Survivor: Tocantins Epis. 1 & 2

February 20, 2009 by nina
Filed under Survivor: Tocantins

Week 1: “Let’s Get Rid of the Weak Players Before We Even Start”

Usually Donny and I will pick who we think will win from first impressions, but since I’m watching (and recapping) two weeks worth alone, Donny’s prediction will be in next week’s recap of episode 3.

So, let’s get started with episode 1. Last night’s recap (episode 2) starts after the next blue header.

It’s in Brazil this season. The Tocantin desserts. One of the most isolated places on Earth. They’ll have to share the few rivers with all the wildlife. Nice.

There are two tribes. Red = Jalapao and Black = Timbira

The two tribes are told they have 60 seconds to grab as many supplies as they can from the truck they arrived in. Already Timbira is kicking ass. They took all the water and bags of food.

Before they start off on their four hour journey to camp, Jeff tells them they each have to vote for one person not making the journey.

Jalapao (red tribe) votes for the older lady, Sandy. Why they hatin’? She ain’t even that old! Timbira (black tribe) vote for the young blonde who also happens to have strep throat (Sierra) Jeff then reveals that the two outcasts will be arriving at camp by helicopter while everyone else hoofs it.

Sandy is happy and praising God. Jeff tells her, “Slow yo roll.” This game is about social integration and she needs to figure out a way to reverse that negative first impression and not be smiling right now. She still smiles and nods like she hasn’t heard one word he says. This annoys me.

"I can't stop smiling!"

Jalapao (red) takes off. We find they have Spencer who is 19 and the youngest Survivor contestant ever. Taj, who is black, starts talking to Carolina who immediately starts talking “black.”

"I hear you, girlfriend."

Not even her Panamanian roots quell my desire to slap her.

They also have J.T., a cattle rancher. He’s a good ole boy from Alabama. And he’s HOT! Stephen, a corporate accountant with glasses, worries that J.T. won’t take to him, “an anxious NY Jew,” too well.

I vote for J.T.... to take his shirt off.

Timbira is on their way as well.

Jerry just got back from Afghanistan and he already admits that a brotha ain’t tryna be in charge. “Coach” has a mullet and is annoying. He’s all large and in charge and trying to form an alliance with Brendan.

"A brotha ain't tryna be in charge."

Sandy gets to the Jalapao camp and cries. She finds a note that says she can spend the extra time setting up the camp which may curry favor, or she can search for the hidden immunity idol. She chooses to look for the idol.

Sierra arrives at Timbira’s camp, and decides to set up the camp.

"Not giving them any more reasons to vote my ass off."

When Jalapao arrives they greet Sandy with open arms like they didn’t just vote her as most useless. Secretly though, some are seething that she didn’t set up camp while she was there. Sandy reasons that they already don’t like her and she wasn’t going to waste her energy doing something that wouldn’t be appreciated. I don’t know. She didn’t find the idol so this may have been a dumb move.

When Timbira arrives, it’s nighttime, and though they all appreciate the fact that she busted her sick ass building their shelter, Coach still thinks Sierra needs to go.

Coach: Always classy.

Jalapao Day 2:

While the tribe is working on shelter, Sandy makes an excuse to go off and find the Idol. She finds the next clue which tells her to walk ten paces towards the lone palm tree. And apparently she doesn’t know what a pace is… or a palm tree ’cause she can’t find it. Jesus

Timbira Day 2:

Tyson is not your stereotypical Mormon. He’s walking around naked. The girls are all atwitter. He wants to spend the million dollars on a man-tiara. Um, okay.

"I will spend the million putting furs on my back and diamonds on these pretty fingers."

Yes, he really did say that.

Day 3:

The first immunity challenge gets underway (the tribes have to wade through water to recover planks to build a staircase, make their way up the stairs and complete a table maze) and J.T. proves to be a strong competitor. Carolina is struggling to stay up as the teams walk through water with their planks. She’s also struggling to keep her top up.

As Timbira starts working on their staircase, Sierra’s bare ass has to be blurred out. Jalapao completes their staircase first and starts working on a table maze. Timbira catches up and starts theirs as well.

Timbira wins! Immunity and fire.

At Jalapao everyone is bickering. Taj called Carolina out and Carolina agreed with her. “Yes, I am a whiny bitch.”

Spencer doesn’t think they should get rid of Sandy. The others are wavering between Sandy and Carolina.

Spencer, at 19, proves to be the voice of reason.

Carolina apologizes to Sandy for calling her an old lady when she voted for her. Sandy is all forgiving ’cause she knows she still has the possibility of finding the Idol.

At Tribal Council:

JT calls Sandy out for not doing any work at the camp while they had to get there by foot, and then Cindy calls her out for disappearing the second day. Carolina completely admits that she’s bossy and opinionated and that sometimes it comes off as whiny. That seems to have won her some favor with the other tribemates.

