Mommy Monday: You Can’t Make Me!
January 12, 2010 by nina
Filed under Mommy Monday
I am painfully aware that everything I do is allowed only because my children are feeling charitable. Take changing Jack’s diaper for instance. Sometimes he lays there nice and calm and allows me to do what I have to do. Other times, he throws a major fit like his ass is covered in paper cuts and I’m using salt-soaked wipes. During the times that he lays quietly, he kinda eyes me like, “Yeah, that’s right. Make sure you get under that scrotum real good.”
And then I realize I’m his bitch.
With Kali, it’s a different story. And though I’m not one of those “because I said so” parents – I’ll supply a reason for why I’m making her do something or forbidding another – it is expressly understood that once I give my reasoning, she will abide no matter what.
So, I was very firm in my decision to force Kali to participate in a book club at school. Every two weeks they meet after school to discuss a book and practice quizzing each other on it. Next month, they will compete against other schools’ clubs that have read the same books. Personally, my nerdy ass thought it sounded like a lot of fun. Kali? Not so much.
I told myself that this wasn’t the same as parents that suit up their kids to play sports two seconds after they learn to walk without any idea if the child 1. has any desire to play the sport and 2. is any good at it. Hell, Kali’s 10! I know she likes to read.
“I hate to read!,” she yelled recently when I told her that she could not quit the club.
How could any child of mine hate reading? Then I remembered that she was, indeed, my child and therefore prone to exaggeration.
“You like to read!”
“Well,” she said, “I don’t like to read the books in the club. They’re boring.”
She had a point. Of the half dozen books assigned so far, only two have been anything Kali would have chosen on her own. The rest were boring books about dogs on the open range and little Native American girls.
The club isn’t fun for her, but I’m remiss to let her quit. What kind of message is that sending? Or is it okay to encourage quitting something you forced them to do anyway? Am I just as bad as those parents living out their varsity dreams via their offspring?
I think I’ve come up with a solution. I still think reading and discussing books is a good thing. It teaches them to really think about what they’ve read and see things from other perspectives. With that in mind, Kali and I will have our own book club.
We’ll read the same book and discuss it. We’ll come up with a handful of questions each to go over together. Any of you are welcome to join in with your kid of the same age (or close to it.)
So, where should we start? I’m thinking of starting with the Percy Jackson books. Here’s the trailer for the movie based on the first book.
So, suggest some titles for Kali and I. And don’t judge me when I force her to read the Harry Potter series.
Nina is a 34-year-old mother, wife and writer who spends her days blogging, studying, changing diapers and watching ridiculous amounts of TV. She currently resides in Atlanta, Georgia, with her husband, two children and three TiVos.
I think it is great that you’re encouraging Kali to read but only if she enjoys reading, like you stated. Not all kids like to read. In my household growing up, I was the avid reader while my sister wouldn’t pick up a book to save her life. Every child is different and what interests one may not necessarily interest the other. But I do agree with your idea of starting your own book club and maybe you and Kali can take turns on choosing the book. I don’t have children, yet, but I would hope that when I do I will be as understanding and encouraging as you are. Thanks for sharing. I came across your blog recently while on another site and I enjoy reading what you write. Keep it up!
Thanks! Glad you like it.
Good idea letting us take turns picking a book. My bossy ass was going to pick one every month.
Evan (just turned 9) and his Dad really enjoyed the 39 Clues series (Grandma got it for Xmas). How sophisticated is she? What DOES she like to read? If you haven’t done Lemony Snicket yet, you should (both of you). I loved The Secret Garden as a kid, and Nancy Drew is painfully dated, but easy to read. You can check out Patterson’s Daniel X and Maximum Ride series – might be a bit to old for her – but again, I’m not sure how sophisticated she is. Evan is at that boy stage where gross is good, so I won’t recommend any of those. I let him quit band because his Asperger self couldn’t handle the cacophony of a bunch of 4th graders playing randomly on their instruments. But our new rule is that we don’t sign up for ANYTHING, because he doesn’t stick it out. I figure if he gets interested in something he’s willing to beg for for a week or two, he has a shot at sticking it out. But then, Kali doesn’t have Aspergers
Too, dammit. I swear it was a typo.
