We Do It To Ourselves
June 1, 2009 by nina
Filed under Mommy Monday
Mommies, nothing sums up motherhood better than guilt. OK, well I suppose love would also do quite nicely, but for today the word is guilt. We’re often made to feel like we’re not doing something well enough, fast enough, or often enough. And usually, we are the main culprit.
Take the other night for instance. I really, really, needed to wash my ass. For reals. Donny and Jack had fallen asleep, but there was no way I could go to bed in my current state. I needed to shower. I can’t go to bed dirty. Never could. Back in my younger (sigh) partying days, no matter how tired and/or inebriated I was, I’d always have to bathe before getting in bed. I figured the next morning’s hangover would be bad enough without adding a pillowcase covered in make-up, tequila-flavored drool, and regret to the mix.
Anyway, I was in the bathroom doing my pre-shower ritual (brushing teeth, q-tip eargasm) when I thought I heard Jack crying. I opened the bathroom door and peeked into the bedroom. At the same moment, Donny woke up and immediately turned to look at Jack who was lying flat on his back in the middle of the bed. His legs were spread-eagle, his head was thrown back, and his mouth was wide open. He was knocked out.
“He’s fine,” Donny said laying his head back down.
I went back into the bathroom and began to gather up my clothes and turn off the shower I had running so the water would get super hot like I like it. Donny said he was fine. I’d seen with my own two eyes that he was fine, but in the span of five seconds I’d convinced myself that taking a much needed shower was a bad idea.
What if he did wake up and Donny didn’t hear him? What if he went looking for me and fell off the bed? What if he cracked his head open when he fell? All because Mommy couldn’t go to bed with stinky pits? Maybe I’ll just wait till tomorrow and ask my Mom to hold him for ten minutes so I can bathe. What’s a few more hours of smelling like ass? Hell, I’ll be asleep for most of them!
Then I realized what I was doing. I’d created this whole scenario in which I’d convinced myself that to take a shower would make me a bad mother. I had managed to talk myself out of doing something for me based on guilt I’d placed on myself! And imaginary guilt at that!
I decided to take a shower. A nice, hot, long shower. And while I bathed I trusted that if Jack did wake up, his Dad would be there for him… if for no other reason than to not hear my damn mouth if he wasn’t.
So my fellow Mommies, the lesson this Mommy Monday is to every now and again, let it go. Trust that our babies are fine with the other people that love them. Trust that the world will not end if we take a moment for ourselves. We have to know that it’s okay to take ten minutes to wash our asses without beating ouselves up about it. The alternative is going to bed smelling like gangbang and nobody wants that.
Nina is a 34-year-old mother, wife and writer who spends her days blogging, studying, changing diapers and watching ridiculous amounts of TV. She currently resides in Atlanta, Georgia, with her husband, two children and three TiVos.
Smelling like gangbang! Too much funny makes my face ache :)
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeAlso, apparently I'm the only one to ever tweet #blogitoutbitch
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeWhat kind of soap washes off regret?
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeI only have to think about showering and my newborn screams.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
Likeblog was great to read and funny
I guilt trip myself all the time when it comes to the kids. I remember going almost 3 weeks without washing my hair. My husband noticed (cus I kept scratching my scalp) he said it smelled like ass. I'm doing better with accepting the fact that they will be ok and to start taking time out for just me.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeI battle with Mommy guilt at least once a day. Dan doesn't seem to have this dilemna. He doesn't have any Daddy versions of Am-I-Failing-my-children? anxiety. He helps pull me out of it when it comes, sometimes just by watching him and seeing what a good dad he is, even if he gets impatient or any number of small things I fault myself for...when I see those same things in him I see that it really is okay to be human. As long as my kids know they are loved.
My dad studied with a top child psychologist when he was getting his PhD at Cornell, and he always tells me that this guy summed up what every child needs to be raised well: 1) consistency in their lives and 2) one person who loves them and believes in them
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeI feel guilty when I suggest to mom friends that they need to throw some guilt bags off the boat. It's nice to know that all moms do this.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeI have not had a deep conditioning treatment in months. I also have not used a blow dryer since this kid has been born for fear she will begin screaming bloody murder the minute I flip the thing on.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeI'm terrible with "what it" scenarios. My in-laws live next door so the kids are constantly running back and forth between our two houses. I watch them until I see them go up to the porch but then I can't see. Half the time after I go back inside I convince myself that what if someone was waiting for them on the other side of the porch and they never actually got inside? Then I have to call, "Did so-and-so get inside?"
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeAll I took from this was that you somehow smelled like 'gangbang' before that shower. If that's the case, Donny must be the exception to the rule when it comes to white boys and their ass tappin abilities.
Cuz no white boys I ever dated left me smelling like gangbang. Hell, I didn't even smell like masturbation. Usually they just left me smelling disappointed and regretful.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeI keep forgetting you're white.
You need to meet new white guys.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeKemari, Didn't you see/hear that I am only 25% white!
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeI do this all the time. Last night I was so sunburnt and tired all I wanted to do was read my book and relax on my belly since i cant lay on my back. Then I realized I hadnt checked on Jonathan before getting in bed and I have just recently started letting him sleep in his own bed... I mean he is 6months now. So there I am arguing with my self about checking on him and bringing him to bed with me. I finally got up and went the 5ft to his room and as I looked over the crib to feel that he was breathing.... he woke up and my ass felt bad so I took him to bed with me and no reading for me and I had to lay on my back cause he likes to fall asleep on my tummy. But it was totally worth the pain when I got to look into his eyes as he fell back to sleep!
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeI absolutely loved this.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeThank you!
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeEargasm... lol... God I love cleaning my ears.
My youngest is ten years old and I still to this day think I hear her when the house is silent.
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeMe too!
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeGood Morning! I really don't have anything to add to the conversation!
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
LikeHi, Cassie!!
- spam
- offensive
- disagree
- off topic
Like