True Blood S2 E1 – “Nothing But the Blood”

Previously on True Blood: Vampire Bill moves to Bon Temps and mind-reading waitress Sookie falls for him. Women who associate with vampires begin to turn up dead and Sookie’s brother, Jason, becomes the main suspect. The killer claims the life of Sookie’s grandmother. Lafayette, the gay short order cook and sometimes vampire blood dealer, beats up three rednecks that imply that his food has AIDS in it. Later, those three rednecks firebomb a house killing three vampires. Eric, the vampire leader of the area warns the patrons of Merlotte’s that they can sense when a human has wronged their kind.

Sam, the owner of Merlotte’s where Sookie and Lafayette work, is a shapeshifting dog that becomes involved with Tara, the black bartender with the potty mouth and alcoholic mother, after Sookie ignores him for Bill. Tara, who is also Lafayette’s cousin, pays for an exorcism for her mother (who sobers up afterwards) and herself. Turns out the woman performing the exorcisms was a phony.

A mysterious woman from Sam’s past, Maryann, moves to town and befriends Tara. Bill has to turn a young girl into a vampire as penance for killing a fellow vampire to protect Sookie. Jason and his new girlfriend, Amy, kidnap one of Lafayette’s blood suppliers and kill him. Amy becomes the serial killer’s last victim. The killer is Rene, the fiance of another Merlotte’s waitress, Arlene. Lafayette goes missing.

And now…

Tara and Sookie help a drunk Detective Andy to his car. They find a dead body in the back. Tara worries that it’s Lafayette. It’s not Lafayette, but a woman whose heart was ripped out and her face is frozen in terror. The woman is Ms. Janette who performed the fake exorcisms on Tara and her mother. Tara screams her head off.

And we have credits…

The cops are on the scene and Sookie listens to everyone’s thoughts. She knows Tara is lying to the cops when she says she hasn’t seen the woman before.

The sheriff tells Andy’s drunk ass that he’s not working the case because he’s over-worked and drunk. Andy takes offensive at being called over-worked. Sookie gets Tara to admit how she knew the murdered woman. She tells her she has to tell the cops the truth.

Bill is laying down the law to the vampire he turned, Jessica. She has a curfew and she has to recycle. She takes it as a compliment when he tells her that her make-up makes her look like a hooker. Sookie calls to say she’s gonna be coming over later.

Jason reads a book by the head of the Fellowship of the Sun ministries – an anti-vampire religious group.

Tara tells the police about the exorcism and they don’t believe her. Kenya, the cop who arrested Tara for drunk driving, brings up the fact that Tara claimed to have crashed after swerving to avoid a big pig and naked woman in the road. They accuse her of having an active imagination.

So, vampires are real, but you have a hard time swallowing a naked woman in the road?

Tara’s mother arrives and doesn’t want to believe that Ms. Janette was a fraud. She says that because she is clean and sober she is proof that there was no scam.

In a damp basement four people are shackled to poles that turn a gear in the ceiling. One calls out, “bucket” and they all push their poles to turn the gear and let the man close to a bucket. He poops in it. GROSS!

Someone drags a screaming man down to the basement and shackles him to a pole and then releases another man and drags him away. The new guy is the redneck that burned his arm when he firebombed the vampires and he recognizes Lafayette! Awww, they got poor Lafayette looking like Amistad!

Sookie arrives at Bill’s and Jessica interrupts their quiet moment. Sookie is salty because Bill failed to mention (in two weeks) that he turned a vampire for her.

Maryann arrives at the police station to pick up Tara and pretty much smacks her mother down for being a horrible mother.

Reverend Newlin debates with Nan Flanagan, the head of the American Vampire League, on TV. His father started Fellowship of the Sun. After the debate he and his wife sign copies of his father’s book. Jason is excited when Maury (the man who bailed Jason out of jail) introduces him to Newlin and his wife. They try to get him to attend a leadership conference but Jason can’t afford it. They tell him to pray on it.

