Shouting Match

“Why do people let their kids scream at the top of their lungs?”

So posed my friend Julia on Twitter last week. The debate that followed on Twitter and Facebook ended with no one really understanding why some parents allow their kids to scream like banshees in mixed company, but everyone agreeing that it was annoying as shit.

One person said, “No kid is perfect. Some kids scream, some pick their nose, some wet the bed. Most grow and learn.”

I think we need to take bed-wetting out of the discussion as  I don’t believe it’s controllable. You have to be raising a special kind of badass kid that he’d be willing to lay in his own waste to spite you. But I think the last point deserves attention. “Most grow and learn.”

But how are they learning if there’s no corrective action taken? If your attitude is, “Oh well, my kid is a screamer/nose-picker/hitter/biter,” then there is no grow and learn. Just yesterday we watched a kid of about 3 scream and yell in the grocery store. Everything was a shout. The mother didn’t once tell him to lower his voice. Other shoppers were trying to talk amongst themselves – “Honey, do we need rice?” – but they had to compete with this ill-mannered child.

Now, I’m not naive. I know all about noise pollution and what one should expect any time they leave the house. I don’t think it’s unreasonable that you teach your child that screaming in public places is not okay. Chuck-e-Cheese? Fine. The playground? Definitely. The waiting room of the doctor’s office? Not so much. The movie theater? Oh, hell no!

Whoever came up with “inside voice” and “outside voice” needs to be smacked. Why? Because sometimes it’s not okay to be loud outside either! And sometimes, your kid will be inside with outside wants! It all falls on the person in charge to teach the child when it’s appropriate to dial it back.

My nephew is a screamer and one Saturday my son got zero naps because my nephew insisted on screaming. Any attempts to ask him to lower his voice while Jack was sleeping were met with louder screaming. And we were indoors! My Dad says, “But I know he’s not doing it to be bad.”

I’m not saying that children are screaming to be bad, but when they are screaming and you ask them to lower their voice (and you know they understand) and they don’t… well, that’s kinda being bad. And no matter what the child intentions are, it doesn’t make it any less disruptive.

Jack is a screecher. Though he doesn’t yet understand, we still try to counteract that by teaching him to replace the screech for a word. That’s how he will learn not to scream for everything he wants. Hopefully.

I don’t think that parents are doing their children any favors when they allow poor social behavior to go unchecked. I’ve worked in the childcare industry, I’ve seen firsthand how the kids with behavior issues are regarded. I’m not saying the teachers are pinching their arms and spitting in their apple juice, but you don’t want your kid to be labeled, “the problem.”

I wish more parents would remove their loud children from social situations if they can’t get the behavior modified. That may mean the parent’s meal in the restaurant is interupted, or they miss a portion of the movie, but so be it. Maybe that will be more incentive to get the behavior under control at home, where it’s not an inconvenience to everyone else.

So, what do you think?

True Blood – S2E4 “Shake and Fingerpop”

Previously on True Blood: Sookie is attacked by a minotaur. Maryann lays into Tara’s mother for sucking so badly. Sookie rescues Lafayette from Eric’s basement and offers her services in trying to find out what happened to Godric. Sam prepares to leave town, but not before a late night swim with the new waitress, Daphne (who sports minotaur scars.) Sam warns Tara against Maryann. Sookie asks Tara to move in with her which doesn’t please Maryann. Jessica gets close to Hoyt. Jason makes friends and enemies at Jesus Camp.

And now…

Jason is hazed by his fellow Jesus campers. He doesn’t think it’s funny that they all pretended to be slain by a vampire. Mainly because he damn near shit himself when they did.

Bill loses his shit when he finds Jessica making out with Hoyt. He throws Hoyt out for his own protection. Jessica swears she only wanted to make out with him because she’d never kissed a boy before being turned. She’s all giggly and cute and ten times more likable than Sookie’s ditzy ass. Bill and Sookie discuss the difference between when he was made (vampires had to hide) and now (Jessica can try to walk the line between vampire world and human world.) He agrees to bring Jessica along to Dallas.

Sam swims with Daphne. Sam defends Bon Temps against Daphne’s claims that it’s just a hick town. He admits that he’d been contemplating leaving town. They make plans to go out for breakfast and he notices the scars when she gets out of the water.

