Friday Funnies

Yesterday, I needed Kali to do me a favor, but I couldn’t give her directions with Jack sleeping next to me. Sometimes he can sleep through the house alarm going off, other times he wakes up if I fart. Since Kali is horrible at whispering (Donny is too – they stage whisper like they gotta reach the people in the cheap seats), I opted for typing what I wanted to tell her on the computer:

Go put the clothes in the washing machine into the dryer. Make sure the door is closed. Turn the dial to 70 and then press the start button.

She leaves the room, returns a few minutes later, and shakes her head.

“It’s not working,” she stage whispers.

I type:

Oh, push the knob on the dial in before you turn it. Turn it to 70, then pull the knob out. Make sure the door is closed and press the start button.

She leaves and returns again, still shaking her head. I sigh, get up, and follow her down the hall to the laundry room. We go inside and she closes the door behind us. The first thing I notice is that I confused the washer and the dryer. You don’t have to pull the knob out on the dryer. Don’t judge me! Though somehow, Kali managed to pull the dryer knob out. I pushed it in and explained my mistake. The next thing I noticed was that the dryer door wasn’t closed all the way. You have to push it in till you hear a click. Once I did, it started right up.

“I told you to make sure the door was closed.”

“Oooooh,” Kali says laughing her ass off, “I thought you meant the door to the laundry room. I kept closing it behind me so the noise wouldn’t wake Jack!”

***

Last Friday evening, we were heading home from some birthday party shopping when Kali decided she wanted fast food. Almost immediately, Jack got really fussy. He’d been in the car a long time and was ready to go to bed. We decided that we’d stop at the house, drop off Donny and Jack, and then Kali and I would go back out for her food.

I was driving so when we pulled into the garage, Donny hopped out of the passenger seat and walked to the back passenger side seat where Jack was in his car seat. He opened the door and unbuckled Jack. I turned around to face the front of the car and in a split second…

BAM!!!

I turn around and I don’t see Donny or Jack. Now, my first thought was that Donny had dropped Jack and I thought, “Good lord, I’m going to jail.” And I couldn’t hear Jack either so that made it worse. I was waiting for that wail that comes after the five second long silent scream kids do when they hurt themselves. That didn’t come. So, now I’m thinking Jack is knocked out or worse. I knew Donny was okay because all I could hear from him was a “Seeech” kinda wheezing sound one makes when they touch something hot.

All the thoughts in the above paragraph took about five seconds to process, in which time I’m calling out, “What happened? Where’s Jack? Are you okay?” Donny doesn’t answer right away – just more wheezing. I begin to unstrap myself from the seat when finally Donny answers, “He’s okay.” At this point, Kali is climbing over from her seat behind me to get a look onto the garage floor and I can hear the worry and tears in her voice when she asks, “What about you, Daddy? Are you okay?”

More wheezing.

By the time I get out of the car and walk around it from the back to reach the back passenger side, Donny is standing holding Jack who doesn’t have a scratch on him. In fact, he’s looking at us like, “What the fuck?”

So, the first thing I notice upon turning the corner is that Jack is bumps and bruises free. The second thing I notice is that one of Donny’s shoes is by the front passenger side tire and the other shoe… is on his foot. I tell Kali to wait in the car and I walk Donny, still holding Jack, into the house. We enter the family room via the garage door and he shows me the underside of his forearm. You can tell he scraped it on the ground, but other than that he seems fine.

“Are you sure Jack is okay?”

“Yes,” Donny said. “He didn’t even hit the ground. I did some Matrix-style moves to make sure I landed first.”

“Good man. Good man.”

I go back into the garage, closing the door behind me and then I completely lose my shit laughing. Kali is looking at me through the windshield from the back seat with this confused look on her face. I get into the car and can barely get the words out.

“Daddy… fell.. out… of.. his… shoe.”

We headed to Sonic with me laughing so hard I had to pull over at one point – it was hard to see the road through my tears. I was snorting, howling, and choking.