Sam shows up at Maryann’s with a bag of money.  He waits while her manservant, Carl, goes to find her. Sam remembers breaking into Maryann’s house as a teenager to steal valuables and food and getting busted. Carl interrupts his daydream to tell him Maryann is still sleeping. Sam leaves with the money.

Sookie begins to pack up her grandmother’s things. The family lawyer shows up and tells her that her great-uncle Bartlett (who molested her when she was little) is dead. She immediately wonders if a vampire did it because she admitted to Bill what her uncle had done. She finds out that he left her $11,000.

At Maryann’s, Tara hangs by the pool with Eggs, the fine young black guy that lives with Maryann. They smoke pot and he tries to kiss her but then Carl shows up with fresh Egyptian towels cockblocking. Back in the house, Maryann backhands Carl telling him nobody needed any damn towels. It’s a light backhand, but Carl goes down like a bitch.

Sookie shows up at Jason’s job digging ditches and gives him the money Bartlett left her. She doesn’t want it. Jason takes this as a sign that he belongs at the Fellowship of the Sun leadership conference. Hoyt questions why he wants to join a church that teaches hate, but Jason insists they are more than that.

Sam remembers having sex with Maryann when he was a boy. She has some funky ability going on. Arlene begs Sam to hire another waitress since their old ones keep getting murdered.

The redneck confesses his sins to Lafayette. He thinks they should do this so that if one of them gets out, they can tell the world about the other one. He prays its him and not Lafayete. He apologizes for hassling Lafayette for being gay and admits that one time, at band camp, he let a guy blow him.

Andy is drunk at Merlotte’s calling himself conducting an investigation. Arlene gets bent out of shape when she overhears some people making fun of Rene and the fact that he was the serial killer. Jason tells Sookie that he’s going away for a week to the conference. He says he is searching for answers as to why God takes people like their grandmother and his girlfriend Amy.

Sookie says that Amy was a V (vampire blood) addict. Like that makes it okay for her to be dead? Ugh, I hate Sookie. She’s annoying.

Bill is trying to get Jessica to drink/like True Blood (synthetic blood), but she ain’t having it. She complains that Eric let her feed on a guy and Bill counters that he’s not Eric. Ain’t that the truth. Eric is sexy and exciting, while Bill is all pussy whipped over Sookie.

Sookie tries to apologize to Sam for blowing him off and stringing him along when she was mad at Bill. He pretty much tells her to kiss his ass.

Andy continues his drunk investigation. The sheriff shows up and takes him off the case. He tells Andy he’s embarrassing himself.

Maryann shows up at Merlotte’s after Sam has a flashback of stealing a bunch of money from her. He tries to give her the money back, but she says that’s not what she wants. Eggs is at the bar with Tara and starts kissing her. Sam and Maryann walk in. Sam don’t look too happy.

Sookie shows up at Bill’s and after getting Jessica to leave them alone, she confronts him about Uncle Bartlett. She starts to storm out when she realizes he did kill her uncle for her, but all he has to do is move all fast and tell her that he loves her and she suddenly forgets that he murdered someone. They have sex and I want to gag.

Sookie and Bill are like Meredith and McDream on Grey’s Anatomy. BOR-ING! The supporting characters (Lafayette, Tara, Sam, Jason, etc.) are more interesting.

In the basement, redneck talks of escaping and Lafayette tells him to keep it down. Eric, the vampire leader, shows up. Turns out, they’re below the club he owns, Fangoria. When he tries to take the redneck upstairs to question him, the redneck slaps a silver cross in Eric’s face. Eric knocks him around and then bites into his side like a chicken wing. Lafayette watches at Eric rips off one of the redneck’s arms and blood splashes across Lafayette’s face.

True Blood airs Sunday nights at 9pm on HBO

So You Think You Can Dance – Week 1.0

It’s the first night of week one and after auditions held all over the country, the top 10 girls and top 10 guys are paired for competition. First up?

