24 – Day 7: Midnight – 1am

Previously on 24: The president appoints her crazy-ass daughter provisional Chief of Staff. Moss informs the president that they need to move on Starkwood (the anti-government, private military, white boy crazy group) because they have bio-weapons and were in on the atack on The White House. Tony refuses to break under Hodges’ interrogation. Hodges’ assistant turns on him and offers up the location of the bio-weapons. The FBI moves on Starkwood, but gets punked. Oh, and Jack still has incurable cooties.

And now…

The following takes place between 12am and 1am:

Tony and Moss realize they are surrounded by Starkwood crazies. Janis confirms via satellite they don’t have an out. Hodges shows up. He orders them to leave his property. Their search warrant was for a specific building and there were no weapons of mass destruction. Sound familiar? He tells Moss they have five minutes to get the hell up outta there… and he wants his assistant, Greg, released to boot.

Moss tells Walker they have five minutes to come up with a plan. Jack figures out there’s a man within Starkwood that may be able to help them, Mr Knowles. Jack calls him and asks for his help. Knowles says he might have an idea where the bio-weapons are. Jack will call him back.

Starkwood’s men move into place. Jack tells Moss they need to create a diversion so that Tony can stay behind, and the FBI should leave. Moss bitch-punches Greg and takes a hit to the face for his troubles. Meanwhile, Tony swipes a weapon and ducks back into the empty warehouse. Moss and his men leave.

Tony meets up with Knowles who says he has an idea of where the weapons are. Janis plots a course for them. At the FBI offices, Jack has a cootie flare-up. He doesn’t look good.

Jack calls the president and tells her they were punked. He says they can pull off an air strike once they confirm where the bio-weapons are. The president wants visual confirmation from Jack before they make a move. She privately asks how his cooties are doing. He tells her that he currently feels fine. She thanks him for his service and apologizes for the cooties.

Olivia’s journalist friend, Ken, calls and wants to know what’s going on. He’s been hearing whispers. She tries to blow him off, but he threatens to tell her mother and the world that she forced out the chief of staff to take his job. She agrees to meet him at his hotel room.

Knowles’ key card isn’t working when they get to where the weapons are. Janis logs in Chloe-style and begins to hack. Some Starkwood men show up before she can get all five digits of the code. Knowles creates a diversion and Tony gets in. Knowles has to leave with the Starkwood security though. Jack, at the FBI offices, collapses in a cooties attack.

When Hodges hears that Knowles was found wandering he orders him taken to his office. The bio-weapons will be ready in 30 mins.

Olivia arrives at Ken’s hotel. She wants Aaron to wait in the hall, but he wants to check the room first. She talks him out of it. Ken tells Olivia that his source told him a WMD was hijacked and he wants details. Olivia refuses saying it’s national security. He pushes and she blabs. Ken says he’ll kill the story if Olivia sleeps with him.

She tried to blow him off, and now she just has to blow him. She needs to start screaming rape and let Aaron bust a cap in that ass.

Jack gets treated by the CDC lady. He’s all, “Circle, circle, dot, dot, now I have a cootie shot.” She tells him that with a stem cell donor that’s a genetic match, he could take part of some experimental treatment. Jack won’t contact his daughter, Kim. And thank God for that ’cause she’s annoying as hell. Walker thinks that Kim should have the choice to help or not.

Where the hell are Chloe and Morris? Did they go home?

Anyway, Janis realizes that 8 hostiles are on their way to Tony’s location. Jack offers to regroup, but Tony wants to get it over with. Tony takes out two of them Splinter Cell-style! It’s kinda hot.

Tony steals a bullet proof vest, some weapons, and a key card. He gets in an elevator and encounters a scientist. They make small talk. Tony makes his way to where the weapons are and takes a picture. He sends them to Jack who confirms they are the bio-weapons. He tells Tony to get the hell up outta there.

Knowles wants to know what the hell is going on. Hodges goes on a white boy crazy-rant. He sounds like Dick Cheney. I kept this country safe, I won’t apologize, blah, blah, blah. Knowles tells him he can’t start a war with the federal government. Hodges beats him with a decanter and then tosses him over the balcony. He then cleans blood and brain schmutz off of his shirt. Greg calls and tells him that F18s are less than ten minutes from their location. The bio-weapons are ready. Hodges orders a call to the president.

Olivia has slept with Ken and he says he’s still gonna run the story. He says this is how the game is played, and Olivia is all, “No, bitch. This is how it’s played.” She gets her cell phone which has recorded their whole sex romp. She threatens to tell the world… and his wife.

The president calls and tells Olivia to get her ass back to the White House. The air strike is set to go down in five minutes.

Hodges confirms that the weapons are ready. Then he makes a face and looks just like Angelina Jolie.

The president and joint chiefs realize that Starkwood knows they’re coming. Hodges calls and the president takes his call in private. He tells her that if she doesn’t turn the planes around, he’ll launch missiles armed with the bio-weapon at three major cities on the east coast. He tells her she can’t tell anyone about their conversation and that he wants to meet with her in the oval office within the hour.

The last time I saw balls as big as Hodges', they were chasing Indiana Jones down a cavern.

The president rushes to call off the strike. They manage to call it off just in time. Then the president walks out the room without an explanation. She can do that. She’s the president.