Battlestar Galactica Season 4.5 Epi. 14: Blood on the Scales

Previously on Battlestar Galactica: Gaeta makes a deal with the devil (Zarek) and takes over Galactica. Adama and Tigh escape custody by taking names and kicking ass – in that order. The President and Gaius head for the Cylon base ship in a raptor as Adama and Tigh prepare to go out PIMP-style. Gaeta orders the fleeing Raptor shot down ’cause he’s a little bitch.

And now…

1041 Hours

Adama and Tigh are taken into custody after the grenade goes off.

Hot Dog, a.k.a Callie’s new baby daddy, can’t bring himself to fire on the Raptor. Roslin gets on the air and makes sure they know she’s aboard the Raptor so they BETTER NOT shoot it down.

The Brig Rat (the one who was going to rape the Six aboard Pegasus until Tyrol and Helo killed his friend) tells Gaeta they have Adama and Tigh. Gaeta orders Tigh to the brig and Adama to the CIC deck. Gaeta gets on the horn and orders Hot Dog to fire on the Raptor. He actually identified himself as “Galactica Actual.” He’s not fit to utter those words. (Even though I’ve been known to answer my phone at home that way. Don’t judge me.)

Nitro jumps in front of Hot Dog and fires on the Raptor but one of the Sharons is a bad mofo and dodges the missile like it ain’t no thang. It hits the Cylon base ship instead. Ruh-roh. The Raptor boards the base ship and Felix Gaeta shits his pants.

1050 Hours – Cylon rebel base ship

The Cylons aboard the base ship want to know why they’re being fired on. Roslin tells the Cylons what’s gone on aboard Galactica. She tries to convince the Cylons not to jump away. She thinks they should position themselves in the middle of the fleet and allow Adama time to get back control of Galactica. The Cylons are skeptical, but she assures them that Gaeta is not just missing a leg, he’s missing his nuts, and he will not fire upon them if they’re hidden amongst the fleet.

Brig Rat brings Adama to the CIC. Gaeta wants Adama to call Roslin and ask her to surrender. Adama takes off his Admiral pins and tosses them to Gaeta, “You’re the Admiral now, so you call up Roslin and make her laugh.” The Cylon base ship moves within the fleet and Adama laughs.
See, this is what’s great about this show. Adama knows Roslin’s a badass, and she knows he’s a badass, and we know they’re both bad asses so at the end of the day… Gaeta’s frakked.

Gaeta orders his ships to stand down. ‘Cause as Roslin predicted, his balls are firmly in his back pocket.

“Now, are you going to shoot me, Mr. Gaeta?” Adama wants to know.

And we have credits!

I love these credits. I’m going to miss these credits. But they really need to stop showing us what we’re gonna see in the episode. That was such a bad idea.

While Starbuck and Lee hide, Zarek returns to Galactica. He’s all laughing and joking around. Yeah, see how long that lasts, bastard.

1118 Hours

Roslin is trying to communicate with the fleet, but Galactica has the frequency jammed.

In the brig, Helo is still unconscious and Tigh and Anders are bruised up.

Gaeta, in Adama’s office (the nerve!), tells Zarek that he didn’t have to bring the Quorum aboard Galactica, but Zarek insists that he wants them where he can keep an eye on them. Especially since Gaeta is insisting on having a trial for Adama.

1131 Hours – D Deck, Corridor 2

Tyrol hides and watches as Romo Lampkin, the lawyer that represented Gaius in his trial, is brought to Adama’s quarters. Zarek informs Lampkin that he will be representing Adama as he is tried for his crimes of treason, desertion, giving aid and comfort to the enemy, and gross dereliction of duty; he needs a lawyer.

“They need a pimp,” Adama growls.

No, Adama! You’re the PIMP!

Gaeta will represent the people and Zarek will be the judge. Yeah, that’s fair.

“Shove it up your ass! I don’t need a lawyer.”

See, told you. PIMP.

Roslin tries to reach the fleet, but the frequency is still jammed. One of the Sixes points out that the fleet isn’t even protecting them as some of them have scattered and the Viper patrols are arming their weapons, baiting them into reacting. Tori thinks it’s time the Cylons have a come to Jesus meeting.

Tyrol opens a vent and squeezes his big ass in it. He’s like Pooh in a honey pot.

"Can Final Fives lose weight?"

