Are We Doing Our Boys Justice?

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Boys are definately raised differently. I remember my uncle one telling my brother to stop crying because men didn't cry. "Men" might not cry, but little boys who scrap their knees do. I never got this. My own mother does it. My brothers are 16/15 and they get away with a lot of stuff. Her response is, because they are boys. My response, that's crap woman. As far as the sex in the house goes, that's one rule that's applied to all of us. As far as the leeway goes, again I don't have children, but I'm the oldest child/grandchild on both sides of my family. I've helped raise a lot of kids. I try my best to treat them all equally. However, I am over protective of my sister. Mainly because I was raped/molested as a child, and I'm terrified it could happen to her. It doesn't help that I looked at that watchdog website and say how many sex offenders lived around us. She immediately got a cell phone with emergency numbers programed in, a very large Disney princess key to differentiate between the front/back door key, our brothers walking her to the bus stop, and a big ass dog that's crazy about her. Can't really say too much about how I treated my brothers, because I was 8/9 when they were born. I treated them like all older siblings treat younger siblings. I was 16 when my sister was born, she was my "child".

I think it is absolutely o.k. to raise boys and girls a bit differently. Raise the boy to be a boy and the girl to be a girl. Have you noticed that we are different completely other than the fact that we are human. One makes the baby and the other carrys the baby.

I have two sons and I have raised them differently from my daughters. their is nothing like a man being a real man and a woman being a woman. The only way to insure these great qualities is to raise each according to his or her sex.

Of course academically there is no limits and no limits on career. But without listing the differences, boys are different from girls and ya best to raise your boy to be a man and the girl to be a lady. Peace. Great Job Nina...Peace...

I still can't get past the fact that Kali doesn't get sleep-overs.

I'm guilty of this. On a small scale, but I am still guilty of it. I have told both of my children about the dangers of things like molestation, rape, etc. But I stress it more with my daughter. I am a little more strict with her about playing outside, walking somewhere by herself, etc. But that actually stems mostly from her being a klutz and sort of careless than from me being more worried about her. I am, however, more worried about her. She is a social butterfly, is nice to everyone and wants EVERYONE to like her. If a child molester really wanted to get my daughter to get in his car, all he'd have to do is tell her, "if you don't get in, I won't like you" and sure enough, her ass would follow just to make him (or her) like her again.

You make an excellent point here, especially nowadays, with the women teachers and leaders molesting younger boys more and more, although, I don't think that is molesting for the most part, at least not the sex with the teachers thing, because young boys are made to idolize the 'cougar relationship' and more than likely those young boys go into that sexual relationship with said teacher thinking, 'damn, i'm so fly i got a teacher to do me.' Young girls sometimes aren't any better. It has been splashed all over the media about the glorification of the neo-tramp fashion craze ala Paris, Britney and the like.

It's hard as hell to grow up in this day and age and keep any kind of purity or innocence. But I'm damn sure going to try to do it for my kids.

As for the sex in the house, I'm on the fence about that. I had a mother that didn't really care one way or the other all the bad things I could do as a teenager, and that took away the fun so I never really did them. I was given an underage drinking 16th birthday part, as well as an 18th, while me and my friends were left alone both times. I was allowed to drive a car from Virginia to Maryland on the highways, even though I had no license, and I was put on birth control at the age of 9. All of that led to me barely ever drinking, never doing drugs or smoking, staying away from sex for the most part until I was 17/18 and basically being a good kid. I guess that whole 'do it in my house so I can supervise thing' works for some, and not for others. I suppose I'll find out when the time comes. But I am absolutely against 'abstinence' as the only means of educating kids about sex. It's ridiculous to think kids won't try stuff, no matter how well you teach them. I'd rather be prepared and safe than not at all.

I am a 22 year old student who still lives at home (sometimes). My little brother, 16, is allowed to have girls sleep over. When I complained about this, my dad turned to me and said, "Even if you asked me now, you would not be allowed to have a guy in your room." Males. Highfiving their sons on scoring and locking down their daughters. I actually understand it.

wow, i can relate to a lot of this post.

growing up, there was a short while that i lived with my grandparents. my older brother had already lived with them for a while. i felt like they held me prisoner. even in the middle of the day, i could hardly do ANYTHING outside of the home! i had to have a damn good reason for leaving to go hang out with a friend. it couldn't be just to 'hang out'. and i never understood, because they let ricky (older brother) run wild! he did whatever he wanted! and he got in a lot of trouble too! but he never had those rules.

