Battlestar Galactica Season 4.5 Epi 13: The Oath

Previously on Battlestar Galactica: Adama considers upgrading all the fleet’s FTL drives with Cylon technology. The Quorum calls a vote to keep Cylons off the ships in the fleet without the ship’s permission. It passes. A few ships get all mutinous including the tilium ship which carries the fleet’s fuel. It jumps away. Adama blackmails Zarek into giving up the location of the tilium ship and Gimpy Gaeta joins forces with Zarek behind the Admiral’s back. Motherfraker.

And now…

Tigh reports to Adama that there is still grumbling among the fleet. Tigh’s one eye nearly bulges out of his Cylon head when President Roslin appears in Adama’s quarters in her bathrobe.

Gimpy Gaeta makes plans with Zarek to get him off Galactica.

President Roslin is still all,”I’m Switzerland and not getting involved in nothing.” I get it, you have cancer, and it sucks, but enough already. President Roslin has been declawed.

At the hangar, Gimpy Gaeta’s mutinous comrades lie in order to get Zarek on a ship off of Galactica. Zarek kills a flight personnel that gets too fast and loose with the questions. One of Gaius’ followers sees it all go down.

And we have credits… and that annoying few seconds of everything we’re about to see in the episode. I usually ignore that, but tonight I’m all in it!

0704 Hours – On the CIC deck, Adama and Tigh have no idea that shit’s ’bout to go down. When Zarek’s ship shows up on draedus, Gimpy Traitor Gaeta figures out a way to cover by suggesting the system is glitchy. Tigh orders a full diagnostic on draedus and he puts some extra stank on the word, “draedus.” I don’t know why, but it’s funny as hell.

0741 Hours – Aboard Colonial One there’s an emergency session going on with the Quorum. Lee is surprised to see Zarek show up and he’s led to think that Zarek’s release is on the up and up.

Anders is tossing balls in the locker room when some girl shows up. I’m sure I’m supposed to know who she is, but I don’t. Her name is apparently Diana. She diverts Anders’ attention by whining about how he didn’t want to frak her once upon a time, and he’s jumped by two other traitors.

0809 Hours- Back on the CIC deck, a fire alarm goes off at C-deck. Gimpy Gaeta manipulates the situation and gets Adama to order an evacuation of the deck.

0812 Hours- Starbuck gives Hot Dog a hard time for frakkin’ Callie and getting her knocked up. The fire alarm evacuation announcement comes over the system and Starbuck notices civilians getting armed. She knows something ain’t right. She tries to call Adama, but Gimpy Gaeta pulls a cock-block.

On Colonial One, Lee calls to find out why Zarek was released and again Gimpy Gaeta runs interference. Zarek tells Lee that he can’t reconcile his position as the Caprican representative on the Quorum and that of being the Admiral’s son. Meanwhile, Gimpy Gaeta manipulates the communication systems.

As Lee arrives aboard Galactica he is jumped by some rebels. They’re about to execute him when Starbuck shows up and fucks. shit. up. My only complaint? Why didn’t she just take ALL of their asses out before running off with Lee?

Athena and Helo are taken by the rebels with one threatening to rape Athena later. See, his ass is gonna have to die. (Helo receives a Rodney King-style beatdown.)

0902 Hours- In a dry storage compartment, Starbuck and Lee can’t believe what is happening. She kisses him. Um, yeah. It seems the high drama is just what Starbuck needed to have her feeling more like herself. You know, horny and highly inappropriate.

0908 Hours- On the CIC, Tigh and the gang are starting to realize something ain’t right. There’s fire, but nothing is burning. No damage reports are coming in.

Helo is thrown in the brig with Six, Athena, Hera and Anders. Six suspects that they’re gonna die because the humans feel threatened by their reproductive skillz. Athena warns Anders that if he doesn’t have any special Final Five knowledge, he better act like he do. Sheeeit.

0913 Hours- Deck F, Corridor 6: Lee and Starbuck make their way to Adama’s quarters.

0922 Hours – Gaeta finally makes his move against Adama and Tigh. A young soldier is killed trying to protect Adama. Tigh looks like he wants to go all Cylon-white-boy-crazy, but Adama orders him to stand down.

Adama makes it clear that anyone that goes along with this bullshit will not be forgiven. Gimpy Gaeta at least has the decency to gulp. He then orders Adama and Tigh taken into custody. Adama orders the guards not to touch him and you know what? They don’t. He is still the man.

0925 Hours – Lee and Starbuck step over mad shell casings before they finally make it to Adama’s quarters where they find the President. She’s wearing a fierce wig. They fill her in and she says she has a way to get around the communications problems Gaeta caused.

