BIOBaby: Breastfeeding in Public
March 10, 2009 by nina
Filed under Blog It Out, Baby
The public breastfeeding debate has been going on for quite awhile now, and I’ve pretty much kept out of it because it’s one of those things where my attitude had been, “People who make a big deal out of this are stupid.” I admit it. Overall, I felt that people who complained really needed to find other things to occupy their time.
A short conversation with Donny a few weeks ago forced me to look a little deeper. He came into the bedroom and asked me, “Would you breastfeed Jack in public?”
“Yes, why?”
“That’s gross.”
I almost slapped him in the head with a nursing bra. Feeding his son is gross?
He goes on to tell me about a coworker coming from the bathroom, and passing an area in Home Depot where customers are allowed to, I don’t know, measure stuff. Anyway, a woman had taken advantage of this quiet spot to breastfeed her baby. The coworker said that the woman wasn’t covered up.
There are too many layers to this for me to say, “I feel this way and that’s that!” I think it needs to be broken down.
1. Breasts were made for nursing. Period. It’s their sole function for women. If you choose never to have a baby, then you won’t lactate. You will only use your breasts for the side benefits that come with having them; filling out a shirt nicely, pleasing your partner sexually, earning a few bucks, etc. (God, I hope the newbies realize that the last bit was a joke.)
Using your breasts for the reason God gave them to you, in my opinion, is never gross. This isn’t to slam mothers who chose not to breastfeed, but I don’t think anyone can argue that of breast milk and formula, breast milk is the healthier option. There’s a reason pediatricians tell nursing mothers that even water isn’t a necessity when feeding newborns. Breast milk has everything they need. As we continue to break this down, you will never be able to convince me that breastfeeding in public is gross. Some other words maybe, but not gross.
2. Now’s the time when it would be helpful to make a flow chart. Define “in public.” Does it matter if the woman is covered or are you offended even if she’s using a blanket or some other form of cover?
Some people are truly offended if a woman is nursing her child in public even if she’s covered! I don’t get that, and if you’re one of those people, I invite you to share your feelings below to help me understand.
If I’m in a restaurant and Jack gets fussy and/or hungry, I don’t see the big deal in covering up and feeding him at the table. This pretty much goes for any public place; as long as I’m covered.
For the most part, nursing mothers are prepared and well-organized. You Moms know what I’m talking about, even if you’re not nursing. We leave the house with more supplies than a soldier going off to battle. A mother worth her salt has a diaper bag bulging at the seams with bottles, formula, diapers, wipes, bibs, extra clothing, toys, lotions, blankets, etc. I can’t imagine, if given a choice, most nursing women choosing to whip out a tit for everyone to see in order to feed their child.
But if they do, I can see where this would make some… heck, maybe even most people uncomfortable and offended. Kevin, a friend of mine/my web guru, brought up a good point; he doesn’t want his kid seeing it. Never mind that he doesn’t have kids, but I saw what he meant. It can be pretty uncomfortable explaining to your kid why the lady at the next table has her boob out. On the other side of that though, what’s wrong with just explaining breast feeding to your child?
When I asked Donny, “Why gross?”
“OK, maybe not gross, but why wouldn’t you just go in the bathroom? Why would you want men seeing your boobs?”
You know, I don’t have the answer to that. My only thought is that when you are breast feeding, you tend to forget that your boobs are objects of lust. Seriously. I’ve had a boob out and not even known it. I am notorious for forgetting to pull my bra flap up after nursing Jack, and the other day I walked past the big gallery window with my left tit justa hangin’ out. I don’t even feel it! They’re not sex objects at that moment. To me, it’s no different than leaving the cap off the milk!
I’m sure there are women out there wanting to prove a point, so they’ll whip out a boob to feed their child just to prove they can. I am not that woman. In fact, I’m hard pressed to find a situation in which I’d be forced to nurse Jack in public, without any cover. I totally would (I’m not gonna let my baby go hungry for anyone), but I think the chances of me having to are highly unlikely.
But if I did, I don’t want to be labeled as gross. Inappropriate? Sure, to some. But it’s not gross. And I would hope that people nearby would cut me some slack and realize that I’m just trying to feed my child, not make a statement.
So, what are your thoughts? Does it bother you to see a woman nursing in public even if she’s covered? Why? What are some alternatives? How would you explain a nursing woman to your kids?
Nina is a 34-year-old mother, wife and writer who spends her days blogging, studying, changing diapers and watching ridiculous amounts of TV. She currently resides in Atlanta, Georgia, with her husband, two children and three TiVos.
First of all, ask Donny if HE likes to eat in a grody bathroom?
Second of all, I think it is fine to nurse in public. I have nursed both Leo and Zoe out in public. What I mean by public is anywhere that is not home. Restaurants, malls, outdoor shopping centers, and an airplane. I was always discreet about it, but damned if I wasn’t going to feed my child because someone might deem it inappropriate. And by discreet, I mean I was either covered with a blanket or sling. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to know that I was holding a baby and what he was doing under there, but if you don’t like what you see after that first glimpse, then by all means, avert your eyes or walk away.
Kudos to anyone who knows what movie the following quote is from:
“Put that titty away, Adele.”
I am enjoying immensely your use of the word, grody!! yep yep
Cassie, I’ve been meaning to tell you that my Granddaddy is from LA. I’m gonna get the city and get back to you.
COOL BEANS!!!
Totally agree about the public bathroom. I mean, THAT’S what would be disgusting. When I breast-fed, I tried to be discreet, b/c I knew some people were weird about it, but I agree, my boobs never felt sexy when I was nursing.
my thoughts EXACTLY!
well said!
I do get a little put off by it, BUT, I never would complain about it! I always say, “If you don’t like it, don’t look at it!!” If I don’t want to see, I’ll just change my line of sight!!!! I would much rather a woman breastfeed than have a screaming baby in my vicinity….so there will be no complaints from me!!!
I like your reasoning. LOL
lol
I’ve never nursed in public. I would always pump milk and put it in a bottle. If a mother wants to nurse in public, go right ahead. Life isn’t going to stop because a woman is nursing….I mean what’s the big deal….we’ve all seen a tit before.
I’ve heard that more places are creating designated nursing stations, even Disneyworld. We’ll have to ask Tralfaz if he saw any while he was there.
I’m pretty sure Tralfaz didn’t see any titties at DisneyWorld.
WRONG! I saw SEVERAL titties. Most had babies attached. One set was flashing on Splash Mountain for the camera.
HAHAHAHAHA
“we’ve all seen a tit before.”
Thats actually my reasoning. Im not bothered by the fact that your breastfeeding in public. It isnt gross or disgusting to me. Just sometimes inappropriate as you mentioned in your blog. Its a natural part of life, so it really doesnt bother me in the slightest. And like the person above me said, “we’ve all seen a tit before.”
Women AND men have tits. Whether one is more attractive than the other is a whole other issue but overall we all seen titties so whats the difference between a woman putting them to their actual and “sole purpose” in public instead of their home? There really shouldnt be a problem with this.
BTW I was wondering since you brought this subject up, how do you feel about the whole facebook issue with deafult pictures that show breastfeeding?
Rogue, I’ve been super busy today, so I missed your last question. I wasn’t aware there was a Facebook to-do!
I think it boils down to having mutual respect for both sides’ positions. I don’t have to agree that it’s inappropriate, or gross, to UNDERSTAND how it makes others uncomfortable, and it’s my right to nurse the way I want to.
Lol dont worry about being late hon. I know youre 1 very busy woman!!! =) Im just glad you answered. I was pretty curious if you knew what I was talking about.
The facebook thing was actually maybe several weeks to a couple months ago. Pretty recent. It was on the news here in NY. I see your point though. Its definitely about the mutual respect for both sides to it and your right as to how you choose to nurse your child.
It comes down to being decent and appropriate. The problem with breast feeding in public (without cover) is that regardless of why God gave women boobs, not all people use them that way or view them for that purpose. Just because something is natural doesn’t mean that it’s publicaly appropriate. We don’t use the bathroom out in the open. Well, maybe some do. But society as a whole does not accept such behavior. I think there has been a lot of positive progress for breast feeding in public such as stores dedicating special rooms for nursing mothers. I’ve even seen churches create a special place for nursing mothers. And if more women breast fed and people were used to seeing a coverd mother nursing her child in public it wouldn’t make as many people squeamish. I nursed 2 out of my 4 kids and very rarely was I forced to do it in public. And those few times I either excused myself to the bathroom or the car. And I covered up. I think if a woman makes no effort to cover up then she is doing for show or to make a point or to dare someone to say something to her. And in a restaurant, I think it’s more “appropriate” to excuse yourself from the table.
Sorry for the long ramble, just wanted to share my thoughts.
My point about why we have breasts wasn’t to address what is socially acceptable, just that it’s a natural bodily function that isn’t gross. Hell, even going to the bathroom isn’t gross, unless you’re like… you know, R. Kelly.
I agree about the bare-breast nursing seeming to be more about making a statement.
We can agree to disagree about the restaurant. I would much rather discreetly nurse in a sling or under a blanket at the table than feed him in a nasty bathroom. However, he’s at the age now where he likes to slap the blanket away like, “Hey, it’s hot under here! What’s with this damn blanket all of a sudden?!”
I do agree with you regarding the term “gross.”
LOL at the R Kelly remark.
Hey, I don’t want my blooming onion to get cold!
So here’s the deal: my 10 month old has finally lost all patience for nursing with a big fat blanket over his head. He will claw his way out of any discreet covering. He has refused to take a bottle since he learned how to latch properly – my $270 breast pump gathers dust in the corner of the bedroom.
You’re telling me that my one and only option is to not nurse in public?
Ha! I hear you, girl.
Breast feeding at the restaurant table is just bad manners.
I don’t mind breastfeeding in public. It never has bothered me and even when I’ve had to do it i just did what I had to do. As a mother you can descern your childs cries and you know what the hunger one sounds like. Often nursing moms will attempt to put off nursing in public as much as possible. I’ve told my husband, sisters, whomever we gotta hurry cause the baby is getting fussy, stopped shopping, stayed in the car, etc to avoid being seen by other people.
There was only one time while having to nurse in public I didn’t care if the whole world saw my tit I was just trying to feed my kid. But I usually am covered even when at home i cover up. (i learned with my 1st child that the baby will pull the blanket off because they don’t associate that with nursing if nots usually done) I have covers by hotslings (check out http://www.hotslings.com) that look like ponchos (sweater wrap,etc)that are very stylish. And when worn with a coordinating outfit noone knows what it’s true use is for.