i don't know if it's because they figured he could take care of himself because he was a boy, or if they just figured they wouldn't be able to control him even if they tried. but, to this day, i still feel like it was very unfair. not that it keeps me up at nite or anything.

you do hear more about things happening to girls in the media. i live in colorado, and on the news today, they are talking about a 14 year old girl they found in a field about 5 or 6 miles away from my house. apparently she would collect rocks in that field and within an hour or so of her going to do so yesterday, her 60 year old neighbor dude across they street kidnapped her, raped her, killed her, and put her back in that field. disgusting.

i do think it's more natural to be more fearful of things happening to our little girls.

as for head injuries and babies. no matter what the sex, a baby is a baby is a baby. i don't blame you for being paranoid. without going into a long drawn out story and reliving the whole thing over again right now, i can tell you that my little girl went to the babysitter's in december while i went to work and when i picked her up she was completely damaged. there is still an investigation going (i'm as lost on this as anyone - i've been interrogated 3 times)... but she had bleeding around her brain and was going into seizures. she spent 8 days in ICU. threw up everything she ate, was stuck multiple times a day in her little body and head with IVs, and had several more seizures. and supposedly, no one knows what happened. so for all we know it could have been physical abuse (which seems to be what the sheriff's dept. thinks, an accident that happened out of site (at the babysitter's, if so - i KNOW it didn't happen in my home), or it could have been something spontaneous that was waiting to happen and the bleeding could have been triggered from something minor. luckily, she has recovered beautifully and you'd never know she ever went through that. but yeah. they are very fragile little beings.

and just so you know.. i'm not implying that donny would take something like that lightly, i know he loves y'alls little man to death. i'm just saying, i get where you're coming from with that fear.

I'm not sure, but I know I'm protective of my boys. Not looking forward to the phone calls from girls too much, either.

But I take my responsibility as a parent of boys damned seriously regarding pregnancy. They will NOT inseminate anyone (and if they came on the market with a birth control device for boys, they'd be at the doctors office pronto).

I'm not naive enough to think that abstinence is an assured thing, so they will be taught that they have a responsibility to THEMSELVES to not impregnate anyone.

Please, lord, let me have MANY more years before I start to seriously worry about this. With three pregnancies at the junior high in my district this year, it's coming sooner rather than later, I think.

I was raised with a double standard all the way. Everything you just said. I think both boys and girls should be parented with equal caution and not give one child more priveleges or freedom than the other based on gender.

Okay, first, this question requires us to address something that we don't like to publicly acknowledge: Boys and girls are different. For all the talk of equality, boys and girls -- as well as men and women - simply ARE different. The same argument that is made here could be made of adults: We much more casually send men into war zones than we do women. We put men in positions of power and stress much quicker than we do women. It's just a fact.

What's interesting to me here is that this debate can take on a whole different tone depending on what kind of abuse we're talking about, and it revolves around word usage. I think when you talk about children being sexually abused, we tend to think girls. When we talk about sexual molestation, we think boys. We also, with molestation, tend to think about boys being molested by men (Chester the Molester. You never hear about Hesther The Molester).

I have a 13 year old son and a 13 year old sister (they are six months apart) that is like my daughter.

I'm just as worried about teen age pregnancy for the both of them, I dont even want to think about him being a parent at 20!!!

I talk to both of them equally about sex and being ready and whats appropriate and what's not and that being teenage parents is not a game! There is no fun in it! AT ALL!!

I do believe parents treat and teach their sons and daughters differently. It goes back generations and generations. My mom had 2 girls and 4 boys, with me being the oldest and my sister being the youngest. My mother rarely lets my sister go anywhere without a trusting adult.

My brothers im sure she only gave it 30 minutes consideration!