I dont force Dei to do anything but i hold her responsible for her choices…case in point when she begged to learn piano and then stopped practicing, I refused to pay for any other lessons. She asked to do Girls On The Run and went through the whole program ending in a 5K run, and has signed back up for the Spring run….i hate athletics and would rather she do something nerdier…
I guess my point is, if your kids hate something, dont make them do it…but give them the option to pick something to do that the will love…
I like the book club idea
Oh yay, this is such a great idea! I have a seven year old daughter who loves to read and loves to discuss books. I’m in! I suggest the Neverland series by Dave Barry and Ridley Pearson. The first one is called “Peter and the Starcatchers”. They are funny, interesting prequels to J.M. Barrie’s Peter Pan (which I also love).
She tried it, it wasn’t her thing then it is ok to quit. I think kids have to be exposed to many different things to figure out what they enjoy or don’t being sports/food/books. I think it helps them make informed decisions as adults.
My Hubby didn’t like to read, but then he got tired of me nit-picking the Harry Potter movies based on what was missing, so he started those. Then I got him into the Pern series by Anne McCaffery, then Wicked. The Pern books aren’t a hard read, but you may want to read one before Kali does, just to make sure she’s up for it. If she likes Dragons, she’ll love the Pern series!
You both should read The Hunger Games. Amazing. The books just charge along & my daughter, all her friends & I loved them. And a big plus is that there is supposedly a movie on the horizon – and so there should be!
John Marsden is an Australian author who is published in the US – his books may be a little sophisticated, but you could knock one off quickly and decide for yourself. My daughter liked the Emily Rodda Deltora Quest series when she was around Kali’s age, and still likes the Eoin Colfer books. Children of the Lamp is a great series about twins who (from memory) are about Kali’s age.
John Marsden is great! I was actually going to suggest him to. We read the first book in the ‘when the war began’ series when I was in highschool, and its still being read now 7 years later! Great author with varying levels of reading, I kinda grew up with his books. I was a huge fan in Enid Blyton as well, and Emily Rodda and the Goosebumps series at one stage as well.
I was in a book club like that and I had a blast! I guess I was lucky to have books that were interesting to read.
Is she interesting in any of the Goosebumps books? Wait, do they still make Goosbumps? Those were some of my favorite books as a kid…actually I was all up in any R.L. Stine book. The Fear Street series were my probably the ones I wore out the most. Easy reads, simply for entertainment, they can be a tad bit gory but nothing scarring.
Or what about the Narnia books, has she read those yet?
She’s going to have to read books she doesn’t like when she’s in college and pursing those 3 PhDs that I insist she receive before marrying. She might as well get used to reading some things that aren’t up her alley. There’s still benefit in it, and she’ll still have the pride of accomplishment when she’s finished. I think you absolutely must make her finish what she started.
Let me think about the books. How old is Kali now? 11?
*Pursuing
She’s 10.
If she’s 10, maybe she would like the Charlie Bones series. When I was her age, I liked the Little House on the Prairie series, Anne of Green Gables, etc. Those are classics. Maybe the Lemony Snicket series? “The Giver” by Lois Lowry is age-appropriate and would definitely spark discussion between the two of you. Great story.
I, too, love to read. My 9 year old loved to also, until this year. They are assigned to read for 20 minutes a day, and then answer 1 question about what they read. He’s in 4th grade and I think his teacher is a lazy ass! (Another story, though)
I think this is an awesome idea! You pick a book and then she picks a book. I bet she will pick some that you read when you were younger and had forgotten about!!
Get back on your blog schedule, woman!! We miss you!!
I love to read…would just like to recommend a book titled “The Mouth of Babes” by Tosin Coker. Here is a trailer. It’s science fiction and one of my favorites…:o)
The original Jungle Books. Madeline L’Engle may be a bit much but then she may be able to handle it. My Side of the Mountain.
i love the idea of a mommy/daughter book club.
Haven’t written in awhile but books always get me. Please do run…not walk to get all 5 books in the percy jackson series. They are the best kids series I’ve read since harry potter. I agree with one of the posters about “hunger games” but think it may be a bit old for kali at this point. Still that one, its sequel and “the book thief” were the best young adult titles I read last year!
The Batimaeus Trilogy and The Septimus Heap series are both really good and age-appropriate.