Why I’m Sure I’ll Be Published
December 22, 2009 by nina
Filed under Blog It Out, Bitch
I just finished James Patterson’s latest, I, Alex Cross, and I have to say: if someone published that steaming pile of crap, I will one day be published as well.
I’m a get-it-all-out-and-make-it-pretty-later kind of writer. I believe in getting the story out first because it’s the most important thing. Tell the story, and then worry about telling the story better; fix your sentences, choose better words, edit, edit, edit.
As I read I, Alex Cross, I felt like I was reading the get-it-all-out-version that had been accidentally published. What’s with these simple sentences and chapters where absolutely nothing happens, I wondered.
And it wasn’t just the writing. The plot was awful!
The Alex Cross books follow an African-American FBI agent/hostage negotiator/D.C. cop on his attempts to solve some of the country’s most dangerous cases. He lives with his three kids and grandmother. Movies were made based on two of the Cross books – Kiss the Girls and Along Came a Spider. Both starred Morgan Freeman as Cross.
I’ve read all of the books and was very excited when I read the teaser for the latest: A beloved member of the Cross family is murdered.
What?!
I couldn’t believe it. Cross had been the target of serial killers before. Could it be that the latest monster would kill his grandmother or one of his children? Um, no. SPOILER ALERT: the murdered Cross is an adult niece we’ve never even heard of before this book. And if she has been mentioned before, I didn’t remember her so, who the hell cares?I mean, it wasn’t even the niece kidnapped in Kiss the Girls.
Are you serious, Patterson?
But I kept reading. Why? Because I have committment issues and I was curious to see who the serial killer, Zeus, turned out to be. There were hints that the killer had ties to The White House and the book also featured a sex house where the country’s most powerful people went to live out all of their kinkiest desires.
In theory, the story should have been awesome. Instead, it was senseless, boring, and at times, redundant. And don’t even get me started on the ending! SPOILER ALERT: Three pages after we find out who Zeus is, he is shot in the head without having to answer for his crimes or disclose a motive.
Also, how many times will Patterson tease us with his ailing grandmother coming thisclose to dying only to have her miraculously recover at the end? I mean, I’m not saying she’s old, but rumor has it that when Jesus returns, he owes her twenty bucks.
The book did end on a high note: Cross’ archnemesis, Kyle Craig, is back.
Do you read Patterson’s books? What do you make of his writing style and short-short chapters?
***
It’s usually not like me to trash authors. I admire anyone that can get off their ass (or sit on it really) and write a book. I admire anyone that can find the time because I know how hard it is.
This is why I’m super excited to submit an application to attend The Hambidge Center – an artist retreat in the Georgia mountains. One of my journalism professors suggested it to me. She has gone twice and written several chapters of her now published books there.
You have to apply to attend on scholarship for a stay that can last from two to eight weeks. You’ll spend your time there in your own cottage with all the tools and time you need to create. No internet, no TV, no outside distractions like kids, bills, and video games.
HEAVEN!
Check out the studios here.
Cool, huh? Also, creepy, right? It’s like a Stephen King novel waiting to happen, but I still want to go. Donny and I talked about it last night and I’m gonna apply to attend late next year so that he can take a week’s vacation to be home with the kids while I’m gone. I’m going to ask my journalism teacher for a letter of reference, but I still need to ask one other person. Then there’s the task of coming up with writing samples to submit.
Eek! I’m excited and inspired!
How are you?
Nina is a 34-year-old mother, wife and writer who spends her days blogging, studying, changing diapers and watching ridiculous amounts of TV. She currently resides in Atlanta, Georgia, with her husband, two children and three TiVos.
uh those pictures reminded of the people who died in “The Strangers”…I have been inspired to start writing my very own series of books. I am going to do it in a weekend. A weekend in which I pay for myself to go sit in some wonderful Hotel on the beach, never get dressed or put on more than Panties, a bra and a robe.. if even that. I say about 4 books, each around 120-150 pages… I can do it!
That sounds pretty effin awesome…the ‘retreat’, not the book sucking…lol
I know, right?! And if you’re accepted, it’s only $150 per week. That’s pretty sweet.
