Class Act

For years now I’ve wanted to get Kali involved in some kind of extra curricular activity. It’s been hard because most activities are ridiculously expensive and Kali is ridiculously picky.

When she was four she took ballet at her preschool for a year. She enjoyed it, but became too old for that particular program once she started kindergarten. Since then, we looked into piano lessons and soccer. Both were very expensive. We were thisclose to signing her up for soccer, but when we explained that she’d have to attend weekly practice and compete against other teams, her interest quickly waned. Thank God too, because the costly registration and uniform fees were non-refundable.

A few weeks ago, Kali’s school sent home some information on local activities for kids. One that caught my eye was a creative arts program. The class meets once a week for an hour to learn acting, dance, and video production. They put on two performances a year and it was only $50 a month. I told Kali we’d be going to the signup – with complimentary pizza and beverages – whether she liked it or not.

She did not.

She hit the roof. She insisted that she’d be no good at singing, dancing, and acting and that she didn’t want to talk in front of other people. I explained to her that she had no idea what she was good at because she refused to try anything. She agreed to go simply for the free food and also, the small minor detail that she really had no damn choice.

Now, I’m not a fan of parents pushing their kids to participate in programs against their will, but my child has never tried anything past the elementary ballet lessons. I figured I’d pay for it for a month or two and if she didn’t like it – or sucked at it – I’d pull her out.

Saturday, my Mom and I took Kali and my little sis (who is very much interested in the performing arts) to the all-you-can-eat pizza buffet place in order to sign up for the program. I’d warned Kali before we left, “Don’t get there and act like you’ve never had anything. You can have one slice of pizza, maybe two, and something to drink.”

It was the ghettoest thing I’ve ever seen. There was no organization at all. The director who ran the program looked like she’d had a Xanax shake before we got there. There were no forms to fill out, no program schedule and the website promised that each child would receive a bag of items needed for class complete with a journal – I didn’t see those either.

The director floated around talking to each parent without saying much of anything. Kali sat and ate her two slices of pizza with a smug look on her face. She knew I was not feeling it. When the director made her way to our table, she couldn’t even tell me the exact address of where the classes would be held. She was not getting my $50!

“Mommy, can I get more pizza and maybe a brownie?”

“Sure, Kali. Eat up.”

Not all is lost. Friday, her school sent home a sign-up sheet for a book club. Every other week Kali will stay after school for an hour to meet with the club. They discuss the assigned books and come up with questions about what they read. Then they practice competing with each other using a buzzer to answer the questions. The ten best participants will make up a team that competes against other book clubs in the county in February. Cost? $5 to cover the snacks provided at the meetings.

“I don’t want to do it!”

“But you like to read!”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to do the buzzer thing.”

“Are you kidding? Buzzers are fun! I’m all about buzzing in before the other guy. It’s awesome!”

“I don’t want to compete on a stage and have everyone looking at me.”

Now, I reason that if she doesn’t like the competition part of the meetings, she’ll suck at it and won’t make the team. And that’s fine. But I want her to have the experience of discussing books with other students. Book clubs are fun!

“Fine! But I’m only going cause there’s gonna be snacks!”

“Yeah, that and I’m making you.”

Are you sensing a pattern here?

For My Writer Friends and the People That Like To Read Them

I have 31 chapters of Sharing Space completed. Most of you know that the first 1o chapters were written almost ten years ago. Boy, does it show! Some of the worst offenses?

• About 100 sentences that began, “It was then that…”
  • It was then that we noticed…
  • It was then that she entered the room…
  • It was then that Nina wanted to shoot herself in the head…
• About 100 uses of the word immediately
• About 100 sentences that went like this:
  • We were more than a little surprised that…
  • I was more than a little annoyed that…
• About 100 sentences that went like this:
  • To say that the day hadn’t gone well would be an understatement…
  • To say that she didn’t like him would be an understatement
• About 100 sentences that went like this:
  • I was saved from having to answer when the phone rang
  • We were saved from having to find out because she walked into the room
  • Nina was saved from having to find out what a horrible writer she was because she finally gave up, and got a job at WalMart.

I have discovered that I am a “get it all out and make it pretty later” kind of writer. When the story is in me, I must get it out and I’ll worry about imagery and proper comma placement later. Fuck it.

It took me all weekend, but it’s definitely a lot prettier than it was. I decided to take a break from SS and use The Writer’s Toolbox I bought from Barnes & Noble yesterday. Oh, while I was there, I also claimed my spot on the shelf. I moved the other books out the way and placed my hand in the empty space. I closed my eyes and visualized my book there – right before Arturo Pérez-Reverte.

Where was I? Oh yeah, I bought the toolbox because like most writers, I find myself lacking motivation. And like most writers that are mothers, wives, students, etc., I find myself lacking the time when I am motivated. The box is filled with neat little exercises designed to get the juices flowing.

I did the exercise using the three sticks. First, you draw from a bunch of sticks called The First Sentence sticks. Each one has a first sentence to get you started. Whatever you pick, that’s the sentence that must start your story. You write for six minutes, and then draw a Non Sequitur stick. Each has a phrase designed to move your writing in a new direction. Write for another six minutes. Finally, draw a Last Straw stick. These contain phrases that should promote conflict or action.