Anywho, my husband does not agree with nursing in public and was disturbed when I nursed our son in public (mind you this is the man who thinks the pizza delivery guy is checking me out and won’t let me pay for dinner when it arrives at the door (thats if im not dressed as he says appropriately). He had asked before would I but had never actually seen me do it until then. I think he is very territorial and doesn’t want any other man getting his rocks off looking at his wife.
I’ve explained nursing to my kids and have heard them have conversations with one another about how their brother “eats from mommy’s boobie”. They were 5 and 3 at the time. But again their dad disagreed with me when I told him that I had educated the girls on breastfeeding.
I say it’s normal, naturalle, and no bothering anybody. If you don’t like it then stop looking and gawking cus yes that woman really is doing what you think she is.
My kids
I totally agree it’s not gross, but I wonder about propriety. I don’t buy the sole function argument for a couple of reasons, the first of which is that I’m not sure I agree they only have one; nipples are sensitive enough to classify as erogenous zones, so they do have some role in sex/foreplay. In fact, I think the only organ with only a single function is the clitoris, which exists solely for pleasure. Though one could argue whether it just evolved that way deliberately or not.
But even being a natural bodily function…well, sure, but so is anything one can do with one’s body. Pissing is a natural bodily function, but we still go off somewhere private to do it. Of course, you could easily make the argument that one is nourishing where as the other is waste, but as a hypothetical, what if women weren’t the only ones who could nurse? What if male semen were nourishing enough to support a child?
I don’t know, really. But if I ever saw a woman nursing, I’d simply avert my eyes.
And Kevin doesn’t -have- kids, does he?
Ultimately I think it comes down to the fact that society needs to be less puritanical and uptight as a whole. If restrooms have changing stations, why wouldn’t most places a mother might be not have some separate space where they might privately nurse? Also, all that said: would waiting to get home cause the kid to starve? Doubtful.
So far as the Facebook version of this debate; the thing there is it’s a private website, and they can do whatever they want.
“Also, all that said: would waiting to get home cause the kid to starve? Doubtful.”
Yeah, we don’t even want me to go there in how I would respond to someone implying I should wait till I got home.
Yeah but don’t you see you are pushing your beliefs and social mores on someone else. That is the problem. There are places that you can be discreet in feeding your child it doesn’t have to be done in a restaurant or in public.
The “MY KID is hungry and he HAS to eat” line is bullshit. I didn’t ask you to have a kid, I didn’t tell you to bring your kid out in public, so why should I have to be subjected to you feeding your kid? Milk yourself and dump it into a bottle and bring it with you if you know you are going to be out for awhile and junior is going to have a hankering for some food.
Just because you squeezed a kid out of your vagina doesn’t mean society has to take it up the ass and have their time out ruined because you blessed the world with a kid. It is total bullshit.
Also FUCK expectant mother parking.
If I’m feeding my child, what exactly are you being subjected to?
“Milk yourself and dump it into a bottle and bring it with you if you know you are going to be out for awhile and junior is going to have a hankering for some food.”
Um, I’m not a cow. Cows get milked. Mothers pump, mister. And for your information, I breastfed exclusively and did not give my child a bottle. Does that mean that b/c I chose to do that, my child and I can never leave the house lest he might need to be fed? Come on, Kevin. You can’t be serious… can you?
I am subjected to seeing your sloppy tit come out and your kid latching on making that sucking sound especially in an inappropriate place (restaurant, movie theater, etc.)
Would you want to see a fat guy on the beach wearing a speedo? Or perhaps a young couple making and dry humping on a park bench? Or a dude picking his nose while you eat? All of them fall into the breast feeding class. Sure they aren’t illegal but I don’t want to see any of it. Just because people are “feeding” a kid doesn’t make it any better.
It has gotten to the point where parents in this country have this entitlement that is mind boggling to me. I am picking on breast feeding because that is the topic today but this whole “f it we have kids you have to deal with it” attitude is disgusting.
You didn’t give them a bottle the entire time??? Your milk alone was enough to satisfy them? How long did you breast feed for?
I pumped for my daughter, but for my son, he got two bottles of pumped milk total. Bottle #1 was given when I took a cake decorating class, at Nina’s suggestion. Bottle #2 was given for a “Big Sister is feeding me!” photo op.
I started giving him food at 6 months.
See, it sounds like you have some deep-seated titty issues. Perhaps you want to share with the class?
Expectant mother parking is the shit! I miss it. In fact, I may still try to get away with it with my fat ass. Just add a waddle to my step.
Actually I think he is one of those people who hadnt their childhood so much they hate kids. It amazes me how grown men especially have a vile attitude toward children and mothers as if they were never kids themselves and their mothers didnt do for them what they hate seeing now…
or maybe thats the problem, Kevin’s mom gave him formula and now he hates the world
I love my childhood and I love kids. You don’t know shit about me.
I just think it is inconsiderate to just whip your tit out and feed your kid in public. It is classless.
*Has stuck gut out and parked in expectant parking*
lololol I ain’t going to lie….I straight parked my car in a spot like that at Babies R Us the other day to run in and get out. There was a dude staring at me funny….but I didn’t even care. Hey, don’t judge me…they didn’t have that when I was prego!
But yeah, as for BIP…I am good with all that. I never did it and most likely never will. Just my personal opinion, but I don’t judge women who do. The only time I breastfed anywhere outside of the home was when I first started and experienced latch on problems, so I went to a La Leche meeting and the lady in charge straight whipped my breast out in front of everyone (including the other new moms’ embarrassed as hell husbands)!!
Kevin,
Is your issue that you think woman are not discreet with it and you don’t want to see someone’s tit? Or is it the whole breastfeeding in public thing in general?
I have a laundry list of stuff here. To sum it up it is about respect for your fellow human.
I don’t think people are discreet about it and act like everybody should be ok with it if they choose to feed in public. Personally I have a rule I go by in my life. Basically I don’t give a shit what you do until it impacts other people. If you want to dress like Rainbow Bright and have sex with stuffed animals while wearing a Richard Nixon at home that is fine. You want to worship Satan or Tom Cruise, so be it.
But when you go out in public and do things that infringe on my ability to mind my own business and be able to be comfortable where I am at then I have a problem. Whether it is you telling me I am going to hell because I don’t believe the same things or you getting in my face because I wouldn’t sign a petition or even you wearing something completely inappropriate for your body type. Because I am sure if I am slightly uncomfortable with something there is a much higher % of people in the room that are bugged by it.
The thing is I am sure most people feel the same way. But when it comes to breast feeding for some reason people become completely irrational just because they have a kid. “The kid HAS to eat.” Or “It is the human body there is nothing to be ashamed of.” Well you know maybe I don’t want my hypothetical kid seeing that and having to explain to him what is going on. Maybe I don’t want my meal ruined by your inability to know where to take your kid and where not to. I’ve seen women pull their breast out on a plane, in a nice restaurant, and in a movie theater during an R rate movie. There is this entitlement with parents now that they don’t have to change their life because they have a kid or we should accept rude behavior because a kid is involved… that drives me insane.
Sure not ALL mothers flop their tit out and let the kid go to town but I have seen enough that do. It is about having class and respecting the people around you. The position that “you can’t have your child starve” and that it is natural so we should all just deal with it is bullshit.
To Kevin:
“To sum it up it is about respect for your fellow human.”
- Id like to know how breastfeeding in public is disrespectful.
“I don’t think people are discreet about it and act like everybody should be ok with it if they choose to feed in public. Personally I have a rule I go by in my life. Basically I don’t give a shit what you do until it impacts other people.”
- I’m trying to figure out how me breastfeeding (IF I had a child…) would impact you. Me going about my business feeding my child should not bother you. Would it bother you if you saw ANOTHER MAMMAL breastfeeding their offspring? Again, it shouldn’t.
“But when you go out in public and do things that infringe on my ability to mind my own business and be able to be comfortable where I am at then I have a problem.”
- My issue with this statement is the infringement on your ability to mind your business. NOWHERE IN BREASTFEEDING MY CHILD AM I SAYING “HEY, LOOK @ MY TITS!!!” I’m simply just feeding my kid.
“The thing is I am sure most people feel the same way.”
- You’re correct but it doesn’t make it right. There’s probably a good thousand people who agree but it ISNT RIGHT. It’s pretty fucked up to think like that about something natural.
“But when it comes to breast feeding for some reason people become completely irrational just because they have a kid. “The kid HAS to eat.” Or “It is the human body there is nothing to be ashamed of.””
- How is this irrational???
“Well you know maybe I don’t want my hypothetical kid seeing that and having to explain to him what is going on.”
- What is so difficult about telling your hypothetical child “Breastfeeding is the natural way in which babies eat. @ 1 point, you were in the same position with your mother.(considering that his/her mother did)
“Maybe I don’t want my meal ruined by your inability to know where to take your kid and where not to.”
-Then don’t look. Its really that simple. Do not bother or agitate yourself by looking.
“There is this entitlement with parents now that they don’t have to change their life because they have a kid or we should accept rude behavior because a kid is involved… that drives me insane.”
- Ok granted some parents do act like their being parents gives them rights to doing some things but breastfeeding? COME ON! Deal with it. It has nothing to do with you. WHY CARE?
And rude behavior??? Really? What is so rude about breastfeeding? The part in which my breast is exposed where my nipple is being used as a feeding device or the part in which youre too busy looking???
Not being offensive, just curious.
If your time out in public can be ruined by something as inconsequential as a baby eating, it’s only because you want it to be. No one is subjecting you to anything. If you’re “seeing [a woman's] sloppy tit come out and [her] kid latching on making that sucking sound especially in an inappropriate place (restaurant, movie theater, etc.)” it’s because you’re TRYING TO. That being the case, far as I’m concerned it’s YOU who’s being disrespectful and rude, not the mother. Yes, there are exceptions, but the vast majority of breastfeeding moms just want to feed their babies and get on with the rest of their day. They’re not there to make a statement, thrust their beliefs on anyone, or put on a show. They’re meeting their child’s needs, which is exactly what they should be doing.
“Yeah, we don’t even want me to go there in how I would respond to someone implying I should wait till I got home.”
I’m just thinking, like. Okay. Crowded subway, right? A mother of a five-year-old boy. Who is whining about wanting something to eat. Eve a father of same boy. Because you can’t just magically produce a granola bar (you’re not allowed to eat or drink on a subway. Or a bus, mostly). Or at a park with the same kid. I mean, if your five-year-old kid gets hungry at Home Depot, ain’t like they have a snackbar. Or you get McDonald’s on the way home, maybe, but you’re still on the way home, and often eat it there.
