Iron Woman

My Mom has been living with us for almost three months now and I have to say, so far, its been pretty cool. Everyone is getting along, and more importantly, no one has died.

My biggest fear is that I would be expected to change the way I do things, but I’ve been pretty much left the hell alone. And that’s just the way I like it. I’m too old and stubborn to change. That doesnt mean; however, that my mother doesn’t point out certain… habits. Nothing like having a fresh pair of eyes to help you realize that you are, in fact, insane.

Take last night for instance. I bought the game Animal Crossing: Wild World for the Nintendo DS because having AC: City Folk for the Wii just wasn’t enough. Besides, I need something to keep me busy for those nights I’m held hostage as Jack’s human pacifier before he falls asleep. So, Donny and Jack had just fallen asleep when I tried to configure the DS to our wireless and it asked for the WEP code.

I had no idea what that was so I woke Donny up and asked him, “What’s our WEP code or can you tell me how to find it?” He thought for a few seconds… which stretched into a full minute. He took the DS and groggily typed in codes. All were wrong.

“You gotta go through the router on the computer in the bonus room.”

“O.K. How do I do that?”

He sighs, gets out of bed with the DS and leaves the room. I took that opportunity to run downstairs and see what Kali, Bruklyn, and my Mom were doing. It was after 11p.m., but the girls are out of school for the summer and determined to stay up to see sunrise at least once and my mother doesn’t get off Animal Crossing on the Wii in her bedroom until at least 1 a.m.

“What’s up?,” my mother asked when I entered her room.

“Nothing.”

“Donny and Jack sleeping?”

“Jack is. I woke up Donny to get this code I needed to get the DS online.”

“Nina! Why’d you wake that man up for that?”

I then gave her the honest-to-God answer that didn’t at all seem pain-in-the-assish when I did it.

“Well, he’d only been asleep for a short while when I woke him up.”

“That’s no excuse. You need your ass kicked.”

She always says that to me. She never says that about Donny. OK, once. He left Bella outside and she chewed up a bunch of cardboard boxes and she said, “Your husband needs his ass kicked.” But usually, she takes his side.

This is nothing new. She always took my brother and sisters’ sides over mine growing up. But that’s okay too because I know that deep down I’m her favorite… or it’s that belief that keeps me from developing a complex.

Having my mother around has generated many childhood memories. Just watching her with my little sister gives me wartime-like flashbacks. Sometimes, right in front of my mother, I will turn to my 12-year-old sister and ask, “She gets on your nerves, doesn’t she? It’s okay. You can tell me. I know she does. ‘Cause she got on mine.” At which point my mother will pout and feign hurt feelings. “I do not get on her nerves!!”

“Yes you do. She’s just too young and afraid to say it, but I’m grown. You’re a pain in the ass.”

Nothing triggers old-school memories though like my Mom’s big habit (read:obsession), ironing. I didn’t even know people still used irons. When she first moved in she asked where we kept our iron. It took me five minutes to realize that we owned one and another ten to remember where we kept it… and even then, Donny had to tell me. We only own one because the lady who helped us register for wedding gifts tsk-tsk’d when I tried skipping over it on the list.

My mother irons any and every thing. She will iron socks if you let her. She has an ironing board set up in her room. Once, I went in there and picked up an aerosol can from her dresser expecting to find hair spray or air freshener. It was starch!

And she’s always trying to iron my clothes. Sometimes while I’m still in them. She follows me before I leave the house. “You want me to run an iron over that shirt?”

“Not really.”

And she says “an” iron not “the” iron as if we have more than one to choose from. She’s lucky I found the one!

I pretty much leave her and her ironing habit alone. Except when it comes to jeans. I draw the line at jeans. She sends her jeans to the dry cleaners! What the shit?

One morning, she came into my bedroom and just as she opened the door I woke up. She stood in my doorway with the light from the hallway window coming in behind her. Because of that and the fact that I was still groggy, I could only make out her outline.

“You up?”

“Yeah. Where you going all dressed up?”

“What do you mean?,” she asked stepping further into the room and thus allowing me to get a better look at her. “I’m only wearing a shirt and jeans.”

And sure enough, she was. But the damn crease in her jeans was so sharp, I thought she had on dress slacks.

“Shut up and leave my jeans alone!” She huffed out the room as I rolled around on my bed in laughter.

Then, one evening I was getting ready for class and complaining that all of my jeans were dirty.

“Want to wear a pair of mine?,” she asked going into her closet and returning with a pair of jeans draped over a plastic-covered hanger.

“Ummm…”

“Girl, ain’t nothing wrong with these jeans.” She removed the plastic, unfolded the jeans from the hanger and handed them to me.

I opened them up and it was like unfolding those paper gowns at the doctor’s office. They were stiff and paper-like.

“Jesus Christ! I’m not wearing these!”

“I ask for heavy starch at the cleaners.”

“I see. Those creases could cut a throat.”

“Shut the hell up and give me my jeans!”

Pregnancy-Free Babies

I love being a Mom.

But I hate being pregnant.

I love giving birh. (Sue me.)

But I hate being pregnant.

My cousin has two little boys. One is a little younger than Kali, and the other is a little older than Jack. She’s expecting another baby this Summer.

Yesterday, I’m sure I weirded her out because I just kept staring at her belly. We both gave birth last year. And she’s going to do it again this year. I’m equal parts amazed and jealous.

I asked her yesterday, “Do you like being pregnant?” She just kinda shrugged.

Then I realized something.

She’s good at it! She’s good at being pregnant. If I were good at being pregnant, I’d be more inclined to do it again. But I’m not good at being pregnant. In fact, I fail miserably at it.

She is one of those pregnant women where everything on their body stays the same except the belly. Everything on me spreads like Miracle Whip. She gives birth and leaves the hospital in the jeans she wore in high school. I give birth and leave the hospital looking like I’m about to go into labor again. Ive never heard her complain while pregnant. I,on the other hand, complain loudly and often. Then I write blogs about it so hundreds can feel my pain. She also goes into labor, hops on the table, pops out the baby sans drugs, and then puts her feet up to watch a movie. I go into labor and I’m asking that they meet me in the parking lot with an epidural and tequila chaser.