“Mommy, think of something sad before you crash.”

“Ok, like what?”

“Well, I would say Daddy falling…”

Any time, even to this day, I think of that one lone shoe all the way at the front of the car, and Donny wearing the other at the back of the car, I die laughing.

Happy Friday!

True Blood – S2E7 – “Release Me”

Previously on True Blood: Eric summons Bill’s maker, Lorena. Sookie goes undercover with Isabel’s human lover, Hugo. Sarah gives Jason a little reward with her hand. Hoyt arrives in Dallas to see Jessica. Pam tells Lafayette that Eric wants him to go back to selling V. Lorena stops Bill from rescuing Sookie after her cover is blown at Jesus Camp. Sarah and Jason have sex. Daphne leads Sam to a Maryann-led orgy/ritual.

And now…

Detective Andy continues to chase the pig (Daphne) through the woods and falls on his face. Maryann approaches Sam, but before she can do anything Detective Andy fires off a shot out of shock. He sees all the demon-eyed sex and dancing and can’t believe his drunk eyes. Sam takes that opportunity to break free, punch Daphne, and run into the woods. Maryann chases him with her bull mask on and talons out.

Come on, she ran a lot faster than that when she was chasing Sookie’s dumb ass.

Before she can get him, Sam shifts into an owl and flies away.

And we have credits…

While the credits are rolling, am I the only one that finds Maryann’s bull mask completely whack?

Because Andy interupted their little screw-fest, the crowd walks around zombie-like. Andy approaches Terry, who turns around and breaks Andy’s arm.

In the Jesus Camp basement, Sookie tries calling out Godric, but he’s not answering. She figures out that someone at the vampire nest is a traitor. Hugo starts having a claustrophobic panic attack.

Bill tries to get past Lorena, but she is too strong and fast for him.

Flashback to Los Angeles, 1935: Bill is reading when Lorena comes home with a showgirl for him to feast on. She’s glamored, and he’s tempted, but he sends the girl away. He tells Lorena he doesn’t want to feast on people anymore. He also can’t stand the sight of her. She think he’s just depressed, but he insists that she has stolen his humanity and he doesn’t want to be evil anymore.

At the hotel, he warns Lorena that if Sookie is hurt in any way, he’ll kill her.

Isabel and Eric watch the Soliders of the Sun guard Jesus Camp. Eric laughs at the idea that some scared little boys with crossbows are the church’s army. Isabel warns that he shouldn’t sleep on the church – their support is growing and they are willing to die for their cause. Eric is all, “That can be arranged.” Isabel warns that they cannot make a move until they are sure Godric is being held there. She says that she felt something earlier that told her Hugo was in danger, but he’s fine now.

Eric asks what she finds so fulfilling about human companionship. She says that humans feel things more deeply than vampires and that everything is exciting and has a sense of urgency with them. She is not repulsed by the idea that Hugo will one day grow old. She wants to know what Bill thinks of Eric’s interest in Sookie, but Eric says he has none. They wonder how the church could have over powered a vampire as strong as Godric, and Eric thinks that it had to have involved something not human.

Inside the church, Sarah wants to confess to Steve that she and Jason had sex and are in love. Jason doesn’t like that idea at all. He convinces her to wait until after the lockdown. She agrees.

Hoyt and Jessica are making out when he admits that he’s a virgin. So is she, so it’s all good in the hood. They agree to be each other’s first, but since it’s almost dawn, it will have to wait.

At the hotel, Isabel, Stan, and Godric talk about Sookie and Hugo’s disappearance. Stan predicts that they ran off and joined the church. Eric accuses Stan of setting Godric up to steal his title. Stan denies it. As Eric turns to go into his room, he says that without Godric nothing will be the same… and he cries blood tears. Now, I don’t know if this is due to the fact that the sun is coming up, or he’s Godric’s bitch.

