BIOBaby: Breastfeeding Part 2
March 11, 2009 by nina
Filed under Blog It Out, Baby
Ah, so many things. I very rarely do this, but I thought I should post a follow-up to yesterday’s blog and address a few things. It’s going to take me a moment to respond to each of the comments like I want to, and there are some broad things I wanted to point out.
Most of you have been reading my blogs for over three years now. So, you’ve heard this before. I treat my blog like my living room. I speak here the way I speak to family and friends who come to my home. Those of you who have become “real life” friends from my blog, and been to my home, can attest to that. You are encouraged to speak your mind and engage in vigorous debate. I don’t delete comments of those that disagree with me, but I will delete comments that disrespect me. You can tell me I’m wrong, but you’re not gonna call me a stupid bitch while doing so. I wouldn’t tolerate that in my home, and I don’t tolerate it here. This also means that I defend your right not to be disrespected. Anyone who can’t make their point without being offensive will be deleted. Period.
After reading through most, but not all, of the comments on the breastfeeding in public blog, I wanted to say a few things…
1. Someone brought up a great point in that the act of breastfeeding should not be covered up. I want to be clear that wasn’t what I meant. You shouldn’t have to negotiate your child in such a way to hide what you’re doing because there is some stigma or shame to breastfeeding. I didn’t mean, and I don’t think some of the people responding, meant that you should breastfeed in such a way that no one can tell what you’re doing because breastfeeding is bad.
2. It seems to me that both sides had good points, but there are always going to be some who feel like their rights and opinions surpass the rights of others. So where do I stand? I see both sides. And I’m sorry if this doesn’t sit well with my fellow breastfeeding Moms. You have the right to breastfeed in public any way you want; completely covered with your child in a veritable sweat box, bare as you please with your breast exposed at all stages of the feeding process, or discretely behind a blanket/sling/shirt, etc. But you cannot deny someone the right to be uncomfortable, offended, and even grossed out.
I don’t think it’s gross, but I understand that not everyone shares my feelings. When we walk around thinking that everyone should feel the way we do, and then ridicule them when they don’t, we’ll all have problems.
I choose to “cover-up” when I nurse in public for several reasons:
1. I don’t want anyone looking at my breasts. Sorry. Call it what you want. People remarked, “If we lived in Europe…” Guess what? This ain’t Europe. I cover my breasts for the same reason I don’t put pictures of my daughter on the internet anymore. I cover my breasts for the same reason I don’t shove a full banana in my mouth, but rather break it into pieces when eating one in public. I cover my breasts for the same reason I bend at the knees and not the waist when picking something up in public. Why? People can be perverted. People have been known to take the most innocent of actions and get their rocks off from them. That’s why they’re called perverts.
2. I tend to wear shirts that open at the top. Even when I’m home and expecting family over. Why? Because I still have pregnancy tummy due to laziness at working out and I don’t want anyone looking at my baby fat. So, when we have family movie night, or a birthday party (as we’ve had several since Jack’s birth 7 months ago) at our house, I will nurse around family (too much of a social butterfly to leave the room and miss anything!), but I do so in a way that keeps my breasts covered.
Just as if we were in a restaurant, Donny will most likely hold a baby blanket up so that I can get my breast out and Jack latched on. Then I nurse with Jack covered. He is now at a stage where he will try to remove the blanket and unlatch to look around when he hears something interesting. I prepare for that by having myself in such a position, and around people, so that if it happens and my nipple is exposed, it’s not a big deal.
I’ve been at my parent’s house and in their kitchen when that has happened in front of my Dad. It’s not a big deal because even though I don’t go showing my Dad my nipples normally, we both realize that I’m feeding his grandchild and these things happen. Now, when I’m in the same situation with my cousin’s husband at the table, or my sister’s boyfriend, I will either nurse with my back to them so there’s no sudden nipple exposure, or I will leave the room.
This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with breastfeeding or even my nipples. It just means that maybe I don’t feel like showing my nipple to my cousin’s husband, and maybe he don’t feel like seeing it.
3. As for children, for all the people who commented that breastfeeding provides a perfect learning opportunity, I agree. But it’s not your place to decide when others educate their children. I personally would handle my child asking about a nearby woman nursing as such, “She’s feeding her baby. Don’t stare because it’s not polite.” And if they had further questions, I’d address them at home. But again, everyone doesn’t think like me and you have to remember that not everyone thinks like you. And that doesn’t make them wrong.
Maybe little Billy just wants to eat his chicken fingers, and maybe his Momma just wants to let him enjoy his chicken fingers without having to get into discussions over your breasts and what they do and why they do it.
4. I am not nursing my son in a public bathroom.
5. I am not going to “wait till I get home” to nurse my son if he’s hungry. No, he won’t starve, but being hungry is no fun either. And anyone that suggests to me that I wait until I get home to feed him would most likely get their feelings hurt.
6. Comparisons to pooping and peeing are dumb. Stop making them.
Finally, everyone should be a little more tolerant. Period. Breastfeeding moms, we haven’t cornered the market on what’s right, what’s beautiful, and what’s acceptable. I think it’s very sad that some women have this “all or nothing” attitude about it. As a breastfeeding Mom I support your right to nurse wherever and however you want, but don’t make me feel like I’m betraying some sisterhood because I choose to practice some form of covering up when I do.
Nina is a 34-year-old mother, wife and writer who spends her days blogging, studying, changing diapers and watching ridiculous amounts of TV. She currently resides in Atlanta, Georgia, with her husband, two children and three TiVos.
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