0934 Hours – On the CIC, Gimpy Gaeta’s acting like a big boy wearing Daddy’s shoes when he’s not home.

Gaius tells his followers that he doesn’t want to leave them… but he will. ‘Cause that’s how Gaius rolls. Tyrol is in charge of the efforts to barricade themselves in and find a way off Galactica.

The President arrives at Gaius’ quarters where Tyrol tells her that the hangar is lost to them and that if they can get Adama to the secondary storage bay, he can get him off Galactica within the hour. Starbuck and Lee leave to find Adama and President Roslin stays to speak with Gaius.

0947 Hours- Two marines are escorting Adama and Tigh to the brig and Adama lets them both know that when it’s all over, their asses are grass. Adama and Tigh jump the two marines and take one hostage.

Two old ass pimps! That’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout!

President Roslin convinces Gaius to let her use his pirate wireless set up to communicate with the fleet.

1012 Hours – On the CIC, Gimpy Gaeta has to deal with the confusion from the other ships wondering why Galactica has gone all quiet. Gaeta fills in Zarek on a scrambled line, but President Roslin interrupts and addresses the fleet. She implores the fleet not to go along with the mutiny and trust in those that got them this far… you know, the Cylon-alliance, Earth was all frakked up, now we don’t know where we’re going, far. Gaeta figures out a way to cut off her communication.

1017 Hours- Near the AUX machine access, Starbuck and Lee run into Adama, Tigh, and their hostage. Starbuck wants to pop a cap in the captive’s ass, but Adama won’t let her. Adama lets him go, and Starbuck tries to pop a cap in his retreating ass anyway. Finally, I like Starbuck and how she rolls. Like a gangsta!

1021 Hours – In the secondary storage bay, Gaius and President Roslin wonder if Gimpy Gaeta grew a pair before or after his leg was cut off.

1023 Hours – Near the waste water storage, Lee blames the Cylons for all their woes. He needs to take a cue from Lost and get with the stand together or die alone creed and stop whining.

Why isn’t Tigh concerned about his baby mama?

1027 Hours- Gaius calls to reason with Gimp Gaeta, but he ain’t having it. Gaius threatens him with “their little secret sealed with a special pen.”

1023 Hours- At the secondary storage airlock, the rescue Raptor arrives just as Starbuck, Lee, Tigh, and Adama do. Gimpy Gaeta knows what’s up and sends some men there to stop them.

The President and Adama start smooching making everyone around uncomfortable. Time and a place, people. Time and a place.

Adama orders Lee, Starbuck, and Tyrol to go back the way they came while he and Tigh hold off Gimpy Gaeta’s men so that the President and Gaius can escape on the Raptor. Adama and Roslin start to kiss goodbye again, but Gaius is all, “Can we get the frak up outta here, please?”

As Gaeta’s men begin to blowtorch their way in, Gaeta orders a Viper to engage the Raptor and shoot it down, and Adama and Tigh prepare to go out like pimps and take some mofos with them!

HAWT!

Adama fires a few shots through the opening made by Gaeta’s men’s progress… just to let them know he ain’t frakkin’ around.

“It’s been an honor to serve with you, my friend.”

Tigh kneels and peers through his scope with his one good eye.

Gimpy Gaeta’s men toss in a smoke grenade.

And it’s on!

To be continued…

“Son of a bitch,” I say to no one in particular.

Damn, I love this show.

The Molestation of a Frog

I’m studying biology now. I’m reading about what determines a species, and most scientists agree that the lack of mating between species is what does it. Now, of course, they have no way of knowing for sure if there is any cross mating going on, so they’ve added to the definition the absence of viable offspring.

So, I’m reading about different mechanisms that prevent mating and fertilization between different species. From the book:

Among frogs, males are often impressively indiscriminate, jumping on every female in sight, regardless of the species, when the spirit moves them. Females, however, approach only male frogs that utter the call appropriate to their species. If they do find themselves in an unwanted embrace, they utter the “release call,” which causes the male to let go. As a result, few hybrids are produced.

Is anyone else wondering what this “release call” sounds like?

I find it fascinating that though the species are different, the release call is understood.

Then it goes on to talk about how sheer anatomy makes it so that similar species cannot mate. Like snails whose shells spiral left cannot mate with ones whose shells spiral right. And then I was treated to a pic of snails boinking… and two others trying to boink.

Some people complain that they hate taking classes not pertaining to their major. I’ve found that it’s all connected. Algebra knowledge made understanding and working through biology’s Hardy-Weinberg law a breeze. As a journalism major, I don’t question why I need to know this stuff. I question why anyone wouldn’t want to!

