Should Rihanna Pay Too?
March 3, 2009 by nina
Filed under Blog It Out, Bitch
Earlier, I was watching TV when a Cover Girl cosmetics commercial came on the screen. There was Rihanna, looking easy, breezy, and beautiful. I started thinking about the endorsements Chris Brown lost after the allegations that he had beaten Rihanna during an argument. In light of the recent news that not only has she been in seclusion with Chris Brown at one of Diddy’s residences, but she has forgiven him to boot, I began to wonder… should she lose her endorsements too?
I think it’s a question worth pondering.
Apparently this was taken a few days ago on Diddy's property.
We obviously put a lot of consideration into how we charge and sentence our criminals. We admit that not all crimes are equal. Certain crimes warrant longer sentences than others, and past offenses and other circumstances are often taken into consideration. Once someone has been convicted though, and it’s important to note that Chris Brown has not, we all know that serving one’s time isn’t always the end of it.
When someone breaks the law, and then serves their time, they expect further social stigma. These people may have difficulty getting jobs, fitting back into society, and even resuming their place amongst their own family and friends. Making poor choices becomes apart of their persona, and they lose the trust of those around them; family and strangers alike. Their image is tarnished.
Isn’t this why companies that had previously employed Chris Brown as a spokesperson dropped him after the incident? He no longer fits the image they’re trying to display.
So, what does that say about Rihanna? What happend to her was awful, and she is the victim. But if we’re willing to accept the loss of endorsements as part of Chris Brown’s punishment per the standard above (he no longer portrays the desirable image), then why not apply that Rihanna? What kind of message/image is she sending to young girls when she forgives her abuser a few short weeks after he attacks her?
I suppose you could argue that Chris Brown broke the law, and she didn’t, but assuming charges are filed, and he is punished within the legal system, shouldn’t that take care of that part of it? Obviously, we expect public figures, and Regular Joes too, but mostly public figures, to pay above and beyond. It seems we’re not satisfied until they’re brought down a peg or two. Even when people don’t break the law!
An actor on Grey’s Anatomy made a homophobic remark and viewers were demanding not only his job, but that sponsors of the show split if he weren’t punished to their satisfaction.
Let’s look at Michael Vick. A few weeks ago, it was reported that he would be doing a public service announcement for PETA once he has served his time. When he asked if, in turn, PETA would put in a good word for him should he try to return to the NFL, they countered that they would only do so if he submitted to a psychological evaluation. It seems his sanity wasn’t in question if he were spreading their message, and in a sense further paying penance, but when he wanted something from them…
I think the message is pretty clear; if you don’t live up to our expectations, if you don’t behave in a matter we agree with, and even if you’ve done your time and paid your debt to society, we have the right to further up the ante and hit you in the pocketbook even harder.
I’m not one of those parents that believe we should hold celebrities accountable for what our children do. Kali can like who she wants to, but it’s my job to make sure she understands that someone who can sing, dance, rap, or swim well isn’t someone who should serve as their guide for life. Not all parents are like me though, and not all parents like me have kids that will listen. With that in mind, should Rihanna lose her endorsements for going back with someone who alledgedly beat her? Can they cite, “We don’t want someone who displays that kind of message to represent us?”
What do you think?
Nina is a 34-year-old mother, wife and writer who spends her days blogging, studying, changing diapers and watching ridiculous amounts of TV. She currently resides in Atlanta, Georgia, with her husband, two children and three TiVos.
I’m not too sure how I feel about either one of them losing endorsements….I mean, I’m sure she was part of the argument as well. NOT that I’m saying she deserved it, but if he was such a good guy, he’s not going to just go off for no reason. I will say that I do believe that her taking him back doesn’t have to be a bad thing….but that’s only if he doesn’t display that type of behavior again.
I don’t believe in setting actors/actresses..singers and the like up on pedestals….but they are in the public eye and have to watch what they do a bit more closely.
Right after it happened, Donny was discussing it with co-workers and one of the women in the discussion is from Barbados (which I THINK is where Rihanna is from) and she said, “Knowing these women the way I do, I’m sure she started it.”
On The View yesterday, Whoopi was careful to point out, “We don’t know what happened. We don’t know what happened.” For all we know, she started slapping his ass first. Not that it would make what he did right.
I just find it curious that given what we do know (which turns out to be very little), he lost those endorsements. I agree with you. Even Michael Vick, who did something atrocious, deserves to make a living after he serves his time. I think once we start saying that jail isn’t enough… how does that help rehabilitation for anything?
Yes she is from Barbados. And funny you mention that, because ive heard the same thing from my bajan(people of Barbados descent… they dont like barbadian) friends.
That’s interesting. When Donny first told me, I laughed.