1. Jeanine and Phillip perform a hip-hop number choreographed by Tabitha and Napoleon. I didn’t like it. I like my hip-hop hard and dirty and their numbers seem to incorporate a lot of popping and body-rolling that just comes off soft. The judges (Adam Shankman, Mary Murphy, and Nigel Hawthorne) love it.

2. Asuka and Vitolio - I’m rooting for them because they both seem nice. They get Tyce Diorio and  Broadway. I adore Broadway! And they get Hot Honey Rag from Chicago! My favorite musical.  Unfortunately, the performance didn’t do it for me. And it’s not their fault. The choreography was too slow for the music. The judges didn’t seem to be feeling it either. Vitolio was sweatin’ like a runaway slave.

3. Karla and Jonathan – I really like them both. She’s sexy and he’s cute. They get the Cha-Cha and tear it up. I loved it. I didn’t love the strobe lights at the beginning of the number because they damn-near gave me a migraine, but everything else was hot.

4. Randi and Evan – So far, my favorite performance of the night. They get Tyce again and perform a sexy jazz routine to James Callum’s, “I Only Have Eyes For You.” It’s beautiful. I usually don’t like body types like Randi’s, but she looked great.

5. Paris and Tony – They get Tabitha and Napoleon for more hip-hop. I like this one slightly more than I liked the first hip-hop performance. The judges are kinda meh about it as well. They’ll gonna get lots of votes though because Tony is cute.

6. Caitlin and Jason – He reminds me of Mark Consuelos. She reminds me of someone too, but I can’t place it right now. They get a Bollywood number and perform to Jai Ho. I love that song from the Slumdog Millionaire soundtrack. I really loved the performance, but I thought Jason did MUCH better than Caitlin. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him.

7. Janette and Brandon – They perform a beautiful foxtrot choreographed by one of the professionals from Dancing w/ the Stars (Louis Von something.) Janette has no formal training and is a salsa dancer from Miami. You totally couldn’t tell watching this performance. I can’t wait to see what happens when Brandon gets teamed up with Mia Michaels and her hatin’ ass. You know it’s gonna happen.

8. Ashley and Kupono are lucky as hell because they got Wade Robson and he’s one of my favorite choreographers on the show. It’s a jazz routine about a brand new crash test dummy (Ashley) fascinated by an old rebuilt crash test dummy (Kupono.) It’s quirky and weird and totally Wade. I loved it!

9. Melissa and Ade – She’s the oldest person in the competition this year at 29. I really like the two of them and their performance of a Mandy Moore contemporary piece. I don’t always “get” contemporary, but I got and loved this one. They were so in sync and beautiful. I hope they get lots of votes.

10. Kayla and Max – Tear it up doing a spicy Samba. You just have to look at it.

So, who were your favorites? Who will the bottom three be and who will go home tonight?

TV Roundup

As the spring 2009 TV season came to an end I was swamped with finals for five classes and battling a budding video game (Animal Crossing: City Folk for the Nintendo Wii) addiction. I wasn’t able to keep up with my TV viewing (gasp!) much less recap anything for the site.

Just when I was thinking that it wasn’t a big deal because no one was reading anyway, I got this e-mail from someone explaining how they were searching the internet for 24 updates because they’d missed the show due to traveling.

Brilliant…you write so well – kind of flowing, current, and annotated with your thoughts – and now I actually know what went on. You might just be a modern day (American) Samuel Pepys, but with better grammar. Good luck with that!

Of course I had to ask Kevin who Samuel Pepys was and he told me he was a British serial killer because Kevin is a fucker. Anyway, that letter and a few others reminded me that I’m awesome some people are actually reading some of the TV stuff.

Without further ado, here are my thoughts on some of this past season’s finale. We start, of course, with 24.