TCTBTF: Week 4

I am happy to report, yes happy, that I have not lost nor gained any weight this week. This is perfect because it allows me to address something. I don’t believe in quick fixes! I don’t believe in magic pills, and magic creams, and magic food combinations (try the corn salsa chick pea diet!) that will suddenly make the pounds disappear. It took me awhile to get to this point, because I wanted to believe. I wanted to believe that just three small payments of $19.98 and one jar of fat burning cream later, weight loss was possible.

Bullshit.

We all know the key to weight loss and being healthy: Eat less, eat better, and move your fat ass around every now and again.  For the past month I was proof positive of that and I think it’s fitting, and accurate, that this week I maintained. Why? Because I only did two of those things (eat less, eat better… and even then I half-assed it) and the third… yeah, not so much.

I guess I’m also taking this week’s status quo so easily because normally when I diet, I’m also getting my period. So, there’s that one week out of the month where I either maintain or gain a pound or two (but the next week I always lost a good chunk.) Of course, I’m nursing and not getting my period now, but I can still live with one maintaining week out of the month.

So, what did I do (or didn’t do) to not lose weight this week? Well, for one, I had an inside out burger. Donny took ground sirloin and seasoned it with course salt and ground black pepper. Then he chopped up a shallot really fine and mixed it all together with some Worcestershire sauce. Next, he chopped up about six slices of bacon into tiny bits and cooked it on the stove and then added to that mushrooms. While that was cooking, he sliced up some swiss cheese into cubes. He made one large patty with the ground sirloin and pressed a well in the middle into which he put the cooked bacon, mushroom, and some of the cheese. Then, he covered that patty with a smaller patty and sealed it together. He cooked those on the stove for a few minutes on each side, then put them in the oven.

So, it’s Donny’s fault.

When he had left for the store to get the ingredients, we’d seen it on a cooking show we TiVo’d, I went to the show’s site. I noticed it listed grapeseed oil which was not mentioned on the show. So, when Donny came back and had already been preparing them downstairs, I told him about it.

“Oh, I just cooked the burgers in the bacon grease.”

“Um, why don’t you just sprinkle some sugar on those bitches and then come rub them directly on my ass.”

So, yeah one night I had an inside out burger with a green salad on the side. And I didn’t keep one pledge to work out! Between working on this site, Jack, perfecting my query letter, massive amounts of school work and quizzes, and finishing my book, I just haven’t had the time.

Other than that, I did really well. I mean, at least I didn’t gain, right? This morning’s breakfast was:

-         A bowl of multi-grain cheerios

-         One strawberry banana yogurt

-         1tbs of peanut butter

-         a banana

-         grape juice

Week 4 weight loss: 0

Overall: -7lbs

Next week’s pledges:

-         Workout!

-         Try cauliflower mashed “taters”

What about you? How’d you do? What are your pledges for next week? Did you keep any this week?

Lost – Season 5, Epi. 3: Jughead

Previously on Lost: Ben spins the donkey wheel and the island goes bye-bye. Daniel tells Desmond in the past to get his ass to Oxford in the future so they can stop time warping all over the damn place. Desmond awakes in the future with the new memory and Penny isn’t convinced.

And now…

Somewhere in Asia, Desmond needs a doctor. Why? Penny’s in labor. The doctor Desmond finds pulls out these huge forceps. Um, are we in the past again? Jesus. She pushes and screams, and pushes and screams some more. I look at Jack, “We did that six months ago.” Jack just screams at the T.V.

Present day and Desmond is chilling on a boat with his three year-old son. Penny is worried that by returning to Great Britain they are opening themselves up to her Daddy finding them. Desmond says he won’t and he must save the people on the island.

Back on the island, Daniel, Charlotte, and Asian Psychic dude are heading for the creek with two yellow shirts. Daniel won’t admit to Charlotte that he knows what’s happening to her. And as yellow shirts are want to do, they end up dead by booby-traps. A group of people show up with guns and demand to know who their leader is. Asian dude quickly gives up Daniel.

“You just couldn’t stay away, could you?” asks the girl with the big ass gun.

What’s that supposed to mean? Has she seen Daniel there before? What time period are they in anyway? Their guns look really old.

Desmond prepares to find Daniel’s mother, Penny still isn’t convinced and now you can toss in a side of annoyed. She makes Desmond promise that they won’t go back to the island ever again. Why would I want to do that, he asks, but doesn’t say he won’t go.

On the island, the girl with the big ass gun wants to know where the rest of the survivors are. She also talks like she has poop in her mouth.

Locke, Juliet, and Sawyer have two of the people that attacked them with flaming arrows in custody. The captives start speaking Latin, which Juliet understands. Locke wants to know why they are speaking Latin and Juliet responds for the same reason she does… they’re Others. Ruh-roh.