Damn, i need to do something about my notifications on here…im always late. I havent read through all the comments so sorry if someone already said this…
Most industry insiders are saying that she started it and he was defending himself. Having been in a relationship where I got choked and smacked on more than one occasion I honestly believe that there is a difference between abuse and violence. Did I deserve to be chocked..nope, but did my smacking him in the face and daring him to hit me while calling him names bring that to bear…yepper. It was 20 years ago so…im sane now ahaha but there are too many women who feel they can put their hands on a man and then are shocked when he strikes back and usually he is bigger and stronger so the female ends up jacked up when all is said and done.
Im not happy they are back together, they are obviously toxic to each other…but i think she should have to face up to her actions same as he does
I am SO torn.
On one hand I believe that even though Rhianna is a celebrity she is first and foremost a young woman. It has got to be so difficult to try to live your life while millions of people watch your every move. Part of me feels that she should live her life for HER and forget about what “message” she may be sending. On the other hand, she IS a very public figure with a good portion of her fans being young women from teens to early twenties. The statistics for abusive relationships in that age bracket are staggering. Unfortunately so many of these young people DO look to what their favorite celebrities are doing and try to mimic that behavior. By her NOT leaving Chris Brown it is possible that girls/women who are in abusive relationships will see a message that says that it is acceptable to stay with someone who hurts you.
I agree with you, I try to teach my daughters that just because someone (anyone) else is doing something, that does not mean it is ok for them to do it. They have to follow the morals and values that they are being taught by myself and my husband.
I was in an abusive relationship. My childrens biological father decided it was a good idea to come home drunk one night and try to kill me. It was the first time he had ever been physically abusive, and it was also the last. I left, partly because I knew that if I stayed it would be sending the message to my daughters that it is “ok” to stay with someone who hurts you. I want better for them.
As I said, I am torn between my feelings for the Rhianna/Chris Brown issue. There are many ways to look at this. Part of me does feel that she should no longer be a covergirl. Why would the media want to promote a woman who (alledgedly (sp?)) went back to someone who physically harmed her? Have you seen the police photograph of her? It was horrific!
I know I am writing a novel here, I’m sorry…one last thing though…..I saw something her father said just the other day. He said that she had gone back to Chris Brown and he was quoted as saying something to the effect of that he loves his daughter and will stand by her regardless. I think that is the best thing he could have done because if her family gave her a hard time about going back to him then she might not feel she can go to them if it happens again. This way she knows that she has the support of her parents regardless.
Great blog as always Nina. I don’t comment often, but I do always read.
You bring up an excellent point about her Dad. If everyone cuts her loose, she’ll be least likely to say something when/if it happens again. Thanks for sharing your story.
I believe she should lose her endorsements as well. It’s only fair. What I don’t get is how quick everyone was to judge Chris. Yes, he put his hands on a woman and for that he’s wrong…but no one knows the whole story. She could have easily been abusing him and he just snapped. I’m not condoning his actions…I’m just saying that there are two sides to every story. But back to your question, her endorsement deals need to be pulled as well. Chris’ were pulled because he’s not a good role model and in the same light…Rhi Rhi isn’t one either.
Very interesting read!
First ads are about image and if a company feels their image is damaged by having Chris or Rhianna as a spokesperson then they have the right to drop them.
That’s the bottom line! Personally, I hope neither loses any money as this recession is kicking everybody in the ass! But I always say IF Rihanna forgives him, and she was there, then we shouldn’t punish her further by taking away her endorsements!
LOL re: recession. I heard that.
Let’s just say when I was 18 I was in an abusive relationship. I really believed he loved me and would change. Because of my naive beliefs, he convinced me that doing certain things were OK. Well for that I ended up in jail convicted of a felony. (No drugs, no violence, a seriously stupid crime) I did my time in jail and on probation. Because of that, my felony conviction, I can no longer vote. I can hardly get the types of jobs I would love to have- ones that I could really advance in and would help my family tremendously. I am a mother of two that can not even volunteer at my childrens school because of the felony conviction. Well over 10 years later I still pay for my crime. Do I feel sad for an athlete when he just loses an endorsement when he gets into trouble? Nope- no love lost there, he’ll still be able to do his job which pays very well. Do I feel bad for Animal Abuser Vick? Hell no, because more than likely he’ll be able to return to the sports world in some capacity and make more money than most of us. Do I feel sorry for people like myself? You betcha.
Sorry Nina……fingers just took over this morning.
I know that this isn’t really the focus of your comment, but it is my understanding that you CAN vote. I’ve always been told that convicted felons could not vote, but the info that was being put out there during the last presidential election said that they COULD, as long as they’ve completed their jail time AND completed their probation. It’s something to look into if you’re totally finished with any punishment.
Tara is right. In MOST states, convicted felons ARE allowed to vote. It’s a myth that they can’t vote. Only KY and VA won’t allow it. Here’s a url to a map with details – state by state.
http://www.aclu.org/votingrights/exoffenders/statelegispolicy2007.html
I’m such a geek about civil liberties…
Wow. Thanks for sharing that.