I drew:

I placed the tulips under the pillow, and then I lit the house on fire.

We were drinking champagne, and losing our shirts

The lemon sherbet had melted all over the counter.

Below is what I came up with. Remember, it’s 18 minutes of free writing. I haven’t made it pretty yet, but I know where I want it to go. Check it out.

I placed the tulips under the pillow, and then I set fire to the house. I’d always hated the house with its creaky wooden floors and faded walls. When my parents first moved us into the house, I was ten. I knew then, fifteen years ago, that I’d destroy it, or it would destroy me.

It landed the early blows; loose carpeting on the steps caused me to fall when I was twelve  and break my arm and the window in my bedroom fell on my hand when I was fourteen and broke two bones. I was no punk, though, and exacted revenge often and fiercely. I punched holes in my bedroom walls just for the hell of it. Imagined the dry wall flakes to be the house’s guts and I literally danced on them, mashing them into the floor. I was grounded for a month after that.

When my mother first planted the tulip garden, I was angry. The house didn’t deserve such beauty.

The house had a way of turning everything in it against me. I realized this one summer afternoon when I tried to prepare a snack. I took out a tub of sherbet from the freezer right before I realized that I had to pee. I left it sitting out while I ran to the powder room four feet from the kitchen. How long does it take you to pee? Include wiping, washing your hands, and shutting off the lights. Two minutes? Three? When I returned to the kitchen I discovered the lemon sherbet had melted all over the counter.  I knew then that house controlled the counters, the walls, the ceiling, the floors, the drapes and the light fixtures. It had many weapons at its disposal and I’d have to be creative to survive.

The first opportunity I had to leave the vindictive house, I took it. Though the campus was a few short miles away, I went to live in the dorms when I went to college. One weekend, when my parents were out of town visiting my mother’s sister in Toronto, I let my friends convince me to have a party at the house.

“It’s so big and awesome! Your house is wicked!” my retarded roommate had gushed.

“You have no idea.” I replied before giving in.

The party was going as well as college parties could go; we were drinking champagne and losing our shirts – we were a fancy bunch who would never stoop so low as to drink beer or cheap liquor. I was about to take Levi Stiles up to my old bedroom for some heavy petting, and maybe, light fucking, when the house exacted its ultimate revenge.

Nina’s Book Club – Vote for September’s Selection

Update: The winner is Fluke Or, I Know Why The Winged Whale Sings by Christopher Moore. I’ve already started. I’ll be posting the discussion blog for this book on September 30th at which time we’ll also choose October’s selection.

*****

I went through all of your selections and came up with a small list for us to vote on. Below you will find each title with a brief description to help with your vote. I tried to keep the selections “light” as (this month anyway) I’m not in the mood for anything too heavy with school just starting.

Please vote for one title only in the comments section below. Feel free to nominate a title for October by emailing it to nina@blogitoutb.com

This Charming Man by Marion Keyes -

Paddy de Courcy is Ireland’s debonair politician, the “John F. Kennedy Jr. of Dublin.” His charm and charisma have taken hold of the country and the tabloids, not to mention our four heroines: Lola, Grace, Marnie, and Alicia. But though Paddy’s winning smile is fooling Irish minds, the broken hearts he’s left in his past offer a far more truthful look into his character.

Narrated in turn by each woman, This Charming Man explores how their love for this one man has shaped their lives. But in true Marian Keyes fashion, this is more than a story of four love affairs. It’s a testament to the strength women find in themselves through work, friendship, and family, no matter what demons may be haunting their lives. Depression, self-doubt, domestic abuse—each of these women has seen tough times in life, and it’s through Keyes’s wonderful storytelling ability that these subjects are approached with the appropriate tone and candor. Her deft touch provides a gripping story and, ultimately, a redemptive ending.

Almost Moon – Alice Sebold

A woman steps over the line into the unthinkable in this brilliant, powerful, and unforgettable new novel by the author of The Lovely Bones and Lucky.

For years Helen Knightly has given her life to others: to her haunted mother, to her enigmatic father, to her husband and now grown children. When she finally crosses a terrible boundary, her life comes rushing in at her in a way she never could have imagined. Unfolding over the next twenty-four hours, this searing, fast-paced novel explores the complex ties between mothers and daughters, wives and lovers, the meaning of devotion, and the line between love and hate. It is a challenging, moving, gripping story, written with the fluidity and strength of voice that only Alice Sebold can bring to the page.

The Gargoyle – Andrew Davidson

At the start of Davidson’s powerful debut, the unnamed narrator, a coke-addled pornographer, drives his car off a mountain road in a part of the country that’s never specified. During his painful recovery from horrific burns suffered in the crash, the narrator plots to end his life after his release from the hospital. When a schizophrenic fellow patient, Marianne Engel, begins to visit him and describe her memories of their love affair in medieval Germany, the narrator is at first skeptical, but grows less so. Eventually, he abandons his elaborate suicide plan and envisions a life with Engel, a sculptress specializing in gargoyles. Davidson, in addition to making his flawed protagonist fully sympathetic, blends convincing historical detail with deeply felt emotion in both Engel’s recollections of her past life with the narrator and her moving accounts of tragic love. Once launched into this intense tale of unconventional romance, few readers will want to put it down.

Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings – Christopher Moore

In his entertaining adventure-in-whale-researching, Fluke, or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings, Nathan Quinn, a prominent marine biologist, has been conducting studies in Hawaii for years trying to unravel the secret of why humpback whales sing. During a typical day of data gathering, Nate believes his mind is failing: the subject whale has “Bite Me” scrawled across its tail. Events become even stranger as the self-proclaimed “action nerds,” Nate, photographer Clay, their research assistant Amy, and Kona, a white Rasta (a Jewish kid from New Jersey), encounter sabotage to their data and equipment. They also observe increasingly bizarre whale behavior, including a phone call from the whale to their wealthy sponsor to ask that Nate bring it a hot pastrami and Swiss on rye, and discover both a thriving underwater city and the secret to what happened to Amelia Earhart. Thoughtful, irreverent, and often hilarious, Moore has crafted a tale that contains a bit of the saga of declining whale populations due to hunting and habitat destruction, as well as his over-the-top, decadent wit as applied to scientific methodology and professional jealousies. Moore notes a pasty, rival scientist “looked like Death out for his after-dinner stroll before a busy night of e-mailing heart attacks and tumors to a few million lucky winners,” and that killer whales (which are all named Kevin), are “just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.” Smart, sincere, and a whale of a story, Fluke is terrific.

Fluke  gets my vote because I am reading Christopher Moore’s, “A Dirty Job” and it is hilarious! I could go for another dose of his humor.

Nina’s Book Club – September Suggestions

I want to start a monthly book club on this site. Each month, anyone who wants to participate will vote on a book. We’ll have a month to read it. At the end of the month, I’ll post a blog/review of the book and we can discuss it in comments.

If you’d like to participate, or even if you don’t but know of a good book you think we’d like, please leave some suggestions below with a brief description of the book. I’ll narrow it down to three titles and open it up to voting before September 1st. (Also, make sure your library fines are all paid up! It will probably be easier on your bank account to participate if you borrow the books from your local branch.)

Please share this link with anyone who might be interested.

Thanks!

Full of Gratitude

The other day I was watching the Big Brother live feeds and this girl won HOH (just google it), and as she looked at the pictures of her family and friends, and touched the reminders of home that were given to her, she couldn’t stop smiling. She was genuinely happy and appreciative. I couldn’t stop looking at her. It made me happy that she was so happy.

Little did I know that a few days later I’d be sitting at my kitchen table, barely able to contain my own joy, and touching the most thoughtful birthday present.

When I came downstairs this morning there were three packages on the kitchen table. Thank you to Cathy for hooking me up with the first five seasons of SG1. I’ll take good care of them and get them back to you. I’m starting tonight! Thank you to Sophie for Jack’s water bottle. It’s super cute and he used it this morning. And thank you to Kemari for my gifts.

The front of Kemari’s card read, “Happy Birthday to the most exciting, interesting, intelligent, witty, and charming person I know.” And inside, “God, I have to get out more!”

I won’t embarrass her, nor tarnish her bitchy reputation, by revealing all of the handwritten message but it was equal parts snarky (To my favorite snobby bitch…) and sweet (I always got your back… even though you suck!) But what really set me off was one of my presents. She sent me two books; one I’d mentioned many months ago, but she remembered and the other a moleskine notebook.

The note inside read, “A few months back, someone asked you if you had a Moleskine Notebook. As usual, you didn’t seem to know what it was, but when someone explained it, you said you wanted one and that you would get Donny to buy you one.”

I should interject here and say that I don’t remember this, but I’m sure I didn’t sound that demanding.

She continued,”I don’t know if he ever got you one or if you even remembered to ask him, but I remembered. Every WRITER should have a Moleskine Notebook at some point. It’s like a rite of passage. So here is yours.”

Let me tell you something you might not know about writers:

We all think we suck. Even though, deep down, we know we are awesome in our own way, there is still a part of us that second guesses every word we put to paper. See, it usually starts innocently enough – your Dad finds the beginning of a novel you started when you were 17 in the backseat of his car. He’s impressed. You let that fuel you while thinking that he has to say that. He’s your Dad. He’s going to encourage anything that keeps you off the pole.

I assume that everyone who says they liked something I’ve written is lying to be nice. So, to have someone purchase this notebook… I don’t know… it’s like validation. And I’m done talking about it because it will just get me crying again.

***

The thoughtful notes and dozens of birthday wishes carried me to my first day of school and they kept me from choking people in the campus bookstore.

I bought one of the books I need for my Feature Writing class at a different campus bookstore Saturday. It was over $60 brand new. Before my class today, I went to the bookstore on my campus to see if they had it used. The plan was to return the new one, purchase the used one, and save a few bucks.