1222 Hours – Colonial One (docked aboard Galactica)

Zarek tries to convince the Quorum to go along with him, but they ain’t having it. So say them all. He leaves the room and orders them all shot. Oh, no he didn’t!! Brig Rat is ordered to go get Gaeta, but he doesn’t look happy with the turn of events.

1245 Hours

Gaeta is all shocked and outraged by the murder of the Quorum. He said they had the truth on their side, and now they have nothing. Zarek is all, “This is war, bitch.” And Adama is next.

Tyrol is still scooting his fat ass through the tiny vents.

1248 Hours – Cylon rebel base ship

Tori informs Roslin that the Cylons have decided to jump away. They have a chance to survive and they want to take it. Adama is probably already dead. Roslin won’t hear it. She said they have beaten the odds before.

“He is alive. He is alive and he will take command of this fleet again. And when that day comes he’s gonna know who stuck with him and who ran. Now who do you want to be? Who do you want to be?!”

Somebody give that woman an Emmy! Now!

1305 Hours – Ammunition Locker

Tyrol finally drags his ass halfway out the vents only to be confronted by Brig Rat. He’s surprised to see that he was released, but too tired to really care. He’s also too tired to get out when ordered to so he tells Brig Rat to just shoot him right then and there. They share a laugh and Brig Rat seems to be forgetting all about how Tyrol and Helo killed his friend on Pegasus.

“Heard your kid’s not a Cylon. Coulda told you she was trouble.”

1. Is now really the time to remind him his wife was a whore?
2. How come WE never saw this whorish side of Callie? Damn.

Brig Rat has a change of heart and lets Tyrol go.

Adama tells Lampkin that he refuses to give a statement and tells him that he will get a bullet and not a pat on the back for going along with this sham of a trial. Lampkin whispers to Adama that there are people out there fighting for him and he should give them some time to mobilize. He wants Adama to stall.

On the base ship, a Natalie tends to Gaius.

1337 Hours Holding Cell Corridor

Starbuck and Lee take out four guards in front of the brig and release Tigh, pregnant Caprica Six, Anders, Hera, Helo, and Athena.

In the hall, Anders and Starbuck stop to get weapons off the dead guards when Anders takes a bullet to the neck. Nooo, not Anders! He’s a final five! And he’s hot!

Say it ain't so!

In the confusion, I hear Colonel Tigh say to Caprica Six, “Take Hera to Baltar’s followers. No one wants to go near those nut jobs. She’ll be safe there.” HAHAHAHA!

Everyone leaves Starbuck to get Anders to Doc Coddle. This is frakked up and I can barely watch. I loves me some Anders.

1342 Hours

Gaeta is trying to get Adama to admit his wrongdoing and Adama’s all, “Bite me.” Zarek gets a call that Tigh and the other prisoners have escaped, but he lies and tells Adama Tigh is dead. Gaeta apologizes to Adama. I take it back, he has balls. In fact, the last time I saw balls that big they were chasing Indiana Jones down a cavern. The audacity. Adama, predictably, tells Gimpy Gaeta to go frak himself with his apology.

Zarek declares Adama guilty and lampking calls shenanigans! Roslin comes over the horn again and tells the fleet that Gaeta took control of Galactica illegally and they shouldn’t follow. Adama looks amused.

Starbuck is struggling to drag Anders to safety when Lampkin is being escorted out by a guard. Lampkin kills the guard with a pen. Yup. A writing pen. Seems he’s pimp too. Starbuck asks for help and Lampkin refuses, but then he feels bad and helps her anyway.

Then pen IS mightier than the sword!

1435 CIC

Brig Rat informs Gaeta that 10 ships out of 35 shut down their FTL drives after Roslin’s last transmission. Now they know who’s with them and who is not. The ships that stayed online will receive their jump coordinates. Gaeta instructs Nitro to get together an execution squad he can trust.

1447 Hours
Adama is being led to his execution. He doesn’t even lose his swagger. Brig Rat can’t bring himself to go along so he stays in the hallway crying like a little beyotch.

Tyrol is still crawling through the vents. He better save the frakking day with all this vent crawling he’s doing!

Lee, Tigh, and Athena come across Brig Rat and he tells them where they took Adama. He then decides he wants to be Kool and the Gang and down for whatever. Jackass.

Adama is executed by firing squad, but it’s all a bad dream for Gaius. He’s in bed with the new Natalie number six model. Gaius realizes he has to go back to his following because they are his responsibility. Whatever. Bored now.

1502 Hours – Hangar Deck

Nitro has prepared Adama’s firing squad. Adama spits on the floor. That’s how he rolls.

