Top Five People That Shouldn’t Go To The Movies
November 23, 2009 by nina
Filed under Nina's Top Ten
Let me start by saying that I love going to the movies. It’s an event. I love the whole process from checking movie times to standing in line for your tickets and popcorn. I love going to see a long-awaited film on opening weekend with a crowd of just-as-excited moviegoers. I love the trailers – especially those kick-ass teasers that leave you wanting more and turning to the person with you and asking, “We have to wait till next summer?!” I don’t care how many flat screens I get with BluRay players and surround sound, nothing will beat the tradition of going to see a movie in the theater.
Between my recent part-time gig doing trailer checks and taking Kali to see New Moon on Friday, I’ve been spending a lot of time in theaters lately. It has made me realize that some people shouldn’t be allowed to leave the house, or at the very least, go to to movies because they don’t know how to act. They are:
5. Latecomers - I know shit happens. There’s traffic, forgetting your wallet at home, the inability to find a parking space, etc. I’m not complaining about people who arrive at the theater late. It can happen to any of us. I’m talking about the asshats that arrive late and feel the need to make a big show of how surprised they are to find the theater full.
You know what I mean. They turn that corner, find the theater full, and do that exaggerated double-take, or stop short and let out a loud gasp or groan. Really, idiot? You’re shocked that you arrived 15 minutes late to a movie some people camped out to buy tickets for and found it full?
Sit your ass down, please.
You know, I think I’ll make it my business to always be early just to mock these fools and watch as they are forced to sit in the front row and get a neck cramp.
4. Loud Talkers – I don’t mean during the movie. It’s been a very long time since I’ve encountered someone who talked through the movie. I’m talking about the people that, just because the movie hasn’t started yet, think it’s okay to let everyone in on their personal conversation. Two examples, same people:
While in line for popcorn Friday, there was a group of girls (20’s) behind Kali and I. They were debating what they were going to get and calculating the cost. Like most people, they were considering sharing items to cut down on the expense. Then one said to the other…
“Can we afford to get the large of both the popcorn and the soda?”
“I don’t know. How much is it?”
“The large drink is $6.75, but it has free refills.”
“It looks kinda big. Maybe we should get the medium.”
“But the large cups are collector cups. I want one with Edward on it.”
“We should be okay. I mean, we didn’t get the dog food yesterday and I still have that $20. I have to put that in the bank tomorrow. We just need to be careful.”
“And you gotta put that twenty in the bank.”
“Yeah.”
Oh.My.God. The whole conversation made me uncomfortable! Lower your voices! I don’t want to hear how your poor dog is home starving cause you had to get your Twilight on!
Then, this same group of women were seated directly behind us in the theater. The lights are still on and the screen is showing those trivia questions and silly commercials. So, no the movie hasn’t started, but still.
“You know the $5 I gave you for cigarettes?”
“Yeah. I said I’d give it back to you Tuesday.”
“This Tuesday?”
“No. Tuesday when I paid Tuesday.”
“Oh. Cause she just gave you $5.”
“Yeah, but I need it. I need money.”
“Well, so do I. But I guess as long as you’re good to go…”
“Oh yeah, I’m really good to go with a whole five dollars.”
“… and got money for cigarettes, beer, vodka…”
“You know what? Shut up.”
“Whatever. You shut up.”
I never have cash on me. Ever. But Friday evening I just happened to have a fiver folded in my purse and I was pretty sure it was fate telling me to turn around toss that bitch the money if it meant they would shut the hell up!
3. The Critics – Yes, I’ve been getting paid to gauge audience reaction to movie trailers. But guess what? I get paid whether you cheer, groan, moan, boo, or not. What I can’t stand is that one guy that feels the need to give his stamp of approval on every trailer before the film.Loudly.
“Well, that looks stupid.”
“Oh, that’s gonna be awesome.”
“Ooookay. What the hell was that?”
“I can’t wait to see that.”
No one gives a shit! Shut up.
This is also the same guy that feels the need to try and guess the movie from the first three seconds of the trailer.
“Batman? Terminator 6? Lord of the Rings prequel?’
Hey, Sherlock. How ’bout you zip it and let us see what the fuck it is?
2. Undecideds – People who stand in front of you in a long concession line only to get to the front and still not know what they want. Seriously? Nevermind the fact that you had enough time in line to figure out what you want, but the food at the movies doesn’t change?! Everyone has their usual order. We get the same shit (for the most part) every time we go! Why the hell don’t you know what you want by the time you get up there?
1. Black people - Shut.The.Fuck.Up.
What are your movie-going peeves?
Nina is a 34-year-old mother, wife and writer who spends her days blogging, studying, changing diapers and watching ridiculous amounts of TV. She currently resides in Atlanta, Georgia, with her husband, two children and three TiVos.
I almost elbowed the 17yr.old sitting next to me at New Moon! She kept freraking squeling whenever “edward” was on screen! I wa sliek she better swiutch spots with her mom before I smack her!