As for pushing my beliefs/mores on others: fuckin’-A right I do. I don’t trust most people to be able to tie their own shoes, much less come to informed conclusions concerning any array of issues. I personally never understood the whole stork story thing, which is simply concealment for the fact that, for some reason, we actively hide valuable and necessary information from those in our care. Like I said, I don’t take much issue with mothers nursing in public; I don’t necessarily understand the -need- for it, but it’s not like it’s going to trouble my day, any. I would like not for the woman sitting next to me at a movie theater to whip out a boob for her kid while I’m enjoying a flick, but then again, I’d pay an extra couple bucks for kid-free showings, anyway (and have), and I’d hope the woman would have had the decency to leave the theater with her fussy infant in the first place.
Delovely said: “Breastfeeding is beautiful and natural”
So is masturbation, but that doesn’t mean we should all be doing it in public.
Sorry I should have clarified that. I was talking about the breast feeders pushing their beliefs not you….
ummm…I think we have very different ideas of what is beautiful and natural.
Perhaps. But does that make mine wrong and yours right, or vice-versa?
Down below, you mention telling your middle child that breasts make milk and babies drink it. Which is great. But I think it also gets to the heart of why this is a debate in the first place. Someone else mentions that some people who dislike seeing babies nursing in public turn around and bring their nephews to shoot ‘em ups, while someone else notes that all the dudes who are “put off” by breastfeeding would hoot and holler at a wet tee shirt contest.
I think the whole thing comes down to a dichotomy in society. One of the major defenses people shout to defend breastfeeding in public is that it’s not sexual, because it’s nourishing. As if being sexual would be a bad thing.
I think that’s what it comes down to. Sex is not unhealthy. Masturbation -is- beautiful and natural. Just about everything we do with our bodies is, because our bodies are beautiful and natural. Well. Some of them are, anyway. Sex is awesome. Boobs are awesome. Babies are awesome. We all live and die and curse and fuck. Few people besides Hitler die virgins. We debate whether high schools should teach sex ed but ignore the fact that most human beings begin to reach sexual maturation quite a while before high school, anyway. We vilify Nature in favor of “values” and forget that most people’s “beliefs” are just where they got lazy and stopped thinking.
Anyway, like I said, I don’t mind breastfeeding in public. I’d just avert my eyes. I respect a woman and her child’s need to nurse, but I’d also hope they’d respect my own space and life enough to be discreet about it.
Masturbation is sexual. Feeding a child is not.
Again, you say “sexual” like that might be a bad thing. I disagree.
Also: one could argue that both are related to the reproductive process (sex is creation of the young, nursing would be nourishment thereof).
I see nothing wrong with masturbation. But there are few people I want to watch doing it. Still, if I came across someone masturbating, I’d quietly excuse myself and step away with as little fuss as possible. Let ‘em enjoy it!
Same with breastfeeding.
If I were at a nice restaurant having a romantic dinner with a significant other, I’d rather the diner at the table next to mine not nurse her child. Then again, I’d also rather her not bring her child in the first place, because that’s what sitters are for. If I’m at a McDonald’s and the woman at the booth next door wants to nurse . . . well. I don’t go to McDonald’s, so that’s fine, too. I wouldn’t expect anything more out of McDonald’s diners.
Delovely said: “Breastfeeding is beautiful and natural”
“So is masturbation, but that doesn’t mean we should all be doing it in public.”
When I said that masturbation is sexual and that breastfeeding is not, it was in response to the above. You’re comparing apples and oranges.
“You’re comparing apples and oranges.”
Both are fruits. Both have internal seeds and external skins. Both grow on trees.
Now if you’d said I was comparing apples to wolverines, you might have a point.
I understand completely what you’re saying Sophie, but I get Will’s point, and it hits on my own nerve about this as well.
See, from being a breastfeeding mother, I know that you can feel during the act of nursing. Now, I don’t get turned on by it, but my uterus contracts and there is in fact sensation in your nipples. I personally don’t feel super comfortable being in close proximity of someone who is nursing any child older than a year for that fact-it’s my issue, so I just try to make myself scarce when put in that situation.
I see where you’re going with your analogy, but the difference between a hungry 5yo and a hungry baby is that the 5yo can be reasoned with, or at least distracted. Babies? Not so much.
I get the annoyance of babies/kids being places where they really have no business being, and I usually just feel sorry for them because they’re often quite miserable. But to me that has little to do with breastfeeding in public, and far more to do with poor parenting choices.
Specifically regarding the movie theatre, I would think that a mom nursing her baby before s/he got fussy (there are hunger cues that happen way before crying) would be far less disruptive to everyone than having to exit the theatre with a baby who would likely start crying before she could get out, and then have to re-enter and find her seat. Depending on the time of day, whether or not she should have the baby there at all is questionable, but I do think that just feeding the baby ASAP with as little disruption as possible is the way to go.
We should clarify that I don’t have any kids that I KNOW of.
Also I kind of raised my nephew for like three years… So that has to count for something with the whole child rearing thing.
I have to agree with Will that boobs aren’t just for feeding. I mean, without them, where would Victoria’s Secret be? Hell, WHAT would Victoria’s Secret be?
Boobs are for feeding. We just found other uses for them.
“Boobs are for feeding. We just found other uses for them.”
Technically not. Mammary glands are for feeding, because they produce milk. Males have them too, although most are not developed enough to lactate. Some do, though, and can even nurse. The “breast,” however, is an anatomical term, and they exist in males and females alike regardless of whether nursing occurs. Even gynecomastia (man boobs) is just the term for when a guy’s breasts become more developed/prominent than is usual for males.
I don’t know if that makes sense. Mammary glands not being developed enough are not the only reason men can’t produce milk. What triggers the production of milk is hormones brought on by pregnancy, no?
The introduction of the same hormones can trigger milk production in men.
Yeah, that’s what I figured, but how often would that happen?
Jumping in here…
Biologically speaking, men have nipples only because women have nipples. The same goes for the clitoris – women have it because it’s not a penis. What I mean is, the clitoris is there before the sex of the embryo is completely determined. If the embryo is male, it becomes a penis. If not, it is the clitoris. It’s kind of like a little female penis…
We have so-called erogenous zones all over our bodies. The nipple area is a sensitive and sometimes a pleasurable area – for both MEN and women. So, why are womens’ breasts the sexual ones??? What about man-boobs? Should they have to cover them up? Oh, and it is possible for men to lactate. Weird, but true.
And I do agree about the waste versus nourishment. Public defecation is dirty, stinky, and unsanitary. Breastmilk does not contaminate the surroundings. In fact, breastmilk has properties to fight infections (antibodies). It’s like Purell!
I wish man boobs were covered up. I have seen some shirtless guys who needed bras badly. No one wants to look at that in public. Leave it for your lover if you have one. Geez.
LOL
I was about to say something similar to that but opposite. If theres such an issue with breastfeeding in public, why is it ok for men to be shirtless in public? The double standard comes in, right? But because for women, breasts have become sexual related objects, its wrong for us to be shirtless even if it is for breastfeeding. Yeah… that would be the argument someone would use, huh?
That’s the new pro-breastfeeding slogan. “It’s like Purell!”
> Also, all that said: would waiting to get home cause the kid to starve? Doubtful.
YOU try explaining to a 2-month old that he won’t starve if he waits half an hour for his meal. Seriously. Have some compassion, for fuck’s sake, do you know how hard it is to listen to an infant cry? Parents of babies who have severe colic – the babies can cry four or five hours a day! – get PTSD. We’re wired to respond to babies when they cry. And here you come along wanting to enforce manners and self restraint on them!
I didn’t nurse in public, it wasn’t that I found it wrong it was that I was no good at it, I couldn’t keep myself covered and her latched on and things were just horrible. After about 4 weeks we gave up, I pumped (breast is best), and she got a bottle. My son was ill when he was born and I was still so discouraged and not being able to breast feed my daughter I pumped and he went straight on a bottle.
When I see someone breast feeding and they’re covered up, it doesn’t bother me what-so-ever, sometimes I don’t even notice, honestly, it looks like you’re just holding your baby.
I do think chillin with your titty hanging out is apporpriate (in public). It doesn’t take much to throw a blanket over your shoulder.
I have nursed in public so no, it doesn’t gross me out.
I always kept covered. I’m not really into anyone seeing my nips.
Breastfeeding is beautiful and natural. It’s been so long since I nursed my youngest that I think my middle son has kind of forgotten. He used to walk around the house and nurse his stuffed animals. (Even he covered with a blanked…LOL) I would explain it to him the same if he saw someone else. Breasts make milk and babies drink it.
In NZ it is not a heated issue but, having said that, Kiwis don’t make issues of things. Women breastfeed and tend to be matter-of-fact about it.
It is rare to see a woman whip out her breast to make a statement (which, personally, I think is inappropriate)and when I do see women making a display of it, I have to say it does offend me – feeding your child should be about feeding your child, not drawing attention to yourself.
People breastfeed in public here for the most part they are discreet about it but again, I think that is because for hte most part, NZers look at it as ‘just what you do, you feed your kid.” There was one coffee shop down the road that had a specific breastfeeding area.
When I was breastfeeding I made sure, out of respect to others and myself, to be discreet about it. I didn’t always completely drape my children in a blanket but would at least cover any exposed part of my breast and angle myself in a way that didn’t put me on display. I did this around family as well – unless it was my mom or mother-in-law or sis-in-law, in their company I just whipped it out because we were all in the same tribe
)
LOL re: all in the same tribe
;o)
I look at it like this: between the three of us women our blood is all mixed up in our children and so there is no modesty between us!
Leaving the cap off the milk! You kill me.
I think as long as the boob is covered up, it’s fine. I’ve seen ladies with a little blanket covering the boob area, and it’s fine. I think the problem lays in the sexualisation of breasts. People need to think of it as a woman giving baby a meal, not flashing off a tit willy nilly.
Agreed.
Women breastfeeding is natural. I really can’t see why it’d be gross unless it was a woman that had really let herself go and was flashing all over the place, but maybe you’re thinking that woman is gross and aren’t really focusing on the feeding part.
I don’t agree in having a woman go to the bathroom to feed their babies. Some bathrooms are nasty or what if someone is doing their business in there, now that would be torture to the child. Also, around here the weather is hot so going to sit in the car is a huge inconvenience. Why should she miss out on her meal or the conversation. She can easily use a cover-up do her thing. And that thing about kids seeing this and being traumatized (exaggerating here) is BS, kids watch much worse things on TV than a squirming kid under a blankie. If your kid happens to see a person breastfeeding he is prolly up and looking around so you’d just turn to your kid and say that “lady is feeding her baby, now don’t stare”.
I’m gonna sneak in here to clarify something I mentioned earlier….