Tara talks to Sookie on the phone and tells her she’ll move in. When Maryann comes in she tells her she’s leaving. Maryann is disappointed, but gives her blessing.

At Jesus Camp, Jason, Luke, and another guy discuss who the first vampire was. They toss out Cane and Lazarus, but Jason suggests Jesus. That goes over well.

Tara arrives at Sookie’s and Sookie gives her a birthday present. It’s the framed picture of them as children with Sookie’s Grandma – the one from the fireplace. What a cheap gift. Tara wants to know why they’re going to Dallas and she figures out that the vampires are using Sookie’s abilities again. Sookie defends the trip and says she’s doing it because of Lafayette. Tara admits she didn’t know that Lafayette was back and she wants to know what happened to him.

Sheriff Dearborne and Deputy Kenya are with the coroner looking at Ms. Janelle’s clawed body. He tells the cops that the claw marks had poison which paralyzed her and she would have been alive when her heart was torn out. Andy comes in and asks Kenya about the pig Tara said she saw the night she ran off the road. Kenya said there was no pig. Tara made it up. Andy says he saw the pig in a dollhouse (at Maryann’s.) The sheriff tells Andy he’s drunk and can’t be counted on. He makes him hand in his badge and gun.

Poor Andy is going to be the first one on to Maryann and no one will believe him.

Tara shows up at Lafayette’s and yells at him for not telling her what happened to him. She wants to stay with him, but he’s not in the mood for company. She pleads that it’s her birthday. He makes her leave anyway.

“If you die, I’ma be pissed.”

“That’ll make two a us.” (Not “of” but “a”) LOL

Terry and Sookie speak at Merlotte’s. He tells her about Sam leaving town. Sookie confronts Sam and he pretty much tells her he has other things on his mind than her latest drama. She wants to apologize for leading him on when she thought Bill had abandoned her, but he doesn’t want to hear that either. Then she asks for time off to go to Dallas. I can’t stand her.

Steve Newlin takes Jason out practice shooting and Jason reveals that he’s seen a vampire staked in person. Newlin nearly pops a boner.

Maryann, Eggs, and Carl surprise Tara at Sookie’s with a cake and gifts. Maryann has arranged a party for her.

At the Newlin’s, Jason has a dirty, redneck, striptease fantasy about Sarah as she prepares ribs for him and Steve. At dinner, they tell Jason they think he’s ready to be a soldier of God. They want him to be a Soldier of the Sun.

At Merlotte’s, Sam cuts off Andy (the only patron) who’s getting drunk in a booth. Arlene wants to leave early to go to Tara’s birthday party. She’s not too happy when Daphne overhears and invites herself. Tara’s mother shows up with a present for Tara. Sam sends Daphne and Arlene on so he can talk to her. He admits that he and Tara aren’t together anymore, but agrees to take the present to Tara.

The private plane carrying Sookie and Bill and Jessica (in coffins) arrives at a Dallas airport hangar. The limo driver apologizes for being late and says he was supposed to be there before sundown. Sookie explains that their flight was delayed.  As he eyes the coffins being unloaded he tries to get Sookie to get into the limo, but she refuses. Sensing something fishy, she reads his mind as he coaxes “the stupid bitch” to get into the limo. He grabs her, but Bill rushes to her rescue.

Sam arrives at Tara’s party and Maryann goads him. He tells her that she can turn him into a dog in front of everyone, but she’ll also reveal herself to be whatever the hell she is. She slinks off and he spots Daphne outside.

Tara and Eggs dance. She says she loves to dance and can’t remember the last time she did. Um, episode 2, I believe. Maryann takes the present Tara’s mother sent and tosses it into the bushes. Then she walks into the woods by the house.

Bill teaches Jessica how to glamour the limo driver inside the limo. Bill and Sookie try to figure out who would send someone to kidnap her. When Bill suggests “that church,” Sookie balks. Bill explains that churches have done worse throughout history.

At Jesus Camp, Jason goes back to his room he shares with the other guys and boasts about being chosen to be a soldier. The other guys inform him he’s not the only one chosen. When he tells them he’ll also be living with the Newlins, they tease him that he’s gonna be Sarah’s plaything. Jason tries to defend her honor before storming out.

