Nina’s Top Ten People That Can Kiss My Ass

May 21, 2009 by nina
Filed under Nina's Top Ten

10. My biology teacher – I would like to say that things got better from the time I posted this blog at the start of the semester. They did not. My whole semester was plagued with vague instructions, poorly designed exams, an unanswered questions.

“I’m not sure what you’re asking. Is there a question there?”

Um, bitch, those sentences that end with question marks? Yeah, those would be questions.

“I’m not inclined to open past exams.”

Well, when the syllabus says I had until the 25th to take it, yet you closed it on the 22nd, your ass better get inclined!

I hate her. I am happy to be done with her. And I better not get less than a B in both of her classes.

9. The HP laptop people – Why is it that I’ve had this laptop for a little more than a year and I’ve already had to buy THREE replacement power cords at $80 a pop?

Why can’t you make the part that plugs into the laptop sturdier? Why does one tug from my 10-month old cause it to break like a waterboarded detainee? Sure, he’s healthy, but it’s not like he’s Bam-Bam!

Donny has an ASUS laptop he has dubbed “The Beast” – I think he just likes leering at me, “You wanna play with The Beast, huh?” when I ask to use it. But anyway, why can’t you be more like them? Jack can do a full body flop on that thing and it remains intact. It’s like it’s made of adamantium.

8. The ASU students who missed their own graduation – To those students who boycotted their own college graduation because they didn’t think that Obama was accomplished enough to be the commencement speaker or receive an honorary degree, kiss my ass! He’s the president!

He was the president of the Harvard Law Review. Meanwhile your greatest achievement is playing the perfect game of beer pong and graduating from ASU. Keep your honorary degree, bitch.

7. The people of Red Robin restaurant – It’s been two weeks, people! Two whole weeks and yet I’m still thinking about that damn food. What the hell did you do to me?

The chili nachos? Delicious. Whose idea was it anyway to put those two tasty treats together? Chili.on.nachos? Sinful. Bottomless steak fries? Screw you! Bottomless fizzy drinks? You devil!

I am now adding lime and raspberry syrups to my Sprite at home.

The tower of onion rings is just wrong. I don’t even like onion rings! What are those two dipping sauces you provide? Shame and regret?

But the ultimate assault on my thighs came in the form of a burger. The Banzai burger. Made me wanna smack my Mama.

Jack will be in kindergarten before I get rid of this baby fat!

6. The boneheads at NBC and CBS – The ones that canceled Medium and The Unit. Idiots. Hey, Mr. Moonves how ’bout you concentrate on finding a human to host Big Brother and leave the real shows to people with sense. Like that genius that decided to snatch up Medium after the jackasses at NBC canceled it.

5. Keanu Reeves – The Day the Earth Stood Still is the day I wanted my damn money back. Blu-Ray ain’t cheap, you know!

4. Annoying Tweeters – First, there are the inspirational tweeters. You know those desk calendars where you rip off each day and each has some uplifting quote? Well, these tweeters will tweet like a month’s worth… by noon.

And then there are the social media experts who bombard me with annoying tweets on how to get people to follow me.

I like a mixture of self-promotion and real-life updates. Pimp your blog, pimp your friend’s blog, share something funny you found on the internet, but also tell me what you had for lunch.

Let me worry about how to get people to follow me. I’ll continue to do what I’ve always done – be awesome.

3. The fucker who gave me this cold – I worked my ass off the last two months of the semester and counted down the days until I’d be free. The day finally arrives and what happens? I catch your cooties. Don’t let me find your ass.

2. Those bitches at Red Robin – I know I said them already, but I can’t stop thinking about that damn burger!

1. All of my annoying (now-ex) classmates – Now that the semester is over I can tell all of the annoying, stupid, dumb-question-asking, no-home-training-having, immature, talking-while-the-professor-talks, asshole, jackass classmates of mine to kiss.my.ass!

Who do you want to kiss your ass? Go ahead. Vent. It feels good!