I was disgusted when I heard she was going back to Chris Brown. Now I know no one apart from Rihanna and that woman-beating louse know what actually went in in that car, but a picture cannot lie. As someone who’s been beaten by a man before, I think the girl needs her head examined. Not only is she letting herself down by taking that fool back, but she’s sending a dangerous message to the kids of today- beating a partner is OK, it’s forgiveable. She may be getting all the promises in the world from Mr Clever Hands right now, but mark my words he’ll do it again. The question is- next time, shamed, will she dare let the world know it went on? This is a woman cowed, not a woman strong, and it breaks my heart.
It’s tough because we don’t know if it’s the first or last time. I’ll admit, I was more than a little judgmental to hear she went back.
It’s almost like the whole thing with the Clintons… Bill cheated and Hillary was looked at as either 1.) strong for forgiving him, or 2.) stupid for thinking he wouldn’t do it again. Hmmm…
Good point.
Yes that is a good point…don’t forget about Magic and Cookie
please pardon me for disagreeing veeerrry strongly with you about this statement… it is nearly NOTHING like what happened with the Clintons. In that instance we are talking about breaking a moral law, humiliation, trust lost. Hilary’s forgiving and staying with Bill is very unlikely to wind her up at the morgue, unlike Rihanna’s forgiving and staying with Chris Brown. Rihanna is actually gambling with her life, not a bit of embarrassment.
I read here that he BIT her. This man is vicious and dangerous and is not safe to be around. I mean, he belongs in a cage, FFS.
I think what she meant, and what I was agreeing to, is that they’re both faced with the same, “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” attitude from society. Some people see what Rihanna has done and choose to just see that it’s forgiveness and forgiveness is a good thing. While others see stupidity.
I am not torn…I might even be considered a little heartless in this matter. This is not an uneducated little girl raised to believe that this is the only way to live. This girl knows that what he did was wrong. She loves him, maybe she started it…maybe she didn’t, but she loves him. If the stories are true she loves him and she is forgiving him or at least trying to.
DUMB. ASS!
She is not dependent upon him financially, she does “know better”,they do not have children together.
Even if she smacked the hell out of him first…he did not just restrain her, he did not just smack the hell out of her. He beat the hell out of that girl.
If he loses due to the altercation she should too.
Now as far as their music. I could care less. My kids listen to for the most part, what they want to. I listened to all the 80’s hair bands when I was a kid.I didn’t put a needle in my arm…they only thing they influenced was bad 80’s hair.
LOL @ bad 80’s hair.
My Mom and I were discussing the financial aspect last night. You hear about abused women who stay because they cannot support themselves if they leave. I was like, “She’s rich and cute! Girl, be gone!” Just goes to show that there’s a lot of layers to a situation like that. And if you (not you specifically, but general) believe she’s been stupid, it goes to show that stupid is not restricted to the poor.
I said yes initially without really thinking. I’m on the fence because we don’t know what really happened between the two of them. I don’t know.
Yeah, I find it funny that everyone admits that we don’t have all the facts, but based on what we do know, he lost his endorsements.
He hit her that’s the only real fact we know. He was wrong for that. I think punishing her for going back to him is a sticky subject matter. But it’s kind of like a person whose an addict. He or she cannot overcome their addiction, they lose out on things too. But I guess because it’s domestic violence, it’s just treated differently. I just think she sent out a bad message loud and clear to alot of little girls who envy her or girls who may be going through some abuse at home and were looking to Rihanna for an answer. I just find it fucked up her daddy hasn’t done anything. Michael and I were talking about it Sunday and we’re both going back and forth on who would be the first to whoop Logan’s (God forbidden) abuser ass first. Now her dad is saying he’ll support whatever decision his daughter’s makes. I get that but hell no I don’t get it.
As far as Chris Brown goes, I was waiting for Jay-Z to beat dat ass.
Why would Jay do that? You know I’m a Bee Stan….lol. I saw some pics lastweek and Rihanna was riding with these 2 body guards. Well one of the body guards works with both Jay and Bee. In the past, Rihanna didn’t ride around with security. I’m thinking he was involved in that someway. But that’s all it better have been…lol.
LMAO you arent the only one waiting for JayZ to literally throw a few punches @ CB
A man should NEVER hit a woman, everyone seems to be in agreement with that. We teach our sons from a young age to never raise their hands to a woman, we tell them to walk away. We teach our daughters that it is not okay to be hit, that no man who loves them will hurt them in that way, again, teaching them to walk away. What concerns me is that not enough of us teach our daughters that it is not okay to hit a man. How many of us tell us teach our daughters that to hit a man is wrong as well?? I know that i would never be okay if someone were hitting my daughter, but I also know that I would also not be okay if a girl were hitting on my son. How does he defend himself against that? When my younger brother was living with me about 10 years ago i overheard his then girlfriend slap him in the head while he was sleeping. It was her way of trying to wake him up, but I heard the slap through the closed door and then I heard him holler at her not to hit him. HE WOULD NEVER HIT HER BACK! Knowing that, the minute that little bitch came out of their room i told her that if she ever put her hands on my brother again, she better be prepared for an ass beating. The biggest thing is that if I hadn’t heard it, he never would have said anything… is that okay??