Sookie and Bill check in to the hotel while Jessica continues to glamour the limo driver in the lobby. Jessica decides to mess with him that all his worst fears will come true unless he screams, “Becky Eubanks is a stuck up whore who let Jase finger her in the church!!”

While everyone parties inside, Maryann starts chanting in the woods. Tara and Eggs move their dirty dancing upstairs to, what I hope is, Tara’s bedroom. As they have sex, everyone at the party starts getting freaky. Andy growls out a woman walking by.

Lafayette is chilling on the couch when Eric shows up at his window. Lafayette says he won’t invite him in. Eric says he can smell that Lafayette’s wound is infected and he will let Lafayette feed on his 1,000 year old blood to heal himself. Lafayette suspects that Eric wants to keep tabs on him and wants to know why. Eric says that whatever is special to Sookie intrigues him, and Lafayette is obviously special to her.

Bill tries to undo the damage that Jessica did on the limo driver once they’re up in the hotel room. Under mind control, he admits to Bill that the Fellowship of the Sun hired him, but he doesn’t know a specific person as it was done over the phone and the money left in a locker at a greyhound station. He didn’t know who he was grabbing, just that it was a human assisting the vampires in finding Godric.

OK, let me just take this moment to say, “Hallelujah!” Finally, this Jesus Camp storyline is going somewhere other than Jason boning the wife. Now, we just need to figure out who knew about the deal Sookie made with Eric to help find Godric that would have been able to leak it back to the church.

At Lafayette’s, he feeds on Eric’s arm as Eric watches TV. Eric has to bitch slap Lafayette off because Lafayette is getting down on that arm! Bill calls Eric and tells him about the ambush. He wants to know why Eric didn’t tell him he suspected the church’s involvement and Eric is all, “I don’t have to explain anything to you.” Bill is always forgetting his place! He tells him that if he doesn’t like the hierachy, he can take it up with the queen. Vampires have queens?

Speaking of queens, Lafayette is feeling much better. He’s dancing around and dropping it like it’s hot. This amuses Eric.

Jason moves into the Newlins and asks Sarah if he’s the only one living in their house. She says that they have living quarters for the soldiers, but it only sleeps  14 and he’s number 15. She says he’s also the one they have the highest hopes for. He says he’ll try not to let them down. She prances off to her room wearing a skimpy nightgown.

Sookie and Bill are making out when Eric arrives and demands to speak with Bill in the bar. He admits to Bill that he’s so concerned about Godric’s disappearance because if someone as powerful as Godric can be taken, then none of them are safe. He says that there isn’t another vampire as powerful as Godric in The New World… and yeah, apparently vampires have kings and queens. Eric also tells Bill that he will not release Sookie from their agreement. If they can’t get Godric back, the Texas vampires might start open aggression towards humans as retribution.

In the kitchen of Sookie’s house, Sam starts to make out with Daphne. When he starts to put the breaks on, and reveal somethign to her, she whispers to him that she knows what he is. He looks shocked as she leads him outside.

As Maryann chants, and Eggs and Tara have sex, people at the party start smearing food all over themselves and getting those dark demon eyes. One girl starts eating dirt. Maryann starts digging in the dirt and her hands turn into claws.

Maryann is the minotaur!

Jessica orders a male blood prostitute. The hotel doorman that drops him off, Barry, reads Sookie’s thoughts when she wonders how old the guy is. When they realize they can read each other’s thoughts, Barry runs off and Sookie chases him.

Big Brother 11 – Technotronics

Previously on Big Brother: Laura tries to use her feminine wiles (read: big tits) to seduce Jughead a.k.a. Jessie, but he ain’t tryna hear it. The other athletes are intimidated by Lydia and want Jessie to nominate her. Ronnie approaches Jessie with a brains/athletes alliance. He likes the idea and considers using a brain as a pawn at nominations to mask the deal. Chima makes it easy for him to nominate her when she goes black girl crazy after her clique loses the food competition. Jessie also nominates Lydia

And now…

Lydia cries over her nomination and everyone consoles her. Chima notices this and whines to her fellow brains that no one is consoling her. They’re probably worried they’ll get that sticky-ass, shiny-ass, lip gloss on their clothes.

