Nip/Tuck – Season 5.5 Epi. 6: Budi Sabri

Previously on Nip/Tuck: Sean hires Teddy Rowe (Starbuck from BSG) as Liz’s replacement. They have sex. Christian injects Jenna’s lips so that she can land baby modeling jobs. Liz returns to Miami.

And now…

Teddy takes Sean to one of those pitch-black restaurants hoping to lower his inhibitions – kinky play while you’re surrounded by a bunch of people who can’t see you. But his cell phone rings and he takes Julia’s call. And continues to take it as Teddy asks him to hang up. He doesn’t and she leaves him alone in the dark. Even after she leaves, she continues to whisper. It’s annoying.

And we have credits…

“Make me beautiful. Make meeeeeeeee….”

Sean and Christian are going to treat Mr. Budi Sabri. When he was 18, he scraped his foot while swimming, and began to develop warts. Because of his rare immune deficiency, the warts continued to grow. They are all over his hands and feet, legs and face. He looks like something out of Pirates of the Caribbean. No, you know what his hands and feet look like? The onion blossom at Outback Steakhouse. He wants them to cut off the warts and fix his skin so he can feel human again. The surgery begins…

Christian wants to call a press conference to gain notoriety over the surgery since Mr. Sabri can’t pay. Sean calls him insensitive. Christian leaves to see what Kimber wants when she shows up. Sean wants a second chance with Teddy, but she says that if she wanted to be with a pussy, she’d be a lesbian.

Not on this show.

Jenna’s collagen has been absorbed and Kimber wants her to have another shot so she can land a job for Target. Christian refuses and Kimber threatens to go to another doctor.  Sean walks in on them arguing and Kimber tells him that Christian refuses to shoot up Jenna’s lips… again. Sean tells Kimber if she has Jenna injected again he’ll have her arrested. Christian tries to make excuses for what he did. Sean lays him out.

Sean shows up at Teddy’s very nice house where she has champagne waiting. They have sex in a bedroom only to be interrupted by a real estate agent and a couple looking to buy. Turns out, it’s not her house. She thought having sex in an open house would be hot. Sean offers to buy the house to keep the agent from calling the cops.

"Double-dog dare me, and I'll do anything!"

Christian goes back to his doctor and finds out his cancer has spread.  He has six months to live. When he gets home he wants to tell Sean about it, but he’s too busy running off to be a rebel without a brain with Teddy.

Christian steals a bunch of drugs from McNamara/Troy in the middle of the night. He finds Mr. Sabri practicing walking. Christian asks him if he ever considered taking his own life considering all he’s been through. Mr. Sabri says that no, because even in that body, he believes he’s a true expression of God. He tells Christian he should pray because his prayers brought him to Christian and closer to his true dream of having a woman in his life- someone that would accept him as he is, laugh at his jokes, etc.

Sean, meanwhile, is out in the desert with Teddy tripping on drugs. Next, they’ll be robbing a bank.

Liz is at her new job back in Miami. She’s in the middle of a surgery when Christian shows up begging her to come back. He’s wearing an old Cuban man’s hat.

Liz’s new boss is all, “You can’t be in here!”

“It’s okay, I’m a doctor.”

She doesn’t say shit else ’cause I suppose him being a doctor suddenly made the room sterile again.

Christian goes on and on about how he knows he’s a prick, but he’s sorry for the way he treated Liz. He needs her to keep him straight (no pun intended.) He needs wants her to come back to California with him. When she wants to know what would be different if she returned, Christian asks Liz to marry him. And he pulls out a fat rock. Yowzers!

Sean and Christian are prepping for another surgery on Mr. Sabri, and Sean’s not happy at the new engagement. He thinks Christian is going to hurt Liz.  Linda is going to be their maid-of-honor. Teddy’s not at work because she’s still hungover for their drug trip the night before, but Sean says she ate something that didn’t agree with her. He’s still tripping during the surgery and can’t perform.

Liz is doing drug inventory and notices the missing drugs. She goes to Christian and blames it on Teddy. Christian admits that he took the drugs to take his own life. Liz realizes that Christian’s cancer is back and that’s the only reason he asked her to marry him. She throws the ring at him and storms out.

(As much as I’m confused by the direction this show is taking, I really did enjoy the conversation. It was heartbreaking and Julian McMahon had one of those rare human moments.)

Teddy surprises Sean at work, at night, with lots of candles and a skimpy outfit. She wants to do it on a surgery table and on nitrous.  He’s worried about the possibility of an explosion. She’s sick of his balls being firmly in his back pocket. Sean says she has gone too far. He was still tripping during a surgery and had to donate to the realtor’s favorite charity when he backed out of buying the house. Teddy dumps him.

Christian finally tells Sean that he’s dying. Sean wants Christian to sign up for clinical trials and fight, but all Christian wants to do is live out the time he has left without treatment.

Christian is checking on Mr. Sabri, who begins to cry. He has found new warts higher up his leg. They have grown aggressively since he noticed them that morning.

“I had such hope,” he cries.

“Me too,” Christian says.

Christian is eating yogurt in the break room when Liz comes in and says she’s gonna marry him. If anything, she gets a big, fat, honking, $150K ring out of it. He jokes he’ll be dead before they can get divorced. As she walks out the room he says, “Nice ass.”

“And it’s all yours.”

UGH! I don’t even know what’s going on anymore. Do you?

But I can’t front. As confused as I am, there’s a part of me that finds it sweet because he’s dying.

What about you?