Big Brother 11 – “Go Make Jessie a Sandwich.”

Previously on Big Brother: Ronnie got called out for being a weasel. Everyone wanted him gone. But when Jessie got HOH, he put up Jordan and Michelle. Michelle won POV and took herself off the block. Everyone outside of Jessie’s clique assumed that Ronnie would get back-doored, but Jessie put up Casey instead. Natalie and Lydia fight over Jessie. Kevin came up with the brilliant idea to save Casey so he can gun after the athletes, but like all good ideas in the Big Brother house, it was quickly discarded by the house of idiots.

And now…

Julie announces that tonight the cliques will be broken up AND a new power is unleashed on the house. Ooooh! Poor Casey sits in the nomination chair wearing the banana suit he’s been forced to wear all week. Oh, the humiliation.

Casey realizes that there was little shock or outrage at his nomination. Jeff looks really hot in glasses. (Not really relevant, but it needed to be said.) Jordan points out that the only reason Ronnie is still around is because he’s Jessie’s little bitch. Suddenly, I have a new respect for Jordan… even if she can’t tell time.

Lydia sneaks into the HOH room while Jessie is sleeping and just stares at him while he sleeps. In the diary room she confesses that she likes to watch him sleep and that she hopes he’s thinking about her.

OK, that bitch is creepy.

White girl crazy.

Jordan admits that she won’t campaign because Casey has a big mouth and will most likely sink himself. Man, how could I have misjudged her so badly?

Smarter than she looks... sometimes.

Casey tells Kevin that he’s sad that everyone is acting like Jessie’s sheep. Kevin asks if he thinks he can get enough votes to stay. Kevin doesn’t want the athletes running the show. Casey points out that Lydia loves Jessie too much to flip.

“He can be laying in bed with another bitch and she’ll make him breakfast.”

True dat.

Casey puts doubts in Russell’s head that he is the low man on the athletic totem pole. He suggests an alliance between the two of them and Jeff. Russell seems open to the possibility.

Next, we have to listen to Jeff and Jordan’s families gush over what a cute couple they make. NEXT!

Then, Julie questions the houseguests on the events of the past week. When she tries to press Natalie and Lydia on the tension between them, they pussyfoot around. Proving she’s no Jeff Probst, Julie lets it go. LAME!

When she talks to Jessie in the HOH room, he plays dumb too which isn’t really hard for him. Again, Julie lets it drop because she sucks.

Casey and Jordan each give a “please don’t evict me” speech. Jordan’s is all sugar and spice and everything nice. Casey, on the otherhand, goes out like a gangsta. He thanks BB for choosing him. He apologizes to his family.

Then he calls Ronnie a dorkopotamus and says Jessie is a self-absorbed and wears smedium clothes!! Holy shit, that was funny. He also says that Jessie has a personality and IQ of a banana. It is probably the best speech ever. Chima can’t even front cause she went on her own little tangent two weeks ago.

It’s vote time. Everyone votes to evict Casey except (surprise surprise) Russell.

As Casey leaves he tells Jessie his word ain’t shit. Jessie doesn’t respond, but Natalie starts yapping at Casey’s ankles.

“What are you his pitbull? Go make Jessie a sandwich!”

GOD! Why does he have to go? He’s awesome.

Lydia hugs Natalie and calls her, “little pitbull.” Fake-ass bitch.

Julie announces to the house that the cliques are disbanded and there’s a secret power up for grabs. America will vote who receives it. The power has to be used within the next two weeks and can only be used once. The only way to guarantee your safety is to get HOH or Veto.

The power, Julie tells America, is the Coup D’etat. The power allows you to replace one or both nominees before everyone votes.

Everyone, vote for Jeff!

The new HOH competition begins. The houseguest sit on boards suspended in the air. They are spun around and hit with a giant diploma which looks like a giant penis. The first five people to drop get to pick an envelope with a secret prize in it. One has money. The last person standing gets the new HOH!

Woohoo!