Jeff realizes he’s on the outs with his alliance because he didn’t know who was being nominated. Yeah, that ain’t good. He doesn’t help his cause by being one of the crowd comforting Lydia.

Ronnie tries to reassure Chima by sharing with her a secret. Not just any secret. A national one. “I’m the national champion in persuasive speaking.”

That’s like being the valedictorian of summer school. No one gives a shit.

Laura admits to Russell and DJ Casey that she (and everyone else) thought she was going up. She is upset that it was such a foregone conclusion. Why? She’s nice. She’s likable. Why the hell would Jesse nominate her?! Is it the boobs? That’s not fair.

Bitch, settle down. You’re not even nominated!

Russell and Jessie are in the HOH room discussing the fact that they lost Jeff. This makes me happy because Jeff is cute and nice and I’m pretty sure meathead douchery is contagious. He’s better off. They decide to scoop up Laura for her vote to replace Jeff. She is so happy someone is talking to her she readily agrees to be on their team.

Next, a montage of Braden being a complete fool. I like it, and I like him.

For the veto comp, Jessie pulls Russell’s name, Chima gets to pick and picks Natalie (dumbass), and Lydia pulls Jeff.

Ok, I just noticed that Chima’s top lip turns up soooo much, it touches her nose. I can’t stand it.

In the veto comp, the contestants have to pop fake zits and gather giant Scrabble tiles and then use the tiles to spell the biggest word.

Jesse thought he spelled CONTINUOUSLY but he missed a U.

Natalie had ten minutes to spell a word and came up with LAST.

Chima is disqualified because she tried to spell SUPERFICIALITY, but couldn’t find all the letters. They were probably hidden in her weave.

Russell spelled SHOTGUN.

Jeff tried to spell technotronics. That’s not even a word.

Lydia tried to spell CIVILIZATION, but couldn’t find all of the letters.

Russell wins. These people suck.

The athletes plus Laura assume that Jeff threw the veto comp.

Russell decides to be an asshole and pick a fight with Jeff in the backyard. He makes fun of him for trying to spell technotronics. Russell should shut up because a retarded chimp with dsylexia could spell shotgun.

After Russell scurries his weasel ass inside, Natalie decides to put her two cents in and Jeff pretty much offers a big glass of shut the fuck up. The athletes have totally made themselves a target. I despise them all…except Jeff.

Lydia tries to schmooze Russell and he tells her it was Natalie and Jessie’s idea to put her up. Uh, no. It was his. She buys it because she has no choice but to. She goes up to Jessie to talk shit about Natalie until Natalie walks in. And then it’s big-ass fake-ass lovefest.

“I’m so sorry I misunderstood you.”

“No, I’m so sorry I misunderstood you!”

I’m so sorry I’m watching this mess.

Lydia throws Braden under the bus.

Jessie, Natalie, and Russell meet in the HOH room and discuss back-dooring Braden. Russell meets with Ronnie in the storage room and Ronnie agrees that he’d vote out Braden. THEN Ronnie scampers off and tells Jeff and Jordan. They realize that Braden leaving would screw them hard sans lube, so they rush to tell Braden. Russell figures out that Braden knows because Braden is walking around all sourpuss face. He confronts Ronnie in the storage room and I swear you can pinpoint the exact moment Ronnie shit his pants.

Ronnie swears up and down he didn’t say anything to Braden and you can tell Russell doesn’t believe him. Russell takes Jessie into the storage room and tells him Ronnie needs to be watched.

At the veto ceremony, Russell uses the veto on Lydia (gotta give her props for saving her ass) and puts up Braden (nooooo) instead.

This sucks ass.

Big Brother 11 – Wedgie, Anyone?

Big Brother 11 started with it’s usual surprise delivery of the keys to the BB house. Each contestant spouts off a stale and corny introduction.

“I’m Nina and this blogger will…. um.. blog… you… out?”

After entering the house and choosing rooms (some unfortunate souls will be sleeping in a bathroom on inflatable pool beds), the 12 houseguests were informed by host Julie Chen that their worst nightmares were coming true. They’re going back to high school! The 12 were broken up into 4 cliques: Brains, Athletes, Popular, and Offbeat.