I said that I had excused myself to the bathroom when having to nurse in public and several people have commented that they shouldn’t have to do that in a nasty public bathroom. I DID NOT nurse my child in a nasty, public bathroom. The times I nursed in bathrooms I was lucky enough to be somewhere that they were clean. I just stepped into the stall and did it standing up. No muss, no fuss. Had the bathroom been disgusting, I probably would have excused myself to the car. It takes all of 5-10 minutes tops and wether people around me would be offended or not was not the issue for me. For me, it’s just something I felt was private and didn’t want onlookers.
“For me, it’s just something I felt was private and didn’t want onlookers.”
THAT is the key. It is about what is comfortable for the mom and baby, NOT about what’s comfortable for everyone else.
“…now don’t stare.”
Someone should elect you president of the world. How much better of place would the world be if people were taught from childhood to keep their eyes in their skulls? I mean if someone is in danger or needs help then by all means it’s your business, but if someone is just minding their own, then you need to mind your own too. How many problems would that solve? This one, for starters, would all be over and done with, pretty much.
Hear, hear.
This isn’t relevant to the argument of whether to pop out the boobie or not, it just brought to mind a recent article I read of a woman in Ohio getting a ticket for: driving, talking on a cellphone and nursing her infant simultaneously.
Yeah. I made that face too.
When the cops talked to her, she was adamant that she wasn’t “gonna let [her] baby starve” for anyone and that she’d do it again. She pretty much missed the whole point, lol, but she was a confident nurser so I thought I’d share her with this convo.
That’s just stupidity. If your child is starving, you pull over to a safe place, get in the back seat, lock the doors, and nurse your child.
“That’s just stupidity. If your child is starving, you pull over to a safe place, get in the back seat, lock the doors, and nurse your child.”
If you watch the Dave Matthews -Storytellers- with Tim Reynolds, Matthews (who is, fun fact, technically more African American than Barack Obama) relates a story about how he returned to Johannesburg at one point and was hanging out with a bunch of older musicians. They had passed around a bowl of sweetened, fermented milk-alcohol before they went out to eat, but they were just hanging out, and eventually Matthews got hungry enough he said, “Hey guys, can we go get some food now? ‘Cuz I’m starving.”
And every eye in that room turned to him. Because starving in Africa means something totally different.
If your child is “starving,” it’s a long-term, chronic condition of malnourishment, not just brief hunger instantaneously sated by pulling over, getting in the back, and nursing. That was what I was pointing out when I asked if waiting till you got home would cause the kid to starve. Because, obviously, it -wouldn’t-.
no it wouldn’t cause the kid to starve. it would just make for one extremely long, hellish, annoying, sense of urgency and rushed car ride home.
Right, then those same people would have something rude to say about the crying baby.
See, I don’t see what would be complicated about it.
There were more than a few times that I had to park in a lot, get in the backseat of my car and nurse my son. I just planned my day around his feeding schedule. Of course, some women have an aversion to actually having a schedule, but I thought it was very helpful and I always knew when to plan my son’s approximate feeding times.
I second that, Nina. It’s what I’ve always done.
Pull over and find a safe place to nurse. I usually park some where safe, hop in the backseat, lock the doors, and feed him.
I’ve heard of women leaning over the car seat and feeding the baby while someone else drives. More stupidity.
Pull over. Stop the car. Find a safe spot and feed your child!
Like Will said, the baby won’t starve – it only takes a few minutes to find a safe spot to feed. I hate hearing my baby cry, but I’d hate it more if I never heard him cry again.
I feel so passionately about this.
I nurse any where, any time. If Milo is hungry, I give him my boob.
I NEVER use a cover. I just can’t manage it. He won’t allow it. I do wear mostly discreet tops that allow for nursing without showing too much. Once Milo is latched, there’s very little exposed.
Bottom line, I don’t care who sees it and really don’t care too much about offending their delicate sensibilities.
I’ve gotten nasty looks and had people walk away from me and roll their eyes at me. Oh well.
Like you, I feel it’s perfectly acceptable for a child to see it. It’s a great opportunity to explain to your child the way babies feed and why women have breasts.
Lastly, I feel a certain call to normalize public nursing. My hope is that some day it will be no weirder than bottle feeding in public and seeing a mother breastfeeding her child won’t make anyone more uncomfortable than seeing a baby sucking on a bottle. I hold my head high, smile at people, and take pride in my dedication to feed my child as best as I can.
One mom I talked to once suggested using a piece of Muslin to cover up with. Since its so thin the baby doesnt get hot but it still provides coverage. Im going to get some at Joanns.
You obviously don’t care about respecting other people and their feelings, so I care little about yours. I’m glad you’re so proud of it, though. Excuse me while I give you plenty of space.
Whoa dude. Pump the brakes. This is a debate, not a throwdown. I find it hilarious that youre getting so upset about this. There are better things to get so heated over. You are a voluntary reader of this blog, and the internet is a big, big place. Navigate yourself somewhere else if this is such an issue. Nobody is making you read, and sit around waiting for angry mothers to respond.
I’d like to respond to your accusations. First, it’s a bit presumptuous of you to determine that I am lacking respect for fellow human beings. It would be difficult to truly know that from a few sentences.
Maybe I came off with a disrespectful tone?
Please allow me to clarify my position.
First, it is my job to feed my baby. My baby’s health, well-being, and care are my priorities. The law protects me when I feed my baby in public. I did mention that I try to be as discreet as possible. I’m not interested in causing a scene or being obnoxious. My main goal is – to feed my baby.
Discreet is a subjective term. What I think is discreet others may not. Some think the only discreet way to breastfeed is at home or in a bathroom stall. Sorry, but that isn’t practical, fair, or reasonable to me.
Furthermore, there are two people involved in the process. My child may not feel like being covered up. As much as I try to go as unnoticed as possible, he might draw attention our way. I can do little about that.
My choice is to ignore the people that show disrespect to me. You know, the gawkers, pointers, and eye-rollers. I can’t do anything about the way they feel. I choose to hold my head high and project confidence.
My hope is that another young woman will see me and say to herself, “I can do that.” The first few times, I was FREAKING TERRIFIED to breastfeed in public. My heart raced. I got all sweaty. I was shaking. I was so nervous that I couldn’t let down and my child pulled off screaming. It was a disaster.
I am defensive of a woman’s right to feed her child. All of the cold and judgmental people publicly announcing their disdain for seeing a baby at its mother’s breast only intimidate and scare new mothers. Bottle feeding becomes much safer and less scary. Breastfeeding is the best for mother and baby – in so many ways. It’s a shame that women are afraid to do it and feel embarrassed by it.
Waiting to eat at home wouldn’t cause a child to starve, but it’s not a huge sacrifice to stop what we are doing to feed them. They are small and their needs are more urgent than mine or yours. As good parents we know that responding to their needs as soon as possible helps to build trust and love. To do otherwise is neglect.
I have nursed in public, covered way up, out of necessity. I really didn’t feel comfortable doing it, and would try to find some very remote or quiet places to do it. I had these swaddling blankets that were larger than most baby blankets that really did the job and weren’t that thick that I would carry around for both keeping the baby warm and for the need to cover if required. Those that don’t understand probably never had kids, or never nursed or never were the parents of a nursed child (that goes for daddies too) prior. If your baby wants something they are going to scream until they get it and they don’t understand any of the stigmas that go on in society yet.
Olivia has been feed everywhere. I never once have exposed myself to anyone. (If someone did see a flash of nipple then they were looking to damn hard to begin with) I dont even think half the time people even realized what I was doing. If a store that Im in has one of those lounge areas Ill go in there and do it. The one thing I will NEVER do EVER is sit on a toilet in a public bathroom where hundreds of people have shat, pissed and didnt wash their hands and feed my child. That, is gross.
Like you said its one of those things that people (who have alot of free time on their hands) makes a big deal about. Its funny that many of the people who say I dont want my child to see that dont think twice when there is some shoot um up movie on and the same kid is sitting rigth in front of the tv.
Oh boy…the breastfeeding debate. I so can not believe breastfeeding gets peoples panties in a bunch, and adults no less that should be mature enough to handle seeing someone feeding a baby. I nursed SEVEN children and I could tell stories forever, some of them involved Marines acting like they had never seen a boob before. I can tell stories about people seriously getting in my personal space to see what was going on out of curiosity. There came a point where I didn’t care if I was covered or not mostly because even covered people would not respect my privacy and have to move the blanket or look in the baby sling to see the baby I was “hiding”. There is just so much I could say about it all.
Dude all the guys here who are so put off by breastfeeding would hoot and holler if we were sitting in Ruby Tuesdays and someone walked out with a mic to annouce that the wet t-shirt contest would be starting in five minutes.
Or are these the guys that go down to Mexico during spring break to speak with the young ladies about the error of their ways.
I cant ever remember nursing in public but I don’t even like wearing shorts in public so having air or sunlight hit my nipple with strangers around would probably cause me to freak the f out. I don’t mind having others doing it in public but I think some discretion should be used when doing this. Simply because of this. People disagree. What makes it easier for everyone to function together is to respect the disagreements. So know that not everyone is completely comfortable with it so practice some discretion with it. By discretion, I mean don’t put your tits on an obvious display. When we went to the Oklahoma City Zoo, we went to the little play area that had a place where parents could sit while their kids played. I kept seeing Brandon’s eyes shoot over my shoulder to two ladies that were discussing some boring shit. So I turned around and one of the damn women was sitting on the bench, spaghetti strap tank pulled down with one huge tit flopped over it with probably a 2 yr old kid standing in front of her latched on. And the kid proceeded to come and go as he pleased throughout the next ten minutes and she never, ever put it up. I was actually pretty pissed off about that.
Yeah i must say that’s a hot ass mess!(the childs age being a whole other for Nina to blog about).
But i’ve always made sure that I have my slings whenever I would go out in public just in case I had to nurse (which it didnt happen every time).
I’m a avid supporter of breast feeding and think all women should atleast attempt it, but even I would’ve been put off by that display.
ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
that is disgusting/hilarious
Yeah, don’t even get me started on ages.
If a kid is old enough to walk up, pull the spiguot out and start sucking head on, I think they’re too old. I’ve been in situations where children have used their mother’s tits as pacifiers and have been stuck in a scenario where they just let them suck on them-empty even-and my wanting to climb the walls.
I think over 2 is too old, just my opinion.
The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for AT LEAST 2 years. Why take away natural immunities and nutrition for your child just because they can walk and talk?
At this point my input would be redundant.
Ok, I’ll gie my 2 cents. I firmly believe in a woman’s right to do it, but I think out of consideration she shouldn’t…at least without a blanket/covering. I for one find it disgusting no matter how natural it is. It’s the same argument I (and many others) have used which you are probably tired of by now. There are lots of bodily functions that are natural and normal but people, out of consideration, don’t do them in public. Farting, burbing, peeing, pooping, etc. I would be just as disgusted.
On another vein, would it be ok for someone to pop their boobs (or other body parts out) in public for another purpose? Most people would say no.
That’s funny. Last time I checked it was fine to wear a low cut tank top just about anywhere. It is fine to wear a bathing suit or bikini at a pool or beach. All of those things would show a lot more breast than most women do even if they are nursing WITHOUT a cover. So yes, there are plenty of scenarios where women show their breasts in public and it is considered acceptable.
Ok, how about one where someone is attached to the tip of it? That aside, each one of those senarious are situation where the breast is covered. At some point the nipple goes in and out in publice so the full thing is bared.
So its not the breasts you have a problem with, but the act of breastfeeding (since you commented on someone being attached to it being the problem).
I doubt anyone has ever seen my nipple when I nurse in public because my baby’s big head is in front of it. If someone did see it, they would have to be trying pretty hard.
There are a few “bold breastfeeders” out there, but for the most part, if you can see the mom’s nipple, it’s because you’re trying to. And seriously? It’s a nipple. Get over it.
And the whole “pooping is natural, too, but we don’t do it in public” argument is SO tired. Defecating in public spaces is a health hazard, and could potentially harm anyone who comes in contact with it. Breastfeeding is not a health hazard, and in fact has no impact whatsoever on anyone but the breastfeeding mom and baby.
My philosophy is and has always been “they’re just tits.”
It doesn’t matter if there’s lactating and feeding going on. They’re just tits.
Janet Jackson caused an uproar with her millisecond of tit on TV. I said then, “they’re just tits.” What’s the big deal.
I kid you not. This happened 2 weeks ago at church. A lady on the front row was feeding her kid – under a blanket or other cover. I didn’t notice this because I was actually paying attention to the things happening on the altar….you know, like we’re supposed to do during mass. Afterwards, one of my choir buddies starts going on and on about it. I said to her then, “They’re just tits. They were made to feed a child. They were made by God. I don’t think God was offended at their use in His house. Jesus fed at his mother’s breast. And, why weren’t you paying attention to what was happening on the altar instead?”
Seriously. Watch National Geographic. Those people don’t give a shit. WE have made them a big deal because we have sexualized them. Yeah. They’re important for sex. But, that’s not their primary use.
And, when I talk to “breast men”, I say the same thing to them. “What’s the big deal? They’re just tits. I see them every day.”
people are so stupid.
Thank you, Mary.
I’m not saying I agree with whipping them out, but if a woman is feeding her child under a blanket… ugh, never mind. You’ve summed it up nicely.
It’s a matter of politeness – some things, regardless of whether they are natural and everyone does them, should be private. If you want to cover yourself and discreetly nurse in public, go right ahead. Likewise, if I’m going to pull an underwear wedgie out of my butt, I’ll find a discreet way to do it or excuse myself rather than do it right in your face. I don’t want to see your breasts, you don’t want to see my butt crack. Let’s just all agree that sometimes certain things need to be taken care of regardless of whether you’re at home or not, and try to be a little discreet and respectful of others about it. I think that those who “have a problem” with it mostly really don’t have a problem with breastfeeding in public; they have a problem with those women who feel the need to do it right in your face.
here is the thing…breasts are sexual NOW, but it times past it was the ankle or the knee that sent men to jack off..
what is hilarious is the “cover up” is specific to the nipple, not the breast as a whole. You can see the bottom curve of Pamela Anderson or the top pop up on Dolly Parton on prime time tv…no issue, but even a hint of nipple ( there was something with Beyonce during the Oscar performance i heard ) and folks freak out.
When I nursed my daughter i would do it in front of my best friend (male) all the time…once he walked in when I was switching boobs and freaked out “HEY, i wasnt ready for the nipple view”
I had no problem nursing in public but Dei didnt like it when I would move, so in order to be able to eat or shop etc I always pumped and brought a bottle
HAHA reminds me of Janet Jackson and the superbowl i believe it was. The whole problem wasnt even the breast it WAS the nipple!
I breastfed my crying baby in the mall well covered. You have to or else you will start leaking all over the place. Heck, even hearing another child in your nursing period will make you tingle or leak.
The part of breastfeeding I didn’t like is when family members walked into my private bedroom at home. I’ve got some pretty big ta-tas and it was uncomfortable for me to have them see my chi’s chi’s for the first time. But, my child needed to be fed so I got over it.
Don’t you love when they pull it like a “RED VINE LICORICE” until they get it just right? Cracks me up!
Not everyone leaks all over the place. I never did. If a mom does want to cover up because she is leaking everywhere, that is fine. But the rest of us shouldn’t be forced to cover up as a result.
I only leak when I’m nursing. If he’s nursing from the left, the right will leak. Every.Time.
Me too.
When I nursed my son my daughter was 2 and a half and was super curious at first, I just told her I was feeding the baby. I explained to her that baby cows eat from their mommas, puppies eat from their mommas, and that her baby brother ate from me because I was his momma. She really understood. To the point that when she saw a friend feeding her baby a bottle she asked her if her boobies were broken. LOL. The friend was not offended, she was also nursing, but unlike me at the time was supplementing, while out, with a bottle.
I find it ridiculous that so many people have a problem with women nursing in public if they are covered. I guess I sort of get it if they are not, but if a woman is covered, what is the problem?? Your not seeing anything and your not listening to her baby screaming. As for the sounds? Really?? Babies eat that loudly?? I’ve nursed two, and i promise you unless you were in my personal space or we were in silent room, you wouldn’t have heard a thing. I wouldn’t bring my baby to a movie theater, but if I did, I guarantee you that, again, unless you were in my space, you wouldn’t even know it.
Ever watch an animal clean itself? To me, that is more disgusting than a woman feeding her baby. Wait, that’s sort of wrong, because it’s not “more disgusting”, because i do not find a baby eating disgusting.
Haha!
Jack is a loud eater because he tends to moan. I think it’s ’cause my milk is just.that.awesome.
You may have heard me tell this story before, but when Kali was younger… maybe 2 or 3, we first had the breastfeeding discussion. I don’t even remember what prompted it, but I was explaining how Mommies make milk from their boobies when they have babies and that is how I fed her. Now, you know my children are biracial and Kali has always been so much lighter than me. So white, in fact, that I was often asked, “Where you get that white baby from?!” So, after I explained she asked me, “When you fed me, was your milk chocolate since you’re brown?”
That’s cute! My kids have both been around it and find it to be no bigger deal than anything else that has to do with babies.
I haven’t read the other comments yet, but I will in a moment. I wanted to respond to the post before my thoughts get muddled by comments. Here goes:
1) I guess I’m not worth my salt. First, I have NEVER had formula in my diaper bag. Second, I don’t have most of those other things either. There were a few time periods where explosive poop or spit up was an issue and then I carried a change of clothes, but otherwise I pop a diaper or two and some wipes into a very small hand bag/purse along with my wallet, keys, phone, etc. I don’t need to be saddled down with a huge bag full of junk that I would usually never use. The sling I’m wearing the baby in doubles as a blanket nicely if needed and the tail of the sling can be used to wipe up spit up too.
2) Forcing a baby to eat in a bathroom is disgusting. Watch these videos and I’m sure you’ll agree: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/01/23/no-need-to-hide/
3) I don’t use a nursing cover and never will use a nursing cover. I think it sends a message (that you are doing a good job perpetrating) that breastfeeding is something that is shameful and to be hidden. I don’t have any problem with my child seeing someone breastfeed. I think it is a great thing. It gives me an excellent opportunity to explain to him at an early age what breasts are really for. You explained this well in your post, but by accepting your friend’s comment that he doesn’t want his kids seeing that, you veered off course. Why would he not want his child to see a baby being fed the way it is supposed to be fed with breasts that are there for the purpose of feeding a baby. More children should be exposed to children’s television showing breastfeeding like they did back in the 70s (when breastfeeding wasn’t as common as it is now, but when people obviously didn’t have the same hang-ups that we do now). Here are some great videos of breastfeeding on children’s television: http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/02/07/breastfeeding-on-childrens-television/
4) Finally, breastfeeding is not lewd. It’s food. Period. http://www.phdinparenting.com/2009/01/28/breastfeeding-is-not-lewd-its-food/
1) The point of mentioning the diaper bag was that most Moms are prepared. When we leave the house, we make sure we have everything the baby might need. For some, that includes formula, so I mentioned it. For some, like you, it may just mean a few diapers and wipes.
2) I don’t think it’s veering off course to say that I understand where someone is coming from, even if I don’t agree with it. As a parent, I know that it’s our job to decide when is the right time to expose them to certain things and offer up explanations. It’s not my place to say what an appropriate age is for your (general, random person in restaurant) child to learn about breastfeeding. Now, I happen to think the younger the better, and that it can be explained quickly and simply, but again, it’s not my place to say, “Well, I don’t care if you have a problem seeing my breasts in a restaurant while with your child because he/she needs to know about it eventually.”
That is the advantage of nursing my kids long enough that they remember it. I don’t have to decide on the “right time” to explain what breasts are for. They just know.
See, I can respect that. And even if I don’t agree, I can respect other parent’s right to decide how and when their children learn about breasts and their function. I’m very careful not to judge other people’s decisions on how they raise/teach their children, because I don’t want people telling me how to raise mine.
You know in Europe, this debate wouldnt exist lol. Well, maybe but just not as prevalent.
the debate doesn’t exist in Europe because people do far far more offensive things in public than breastfeeding. Pooper-scoopers are unheard of. If you live in a big city that is not say Munich or Amsterdam, there is random refuse and garbage everywhere. Any given doorway, alley, brick wall or tree reeks of human piss. On my street alone I can count at least thirty piles of dog shit on my way to the store. People here have never even HEARD of a microbe; my boyfriend’s mother slathers salmonella around her kitchen like it ain’t no thang. Servers or bakery workers will touch your food with their bare hands that they have been handling cash with and if you make a stink about it you are an uptight American who needs to “do as the Romans do.” Europe is a dirty and disgusting place where they have been doing everything that’s been done in the States for a couple thousand years longer and are not likely to change.
Sorry about the rant… but European disgustingness is a part of my everyday life and their uncivilized-ness aggravates me to no end. Of course they don’t give a shit about breastfeeding. They go naked in parks and on beaches and flop their nasty dried out dicks around in public enough to make you vomit (at least on the Continent).
LMFAO its ok to rant. However, I wasnt even thinking about that side of it. I was thinking about the fact that Europeans are known to be more sexually open about things. So in that sense, it wouldnt be a debate. In America, you know, even the mere exposure of the tit is a problem, even if it is being used to feed an innocent baby who cant feed his/herself.(sarcasm but truth) lol
I am astounded at the number of people who think they have the right to tell a woman when, where and how to feed her baby. I’m even more amazed at the women who portray themselves as somehow “better” because they were always “discreet” or “respectful” or “considerate.” Bullshit. If you are most comfortable nursing under a blanket or in your car or in a bathroom stall or only at home in the back bedroom – that is absolutely fine and I will vehemently defend your right to do so. However, the fact that I’m comfortable nursing my baby wherever, without a blanket, does not make me classless or disrespectful or somehow less than you.
A mom feeding her baby shouldn’t have to worry about anyone’s comfort but her own and her baby’s. Anyone nearby, even if they’re sitting right across the table, can make themselves comfortable by simply not looking. I truly just can not believe that the mere glimpse of a baby nursing, or *GASP* a brief flash of flesh would offend someone so deeply that they can’t simply avert their eyes and go on about their business. And if just the knowledge that a baby is eating somewhere in your vicinity is more than you can handle, perhaps you should consider staying home.
You’re so right Anna.
I really wonder what went wrong in the upbringing of people that do get so offended by the sight of a bit of flesh. Were they exposed to so much inappropriate sexual content at a young age? Did they watch their father objectify women and women’s breasts? Were they taught to feel shameful about their body?
I really do wonder, because whatever it is, I want to avoid that with my kids. I want my kids to grow up with a respect for the human body including their own and that of other people and also a view of the human body as something normal and natural.
Annie, I wasn’t going to even post a comment on this topic, mainly because I’m just too tired to formulate a thought right now regarding it. But while reading through the comments, I really became interested in the differing perspectives from mothers who have nursed/are nursing. I should add here that I do not have children, and for the most part have no problem with mothers breastfeeding in public. Have I ever in my lifetime felt uncomfortable around a breastfeeding mother, for whatever reasons? Yes, I have. However, (you knew a “however” was coming, right?) I take serious issue with what you are saying above. How dare you insinuate that anybody who thinks differently than you regarding this issue must have been brought up by fathers who objectify women or around some form of “inappropriate sexual content at a young age”!!! I would think that someone so intent on educating the whole damn world on the beauty of breastfeeding would understand that not every person on this planet has the same mindset as you. In order to educate, you must first understand those you hope to inform. You have proved with your little paragraph (quoted below) that you not only do not understand the differing morals, religious beliefs, opinions, convictions, etc. of others but you just do not care to understand. What I garnered from the quote below is that you only care to incite people, rather than inform or educate. I think that is a damn shame, too, because I’m sure this is very important to you and you only served to make yourself look like an internet “flamer”.
Quote from Annie @ PHd in Parenting:
“I really wonder what went wrong in the upbringing of people that do get so offended by the sight of a bit of flesh. Were they exposed to so much inappropriate sexual content at a young age? Did they watch their father objectify women and women’s breasts? Were they taught to feel shameful about their body?”
Note to Nina: I’m sorry. But this pissed me off. For the record, the whole breastfeeding issue doesn’t bother me in the least. I am now a grown-ass woman with my own thoughts and feelings and those thoughts and feelings tell me that I should be able rear my child, should I ever have one, the best way I see fit. As should other mothers (within reason…there are some crazies out there!!). That said, to each her own!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you read the Lost blog yet?
Also, can you believe it’s not on tonight?
Crap…I did read it, but had to read it and roll out and then forgot to go back!
“I am astounded at the number of people who think they have the right to tell a woman when, where and how to feed her baby.”
Last I checked, you needed some help reproducing, Anna. Judging by your response, I’m only sorry you got it.
I’m thankful the person that helped with with “reproducing” is supportive of breastfeeding, including breastfeeding in public. If he wasn’t, I wouldn’t have been reproducing with him.
Where did I say I was unsupportive of breasfeeding? I only said that I’d prefer to give breastfeeding women their space, and if I saw a woman doing so, I’d avert my eyes. I only said that if I were having a fancy meal or at the theater, I’d prefer the woman next to me not nurse her fussy baby. Are those desires really that unreasonable?
From what institution did you earn your PhD in Parenting? I’ve never heard of such a degree. What was your dissertation about?
I don’t HAVE a PhD in Parenting, I’m WORKING on my proverbial PhD in Parenting. You’re welcome to learn more about what that means by reading here:
http://www.phdinparenting.com/about-this-blog/
Ah. A “proverbial” PhD. Which doesn’t really mean anything, does it?
Me, I got a doctorate in awesome and a master’s in badass. While we’re inventing credentials, I mean.
Those of you who have been around for the past three years know that I have the best.husband.ever. And he is entitled to his opinion. He would never try to tell me how to breastfeed, but I’m pretty sure that doing it uncovered and in public might make him feel “some kinda way.” Again, I don’t judge mothers that do it, and if I have an opportunity to cover up, I prefer to do so.
We took the kids to see our Moms in NC a few weeks after Jack was born. We drove there. We had to stop a few times so I could feed Jack. Each time, we pulled into a McDonald’s parking lot and Kali and I switched places. While she sat in the passenger seat, I sat in the back and nursed Jack. I knew that, because of the cramped quarters, I wasn’t going to be able to accomplish the whole task from beginning to end w/o exposing SOME bare breast, so I wasn’t anal about it. I did, though, make sure I was covered up. I may not view my breast as sex objects in that particular moment, but I am not naive enough to think that everyone (including nosy looky-loos or men trying to get a peek) will feel the same way. I preferred not to give anyone the opportunity to have lewd thoughts about me feeding my child. That doesn’t mean that I think women should be ashamed of breastfeeding. It just means that I live in reality.
You know, Nina, the thing is, I dislike the fact that you had to do that in the backseat. That can’t have been comfortable, or ideal, at the least. I don’t know; why not a family section in places. People who don’t want to be in the family section, which could be for any group with any children under, say, 12, don’t have to go there. That way, if you needed to nurse, you could do so privately, in a comfortable space.
I mean, that’s what it comes down to. For me, anyway. I don’t think you should be shunned for nursing. I think it ultimately comes down to a social failing, more than anything else.
Like, on a crowded subway. Subway trains typically have, what, ten cars? Wouldn’t it be neat to have, like, a playground-ish car? Lots of McDonald’s restaurants have playgrounds and I think most have changing stations in their restrooms; why not a private section where nursing mothers might be both comfortable and away from the prying eyes of strangers? It would really only make sense.
Last you checked, I needed help reproducing? Um… what? I think you may have me confused with someone else.
I am joining this debate way late. I do not object to breastfeeding. But, yes, it makes me uncomfortable seeing it in public. Can’t explain why. I don’t have a rational explanation. I just feel the way I feel.
That being said….. Why the hell hasn’t anyone mentioned the crazy woman in Ohio who as ticketed for breastfeeding her baby……. WHILE SHE WAS DRIVING….and talking on the cell phone. That woman is so ignorant. It is like she went to the Britney Spears School of Child Endangerment……and graduated Valedictorian.
Anka, I think someone mentioned it earlier. There’s no excuse for that.
Maybe people aren’t mentioning it because it isn’t relevant to this discussion. She did something that was stupid and put her baby in danger. That has nothing to do with breastfeeding in public.
I didn’t breastfeed my sons because of the archaic views of the men in my family. The entire time I was pregnant I heard how horrible it was to see women breastfeed. I heard my ex’s stories about how he’d find women breastfeeding their babies in the dressing rooms when he’d wait on their husbands. These men had me turn from a total natural act because of how they sexualized mother’s breasts. Breasts that produce the perfect food for newborns. I was young and didn’t have the confidence to reject the brainwashing to which I was being subjected. Women on the whole hid when they breastfed, but even that wasn’t enough. Because ‘men knew what they were doing’ and if a woman left the room, ‘men knew what they were leaving the room to do’. I regret denying my children the nourishment due them. The immune properties they would have had from breast milk. All because I was barraged with opinions like I’m seeing Kevin, Will (where the hell have you been hiding, Will?) and unbelievably even Tralfie.
Guys, Breasts are for breastfeeding. They became funbags because men think with their dicks.
Oh, and Will, the nipple is an erogenous zone so that we will breastfeed. Breastfeeding doesn’t always feel good, and sometimes it’s damn well painful. The erogenous nature of the nipple has grown because you guys (not you, Tralf) want to latch on and now we like it when you do.
Girls, breastfeed where you have to and whenever your child is hungry.
Deb – I’m so sorry for your experience. I think it is awful that there are people that still think that way.
Thanks Annie.
“All because I was barraged with opinions like I’m seeing Kevin, Will (where the hell have you been hiding, Will?) and unbelievably even Tralfie.”
Holy shit, you really do read what you want to read, don’t you? I mean, seriously, my knowledge is that breastfeeding is awesome, because breastmilk is packed with nutrients unavailable anywhere else, but hey, when I’m out and about, I really don’t need to see it. If I’m running errands and happen to get hungry, I’m usually not so malnourished I can’t wait until I get home to eat; I don’t see how it’s any different for a two month old. My opinion on breastfeeding is that breastfeeding is the best option for at least the first year, but hey, I don’t need to see it!
Will, who are you quoting?! I don’t see that remark.
Never mind.
You’re entitled to your opinion Will, of course. There are plenty of things I don’t like seeing in public that are an awful lot less beneficial than breastfeeding. I think it is gross when women wear too much makeup. I think it is disgusting when men show their butt crack when bending over. I think it looks skanky when teenage girls have their thong sticking out of the back of their low rise jeans. But I just turn away when I see those things.
With regards to nourishment and need to eat, you cannot compare a 2 month old’s needs with yours. A 2 month old has a much smaller stomach and needs to eat smaller meals more frequently. Also, you are mature enough to know not to scream at the top of your lungs when you are hungry (or at least I hope), but a 2 month old baby is not. And really, when presented with the option, most people would prefer to see a woman breastfeed than to listen to her baby scream.
Also, you can wait until you get home to eat. But do you always? Have you never eaten in a restaurant? Have you never picked up a snack anywhere? Why should you have that right and baby and his mother don’t have the right?
Again, you’re entitled to your opinion but it is an incredibly self-centered selfish view of the world.
It is different for a baby. They eat to grow. That’s what it’s called in the hospital. If they are on a schedule (even if bottle fed) their little stomach know’s it. It’s not like they have a stomach with decaying meat and other foods still in adults systems that their tiny bodies can go to if they get hungry. They need to eat. Any mother will tell you the child knows when to eat. Be it 3 hours or 4 hour timing, their stomachs empty and they need that nourishment.
Not to mention a breastfeeding mothers breast. So the mother decides the baby can wait because, hey, she might offend someone. So the baby crys, screams, and the mother’s breast start to leak milk. Would you rather listen to a screaming child and look at a wet T-shirted Mom? Wet milk t-shirt?