24

When we last saw our cooties-infected hero he was warned that if he didn’t help Soulpatch Tony escape FBI custody, Kim Bauer would be toast.  That’s right. After a kickass season, the final two hours were dedicated to yet another, “Oh, no! Kim Bauer’s in trouble storyline.” Oh, and Tony’s betrayal? Revenge for Michelle’s murder. Olivia, the president’s daughter, did get her comeuppance and Agent Walker ended the day displaying some very Bauer-like characteristics. Oh, and Kim didn’t die (we knew she wouldn’t) and after Jack was placed in a medically-induced coma, she agreed to particpate in the experimental treatment that would save Jack’s life… like we knew she would.

Grey’s Anatomy

The second best season finale this year. I’ve always thought that George an Izzy were the heart of Grey’s (I really could care less about whiny, needy, damaged Meredith an the neutured McDreamy) and this season left off with both of their lives in the balance. It would serve the show right to lose both characters. Maybe then they’d concentrate on some of their other good characters like Callie and McSteamy. And though I adore Calliope Iphiginia Torres, I wish they would have found something else for her to do instead of making her a lesbian out of the blue. Nothing against lebsians (I love lesbians!), but it was such a random plot device and it’s yet to pay off. All in all, the finale had me bawling!!

From the moment Meredith’s voiceover began (Did you say it?), I was a sobbing mess. If you can watch the next 4.5 minutes without crying, you don’t have a soul.

(That finale is still on my TiVo… don’t judge me.)

Lost – You can read my Lost finale recap here. Best finale of the season.

Rescue Me - I totally fell out of watching Rescue Me, which is surprising because I enjoy it. I may have to do a DVD catch up. Also, though the show is great, it wasn’t as fun to write about it like Lost, 24, Nip/Tuck, etc.

Survivor: Tocantins – One of the more enjoyable seasons. You had people you loved and rooted for (Taj, J.T., Stephen) and one you loved to hate (Coach McDouche.) Thank God that J.T. won. A nice guy, and hot to boot.

Desperate Housewives – This show wasted a perfectly good opportunity when they flashed forward five years. When the season began, jinxed couple Mike and Susan were split up for some mysterious reason. We later find out that they were involved in a car accident that killed a mother and young daughter. The stressful aftermath ruined their marriage. Then, Edie moves back to town with her new husband who is holding a grudge against Mike. Why? Because it was his wife and daughter that died in the crash, but only the audience knows this.

They dragged this farce out for the entire season and the payoff was blah. Although I liked the fact that Gabrielle had a ton of baby weight after popping out two kids in five years, the speed in which she dropped it all was unrealistic and a slap in the face to real moms. Also, Lynette should just fry up Tom’s ball and have them for lunch already. She’s annoying.

How did it all end? Mike marries a veiled woman and we have to wait till September to find out if it’s his ex, Susan, or his new love, Catherine. OH, and they killed Edie.

I still have to catch up on Harper’s Island, Criminal Minds, Smallville, and Supernatural.

So, what will I be watching/reviewing this summer? True Blood, Weeds, So You Think You Can Dance, and Big Brother. You can also check the new BIOB posting schedule here.

What else should I be watching this summer?

Nina’s Top Ten Summer Movies

We’re entering my favorite movie-going season. I am a fan of summer blockbusters, or at least the idea of them. Big budgets, explosions, special effects, movie stars. It’s the perfect combination for an afternoon of mindless fun with a bucket of buttery popcorn and a cup of sugary pop. Here’s what’s on my must-see list for Summer ’09.

10. Away We Go (6/11) – Maya Rudolph (Saturday Night Live) and John Krasinski (The Office) play a couple expecting their first child. They decide to travel across the U.S. in order to find a place to settle down and raise their family. Hilarity ensues.

9. Inglourious Basterds (8/21) – It’s Quenten Tarantino, Brad Pitt, that other guy from The Office and scalps! How could I not go see this?

