I Love You The Same

When I lay in the little room where they do viability sonograms, reeling from the news that not only was I going to have one baby, but I was going to be responsible for two human beings who would more than likely grow up to hate me for ruining their lives somehow, I could only think one thing: what if I don't love them both the same?

For seven months and about 13 days, I thought of nothing else but my imaginary non-love for one of them, trying to figure out which one would make the cut, and which one I would just pat on the head and smile at to hide my non-love.

But in the wee hours of the morning, when they were fighting to see who could obliterate my female organs first, I fell in love with two very different children in very different, but equal, ways.

Ever since, I have felt the same amount of love for both of them, the same incomparable, undefinable emotion that is more than love, more than obsession, more than amazement.

They drive me mad, and I want to lock them in separate closets until 2030, but sweet baby jesus I love them both like crazy.

I don't know if you have this in your town, but we have a place her called china towne and you go there and paint different china (like plates, cups, etc) they also have ponies, balls, just about everything. I've taken my girls there and painted with them. We usually have to go back though 2 pick up our creations after they've been fired but that's something my girls like. I've also taken them to get their nails painted (usually when I was getting mine done or my toes).

I'm big on crafts and have totes dedicated to this sort of stuff. So on days when the weather is bad we go to another part of the house and create stuff, we've made tie-dye shirts, bandanas, We have bedazzled and bejewelled shirts and jeans they have. Put together puzzles and then glued them. They look forward to their weekly date with mom.

I had the same feelings when I found out that I was pregnant. I was worried that I wouldn't love my son, Conner, as much as I do Lacey, my daughter. I didn't get attatched until he was born. The moment that I saw him, I fell in love. It is amazing how it expands. I don't know how some women can love their children as babies, and then not want them anymore. My aunt and uncle had three children, and when the youngest reached 3 (and their oldest was around 8), they gave them all up for adoption. My Mom and Dad wanted to adopt them, but they refused to tell them what agency they went through. The reason they gave them away is because she only like babies, and had no interest in them once they got older. I can't imagine ever falling out of love with my kids.

I was adopted and momma still made an effort to love us equally, as far as I knew. But out of lil bro, well all my bros... I was def #1 to my Daddy and that meant the world to me! I was Momma's lil sidekick and Daddy's world til Satan, aka my lil bro, came along.. Random, but he was/IS satan.

pick a hobby and make it a weekly thing...as you know by now our thing is the BaB...when went today to get a bear for a friend who just had a baby last night. We are to the point now of having people send the rare international ones like the Year of the Ox from Japan. Thing is its something we both love and have fun doing. I think the dollhouse is a great one since you can always find new things to do...
When Dei was little we would drive with music on and sing together at the top of our lungs...that was way cheaper than this BaB habit!

I'm glad you mentioned the fear of having a second child. Personally I was terrified, it felt like I was betraying my oldest somehow. It turned out great. My oldest (daughter) and my middle (son) are so close they cant stand to be apart at age 15 and 12. Of course I threw a third child in who is a total diva, and she kind of lives in her own little me world, but they are all pretty close still.

I thought I was the only one who freaked out about bringing that second child in. I will tell you that love changes as they get older. It grows and changes. I'm not as protective as I was before they went to school but still way more protective than most people seem to be. I still HAVE to know where they are at all times.

A lot of fun considering my fifteen year old is living in Germany for a year. *Dies*

Anyhow thanks for the review on my stumbleupon, I do so love words I must or I wouldn't use so damned many of them : )

Nice Blog!

PS have you looked into Squidoo? I would love to see you there.

Ayngel aka Echocrush AKA Boshemia

Personally, I like corrupting children. But that's just me. I can't wait until I have some of my own so I can force them to make parody horror films like I used to do with my little brother before he became old enough to defy me.

My daughter and I did all kinds of things - museums, shopping, lunch, movies, water parks. I think the most important part is just the time.

You're such an awesome Mom, Nina... Just as you are blessed with beautiful, intelligent, and caring children, they are blessed with having you as a Mom. ;o)

As for Mother and Daughter day? Why not ask Kali during your first outing if there's something special she wants to do with just you.

My nephew spends months at a time here with us. Ill never ever say she doesnt love her child she just loves herself a little bit more.

People made me feel like oh you're pregnant now with your own so I guess he's not gonna be at your house anymore. Yeah because kids are interchangeable like, shoes.

I hate it when they tell me I need to leave him in Miami and let his mother raise him. If we can give him the level of love and attention he needs and deserves why the hell would I deny him that. Having him around dont stop her ass from going out. He's so happy here and believe me if I could get her to sign those papers I would be on a plane tomorrow.

Now that Olivia is here we both totally agree we dont feel any diffeent about him than we do her. They are both our babies.

You and Kali can do a spa day and lunch. Theres nothing like a little glitter polish to put a smile on your face. Or pump some milk, tell Donny he's on Jack duty and you girls have a slumber party.

I was actually just thinking about this last night. My friends just had their third child and my girlfriend was telling me about how during the pregnancy she was thinking, "What I have gotten myself into? THe other two are out of diapers, things are just starting to get easy..." but once the other baby arrived she said her heart just expanded, as you said.