Will, babies are different than adults. Look away. Seriously, the breastfeeding mother really doesn’t want to be stared at.
“Will, babies are different than adults. Look away. Seriously, the breastfeeding mother really doesn’t want to be stared at.”
How many times have I said I would avert my eyes?
Should I really have to do so?
“Yes, breastfeeding is natural. But so is childbirth and I certainly don’t want to go to a restaurant and watch you spread your legs and shove an 8 pound baby out of your vagina while I eat my medium rare steak.”
=perfect.
Also, it’s worth noting I would not avert my eyes because I think it’s gross but rather because, honestly, I would consider it something intimate, between mother and child, of which I would not deserve to be a part. Honestly, if I were on a subway and an infant started fussing and the mother realized she needed to nurse, I’d stand in front of her, with my back turned, so she could do so with some privacy, because I’d think it deserved it.
And Annie? “self-centered”? “Selfish”? Is this the best way you know how to debate? Is this the highest level of reading comprehension you’ve got?
Oh, wait. You’ve got that “PhD” in parenting. It probably is, isn’t it?
This blog is getting way awesome.
Now that I got that out of the way…
Will, when you mentioned that would would assist a nursing mother in attaining some privacy as she fed her baby it reminded me of a funny story.
My mom never breastfed her children. She was, and still is, convinced that it’s barbaric and that formula is as good or better than breastmilk. When Milo was about 6 months old, we took him out for a day of errands. First, we went to a farmer’s market. There was no private place to feed him and he was way fussy. I found a bench and sat with my back to the crowd and began feeding him. My mom was DISGUSTED. She grabbed a huge blanket from the stroller and draped it around us – like a huge shower curtain. Needless to say, she actually drew more attention to what I was doing. I kept telling her to stop it and put the blanket away. It was a sight.
Then, in IKEA, she tried to protect me from the pervy stares by standing in front of me like some mean old body guard. It was sweet that she wanted to protect me and I appreciated her efforts but I really think she was only creating more reasons for people to look my way. It was kind of embarrassing.
Most times, few people really notice what I’m doing. It generally just looks like I’m holding my child close. Now that he’s older (15 mos), it might be a little more obvious. I plan to allow him to ween himself – even if it’s when he’s 3 years old. I’m sure people will get their panties in a wad about that. Especially my mom.
Will (hi, Will!!! Remember me???), I don’t even know if you will come back to check this, but this is obviously a case of people not knowing how each other thinks, or better yet, how people write their thoughts out. I have read you numerous times back in that other place, so I get what you’ve been saying. From your first post, I got it.
Will is not anti-breastfeeding. He is not even anti-breastfeeding in public so much. He is of the belief that there are times and places for most things, and maybe while sitting through a movie or dinner he is none too keen on breastfeeding next to him. What’s the big deal, really? Isn’t he entitled to feel the way he feels as much as those of us who feel it’s okay to do so?
Damn Nina, I didn’t know it was ‘vomit my insignificant opinion all over your blog while throwing in 9 thousand links to my own blog’ day.
Here’s my .02:
I am all for a woman breastfeeding in public if she needs to, as long as she is covered up. However, she should be fully willing to accept the criticism and distasteful looks from those around her and also be willing to accept that some establishments may very well forbid her to do so on their property.
It should be up to each place of business to decide whether they allow and cater to such acts, and everyone should respect the rules of those establishments even if they disagree with public breastfeeding. If people don’t like it, don’t look. You don’t smell it, or hear it, except for a small suckling noise that is barely audible (no worse than someone smacking their teeth while they eat).
On that note, I think that women should definitely have to be covered. In regards to the blog vomiter, covering up is respectful to other people. It has nothing to do with whether breastfeeding is ‘shameful’ or not, and more to do with respecting yourself and your child as well as the others around you. Not everyone will always agree with your opinion and if they have to respect you breastfeeding in public, you should have to respect their wishes not to see your child sucking food out of your body.
Yes, breastfeeding is natural. But so is childbirth and I certainly don’t want to go to a restaurant and watch you spread your legs and shove an 8 pound baby out of your vagina while I eat my medium rare steak.
“I certainly don’t want to go to a restaurant and watch you spread your legs and shove an 8 pound baby out of your vagina while I eat my medium rare steak.”
HAHAHAHAAA!!! I love you, Kemari!!
I think everyone being polite about it would be the best thing. Cover it up if you know people around you are going to be offended. Stop staring and pointing and chastising women who are nourishing their children. Just basic polite behavior.
“I am all for a woman breastfeeding in public if she needs to, as long as she is covered up.”
So, who gets to define “covered up”? The mom? The owner of the establishment? The other people in the establishment? The police? I’ll tell you who it will be – whomever it is that doesn’t want a woman to breastfeed in public.
“However, she should be fully willing to accept the criticism and distasteful looks from those around her”
So even if I’m playing by your rules, you still get to shame me? That’s… an interesting viewpoint.
“It should be up to each place of business to decide whether they allow and cater to such acts,”
Really? How about we take that a step further? Gay people are very offensive to some. Do places of business get to refuse them service? Lots of folks think fat people are gross. Should they be thrown out? That’s a pretty slippery slope you’re treading on.
“If people don’t like it, don’t look. You don’t smell it, or hear it, except for a small suckling noise that is barely audible (no worse than someone smacking their teeth while they eat).”
I completely agree with you, but it’s so contrary to everything you’ve said to this point, that I find it hard to believe you mean it.
“On that note, I think that women should definitely have to be covered. In regards to the blog vomiter, covering up is respectful to other people.”
Pretty sure I’m not the blog vomiter, but anyway… why is everyone so adamant that a breastfeeding mom be respectful of other people, and yet the same courtesy isn’t afforded to her? You point blank said that *even if she is covered up*, she should just sit there and accept dirty looks, criticism, etc. How about we all just respect that a baby should be able to eat when he is hungry, in a way that is comfortable to him and his mother. The respectful thing to do would be to just let him eat in peace, and stop looking for something to be offended by.
I don’t use a cover/blanket – gave that up when my firstborn was about a week old. I find them uncomfortable and awkward and feel like they draw way more attention to me than just latching the kid on and being done with it. I’m not trying to prove a point or put on a show – I’m feeding my child; meeting her needs. If someone is offended by that, it’s because they’ve decided to be. As you pointed out, it really isn’t that difficult to just stop looking.
“Yes, breastfeeding is natural. But so is childbirth and I certainly don’t want to go to a restaurant and watch you spread your legs and shove an 8 pound baby out of your vagina while I eat my medium rare steak.”
Haha, a variation on the “pooping is natural, too” theme, but the same point applies – childbirth is potentially hazardous to others, which is why we typically don’t do it in the middle of restaurants. Breastfeeding is not; it has no impact on anyone but the mother and baby.
All of this said, and as frustrated as these arguments make me, I do take comfort in the knowledge that the internet is a very skewed version of reality. I’ve been breastfeeding for a combined total of nearly 5 years (and counting), and have done so in all sorts of public places, with varying degrees of “coverage.” In all of that time, I’ve only been confronted twice. Far more often, I get smiles and other positive feedback. Most of the time, though, the world goes on as if nothing unusual is happening at all, and to me, that speaks volumes.
First of all, I am FOR being able to breastfeed. What I’m not ‘for’ is women who do it thinking they have the right to look down on people who don’t like it or disagree with it. You’re an adult, you make the choice to whip out a tit and feed a kid, you have to deal with the consequences of other people. Me? I don’t think it’s gross and welcome women to do it, but it is an intimate act and should be treated as such, not as a circus show. People are naturally curious by nature, and also naturally opinionated, more often than not, they are opinionated very verbally and very rudely. In knowing that about people, a mother needs to be willing to accept the behavior and opinions of others if she CHOOSES to do such acts in public. People have the right NOT TO WANT a woman to breastfeed in public, whether its natural and beautiful or gross and annoying. Everyone has a right to like what they like, and just because you want to breastfeed in public, does not mean other people want you to.
So, who gets to define “covered up”? The mom? The owner of the establishment? The other people in the establishment? The police? I’ll tell you who it will be – whomever it is that doesn’t want a woman to breastfeed in public.
Why would there need to be a definition of covered up? Covered up is covered up. Meaning, don’t let your nipple hang out with a baby attached to the end. Some things should be kept private. And if I OR SOMEONE ELSE doesn’t want to see it, then we shouldn’t have to. That is not discounting the fact that you shouldn’t be allowed to do it, because you should. But do you need to do it 5 feet away from someone’s ‘dinner table’? NO. However, if you have to, if your kid is so direly hungry that you have to, by all means, please respect other people and cover your breast up.
“However, she should be fully willing to accept the criticism and distasteful looks from those around her”
So even if I’m playing by your rules, you still get to shame me? That’s… an interesting viewpoint.
Look, don’t attack me or come at me with ignorance. How is it SHAMING YOU if you cover up? You are ashamed if you have a blanket over your breast? That’s a ridiculous, idiotic thing to say. And what you mean by MY RULES I have no idea. You are apparently bitter about this and feel the need to attack anyone who disagrees with you. That kind of thinking is ignorant and hypocritical.
“It should be up to each place of business to decide whether they allow and cater to such acts,”
Really? How about we take that a step further? Gay people are very offensive to some. Do places of business get to refuse them service? Lots of folks think fat people are gross. Should they be thrown out? That’s a pretty slippery slope you’re treading on.
You are talking about an act of discrimination based on sexual orientation vs. indecent exposure by way of breastfeeding. How is that the same? Everything you just said is ridiculous and you should maybe read what you type before you hit enter. And yes, businesses SHOULD BE ALLOWED to decide whether they will allow breastfeeding on their premises. Until breastfeeding in public becomes a hate crime or disagreeing with public breastfeeding becomes an act of discrimination, businesses should have the right to choose. The fact that you brought up being gay or fat to make your breastfeeding argument solid is idiotic. How are they even similar?
“If people don’t like it, don’t look. You don’t smell it, or hear it, except for a small suckling noise that is barely audible (no worse than someone smacking their teeth while they eat).”
I completely agree with you, but it’s so contrary to everything you’ve said to this point, that I find it hard to believe you mean it.
Who the fuck cares if you think I mean it?
The rest of what you said read more like self-important feminist drivel than anything relevant or intelligent.
I breastfed in public twice, but I covered up and went somewhere comfortable and private so I could be with my babies alone, without the gawking stares of onlookers.