8. Public Enemies (7/1) – Johnny Depp is John Dillinger, bank robber extraordinare and Christian Bale is the law hot on his ass. This cops and robbers tale takes place in the 1930′s and tells the true story of the events that eventually led to the creation of the FBI. Oh, and Channing Tatum is also in it. That’s three pieces of eye candy for the ladies keeping count.

7. Up (5/29) – I don’t usually see animated films in the theater. I prefer to buy them on Blu-Ray and watch them at home on Family Movie Night. But this latest from Pixar looks cute and might be worth my matinee time/money.

6. Year One (6/19) – Jack Black and Michael Cera take the buddy/road trip flick back old school-style. I laughed several times during this trailer so I’d give it a matinee shot. Also, McLovin is in it. And I loves me some McLovin.

5. Taking of Pelham 123 (6/12) – Denzel Washington plays a NYC cop on duty at the wrong time as he witnesses the hijacking of a NYC train by bad guy John Travolta. This a remake of a 1974 film by the same name and that was based on a book. I think it’s worth seeing for the main stars alone (even though Travolta inexplicably looks like Howie from the Backstreet Boys – tell me I’m wrong.) It also stars John Turturro and James Gandolfini.

4. G.I. Joe: The Rise of the Cobra (8/7) – What I love about this trailer is that when we first saw it (during the Super Bowl) we had NO IDEA what it was about. Not until the very end did we realize it was a movie based on some rather silly toys. But still, it fits the bill of the perfect summer blockbuster to a T. Therefore, I’ll be there. And I’ll even pay full price.

3. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (6/26) - Two words:

Fuck. Yeah.

2. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen – I’m not gonna front. I’ll see that shit twice. Don’t judge me.

1. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (7/15) – If Donny won’t go with me. I’ll go alone. I did it for HP and the Order of the Phoenix and I’ll do it again. There’s no shame in my game. And yes, I will cry at “that part.”

Honorable mention because it doesn’t come out till November:

The best movie I’ve seen so far this year:

Star Trek

What films are you looking forward to?

BIOBaby: Baby Fever

I gave birth last year as did two of my cousins. They are both pregnant again. My friend Alegra is pregnant. My brother-in-law is expecting a baby with his wife any day now.

Me? Not so much.

But I must say that all these budding bellies are giving me baby fever! I don’t want it! I just got over this affliction and I was miserable the whole time I had it. So, why then am I suddenly having baby blues? Because it wasn’t ALL bad.

The excitement and expectations. The planning and preparation. Nothing is sexier than watching your husband prepare the nursery for his son. The joy and beauty of creating and bringing a life into this world. Nothing beats it.

Ugh. But I’m done. Done, I say! No more babies for me. When I found out my other cousin was pregnant I asked Donny…

“You don’t want to have another baby, do you?”

“Not yet.”

Please God, tell me he said, “Not yes.”

What I need to do is keep Donny away from my cousins because the last time those two heifers got pregnant, so did I! And as much as I like/miss the planning and joy, I had to pee in the shower this morning because I wouldn’t have time to bathe and go to the bathroom like a normal person while Jack slept. That ain’t right.

So please, give me all the reasons getting pregnant again would be wrong. Bad. Disastrous, even.

The Things That Come Out of Her Mouth

At ten, Kali is already displaying some teenage smartassy ways.  Not in a disrespectul way, but a definite glimpse into what I think her young adult personality will be.

She will passive aggressively tell when you’re wearing the wrong thing.

“So Mom, you’re wearing that shirt because?”

Then she lets it dangle there until you answer or go change your shirt.

She will not use the common phrases that everyone else does.

If she didn’t hear/understand something you just said, she doesn’t respond like a normal kid.

“Kali, can you  go upstairs, look in my room on my side of the bed, and bring me my book? It ‘s on the floor under a stack of magazines.”

Then Kali will look up from her own book or video game, or whatever she was doing instead of paying attention and ask, “What now?”