Outside the bookstore was this huge guy taking backpacks because they don’t allow you in the store with them. He would take your bag, snap a clothespin with a number on it on the strap, and then hand you a clothespin with a matching number. As I waited for my turn, I heard him tell another student that they weren’t buying back used books in the store, and that instead she’d have to go around the corner to an office. When it was my turn, I asked if that included returns and exchanges. He told me no. He said I could take the book in the store with me.

As soon as I walk in the store, an elderly woman at the door says she needs to hold on to the book while I shop. I run to the aisle with the journalism books and find the book in question used. $48. Perfect. I also grab an $11 book I need for the same class. I get in line and the woman at the door brings the book I’m returning over to me. When it’s finally my turn, can anyone guess what the girl at the register told me?

I couldn’t return the book in the store. I had to go around the corner to some office. Now, if it were not my birthday and had I not had such a lovely morning thanks to you, my internet friends, I might have asked out loud the question in my head:

Is it too much to ask for people to know what the fuck they’re talking about?

She offered to hold the two books for me and the fat boy at the baggage claim pointed me in the direction to return my book. I made sure to tell him that he was incorrect in the hopes that it would spare other students a pain in the ass. I told him I’d be back for my laptop bag.

I’m in the office returning the book and I explain to the cashier that when I originally paid for it, $42 was taken from my student ID (which holds your financial aid and scholarship money) and the remaining $20+ came from my debit card. It took her five minutes to figure out how to put the money back on the appropriate cards. She had to walkie-talkie someone for help.Grrr!

At this point, I have like 15 mins to get to class across campus. I hoof it back to the bookstore, breeze past fat boy who is neck deep in backpacks, and get back in the long ass line. I make it to a cashier, point out the books being held for me behind the counter, and ask her to ring me up. She scans both books and tells me the total… sixty-something bucks. I explain that she will have to take the $42 off my student card, and I’d pay the difference on my debit card.

She didn’t know how to do it. And because it is my birthday and I am full of gratitude and well wishes, I didn’t suggest she get a job at McDonald’s since her current position was proving to be too difficult. After she calls for help and figures it out, I leave the bookstore only to set off the alarm. Fuck. Me.

After they figure out that I’m not a book thief, I get in line to get my bag back. Big boy takes the clothespins from the people in front of me, and without even looking at the pins he asks, “Which one is yours?”

What the fuck? What’s the point of the pins if we can just point to any bag and say it’s ours?! Sure, why not hand me that Coach bag there? Thanks!

BUT… it is my birthday. And I am loved. So, I simply handed him my clothespin and pointed to my laptop bag and resisted the urge to hit him in the head with my moleskine notebook.

Thanks to all of you for your birthday wishes. They mean a lot. Most of my family don’t “get” the whole blogging thing, but I do. And I appreciate you taking the time to read and expressing an interest in my life.

Big Brother 11 – “Welcome to the Party”

The pity party!!!

Previously on Big Brother: Chima targeted Russell during her HOH reign. The house didn’t know that America awarded Jeff with the Coup D’etat power. At last week’s elimination, Jeff used the power to remove both Lydia and Russell from the block and nominated Natalie and Jessie. Jessie was evicted. Michelle won the next HOH competition.

And now…

Flash back to Jeff standing up to reveal he was the coup d’etat winner. Jordan’s jaw literally hit the floor. Kevin clutched his pearls. Chima looks like a house just fell on her sister.

As everyone votes one by one, Chima berates Jeff for using the power. Even Jessie acknowledges it was a smart move, but logic goes on deaf and dumb ears. Jeff explains that Jessie and Natalie were ruling the house and no one was putting them up. Jessie whispers, “It’s not like that.”

Brother, it was EXACTLY like that!

As we see Jessie’s eviction, Chima and Natalie cry in the diary room. Like, actual tears. These bitches are crazy. On  his way out, Jessie stiff-arms Kevin.

Lydia cries that Jessie didn’t get in her head, he got in her heart. And you got in his pants, Skanky. Before the HOH Chima and Natalie still bitch that Jeff had the nerve to do something that benefited him in the game.

Michelle wins HOH. She’s so weird.

Russell is shitting bricks because he has berated Michelle in the past. Everyone admits that they have no idea where her head is at in the game.

Jeff points out to Jordan, Michelle, and Russell that whether they will admit it or not, he opened the door for everyone to get the money because no one was willing to nominate/go against Jessie. True dat.

In the red room, Chima and Natalie realize they have to really push Michelle to nominate Russell.

Everyone goes up to see Michelle’s HOH room. It’s as exciting as she is. Moving on…

Outside, Russell tells Jeff that if they are on the block and he wins POV, he’ll use it to take Jeff off. Russell is so full of shit. In the HOH room, Russell kisses Michelle’s ass so she won’t nominate him. He apologizes for yelling at her and calling her crazy. They hug it out.

Big Brother gives them Chinese food on eviction night. Jordan and Russell eat outside with Jeff who can’t eat because he’s on slop. Meanwhile, Natalie, Chima, and Lydia toast to Jessie.

