Top Ten Reasons I’ll Own You (And Your Moms) In Halo 3

Halo 3 doesn’t get old. It just doesn’t. I can not play that game for months and it’s still as fun as the first time when I start playing again.

Since finishing school last week I’ve been purposely vegging out: I have no desire to do anything important or responsible until after Christmas. Right now, I’m all about playing, writing blogs, watching TV, reading books, and hanging with my family. Hell, I deserve a mental vacation.

Anyway, I’ve been playing  a lot of Halo 3. Every time I tweet about it I get someone asking me questions. “Is it fun?’ “Why do you play it so much?” To which I say, “Hells yeah,” and ” Because I’m awesome.”

Don’t believe me? Allow me to provide video evidence. One of the coolest features of Halo 3 is the ability to go back and watch the films of your most recent 25 online games. You can edit out clips, rewind, fast forward, go in slow motion, move the camera angles, and even watch the game from the point of view of any of your teammates or competitors. We really like doing this when something particularly cool happens in a game and we want to go back and watch it over and over again, making everyone in the house bask in our glory. Unfortunately, Microsoft prevents you from putting the video clips on your thumb drive for sharing, so I had to go old school and use my video cam to record the TV.

Top Ten Reasons I”ll Own You (And Your Moms) In Halo 3

10. I’m Mean w/ a Shotgun - While playing a game of capture the flag, I proceed to stick my shotgun up the asses of the blue team.

9. I’ll Kill You and the Guy You Got Protecting You - In the same game, I kill the guy protecting the guy with our flag and the guy with our flag. (They’re lucky I didn’t kill them with the flag.) Then they come back for more.

8. Sometimes, There Is an “I” in Team – In Capture the Flag, you have to go to the other team’s base, grab their flag, and bring it back to your base to score. You can’t do this if they’ve also managed to grab your flag. It has to be returned before you can score.

In the clip you’re about to see, during the live game, I had Kali and Donny yelling at me, “Oh my God! They have our flag! They’re going to score. Nina, do something because only you can save us” (OK, so maybe not that last part)

So, after I fuck shit up for a bit, I pick up a grav lift (a device tossed on the ground and walked over so it allows you to jump really high), toss it next to the building,  and then simultaneously jump and save the damn day. THEN, I grab the other team’s flag and wait while Kali, Donny, and our other teammate do God’s know what before I can score.

7. I’m Lethal With The Stickies – In Halo 3, a sticky grenade is one that sticks to whatever it touches and then explodes. They are a lot of fun. It’s particularly fun to stick it to someone as they are running at you, and then back up and watch the fireworks. But the best is sticking it on something near the bad guy and watching him die from standing too close.

6. I’m So Good, I Will Kill By Accident - Here, I lob a sticky grenade blindly around a corner. And get the kill.

5. I’m Good With All the Weapons in the Game – including the sword:

4. … And the Needler – The Needler shoots a steady burst of pink exploding needles. You have to get ten needles into the person to kill them.

3. And the rocket launcher…

2. Getting In a Vehicle Won’t Save You – This guy thought getting into a Ghost was going to help. I blew it up. With him in it. And the explosion also killed his friend who was shooting at me while standing a little too close.

And finally, I will own you (and your Moms) in Halo 3 because…

1. I am not above shooting you in the back. That’s how I roll.

Master Chief's your Daddy. And I'm your Mommy.

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BONUS:

As juvenile and unsportsmanlike as it is, I love teabagging enemies after I kill them. Teabagging, for you video game newbies, is when you put your crotch area in the face of the dead guy and bounce up and down. It’s suppose to simulate the act of dunking a teabag in cup, but with your testicles.

Here’s what it looks like from my point of view after I kill someone:

And if you’re playing nearby, here’s what the same kill looks like to you:

But now, players have figured out a new way to add shame and degradation to the person they’ve just killed. Below, I demonstrate this after killing a guy: