The Amazing Race 14: “Rooting Around in People’s Mouths Could Be Unpleasant”

Previously on The Amazing Race: In Thailand the teams let elephants crouch over them because they’re crazy. The tiny stuntmen had two penalties for being sneaky and stupid. Margie fainted just to swoon in Phil’s sexy arms, and one of the redheads was a bitch. The father/son team were eliminated from the race.

And now…

Teams have to fly to Bangkok. Victor and Tammy leave first. Jaime and Cara are next. They insult cabbies. Mark and Michael are next. The sistahs leave last. Or maybe Margie and Luke are last. I forget.

Once in Bangkok, Kisha and Jen get a cab driver that has no idea where he’s going. They lose time because of it. For some reason, Mark and Michael’s cabbie has a pink steering wheel.

Roadblock! – Teams have to secure a propeller to a boat. Sounds easy, but it’s not.

Margie and Luke start first and Jamie and Cara are next. Margie does it quickly. (Maybe it is easy) She and Luke leave to navigate their boat through the Bangkok canals. Tammy and Victor and the shorty-do-wops arrive next. Kisha and Jen are nowhere to be found.

Jamie is rude to more people. When she and Cara realize that the boat ride isn’t a return one, they turn around, run to their cabbie to pay and get their bags. They take off on the boat again. The shorties leave w/o going back for their bags.

Kisha and Jen arrive and leave before Tammy and Victor. They leave their bags and shoes behind. Victor was cleared to go, but the propeller doesn’t work. They have to go back. He tightens it and they’re off again. They are smart enough to have their driver stop for their belongings first. Margie and Luke are in first place.

Jen is salty at Kisha for leaving their fanny packs, but Kisha assumes they’ll make their way back there eventually.

Detour – either search through dentures for five patients (GROSS!) or sing along in a karoake taxi and run the risk of hitting Bangkok traffic.

Margie and Luke choose the teeth. Jaime and Cara choose karoake. Kisha is walking around Bangkok barefoot. (GROSS!) Tammy and Victor choose karoake.

Margie and Luke do the nasty ass teeth mission. They stick dentures in people’s mouths and I resist the urge to vomit.

Mark and Michael argue about whether or not that they should go for their bags.

Kisha and Jen and Jaime and Cara start the karaoke task at the same time. Tammy and Victor start it too. Tammy calls their cab mates, “Mai Tai Trannies.”

Margie and Luke are going through the teeth challenge quickly. The tiny guys are still arguing even after they get a cabbie to take them back to their bags.  Margie and Luke finish and are in first place. Tammy, Victor, Jaime, Cara, Kisha, and Jen continue to rock out with the trannies’ cocks out.

Margie and Luke come in first place. Kisha and Jen cannot go to the pit stop because they don’t have their bags or money. Mark and Michael make it back to their stuff and then have to head back to the detour. Kisha and Jen convince a cabbie to take them to the pit stop for free.

Kisha and Jen are third, and Tammy and Victor are fourth. Phil won’t check the sistahs in until they go get their travel documents. Duh! They have to go back and I swear it looks like they’re about to cry.

The tiny stuntmen finally arrive at the karoake detour and have to give the cabbie crap from their bags in order to pay for the fare because they’re short…. AND they don’t have enough money. *snort*

In the cab, they comment that the girls are pretty. I don’t think they know that they’re trannies. One comments that they’re in the entertainement business so they know how to show girls a good time. LMAO!

The stuntmen arrive fourth, but can’t be checked in because they broke a rule TWICE by using their personal items to settle a bill. The total penalty time is four hours!

Kisha and Jen are fourth.

Mark and Michael are last, BUT it’s a non-elimination leg. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!

The remaining three hours for their penalty is tacked on to delay their start time AND they have to perform a Speed Bump in the next leg that no one else has to.

One remarks, “We knew we messed up, but we thought it more important to take care of the people. We didn’t want to incur bad karma in the land of Buddha.”

Phil gives him a look that says, “Nigga, please.”

BIOBaby: Bad Backseat Driver

On the way home from the hospital after she was born, Kali screamed her head off. Then she never cried in the carseat again. Jack didn’t make a peep on his way home from the hospital, and was quite a good backseat driver for awhile… and then it all changed.

Now, if the car isn’t moving, Jack has a fit. It’s almost comical. Red light? Screams. Drive two blocks and he’s fine. Hit another red light? More screams. Last Friday night Donny and I took Jack with us to go birthday shopping for Kali. We stopped at Starbucks and Jack had a fit the whole time we waited for our venti Caramel Macchiato and White Chocolate Mocha.

Then, coming home from my parents’ house on Easter Sunday Jack lost.his.mind. Donny pulled over so I could climb in the backseat, strap myself in the middle seat, and then lean over to pop a boobie in his mouth. (Jack’s, not Donny’s.) He nursed for a bit, and then was calm and smiling again. I don’t think it was about him being hungry though. I don’t know. That may be a bad example to bring up. It was dark out and Jack’s not used to be out at night so maybe he just kinda freaked out being in the backseat in the dark. (Kali putting her GameBoy Advance in his face for light didn’t help the cause either.)

So, what do we do? We can’t not take him out. Should we purposely take him for rides to get him used to it?

Here are some pictures from Easter Sunday at my parent’s house:

24 – Day 7: 1am-2am

Previously on 24: At the FBI, Jack contacts a Starkwood member, Knowles, and convinces him to help Tony locate the bio-weapons. Jack has a cooties attack. He refuses to let his daughter Kim be brought in to help heal him. Hodges kills Knowles. Hodges tells the President that he will bomb three cities if she doesn’t call off her attack on Starkwood, and he demands a sit down with her.

And now…

The following takes place between 1am and 2am:

Poor Tony is still on Starkwood’s compound. He talks to Jack who tells him that the president’s strike has been called off. They have an exit plan for him. Tony realizes that Starkwood has surface-to-surface missiles and that’s probably why the president called off the strike.

At the White House, the joint chiefs question the president’s decision to call off the air strike on Starkwood. Jack calls the president and totally calls her on her shit.

The president admits that Hodges has missiles aimed at U.S. cities. Jack tells her that she cannot negotiate with Hodges. He wants to give Tony time to place C4 charges and blow up the missiles. The president does one of those, “I’m not telling you to go in, but like, if you went in without my knowing, there’s not much I can do to you since you’re dying…” and then hangs up. “What’s that supposed to mean?,” Walker wants to know. “That means do what I do, beyotch.”

Walker calls Moss and he’s down for whatever. Finally. He’s spent all day being a pain in the ass. Jack calls Tony and tells him that he can go in, but he can’t get caught. Tony rushes two of the guys pumping the rocket fuel into the underground bunker after one leaves for another perimeter check. He leaves one guy knocked out by the tanker while he forces another one to let him into the bunker. So much for being undetected!

Hodges meets with the president in the Oval Office. He denies working with Juma. He wants in on shaping military policy. The balls on this guy! The president accuses him of blackmail. He’s unapologetic.

Tony plants the C4 charges and makes his way up top, but he’s jumped by some Starkwood goon. He drops the detonator into a grate. One guy sounds an alarm and the launch is prepped. Tony manages to blow the charges just as the missiles were going to launch. Moss and his men move in.

Goooo TONY!

The president is looking over Hodges’ demands. He wants all kinds of perks. The president receives word that Starkwood has been taken out, she orders Hodges  arrested. He swears that this doesn’t end with him. That this is just the beginning. Ruh-roh.

The president calls Jack and tells him that they arrested Hodges. She expresses gratitude for all he has done. He starts to ask for clemency for Tony, but has a cooties attack. Then he forgets what he was going to say. The president says she will consider all that Tony has done. The president wants the CDC to give her real-time updates on Jack’s condition.

Moss tells Walker that they are not getting resistance at Starkwood. Most of the men there didn’t know what was going on. Walker has to go because Kim Bauer has shown up. Tony overhears Moss talking about Kim and wonders if Jack will be okay. Moss says he doesn’t think Tony should be arrested since he helped, but there’s nothing he can do. He orders the cuffs taken off of Tony, but still has to take him into custody.

Walker tells Jack that Kim is there to help him. He goes white boy crazy on her. She tells him that Kim has been trying to see him all day, that she’s not just there because Walker called.

Jack meets with Kim. They have a come to Jesus meeting. She apologizes, he apologizes, but he still doesn’t want her to help him. It’s really sad. The least she can do is insist on saving him since he saved her from all of her stupid ways. Mountain lion, anyone?