I want another baby, I just don’t want to get pregnant to have it. I wouldn’t even mind having a baby soon. I just don’t want to get pregnant to have it.

I wish there was some way to convince my cousin to have a baby for me.

Nina’s Top Ten People That Can Kiss My Ass

10. My biology teacher – I would like to say that things got better from the time I posted this blog at the start of the semester. They did not. My whole semester was plagued with vague instructions, poorly designed exams, an unanswered questions.

“I’m not sure what you’re asking. Is there a question there?”

Um, bitch, those sentences that end with question marks? Yeah, those would be questions.

“I’m not inclined to open past exams.”

Well, when the syllabus says I had until the 25th to take it, yet you closed it on the 22nd, your ass better get inclined!

I hate her. I am happy to be done with her. And I better not get less than a B in both of her classes.

9. The HP laptop people – Why is it that I’ve had this laptop for a little more than a year and I’ve already had to buy THREE replacement power cords at $80 a pop?

Why can’t you make the part that plugs into the laptop sturdier? Why does one tug from my 10-month old cause it to break like a waterboarded detainee? Sure, he’s healthy, but it’s not like he’s Bam-Bam!

Donny has an ASUS laptop he has dubbed “The Beast” – I think he just likes leering at me, “You wanna play with The Beast, huh?” when I ask to use it. But anyway, why can’t you be more like them? Jack can do a full body flop on that thing and it remains intact. It’s like it’s made of adamantium.

8. The ASU students who missed their own graduation – To those students who boycotted their own college graduation because they didn’t think that Obama was accomplished enough to be the commencement speaker or receive an honorary degree, kiss my ass! He’s the president!

He was the president of the Harvard Law Review. Meanwhile your greatest achievement is playing the perfect game of beer pong and graduating from ASU. Keep your honorary degree, bitch.

7. The people of Red Robin restaurant – It’s been two weeks, people! Two whole weeks and yet I’m still thinking about that damn food. What the hell did you do to me?

The chili nachos? Delicious. Whose idea was it anyway to put those two tasty treats together? Chili.on.nachos? Sinful. Bottomless steak fries? Screw you! Bottomless fizzy drinks? You devil!

The tower of onion rings is just wrong. I don’t even like onion rings! What are those two dipping sauces you provide? Shame and regret?

But the ultimate assault on my thighs came in the form of a burger. The Banzai burger. Made me wanna smack my Mama.

6. The boneheads at NBC and CBS – The ones that canceled Medium and The Unit. Idiots. Hey, Mr. Moonves how ’bout you concentrate on finding a human to host Big Brother and leave the real shows to people with sense. Like that genius that decided to snatch up Medium after the jackasses at NBC canceled it.

5. Keanu Reeves – The Day the Earth Stood Still is the day I wanted my damn money back. Blu-Ray ain’t cheap, you know!

4. Annoying Tweeters – First, there are the inspirational tweeters. You know those desk calendars where you rip off each day and each has some uplifting quote? Well, these tweeters will tweet like a month’s worth… by noon.

And then there are the social media experts who bombard me with annoying tweets on how to get people to follow me.

I like a mixture of self-promotion and real-life updates. Pimp your blog, pimp your friend’s blog, share something funny you found on the internet, but also tell me what you had for lunch.

Let me worry about how to get people to follow me. I’ll continue to do what I’ve always done – be awesome.

3. The fucker who gave me this cold – I worked my ass off the last two months of the semester and counted down the days until I’d be free. The day finally arrives and what happens? I catch your cooties. Don’t let me find your ass.

2. Those bitches at Red Robin – I know I said them already, but I can’t stop thinking about that damn burger!

1. All of my annoying (now-ex) classmates – Now that the semester is over I can tell all of the annoying, stupid, dumb-question-asking, no-home-training-having, immature, talking-while-the-professor-talks, asshole, jackass classmates of mine to kiss.my.ass!

Who do you want to kiss your ass? Go ahead. Vent. It feels good!

Have a top ten suggestion? Send it to nina@blogitoutb.com and you may see it featured here one week.

BIOBaby: Getting To Know You

I really thought I was going to have a son that was exactly like his father. I thought my baby boy would be quiet and shy. Like his father. I thought my baby boy would be easy to put to sleep. Like his father was. I thought wrong.

Jack is a handful. Jack is loud. Jack requires a lot of attention. Jack doesn’t like to go to sleep. Jack is bossy. Jack is determined. Jack likes to get his way. Jack is high maintenance. If I wanted the quiet and shy baby, I should have planned to give birth in early May so that he would be a Taurus like his father. Instead, Jack was born in early August and he is a Leo. And like all the traits mentioned above, that is just.like.his.Mama.

Jack has more than earned his nickname Jack Attack.

I suspect that even when Donny is on the receiving end of a Jack Attack he is quite pleased. See, I deal with it way more than he does because I’m a stay-at-home Mom and I’m sure Donny views all of this as some sort of karmic justice. This is my comeuppance for being a demanding bitch for the past 10 years. You truly reap what you sow.

I think back to the first few weeks he was home. Jack used to look at me when I wasn’t looking. When I turned to look at him, he’d quickly shut his eyes. I likened it to a boy having a crush on a girl and thought it was cute cause I was crushing on him too. Now, I think he was scoping me out. Sizing me up. He was assessing the most efficient way to kick my ass. And he found it.

Fugyosleep

When Jack gets sleepy, he fights it. I don’t know where he gets this from because I’m lazy and according to my mother-in-law, Donny would crawl into his playpen and just go to sleep on his own.

Jack thinks he’s going to miss something. If you want him to go to sleep with no fuss, you have to catch him the first moment he displays a sign of fatigue. Anything past that and it’s almost like he gets too tired. During the day he likes my Mom to pace with him and sing. She sings gospel songs. Jack tries to sing back and ends up falling asleep. At night, we lay down and I nurse him. Some nights he goes right to sleep, but most nights he fidgets. With my boob in his mouth.

He will start out on his side, eating and facing me. Then he’ll turn on his stomach and raise up on his knees with his butt in the air. All the while with my nipple still in his mouth. When he gets tired of that, he’ll spit the nipple out and crawl over to Donny where he will beat his father about the back mercilessly. Any attempt to snatch him up and force him to lie back down is met with giggles. And he’s fucking cute so we don’t even get, I mean stay, mad.

Fugyoremotecontrols

The backs to most of our remote controls have mysteriously disappeared. I don’t know what he does with them or where they are. All I know is that we have two remotes in our bedroom; one TiVo remote and one for the TV. The back to the TV remote is missing. They both take two AA batteries, but I have only three. All I know is that I spent last night swapping one battery back and forth between the two remotes.

While Jack slept peacefully and oblivious to the annoyance he had caused. And if he was aware, I think the sleeping peacefully part meant he didn’t give a shit.

His latest thing is sticking out his tongue. He started it one day last week. He advanced within a few days to spitting. I think he likes the sound it makes and the reaction he gets; we all duck for cover.

As soon as I find my camera I’ll post new pics and videos. Until then, here are two pics my sister took with her cell phone last week.

I’m Your Mommy

Every now and again I’ll look at Jack and say, “I’m your Mommy.” It has nothing to do with teaching him to speak and everything to do with the fact that sometimes I need to say it out loud. Then it becomes real.

I am your Mommy. I am responsible for your life. Whether you live to see another day depends on me. Whether you spend your day happy and well-fed depends on me. What kind of man/woman you become depends on me. I have a huge part in shaping who you become.

I say those words and then I want to throw up. What the hell was I thinking? Those were not the thoughts going through my head when I made the decision to become a mother… twice! I was thinking of baby names and nursery colors. I was thinking of Eddie Bauer strollers and sweet baby breath.

You would think after doing it the first time I’d get it. Nope. You never get over the wonderment and fear of being someone’s parent. Ever. I think about Kali going to college and I flip out. I think about going to bed at night without one of them living under this roof and I get sweaty palms. I think about one of them driving on the freeway and I just want to bundle them up in a protective bubble and sit them on the shelf of a closet. How the hell did my parents do this? What were they thinking?

One of the great mysteries of motherhood is love. The love I feel for my children is so unconditional and so consuming I am convinced that it is completely unique and unrivaled. I know my parents love me, but there is no way they love me this much. No way. I’m not that special.

I’ve heard women who say they have no interest in becoming mother complain that they’ve been labeled “selfish” for their choice. I don’t understand that. I think being a mother is one of the most selfish things I’ve ever done. I think of all the pain, disappointment, and heartache that comes with life and how our children didn’t ask to be here. But we have them so we can experience those things we don’t remember.

If we’re lucky we’re there for a person’s first look at the ocean, the first time they see a puppy, their first steps, and we’re the recipient of their first, “I love you.” We get to be a part of something bigger.

I’m scared of death. I don’t want to die. I don’t like talking or thinking about it. I’ve always been this way. And then I go and have children which is the one thing that makes it so that you never want to leave this world. It’s a funny thing to think about death so soon after creating new life, but I wonder. I wonder if I’ll be around for them and all the things they’re gonna do.

Lately, I’ve been telling Donny, Kali, and Jack how much I love them. Straight up and at random times. Just in case that trip to class one night is my last.

When I tell him, “I’m your mommy, Jack. And I love you very much,” I know he doesn’t understand and that he won’t remember. I do it anyway.

It took me two and a half hours to post this blog. Because I am a Mommy.

Survivor: Tocantins Recap

Previously on Survivor: The tribes merge and Joe is sent home because his leg was all grody. I missed this episode because my TiVo ate it.

Previously on Survivor “The Biggest Fraud in the Game”: Coach McDouchebag tells this big ass lie about being captured in the Amazon and beaten by the indigenous people there. I want to gauge my eyes out with a pen, but I need the pen to write my biology final study notes.

Where did they find this guy?! He claims that the morning yoga/martial arts movements he does every day are passed down verbally from Tibetan monks.

There are so many alliances that I can’t keep them straight. JT is in like four of them!

Brendan is voted out. Damn it! Coach McAsshole lives to see another day.

Previously on Survivor – “It’s Funny When People Cry”: Sierra is forced to kiss Coach’s douchey ass in order to stay in the game. She’s treated like shit the whole episode, particularly by Tyson. Later, Tyson is blindsided at Tribal Council and voted out. I nearly bust a blood vessel yelling so hard. Thank God!

Previously on Survivor – “They Went Bananas”: Sierra tries to stir things up and get either Coach or Debbie voted out, but it doesn’t work. Sierra is voted out.

Previously on Survivor – “The Ultimate Sacrifice”: Taj wins a day with her husband on Exile Island and everyone else gets a family-member visit at camp. Debbie tries to make a move against Coach, but is voted out instead.

The Martyr Approach

Coach is shocked that Debbie was sent home. The group tells him that they didn’t tell him she was leaving because she tried to get him out and they didn’t want her to lie and turn Coach against them. He believes it ’cause the plan revolves around him and he believes that everything revolves around him anyway.

Coach doesn’t want to go to Exile Island because his asthma that he’s never mentioned before is acting up. Stephen thinks they should send his ass and I agree.

At the luxury challenge, they have to make their way through a maze with their ankles tied, then make a pole long enough to knock over three targets. Coach just follows J.T. ’cause he’s a loser. J.T. wins. He sends Coach to Exile Island. Coach says he’s going to not eat, drink, or sleep… just meditate. Erin calls him out for wanting to put himself in the position of having the worst Exile experience. She’s dumb for doing it, but she’s not wrong. J.T. picks Stephen to go with him on the luxury reward.

They shower and eat a lot of food during their reward.

Coach returns in time for the immunity challenge. He comes limping in with a cane. I want to beat him with it. The challenge is to hold themselves up with their arms between two walls. All mind over matter so Coach should ace it, right? It comes down to Coach and J.T. J.T. says he’d step down for a steak and beer. I could beat him with Coach’s cane too. They’re up there for 50 minutes when I notice that Coach has RINGS ON HIS TOES!

What a douchebag.

Coach drops down after letting out a primal yell. He falls to the ground in the fetal position. He says his back is all messed up. Jeff offers to have medical look at it, but he refuses.

Coach is convinced that Erin is leaving. At Tribal, he recites a poem before everyone can vote. Please God, let a swift wind come and push his scrawny ass into the tribal fire. Please!

Because God is good, Coach is not pushed into the fire, but he is sent home. Thank God for Stephen.

Finale is Sunday night. Woohoo!

Lost – Season 5 Epi. 16: “The Incident”

Previously on Lost: Faraday convinces Jack that they need to destroy the pocket of energy that causes the hatch in order to make it so that their plane never crashed. He’s going to use the hydrogen bomb to do so.

And now…

A man is using a loom and making a tapestry. Then then he goes fishing at the beach. He sits and eats his fish while watching a ship at sea. Another man joins him and they discuss the ship. The second man says that the first man brought the ship there trying to prove him wrong. He says the same thing always happens; the people come there and fight, destroy and corrupt. He says he wants to kill the first man and he will once he finds a loophole. The first man says, he’ll be right there when he does. The second man leaves and we see they were sitting under the giant statue. The first guy is Jacob.

I knew one of them was Jacob the moment they started talking. I also called it that they were near that statue which seems to look like… Anubis? I need you mythology geeks to help me out here.

From their convo I’m getting a whole “God and Satan” vibe going. Jacob called the other guy, “my friend.” Where are they and what are these rules that seem to be in place that the other would need a “loophole” to kill Jacob?

Donny thinks the ship at sea is The Black Rock. Is this how Richard came to be on the island? Wasn’t the Black Rock back in the 1800′s?

As a little girl Kate tries to steal a New Kids on the Block lunchbox from a store. A man offers to pay for it to keep her from getting in trouble. The man is Jacob.

On the submarine, Kate tells Sawyer and Juliet that Jack is going to blow up the island. Sawyer is all, “Good for him,” and refuses to help Kate stop Jack.

Sayid has read Daniel’s journal and knows how to remove the core of the bomb so that they can take it to The Swan. They have two hours. Richard isn’t pleased.

Miles’ Dad stops the drilling at The Swan, but Radzinsky’s raggedy ass resumes it. He ignores Chang’s warnings that bad shit is about to happen ’cause he’s a douchebag.

Thirty Years Later:

Richard is still young and sexy.

Ok, I’ve been away a few weeks, but remember a few epis ago when Faraday pulled the gun on Richard and Richard was like, “You don’t want to do this?” Well, am I the only one that kinda expected Richard to go full-on demon and like eat Faraday or something? No? Just me? Ok then.

On their way to Jacob, Locke and co. take a break. Ben admits to Sun that he’s never met Jacob, who is in charge of the island. Richard is amazed that Locke is alive after Ben strangled him. Locke says he’s amazed that Richard doesn’t age.

Also, Richard seems to only have that one nice shirt. BUT when Ben first met him he looked like a bush-man.

They both agree that they are the way they are because of Jacob. Locke says he wants to go to Jacob to thank him. He also says that eventually they’ll have to deal with the other plane passengers and when Richard asks what Locke means, he says, “You know what I mean.” That means death!

Meanwhile, the other plane passengers are rowing ashore with Lapidus knocked out. Jimmy Kimmel wants to know why they’re keeping him around and Elana says he may be useful. J.K. is annoyed that Lapidus didn’t know the answer to the question. Lapidus is awake and has been listening. He wants to know what’s in the cargo box they’re carrying. They show him. He’s not pleased.

As a little boy, Sawyer attends his parents’ funeral. He’s writing the letter to the man that caused their deaths when Jacob shows up and offers him a pen. A man shows up after Jacob leaves and reads the letter. He makes Sawyer promise to leave well enough alone and not finish the letter. We all know how that ends.

When the Dharma guy with the sedatives arrive, Juliet knocks him out. She tells Sawyer they can’t let the people on the island die. They hold the captain at gunpoint and they make him resurface the sub so they can get off. Then they direct him to leave as planned after disabling the radio.

Sayid removes the core from the hydrogen bomb. Richard still isn’t please, but he’s till young and sexy so I’m okay with that. Oh, he doesn’t think it’s a good idea that Eloise is involved because she’s pregnant. Richard tells Jack that years ago Locke came to him and told him that he’d be their leader. Well, Richard has left the island three times to visit Locke, but he hasn’t been impressed. Jack tells him not to give up on Locke.

Thirty Years Later:

Locke wonders why Ben didn’t tell Richard that he plans on killing Jacob. Ben admits that his dead daughter threatened to destroy him if he didn’t do whatever Locke says. This makes Locke happy because he realizes he won’t have to convince Ben to kill Jacob.

Sayid and Nadia are about to cross the street when Jacob stops Sayid and asks him for directions. Nadia is hit by a car and dies.

That was six shades of fucked up.

Sayid, Jack, Richard, and Eloise prepare to leave with the bomb. Richard knocks out Eloise and pulls a gun on Jack and Sayid. He says they can go do what they need to, but he’s not gonna let Eloise go. He refers to Eloise as their leader.

Jack and Sayid leave the underground tunnels and enter a Dharma house. They decide to wear Dharma jumpsuits and make their escape in plain sight. Ben’s father spots them and shoots Sayid. Jack goes all Jack Bauer shooting people in return. Miles, Jin, and Hurley arrive in a van and rescues them.

The sub leaves as Kate, Sawyer and Juliet paddle to shore. Juliet stares at it longingly. They come ashore and find Rose and Bernard. Bernard looks a hot ass mess. They’ve been living in the jungle for three years with Vincent. Sawyer wants to know why they didn’t speak up and Rose is like, “We were happy without all you crazy white folk.” They don’t care if Jack blows up the island, they just want to be together. Juliet looks at Sawyer and he looks at Kate.

Poor Juliet.

They head for the Dharma barracks.

I’m not happy with this tie-up (if that’s what it is) of Rose and Bernard. Not even a little bit.

Elana, Lapidus, Jimmy Kimmel and crew arrive at Jacob’s cabin. A ring of ash around the cabin has been disturbed. Elana goes inside.

The ash around the cabin reminds me of Supernatural episodes where they use salt to bind demons. Was that ash there to keep Jacob in? Out? Protect him? Or to hold someone else?

Flashback to Elana in a hospital. Her face is heavily bandaged. Jacob comes to see her. He apologizes for not coming sooner. She’s happy to see him. He says he needs her help and she agrees.

Elana didn’t seem surprised at all to see Jacob. She seemed to know who he was too. Also, notice how he touches everyone. Definitely getting a “God” vibe.

At Jacob’s cabin, Elana tells the others that Jacob isn’t there and hasn’t been for a long time. Someone else has been using it. She orders them to burn it.

Jacob is sitting on a bench outside a building when Locke comes flying out of it. Man, it sure looks like Jacob brought Locke back to life. He tells him he’s sorry this has happened to him.

From the moment they showed Jacob sitting there, I knew Locke was gonna come flying out the window. Did it look like his touch brought Locke back to life or was that just coincidence that he opened his eyes at that exact moment?

On the island, Ben admits to Locke that he was talking to an empty chair that time they went to see Jacob. Ben wants to know why he would kill Jacob. Locke tells  him that despite his island loyalty, Ben got cancer, saw his daughter murdered, and was banished. Why wouldn’t he want to kill Jacob?

Well, when you put it like that.

Sun finds Charlie’s Drive Shaft ring in Aaron’s old crib. She flashes back to her wedding day. Jacob offers his congratulations to her and Jin in flawless Korean.

Hurley is driving his ass off towards The Swan. Sayid is bleeding out. They stop when they see Sawyer, Kate and Juliet standing in the middle of the road. Sawyer wants five minutes to talk to Jack and Jack agrees.

Flashback to Jack when he cuts that girl’s spinal thingie and his Daddy is there and makes him count to five before he tries to stitch her up. Um, that’s not the version he told Kate in the very first episode. After the surgery, Jack’s candy bar gets stuck in the vending machine (a Dharma candy bar at that!) Jack is annoyed with his father for putting him in a time-out during his surgery. Jacob comes along and gets two candy bars out of the machine and offers one to Jack.

In the woods, Sawyer tells Jack that it was a year ago that his father killed his mother and then himself. He didn’t get on the sub and stop it from happening. What’s done is done. So, he wants to know what Jack screwed up so badly that he has to set off a nuke to make it right. Jack talks about destiny and Sawyer doesn’t believe in destiny. Jack says that he had Kate and lost her. Sawyer is like, “She’s right over there. Go tell her!” Jack is done. He’s going to set off the bomb.

All I know is that Kate must have some good ish to have these fools jumping through hoops and setting off nukes.

Sawyer starts to kick his ass. Jack kicks his ass back. Jack won’t stop. Juliet shows up and tells Sawyer to stop. She agrees with Jack. They have to set off the bomb. Juliet has changed her mind.

As a kid, Juliet learns her parents are getting a divorce. Her mom tells her that sometimes people who love each other aren’t meant to be together. Back on the island, she tells Sawyer that she changed her mind when she saw him look at Kate. She says that maybe they weren’t meant to be together. If they never come to the island, she nevers meets him, and then she doesn’t have to lose him.

At The Swan, Radzinsky takes a call from Phil and learns that Jack and the others have a bomb and may be headed there. He orders Phil to come there with some men and guns so they’ll be ready.

Jack is already there watching from a distance. Kate wants to know what happened to his face. Sawyer happened. Jack wants to know why she made him promise never to ask about Aaron. She said she was angry at him for making her come back. She said she came back to make it right so that Aaron can be with his mother. Jack says that nothing in his life has ever felt as right as what they’re about to do. The guys at The Swan hit something with their drill and Jack realizes that it’s about to happen. Kate, finally, has his back.

Hurley gets out of jail and shares a cab with Jacob. He’s sitting in the back of the cab with a guitar case. When Hurley assumes that Jacob is dead, Jacob tells him he isn’t. He wants to know why Hurley won’t go back to the island. Hurley says he’s cursed cause he sees dead people. Jacob tells him that seeing the people he loves might mean that he’s blessed. He tells Hurley about the flight that will lead him back to the island.

Did Hurley just offer God a Fruit Roll-up?

Back on the island, in the 70′s, Sayid ain’t looking so good. Hurley tells him that he’ll be okay once Jack changes the past/future. Sayid doesn’t think he’s gonna make and Miles agrees. Jack says he’s gonna take the bomb down to the site. Sayid has rigged the bomb to explode on impact. Jack takes off and runs into Sawyer and Juliet. He tells Sawyer, “See you in Los Angeles.”

Locke and crew have arrived at the foot of the statue and he stares at it. Richard tells Locke that if he had waited, Jacob would have come to him. Locke is tired of waiting. Locke is a bit of a douchebag. Sun asks Ben what happened to the statue and Ben says it was like that when he got there. Sun isn’t so sure. Locke takes Ben inside the tomb against Richard’s wishes. Locke wants to know if Ben is up to killing Jacob and tells him things will change once Jacob is gone. He promises. And then he hands Ben a knife.

At the van, Miles asks everyone if it hadn’t occured to any of them that Jack’s explosion might actually be the event that starts everything.

DUH!

They see Phil and his men on their way to The Swan. They realize Jack will need help. Phil’s nosy ass spots Jack and starts shooting. He shoots back. Juliet, Sawyer, Miles, and Kate arrive in the van. They start lighting shit up. Sawyer knocks out Radzinsky and takes Phil hostage. Phil makes everyone drop their guns and Jack prepares to drop the bomb. Chang tries to turn off the drill, but it won’t shut off because they’ve already hit the pocket.

Jack, Kate, Juliet, and Sawyer all share tearful looks and Jack drops the bomb. Well, he drops the hydrogen bomb in the hole… he doesn’t fart. They brace themselves and wait for the explosion. And wait. And wait. And wait. Nothing happens.