In what has to go down (no pun intended) as one of the most poorly-worded toasts ever, Lydia, the girl who went down on Jessie numerous times says, “We only got a taste of him…”

*GAG*

Then, the three Bitches of Eastwick proceed to cry over the fact that Jessie was evicted. This is made even funnier by the cuts to Kevin’s diary room where he rightfully points out that Jessie nominated Chima, voted to evict Lydia, and then stiff-armed him for keeping Natalie in the game.

The next morning, Michelle admits to Jordan, Jeff, and Russell that she’s thinking of putting Chima up. Russell and Jeff damn near dance a jig in excitement.

During the Have/Have Not competition, Chima continues to act like a twat.

Then we get a super stupid segment on Lydia’s stuffed unicorn, Dae Yum Yum. That bitch is crazy.

Outside, Russell asks Jordan if she likes Jeff and if she’d date him outside the house.  She also points out that she’s also 22 and not sure of what she wants. Jeff asks Jordan if she wants to get married, and she says yes. She demands a square-cut diamond. He says he’ll get her diamond grills instead. Then he says she’ll be happy with whatever he gets her and then I swoon because he’s hot when he’s forceful and shit.

Natalie asks Michelle where her head is at. She hints that she won’t be putting Russell on the block. Natalie leaves and Chima comes in. Michelle warns her that she won’t like the nominations. Chima doesn’t like it, but you can tell she’s still trying to play nice still because she doesn’t want to get nominated. She warns Michelle that if she doesn’t put Russell up, he’s gonna come after Michelle.

Oh, America gets to vote for more Have Not food. Please God, let churros and chitlins win. That would be awesome.

Nomination time!

Michelle nominates Chima and Natalie. Bwahahahahaha! I love it.

DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS:

By now you all know that Chima went all psycho-bitch and left the Big Brother house. How does this affect the jury vote and this week’s Double Eviction? Tune in tomorrow night and Thursday to find out!

Clothing Optional

It didn’t occur to me until a week or so before it actually happened that Jack’s first birthday coincided with Kali going back to school. Children are expensive! I decided to take inventory of Kali’s clothes before going school shopping. I had no interest in buying her a whole new wardrobe if she didn’t need one.

After discovering that she had well over a dozen pairs of jeans, dozens of shirts, and several pairs of capris and leggings that were all school appropriate, I bought her just one pair of jeans (because they were cute and $8) and a few short-sleeved shirts. She got two pairs of sneakers – a pair of pink Converses and a basic white pair of Sketchers, and new underwear.

That’s it.

The other day, a friend on Facebook asked via a status update if couples argued over what was an appropriate amount to spend on school clothes. She mentioned having a conflict with her husband on how much to spend. I posted what I had done with Kali and was surprised by some replies that seemed to suggest that going back to school required brand new clothes.

Kali gets a few clothing items throughout the year just because and when a store is having a particularly good sale, but she usually gets the bulk of her clothes in April (her birthday), before going back to school (August), when the weather starts to get colder (October, maybe) and at Christmas.

My FB friend asked if I had been talking to her husband because I guess he was thinking of doing what I had. She said, “At 15, I didn’t want to wear last year’s clothes, did you?” I replied, “No, but I also didn’t have a job!”

Also, Kali isn’t 15. She’s 10. And I don’t think I’m being naive in pointing out that Kali and her peers have yet to hit that stage where they’re judging each other on what kind of clothes are being worn. I used to feel bad when I bought her shirts from Wal-mart… until she’d come home pointing out all the girls in her class that had the same damn shirt. Name brands just aren’t on their radar… yet.

I remember being in the 7th grade and Lee jeans were all the rage. Lee would dye their denim so you could get jeans in all kinds of colors. There was a time when snatching the Lee tag from the back of someone’s pants was the cool thing to do. You could tell someone had their tag taken because the patch of material it covered was exposed as a darker rectangle along the belt loop. So, if you were wearing pink Lees, you’d have a dark pink patch. Well, my Mom insisted on buying me everything but Lees, and I couldn’t even play it off that my tag had gotten snatched because my Loos (or whatever the hell I was wearing) didn’t have the dark patch on the back!

One Mom who replied to the thread seemed to half agree with me. She said that her son was keeping three pairs of pants from last year, getting three more, and then getting a ton of new shirts. She concluded by saying, “I didn’t wear last year’s clothes and he won’t either.”

But here’s the thing – Kali ain’t wearing last year’s clothes! It’s August, school let out in May… and she hasn’t grown very much since then. Those clothes are being worn. It seems wasteful and materialistic to do otherwise. And guess what? In doing my inventory of Kali’s wardrobe I found many turtlenecks and sweaters from last winter that still fit. Those are last year’s clothes and she’ll be wearing them this year.

What are your guidelines for buying school clothes? Did you get lots of back-to-school clothes when you were a kid? What’s your worst fashion-related memory from childhood?

True Blood – S2E8 “Timebomb”

Previously on True Blood: Andy walks in on a Maryann zombie orgy and Sam escapes from it. Sookie realizes that Hugo was the vampire traitor and Steve Newlin realizes that Sookie is Jason’s sister. Hoyt and Jessica have sex. Possessed, Eggs kills Daphne for Maryann. Barry delivers Sookie’s message to Bill, who is being held by Lorena. Eric rushes to Jesus Camp and Lorena grips up Barry. Sarah shoots Jason. Godric saves Sookie from being raped.