The Starkwood agent that went to check the perimeter kills an FBI agent. Another FBI agent shows up and takes his gun and realizes he has a cannister of the bio-weapon. Before Moss can get help there, the Starkwood baddie kills the agent and leaves with his cannister… and the FBI’s car to add insult to injury.

Moss takes off in a copter with Tony to try and find the guy who got away. They find him, but have to chase him on foot and can’t wait for backup. Starkwood baddie kills the helicopter pilot. Moss takes a few shots to the vest and tries to warn Tony that the baddie is behind him. Tony doesn’t care ’cause he and the baddie are FRIENDS!! Tony apologizes and then kills Moss by smothering him.

What the frak?!

Tony was a good guy who got dead, who came back and went bad, but went good and now is bad again? Jack gonna get his ass dead again.

Tick tock tick tock…

Double Digits

Kali is officially in the double digits. She turned ten yesterday. Does this make her a preteen? Ugh. Perish the thought.

Friday night Donny and I went out and bought her presents. We decided on Mario Kart w/ the Wii Wheel, a Sims game for the Wii, Bolt on DVD, and lots of clothes. My mother-in-law sent her a Kohl’s gift certificate and my Grandma sent her cash. Kohl’s had a great clearance sale so we made out really well there. She also got a Disney Channel Scene-It from Kohl’s (normally $45, on sale for $16!)

Saturday we had a party with family here at the house. Pics below. Then yesterday, we went to my parents house for an Easter Egg hunt.

Saturday – My stepmother made the birthday cakes for both Kali (4/12) and my sister, Bruklyn (4/15) They’ve been playing lots of Rock Band and Guitar Hero so Kali wanted a guitar cake and Bruklyn wanted drums.

I have more pics, but Donny went to work with my laptop bag in the car and my digital camera is inside of it. Boo.

More pics when Donny gets home from work.

So, how was our Easter weekend?

TCTBTF: Week 14 – Healthy Breakfast and Hoop Dancing

I have been so good this week! Let’s see:

1. I removed the skin from the fried chicken Donny bought before eating it.

2. I had two big bowls of grilled chicken salad while everyone else had Wendy’s.

3. When I realized that I left for class last night w/o my dinner (salad), I didn’t stop at fast food. I did; however, get a yogurt parfait from Starbucks.

4. I’ve worked out every day this week. Yoga, step aerobics, light boxing, and crunches up the butt. Well, not up the butt literally.

I’m down….. *drum roll, please*… THREE POUNDS this week. As my white friends say, “Woot!”

That’s -10lbs in 14 weeks. I’m over thinking about how much more that would be if I were on track the whole time. It is what it is.

My dedication to working out is thanks to www.socialworkout.com which I talked about last week, but more on that in a bit.

Today I want to talk about breakfast, my favorite meal of the day. In fact, we probably have brinner (breakfast for dinner) once a month at our house. It’s also usually a good indication of the kind of day I’m gonna have. When I have a good breakfast it keeps me from being so hungry by lunchtime that I have no patience or will power to make good decisions. (Lunch is usually my worst meal of the day.) What I love about breakfast when eating healthy is that there are so many good things you can eat, and lots of it!

Some of my favorite breakfast items/combos are:

1. Whole wheat toast w/ ICBINB, scrambled egg whites, juice, yogurt.

2. Fruit, multi-grain Cheerios, tbs of peanut butter

3. 1 cup of oatmeal with a  little sugar and butter.

What are some of your healthy breakfast ideas?

I mentioned last week that I’m doing this April Workout Challenge at Social Workout. You have to work out 26 days in April. I’ve decided I’m only resting on Sundays. So far, so good. I really love reading the blogs of the other people taking the challenge. I’ve found lots of interesting and motivating information.

This one girl mentioned hoop dancing in her post, and when I asked her what it was, she linked a few of her performances. I want to share one with you now. Unfortunately, she hasn’t been on since sharing the links so she hasn’t seen my request for an interview. If she does, and agrees, maybe I’ll feature that in an upcoming TCTBTF blog.

She’s so great. Her name is mARTa. Ladies, doesn’t that motivate you to keep at the crunches and keep the fatty foods to a minimum? It does for me.

Nina’s Top Ten Most Embarrassing Situations

Some of these are general, and some are specific incidents that pertain to me. All are downright cringe-worthy.