My kids have just started playing with one another - it is such a magical thing. There is something about being a parent to more than one child (not belitting those who have an only child) but seeing the different personalities, the sibling interactions, all of it - takes parenting to a whole new level.

I now understand my mom when she used to talk about wanting to run over the girls at school that she knew were bullying me, and as you said, I don't know how she ever let me out of her site. Everytime I see older kids on their own out in the world, I think of my own kids and I think 'NO WAY AM I LETTING THEM OUT IN THIS BIG BAD PLACE.'

I have 3 children and getting individual time with any of them is sometimes not feasible. On Saturday I got the chance to take just my 9 year old to the movies to see Marley & Me. We both looked at each other at the end with tears streaming down our faces and had a "moment". I told my husband when I got home that I'm glad that we went just by ourselves, because I don't get very many moments with her. Just me and her. It is an overwhelming feeling. My girls have been the same way with their new baby brother, no jealousy, they are just happy he's here.

My grandfather was really big on quality time with me. The one time that really sticks out in my head was heading out to Toys R Us and buying this huge bucket of legos and instructions on how to put the dream house together. It took us a whole week, and I know if he were doing it by himself he would have finished in a few hours but he enjoyed going slow and spending those couple of hours each day together. We also used to play a lot of card games, chess and monopoly, he would always pick something that took a lot of time and that we could talk through so that I could tell him about my day/week/month. I look back at those times and realize those were the BEST times of my life.

In the bigger picture, Girl Scouts. This is awesome "girl time." We don't do it anymore, but your little one is a good age for this. You don't always have to go to each meeting or field trip. But when you do, it's very special.

Does "chatting with Richard while Kali builds a puzzle in another room" count as "mommy/daughter" time? Cause, um, that's what I'm voting for.

Oh, and that whole "i've loved blah and blah and blah and blah" at the beginning was really, really sweet. But you know what all those blahs needed? A special shout out to someone. And you know who.

And if you DON'T know who, I'm totally gonna switch my allegiance to Sophie.

Game.
On.

I was worried when I had my second child. I could not imagine loving him as much as my first, but I did. And my third! It's so beautiful how your heart grows to accomodate your growing family. I feel so blessed.

Maybe you girls can do a spa day? Do each other's hair, facials, etc. I have 3 sons but my friend has spa themed sleep overs for her daughters friends.

I'm with Sassyk. My mom always took us on road trips and to parks, lakes, historical markers, anything that was cheap or free, but it was so much fun. I can honestly say I still remember what we did at every park when I drive by one we visited. lol She still does that when she comes to visit. Personally I take my daughter to the library, parks (of course), the mall, bike riding (we have beautiful trails), and we are planning to start a vegetable garden (with the help of my grandpa). My kid just likes spending time together it really doesn't even matter what the activity is, and I try to take advantage of this before she becomes a teenager and decides I'm not cool enuff. :)
I could never imagine loving a little person as much as I love my little girls and it's hard for me to grasp the concept of a parent being over their kids.

My mom is my best friend. She works three jobs and lately I haven't spend much time with her. It made me really mad and I ended up taking it out on her, but really all I wanted was more 'us' time.

So we having a shopping day now and then, but mostly, we started watching Weeds together from season 1, and we don't watch an episode without each other. So it's like a tradition now. I don't know if you'd want Kali watching weeds :D but you could do something like that even maybe. It's fun because it's not so scheduled just like, hey do you have a free hour? :) Though Kali is much younger, so I'm sure scheduled days together are probably more fun for her.

Since you're a great cook and baker, maybe you two could cook together! I wish my mom had taught me how to cook LOL :)

Have an awesome day! I'm about to go to biology, luckily, my teacher is amazing. I hope everything works out for you with your teacher :(.

Woo, blood vessels and systemic arterial blood pressure here I come :)

Mani Pedi's maybe? Or is she a little too young for that just yet? I've got a boy, so I'm clueless to what little girls like to do and what is a good age to do so. But I think a couple of hours just the two of you is perfect. And it will give Daddy and Jack a few hours to bond as well too.

My fondest times spent with my mom, were the little road trips. Being a single Mom she was BROKEDY, BROKE BROKE BROKE. So she used that lack of funds to stimulate her imagination and we would take day trips. Usually some kind of park. Pack a nice lunch eat and explore. Even if the 2 of you went to Stone Mountain, or Checked out that MLK Historic site. Close Proximity, inexpensive, and you get to chat during the ride to and from.

It's crazy to think but I'm sure the novelty does wear off for some people. I remember one of the women from The Women of Brewster Place felt that way and only loved her babies when they were cute, innocent babies. As soon as they started talking, she was over them and ready to have another cute, innocent baby.

I love my bebbies!

(Even if Zoe's not quite a baby anymore. She's still MY baby!)

Girls' Day Out = Boys' Day In so it's win-win! Kali will love it!

Zoe's favorite is hot chocolate at Friendly's -- only thing is it never turns out to be just hot chocolate.