And now…

Zeke pleads with Godric not to kill him, “Godric, it’s me.” But Godric snaps his neck anyway. Eric arrives and bows before his maker. Godric says that Eric shouldn’t have sent the humans for him. As alarms go off, Godric orders Eric and Sookie to leave and forbids Eric from killing anyone on his way out.

Godric is a party pooper!

Jason realizes that he’s not dead and thinks he’s been spared by God. Sarah points out that it’s a paintball gun. She feels betrayed. She let him into her bed and he paid her back by being a traitor. Technically, he wasn’t in her bed, per se. She shoots him in the junk with the gun. Sarah informs Jason that they have Sookie. She calls them both vampire fuckers. Jason goes a bit white boy crazy on her ass for dissin’ his sis. He takes the gun, and her jeep, and leaves.

Jesus Camp is on lockdown! The church is being evacuated. Sookie wants to know where Bill is, Eric stalls. Sookie figures out that Godric is Eric’s maker. Eric uses the perfect little Jesus Camp I’m a Little Wanker accent to pose as a member of the church in order to get by some guards. He starts to glamour one as another gets suspicious. Sookie warns him and Eric beats some ass. Sookie stops him from killing one. They search for an exit but are surrounded by a bunch of Jesus Campers. They look suspiciously like tea-bagging, ultra-Conservative, fringe birthers at a Healthcare Reform town hall meeting. Complete with crosses and weapons!

Eric assures Sookie he’ll be fine and is willing to take Godric’s place.

Lorena wants to eat Barry, and even though he is obviously weak, Bill refuses. What a pussy. I wonder if I’ll like Sookie more when she hooks up with Eric. Oh, you know it’s coming! Lorena bites into Barry and realizes his blood tastes different. While she’s distracted, Bill knocks her out with a flat-screen TV. He grabs Barry and runs out. Bill then rushes in on Hoyt and Jessica having sex.

“I don’t know what you heard, but those were cries of pleasure!,” Hoyt says proudly.

Bill tells him that if he truly cares for Jessica, he’ll drive her back to Bon Temps before the sun rises.

At Merlotte’s, Lafayette reads Tara’s tarot cards. He says she’ll have to make a choice soon. He’s about to read her future when Eggs rushes in needing her help. Lafayette leaves to clean up and Eggs admits that he’s lost a few hours. He blacked out and doesn’t remember anything after dropping Tara off at work and driving off. Tara asks Lafayette to close up alone – he’s been eavesdropping.

Jason arrives at the church and convinces the guards outside to let him in. When one realizes Jason has a paintball gun, Jason has to knock his ass out.

Sam is asleep in his car when he gets a call on his cell. The call is coming for his bar, but no one answers. Of course, he heads over there! He finds Daphne, sans heart, in the freezer. He starts to wrap her up in garbage bags, but decides to call 911. As the call is connected, the cops show up at Merlotte’s.

At Sookie’s house, Maryann cooks Daphne’s heart.

At the church, Eric is tied up in silver chains and offers himself up once again for Godric and Sookie’s release.

Steve considers tying Sookie up to Eric so they can roast together. Bill rushes in and demands Sookie be let go. Steve holds a gun on Sookie. From the balcony, Jason shoots Steve in the hand and then forehead with the paint gun. Bill uses that time to grab Sookie, but she pushes off to let Eric loose. Eric grips up Steve, but Sookie yells for him not to kill the minister while Jason yells, “Kill him! Kill the motherfucker!”

Steve says that they are all willing to be martyred before God. He’s about to get his wish. Stan and some other redneck vampires show up. Stan says that they will kill them all just like they killed Steve’s father.

The vampires move like the lightning and grab members of the church while Eric watches, with his sexy ass. Godric shows up and orders the vampires to stop. He says the members of the church didn’t harm him. Again with the party pooping!  He offers Steve a truce, but Steve is a little bitchass. Steve tells Eric to kill him, Jesus will protect him.

Godric is all, “I’m older than Jesus. Wish I coulda rolled with him, but I missed it.” Godric asks the Jesus Campers who is willing to die for Steve. If they could, I’m sure they all would have taken two big ass steps backwards, but it’s hard to move when you’re gripped up by vamps. Godric sends them all home. The vampires are all disappointed they won’t be eating. Eric asks Sookie if she’s okay, and Bill is all, “I got this.”

Jason apologizes for letting the church brainwash him. Steve jumps in and says they will see who goes to heaven and who goes to hell. Jason says he’s already been to heaven… inside Steve’s wife! He punches Steve and tosses him the honesty ring. Bill pulls Jason back as Jason taunts Steve with, “White suit motherfucker!”

At Merlotte’s, Sam defends himself to the Sheriff Bud and Kenya – an anonymous tip called in the body in his freezer. Sam says he’s being set up. The sheriff points out that Sam has no past on paper and that his whole life is suspicious. Andy staggers in and Kenya wants to throw him out. Andy tells Bud and Kenya about he orgy when they tried to kill Sam.