It’s time to vote and Carolina and Sandy each vote for the other one. We don’t get to see anyone else’s vote. Jeff doesn’t even ask if anyone has the Idol. Guess Sandy never figured out what paces are.

Carolina gets five votes to Sandy’s one. And she’s gone. I’m in total shock!

Sweet Carolina... first voted off.

Ok, I gotta put my money on J.T. at this point to win it all.

Week 2: “The Poison Apple Needs To Go”

Previously on Survivor: Jalapao (red) and Timbira (black) are stranded in Brazil. Thinking they were voting out one of their own on first impressions, they voted Sierra and Sandy off the trek to camp. Sandy decided to search for the hidden immunity idol, while Sierra set up her tribe’s camp instead. Jalapao went to tribal council first where Carolina’s bossiness made her the first castaway voted off.

Night 3:

Jalapao make fire with their new flint given to them at tribal council. Sandy is thanking everyone for keeping her around, but Spencer reveals to us that really she just swapped places with Carolina. She’ll be going second instead of first.

And we have credits…

Day 4:

Jalapao is in desperate need of protein and decide to eat termites. This is where they’d vote my black ass right off. They find a huge, fat worm and some of the guys eat it.

At Timbira

They struggle to make fire with their flint. Sierra confides in Brendan about the hidden immunity idol. She tells him because he didn’t vote for her that first day. They head off to find it. They’re gone forever and get caught digging for the next clue. Sierra covers and says they were building a fire pit. Candace calls the idea out as stupid and says she’d rather sit around camp and talk shit. Why trek to the beach to do it?

Candace prefers to do her shit-talking close to home.

Day 5:

Timbira: Candace and Coach clash over whether or not Candace should cook the rice and beans in the same pot. Next thing you know, they’re all flirty flirty and kissy kissy. Coach wants to hit that. Just sayin’.

Jalapao: Dumbass Taj lets loose that her husband is this big-time football analyst and Heisman Trophy winner, Eddie George. She would have been better off telling everyone she used to be in SWV. They know they ain’t had a hit in 15 years. They would think she was broke like everyone else!

"Don't worry about whether I NEED it or not, I WANT it!"

Stephen, the self-proclaimed NY Jew, is the only guy on the tribe who doesn’t know who Eddie George is. The others are creaming in their shorts. JT, with his fine ass, reasons that he probably needs the million dollars more than she does. True dat.

"S.W. Who?"

Immunity challenge: while in the water each team tries to score baskets while the other tribe tries to stop them. They’re also playing for fishing gear. Also, the winning tribe will send one member of the losing tribe to Exile Island where they’ll get a clue to the hidden immunity idol. There’s also a twist that Jeff will read later.

There’s lots of titties flapping and ass exposed during the challenge. Taj manhandles many women much smaller than her. Jalapao wins as Stephen makes the winning basket.

Jalapao sends Brendan to Exile Island and twist reveals that he gets to pick a member of the winning team to go with him. He chooses Taj.

Jalapao spends their day fishing and J.T. has Stephen swooning. I don’t know if he’s gay, but he’s in love.

Exile Island Day 5:

Taj and Brendan get their provisions and then they each have to choose an urn. Taj’s is empty and Brendan’s has a clue that he has to read in private. He also had an opportunity to join Jalapao, but he ain’t having it.

Taj convinces him to let her help him look for the idol, and thanks to her, he realizes that the idols are at camp, but the clues are at Exile. They spend their remaining time bonding and agree to team up should they make the merge.

At Timbira:

Candace is salty ’cause they lost. She’s pushing for Coach to get voted off. I can’t decide if I know her, or she just reminds me of every bitch I’ve ever met. Debbie goes to Coach and drops a dollar worth of dimes telling him that Candace has been trash talking him. Two weeks in a row Coach has the episode title quote, “The poison apple (Candace) needs to go.” Candace wasn’t on the radar. Sierra was, but her big mouth just made her a target.

Snitches get stitches. Just sayin', Debbie.

Day 6:

Brendan returns to camp and tells everyone that Taj picked the urn with the clue, looked for the idol alone, and never said if she found it or not. Smart.

"I don't know nuffin' 'bout no idol!"

Tyson realizes that Candace performed better than Sierra and doesn’t necessarily think it’s wise to vote off Candace. Everyone’s all paranoid and Tyson and Jerry giggle a lot.

At Tribal Council:

Jerry is saying how hard it is to vote this early because they have bonded and Erin scrunches up her face. Jeff calls her on it and she’s all, “I don’t know these fools.” Debbie, ever the suck up, disagrees and pretty much dimes herself out for having an alliance with someone by saying, “Oh, I have trust with people.” Dumbass.

Vote time.

Sierra votes for Candace. And that’s all we see. Jeff tallies the votes.

Candace gets five votes. Sierra gets one. Candace is gone. She opened her mouth around the wrong people. You can’t trust blondes!