Then the electro-magnetic stuff starts happening and everything metal starts flyin down the hole. Miles’ father is injured, but Miles helps him and tells him to get far away. Radzinksy and crew try to leave, but can’t cause their damn jeep almost gets sucked down. Phil is about to shoot Sawyer, but takes a metal pipe through the chest instead. Juliet is dragged to the hole with chains. Kate stops her from going down, but can’t save her alone. Sawyer grabs Juliet’s hand, but he can’t pull her up because of the chains. Kate tries to free Juliet from the chains. Juliet realizes that they’ll probably die too if they continue to try and save her. She tells Sawyer she loves him and then lets go.

Awwww.

On the beach, thirty years later, Richard sits with Sun. Elana and crew show up asking for Ricardos. She asks Richard what lies in the shadow of the statue. He answers in latin. She shows him what’s in the cargo container. It’s Locke!

And I have goosebumps!!!

Inside the tomb, Ben admires the tapestry we saw Jacob making all those years ago. Jacob addresses Locke and says that he finally found his loophole.

Locke is the second man! Or the second man is Locke! Or posing as Locke.

Fake-Locke tells Ben to do what he told him to do. Jacob tells Ben he has a choice and he can leave them to their business. Ben wants to know why Locke. Why after 35 years and doing all that Jacob asked, why wasn’t he good enough to get an audience with Jacob? What about me?

“What about you?,” Jacob responds.

DAY-UM.

Ben stabs Jacob twice in the chest. As he spits out blood he tells Fake-Locke, “They’re coming.” Fake-Locke kicks Jacob into the fire.

Juliet wakes up at the bottom of the hole. She’s badly hurt. She takes a rock and bashes at the bomb next to her. It explodes.

And that’s it till 2010!

Ok, so my thoughts are…

1. Bad man in black has been the one in the cabin and directing Locke and the others when he appeared as Christian, Eko’s brother, Locke and Alex.

2. Are they Gods?

3. Bad man in black accussed Jacob of bringing the people on the ship to the island. Did he also bring flight 315 and Desmond and everyone else that ended up there?

4. Are the smoke monster and the bad man in black connected? I think so.

5. Why would the original, indigenous, Others become Dharma to begin with? And again, who has been funding them once Ben killed all the original DI people? Well, all except Ethan.

6. How does this explosion change what we already know? What has it erased? Has it negated what just happened in the tomb under the statue?

7. What the hell did Richard say in Latin?

8. Will we ever see Rose and Bernard again? Or Claire?

I think we’re about to enter in to some good vs. evil/Gods-type storylines. And I love it!

Nina’s Favorite Things – Animal Crossing: City Folk

Back on Myspace, every so often I’d write a blog of my favorite things of the moment. Inevitably, I’d get a handful of readers hooked on a new drink, ice cream flavor, book or TV show. I received no compensation for that only the satisfaction of knowing that I’d turned people on to some good ish.

I bring my favorite things to BIOB now because I am absolutely head over heels for Animal Crossing: City Folk for the Wii. A few weeks ago, a friend on Facebook (damn you, Vic!) mentioned it and I couldn’t resist the urge to look it up. I told myself I should wait until the semester was over (I really didn’t need anymore distractions), but then I told myself to shut the hell up and looked the game up on Best Buy’s website. It didn’t take long for me to figure out that AC: CF was my kind of game.

The premise: The game begins with you moving out on your own. You hop a bus to a town you get to name. When you get off the bus head over to the town hall and speak to Pelly, the pelican behind the desk. She’ll tell you that there are four houses available and even highlight them for you on the map.

The houses are pretty much the same – small and bare. Each only has a bed, a cardboard box, a radio, and something to provide light (usually something cheap like a candle or ratty lamp.) You want to pick a house that’s convenient to the store, town gate, or town hall. When you’re done checking out the house you want, head outside and you’ll meet Tom Nook. Tom is a raccoon and your new landlord. He also owns the town’s only store so when the matter of payment comes up, he’ll suggest you work for him at his shop to pay off some of your mortgage. He’s pretty much the town P.I.M.P.

Before you can work for Tom, he’ll ask you to go around town and introduce yourself to all of the neighbors and the mayor at Town Hall.

The currency in Animal Crossing are gold coins called bells. Your first mortgage with Tom will be almost 20,ooo bells and you’ll only earn about 4,500 bells working for him before he tells you he no longer needs you. And the work you do in the beginning are simple tasks meant for you to learn the basics of the game (how to find your neighbors on the map, how to mail a letter, and how to plant trees and flowers.) Once you’re free from work, head to the town’s gate and talk to one of the guards (the one on the right) Copper. He’ll issue you a friend code. If you know anyone else playing AC you can trade friend codes with them and then (as long as you open your gate – Copper will open when asked – and vice versa) you guys can visit each other’s towns.

Playing the game: After you’ve received your friend code it’s time to make some bells. That remaining balance isn’t going to pay itself. The quickest way to earn some money that you can use to buy tools that will earn you even more money is to shake trees of fruit and sell them to Tom. Told you, he’s a pimp.

Every town has a native fruit meaning, there’s one type of fruit that grows all around your town. For us it’s peaches. Each tree grows three pieces of fruit every few days. Shake a tree and sell the fruit to Tom. He will only pay you 100 bells per fruit for your native fruit, but if you get your hands on fruit from a friend’s town that’s exotic (any fruit not your main fruit) Tom will pay 500 bells per piece.

Sell some of your native fruit and then buy a shovel, sling shot, net, watering can and fishing pole from Tom. You can use your fishing pole to fish in your river and ocean. AC is played in real time so the date and time is always matched up to the real date and time. You can find sites on the internet (or just buy the strategy guide – I highly recommend the latter) that tell you which fish and insects are available in the current month. Sharks first appear in June, catfish in May, the Coelcanth (a $15K fish we’ve dubbed Old Dirty Bastard) only appears in the ocean between 4pm-9am and only when it’s raining, etc.

You definitely want to swap your native fruit with a friend who has an exotic fruit growing in their town that you need. Whenever you get your hands on an exotic fruit, at least in the beginning, resist the temptation to sell it for the 500 bells. Use your nifty shovel to plant it and in a few days you’ll have your own fruit. It’s great if you can find friends that each have the fruit you’ll need. We have peaches, but we planted some of KeMari’s oranges, some of Stephy’s apples and coconuts, and Misty’s cherries. Now we have our own trees growing those fruits in our town.