10. Denied!

When you try to pay for something with your credit/debit card, and it’s declined. Then you have to do that, “I don’t understand. I know there’s money available/in the account,” speech. And no one around believes you. They should! It’s not like you were trying to pass a check. Anyone that presents a credit/debit card truly believes that it will be accepted. No one chooses to put themselves through that experience on purpose, right?

This hasn’t happened to me in years. Why? Because I don’t play that shit. I always check my bank balance before leaving the house to shop. Always. Don’t use credit cards anymore. I spent a lot of my 20′s being embarrassed due to poor money management skills and shitty luck. Also, I’m not tryna have that shit happen with my kids around.

“Mommy, I thought we were getting groceries.”

“Not today, baby. We don’t really need to eat.”

9. Out of the mouths of babes

Speaking of children… when your kid says something they shouldn’t… in public… loudly.

Standing in the cereal aisle. “Mommy, did you just fart?”

A few years ago, Kal and Donny were checking out of Best Buy. He was purchasing a few video games.

“Does Mommy know you’re buying all this stuff?”

What’s worse is when they repeat something they’ve heard around the house in public.

“Mommy, you know how Daddy is always saying he’s gonna backhand you?”

(Donny does threaten this, but he’s totally joking. I think.)

The last time this happened, Kali made me sound really bad. We were going to my parents’ house for my nephew’s first birthday party. Due to procrastination, we ended up at Walmart down the road from their house an hour before the party buying his presents. We picked out some clothes and some kind of toy. Kali, way too excited, kept picking up things she would like. She handed me a pink Care Bear and I told her no, we’d already gotten Elijah enough things. When we got to the party, she told my stepmother, “I wanted to get a bear for Elijah, but my mother said we’d already bought him enough.”

Now, that’s what I said, but when she said it, it made me sound like a cheap-ass auntie!

8. Bodily fluids rearing their heads at inappropriate times.

I remember being a kid and traveling on the train to and from school with some neighborhood kids that I hated. One girl in particular was a big ole bitch. She was a tomboy and really mean. She was awful to me and highly intimidating.

One day, we were on the train and I had a runny nose. I was standing in front of her holding on to the pole while she, and some of our friends, sat. It was hard to be a part of the conversation because looking down did nothing to stop the snot flow and I had to keep sniffing. Then, I felt a river of snot making it’s way down my nostril and I couldn’t stop it. It was like the whole thing happened in slow motion.

It was a like a big fat raindrop and it landed right on mean girl’s shoe. And she noticed. And she said something so that those hadn’t noticed, would. She was a cunt like that.

“You just gonna leave that there on my shoe?”

God, I hated that bitch.

7. Snarting

Snarting – When you sneeze and fart at the same time.

The only thing worse than snarting is…

6. Sharting

Sharting - When you go to fart, but end up… well, you know.

5. What’s That Smell?

Speaking of shit…

There once was a girl that had to poop really badly, but she couldn’t do so without having something to read. Butt clenched tightly, she scrambled to find something, anything, that she could take with her to the bathroom. She finally found a TV Guide and rushed to do her business.

Hours later, her husband came home and complained that the bathroom still smelled of poo. A vigorous search revealed that in her haste, Poo Girl, had managed to get some poo on the lip of the sink.

I swear, it’s not me.

4. When are you due… be do be do…  *whistle*

Never, ever, enquire about a woman’s pregnancy unless you are 100% positive she is pregnant. And by that I mean, you can see the baby emerging from her vagina. Other than that, keep your mouth shut!

Once, when Kali was like 2, we took her to The Picture People to have her portrait taken. While we waited for our turn, one of the young girls working asked me, “Do you know what you’re having?”

I thought she meant did I know which package we were going to buy or which background we wanted to use. So, I said, “Not yet, we’re still deciding.” It wasn’t until I saw the look of confusion, then mortification, on her face, and the complete look of horror on her co-worker’s face did I realize what she meant. We all just kinda pretended it hadn’t happened.

For the record, I was sitting on a stool and my sweatshirt puffed out making me look bigger than I was. But it was still freakin’ embarrassing.

3. Remember that time… wait. What? That wasn’t you?

Don’t you hate when you start telling a story in which you’re reminiscing with someone, and you’re talking to the wrong someone? Well, that’s particularly messed up when it’s your significant other/spouse.

And even six more shades of wrong when it’s something that suggests that you were a totally different person.

“Honey, remember when we got caught having sex in the back of my car?”