What now? Not, “Huh?” Or, “What?” Or even, “What did you say?”

“What now?”

How grown is that?

Kali will make up her own words.

A few weeks ago she was on the floor playing with Jack when I told her to go take a bath. She turned to Jack and said, “OK, Jack. I gotta go clean my bootois. I’ll be back.”

“You gotta go clean your what?”

“My bootois. BOO-TWA”

“What the hell is a bootois?”

“My butt.”

“The why not say, ‘butt?’”

“Because I don’t like that word, but I like bootois.”

And wanna hear something funny? A few days ago…

“Come to Mama, Jack. Let me change your bootois.”

And Jack, at ten months old, gave me a look that clearly said, “Change my what?”

Nina’s Top Ten Questions on My Mind

1o. Why are there no black people on The Bachelor/Bachelorette? Does ABC assume that people wouldn’t tune in to see 25 black men or women vie for the attention of another? Are there not enough desperate black people trying to get famous find love to participate? VH1 seems to have no problem finding them for Flavor of Love and I Love New York.

9. What is the big deal with this Susan Boyle? So? A fat and ugly woman can sing. There are millions of those singing their fat ugly hearts out in churches across the country every Sunday.

 

8. How do you clean a dishwasher?

7. Where the hell did I put that $25 iTunes gift card?

6. Why are the best tasting foods (pizza, chocolate, burgers, fries, pie) the worst for you? Why isn’t there an all-hot wings diet?

5. Speaking of which… isn’t everything better with bacon?

4. Does my ass make these jeans look big?

3. Did the south just get together and collectively decide they were going to be sucky drivers? Is this their way of getting us Yankees to go back home?

2. Is it a blessing or a curse that the new Best Buy is literally three minutes from my house?

Which leads to…

1. Why wasn’t I born independently wealthy?

What questions are on your mind this week?

Have a Top Ten suggestion? Send it to nina@blogitoutb.com and you may see it here one week.

BIOBaby: Held Hostage

I’m not one of those Moms that never has a bad thing to say about motherhood because I think doing so somehow makes me a bad Mom. I’m all about keeping it real. And on the realness, some aspects of motherhood, like everything else in life, sucks.

So, allow me to vent a bit about an aspect of breastfeeding that is wearing on my already-frayed nerves. Oh, and before you all go getting your lactating panties in a bunch, I realize that this is probably a small problem and one of my own making. I take full responsibility, but I get to vent because it’s my website and that’s how I roll.

Laying down nursing and co-sleeping are a dream for a lazy ass like me, but there are times where I feel held hostage by the routine I’ve nurtured. Take the other morning for instance. Saturday morning I woke up bright and early, but could not leave the bed because Jack was still sleeping. I thought about having Donny come upstairs and stay with him so that I could maybe take a shower, have a cup of coffee, workout, etc., but then I heard the lawnmower start and knew that Donny was busy.

But even if he wasn’t, Donny wouldn’t have been able to offer up the boob like I could any time Jack stirred. That has become the routine. Jack sleeps through the night, but some nights he stirs and will pull at my nightshirt until I whip one out and let him suckle himself back to sleep. I cannot move until he’s done and being done isn’t always so easy to determine. Just cause he stops sucking, doesn’t mean he’s finished. If I go to remove it, he suddenly cups the boob with both hands and start sucking away like, “Where do you think you’re going?”

Usually, it’s a double-edged sword because I don’t want to lie there for an hour so being a human pacifier, but I also don’t want to do anything to wake him up because 1. he needs his sleep and 2. when he’s sleep and I finally pry myself away, I might be able to actually get shit done.

Last night we moved the pack-n-play right next to our bed and Donny lowered the mattress. We tried putting him in there, but he woke up both times and looked at us like, “Um, no. I belong up there with you two and don’t even think about tryna get busy because I don’t need any other siblings.”

Yes, Jack is a cockblocker.