Sorry…I may have gotten carried away. In short, i believe that if he is going to lose his endorsements, she should too if she is going back.
I totally teach Kali to keep her hands to herself. The few times that she hasn’t listened, she got hit in return (usually she’s playing and the other kid responds either too roughly or seriously), and then she wants to cry and come to me. I defend her right not to be hit, but I also point out that sometimes getting hit back is the consequence of not keeping your hands to yourself. Doesn’t make it right, but be prepared for it. We’d all like to think that when one person falters, the other will be the bigger person and walk away, but that’s not always the case. It’s tough with kids.
My mom always told us girls, “If you hit someone, male or female be prepared to be hit back. Not that a man should ever hit you, but be prepared because you have no place hitting him either.” That’s why i wanted to beat my brothers ex, she thought she could hit him without repercussions. I stopped that real quick.
maybe we don’t teach our boys that because its unlikely that a woman is going to really beat the living shit out of a man. He is, in almost every situation, stronger enough than the woman to restrain her, and come on now, it is also unlikely that a woman is going to flip out and pummel her man’s face in. I got jumped once by six young women, who hit as hard as they could, the resulting injuries being a couple of black eyes. That was it. No swelling or blood or cracked jaws. Now, if I had been beaten up by just one man (i have never been hit by a man) my face might look like Rihanna’s did, or worse. Honestly women in general are just not physically strong enough to do the same damage a man can.
That said, there are always weapons… my cousin beat her boyfriend’s face bloody with a telephone once, and served time for it. HA! Dumbass. I was living in Canada at the time and had to find that one out through the grapevine, as she was evidently not stupid enough to tell me about it herself. And her dumbass boyfriend didn’t press charges. He was an asshole, but she didn’t have the right to hit him, and, as she deserved, went to jail and is still on probation.
Vick and PETA deserve each other..they kill the same amount of animals.
Did you see my Tweet about a possible Jericho movie?
Hello, Nina! Glad to see you and your beautiful family are well.
Because we don’t know the facts and because this whole matter is entirely personal to begin with, I don’t think either one of them should lose endorsements. Should BOTH of their endorsements be suspended, pending further investigation? Absolutely. But making a final decision based on pure speculation is completely wrong, imo.
I also don’t think she should be crucified for going back to him, if that is in fact the case. The bottom line is that we don’t know what went down or why, and its clearly none of out business. Rihanna strikes me as an intelligent, savvy, independent, capable young woman (she’d have to be to have launched her career into such heights). I would think she would know whether or not going back to him was a smart decision. All I can do is trust that her judgement is sound and wish her the best. Its HER life, after all! She has a right to live it the way she wants to.
As for the impression it leaves on young women; I think its OUR jobs as women, sisters, mothers, and mentors to instill what we believe are sound morals and values into our youth. Stop charging it to these characters created for the spotlight on TV. Be the example you want them to see, so they have no reason to look anywhere else but home to figure out what kind of woman they want to be.
My two cents.
I agree with you. Before the endorsements were pulled, they should have waited until the final outcome before rushing to judgment. I agree 100% with you…”as women, sisters, mothers, and mentors to instill what we believe are sound morals and values into our youth. Stop charging it to these characters created for the spotlight on TV.” Amen!
I refuse to allow my children to idolize celebrities…they have not cured cancer or the common cold. I love Beyonce as an entertainer but honestly I do not make decisions based on what she would or would not do. It stops there.
I agree with this….very well said.
I don’t think anybody should be judging anybody in this situation. No one has walked a day in her shoes and I really think people should stop letting the media/entertainment provide role models for their kids. If you teach your kids it’s not ok to hit someone, then they won’t hit anyone. Period. I don’t think Rihanna OR Chris Brown should be held responsible for teaching kids it is or isn’t ok to lay your hands on anyone…that’s not their job. They’re here to entertain…and that’s all.
I don’t think any endorsements should be taken away permanetly until when or IF someone gets convicted. A lot of people forget that little saying in our legal system. “Innocent until proven guilty”
Except for OJ.
I wasn’t going to comment on this, but after reading some of the responses, I have to.
1. All Barbadians do not dislike being called Barbadians. Some actually dislike “Bajan”. (trivial point, but I couldn’t help myself) I personally don’t care once the form used is pronounced correctly.
2. Lower class women in Barbados are known for their temper. So are lower class women in America, Jamaica, United Kingdom, etc. Please do not tar all Barbadian women with one abusive brush. Shame on ANY Bajan who portrays us in that light. Shame.
