True Blood S2 E1 – “Nothing But the Blood”

Previously on True Blood: Vampire Bill moves to Bon Temps and mind-reading waitress Sookie falls for him. Women who associate with vampires begin to turn up dead and Sookie’s brother, Jason, becomes the main suspect. The killer claims the life of Sookie’s grandmother. Lafayette, the gay short order cook and sometimes vampire blood dealer, beats up three rednecks that imply that his food has AIDS in it. Later, those three rednecks firebomb a house killing three vampires. Eric, the vampire leader of the area warns the patrons of Merlotte’s that they can sense when a human has wronged their kind.

Sam, the owner of Merlotte’s where Sookie and Lafayette work, is a shapeshifting dog that becomes involved with Tara, the black bartender with the potty mouth and alcoholic mother, after Sookie ignores him for Bill. Tara, who is also Lafayette’s cousin, pays for an exorcism for her mother (who sobers up afterwards) and herself. Turns out the woman performing the exorcisms was a phony.

A mysterious woman from Sam’s past, Maryann, moves to town and befriends Tara. Bill has to turn a young girl into a vampire as penance for killing a fellow vampire to protect Sookie. Jason and his new girlfriend, Amy, kidnap one of Lafayette’s blood suppliers and kill him. Amy becomes the serial killer’s last victim. The killer is Rene, the fiance of another Merlotte’s waitress, Arlene. Lafayette goes missing.

And now…

Tara and Sookie help a drunk Detective Andy to his car. They find a dead body in the back. Tara worries that it’s Lafayette. It’s not Lafayette, but a woman whose heart was ripped out and her face is frozen in terror. The woman is Ms. Janette who performed the fake exorcisms on Tara and her mother. Tara screams her head off.

And we have credits…

The cops are on the scene and Sookie listens to everyone’s thoughts. She knows Tara is lying to the cops when she says she hasn’t seen the woman before.

The sheriff tells Andy’s drunk ass that he’s not working the case because he’s over-worked and drunk. Andy takes offensive at being called over-worked. Sookie gets Tara to admit how she knew the murdered woman. She tells her she has to tell the cops the truth.

Bill is laying down the law to the vampire he turned, Jessica. She has a curfew and she has to recycle. She takes it as a compliment when he tells her that her make-up makes her look like a hooker. Sookie calls to say she’s gonna be coming over later.

Jason reads a book by the head of the Fellowship of the Sun ministries – an anti-vampire religious group.

Tara tells the police about the exorcism and they don’t believe her. Kenya, the cop who arrested Tara for drunk driving, brings up the fact that Tara claimed to have crashed after swerving to avoid a big pig and naked woman in the road. They accuse her of having an active imagination.

So, vampires are real, but you have a hard time swallowing a naked woman in the road?

Tara’s mother arrives and doesn’t want to believe that Ms. Janette was a fraud. She says that because she is clean and sober she is proof that there was no scam.

In a damp basement four people are shackled to poles that turn a gear in the ceiling. One calls out, “bucket” and they all push their poles to turn the gear and let the man close to a bucket. He poops in it. GROSS!

Someone drags a screaming man down to the basement and shackles him to a pole and then releases another man and drags him away. The new guy is the redneck that burned his arm when he firebombed the vampires and he recognizes Lafayette! Awww, they got poor Lafayette looking like Amistad!

This is a very Kunte Kente look

Sookie arrives at Bill’s and Jessica interrupts their quiet moment. Sookie is salty because Bill failed to mention (in two weeks) that he turned a vampire for her.

Maryann arrives at the police station to pick up Tara and pretty much smacks her mother down for being a horrible mother.

Reverend Newlin debates with Nan Flanagan, the head of the American Vampire League, on TV. His father started Fellowship of the Sun. After the debate he and his wife sign copies of his father’s book. Jason is excited when Maury (the man who bailed Jason out of jail) introduces him to Newlin and his wife. They try to get him to attend a leadership conference but Jason can’t afford it. They tell him to pray on it.