“Um, no.”

“Sure you do. We were out by that old field and it was raining…”

“No.”

“Come on! And then the cops showed up and your foot was hanging out the window and he shined his flashlight right on your ankle tattoo.. and wait… you don’t have an ankle tattoo.”

2. Hi, don’t I know you?

That isn’t just a really bad pick-up line.

Nothing makes you look like more of a tool than striking up a conversation with someone thinking they’re someone else.

And the number one embarrassing situation?

1. One word:

Queefs.

What embarrassing stories can you share that fit into one of the categories above? What about another situation?

Have an idea for a Nina’s Top Ten? Send your suggestion to nina@blogitoutb.com and you just may see it here one Wednesday with a special shout-out to you and your brilliance… made even more brilliant by own.

BIOBaby: What Did This Titty Ever Do To You, Part 2

I’d previously written about Jack’s left nipple aversion here. Lately he’d been giving the right one the cold shoulder.

For two full days he refused to nurse from it. It started with the stink eye. He would give it a skeptical look before putting it in his mouth. Then, it escalated to him actually taking a few gulps before spitting it out and trying to crawl to the other side.

How rude!

I’m sure the milk tastes the same, (and he had no problem drinking milk from that boob pumped into a bottle while I was in school) so I started doing titty inspections. Was there something going on with the right one? That’s when I  figured it out. A random hair was out of control on the bottom right perimeter of the areola. Lovely.

So, that’s why he was suddenly treating my boob like the grody fountain drink you return in a restaurant!

“This Coke tastes funny. Can I have a Sprite or maybe a sweet tea?”

Unfortunately for Jack, his only two flavors are left and right.

24 – Day 7: Midnight – 1am

Previously on 24: The president appoints her crazy-ass daughter provisional Chief of Staff. Moss informs the president that they need to move on Starkwood (the anti-government, private military, white boy crazy group) because they have bio-weapons and were in on the atack on The White House. Tony refuses to break under Hodges’ interrogation. Hodges’ assistant turns on him and offers up the location of the bio-weapons. The FBI moves on Starkwood, but gets punked. Oh, and Jack still has incurable cooties.

And now…

The following takes place between 12am and 1am:

Tony and Moss realize they are surrounded by Starkwood crazies. Janis confirms via satellite they don’t have an out. Hodges shows up. He orders them to leave his property. Their search warrant was for a specific building and there were no weapons of mass destruction. Sound familiar? He tells Moss they have five minutes to get the hell up outta there… and he wants his assistant, Greg, released to boot.

Moss tells Walker they have five minutes to come up with a plan. Jack figures out there’s a man within Starkwood that may be able to help them, Mr Knowles. Jack calls him and asks for his help. Knowles says he might have an idea where the bio-weapons are. Jack will call him back.

Starkwood’s men move into place. Jack tells Moss they need to create a diversion so that Tony can stay behind, and the FBI should leave. Moss bitch-punches Greg and takes a hit to the face for his troubles. Meanwhile, Tony swipes a weapon and ducks back into the empty warehouse. Moss and his men leave.

Tony meets up with Knowles who says he has an idea of where the weapons are. Janis plots a course for them. At the FBI offices, Jack has a cootie flare-up. He doesn’t look good.

Jack calls the president and tells her they were punked. He says they can pull off an air strike once they confirm where the bio-weapons are. The president wants visual confirmation from Jack before they make a move. She privately asks how his cooties are doing. He tells her that he currently feels fine. She thanks him for his service and apologizes for the cooties.

Olivia’s journalist friend, Ken, calls and wants to know what’s going on. He’s been hearing whispers. She tries to blow him off, but he threatens to tell her mother and the world that she forced out the chief of staff to take his job. She agrees to meet him at his hotel room.

Knowles’ key card isn’t working when they get to where the weapons are. Janis logs in Chloe-style and begins to hack. Some Starkwood men show up before she can get all five digits of the code. Knowles creates a diversion and Tony gets in. Knowles has to leave with the Starkwood security though. Jack, at the FBI offices, collapses in a cooties attack.

When Hodges hears that Knowles was found wandering he orders him taken to his office. The bio-weapons will be ready in 30 mins.

Olivia arrives at Ken’s hotel. She wants Aaron to wait in the hall, but he wants to check the room first. She talks him out of it. Ken tells Olivia that his source told him a WMD was hijacked and he wants details. Olivia refuses saying it’s national security. He pushes and she blabs. Ken says he’ll kill the story if Olivia sleeps with him.