Tara and Eggs wake up on the couch at Sookie’s. Tara doesn’t remember anything past following the trail of clothes into the woods. Eggs says that it’s normal after smoking some of Maryann’s weed.

Sam arrives at Merlotte’s and pulls out a gun he keeps stashed in his office.

At Jesus Camp, Steve and Gabe show up at the church basement. Sookie warns that the church members will find themselves dead if they keep playing this game. Steve laughs and apologizes to Sookie. He just wants answers. Hugo drops a dollar worth of dimes on both of them! Punkass. When Steve finds out Sookie’s last name, he and Gabe leave to confront Jason. Hugo is unapologetic for his bitch move. Sookie tries to send a telepathic message to Barry telling him where they are and that Godric is being held at the church too.

At the hotel, Bill and Lorena are both getting sick from being up in the daytime. She refuses to sleep because she knows that the moment she sleeps, Bill will try to rescue Sookie. When he tries to call someone to help Sookie, Lorena breaks the phone and tells Bill that Eric is the reason she’s there and that he wants Sookie – just let Eric have her. Bill bleeds from his ears. Probably from the news that Eric wants to bang his girl AND the fact that the sun is up.

At Jesus Camp, Jason is trying to high-tail it out of Dodge. Steve and Gabe show up and force him in the jeep.

Detective Andy tries telling the sheriff about what he saw the night before, but the sheriff doesn’t believe him.

As Eggs and Tara watch TV, Maryann comes in all dirty and bloody and carrying a dead rabbit. Gross! Tara asks if she threw a party and Maryann admits to having a few people over for drinks and Sookie shouldn’t mind since they fixed her broke ass water heater.

While Gabe holds a knife to Jason’s neck, Steve tells Jason he knows what he’s up to. Jason is about to confess to sleeping with Sarah when he realizes Steve is talking about something else. Steve orders Gabe to get rid of Jason.

Sam shows up at the lake with a gun and pulls it on Daphne. He wants to know if the scars on her back are how Maryann got her to be a whore. Daphne says it’s not whoring because she did it for love  – the love of Maryann. Daphne explains that Maryann wants him because he got away from her and she can’t control him. Since they’re supernatural, she can’t control them. They have to go to her willingly. Daphne says that Maryann is God.

At the Jesus Camp basement, Hugo is acting like a little bitch again. When Sookie tries to calm him down, she reads his thoughts and realizes he’s the traitor.

Daphne explains to Sam that Maryann is a maenad – a handmaiden to the devil. She controls violence, excess, and lust. She’s the closest thing to a God and she cannot be controlled. Sam asks if Maryann will leave everyone in town alone if he goes to her willingly. Daphne doubts it. Sam leaves, disgusted.

Hugo admits to Sookie that once Isabel wouldn’t turn him, he realized that vampires are selfish and only care about themselves. They don’t want humans to be their equals. That’s what he joined The Fellowship. Sookie asks why the Newlins have him down there if he means so much to them. Doh!

Steve tells Sarah he needs to talk to her in private about Jason. Gulp! As Gabe marches Jason into the woods, he calls Sookie a whore. That seems to be what sends Jason over the edge. He beats dat ass, grabs the knife, and runs off leaving Gabe with a wounded pride and sore nuts.

In the ladies room of Merlotte’s, Lafayette is on the phone trying to sell the V Pam gave him. Arlene comes into work late asking for Sam. Tara, who was kissing Eggs at the bar, tells her Sam isn’t around. Arlene is relieved. She snatches Tara off to the ladies room. Tara and Lafayette have words and he leaves. Arlene tells Tara that she blacked out with Terry the night before. This gets Tara’s attention. Arlene is afraid she date raped Terry because he was acting weird… weirder than usual… the next morning.

At the bar, Lafayette calls out Eggs as being nothing but trouble. Tara shows up and tells him to behave. Andy comes in looking for Terry and calls out everyone for being devil worshipping zombie-fuckers. When Arlene tries to calm him down…

“Fuck you, zombie woman!”