Sam shows up at Maryann’s with a bag of money.  He waits while her manservant, Carl, goes to find her. Sam remembers breaking into Maryann’s house as a teenager to steal valuables and food and getting busted. Carl interrupts his daydream to tell him Maryann is still sleeping. Sam leaves with the money.

Sookie begins to pack up her grandmother’s things. The family lawyer shows up and tells her that her great-uncle Bartlett (who molested her when she was little) is dead. She immediately wonders if a vampire did it because she admitted to Bill what her uncle had done. She finds out that he left her $11,000.

At Maryann’s, Tara hangs by the pool with Eggs, the fine young black guy that lives with Maryann. They smoke pot and he tries to kiss her but then Carl shows up with fresh Egyptian towels cockblocking. Back in the house, Maryann backhands Carl telling him nobody needed any damn towels. It’s a light backhand, but Carl goes down like a bitch.

Sookie shows up at Jason’s job digging ditches and gives him the money Bartlett left her. She doesn’t want it. Jason takes this as a sign that he belongs at the Fellowship of the Sun leadership conference. Hoyt questions why he wants to join a church that teaches hate, but Jason insists they are more than that.

Cute, but not that bright

Sam remembers having sex with Maryann when he was a boy. She has some funky ability going on. Arlene begs Sam to hire another waitress since their old ones keep getting murdered.

The redneck confesses his sins to Lafayette. He thinks they should do this so that if one of them gets out, they can tell the world about the other one. He prays its him and not Lafayete. He apologizes for hassling Lafayette for being gay and admits that one time, at band camp, he let a guy blow him.

Andy is drunk at Merlotte’s calling himself conducting an investigation. Arlene gets bent out of shape when she overhears some people making fun of Rene and the fact that he was the serial killer. Jason tells Sookie that he’s going away for a week to the conference. He says he is searching for answers as to why God takes people like their grandmother and his girlfriend Amy.

Sookie says that Amy was a V (vampire blood) addict. Like that makes it okay for her to be dead? Ugh, I hate Sookie. She’s annoying.

Bill is trying to get Jessica to drink/like True Blood (synthetic blood), but she ain’t having it. She complains that Eric let her feed on a guy and Bill counters that he’s not Eric. Ain’t that the truth. Eric is sexy and exciting, while Bill is all pussy whipped over Sookie.

Bill, you are no Eric Northam

Sookie tries to apologize to Sam for blowing him off and stringing him along when she was mad at Bill. He pretty much tells her to kiss his ass.

Andy continues his drunk investigation. The sheriff shows up and takes him off the case. He tells Andy he’s embarrassing himself.

Maryann shows up at Merlotte’s after Sam has a flashback of stealing a bunch of money from her. He tries to give her the money back, but she says that’s not what she wants. Eggs is at the bar with Tara and starts kissing her. Sam and Maryann walk in. Sam don’t look too happy.

Sookie shows up at Bill’s and after getting Jessica to leave them alone, she confronts him about Uncle Bartlett. She starts to storm out when she realizes he did kill her uncle for her, but all he has to do is move all fast and tell her that he loves her and she suddenly forgets that he murdered someone. They have sex and I want to gag.

Sookie sookie now

Sookie and Bill are like Meredith and McDream on Grey’s Anatomy. BOR-ING! The supporting characters (Lafayette, Tara, Sam, Jason, etc.) are more interesting.

In the basement, redneck talks of escaping and Lafayette tells him to keep it down. Eric, the vampire leader, shows up. Turns out, they’re below the club he owns, Fangoria. When he tries to take the redneck upstairs to question him, the redneck slaps a silver cross in Eric’s face. Eric knocks him around and then bites into his side like a chicken wing. Lafayette watches at Eric rips off one of the redneck’s arms and blood splashes across Lafayette’s face.

True Blood airs Sunday nights at 9pm on HBO