3. We do not know the story.
4. I am horrified that some people think she should be chastized for going back to Chris Brown. Are you serious? Abused women do not stay because of money or lack of. They stay because they are cowed and think they cannot do better/ live without the man who beats them. They stay because they truly believe their lives are worthless ….. and anyone, singer, actress or jane doe can fall victim (see that word VICTIM) to that frame of mind. Sure, she’s educated, has money and she can “do better”, but if she doesn’t hit the point where she sees what’s happening she will never walk away.
I wonder if any of you judging her decision have ever been abused.
Now, I personally can not stand “Rhi Rhi” and her nasal droning, but damnit, if the allegations of abuse are true and she has gone back she should be supported, not torn down because by tearing at her you are perpetuating the process.
As for sponsors? That is their decision. If they do not feel see portrays their image, fine, pull the cash.
Ok, I just gotta say that I don’t think class has anything to do with temper. Neither does nationality. I was sharing a comment from Donny’s co-worker because I found it interesting and comical that she would immediately go there upon hearing what happened to Rihanna.
I think there are a myriad of reasons that women stay in all levels of abusive relationships. At the heart of most of them, is the reason usually psychological? Sure. But sometimes, well sometimes, we give stupidity a pass. Sometimes, women know better and still do wrong. Sometimes, there’s ego involved. My ex-husband and I used to get into fights that could have ended with me getting slapped up. He was terribly verbally abusive and I stayed. Why? Because most times, I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Or at least I thought I didn’t.
Being abused doesn’t give you the only right to an opinion, and the question is, “If we all admit that we don’t know the facts, but we accept that he lost endorsements without said fact based on the company’s claims that they now don’t agree with his image/message, what does that say about Rihanna’s decision to forgive him?”
I’m sorry, but I do not agree that she should be supported simply because to not do so would be perpetuating the process. How about some personal responsibility? So, are you saying that society should be like, “Um, yeah, he beat your ass, but if you forgive him, we’ll stand by?” And if he does it again? And again? I think burying your head in the sand and turning a blind eye perpetuates the cycle.
There is personal responsibility, there is also fear and shame. We also WANT to believe that the person we love will change and not do what was done before. Is this stupid? To an outsider, yes, to you? You are hopeful.
I’m not saying turn a blind eye by any means but crucifying her is not the answer either. The ideal way to handle something like this is to offer information for groups for support and education, for friends and family to rally around the person and let them know that they have somewhere to turn, as I understand her father has done. (that of course, could be another rag story)
This is not the ideal situation, her “status” takes away the ability to handle this privately. I’m not saying champion the fact she went back, when I say support her I don’t mean by waving a banner and shouting “Hurrah”, I mean by not down crying her actions. You don’t kick someone when they are down.
AS I said before. If she no longer portrays the image the sponsors want to project then, by all means, pull the funds. Their decision.
I gotta say. I was abused. Like get my ass beat to a pulp every single week. dinner not the right temperature? break my nose. Left the Sunday paper on the coffee table after noon…punch me in the face.
I let this go on for YEARS. So many trips to the hospital I can not even tell you the number.
What made me leave. I had a kid and wised up.
So yeah, I think I have a right to be judgmental.
That girl has enough people around her that she KNOWS there are alternatives to living in this situation.
She is choosing to stay with someone that abuses her. She will continue to stay until she is ready to leave.
Until then she is stupid.
He keeps beating her in the face they way those pictures showed and endorsement deals will be a non issue for her anyway.
Glad to hear you wised up and left….but I’m surprised you are not more sympathetic with Rihanna considering….knowing the physcological reasoning for her staying. It’s easy to call her stupid for staying. I’m sure I’ve said it but it’s not about stupidity. You should know that. Women who stay w/men (vice versa) are not stupid, seriously. There are way more issues to it than that. I do sympathize with her because she’s young, thinks she’s in love, easily manipulated and has some self esteem issues. She doesn’t have the right kind of people around her. Why she doesn’t surround herself with her family like other female pop stars is weird. Look at Britney before her dad stepped in.
Again, why are we giving stupidity a pass?
Why is it so hard for us to believe the POSSIBILITY that she knows better, but she is CHOOSING to return for no other reason than she wants to? Not all abused people have some deep-seeded “issue” at the core. Sometimes, just maybe, stupid is enough of a reason.
Like Chris Rock asked, “Whatever happened to crazy?” I gotta wonder, “Whatever happened to stupid?”
I guess for me stupid is too easy with her situation. I’m sure she knows better but I think her age, the people she has surrounded herself with, Chris and just negative people in her ear. People are probably putting so much pressure on her to move on because of the millions of dollars at stack. She’s still weak for him and she is allowing herself to be manipulated for his benefit and the label’s benefit. Prior to this beat down, they (rumor) were already broken up. They had not been photographed in weeks together. Rihanna went to Disney World right before the Grammys and was photographed by herself looking mad sad. Chris was photographed during this time partying it up with various females. I believe Chris was moving on and they both were pressured by their labels for appearance sack to attend the Grammys together and things got out of hand and he beat her up. Now Chris and the labels are trying to save his career and continue to make money off of them both and I believe they’re pressuring Rihanna to do the “right thing”. If she forgives him well everyone else will follow.
