The Amazing Race 14: It Was Like a Caravan of Idiots & She’s a Little Scared of Stick, But I Think She’ll Be OK!

“It Was Like a Caravan of Idiots”

Previously on The Amazing Race, which I missed ’cause a sprinkle of snow caused by DirecTV to go out: Nine teams raised to Romania. Brad and Victoria took a gamble with flights and screwed themselves. Mel and Mike come in first. Victor led Tammy astray and she finally spoke out. Brad and Victoria were eliminated.

And now…

The teams leave from Romania. Mel and Mike leave first at 10:49pm. They have to fly to Siberia and then travel by taxi to the location on the back of a 10 ruble note.

The two tiny stuntmen ask their cab driver for his cell phone and he gives it to them, but not before dialing the cab driver of the Jaime and Cara (the cheerleaders.) He gives the phone to them and they pretend to be the airlines and tell them there are no flights… then hang up. It’s deliciously evil and funny.

"P-U-N-K-E-D! What does that spell?!"

All the teams take various flights to Moscow, but some teams miss the connecting flight to Siberia.

Mike and Mark (tiny stuntmen) and Kisha and Jen (sistahs) are in first and second place respectively. The flight attendants are third. They have to choose between two Detours. 1. Stack wood or 2. Build shutters and then install them on a house.

They all choose Stack.

One of the sistahs keeps saying things like, “This is a lot of wood,” and, “give me wood,” and, “that’s big wood.”

That's what SHE said!

The locals just laugh and drink and stare. As usual.

The stuntmen knock down the model stack of wood and have to restack THAT as well. Sucks to be them. They give up and go to the other task.

The other teams finally arrive.

The stuntmen go in search of the house that needs the shutters BEFORE putting them together.

Kisha and Jen finish stacking first and head off to the first U-Turn. But the U-Turn has a twist, when you choose to have another team turn around and do the Detour they didn’t attempt, you no longer have to leave your picture labeling yourself the perpetrator. Kisha and Jen don’t use it and neither do the blonde flight attendants.

All the other teams choose to Stack.

Kisha and Jen reach the Road Block. One team member rides a bobsled- rollercoaster looking for seven letters along the way. After the ride, they have to unscramble the letters to spell out the name of a Russian playwright. They have to complete the ride in four minutes or less.

Kisha goes through and only gets 6 letters. She has to do the ride again.

The tiny stuntmen are still looking for the house.

The blondes get all the letters in exactly four minutes, but can’t unscramble the name.

The remaining teams stacking all knock over their wood piles, but only the cheerleaders decide to stick it out. Mel and Mike and Amanda and Kris head for the shutters.

Soooo close!

Margie and Luke U-Turn Amanda and Kris. That’s messed up.

Luke and Marge: That's how they roll.

Victor and Tammy don’t knock over their wood pile, and he chalks it up to Asian engineering.

Now, if someone else had that, it woulda been wrong.

Kisha and Jen finally guess Chekhov and head for pit stop.

The flight attendants finally get it too.

Amanda and Kris, Mel and Mike, and the tiny stuntmen are all trying to build the shutters.

The flight attendants (Christie and Jodi) beat Kisha and Jen to the pit stop and win motorcycles for coming in first.

At the bobsled, Victor said he had no problem coming up with Chekhov because, “Who doesn’t know Chekhov?”

Um, everyone that came before you, that’s who.

Aaaand those that came after you, too. Luke has a hard time coming up with the name.

The cheerleaders finally finish the wood pile.

The three shutters teams wander the streets looking for the house looking like “a caravan of idiots.” They are literally a few feet from the house and don’t see it. FINALLY, they find it.

When the cheerleaders are trying to decide who should do the bobsled one says, “I’m a good reader.”

Um, you’re a grown ass woman. I hope you’re a good reader!

Amanda and Kris are bummed to find they were U-Turned and have to do the wood pile anyway. I feel bad for them.

As they make their way to the bob sled, after completing the wood pile, they speculate that it was either Kisha and Jen or the blondes who U-Turned them. They are sure that Margie and Luke feel bad for them. Little do they know…

The tiny stuntmen are at the pit stop, but don’t have enough money to pay the cabbie. They offer up a watch, but the cabbie is rolling with a Rolex. LMAO! He finally accepts the money that they have.

Amanda and Kris are eliminated and it sucks.

"Margie and Luke are gonna be SO bummed to see us go!"

“She’s a Little Scared of Stick, But I Think She’ll Be OK!”

Previously on The Amazing Race: Luke and Margie blind U-Turn Amanda and Kris. The blonde flight attendants come in first. The tiny stuntmen have a rough go.

And now…

Seven teams remain. Christie and Jodi depart at 12:43 p.m. They have to ride the Transiberian Railway. Kisha and Jen leave second, but it doesn’t matter because the next train leaves at 10:26pm. All teams will be on the same train.

The next morning, on the train, Luke and Margie admit to Mike that they U-Turned Kris and Amanda. Hee-hee. Luke signs that the big, strong guy had to go.

Jaime and Cara are annoyed that their cab driver is smoking. Dude, he’s Russian, leave him alone.

Detour: Russian Bride or Russian Snow Plow. In the first, they have to find a bride and drive her to a church to take a pic with the groom. In the other, they drive a snow plow through a course.

Margie and Luke were following Victor and Tammy and the cheerleaders were following them. When they all stop for directions, Victor finds the way first and takes off. When they stop again, he does the same thing.

Don't hate the player...

Mel and Mike do Russian Bride because they’d rather party with virgin brides than snow plows.

When Tammy and Victor, Margie and Luke, and Cara and Jaime arrive at the snow plows, there’s lots of confusion. Margie yells at Luke. Dude, he can’t hear you.

The blonde flight attendants stop for directions and come across a bunch of drunk Russians that purposely give them bad information. One of the blondes is felt up by a drunkard.

"He touched my butt and asked me my name." At least he asked her name.

Mel and Mike complete their bridal task.

Kisha and Jen get their bride, but have issues driving a stick shift.

The blonde flight attendants take their bride to the wrong church.

Tammy and Victor and the cheerleaders finish the snow plow and hit the Roadblock. One teammate must strip down to their undies and run a mile with a professional runner.

Tammy, realizing she will be running in her panties, says, “I can never come to Russia again.”

Cara, one of the cheerleaders, looks great in her underwear. Even though they don’t match.

Kisha and Jen finally finish their bridal task and get directions to the next clue.

The blondes complete their bridal task and are in last place.

Luke runs through the streets in his drawers and it’s not pretty. He signs that he just kept looking down which is funny because I tried not to look down.

Luke and Margie are team number 1. They win a trip for two to St. Lucia.

Tammy and Victor are team number 2. Phil tries to keep his eyes up.

Mike runs in his underwear and boots.

Kisha and Jen break their car.

The tiny stuntmen almost walk right past the pit stop.

It’s awesome cause one of the blondes had on a thong, and she ran through Russia with her ass out.

Can't show you the view from behind.

Jen, one of the sistahs, ran in her undies, and her ass cheeks kept popping out.

The blondes are in last place, but not eliminated. They predict they’ll do better clawing their way up from the bottom. No pun intended.