She tried to blow him off, and now she just has to blow him. She needs to start screaming rape and let Aaron bust a cap in that ass.

Jack gets treated by the CDC lady. He’s all, “Circle, circle, dot, dot, now I have a cootie shot.” She tells him that with a stem cell donor that’s a genetic match, he could take part of some experimental treatment. Jack won’t contact his daughter, Kim. And thank God for that ’cause she’s annoying as hell. Walker thinks that Kim should have the choice to help or not.

Where the hell are Chloe and Morris? Did they go home?

Anyway, Janis realizes that 8 hostiles are on their way to Tony’s location. Jack offers to regroup, but Tony wants to get it over with. Tony takes out two of them Splinter Cell-style! It’s kinda hot.

Tony steals a bullet proof vest, some weapons, and a key card. He gets in an elevator and encounters a scientist. They make small talk. Tony makes his way to where the weapons are and takes a picture. He sends them to Jack who confirms they are the bio-weapons. He tells Tony to get the hell up outta there.

Knowles wants to know what the hell is going on. Hodges goes on a white boy crazy-rant. He sounds like Dick Cheney. I kept this country safe, I won’t apologize, blah, blah, blah. Knowles tells him he can’t start a war with the federal government. Hodges beats him with a decanter and then tosses him over the balcony. He then cleans blood and brain schmutz off of his shirt. Greg calls and tells him that F18s are less than ten minutes from their location. The bio-weapons are ready. Hodges orders a call to the president.

Olivia has slept with Ken and he says he’s still gonna run the story. He says this is how the game is played, and Olivia is all, “No, bitch. This is how it’s played.” She gets her cell phone which has recorded their whole sex romp. She threatens to tell the world… and his wife.

The president calls and tells Olivia to get her ass back to the White House. The air strike is set to go down in five minutes.

Hodges confirms that the weapons are ready. Then he makes a face and looks just like Angelina Jolie.

The president and joint chiefs realize that Starkwood knows they’re coming. Hodges calls and the president takes his call in private. He tells her that if she doesn’t turn the planes around, he’ll launch missiles armed with the bio-weapon at three major cities on the east coast. He tells her she can’t tell anyone about their conversation and that he wants to meet with her in the oval office within the hour.

The president rushes to call off the strike. They manage to call it off just in time. Then the president walks out the room without an explanation. She can do that. She’s the president.

The Gentle Pull

Kali wants a cell phone.

Kali doesn’t need a cell phone.

“But I can talk to my friends.”

“You see your friends in school, and then you come home. Anything that wasn’t said in school that can’t wait until the next day can be said on the house phone.”

“Well, what about when I’m not with you?”

“You’re always with me!”

And when she’s not with us, she’s with my parents and they have phones. I don’t see why a nine-year-old needs a cell phone.

Now, my little sister, Bruklyn, lives with us. She’s eleven and has a cell phone. She is always on that damn phone. Always. She texts my mother from the school bus, she texts her friends back home, she chats with her friends back home, all.the.time.

I’m noticing that gentle pull. Kali is on the fringe of this pre-teen behavior, lapping it up like a kitty with cream. They hang out in the bonus room or Kali’s room with the phone on speaker chatting with Brukyn’s friend Abi. They talk about Twilight, they giggle, they talk about Twilight some more.

Kali hasn’t read a single Twilight book, but Bruklyn has read all four. The other day Kali came to me and said, “There’s the funniest video on You Tube. You know when Laurent, Victoria, and James are walking to where the Cullens are playing baseball? Well, someone has them walking to the music, “We are family. I got all my sisters with me!”

First of all, that was too many pop culture references for even my brain to handle.  And secondly, the Cullens? Kali, rightfully, expressed no interest in the books when I devoured them a few months ago. Now, she knows all the characters?

Yesterday, she sat on the couch vigorously punching buttons on Bruklyn’s phone.

“What are you doing?”

“Texting Dina.”

Dina is my other sister.

“About what?”

“Everything.”

Jesus.

I don’t know why this gentle pull towards pre-teen behavior bothers me so much. I mean, I saw it coming. I guess I thought there was time, and now, with my sister here, it’s all moving too fast. The gentle pull has turned into a hearty tug.