Chima (Brains) – everything about Chima is exaggerated: her hair, her eyebrows, her forehead, her mouth, her teeth, her smile, her eyes and her fake-ass personality. Also, that weave needs to be about 4 inches lower on her forehead.

Oh, and by the way, she’s about to turn 33.

Ronnie (Brains) – If his online bio didn’t say he was married, I would swear picking up his controller is the only action this gamer’s “Wii” gets. His reaction to getting into the BB house was faker than Chima’s hair.

Michele (Brains) – is a neuroscientist but no one in the house knows it. She’s as bland as oatmeal without the milk, butter, and sugar. You know, the good stuff. She claims to be able to spot a lie a mile away. I hope for her sake it’s true because she’s the kind of player that this game usually chews up and spits out, and then chews it up again before pooping it out in the backyard.

Russell (Athletes) – is a douchebag. Anyone that has their friends refer to them as “Russell the Lovemuscle” is a douchebag of the highest order.

Natalie (Athletes) – This girl put the lie in Natalie. She said she’s 18.

Jeff (Athletes) – I suspect Jeff will leave the game early due to testicular strain. All the girls are swinging from his nuts.

Jordan (Popular) – She’s blonde.

Braden – He’s a douchebag

Laura (Popular) – She has the biggest, fakest, tits in reality TV history. Also, what up with having to have a horse-faced chick every season?

If I were playing this season, I’m sure I’d be in either the Brains or the Popular group… but I’d want to be in this next group because everyone knows the true cool kids are the offbeat outcasts.

Lydia (Offbeat) – She’s covered in tats, she’s funny, and she seems really nice. I like her.

Kevin (Offbeat) – My friend Richard asked, “Why does every gay guy on reality TV have to be soooo gay?” I love Kevin! My man walked into the house rocking turquoise pants, and a hot pink and purple striped shirt. He totally called that Natalie was full of it, saying in the diary room, “Honey, you’re 25!” And he understandably cringed when he learned that the show would be time traveling to high school. I don’t think he has to worry. I bet the populars and athletes go after each other first.

Casey (Offbeat) – Offbeat Casey reminds me of deadbeat DJ Spermdonor. Seriously. They act alike and look alike and Casey is also a DJ. Unlike DJSD though, he has a real job during the day and seems to take care of his kids.

Julie informed the houseguests that though they are in cliques, they will be nominated as individuals and evicted as such. BUT, if a member of your clique wins HOH, you and your other cliquemate are safe from nomination that week. They take part in the first HOH competition where they hang from a beam suspended by giant underwear that are pulled up the crack of their asses. They have to hang on to a toilet seat for as long as they can. The last person hanging wins for their clique, but they are not HOH.

One of four previous BB players from seasons past (one representing each clique) will return to the game depending on which team wins the challenge. That player will be HOH. At the end of it all, the athletes win. I call bullshit – a clearly athletic first competition that kind ensures that the mega douchebag below (Jessie from BB10) will return to the game and amp up the drama.

Not only is he hard to look at (those muscles are just too big and not hot), but I’m pretty sure he’s a functioning ree-ree.

So, who will Jessie nominate? Is it smarter to nominate two from one clique to minimize the number of people you piss off?

I predict that Jessie and Russell will either band together to form one giant bag of douche OR they will hate each other on sight. I’m hoping for the latter.

P.S. I’m going to try and avoid spoilers and BB After Dark on Sho2 for as long as I can.

So You Think You Can Dance – Week 5

The top six couples each perform two dances.

First up? Melissa and Ade make me dizzy with a disco routine. Lots of good stuff in it. Melissa’s body is amazing. Also, nice recovery when she falls on her booty at the end.

Kupono and Kayla take on a Mia Michaels’ piece about addiction. I thought it was beautiful though I’m STILL not getting the Kayla fascination.

Jason and Caitlin do… a foxtrot? Couldn’t find video for it. It was kinda boring.

Phillip and Jeanine do a Russian Folk Dance that looked like a really bad Epcot performance:

Randi and Evan do a Tabitha & Napoleon hip hop routine to Beyonce’s Halo.