Women who breastfeed in public SHOULD WANT PRIVACY, because it is respectful to their babies to not be subjected to the ridicule and rudeness of those fools who act ignorant when something like that is going on. I personally think a mother should feel ashamed if she puts her child on display like that. Do I agree with people who gawk, make rude faces and comments? No, but it’s a fact that there are going to be people who don’t like it, so learn to deal with it or shut the fuck up and go home to feed your baby.
KeMari, where have you been all my life?? Well, actually, I totally recognize your name from “that other place”, but never “met” you. Apparently, I’ve been missing out!
Perhaps your opinion matters on the Internet, but it doesn’t matter at all where I live thankfully. The law protects my right to breastfeed my baby wherever I want and no one is allowed to ask me to stop, to move or to cover up. That said, I don’t go around with my boobs hanging out, but if I wanted to, that would be my constitutional right.
“Constitutional”? Really? Doubtful. Lemme check my handy pocket-size U.S. Constition.
Nope.
Nothing in there about breast-feeding your child in public. Not a protected right under the Constitution.
But, if you’re so worried about Constitutional rights for you, why aren’t you also concerned with the Constitutional rights of parents who choose NOT to breast feed or who choose to raise their children in the way they see fit?
Ooooh, I love the smell of double-standards in the morning!
OMG…THANK YOU, KeMARI!!!! (Notice how I lowercased the “e”?) You rock.
Will, don’t you know me by now?! I PREFERRED doing it in the car cause I was lazy. LOL! Seriously, I was super over protective and didn’t want to take him out of the car until we got to NC.
However, I see your point and I wouldn’t mind some of the things you suggested. Just like I think the early matinees restricted to parents of young kids are a great idea. It gives parents of young kids the opportunity to share the movie-going experience with their kids around tolerant and understanding people. It also saves them the worry that their children are annoying other movie goers.
Ha! I love that about you, Nina! And yes, I do sort of know you by now, I think. (which is why I’d be protective and want you to have a set-aside space. I’m always protective of friends) I know how well you write, anyway!
“Just like I think the early matinees restricted to parents of young kids. It gives parents of young kids the opportunity to share the movie-going experience with their kids around tolerant and understanding people. It also saves them the worry that their children are annoying other movie goers.”
And yes, exactly! That’s my point! I’m all for a totally accommodating society. Anyone could buy that ticket, but they’d know what they were getting into!
Anyway, good discussion, mostly. And you know I only got into it because it was yours! I do -heart- your blog.
On a trip to Europe a woman randomly whipped it out to feed her baby (and it was not discreet). One of the girls in our group said, “Gross.” and I immediately got angry. I don’t get why it’s acceptable to have rated R movies with bare boobs while Paris and Britney parade around with no underwear and strippers make money, but it’s “gross” for someone to feed their baby. America makes no sense.
THATS WHAT I SAID! Im glad someone agrees
Holy crap! I can’t believe all the uptight people commenting on this blog.
THEY’RE JUST TITS.
Good lord.
There seems to be so much intolerance in the room.
I’m with most of the breastfeeding moms but must take issue with those who think their rights super-cede all others.
No one should have to nurse in a public restroom. In return I don’t think it’s too much to ask for you to use a little discretion. You’re never going to satisfy everyone so don’t waste your time trying.
It’s not your place to provide a learning op for the next person’s child. I’m sure you’re not interested in when they think your kid should be taught about birth control or masturbation.
no way is breastfeeding gross. From the Beginning of Time – Twentieth Century, every single person on the earth was breastfed. It’s almost literally the most natural thing on the face of the planet. And I cannot for the LIFE of me understand why someone wouldn’t want to explain it to their kids… for those Sex Talk-shy grownups who don’t want to explain the biological differences between men and women it is a perfect opportunity to explain breasts in a non-sexual way.
The only time I think breastfeeding in public is gross is uncovered in restaurants. Why? Something about exposed bodily fluids around everyone’s food I guess. I wouldn’t blow my nose at the table, I would just go to the bathroom. I know lugging a whole entire person with you to the bathroom is not the same as lugging a whole entire Kleenex, but hey, it’s just how I feel about it.
Of course I don’t have kids so most moms don’t want my opinion anyway :p
When my son was an infant, he nursed every hour – so I have nursed in public at just about every location – from restaurants to the mall to Disney to an outdoor garden. I even nursed him while walking around IKEA and a grocery store or two. In the beginning I tried to “cover up” with a receiving blanket or something, but found that to be too difficult. So I bought nursing shirts which covered my exposed belly and nursed away – uncovered. Oddly enough – my breasts were never exposed (maybe for a fleeting moment while getting him latched or unlatched) but while nursing, my breasts were primarily covered by my baby. So does a mother need to cover up? Absolutely not! Are there handy tools if you want to cover up? Sure – lots of great covers and clothing are available and slings can be a great tool for covering up as well.
Would I ever go into a bathroom to nurse? I seriously doubt it – unless the bathroom was significantly cleaner and more comfortable than being out of the bathroom.
I think that most mom’s feel more comfortable with their exposed parts are covered – but I don’t think that they need to “cover the act” of breastfeeding. It is natural and what is best for the baby!
Take a look at my recent blog to see photos of me nursing my son. I am not covered up and there is nothing indecent about these photos: My Breastfeeding Journey.
What are you so worried about happening if your kid sees a woman breastfeeding? I have been to parties where there were young kids and I nursed my son and none of them even noticed. Once I had a young boy (around
ask me why my baby was biting my shirt and I said, “He’s not biting my shirt, I’m feeding him” and he said, “Oh!” and rubbed my baby’s head. That was that.
Honestly, I can’t even read some of these comments because they are so ridiculous. Breast milk is not in the same category as snot and piss and if I nursed my baby at a restaurant table, my milk wouldn’t even get near anyone else.
Actually, breast milk is made of leukocytes (white blood cells) which is also what pus is made of. Snot consists of leukocytes as well. Urine is mostly water but contains many proteins and antibodies, the same as colostrum or breast milk.
So, to say snot and piss are not in the same category as breast milk is actually quite wrong.
And FYI, for many many years, ancient cultures drank their own urine because of the antibodies and proteins. Like breast milk, urine has many antibodies and proteins that are good to ingest. Some cultures still drink urine on a regular basis.
You know what I find funny about all of these silly little lactating lunatics commenting on your blog?
That those of us who are FOR BREASTFEEDING IN PUBLIC are still being attacked if we so much as MENTION covering up out of respect to their audience of onlookers.
Natural or not, if we have to view it, we have a right TO AN OPINION ABOUT IT.
Such a silly argument. Why are people still debating this? I once met a woman with three kids who said that breast feeding was “gross”. I was quite saddened by that because I’ve breastfed both of my children and I’d never thought of myself or the things I do as being gross. I’m sorry if it offends some, but you know what…suck it up! (no pun intended)
Some people think it’s “gross” that as a black woman, I have a white husband, not to mention my biracial children. Should I lock us away so as not to offend them? Some people think it’s “gross” that as a woman I have short hair (seriously). The point is where do my personal freedoms end and yours begin? Breastfeeding is not amoral and it’s not illegal…so deal.
And in the same breath, having an opinion AGAINST breastfeeding is not amoral or illegal, so the women who do it should also deal.
(FYI to the nursing nazis, I am FOR BREASTFEEDING IN PUBLIC, however I believe covering up shouldn’t be such a big deal. Neither I nor my children want your forced lesson in anatomy)
So basically we should stand across the room blowing raspberries at each other? Sounds productive, kind of like calling each other names…”nursing nazis”? Really? Really?!
Do you even read what you write before you hit enter?
I like you. You bring on the lols. We should hang out.
OMGosh, K!! I love you even more!! I’ve been calling them Lactation Nazis for 16 years! hahaha!!!! Horror story about what happened to one of my BFFs with her first child and the LNs.
Blog Comment number 158??
My goodness so much fire behind being pro or con breastfeeding in public. Who knew? I share Ko-bitches Opinion. That is all.
Sometimes no…sometimes yes.
I breastfed my daughter for 7 months. I would have fed her in public if I had to.
For me it depends on the age. My mom breastfed my sister until she was about 2 or 2 1/2 yrs. My 2 aunts did the same thing. I think its because it was their last child and maybe they wanted to feel connected. But it was gross to go to family a picnic and see a big kid sitting in a lap getting breast fed. Grosssss. Groossss. Double gross.
Did you hear that Selma Hayek went to Africa and breastfed another woman’s baby? The mother couldn’t do it and the baby needed to eat so she did it. Gross. First off how did that mom know Selma didn’t have HIV? I really don’t know if I could do that.
I think nursing someone else’s baby in the event of an emergency is fine. I guess in Salma’s case, if she had the mother’s permission and everyone felt comfortable, that’s fine too.
People donate milk all the time. Do you think it’s gross b/c it’s someone else’s milk or straight from Salma’s breast?
Someone’s milk. Breastfeeding seems so personal to me. To just give someone elses baby milk seems offensive. Isn’t that called a wetnurse and it use to be done back in the day but it just seems so personal.
Yeah, wet nurses!
I’ve heard that some sisters nurse each other’s babies too.
And I mean siblings, not sistahs! LOL.
i think i would be rather pissed if either one of my friends, sisters, or cousins attempted to nurse my child or offer thier breastmilk in a bottle.
I understand why Salma Hayek did it, but still there are to many health risks with doing that.
Some people in this thread are talking like they’re in the stone age. Some of these comments seem to suggest we women should all be wearing burkhas in case a man views a part of our body as a sexual object. I will feed my children whenever my children need fed. I will not neglect them and let their tiny tummies go hungry when I have food available for them. I will not force my hungry, innocent baby to wait until we get home because some anal people might get offended by them eating. I will not push them behind a blanket to eat any more than I will make my daughter conceal herself to eat a carrot stick. This is not a selfish act, it’s a basic human right.
I think breastfeeding is a beautiful natural act and there shouldn’t be this much controversy over whether or not to breastfeed in public. If I happen upon a breastfeeding in public I smile and look away, there is nothing ugly about it. In fact, if it wouldn’t seem offensive, creepy, gross, or perverted to the mother nursing, I’d probably watch for a bit just because of the beauty of the baby feeding and getting nutrients from their mother.
I have very important decisions to make in the grocery store. Cheeze-itz versus Cheese Nips is not a decision I can make with a strangers boob near my face. I’m not very tall, so believe me when I say, near my face.
That aside, I wouldn’t use the word gross either, but it is something that makes me uncomfortable. I don’t plan on breastfeeding, but if I did, I’d consider it something needing a little privacy.
I feel very sorry for all these people who are “forced” to watch when women breastfeed their babies – clearly they all have a condition that prevents their necks from working properly, so they can’t turn away.
People with disabilities deserve empathy and compassion – perhaps the government should fund blinkers for them so they don’t “have” to look at anything that offends them.