Nip/Tuck Season 5.5 Epi 5: Manny Skerritt

Previously on Nip/Tuck: Kimber and Matt announce they are married. A hot minute later, Kimber leaves Matt to return to porn taking their daughter, Jenna, with her. Sean hooks with a  psycho-agent, Colleen. Sean becomes the new star of Hearts & Scalpels. When another agent tries to steal Sean, Colleen kills him by stuffing him like a teddy bear and then tries to kill herself. Julia’s girlfriend, Olivia dies when Sean operates on her and Julia announces she is still moving to NY. Christian and Liz have sex and Liz claims she doesn’t like men, just Christian. After catching Christian sleeping with several women, Liz resigns and moves back to Miami.

And now…

“Tell us what you don’t like about yourself?”

During a very intense yoga session, Manny Skerritt discovered that he can suck his own penis. He wants it reduced. The doctors don’t believe he can self-fellatio, so he gets in the position to show them.  He can’t hold down a job or relationship because all he does is suck his own penis all day.

And we have credits…

Make me beautiful. Make meeeeeee…

Kimber’s at McNamara/Troy asking Christian for lip injections. Not for her, but for baby Jenna. Her modeling agents want Kimber to do something about Jenna’s thin villainous lips.  Christian refuses and threatens to get custody of Jenna if Kimber gets any work done on her.

Kimber needs her ass kicked. For real.

Sean thinks Christian should look into any doctors that would perform plastic surgery on a baby so they can be reported. Christian is too busy trying to figure out how to shrink Manny’s dong, but swears he put the fear of God in Kimber. Sean takes charge of interviewing Liz’s replacement so that Christian won’t hire someone because she’s hot.

And that’s exactly what Sean does. It’s Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica! And she actually looks like a girl! She has on make-up and a girly hair-do. She’s also covered in tattoos. She’s a like a blond Angelina Jolie. She’s hired!

She cleans up nicely.

Christian meets with Jenna’s agents, The Steves. They won’t disclose which doctors they use and explain that Jenna’s lips will stop her from making good money. While at their office they get a call that books another baby on a $10K/day gig. Christian’s greedy ass is sold. He decides to be Jenna’s agent instead.

Best.Grandpa.Ever.

Aidan, the former star of Hearts & Scalpels, presents a script he wrote to Sean. It’s based on Sean’s life. He took some artistic license though and in it, he has Sean sleeping Colleen. Colleen is played by Morgan Fairchild who does a spot-on impersonation of Sharon Gless’ Colleen. Every time she says, “Cookie,” I crack up laughing. Which is good cause the script is a joke. Sean refuses to sell the rights to his story. Aidan tells Sean that he owes him because sleeping with Olivia’s teen daughter is what got him fired and Sean hired.

Christian and Kimber are waiting to be seen at an audition for Jenna. Fed up with waiting, they storm in and the baby is rejected right away. They blame it on her thin, villainous lips. They need to blame it on the fact that the baby is just plain unfortunate looking. Don’t judge me!

Before Manny’s surgery, Starbuck (Her name is Teddy, but Ima call her Starbuck) takes a peek at Manny’s penis. Apparently, it’s huge.  Starbuck wants to take a pic with it, but Sean won’t allow it. She pulls a little peer pressure on him (Christian must be the fun one) and it works. Jesus, how many seasons will his mid-life crisis last?

Aidan shows up and gets his picture taken too. Malpractice, much? Sean still refuses to sign over his story rights and Aidan storms out.

Christian prepares to give Jenna a collagen shot in her lips. And if he does, I just may turn the channel and never watch again.  Thank God! He comes to his senses and leaves the room, but of course leaves the collagen there! Kimber injects baby Jenna’s lips. Has this show completely run out of ideas?! The Steves and Kimber toast to Jenna’s new Shiloh Jolie lips.

Manny is recuperating at McNamara/Troy when Aidan shows up and tells him about the weenie-pics.  He convinces Manny to sue… and to show him how to suck his own penis.

Christian wants to fire Starbuck since the yoga teacher is threatening to sue.  Starbucks says there’s no evidence because she deleted the pictures. Yeah, right. Everyone knows there’s only three good reasons to take a picture with/of a penis and all require that you keep the damn picture.

Christian is at home sulking with Sean when Matt comes in and stabs him in the arm with a needle. He is furious over Jenna’s lips. Christian calls Kimber on speakerphone so she can admit she did the injections herself. Matt apologizes to Christian and his arm.

Sean is considering selling his story rights for $350K. Starbuck convinces him he should do it.  She goads him into doing what he wants to do, and not caring what people think, and yada yada yada. Every season Sean meets someone that gets him to act like an ass because his mid-life crisis is long and strong. Remember the frat boys, Aidan from last season, Christian, the crazy Nanny, Kimber? EVERYONE can convince Sean to do anything. BOR-ING.

Starbuck and Sean have sex.

Aidan is back at the office. He said he was bird doggin down Sunset and hit an ice patch. He broke his neck. He wants some surgery to correct the scars left by the head brace… and he also wants his dick enlarged.

Christian, “You broke your neck trying to suck your dick, didn’t you?”

LMAO! Okay, I didn’t see that coming. I really didn’t. The fool feel off the bed and broke his neck trying to suck is own pee-pee.

“I just wanted to give it little baby kisses. That’s all.”

Before Aidan’s surgery, Sean takes a pic of his itty-bitty-weenie with Starbuck’s camera phone. They then ride her hog into the sunset. If Sean buys a motorcycle, I’m out.

Christian is with Jenna and telling her how much he loves her. He also tells her she’s beautiful, which is lie. It’s so cute though cause he’s whispering and the little girl playing Jenna keeps whispering back.  Jenna begins her first photo shoot and Christian flashes back to walking in on Kimber injecting Jenna’s lips. He steps in and finishes the job. Kimber agrees to take the fall.

And for two weeks straight, I’m disgusted.
What is this show about anymore?