He’ll be ten months old in two days and I planned on nursing for 18 months, but now I’m thinking, “hell to the naw!” Eight more months is a really long time. That’s a whole ‘nother pregnancy.

Also, I kinda want my boobs back. They’ve become family entertainment. Last night I was sitting on the couch wearing a nursing nightgown. Jack crawled up into my lap and started tugging at it. I pulled out a booby and instead of him laying my lap in the cradle position, he faced me and rested on his knees. Then, with the boob still in his mouth, he stood and plopped back down on his knees blowing air out of his mouth as he went. This resulted in a farting noise.

Donny and Kali laughed. Ever the ham, and realizing he was on to something, Jack continued to do it over and over again. They all laughed, including Jack. You ever see a baby laugh with a titty in his mouth? It’s pretty damn cute.

But that’s not the point. The point is that I’m wondering if one year might be my stopping point. I’m trying to gauge what feels right for both Jack and I. As I type this, he’s in my lap, sucking away and sleeping. It’s beautiful and makes me think that 8 months ain’t so long after all.

Now to the good stuff. Pictures and videos!

Jack ripped up my $20 game guide for Animal Crossing so I had to get another one. He’s now allowed to rip the old one to shreds if he desires. What does he do? Turns the pages like a civilized reader!

The below video is kinda dark, but I didn’t want to risk moving to turn on the light and then he’d stop “reading” the book.

“Reading” with better light

We Do It To Ourselves

Mommies, nothing sums up motherhood better than guilt. OK, well I suppose love would also do quite nicely, but for today the word is guilt. We’re often made to feel like we’re not doing something well enough, fast enough, or often enough. And usually, we are the main culprit.

Take the other night for instance. I really, really, needed to wash my ass. For reals. Donny and Jack had fallen asleep, but there was no way I could go to bed in my current state. I needed to shower. I can’t go to bed dirty. Never could. Back in my younger (sigh) partying days, no matter how tired and/or inebriated I was, I’d always have to bathe before getting in bed. I figured the next morning’s hangover would be bad enough without adding a pillowcase covered in make-up, tequila-flavored drool, and regret to the mix.

Anyway, I was in the bathroom doing my pre-shower ritual (brushing teeth, q-tip eargasm) when I thought I heard Jack crying. I opened the bathroom door and peeked into the bedroom. At the same moment, Donny woke up and immediately turned to look at Jack who was lying flat on his back in the middle of the bed. His legs were spread-eagle, his head was thrown back, and his mouth was wide open. He was knocked out.

“He’s fine,” Donny said laying his head back down.

I went back into the bathroom and began to gather up my clothes and turn off the shower I had running so the water would get super hot like I like it. Donny said he was fine. I’d seen with my own two eyes that he was fine, but in the span of five seconds I’d convinced myself that taking a much needed shower was a bad idea.

What if he did wake up and Donny didn’t hear him? What if he went looking for me and fell off the bed? What if he cracked his head open when he fell? All because Mommy couldn’t go to bed with stinky pits? Maybe I’ll just wait till tomorrow and ask my Mom to hold him for ten minutes so I can bathe. What’s a few more hours of smelling like ass? Hell, I’ll be asleep for most of them!

Then I realized what I was doing. I’d created this whole scenario in which I’d convinced myself that to take a shower would make me a bad mother. I had managed to talk myself out of doing something for me based on guilt I’d placed on myself! And imaginary guilt at that!

I decided to take a shower. A nice, hot, long shower. And while I bathed I trusted that if Jack did wake up, his Dad would be there for him… if for no other reason than to not hear my damn mouth if he wasn’t.

So my fellow Mommies, the lesson this Mommy Monday is to every now and again, let it go. Trust that our babies are fine with the other people that love them. Trust that the world will not end if we take a moment for ourselves. We have to know that it’s okay to take ten minutes to wash our asses without beating ouselves up about it. The alternative is going to bed smelling like gangbang and nobody wants that.

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