After you pay off your mortgage, Tom will offer to expand your first floor… and then you’ll owe him more money. This will continue until you’re living in a four-story house with a mortgage over 500K bells.

As you purchase more items (supplies, flowers, stationery, furniture, etc.) from Tom’s store he’s able to make upgrades. You start out with a simple wooden general store and he’ll eventually upgrade to a two-story department store called Nookington’s. I currently have the level two store, Nook ‘n’ Go. The better the store, the better the merchandise he’ll offer each day and the more he can sell. The bigger the store, the shorter the hours though and that kinda sucks. This morning, Tom told me he’d be closed tomorrow for renovations. On Wednesday, we should awake to a larger store.

One of my favorite things to do in Animal Crossing is decorate my house. There are dozens of furniture sets that you can collect. If you join the Happy Room Academy in town, they’ll evaluate your house each week awarding points to the house that has the most complete set of furniture and best use of feng shui. So far, both Donny and Kali have won… but I’m hot on their asses!

I used to have a kitchen…

… but I recently took all of that stuff down and replaced it with the Regal set. As you can see, I’m not done collecting all the pieces:

My basement has a Kiddie theme going, but I’m thinking of replacing it with the Cabin series:

There are many ways to collect furniture and other goodies in AC. One way is to buy from Tom’s store, another is to trade items with your friends, and you can even shoot down gift-bearing balloons with your nifty slingshot.

Anything you’ve ever possessed will remain in your catalog even after you sell it or give it away. So, if you’ve been selling all of your Classic series furniture, but later decide to decorate one of your rooms in that theme, just head over to Tom (who else?) Nook and ask to see your catalog. He’ll allow you to order the items and deliver them to your door.

Every day, two randomly chosen trees in your town will also have two items hidden in them. My daily ritual includes first shaking all the bare trees until I find the two pieces of furniture (and bells sometimes fall from trees too), then I shake the trees with peaches on them and place all the peaches at the front gate. This is so that when my friends come to visit, they know they’re welcome to take some peaches home with them. They can sell or plant them in their towns. Then, I shake the trees with my exotic fruit. Kali, Donny, and I will sell them at our store depending on who is in most dire need of bells.

There are other things to spend your bells on besides your mortgage, furniture, clothes and sending Nook’s kids to college. You can head over to the town hall whenever you want and donate bells to the town fund. Just talk to Pelly. Donating certain amounts will afford your town a new bridge, a fountain, and finally your choice of a windmill or lighthouse.

Another way to display town pride is to beautify it. You can plant flowers and if you’re lucky, they’ll crossbreed into new beautiful colors.

Each town is made up of 25 16×16 grids. The book recommends that you have between 12-15 trees and 6-10 flowers in each grid. Following that advice, Donny and I recently achieved a perfect town rating. Just ask Pelly about your town’s environment and she’ll tell you what you need to work on. Because our town is in excellent condition, we discovered a new flower, Jacob’s Ladder.

You can also help out your town by donating to its museum. When you first arrive in town the curator, Blathers, will tell you that the museum is without any exhibits. Whenever you catch an insect or fish, you want to donate one of each to the museum. Also, look out for dig spots (star-shaped marks in the ground) and you may dig up rare fossils. When you do, take them to Blathers and he’ll identify them for you. If the museum needs it, you can donate it. He doesn’t take duplicates so you can sell repeats.

Animal Crossing is a very social game. It’s important to have friends that play the game regularly. You can help each other by sharing native and exotic fruits and ordering items from each other’s catalogs. It’s also important to talk to your animal neighbors. They’ll sometimes give/sell you stuff and they love asking you to help them become more hip and trendy. You’ll often have the opportunity to teach them new catchphrases or greetings. The real fun begins when  someone in your house that also plays teaches them to say something without your knowledge. It makes for some interesting early morning conversations…

If you feel like getting out of town for a bit, hop the bus by your gate and head into the city.

There are lots of fun things to do in the city. There’s the auction house where you can display items you don’t want when you’re strapped for bells, a movie theater, the Happy Room Academy, a beauty salon, a fortune teller, and a trendy shop called Gracie Grace. I’ve only been able to afford a few shirts that cost about 5,000 bells. Furniture? No way.

Also in town, you can find Redd’s. Redd runs a little back-alley shop where he sells stuff for way more than their worth. But, he’s the only place you can find rare pieces to each of the furniture sets so you’ll eventually have to go. You can only get in by an invite from a member and it’s 3,000 bells to join.

If the city isn’t your thing, head over to a friend’s town (provided you’ve each registered each other and their gate is open.) It’s fun to check out what items their store is offering that day or maybe it’s fishing where they live and dry as a bone where you live – perfect time to take part in some friendly competition to see who’ll be the first to catch ODB.

Or, you can just use their bathroom.

There’s a keyboard on the game’s interface so you can chat with your real-life friends playing AC or you can purchase the Wii mic to communicate that way.

Sometimes your animal neighbors will decide to move on to another town, but don’t fret. You’ll get a new neighbor to replace them. We just got a new neighbor named Midge the other day. I’m mad that the game put her house plop down in the center of the path I created leading to the museum.

Not since Dorothy has a bitch so inconsiderately made an arrival.

Finally, if you have an eye for design you can make your own patterns to display on clothes, umbrellas, and your town’s flag. KeMari made the Obama symbol which proudly flies above my gate.

Oh, and if you haven’t figured it out by now, you don’t have to use the cartoonish character the game starts you with. You can choose to use your Mii. Like so…

If you get this game, and you won’t be sorry if you do, hit me up for my friend code. And then thank me by giving me fruit and furniture.

24 Day 7: 4am – 6am

Previously on 24 4am – 5am: Olivia Taylor wants to have Jonas Hodges killed so she sets it in motion. Then she backs out at the last minute, but he’s killed anyway. Ruh roh. Jack and Agent Walker close in on the patsy that Tony is going to set up for the attack scheduled for later that morning. When they arrive at the apartment, the patsy’s brother stabs the man holding him hostage and Jack rushes to save his life as he’s the only one who can tell them where Tony was headed w/ the patsy. The patsy was convinced to cooperate when Tony threatened his younger brother’s life.