Love the list!
I’m guilty of #2! lol I’m going to try to do better.
Too Funny.
Pet Peeves….I take the previews seriously and some people don’t. For me, once the previews start cell phones off and people STFU. I find some people continue to talk during previews and use their phones.
I just went to see New Moon yesterday. Jacob Black without a shirt on= uncontrollable giggles from the 13 year old crowd and me feeling like a pedophile. Should I be blushing when a 17 year old looks that fine?
Anywho, How about the people who can’t decide where to sit? Or the ones that had to sit directly in front of (the big heads) or behind you (the seat kickers) when there is an entire empty movie theater to pick from. Errrrr
“How about the people who can’t decide where to sit? Or the ones that had to sit directly in front of (the big heads) or behind you (the seat kickers) when there is an entire empty movie theater to pick from.”
Hate.Those.People.
LMAO @ #1. Add to that the group of 20-something morons who obviously forgot they were in a movie theatre last time we were there. They were all the way at the top of the seats and I could still hear them in full voice. I had to yell at them. I’m sure everyone thought I was crazy.
And, what the hell with the loud talkers? Ummm, priorities COMPLETELY out of whack. I wonder if you’re paying for their welfare…
the seat kickers make me want to kick them. i’ve actually had to tell someone to get their feet off my seat. i also, don’t like when people bring their kids and let them run around, or they sit rows away from them and talk across the theater to them. wtf kind of parenting is that?!!
Bwa ha ha ha ha!!! This is bang on and one of the reasons I seldom go to movies.
ps… my pet peeve is the gushers who talk their asses off during the previews about everything that looks good.
I had a run-in with a woman at the theater when my friend invited me to see a FREE showing of Blindside. I had nothing else going on, and thought “why not? It’s better than being home alone.” When my first instinct was “First come, first serve? That’s recipe for a disaster.” I should have listened to my first instinct. We arrived an hour early so we did have a SEAT in the the theater, but good luck finding 2 seats together because everyone was saving 4 seats for their friends who didn’t even have a wrist band yet. A woman actually put her hands on me when I moved someone’s coat one seat over, so I could have 2 seats together. So yeah, let’s put SEATSAVERS and Crazy Women in Postal Uniforms on your list.
Can we also add “STUPID USHER” who did not know how to resolve the situation. I left the theater, but not before I made a scene and announced that I would leave. “I will come back later because I can afford to pay for a ticket when it’s released.” Yes, I was boo-ed out of the theater.
the usher’s are usually pimple faced teenagers who are to afraid to say anything or intervene. their really just waiting for their shift to end and not trying to get engaged in any kind of movie-theater drama.
Not this time. It was a middle aged man who listening to the loud-mouth. He didn’t get that I was not stealing a seat, rather I was putting two seats together. He didn’t get that the woman assaulted me. And he didn’t get that all those seats she was saving were for people who didnt have wristbands. He couldn’t put his two brain cells together. Lesson learned.
we happened to be first in line for the afternoon showing of New Moon. Immediately behind was a group of 6 girls who spent 20 minutes comparing how many times each of them had read the books, why Edward was better than Jacob and one chick even said “For ME, I am Team Jacob, but for Bella, I am Team Edward” W T F ??????
So then when the guy walked up they reached between us to get their tickets torn and then talked loudly about how they were going to RUN for their seats…its a 300 seat room and they were the 2nd group in line!!!! I just as loudly said “you WILL wait for me to go first because I am IN FRONT of you in line” I was about to punch them.
Creeper girl in line wants Bella to have Edward so the way is clear to rape Jacob.
I do too actually.
the #1 spot, black people, agreed….
I am a critic at trailers…that’s why I go to the Drive-In. Still get the movie experience…but no dirty looks from people…and I’m sorry but watching horror movies in a theatre with Black people is the only way to go!
Can we also add “People who laugh at inappropriate times”??? I saw Precious the weekend before last, and people were laughing during scenes she was abused. I was disgusted.
I just read the book that movie is based off of. Not funny. Really.
I do not like a crowded theater. I like to go during the week and during the day. the emptier the better. lol
I rarely go to the theater any more preferring to watch the movie at home. I feel like I have been robbed after paying for a ticket and some popcorn (in Canada anyways, it is probably cheaper in the US like everything else is too).
The young girls stink of too much cheap perfume, they can’t shut up for two minutes, they switch seats back and forth. The young guys are mouthy and rude to each other therefor rude to everyone around them.
I think it is because they have grown up with VCRs and DVDs at home where they move about freely and no one cares. They don’t know how to behave in public. Same in a restaurant. Don’t even get me started on that.
By the way anyone who uses the word asshat is all right by me. It is my favorite word this year.
Last week, a large popcorn cost $8.50 at the movie theater. I decided that would be the last time I buy their popcorn. That’s pretty expensive. How much is it in Canada?