So…you obviously haven’t read Dan Brown’s latest. Because even this book, which I didn’t read but don’t have to to know, couldn’t compare to the craptasticness of it. And I LIKE Dan Brown.
I never really got into Patterson, though I do appreciate the racial props. So now I have another reason not to!
Right! I love the fact that Cross is black and I’ve enjoyed most of the series. This book was just a mess though. I have to read Dan Brown and see what the fuss is about. Someone posted a link to an article listed the top 20 worst Dan Brown lines of all time and I thought they were being really hard on him. Like, they made fun of the fact that in The Davinci Code, he mentions that the main guy wore a Mickey Mouse watch. I like little details like that, but they slammed him for it.
“I’m not saying she’s old, but rumor has it that when Jesus returns, he owes her twenty bucks.”<– soda out the nose, seriously.
No internet, no TV, no video games … Heaven? Surely for some, but for YOU? Color me surprised. Though I do think that would be an amazing time for you to focus on your writing, and I wish you quick success.
Normally, that would sound like hell. I’m so starved for quiet time to write and finish some projects that I’m really looking forward to it. I hope I get accepted. I’ll try every year until I am.
You WILL get accepted. Not a doubt in my mind.
did you finish Holla At The Moon? i am begining to think “brand name” authors arent even writing anymore, they are just filling in Mad Libs for the publishing company. I used to LOVE Robert Parker ( Spencer for Hire… ) but I cant even get into the last 3 books he released.
Yes, I did. I think I’m gonna do it as a book club selection for January.
I picked up a James Patterson novel once because someone told me he was great, and the synopsis of the novel I was looking at compared it to Lost. What more did I need!? Anyway, the novel, “Sail,” was less than abysmal. I struggled for a few days wondering why someone I knew could actually recommend something so terrible, and had a crisis wondering why stuff like that was even able to be published. I thought that perhaps it was a one time thing, and his other novels were much better. So the next time I was in the store I flipped through some of his other novels and saw that they were pretty much the same. It’s the same kind of stuff I was writing in the fifth grade, with chapters no longer than a few paragraphs and, well… fifth grade language.
I don’t get it. As far as I can tell it’s stuff written with one goal in mind: money money money!! It’s target audience is not people who actually like to read, but people who pretend to like to read.
Good luck with the Hambridge Center! It sounds awesome.
Adam, you pretty much took the words out of my mouth. His writting reads like an elementary school student wrote it. I don’t understand how any fully literate adult can enjoy reading it.
See, that’s where I think you have the difference between a good writer and a good storyteller. His stories are great. Suzanne’s Diary For Nicholas comes to mind there. But his writing isn’t…. BIG. It’s very small. And usually, I like non-flowery, not-so-fancy writing, but his is too basic.
Perfect example of a great writer who could also tell an amazing story without being overly verbose and flowery was Ed McBain.
the retreat sounds really cool, i’m sure you will do fine with writing samples. i’ve read your shorts and they are awesome. i really hope that you attend next year. i can’t wait to read your published books.
i’ve never read anything by james patterson, i dont think. i’m trying to pull away from black authors and read things that are also thought provoking and interesting. i like mysteries. the one mentioned in this blog sounds intriguing so i will be checking it out.
First of all. Alex Cross is Black? Second, he is a Bamma? He lives with his Grandmother and his 3 Children. I assume the kids stay with Nana because he is out fighting crime, but really?? (Okay he might not be a Bamma but he feels like a Bamma)
The retreat sounds great and I am sure you will get accepted.
Number 15 looks like the cabin from Camp Chippawa(?) in the Addams Family movie
Id do the Hambridge center. Looks like fun. and ultimately, Heaven!
Hmmm…I wish I had read this before I picked up the book Thursday. My co-worker purchased it and said so far it was a good read and his previous works were enjoyable. Oh well.
I read through all of the comments expecting someone to bring up James Patterson’s overwhelming flaw – italics. Go open one of his books, any page. Count the number of times the twat uses italics. This ’style’ makes it completely impossible for me to read one of his books, as my mind voice has to emphasise the words/sentences using the italics & it’s frickin exhausting.
Not to mention unnecessary, redundant (just to drive my point home!), ridiculous, irritating & the mark of a moron who needs to be edited.