It could be stupidity. I’ve called her stupid. But then again we don’t know what is really going down with that situation. There are so many rumors circulating. Maybe there was a car accident as previously reported. Could Rihanna seriously be that stupid? I don’t know but for some woman it’s not just stupidity.
I gotta agree here.
I do not feel that stupidity is a good enough reason.
This is not the 50’s where domestic abuse was hush hush. We are living in 2009 here. Every where you go there are phone numbers to shelters (public bathrooms, billboards, on the sides of busses, etc). ANY time you go to the emergency room, no matter what for, one of the questions that you are asked is if you don’t “feel safe” with anyone in your life. Children are taught about physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, mental abuse as early as elementary school.
The bottom line is that she DOES know better. This is not a class issue, this is not a race issue, this is not an age issue. She is not financially dependent on him, she is not married to him, she does not have children with him, she has multiple friends and family members who are more than willing to step in to help her out. She is making a CHOICE to go back to him.
Although we do not know the specifics of what happened that night, and we may not know who threw the first punch but reality is that girl was beat to a pulp and Chris Brown had not a scratch on himself. As I said already, I am kinda torn between my feelings regarding this, but whatever my feelings are, they are mine and not to sound rude to Fiona but her comment about “I wonder if any of you judging her decision have ever been abused.” I really do not think that has anything to do with it. Also, making a blanket statement about “Lower class women in Barbados are known for their temper. So are lower class women in America, Jamaica, United Kingdom, etc.” is kinda narrow minded. Not ALL lower class women are known for their tempers and to categorize ALL women who may not be completely financially stable like that makes you sound a bit ignorant.
“1. All Barbadians do not dislike being called Barbadians. Some actually dislike “Bajan”. (trivial point, but I couldn’t help myself) I personally don’t care once the form used is pronounced correctly.”
I apologize if you found that term offensive however I said it in reference to what I know from my share of friends and associates of bajan descent. ALL of which dislike “barbadian.” I never said all people who are from Barbados but I see where it might have caused offense. So for that I apologize.
“4. I am horrified that some people think she should be chastized for going back to Chris Brown. Are you serious? Abused women do not stay because of money or lack of. They stay because they are cowed and think they cannot do better/ live without the man who beats them. They stay because they truly believe their lives are worthless ….. and anyone, singer, actress or jane doe can fall victim (see that word VICTIM) to that frame of mind. Sure, she’s educated, has money and she can “do better”, but if she doesn’t hit the point where she sees what’s happening she will never walk away.
I wonder if any of you judging her decision have ever been abused”
I agree she fell victim to that sort of thought process if thats what she is thinking but that is not ALL women who end up thinking that way. She(as well as other women who stay in abusive relationships) could simply be thinking “Hey I love him and for that, Ill forgive him.” We dont know. Fact is that a lot of women stay not because they have no where to go but because they feel their emotions and bond with their mate is enough to be able to forgive them, doubting it’ll reoccur.
I havent really judged her decision because obviously we dont know the facts but personally, i dont think she should have returned to CB. She has money, she has places to go, she CAN do better. And if you consider that last statement a judgment I just want to let you know that I have been in a situation where I was verbally and physically abused, not by a spouse but by my father. I, at the time, didnt have anywhere to go and had to suck it up (because of my age, no job, no legal way to make ends meet on my own) Now things are fine, but if I find myself somehow in that situation again, I know I have options.
Cover Girl could make a new ad for this…”When I’ve taken a beating, I just apply my easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl”.
lmao…. you know you’re wrong for that…lol
LOL… That was wrong, wrong wrong. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help it. I’ve been on that side of the tracks before so I am not taking the issue at hand lightly, but JustC cracked me up.
Also, gotta say, I agree with MassDaddy, a few posts below this reply… She’ll be paying for that decision soon enough, as unfortunate as it is. Let’s hope next time she chooses more wisely. It’s too bad there’s got to be a next time, but I doubt this is the first time Chris Brown has ever done this. It’s a shame. Truly.
I think both of them should have to give back all their money for making shitty music.
c/s
Vince, that’s brilliant.
what does c/s mean?
co-sign…..sorry thought I was texting.
Ha ha got it, glad that there is some support of this campaign. And its not limited to these two. All artists who put out crap should be held accountable. Fall Out Boy, the Simpson sisters, the Jonas Brother and Snoop Dog are just a few on a very long list.
@Vince..totally agree…Snoop fell off bigtime!
No one should be punished for forgiving someone.
Her losing her endorsements by forgiving someone would be retarded.
I agree with you sweetheart, but forgiving is one thing… going back for some more is another.
He wigged out and beat her ass… she turned around and forgave him for it. You don’t think he’s going to do it again the next time he’s high, drunk, pissed off or bored?