When I listen to Bruklyn talk, everything is “weird” and “awkward.” In fact, she uses awkward so much I caught myself quoting The Princess Bride yesterday.

“I don’t think that word means what you think it does.”

Now, with both of their birthdays right around the corner I’m at a loss as to what to get Kali for her birthday. Don’t get it twisted, she’s not getting a cell phone, but I find myself shopping for a child with a whole new mindset than the one she had just months ago. Bruklyn’s cell phone locked up last night and no one could figure out what was wrong with it. It was as if someone died! I’m not ready for that!

And it’s not that Bruklyn is a bad influence (she gets straight A’s and is very outgoing and athletic), she is a typical kid… and that’s the problem. Kids typically get on my nerves.

So, what say you? Cell phones for ten-year-olds? Appropriate? What about a mini laptop with parental controls up the wazoo?

Survivor: Tocantins “One of Those Coach Moments”

Previously on Survivor: Brendan and Sierra find the hidden immunity idol at Timbira and Taj and Stephen find the Jalapoa idol. JT wants to vote out Spencer. Taj goes black girl crazy, but doesn’t get voted out. Spencer gets the boot. 11 are left, who leaves tonight?

Jalapao – Night 15:

JT is not sorry to see Spencer go.

The next morning, Sydney is worried that if they lose again, she’ll go home. Joe pretty much admits that though Taj is the stronger player, if they lose again she will go home over Sydney because Sydney is hot. Dumbass.

And she ain’t even that hot!

And we have credits…

Timbira – Day 16

It looks like a prison camp.

Beans are done cooking and Coach adds dirty river water to it. He says it makes the beans taste better. The rain comes and he doesn’t even tend to his nasty concoction. He gets into the shelter with everyone else. When  the rain stops, the beans are ruined. I’d have kicked him in the junk.

Jalapao – Day 16

Their beans are juuuust fine.

Taj wants to tell JT about the idol. Stephen ain’t feeling it. He wants Taj all to himself… and the idol.

Luxury Challenge – Each tribe has five minutes to build a barracade in the other tribe’s frame. Then they have to toss ceramic pigs into their frame and if they break or drop the pigs, it doesn’t count. Most pigs win. They get to eat if they win.

They have ten minutes to toss pigs one at a time. Timbira scores first. they take a lead, but Jalapao starts to catch up. Sydney takes a lot of hard hits when she catches the pigs against her bony frame.

With three minutes left, Jalapao takes the lead. Woohoo! BUT.. Timbira wins. Ugh. I don’t want Coach to win ANYTHING.

Timbira picks Joe to go to Exile Island, and he picks Erin because when they merge, he wants someone to flip. He says his charm game is strong.

Timbira – Day 16

They go to their reward; the perfect all-American picnic.

At Exile Island, Erin and Joe realize the idols are at the camp.

Jalapao – Day 16

Stephen and Taj realize that when Joe gets back he’ll know right away where the idol is, and then figure out that Taj has it. They decide to make a fake idol to put in it’s place. Taj makes an arts and crafts project and hides it in tree mail.

JT and Stephen are going fishing and JT picks up a bag (Taj’s) and finds the idol. He approaches Stephen who is caught off guard and doesn’t display the appropriate amount of shock. He tells Taj that she should tell JT and she does. Now it looks good. It looks like she was honest. JT laps it up.

At the immunity challenge – Each tribe uses a sling shot to break a tile and release sand, which reveals bag and puzzle piece. Gather your pieces and complete the puzzle first.

JT shoots for Jalapao and Tyson for Timbira.

Timbira gets a lead working on their puzzle. Brendan and Erin work on Timbira’s puzzle while Stephen and Joe work on Jalapao’s. Timbira wins. Ugh!

Jalapao Day 18 - Joe finds the fake idol. He tells Sydney they’re voting out Taj. JT and Stephen try to convince Joe to vote out Sydney. JT and Stephen consider backstabbing Taj.

At Tribal Council – It’s so clear it’s between Sydney and Taj. Taj tries to work the angle that she might be able to flip some Timbira folks her way. Sydney says that she will remain loyal because she doesn’t know any Timbira folks Time to vote!

Sydney is voted out 3-2. This makes me happy because she has not been playing the game. She hasn’t made any moves. Why should she stay? Cause she’s cute and she gives Joe a boner? Bump that!

Bye!

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