I love Andy!

Jessica awakes at nightfall to find that Hoyt has strewn roses petals all around the bedroom and has lit blood-scented candles. Awwww. Also, he’s playing, “Bleeding Love,” on the radio. Nicely played, Hoyt. Nicely played. Jessica tells him to take off his pants.

Jason runs through the woods at Jesus Camp when Sarah shows up in a jeep. She shoots him.

Daphne stand on the docks at night and Maryann shows up. She thanks Daphne for her service, kisses her, and then steps aside as a brainwashed Eggs stabs Daphne.

Gabe shows up at the basement and starts beating on Hugo. Sookie jumps in a finds herself gripped up by the neck for her troubles.

Bill hears Sookie’s screams and tries once again to run to her, but Lorena stops him. She threatens to stake him.

Flashback again: Bill asks Lorena to release him. He no longer wants her or to be like her. When he threatens to stake himself, she releases him.

At the hotel, Barry shows up with Sookie’s message, but Lorena covers Bill’s mouth. Barry calls the message through the door. Eric, across the  hall, hears and rushes out when he hears that Godric is indeed at the church. Barry feels the wind of Eric running past, but doesn’t see him. He sends his own message to Sookie saying that he’s done doing her and her vampire buddies favors, but then Lorena  snatches him into the hotel room by his collar.

Gabe is about to rape Sookie in the basement when he yanked off his feet. Sookie turns to find a young vampire holding Gabe by his neck.

“Godric?”

If that is Godric, he damn sure looks different than he did in the epi when he turned Eric. Also, I hope he’s legal so I won’t feel so bad lusting after him. He was hawt!

True Blood airs Sunday at 9pm on HBO.

BIOBaby: Cry It Out

There are reasons being a parent is the hardest job in the world:

- It’s hard without any real instructions. I don’t care how many books you read by doctors and other experts, there are never any cut-and-dry answers. Well, besides the obvious “don’t put your baby in the microwave” or “don’t drown your children in the tub.”

- All kids are different. What worked for Kali may not work for Jack, and what worked for either of them may not work for any of yours.

- The rewards are massive.

As I follow many bloggers who happen to be Moms (I hate the term “mommy bloggers), I’ve come across one phrase over and over – “cry it out.”

“I don’t let my kids cry it out.”

At first I thought this meant that they don’t let their kids cry at all. But as I did some research and read several blogs, I found that they are referring to the method of letting your child cry themselves to sleep.

Jack has “cried it out” twice. He was about 5 or 6 months old and for two days he just gave me a fit at nap time. (I’m a firm believer in scheduled naps, by the way.) Normally, he’d go right to sleep while nursing or by being left alone on the bed. (And by alone I mean, no rocking or patting. I remained on the bed with him.) But one day he just wasn’t having it. And I tried EVERYTHING.

I knew he was tired, but it was like he was fighting sleep. He cried and cried no matter what I did. Donny and I had decided while I was pregnant that we weren’t going to start bad habits that we couldn’t stick with. We based this decision on 1. successfully raising Kali with the same methods and 2. watching other parents. We did not want to be those parents who were slaves to the child. You know what I mean. The poor child won’t sleep unless someone is holding him at a 45 degree angle, standing on one foot, and singing Ave Maria in C sharp.

The first day, I put Jack in the pack-n-play next to my bed and he cried for maybe two minutes. Then he laid his head down and went to sleep. The next day, I did the same thing and he cried for maybe one minute… and then went to sleep.

Did I feel good about it? No. Mothers don’t like hearing their babies cry. That being said, I don’t know that I’d try the “cry it out” method again, especially when we decide to transition him from co-sleeping to sleeping alone in his room.

Like spanking, it’s just not for me. Advocates against the method probably see little difference in what I did – rocking the pack and play, cooing at him, until he stopped crying and fell asleep – and leaving the crying child in his crib with the lights out to fall asleep alone. And that’s okay. We’re all just doing the best we can, when we can.