In my family girls were definitely treated differently by my grandparents. Boys could go fishing god-knows-where with god-knows-who, but we (my sister and I) were not even allowed to walk to school and that was a block away. As we got older I have to admit my mom became pretty permissive and let us have boys in our room. Granted a long conversation came with that, but all my aunts and grandma thought my mom was looking to become a grandma real early and criticised her alot. I had my first at 24 and my sister had hers at 20, btw.
I only have two girls and I don't think we don't really treat them any certain way. My oldest has a ballet classes, but once she gets home she plays in her treehouse, plays cars or legos with her cousin or helps her dad with car stuff. She loves ice skating... comes home all bruised up and wants to do it again. There are times I think what she's doing is not very ladylike, but she seems to enjoy herself and is hurting no-one so I just let it go. Hubby and I pretty much let her decide what she wants to do within limits.
My baby girl, soon to be 7 months, plays alot rougher than my older daughter. She can't quite crawl, but she tries and sometimes succeeds in rolling off the sofa, bouncer, carrier, anything really. If you're holding her she rolls, crawls and steps all over you. She also loves to throw stuff, anything as far as possible. If you don't get her a toy fast enough watch for her little hand cause she likes to slap. I know all babies have to be watched at all times, but I can't even leave her in her crib while I got to potty cause she will be into something when I return.
I'm looking forward to seeing them all grown-up and I doubt that my husband or I would allow them to have sex as teenagers, but I remember being a teenager and all the sneaking around some kids would do. I knew of kids that would have sex in really unsafe places and that is scary. Maybe having them under your roof is the safest thing. Honestly, my first reaction is no, no sex ever for my kids until they are degreed, married and on their own, but I'm just going play it by ear.

Obviously I can't speak to the parenting issue but with regard to "protecting girls". The plain and simple truth is, girls need to be more aware of predators than boys. Sure at a young age they are both likely victims of pedophiles and the like, but as they get older a girl walking down the street alone is a HECK of a lot more likely to be mugged, raped, attacked, victimized than a man, simply because, as a female, she's seen as a better target.

Perhaps that's why parents raise them differently.

I can say yes, yes we are doing our boys a disservice. And I can say that I am guilty of it at times(in regards to my godson) but have to remember that kids are kids and vulnerable is vulnerable.

Prime example of generally not thinking boys and girls are equally vulnerable to abuse: I was sitting near the restrooms at Applebee's over the weekend I saw several little boys go into the restroom by themselves but every little girl had an escort. I didn't even see the obligatory Mom takes the son AND daughter in the Ladies room. The boy went to the left the girl and Mom to the right.
That boy was just as vulnerable in the Men's room as that little girl could have been alone in the ladies room, but because he was permitted to go to the restroom by himself.

The Mom and sister did wait for him outside of the restroom.

Well, my brother and I were treated differently. We are totally different - he's cautious, reserved, and orderly. I'm impulsive, adventurous, and scattered.

I don't know how much of the difference in the way we were treated is related to biological differences. My parents may have felt that I needed more supervision and structure because I was more likely to get into trouble (based on my personality and behaviors). I do think that they worried less about my brother becoming sexually active and things related to the opposite sex.

As for how I would treat my son versus my daughter. No child is permitted to have sex in my home. Boy or girl - I don't want them doing it until they are mature and responsible enough to deal with all possible consequences. I'm married and still don't feel comfortable doing it in my parent's home! There should be some respect for your parents...

I expect the same from a boy or girl: self-respect, respect for us (parents), and respect for others.

Milo will treat women well or I will kick his ass. Seriously.

Hmm...

I don't have any children myself, but this is something that has bothered me since I was thirteen years old. My brother was allowed to hang out late after school, go out and not tell my parents where or with whom, and was even allowed to entertain female company alone in his room. Me? I came home straight after school, left numbers to where I was going and had to introduce whomever I was going out with, and couldn't entertain any male friends unless it was on the living room couch.

When my brother was 14, my parents found a 5 gallon ziploc bag full of condoms in my brothers laundry and handed it back to him. When I was 17, they found BCP in my nightstand they practically locked me away for a year.

Its so ironic, because none of this protected me from anything. I still had sex with my boyfriend, I still experienced molestation and I was still sexually assaulted. However biased, I understand that it was all well intentioned; so then the question becomes about what IS appropriate? What IS fair? What IS effective? It boggles my mind, because short of isolating my future children from society, I have no clue. But then, I guess that why I don't have any kids. :)

My son, doesnt' hear he is a boy it is ok, he just does it, he has had stitches, he rides his skateboard with no fear, he ski's like he is on fire, it is insane to me. Now my daughter as athletic also but her sports don't usually land you in the hospital.

I can honestly answer that in my house, a boy would be treated no different than a girl. I have a 4 year old girl but I think that if she had been a boy or if we ever have a boy, he would be just as protected and rules would be just as strict as hers. I'm super paranoid though. I put so much love and work into her as my child, regardless of sex, that the thought of some ass hole snatching her up or hurting her, once again regardless of sex, would absolutely devastate and kill me in a very literal sense. The thought of any kind of pain falling on my child hurts me to the core. And no, I would not allow my son to have sex in my house. Nor my daughter. I think it should be a very obvious answer as to why one wouldn't. Until my daughter can support herself and a family and has accomplished a few things in life, I will not condone her having sex. Or any other person.