“The bull… with claws. A bull. In a dress. With claws.”

Funniest line of the night.

Andy wants Sam to back him up, but he knows they won’t believe him.

At Sookie’s house, Tara tries to comfort Eggs who is freaked out by his blackout. Maryann calls them into the dining room for a snack she has prepared for them: Hunter’s Souffle. Main ingredient? Daphne’s heart. As Tara cuts into it, blood spills all over the plate. Tara and Eggs don’t seem to notice as they dig in and moan over how good it is. Maryann watches and smiles.

Back in Dallas, at a really nice house (Godric’s?), all the vamps welcome Godric home. Godric expresses his gratitude to Jason and tells him he’s welcome in their territory any time he wants. Eric approaches Jason after and tells him that back home Jason is known as a vampire blood user and dealer. Jason swears he’s done with that. Eric says his good deeds that night will erase what he did before, but he better not get caught doing it again. Jason pisses his nut-hugger jeans and promises he won’t.

Sookie wants to know why Bill didn’t come rescue her. He says he was held against his will. Before he can go into specifics Eric walks up and Sookie blasts him for letting her walk into a trap just to save his maker. He explains that the bond between a maker and his vamp is stong. Bill doesn’t like where the convo is going.

Back in Bon Temps, Hoyt and Jessica arrive at Bill’s house. Jessica wants to have sex again, but stops when she realizes that her vampire healing abilities apply to her hymen as well. She’s a virgin all over again. She cries and runs upstairs.

Bill warns Eric to stay away from Sookie. Isabel comes in with Hugo who is all jacked up from his ass-whupping by Zeke. Godric spares Hugo’s life and tells him that he is no longer safe in their territory. Once again, Bill is about to tell Sookie about Lorena, but Jason shows up wanting to talk to Bill alone.

Sheriff Bud and Kenya put Sam in a cell. The medical examiner is also in jail with some other townfolk. He’s accused of sodomizing a tree. Damn! Maryann has some serious mojo.

Jason apologizes for the way he had regarded Bill and his relationship with Sookie. Bill accepts his apology and they share an awkward hug. Inside, Eric tends to Godric who says that he was treated kindly by the church. He points out that after thousands of years in existence, vampires have not evolved. Godric says they need to find a way to live with the humans in the church. Eric looks like he ain’t tryna hear that shit.

At Sookie’s, Eggs and Tara are full off of the heart stew. They giggle and marvel at how good they feel. They start smacking each other around and then have sex on the floor. Maryann listens and smiles in the other room.

A mystery person exits a car and makes their way into the vampire party house.

Lorena arrives at the party and zeroes in on Sookie. Bill shows up and Lorena lets it out that they spent two nights together in the hotel room. When Lorena starts to touch Bill, Sookie smacks her hand away. Sookie provokes Lorena and wont listen when Bill tells her to stop.

“Go find someone else you fucking bitch! You’ve lost this one!”

Lorena vamps out and is about to light Sookie’s ass up when Godric grips up Lorena and orders her to stop and then leave.

GODRIC IS A PARTY POOPER!!

Lorena cries as Bill escorts her out of the house. He informs her they will not be seeing each other again. I feel bad for her.

The mystery person enters the house and it’s Luke. You know, the Lukinator. Jason wants to know what he’s doing there, but he orders Jason to stay away from him. He addresses the room, introduces himself as a member of Jesus Camp, says he has a message from Steve Newlin, and then reveals the explosives and ammo chained to his chest. He goes to press the detonator.

The end.

OK, a few things.

1. Did Godric go w/ the Fellowship of the Sun willingly? Eric theorized last week that a vampire as old and strong as Godric couldn’t have been taken so easily by humans.

2. Where the hell was he? When Sookie was calling for him when they were first thrown in the basement, he didn’t answer. Granted, it was daytime. But when he showed up to rescue her from Zeke, he did so quite easily. Where was he being held that he could so easily get out and enter the cage?

3. Why did Zeke say, “Godric, it’s me,” like they were friends?

4. If Godric is so anti-violence against humans, why did he kill Zeke? Why not just knock him out so that Sookie and Eric could escape?

5. If Steve did send Luke, how the frak did they know where to find all the vamps?!!

I smell a rat.

True Blood airs Sunday night at 9pm on HBO

Ready For Fall

Kali went back to school this week. You would think that after six years, I’d be used to this southern school schedule. Growing up in NY, we got out of school in June and returned after Labor Day. Most times, by then, the weather had already begun to turn – at the very least, the mornings were cooler. Back to school shopping meant purchasing Trapper Keepers and corduroy, and backpacks and turtlenecks. Now, for Kali, we buy sandals, capris, and t-shirts. I tell ya, it feels off sending her to school in summer clothes.

As a child, going back to school triggered the feeling that fall was here. Now, it means fall is approaching. It screws with my state of mind. While everyone else is trying to soak up the last days of summer, I’m longing for fall evenings – my favorite time of year/day.