Here are some interesting blogs on the subject at phdinparenting.com:

Cry It Out (CIO): 10 Reasons Why It Is Not For Us

Cry It Out (CIO): Is It Helpful or Harmful?

Next week we’ll discuss “crying it out” in other situations.

But for today, what do you think of the “cry it out” method when trying to get your child to sleep?

Try Not To Stab Anyone With Fiskar Scissors

My cousin, whose son is one, declared this weekend that when it’s time for her to buy his school supplies, she’ll do her shopping a month before everyone else. I think she’s on to something. If the school will provide the list of necessary supplies early enough, I say get it out of the way as soon as possible.

Want to know the recipe for making me want to shank people?

1/2 cup of other people’s kids – which I don’t like

1/2 cup of other people’s loud ass/bad ass kids – which I don’t like

1 cup of Walmart which seems to bring out the bad ass in all kids

1 tbs of people losing their minds over ten cent two-pocket folders with brads

1 tsp of Kali asking for everything NOT on her list

Add a dash of spending two week’s worth of grocery money on your child’s first birthday party and bring to a slow boil during tax-free weekend.

Ugh.

First of all, Walmart needs to get their shit together. Kali’s list called for one glue stick. They had a single glue stick for $1.49, but above that they had a 3-pack for $1.59. We grabbed the 3-pack. A few minutes later, we found a bin of the same damn glue sticks (single package) for 25 cents! And who the hell doesn’t sell composition notebooks during back to school time? I couldn’t find one in the whole joint.

But what really pisses me off, are all the “extras” on the list. Each child has to bring in four boxes of Kleenex, a bottle of antibacterial soap, and two reams of copy paper. I don’t mind helping out the classroom. I really don’t. But it seems like the parents are buying everything! Why are we buying the Lysol wipes? Don’t they have janitors cleaning the classrooms? Why am I buying red pens? So the teacher can use them to grade papers and take attendance? I swear to God, Kali better bring home schoolwork written in red ink or I’m going off.

The one good thing is that it seems the older she gets, the less “group supplies” are required. A few years ago, we brought the required supplies up to the classroom during registration and when I asked where I could put Kali’s stuff, the teacher gestured towards a huge cardboard box. Everyone dumped their supplies and then the teacher divvied it up. Um, what? I wouldn’t have bought all the name brand good shit if I’d have known there was a chance some other kid would be using it!

At least this year, I know everything we just bought is actually needed. One year, we bought all the items on the list provided on the school’s website only to be told by the teacher that she required completely different items!

So,  school supply shopping tips from me to you:

1. Shop early if you can. The money you save by waiting for the tax-free weekend is nothing compared to the bail money it will cost after you beat someone’s ass in Walmart.

2. Triple check with your child’s teacher that the list the school provides is indeed correct.

3. Ask her what items, if any, are considered “community” supplies. If you are throwing your crayons in a big box of share shit, then you might wanna opt for Roseart over Crayola. I’m just sayin’.

4. Use those little machines throughout Walmart and Target that allow you to do your own price checks. The stores are a mad house and they’re obviously not consistently pricing/displaying the items.

5. Save your receipts.

And finally…

6. Try not to stab anyone with fiskar scissors.

Jack in the Birthday Box

Ever since taking Wilton cake decorating classes, I’ve tried to make all the cakes for my immediate family i.e., Donny’s birthday, Kali’s, holidays, etc. My stepmother and I took the classes together so she makes all the cakes for the extended family because she’s much better at it than I am. Also, she has the patience.

Every time I make a cake I swear that the next time I will just go to Publix and order one from their bakery. It’s a lot of work and at the end of it all my kitchen always looks like the Stay-Puff Marshmallow man shat on it. But then I change my mind because deep down, I have fun with it. This time, Jack’s first birthday, was no exception.