My opinion is that it should be more of a child by child basis than boys versus girls. Both sexes have the ability to do some stupid shit and regularly do.

Boys and girls are definitely raised differently. Now that Im older and Im closer to my dad, he admits to me that he does the same shit Ive done, yet when I throw him that curveball when it comes to curfew, he uses the excuse that hes a "man" and when he was my age, he could do that. SO WHAT?? Youre in the same line of risks that Id be in if were coming home at the same time. (Of course Im talking about if he were my age, my situation, etc.) and theres a bunch of other stuff that he and my mother do that makes me know in fact, if I were a boy, id definitely be treated way different.

Another aspect, which you brought up when it came to your brother, crushes and sex. Its definitely something else thats different when raising boys and girls. The girls are expected to be virgins or saints till marriage and even then you wont see them talking about it to their mothers... while boys converse all day about it and its totally natural.

WTF? Im a female, I have hormones 2!!!

I know when I have my kids, theyre gonna be treated the same. Equality goes in my house. That "hes a boy, youre a girl" double standard doesnt rock with me.

Treating girls like they're fragile little beings that can't fend for themselves and treating little boys like they can be thrown out the house by age 5 and survive out there on the streets is how my family has rolled since I can remember. I don't agree with it...not even a little bit. Meanwhile, my 23 year old brother has 2 boys that are definetly his, just found out his little girl is not and there is probably one on the way that will need a paternity test.

"Stop spreading your seed to them damn chicken heads before I catch you on an episode of Maury."

Maybe if they put as much boundaries on him as they did on me, this wouldn't be happening. Then again, he was raised by my father and step mom who both had their fist kids when they were 15. I was raised by my grandparents, I was a precious little jewel in grandpa's eyes and no one was going to tarnish that. No boyfriends till 18(even then he freaked out), having friends that were boys? Pshhhh. Not in a million years. Sleep overs? Like I said in the blog about sleepovers... grandma the pitbull was sent to make sure all was clear. My brothers, uncle and father were never treated like that. They could wander the streets of Bx and Staten Island without anyone batting an eyelash.

When my Mother's boyfriend abused me I couldn't be out of my grandparent's reach for yeeeears. When my brother was being threatened by a store clerk, he was told to handle it like a man and stand up for himself. Granted I was 3 or 4 when that happened to me, my brother was 11 or 12. Still, I would have walked my happy ass down to that store with a shot gun and threaten a grown man's life, if that were my son.

Fortunately, nothing ever happened to the men in my family. They were never in any real danger but I don't think I would be able to take that risk with my child, boy or girl.

To be honest, one of the reasons I fear ever having children is that I can't control all the people my hypothetical kids come into contact with. There's a whole wide world out there that's dangerous to boys and girls! Also, sex would be outlawed for my children until they're old and gray. There will be no sex in my house unless it's me and my non-existent husband. None of this "at least he's doing it at home" crap, like when parents allow their kids to drink under their supervision. BAD MOVE.

When I was a kid, I had one friend. One friend until the 6th grade. My parents were best friends with her parents so I did get to sleep at her house, and I got to sleep at weekend camp for Girl Scouts (don't get the wrong idea, those bitches weren't my friends either >.<). I'm sure if I'd had more friends I'd be able to answer this more beneficially, but since I was somewhat of a friendless loser until I hit my double digits I'm falling short of the bar.

"Are boys and girls raised differently, and if so, are boys put more at risk because of it?"

In our house, no. My boy and girl each have their own skateboards and get lessons from Daddy. Granted, Zoe's might be pink because that's her preference but we certainly don't have boy activities and girl activities.

When Leo jumps off the couch, it's not "excused" because he's a boy and "it's what boys do," because the girl does it too. And they'll both be in "big trouble, mister."

I have to say though that the way Leo plays is different than the way Zoe played. Almost everything is a zoo-er (sword) or some kind of weapon and he is a lot more physical than she was at that age. Everyone I've talked to about it says that it's because he's a boy and it's the testosterone that makes him act and play the way he does. But just recently I read that boys and girls have the same testosterone level before the age of eight. Very interesting...

And ain't nobody having sex in my house. Good night!