1524 Hours – Cylon rebel base ship

Roslin announces that Gaeta has five minutes to stop this nonsense.

Gaeta is in Adama’s office, still holding the Admiral pins. He gets on the horn and orders the execution. But when Nitro hangs up, we see Tigh has him at gunpoint and Lee is helping Adama up. Athena and Brig Rat are holding the firing squad at gunpoint.

That’s what I’m talkin’ bout!

“I’m gonna take back my ship!”

Nitro apologizes and says that he always respected Adama, but he hates the Cylons and can’t take orders from a leader that won’t fight them. Tigh is ’bout to pop a cap in his ass when Adama orders him to stand down. I loves me some Colonel Tigh! He orders Nitro tied up instead.

In Adama’s office, Gimpy Gaeta removes his prosthetic to reveal his gnarly stump. Gross.

Tyrol is STILL in the damn vents.

On the CIC deck, Zarek tells the Cylon base ship that Tigh is dead and Adama was executed. He orders Roslin to surrender.

“No. Not now. Not ever. Do you hear me? I will use every cannon, every bomb, every bullet, every weapon I have down to my own eyeteeth to end you. I swear it! I’m coming for all of you!”

EMMY!!! Give that woman her Emmy!

And then we have commercial and I’m all scared ’cause I thought it was the end, but we still have 15 minutes. And my boobs are sweating I’m so caught up. Don’t judge me!

1528 CIC

The Cylon base ship is arming itself. Gaeta says they’re gonna jump away.

Tyrol is FINALLY out of the vents and makes his way to a computer system to shut down the FTL drive but his access is DENIED.

Adama, Tigh, Athena, Lee, and company are making their way to the CIC deck and it just so happens that all the people on their side are making their way out of hiding with weapons. Where were their asses before now?! I can’t believe Brig Rat is down with them now.

Galactica’s jump countdown begins.

Tyrol removes the FTL drive WITH HIS BARE BLEEDING CYLON HANDS!

P.I.M.P.

Adama’s posse has grown. Stumpy is in trouble now!

Zarek orders someone down to the engine room, but Gaeta knows it’s over. Zarek wants Gaeta to launch the Vipers, but I think Gaeta has a hard time hearing him over the sound of his own feces, once again, cascading down his leg.

He refuses to do it.

Adama and his crew take control of the CIC deck! Woohoo! He gets on the horn with the Cylon base ship and announces he has control of Galactica… don’t shoot our asses!

1532 Hours

Tyrol notices some damage on the walls near the jump mechanism. What the frak is that?! It can’t be damage from the outside because no one ever fired on the ship. I have a theory.

Gaeta is meeting with Gaius. It’s his religious counsel before execution. He just wants people to eventually realize who he is. Whatever.

Zarek and Gaeta are before the firing squad and wouldn’t you know it, but right before he dies his leg stops itching.

Notes:

1. I feel bad for Gaeta. I mean, he deserved what he got, but he’s been around since day one and he really was the hero behind them surviving what happened on New Caprica.
2. Donny is wondering why the fleet just doesn’t go back to Caprica, but I think the bad Cylons (Brother Cavil and co.) would know to look for them. Also, aren’t they still occupying the planet?
3. In scenes for next week, it looks like we’re gonna see D’Anna’s meeting the final five from Ellen Tigh’s perspective. I think she’s the one D’Anna apologized to because of the five, she was the only one dead.
4. What’s up with the damage Tyrol noticed? Will this hinder their jump capabilities adding to the tension with Brother Cavil and co. inevitably catch up with them?
5. What becomes of the fleet ships that didn’t disable their jump drives?
6. “This has all happened before and it will all happen again.” Now that we know the 13^th colony was Cylons, will it all happen again? Will the fleet allow the Cylons to become real member of the fleet and a seat on the Quorum? (though I suppose they need a whole new Quorum now.) So, they will once again be the 13^th colony.
7. What up with Anders?! Don’t die!
8. Am I the only one that got goosebumps over scenes for next week?
9. In the season premiere, Dualla did the “previously on Battlestar Galactica” and she died in that episode. Gaeta did it this episode and now he’s dead. Hmmm.

Also, head to YouWillKnowTheTruth.com and view the 20th clue (20th red dot from the left) and tell me that isn’t the scene where Ellen returns.

Finally, the Canadian preview of next week’s epi is even more spoilery!

Your thoughts, predictions, questions?