids.
My younger sister is 20 and still types lik this, u kno? Drives me insane.
He asked her today, “Why does everyone think I like you?” And she wrote back, “idk.” Grrr. But I’m on Twitter all day abbreviating shit, so who am I to talk?
Funny note: later, Kali IMed her friend and told her how David had asked that and Kali wrote to her friend, “I was thinking BECAUSE YOU DO, but I wrote idk instead.”
What a smartass. Wonder where she gets THAT from.
I can’t hate on the idk, omg, or srsly. But something about “u” makes me nuts! But when kids are that age, textspeak is acceptable.
One other semi-random thing: I read somewhere in the depths of the interwebs that multiracial children with a black mother and white father are more likely to be more in touch with their “black” “side,” whereas multiracial kids with a white mother are more likely to pretty much consider themselves “white.” Or “more white than black.” Certainly it’s not true across the board, but do you think that holds true in some cases?
not true in my case
You handled that so well. I love reading about your experiences, it gives me a chance to think about what is coming and how I want to deal with it. Plus, you make me laugh.
Sharing is caring.
I can’t believe no one has weighed in on the fact that Kali has not one but two girls in her class named “Destiny”- and clearly the white Destiny is a stripper.
That’s what Donny said! He was like, “Her parents are preparing her for her life on the pole.” So wrong.
First of all, I guess I’m a big fuddy duddy but I don’t understand why 10 year olds need to have a facebook account. Okay, actually I do (because everyone else has one and God forbid that a kid doesn’t cause then they’re a total nerd) but I’m so glad if that Kali has you monitoring it because it can get damned scary. I just read an article about a 15 year old who killed herself because of harassment on Facebook and in school.
I’m getting ready to have my first grandchild and I may have to quit my job and homeschool that child. God forbid that they be one iota different than anyone else in their class or too cute or too smart or too anything.
You go Nina and keep on teaching that pretty girl of yours the right way to be. I wish there were more parents like you.
I can’t speak for all kids, but with my kid it wasn’t that she “had” to have one and it definitely wasn’t a case of her asking for one because other kids had one. In fact, it was after she mentioned at school that she had one that some of her girlfriends asked their parents if they could have one.
Kali has a Facebook account because she liked playing the Zynga games on my account: Farmville, Petville, Yoville, etc. It was easier to let her have her own account so she could play the games when she wanted and how she wanted when I needed my laptop. I monitor her usage and her friends list. Her only friends are family members who I know do not post excessive questionable content for a ten-year-old and school friends. I am her friend as is Donny, but we block her account from seeing our status updates in her news feed.
not in my case either…and i was raised by white parents and i still ended up leaning towards my biological dad…
that last comment was for mizChartreuse
on another note, forgot to mention that apparently the kids in Dei’s class know what “sexting” is and that some little girl texted a little boy and said “i want to see your thing and i want to see your friends thing too”
of course DeijahMcSnitchy had to inform the teacher of this transaction and the girl got a referral…
Sadly, I am not surprised at any of this. (I mean the convos Kali was or wouldve been having, not you snooping) Shoot, I was only Kali’s age 10 yrs ago and I remember the explicitness in the convos of my classmates. It was something very similar if not more intense. Now I am like “Damn, why were we so quick to grow up?” I WISH I was 10 again. I’d do it different. I damn sure would.
I just happened upon your blog and read this post. i LOVE it! i don’t have any kids, and i feel the SAME WAY you do about everything you talked about in this post. which means i was half laughing my ass off, half pissed to high hell about the little racist david and fast ass megan. I also have a 19 year stupid little sister who worries the fuck out of me with her boy obsession.sigh.
Hi! And thank you!