Growing up, one of my favorite things to do was peek into people’s houses. Hold on, it’s not as stalkerish as it sounds. If I were sent to the store or to take out the trash, I loved catching glimpses of what people were doing in their homes. And there was something about being privy to those snapshots on a fall evening as the sun was setting that seemed… cozy.

There were so many signs of family and home that really made me feel good – TV sets tuned in to the evening news or game shows, utensils, dishes, pots and pans colliding like a symphony signaling dinner was ready, kids finishing up their homework, bath water being drawn, and children negotiating to stay up just a little bit longer.

In the fall, when the air is brisk and the leaves are on the ground, those moments seem extra comforting. Another day is done, the family is all together, and all is right with the world. It’s the time of year/day when I feel most like a Mom.

I’m ready to check homework and use the fireplace again. I’m ready to greet Kali after school with chicken noodle soup and hot cocoa. I’m ready for Halloween costumes and feety pajamas. I’m ready to plan my Thanksgiving menu and Christmas lists. I’m ready for a new season of prime time TV and Friday Family Fun Night (for some reason this gets kicked to the curb in the summertime.)

I’m ready for my house to have those comfy sounds as the wind blows outside. Who’s with me?

First Day of School Blues

As a Mom, the first day of school blows. As I did my school shopping, and even as I hung out online, I heard many Moms say, “I’m so happy the kids are going back to school!” Not me. I like having Kali home. In fact, I love it. I know school is necessary mandatory, but I’m in no rush to get her out of the house. This time when we have control over their lives and when they actually like being in the nest goes so quickly. Why hurry it?

I’ve had to deal with several “first days.” There was the first day that I went back to work after Kali was born. She stayed with my Aunt every day. I actually appreciated this because my Aunt B. is an old school, black, southern woman. I resisted any temptation to spoil Kali rotten because I knew Aunt B. didn’t play that. She wasn’t going to hold Kali all day and carry her around. If I didn’t want my poor child miserable, I made certain to not start those habits. That only lasted a few months because I began working from home.

When Kali was 3, I went to work for a private day care center. I worked only three days a week from 8am – 1pm. Kali was able to stay in one of their toddler rooms. The first day I dropped her off, she showed her little ass. She had a fit! It was a good thing though because it prepared us for Pre-K. Even though Kali was an only child at that point who had a stay-at-home Mom and little interaction with other kids, she never had that awkward adjustment to playing well with others. She was never a stingy kid who snatched up toys from other children. I wish I could say that was due to our great parenting skills, but I don’t remember that ever being an issue or the need for extensive “sharing is caring” conversations.

It was during this time that I got my first look at what goes on behind the scenes of  a childcare environment. (Having a best friend that taught first and second grade helped too.) I knew firsthand what teachers expected from students and what type of behavior got your kid labeled, “a problem.” I was lucky that both Kali and I were eased into this first school experience with me being right down the hall. If I wanted to see how she was doing, I needed only to peek inside the classroom on my way to the ladies room or delivering a message to another classroom.

We moved to Georgia soon after that and when Kali was 4 she started Pre-K. The Pre-K program here is free – paid for by the lottery program. It was harder on me than her. This time, I wouldn’t be right down the hall and it was everyday, all day. She really thrived. It was while there that she also took ballet once a week and made her first real friends.

When it was time for kindgarten she attended a brand new school that had only been open a year. Again, I think the transition was harder for me than Kali. The whole process was different and intimidating… to me! Here in Georgia, if your child doesn’t ride the school bus, they’re a car rider. Parents drive through the parking lot that loops like a snake until they get to the “drop off zone.” Staff and older students open the back door of your car, help your child out and then he/she enters the building and either heads to the cafeteria for breakfast or straight to class. You feel like the driver dropping off young master William at school.

On the first day, I remember pulling away in tears as she headed into the building – she wore a gray and pink pleated skirt, white button down shirt, pink v-neck sweater, white socks, and black loafars. She looked so preppy and cute, but also so tiny. I remember not being comfortable with the idea that they expected her to navigate that building with its long wide hallways and hard shiny floors alone.

When it was time for the 4th grade (last year), we found ourselves once again dealing with a new environment. Another brand new school built to accomodate our ever-expanding suburbia. I was not happy about this – a new school, with new teachers, students, school bus drivers, etc. (Don’t even get me started on heart palpitations caused by the first time she rode the school bus.) Once again, I worried for nothing. Kali was not at all intimidated or overwhelmed by her new school. I suppose it helps that all the schools are pretty much cookie-cutter identical – if you’ve been in one, you’ve been in them all.

Today was Kali’s first day of fifth grade. We spent the weekend getting her clothes ready, cleaning her room (including a carpet shampooing) and making sure her school bag was ready. As the years go by, my anxiety lessens. Like all parents, I wish for her a great year filled with good friends and even better grades, but I no longer worry that she’s going to get lost on her way to the bathroom or choke to death on a tater-tot at lunch.

Of course, just as I was feeling good about my mommy-self, Donny reminded me that next year she will be going to yet another new school -  middle school.

EEK!

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