Let her keep her endorsements, she’ll be paying for her decision soon enough.
Nice blog. I have a simple opinion on this. You get beat and you go back to the guy do NOT come crying back and wanting us to feel bad for you. She doesn’t deserve to get hit no one does. But she has a choice to go back or not and she has now made a choice. I hope little girls and women do not look up at that move and do the same thing. It doesn’t happen just once. It will happen over and over again. All she is saying by going back is go ahead i give you permission to hit me or to destroy whatever you may want to destroy because i’m not going anywhere.
I’m a firm believer that people treat you the way you allow them to. If you let people treat you like a toilet, don’t be surprised when they shit on you.
Absolutely! A man will only do what a woman allows him to (and v/v). I don’t want to seem like I’m bashing men because I know statistics say men are abused as well.
Yes, just ask Donny.
LOL
exactly i agree with you on that one totally
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me!
I’d pull the plug on the sponsorships if it were my brand she were representing. I also won’t be sympathizing with her ass if he does it again. Call me heartless. Tell me I don’t understand abuse. Whatever. The fact of the matter is, he did it, she knows he’s capable of it, and she herself made the decision that she’s willing to accept that kind of behavior or she wouldn’t have gone back to him. I’m not saying she likes it but if it were unacceptable, she wouldn’t have gone back.
I’m not sure what my position on the endorsements is, really. I know I’m bothered in general at the obscene amount of money celebrities get for endorsements, so that has to be influencing my opinion.
That being said, I’m really disappointed in Rihanna’s choice. I have professional (and some personal) experience working with domestic violence, and I agree with you that women stay with their abusers for many reasons, unfortunately one of them being plain old stupidity.
And yeah, forgiveness might be a beautiful thing, but I think it’s coming a bit too soon. If she’s going to forgive him, it ought to come after more than just promises to change from him. Like a sustained commitment to some form of counseling.
Very thought provoking… and you make some great points, things I hadn’t considered.
One thought on the other side: wouldn’t punishing both the victim and the perpetrator just magnify a cycle of silence that already exists in domestic violence cases?
But then it goes back to personal responsibility. Do we ignore the poor choices people make?
this is funny and wrong
http://www.liquidgeneration.com/content/extras/garbagefailkids_card_rihanna.jpg
Donny, I’ma beat YOUR ass.
They could. But they won’t. They won’t pull her endorsements because people would say they are punishing the victim. I think they should. I think she gives off a worse message now than he ever could…
Her actions state “It is ok to let your significant other beat your ass.”
He will serve time (Doubtfully), she will just get her ass beat again. I HATE to be that way, but when you grow up having your mom’s man beat your ass and hers, you feel bad for them the first time, but the second is all on them.
I think companies should choose their spokespeople more carefully. Maybe this wouldn’t be an issue.
I also think Rihanna should submit to psychological testing alone with the twits from PETA.
We saw the pics of her face, we may not know the details but that was enough for me. If she is back with him, as reported, she needs some serious help.
Not sure what I feel about her endorsements. I know that if I had a daughter, I wouldn’t want her looking up to Rihanna. But she is a victim in all this.
I think a man should never hit a woman. The ONLY exceptions: if she is MUCH larger and stronger (like she has a Black belt and is a total bad ass), or she is armed and could seriously harm or kill him.
Judging by the seriousness of her injuries and his apparent lack of injury, I’d say that he was out of line and went crazy on her. No matter what she said or did to him, she did not deserve to be hit at all. She is much smaller than he is and clearly was not able to defend herself.
I think it was a horrible mistake for her to take him back, but we all know that it’s a common mistake many women victims of abuse make.
I think her poor judgment is unfortunate. She is more deserving of pity than anger. She is a victim. No matter how wealthy or famous she is, she still is capable of suffering a great deal and getting seriously hurt by a man that claims to love her.
Look at Tina Turner – how many times did Ike beat the shit out of her until she had the nerve to leave him? Sometimes it takes a while for a woman to get the courage to leave. I think women in these positions need support, advocates, and compassion rather than condemnation.
But I’m a bleeding heart. I also had an abusive boyfriend. He never beat me, but threatened to kill me, verbally abused me, broke into and destroyed my apartment, harassed me, and stalked me. It was a nightmare and I was terrified of him.
I forgot to mention, this situation has been a great teaching opportunity with my teen son. His friends, of course, have all come to Chris Brown’s defense. Either because they haven’t been taught any better, or they are in denial and can’t imagine that someone they admire could be so sick. The boys were all saying that she gave him an STD and that is why he beat her. (Seriously, middle schoolers are idiots) I was able to enlighten Eli and send him back to school armed with lots of truths to share.
Why are we suddenly turning on Rihanna? The best info available at this point is that she was the victim of a crime. Why should she lose her livelihood? This role model/spokesperson thing can be very dicey. How many victims are going to want to come forward once they’ve seen her suffer for it.