Brandon and Janette rbing the house down with an absolutely perfect Argentine Tango… I love the tango. They were awesome.  I prefer the Bond version of Libertango, but this one will do too.

Melissa and Ade do their final dance together (the couples are broken up next week) and it’s a traditional waltz.

For Kupono and Kayla’s second piece, Nigel felt it lacked emotion…

Jason and Caitlin’s final number is a contemporary piece that left me underwhelmed.

Phillip and Jeanine do a jive… Phillip needs to go home.

Randi and Evan tackle a samba… they were kinda hard on Evan. But I’m pulling for them. I really am.

Brandon and Jeanette perform a jazz routine by Wade Robson… they were the couple of the night.

So, who’s going home? I think Phillip and maybe… Caitlin?

Last Word on M.J.

I wasn’t going to respond. I really wasn’t. But I just can’t let ignorance pass unanswered. It’s not in my D.N.A to do so (read: I have a big mouth.)

So, on Twitter and Facebook I’ve seen a bunch of tweets and status updates questioning the media coverage of Michael Jackson’s death. I’ve seen some interesting and responsible questions – Jessica Gottlieb, a Los Angelian (is that even a word?) asks, “Who’s going to pay for the police overtime incurred due to his memorial?” Fair question from a citizen of a state that is in dire straits. I can even get behind my friend Kriss’ questioning of people’s fascination with celebrities after death.

But what I can’t get behind are people suddenly questioning the media coverage like they just got here yesterday. Are you new? Did you suddenly think the media was going to change? Between his death and yesterday did broadcast news stop being a business and I somehow missed it while playing Animal Crossing?

As a journalism student I can tell you that news is decided on whether or not it falls into one of three categories: relevance, usefulness, and impact. The problem is, what is relevant to you, what is useful for you, what impacts you, may not mean squat to the masses. And guess what? The news media is always, always, always, gonna go with the masses. Cause the masses mean ratings and ratings mean money. And if 30 million people would tune in to watch something about the six soldiers we lost in war, then all the networks would be running something on them 25/8.

If I see one more comment like, “he could grab his crotch” or “dance good” (and it’s well, by the way, dance well) I might seriously lose my shit. A friend on Twitter logged off rather than unfollow people for their ignorant MJ comments because she happened to like some of the people. Well, I have no qualms about pissing off people I like. Love, even. I do it ALL THE TIME. They’ll be just fine. So, here we go…

I really don’t want to hear from people what he did or didn’t mean in a time when there were NO black artists being played on MTV. Let me say that again. NO black artists on MTV. When I wanted to see a Michael Jackson video, or a Run D.M.C video, or a video by anyone brown, I had to keep my black ass up late on a Friday night and watch the one program on TV that showed videos by black artists. Meanwhile, my white counterparts could turn on MTV at 2 a.m., 3 p.m., or midnight and see a myriad of white artists. Back then, they would have little brown children believe we weren’t making music videos. I remember what it was like to check the back of JET magazine to see when some black people would be on TV because there were just that few of us shown.

He broke barriers. Period. May not be important to you, but it’s important to many black people. He influenced pop culture probably more than any other entertainer in our history. In a country where we exalt anyone that can dance and sing well, anyone that can throw or hit a ball far, anyone that can swim fast, anyone that is really pretty and sometimes famous just for being famous, anyone that can write or draw well, pretty much anyone more talented than we are, is it any wonder that when Michael Jackson died it would dominate the news?

Is it right? Was it too much? I think we can all agree that we wish we lived in a society where the most important things to all of us would get the most attention. Hell, I wish little black girls that go missing got HALF the national media attention that little white girls do. But it’s the world we live in. And we either acknowledge and move on or we acknowledge and do something about it. What we shouldn’t do, is post tweets and status updates with comments based on ignorance and misinformation.We should all feel free to voice our opinions, but when you pull yours out of your ass and based on nothing factual, well, expect to be called on it.

I have well over 100 channels with my cable package. I am sure most of you do too. But what I know for a fact is that his memorial wasn’t on every channel yesterday, and if you didn’t want to watch it you could find a channel that wasn’t airing it, turn to it, and shut the fuck up. It’s what I do when things I could give a crap about dominate the airwaves.

