True Blood – S2E3 “Scratches”

Previously on True Blood: Tara expresses doubt over her living situation at Maryann’s and Sookie asks Tara to move in. Jason fits in a little well at Jesus Camp. Pam, Eric, and Chow feast on Lafayette. Bill refuses to allow Sookie to help Eric. Sookie takes Jessica to see her family and all hell breaks loose.

And now…

Bill is driving like a vampire bat outta hell with Jessica crying in the backseat and Sookie’s dumbass riding shotgun. Sookie is apologizing saying that Jessica just wanted to see her family. Bill reminds her that Jessica is vampire and has no family. He chews her a new one and she flounces out the car like a petulant brat. It’s nighttime and they are in the middle of nowhere and vampires are real. More proof that Sookie is a moron. Jessica tells Bill that Sookie wants him to follow her, but he ain’t tryna hear that.

As expected, Sookie finds trouble in the woods. A big, horned man-animal chases her and claws at her back. She screams and Bill comes a-running. And we have credits…

(I just want to point out now that last week Sookie said she wasn’t going out with Jessica the way she was dressed, yet Sookie herself was rocking these coochie-cutters.)

Look at that girl with them Daisy Dukes on!

Bill catches up with Sookie and asks what did this to her. She says, “Bull… human…” Oh my God! Sookie was attacked by Seann William Scott!

Bill instructs Jessica to get the car and he rushes Sookie to Eric’s bar that I can never remember the name of. He orders Jessica home.

The new waitress, Daphne, at Merlotte’s is short at the end of the night and Sam tells her she’ll have to repay it. He’s kinda douchey about it. Tara puts her two cents in spouting advice that sounds like it came from Maryann. Sam doesn’t want to hear it and tells Tara he should stay away from Maryann.

Sookie is literally to’ up from the flo’ up. An old lady doc looks at the deep claw marks in Sookie’s back. She says that Sookie will die because she’s been poisoned. She compares her attack to being bitten by a Kimodo dragon, but with a more efficient toxin. Sookie starts foaming at the mouth and the doctor orders Eric and Bill out of the room.

In the back, Bill tells Eric what Sookie said and that his blood didn’t help heal Sookie. Eric quietly calls for Pam and Chow and they appear within seconds. He orders them to search the area of the attack. Pam says she’s wearing her favorite pumps and that Chow can do it. Eric says something to her in Swedish which, I believe, translates roughly to, “Bitch, what I say?” They leave. Eric asks how Jessica is doing and Bill admits she’s a pain in the ass. Sookie screams from the next room.

Bill and Eric come running and the doc has poured something on Sookie’s wounds that has caused them to foam and bubble up. Bill has to hold her down. The doc digs out gooey stuff from Sookie’s wounds.

At Jesus Camp, Jason has a dream that vampire Eddie has crawled into bed with him. He wakes up in a cold sweat, but more importantly, he’s shirtless. He immediately prays for guidance. Luke tells him to shut up.

Bill refuses Eric’s offer to let Sookie feed on him to regain her strength. Bill does it instead. Pam and Chow return. Pam’s shoes are fucked up. They tell Eric that the scent was both human and animal, but an animal they couldn’t place. Eric agrees that Pam’s pumps were great. Bill thanks Eric for his help and Eric says he’s sure he can think of a way for Sookie to repay him.

At Maryann’s, she’s getting the house ready for a party that night. Carl serves Tara coffee while Maryann rolls joints at the table. Tara asks why Sam hates Maryann so much. She tells Tara that Sam is most likely jealous because he lost Tara and she has moved on with Maryann’s help.

Terry (the other short-order cook) arrives at Merlotte’s at Sam’s request. He wants Terry to take care of the place while he goes out of town. Terry doesn’t really want to and Sam pretty says he ran through everyone else before asking him. Terry lights into Sam for cutting and running when things get tough. I like Terry! The writers need to give him more.

At Jesus Camp, Jason is in group therapy and he admits that he doesn’t have anything against vampires. He points out that a human who had a problem with vampires killed his girlfriend and grandmother. Jason has doubts about being there and leaves. Sarah follows. She admits that when vampires first came out of the closet she and her sister marched for their equal rights, but then vampires killed her sister when she got hooked on V. She convinces Jason that he belongs at Jesus Camp to help others not have to suffer like they did. They pray together.

Sookie wakes up in the bar and is greeted by Ginger. She suspects that Ginger is hiding something when she almost slips about Lafayette. Sookie reads her thoughts and knows that Lafayette is in the basement. Sookie does her usual annoying thing and calls Ginger out. She also hears that there’s a gun under the cash register. She pulls it on Ginger and orders her to the basement. She promises Lafayette she will get him out when she realizes Ginger doesn’t have the key. Lafayette is relieved to find out he’s not a vampire.

At Maryann’s party Eggs confides to Tara that Maryann encouraged his musical talents. Tara realizes she’s late for work, but doesn’t care if Sam fires her.