I don’t know what I think about that, but I think she’s a dumb shit for going back to him. But like someone else said, she’ll be paying for that soon enough. It’s kind of sad.
I ought to beat Rhiannas ass for having me feel sorry for her.
Oh, she’ll be paying soon enough. He’ll be tagging that ass again real soon. And the next time around, no one is going to take her side. Its gonna just be “‘tolja so!”
I don’t get it, I couldn’t even fathom the idea of going back to someone who beat me like that..even if I did still have feelings for them my pride alone wouldn’t let me go back!
I think out of all of this the thing that irritates me the most is she of all woman has every single resource available at her fingertips to help her get out of a unhealthy situation like that and she’s choosing not to. I can’t help but think of all the women out there practically trapped in an abusive relationship, with almost no way out. So when I think of it that way I’d like to see all of her endorsements ripped out from under her!
Truthfully though they’re both really young, and only they know what happened that night, but I think it’s pretty safe to say from almost all perspectives that it’s not a healthy relationship.
I don’t know if I really care about her endorsements. I don’t take it for granted that because someone endorses something that he is a morally-sound individual, and I hope that if I ever have kids, neither will they.
What I do find regrettable is this: celebrities and other VPPs (very public personages) have been shamed into changing relatively superficial aspects of their lifestyles in response to a bit of tabloid critism. You’ve got VPPs starving themselves and supporting charities and making retractions/apologies/disclaimers and trading in their vehicles/hair colors/political affiliations so that people will respect and like them. There is incredible pressure to be respected and liked. So where is the pressure on Rhianna to DTMFA, press charges, and start going around to public high schools and giving speeches on preventing and reporting domestic abuse? This is a perfect opportunity for her, as a VPP, to gain some cause-cred AND potentially save lives.
My momma always told me that the first time a man lays his hand on you, you get out of that situation immediately, because if you let him hit you once, he will certainly hit you twice, and there’s never telling when that last beat-down will be the one you won’t get up from.
I feel like Rhianna is being extremely selfish and irresponsible–not only with her own life, but those of others who will follow in her example. IMO she might as well be fucking ADVOCATING domestic abuse–and heroin, or cocaine, or playing with firearms, or driving drunk without a seatbelt, any other very dangerous behavior that may result in injury and/or death.
Fail.
I have a friend in a similar situation at the moment. Her S/O has beaten her black and blue, broken her thumb in fits of temper. But she’s forgiven him every time. And she’s such a strong, beautiful woman. Her reasoning is that she loves him and he wants to change. There are no children, they don’t live together, she isn’t financially defendant on him, and they aren’t married.
But what is her father suppose to do? Both my friend and Rihanna are making a choice. They are choosing to place that person in their life. They are choosing to place themselves in a dangerous situation. Nothing you say or do will make them see the light. They have to decide. It’s very frustrating. But I can understand Rihanna’s father. I do not agree with what either of them are doing. You can forgive someone without placing yourself back into the line of fire. “I understand it was an accident and a one time thing Chis/whomever, and I forgive you. However, I am choosing to not to put myself in a situation in which those kinds of “accidents” and “mistakes” are likely to occer” Tada!
But you can’t make the victim make that choice or say those words. In the end, these women are responsible for their own actions and choices, victim or not. All you can do is be there for them when/if they fall.
In regards to the endorsements, if the celebrity does not portray the image you are trying to achieve for your product, you change the celebrity or the image. Simple as that. If the companies decide Rihanna is not the correct face for what they are trying to put across, so be it. It’s their millions. I don’t buy the product for the celebrity anyway.
Sorry for the novel, Nina.
No problem. Thanks for sharing that and you made some good points.
I have no opinion when it comes to this situation because we don’t know the real facts of what went on and may never know. You hear rumors she cheated with Jay-Z, she gave him herpes, she was jeajous and started the fight, he hit her, he was defending himself, etc, etc, etc.
It’s unfortunate that during this time they both (rather than just Chris) didn’t lose their endorsements until the case was settled. We live in a society where we’re guilty until proven innocent when it’s supposed to be the other way around.
I wish them both happiness and success in their futures whether it be together or apart.
i dont know if this has been said but he was charged with two felonies. And although i dont agree with her choice to go back with him we have to realize something… its HER life. WE cant choose what she should or shouldnt do— she is young and will soon come to realize that he isnt the right guy for her and you would think something like this would let her know that but –its hard i guess. I know i believed everything my daughter’s dad told me [he didnt fuck me up like that but he did cheat] and i knew i could do so much better but when you love someone thats all you see. Soon enough she should be able to open her eyes.
The details of that night were released today and he fucked her up … i mean ive never cringed that much while reading something. It just sucks thats she couldnt see hes not worth it. they are saying that cb tipped off the paparazzi to take pics. of them together because that way the public will forgive him if she has. I personally can no longer support someone capable of doing what he did.
screw her, michael phelps and taco bell.