I think another reason you had people traveling from small villages in Africa to larger villages, on foot, to see his memorial and the reason it affected people all over the world, is because it was also about music. And music is the universal language (pig latin is a close second.) Everyone has had moments where they heard a song that took them back to certain moments in their lives. Whether you liked it or not, his music affected people.

I remember the smell of the Thriller album. That’s right, fuckers. I said ALBUM. Not CD. I’m old. I would play that thing till the needle broke after my parents went to bed. I knew every song and imagined they were all for me. Michael Jackson wasn’t just talented – people trying to belittle his abilities to crotch-grabbing and moonwalking, I’d love to see what you can do – but he also hit when the world was changing. Music videos would only be new once. Television channels devoted to music videos would only be new once. It was a big deal. That’s what an innovative artist does. They make themselves apart of the changing culture by showing us things we’ve never seen before and in doing so they end up shaping the culture.

And this isn’t about accusations of child molestation. People generally fall into two categories. They either believed it or they didn’t. One interesting note: I’ve heard plenty of people say that it’s suspicious that he would settle the first accusation out of court for $20 million. Well, at that time, and for Michael Jackson, $20 million wasn’t a lot of money. I have no back-up to one claim that the insurance company (not AEG) had pushed him to settle because it would have been cheaper than going to court and worst than going to court for something you didn’t do and losing. But what I find most interesting is that I’ve not heard one person ponder, “Who accepts $20 million from the man they believe molested their child?” If I truly believed someone had molested Kali or Jack, his ass would have to go under the jail… and I’m broke! Ask a woman who’s been raped if she’d want money from her rapist in lieu of him going to jail.

Again, though, that’s not what this is about. It’s about people who don’t get, but refuse to. It’s about people who don’t get it, and would rather make derisive comments. What I think people should try to remember is that in death, he was just like those six soldiers that died – someone’s parent, child, friend, sibling… and that should always be respected.

Promise You Won’t Get Mad

You want a glimpse into my life? You wanna see what I’m dealing with here on a day-to-day basis? Wanna know what it’s like to be me with these wonderful children and amazing husband? Well, I’ll tell you.

A few weeks ago, Kali and Jack were sitting on the floor right where the family room meets the kitchen when suddenly…

“Jack has a spider in his mouth!”

I rushed from the family room and Donny came from the kitchen. Even though he’d been cooking Donny wasted no time in putting his finger in Jack’s mouth and getting the spider out. I scooped Jack up and raced to the bathroom to clean out his mouth.

“Oh my God, Donny! It could have bitten him.”

“It was dead,” Kali said.

After a few moments I turned to Kali. “How did you know it was in there?”

“Well, we’d been playing and I saw the dead spider on the floor. Then I turned my head and when I turned back the spider was gone and I could see Jack had something in his mouth.”

Silence.

“Kali?”

“Yes?”

“Why didn’t you just pick up the dead spider when you saw it?”

“Ewww. ‘Cause spiders are gross.”

People, no matter how beautiful and smart your children are they are still children. And sometimes children don’t make no damn sense.

Fast forward to last night…

Donny and I are headed upstairs for the night. He’s carrying my laptop, I have a glass of juice, and my sister offers to carry Jack upstairs. We’re by the foyer entrance, near the trash can, when Kali says, “Ugh, a spider!”

She runs to the next room, grabs one of my running shoes, and comes back to kill the spider. It sticks to the bottom of my shoe and she leaves them both there on the kitchen floor.

“Now throw it away!”

“Ewww, no.”

“Kali! Just get a piece of tissue and throw it in the garbage.”

She shakes her head.

My sister sighs, hands me Jack, gets a piece of tissue and uses it to scrape the spider into the trash bag. We all, including Jack, look at Kali like, “Was that so hard?”

She simply shrugs and says, “I have arachnophobia.”

“Girl, you ain’t got no damn arachnophobia. You gonna have getmyassbeatophobia.”

***

You have to know how to work, “Promise you won’t get mad.” There’s an art to it. The key is that if you preface your bad news with it enough times, the person will have no choice but to promise just to get you to talk. And it doesn’t matter if they mean it or not. Because if they don’t, and they do get mad, you can then flip the script and get mad at them for breaking their promise! See? Win/Win.