I love guessing the name of the movie in the first three seconds of the trailer! I didn’t know it was so annoying though. Probably because my friends and I are a group of loud talkers…
My sis and I went to see New Moon the other day. Someone had taken their infant in there. It was babbling and cooing and all that. Ok…so, that may be cute at home and everything but NOT in a movie theatre when I’m trying to pay attention.
I saw a young teenage looking mom try to bring a toddler and a young child to a gory rated R movie. THANK GOD she was turned away because the children were too young. I wanted to smack her…and her mama. Anyone- without proper home training- bug the hell out of me.
When I went to see the latest Saw movie we “saw” lots of kids in there. Those parents deserve it if their kids have nightmares and keep them up all night.
To me it’s so much more than just having nightmares. I cannot imagine how those images affect the developing minds of these kids. Especially when they don’t know how to separate reality from fiction yet.
I know, right? I’m still kinda scared of monsters! Lol!
Everyone being on their cell phones.
For the midnight showing of New Moon, the entire theatre was filled with groups of friends, mostly girls, and more than talking to each other, they were texting other people on their stupid phones.
Enough people, love who you’re with.
See, I don’t understand why you’d pay good money to see a movie then spend the entire time texting. Maybe I’m too old to get it, but I just want to watch the movie, not waste my time typing a message to someone I could easlily tap on the should and whisper to.
I was that old coot that said kind of loudly and rudely after Jacob came on shirtless to “SIT YOUR BUTT DOWN AND SHUT UP BEFORE I CALL YOUR MAMMA!”
Damn Kids!
Totally my own fault for going to see New Moon the first Saturday 8pm showing it was open.
Wasn’t it so much better than Twilight though?
Oh and my opinion… Edward is a freaking bully and stalker and I told Shelby that pretty and sparkly or not some man acts like that, stake ‘em!
People who arrive an hour early, get their refreshments, find their seats, THEN 45 minutes into the movie, decide they have to pee! And it’s not just one person from their group. They all gotta go! And of course they wait until the most crucial scene in the movie to stumble in front of the screen disoriented because the lights are off because they should have peed before the movie started!! Note: if you have the bladder the size of a walnut, don’t get the Big Gulp.
I actually prefer to go to the movies alone. I hate it when the ppl im with try to talk to me and flirt during the movie.
#2 – LOL. I used to bartend and it never failed that the a-hole, who was desperately waving his money around like he needed a drink or he’d die, would NOT KNOW WHAT HE WANTED!
He’d turn to his buddies (which were totally distracted and clueless) and ask, “What are we getting… shots? What shots do you guys want?” Then, he’d give me an order like this: “2 Buds, 3 Bud Lights, no wait – 3 Buds and 2 Bud Lights. 5 shots of Jager… Hey! Rob, what beer do you want?” The Rob would suggest that Jager Bombs were a better plan… By then, I had walked away. I’d always tell tools like that to figure it out and I’ll come back later. I felt sorry for the people around them rolling their eyes…
I hate undecideds!!!
I hate giggly squeeling teen age girls which is why when my “little brother” suggesed that we go to New Moon on opening night I said ” Have you totally LOST your f*ckinhg MIND! With the week I’ve had you will be bailing me out of jail for killing somone”
I also hate people who talk through the movie….not to the screen like I do (well I yell when people do stupid stuff like make noise to get found by the killer)but tell about their day their night and their weekend.
Bahahaha, black people! I agree. Ridiculous.
Does Kali read the Twilight books? If so, I am impressed (not that I’m not impressed by her in general).
i hate it when people talk during the movie then get mad when you do and start shushing u. Like bitch stfu!
Yes this happened to me during New Moon. Bitch was lucky, God spoke to me as soon as my fist went up and said… “shes a dumb female dog. do not waste your time and energy.” my hand came back down…
Ha! I hate when the people who are late make the people who work there move other people’s seats arounds so they can sit where they want. And you forgot the people who bring babies to things like Hellraiser and Harry Potter.
I think theaters should be like some of the convenience stores around. No more than two teenagers to a group. I took my daughter and my niece to see the Hannah Montana movie when it was in theaters, there were about 6 girls sitting a table over who I wanted to smack. Between the bad language and the things they were saying they wanted to do to the boy in the movie, my 6 year old and her 5 year old cousin didn’t need to hear any of that.
blogitoutb.com has become a favorite sunday point for me
I am going to add myself to this list. I took Jonathan to the movies for the first time this past friday (he just turned 1) He loves watching movies at home but The Christmas Carol was a bad call and he is too damn nosey! he kept trying to climb over his seat to talk to the people behind us. I felt soo horrible but he had thrown down/dropped his binky, my phone and his sippy cup and not being able to find them in the dark I couldnt leave. We ended up spending most of the movie walking up and down the isle that led to the theatre. ahhh I know now we will have to wait for at least another year to try again!