And now…

The following takes place between 5am  and 6am…

Tony’s evil sidekick chick checks in with a member of the “group.” She says that the bioweapon should be deployed within the hour and about 8-10K people will be infected in a D.C. train station.

Jibraan a.k.a the patsy they’re setting up to take the fall knows that they’re going to hurt people and blame it on him, but he doesn’t know what exactly. Tony orders him to take the train to a certain stop. They’ll be monitoring him.

At the FBI offices, Chloe punks Janis by pointing out she knows how to do all kinds of shit that Janis doesn’t including act.

The guy left watching Jibraan’s little brother is willing to talk once Jack tells him they’ll let his ass bleed to death if he doesn’t. He doesn’t know where Tony is or what the target is, but he can call Tony. They listen in as he comes up with some b.s. reason to talk to Tony, but Chloe can’t get a  fix on Tony’s location.

Jibraan tries to signal for help by talking to a token clerk in the train station. When she refers him to a nearby cop, he finds that the cop is in on it. He has no choice but to get his ass on the train.

Olivia meets with the guy that helped her set up the hit on Jonas Hodges. He said that the hit man called him when the money didn’t show and he told him it was okay to go ahead with the hit. He knew Olivia was good for the money. She waited too late to grow a soul he tells her. He also tells her she needs to pay that man his money.

Kim calls her husband and tells him her flight has been delayed. Her husband wonders if that’s a sign she should stay to be with Jack. She notices someone watching her as she’s about to go through airport security.

On the train, Jibraan is being watched by the evil woman in a disguise. She sets a timer on the bioweapon canister, kicks it under a seat, and then gets off the train. Jibraan watches her walk away. She calls in to Tony that the weapon will go off when the train is stopped a certain station.

Chloe has Tony’s location and calls in to Jack. Jack rams Tony’s van and then puts him a sleeper hold when he stumbles out.

I want to learn how to put mofos in a sleeper hold!!!

Jack beats Tony’s ass in an effort to get Tony talking. It doesn’t work. With Janis’ help they figure out a way to patch into Jibraan’s earpiece. Jack tells him that his bro is safe. He talks Jibraan through finding the weapon under the seat after the train is emptied. When he finds it, it has a little over one minute before it will go off. He tells Jibraan to run it outside. He tries to, but is stopped by a cop because some guy on the train snitched that Jibraan looked suspicious. Damn, a Muslim can’t even ride the damn train sweaty without raising alarms.

Jibraan screams that he has a bomb. WHAT? This plan, amazingly, works. He runs outside just as Jack arrives to take the bomb from him. He tosses it in a sealed compartment of a truck just as it explodes.

Jack is so P.I.M.P.

Kim is still suspicious of the guy watching her. Turns out, he’s watching her for Jack.

Evil chick calls in to her boss who says that Tony needs to be eliminated now that he’s in custody. She says it’s not necessary because Tony won’t be in custody for long. They have another play.

Kim asks the wife of a couple she’s been chatting with to watch her bag while she runs to the restroom and the husband goes for coffee. The husband kills the man watching Kim in the restroom.

Aaron Pierce threatens to stop working for Olivia because she is acting all sketchy and left the White House with secret service detail. She comes up with some b.s. story and he pretends to buy it. He later calls Kanan and asks if the C.O.S’s office still has the voice-activated recording software installed in it. He says it does, but that Aaron will need his thumb print to access it. When he suspects it may have something to do with putting Olivia’s ass in trouble, Kanan says he can be at the White House within the half hour.

In the office, Olivia finally sends the payment to the hit man.

Janis wants an apology from Chloe for assuming she didn’t know her job. Chloe is all, “Yeah, you got the wrong one. I don’t do that.”

Jibraan is reunited with his brother. Awwww.

The murdering hubby at the airport returns with the coffee and signals to his wife that he killed the guy watching Kim. While Kim reads a magazine oblivious, he moves his laptop so that it’s taking a video of Kim. The evil bitch then calls Jack and links the live feed to his phone. These people have some kickass phones.

She tells Jack that if he doesn’t help Tony escape, they’ll murder Kim. She makes him put on his earpiece and leave the line open so she can listen in. Jack gets in the van with Tony, Agent Walker and some other agents. The evil lady tells him that she’ll let him know when to make a move and if any of the agents get in the way, he’ll have to kill them or Kim dies.

Tick… tock… tick… tock…

Jack gonna beat dat ass!

The real threat is over and I can’t believe we’re gonna end this great season with a Kim-Bauer’s-in-trouble-again storyline. Ugh.

Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day has never been a huge deal for me. I don’t expect lots of gifts or special treatment. I like to spend it with my husband and kids and I appreciate the opportunity to do whatever the hell I want. Well, I guess that is special treatment, huh?

And now that I think about it, it’s kinda hard for Donny to top himself in the special treatment department on Mother’s Day considering he’s a saint in Nikes the other 364 days of the year. What it boils down to is that it’s a day for Donny to do what he normally does without me being required to feel guilty about it.

I don’t care if other people acknowledge it’s Mother’s Day. Like, if you’ve never gotten me pregnant or came out of my vagina, then I don’t expect gifts or even a phone call from you. But if I gained 60lbs to bring you into this world, and I will hold my pee for an hour because to move would disrupt your breastfeeding, and I always give you the last of my food/drink when you ask, well then… yeah, a homemade card and some burnt pancakes are the least you can do.

This Mother’s Day was nice because it came on the heels of a busy few weeks. The semester is over (still have two finals to take – I’m thinking I’ll get four A’s and one B) and it was my first weekend without a ton of studying to do or papers to write. I got to chill out with my kids, play video games with my husband, and have my meals brought to me.

I did get a little mushy though – it being Jack’s first Mother’s Day and all.

“Ooh, Jack. This is our first Mother’s Day together. The first Mother’s Day with me as your Mommy. Awww” *kissy kissy smooch smooch*

Know what he did?

Crawled into my lap, and pulled at my shirt until I popped a booby out.

Yeah, homemade cards and burnt pancakes are the least they can do.

How did you spend your Mother’s Day?

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