Last night, Donny and I were on the loveseat when I suddenly remembered something from earlier in the evening.

“You’re gonna be pissed.”

“What did you do?”

“Promise you won’t get mad.”

“Nina, what did you do?”

“Promise you won’t get mad.”

“What did you do?”

“Promise first… ’cause you’re already looking kind of mad.”

He takes a deep breath and swallows.

“Fine. I promise I won’t get mad.”

“Ok, so you know how Richard and I are always talking about Jacklyning our lives?”

He looks confused, but I press on…

“In every Jacklyn Smith Lifetime movie, she’s always like, ‘La la la, life is so great!’ right before she finds out she has cancer, her teenage daughter is pregnant, and her husband faked his own death to evade the Feds.”

Donny just looks at me and in his eyes I can see the regret of not marrying that blonde he dated after high school.

“Anyway, you never wanna say how great things are because that’s a sure-fire way to Jacklyn your life and something bad will happen. So, remember how earlier my Mom went to Starbucks and asked if we wanted anything and we were all, “Shhyeah, free Starbucks, duh!?” Well, she came back just as I was upstairs thinking what a great day today had been and even though I didn’t say it, I thought it, which is really the same thing. She gave me my caramel macchiato, I took two sips and sat it on the table by the bed… and it fell off the table.”

“It fell off the table?”

“Yeah.”

“All on it’s own?”

“Pretty much. I Jacklyned it!”

“Did you clean it up?”

“See, that’s the thing….”

“Nina!”

“I grabbed the closest thing I could find…”

“Fuck.”

“… some baby wipes…”

“Fucking baby wipes.”

“… and I started to clean it up, but then something happened and I got distracted and I think I kinda left the baby wipes there.”

“Fuck.”

“You said you wouldn’t get mad!”

“I’m not mad,” he says looking really mad.

“You’re sure saying fuck a lot… like someone who’s mad.”

“You’re cleaning that carpet.”

“I know. OK.”

“Cause you were supposed to clean the carpet in here the other day and I did it.”

“I was?”

“Yes. You kept saying that we needed a carpet cleaner and that you wanted to clean the carpets. So, I bought a carpet cleaner and I ended up cleaning the carpet.”

“See, I only remember saying part of that. I remember saying that we need a carpet cleaner, but I don’t remember the rest.”

Three words: White. Boy. Crazy.

A Vote For Me Is a Vote For Babies & Puppies

I like to win things. I really, really, like to win things. However, very rarely do I win things just because. Like, if I enter a writing contest, I’ll do well. I’ve even placed among the top 40 and will see my piece published in an anthology.

Don’t believe me? Click here.

That’s me under the grand prize winner. And you can read my winning entry, here.

But I don’t want to win something because I put in an honest effort. Been there, done that. I want, like most Americans, to win something just for being lucky. That’s where you come in.

First, everyone here knows I’m the biggest Battlestar Galactica fan in the history of ever. Don’t believe me? Click here. And here. And here. Well @SyFy is giving away an honest-to-goodness Cylon Toaster and I want it. Badly. If you are on Twitter, follow @SyFy and send them a tweet telling them (in 160 characters or less) why I should win the toaster.

Let’s face it, via my blog and my Oprah-like powers of persuasion, I’ve gotten so many people to watch/rent/buy Battlestar Galactica, SyFy probably owes me some dough. But the toaster aside, and I do want the toaster, you should follow @SyFy for updates on Battlestar Galactica: The Plan, Eureka, Warehouse 13, Caprica, and all your other sci-fi faves.

Also, a friend of mine convinced me to enter my blog in the Black Weblog Awards 2009. My blog is being considered in the following categories:

Blog To Watch

Best Writing

Best Family/Parenting

Best Personal Blog

Best Microblog (if my tweets have you all atwitter)

Of course, I know of a few deserving blogs in each of those categories, but the bloggers aren’t black. I am. So, sucks to be them. Nobody told them to be white.

If you’ve been enjoying my blogs since back in the day (2006), I’d appreciate your votes. Click here to do so.

Vote away! And remember, a vote for me is a vote for babies and puppies.

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