At Eric’s bar, Bill assures Sookie he had nothing to do with Lafayette’s kidnapping. Eric arrives and tells them about Lafayette’s arrangement with Eddie. Sookie insists that is no reason t have the brotha in the basement looking like Amistad. She slaps him. I want him to rip her neck open, but he doesn’t. She threatens to go to the police, and he fangs out on her telling her that he doesn’t respond well to threats.

"Can you please not upset the vampire that stronger than I am? Thanks."

Sam leaves Tara a voicemail saying that he’s sorry for the way he jumped at her over Maryann. He just wants her to be careful. Arlene arrives for work late. She’s covering for Sookie. It’s the least she can do since Sookie killed her homicidal fiance. Sam gets nostalgic looking at photos of his friends/coworkers on the bar.

Jessica wakes up at Bill’s house to find herself alone. She gets all dolled up and heads to Merlotte’s and meets Hoyt. As he talks, she eyes the vein in his neck. When he comments that he could stare at her smile all day long, she remembers she’s a vampire and gets all sad. He asks if she’s hungry and she tells him she’ll have a bottle of True Blood – B positive. He’s not afraid. He thinks it’s awesome. He gets her drink.

Eric tells Sookie that if she goes to Dallas to help locate Godric, he’ll let Lafayette go. Sookie says she will if he throws in $5,000 – she’s missed a lot of work and needs a new driveway. Bill ups it to $10K and he wants to go too. I don’t know why they’re wheeling and dealing! He could have Lafayette killed. Eric agrees and says that Sookie surprises him which is rare for a “breather.” She says that Eric disgusts her. He says that maybe he’ll grow on her and she says she’d prefer cancer.

He could grow on me. Shoo.

Pam brings in Lafayette. He calls her a bitch and she asks Eric if she can kick him. “You can try,” Bill says. Eric tells everyone to calm the hell down and makes Pam fetch Bill’s car.

At Maryann’s party, everyone is dancing and kissing and getting asked. Detective Andy shows up and looks around. Tara is in the hot tub with Eggs and wonders if maybe Andy shouldn’t have something better to do, like, solve a murder. That’s what I’m saying. Detective Andy sees a pig in a shed by the pool. When Maryann comes out he tells her that he’s there about the noise and wonders if she has a livestock permit for the pig. “What pig?,” she asks. The pig is gone. She convinces him to stay by offering him drinks.

At Jesus Camp, Jason is having dinner with Steve Newlin. He tells Jason how vampires killed his father, stepmother and baby brother. Sarah shows up with dessert. Steve tells Jason that Sarah must think he’s pretty special cause she doesn’t whip out her pudding for just anybody. I have a feeling Sarah wants to give Jason more than her pudding.

Jessica brings Hoyt back to Bill’s house. He thinks the house is pretty cool. He’s excited that they have a Wii. Jessica has never played one. When he tries to show her how, she kisses him, but she gets embarassed when her fangs pop out. He tells her not to be ashamed. She lunges at him.

Bill and Sookie drop Lafayette off at his house. He refuses to go to the hospital. He says he has three jobs and no health insurance. He’ll get his vet uncle to stitch up his leg tomorrow. He tells Bill to relay to Eric that he’ll remember the two weeks he was gone as a vacation. In other words, he ain’t no snitch.

On their way home, Sookie tells Bill that she used to get mad when people judged vampires for being different because it felt like they were judging her too. She’s realizing that the more she opens her mind, the more evil she sees. Bill defends Eric and points out that he saved her life. Sookie says she can still hate him.

Eric and Sookie are gonna do it. Watch.

Bill wants to glamour away all the evil Sookie has seen, but she’s glad that he can’t. She wants to know what to be afraid of. He hopes she’s not afraid of him. She says she knows there’s darkness in him, and it scares her, but she knows there’s goodness in him too. Bleh.

At Maryann’s, Tara and Eggs are getting closer in the hot tub when a topless girl offers them massages. As Eggs gets his, Tara looks around and notices people getting real freaky-deaky. What she doesn’t see is teh black eyes some of them have. She gets upset and jumps out the hot tub. Eggs chases after her, but she ain’t tryna hear it.

"I KNOW that heifer ain't topless!"

Sam is preparing to leave when his dog buddy shows up. Sam decides to have one last late night swim with him.

Bill and Sookie arrive at his house and she comments on all the pink clothes he bought for Jessica. They flirt and talk about Sookie dressing up in petticoats for him and I’m grossed out. They go inside to find Jessica and Hoyt making out. Bill tosses her across the room, and she swears she wasn’t going to bite him.

Sam’s dog refuses to get in the water, but Sam swims naked. Daphne shows up and Sam apologizes for being such a hardass. She decides to join him in the water. As she takes off her shirt, she has the same scratches on her back that Sookie had.

Ruh-roh

Next Sunday, July 5th, HBO will air the first three episodes of season 2 back-to-back. Then, on July 12th it’s back with an all new episode.