Friday afternoon Donny and I prepared two balls of fondant per the directions in this video and then stored them in the fridge:

For the record, when I poured my marshmallows on the sugar, I didn’t have that sticky problem. I think I let mine cool a bit more than she did because it was ridiculously easy to work with.

Friday night I stayed up by myself while Donny went to bed with Jack. I baked six cakes in order to get the right cube size I was looking for in making Jack’s cake. I had only planned on making four, but I messed up by not using one box of mix per pan. I split one box for two pans so each cake wasn’t as tall as I’d like. Because it midnight by the time I had stacked the four cakes (yellow), and I didn’t want to wake up Donny to go to the store (and I damn sure wasn’t tryna go), I ended up using the only other cake mix I had in the house for the final two layers – coconut.

While the cakes were baking, I made a batch of buttercream icing. I stacked the cakes putting a thin layer of icing between each cake. Then, I cut a dowel rod and put through the center of the cakes. Pictures of us working with dowel rods can be seen here. I had the cakes on a board covered in foil, and wrapped the cake in saran wrap before placing it in the freezer.

I also got a jump on some of the other food we had planned for the next day and finally went to bed around 3am.

Donny got up at 6am and started working on more food. By the time I got up around 9am, we began working on the cake. In retrospect, we should have started earlier. Also, since we didn’t really have a clear idea on how we were going to do some of the things we wanted to do with the cake, I think it took longer.

Anyway, we took the cake out of the freezer and Donny measured it again so he knew how much he needed to carve to get the cube we wanted. The cake is much easier to cut when it’s semi-frozen. We let it thaw for about an hour before we worked with it.

We had also sat the airtight containers holding the fondant out while we worked on the cake. When we were ready for the fondant, we nuked it in the microwave for ten seconds while it was still in saran wrap. It was then soft enough to roll out.

Donny measured each side and cut out a square of fondant in the same size. I covered each side with a thin layer of buttercream and then we placed a fondant square to each side. We stacked three chocolate donuts on the top of the cake to serve at the Jack-in-the-box’s body. Donny tied some fondant blue and covered the donuts with it.

Donny then made some Rice Krispie Treats and while it was still warm I formed some of it in a ball. Then, Donny covered the ball in white fondant to serve as the head. We took the three parts to my parent’s house where the party was being held so that my stepmother could help us with the rest. Also, we were running very late.

While my Dad and I (and later my Aunt and cousin) set out the food, my stepmother and Donny continued to work on the cake. Donny used gum paste to make the facial features. He cut out white triangles for eyes and used the black gel icing coloring to paint on the pupils. He dyed a small portion red and rolled into a small ball for the nose. The mouth was a red piece of gumpaste rolled and shaped into a smile.

The yellow border around the box was made out of gumpaste and stuck on with piping gel. My stepmother rolled out fondant and cut out a circle for the Jack to pop out of and used stencils of the alphabet we got from Hobby Lobby to cute out a J, A, C, and K. Donny had earlier cut some dowel rods in the shape of the crank you use to open the box. He glued the wood pieces together with wood glue, and once dried, he covered it in gum paste dyed red and gray.

Donny then stuck a dowel rod through the donut body to give the Jack arms and covered the wood in fondant. White hands were made out of gum paste and stuck on the ends of the arms.

We had no idea what we were gonna do about the hair, but then my stepmom rolled some yellow gumpaste with red coloring and rolled little orange worms. She stuck them to the head to give him hair. At some point Donny asked me to make a pastry bag out of a piece of parchment triangle. I did, and then he covered it with fondant to give the Jack a hat. A dowel rod was stuck down into the middle of his head so the hat would stay in place.

My stepmother covered a graham cracker cookie in fondant and propped it up against the back of the Jack to serve as the door to the box. While Donny prepared these sandwiches, I used piping gel to stick the letters of his name to the sides of the cake.

And…

Anatomy of a Cake: Kali’s 9th Birthday Cake

This blog was originally posted on April 13th, 2008.

I am so tired.

I woke up at 7am and spoke to myself out loud like Trinity in The Matrix when she flies through that window and lands on her back with two guns drawn.

“Get up, Nina. Get. Up. You have four cakes to bake, 36 cupcakes, a house to clean and decorate…”

“And don’t forget a real breakfast to make.”

Oh yeah, Kali had informed Donny the night before that she wanted a real breakfast on her birthday.

“Right. As opposed to all the freeze-dried, powdered, astronaut, fake ass breakfasts I’ve been serving her the first nine years of her life.”

The nerve! We always do real breakfast on the weekends. During the week she eats breakfast at school. Anyway… from 7:15am to 1:30pm Donny and I baked, cleaned, decorated, and cooked. For food we had caesar salad, arroz con pollo, and burgers and hot dogs on the grill. As for the cakes and cupcakes…

I first baked the four cakes to make up the two tiers. Then I baked 36 cupcakes and made the buttercream icing. THEN, we were ready to do the real work….

See that stuff on the paper towel to the left? I use that tool (it’s below and to the right of the cupcake pan) to shave off the tops of the cakes to make them flat and level. That stuff is cake top. Kali likes to eat it. Then I put the two layers together (top to top) so that you’re working with the smooth bottom as your top. That silver package is the white fondant. The silver mixer bowl contains the buttercream icing.

When you first make the icing it’s consistency is stiff. I get it to medium by adding milk. I used medium to pipe on top of the cupcakes and then whipped it with more milk to make it thin for icing the cakes.

The wonderful thing about covering a cake with fondant is that you only need to put a thin layer of icing on the cake and it doesn’t have to be perfect because no one will see it! As seen below…

Here Donny measures the cake to determine how long the dowel rods need to be. You place four in the bottom tier to help support the cake going on top of it.

Next, you measure the sides of the cake and across the top to get the diameter. When you roll out your fondant you want it to have an extra inch diameter before laying it on the cake. The rolling pad we use has the circular measurements on it so you can tell if you have the right size fondant rolled out.

Below, Donny rolled out the fondant in it’s natural form (white) first to make sure it was 15 inches around like we needed. Then he smeared some pink coloring gel on the white fondant with a toothpick and then kneaded it until it was pink. Then he rolled it out again.

Above you can see the little jar of pink coloring next to the TiVo remote. Donny did most of the fondant work because 1. my ass was tired from doing the cupcakes and 2. a six month pregnant belly doesn’t do well when your’re hunched over the table and rolling thick ass fondant.

Below, you see Donny and I rolling the fondant on the cake with a rolling pin.

Starting at the top you smooth it with your hands and work your way around the sides making sure there are no air bubbles and creases. Once it’s complete you can use a pizza cutter to trim the excess. See below:

Finished bottom tier…

Note: our hands and the work surface are covered in confectioners sugar as it helps to make sure the fondant doesn’t stick to the work surface and makes it more pliable.

Below, while Donny prepared the blue fondant for the top tier I used the excess already rolled out pink fondant to make the shapes I needed to decorate the cake and cupcakes.

Below, the smaller top tier cake is covered the same as the pink was…

Yes, Richard that’s the nightshirt you sent me from DisneyWorld on your trip before last.

With the dowel rods inserted in the pink cake, we place the top tier on it….

Using a pastry paint brush I apply vanilla extract to the cut out fondant pieces and press them to the cakes. While I do this Donny presses out the blue fondant pieces we’ll need to decorate the pink cake and cupcakes.

Note: We decided to do the flower shapes instead of the polka dots and we also decided that to make each cake three layers or more (like the picture we got the idea from) was just too much cake for this party. So, it’s a lot shorter than we originally planned, but you’ll see later that it worked out for the best.

Once all the flowers are attached we place some of the larger ones on the cupcakes and I pipe a single dollop of icing in the center of each. I also pipe a dot of icing on the four larger flowers atop the cake. We also cut out two thin strips of fondant (one in each color) and used that as the border for each cake.

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