Psychic Asian Dude tells Daniel they just walked over the fresh grave of four US soldiers dead less than a month as they are being led by gunpoint to The Others’ camp. Guess who their leader is? Richard Alpert. And his ass looks exactly the same as he always does. Young and sexy! He assumes that the survivors have come for their bomb. Now there’s a bomb on the island?! This is the unluckiest island ever!

At Oxford, Desmond is unable to find any record of Daniel working at the school. I would just like to point out that Desmond looks quite scrumptious in his blazer, rock star shades, and scarf. Undeterred, he breaks into the psychics department. In a room with a bunch of dusty boxes and equipment, he finds a picture of Daniel so he knows he’s on the right track. A janitor shows up and tells Desmond that Daniel was working on time travel with rats. The janitor suggests that Daniel did something to a girl which is why the school won’t admit to knowing who he is.

On the island, Richard’s people, the Others, are holding Daniel, Charlotte and Asian dude. Daniel says their best bet is to pretend they are with the military until the next time jump. Daniel explains that they are just scientists and not a part of the military solider guys that Richard says has been attacking them as they run tests on the island. Daniel offers to defuse the hydrogen bomb on the island and assures Richard his intentions are true because he’s in love with Charlotte and would never risk her life. It works, Richard agrees to let him go. Charlotte looks confused.

Juliet, Locke, and Sawyer are marching their captives to the creek when one of them points out that since Sawyer yelled out, “to the creek” in the last episode, their friends are probably captured or dead. Juliet asks him in Latin where their camp is and asks if Richard is there. He starts to tell, but then his friend breaks his neck and dashes off into the woods. Locke refuses to shoot him because, “those his peeps.”

Desmond visits Theresa, a girl in a vegetative state of some sorts and left by Daniel. Desmond learns that Charles Widmore was Daniel’s benefactor funding all of his research for ten years.

Daniel tells Charlotte he meant it when he said he loved her and then the girl with the big ass gun comes to take Daniel off to find and disarm the hydrogen bomb. The escaped Other shows up at the camp and insists that Locke and crew couldn’t have followed him.

Locke totally followed his ass. He asks Juliet how she knew Richard would be there and she replies, “Richard has always been here.” She tells Locke that Richard is old. Locke admits he needs to talk to Richard because Richard can tell him how to save them. And as always, when it comes to the island or like, the lives of other people, Locke chooses the island and runs off to talk to Richard. Sawyer and Juliet head off to rescue Daniel.

The girl with the big ass gun doesn’t buy that Daniel, Charlotte, and Asian dude are all U.S. military. Daniel examines the bomb, Jughead, and realizes it’s leaking. Daniel wants lead to fill the crack and tells her they need to bury the bomb. When she won’t listen to reason he tells her how they are from the future. Is he trying to get shot in the head? Sawyer and Juliet show up to save the day.

In present day, Desmond barges into Widmore’s island all pimp-style. Desmond wants to know how to find Daniel’s mom and Widmore wants to know if Penny, who he hasn’t heard from in three years, is safe. Widmore gives up the info when he realizes Desmond ain’t budging. Widmore warns  Desmond that after he delivers the message, he and Penny should remain in hiding because if not, Penny’s life is in danger.

Locke walks up to the Others’ camp all bold and shit. He demands to talk to Richard. When Richard doesn’t recognize him, Locke informs him that Jacob sent him there. The escaped guy has his chest all puffed out and he’s ready to shoot Locke until Richard makes him put the gun away. Uh oh, escaped Other is actually Charles Widmore! Didn’t see that coming.

Desmond tries to lie to Penny that Daniel’s mother is dead so he’s done trying, but she sees right through him. She insists that she and the baby will accompany him to Los Angeles to find Daniel’s mom. Awww, they named their baby boy, Charlie.

Locke gives Richard the compass, but it still doesn’t do anything to convince him to tell Locke how to get off the island so he can convince his friend to return. Locke tells Richard he should visit Locke as a kid, but then the sky goes bright and they shift in time again. This time they are in a big open area… everyone shifted okay, except Charlotte has a nosebleed and passes out.

Here are my questions: Does Richard visit Locke as a boy because Locke has now told him to? What item did Locke pick when Richard visits him as a boy? What is Richard’s deal? So, Widmore was an original Other? Where is Rose and Bernard?! And more importantly. where is the smoke monster?!

Nip/Tuck: Season 5.5, Epi. 3 – Roxy St. James

Previously on Nip/Tuck: Julia’s lesbian lover’s daughter, Skank Face, shoots Julia in the head. Sean and Christian argue over whose life sucks more. Christian and Liz have very awkward sex. Candy Richards, a white delusional actress, needs her lips done.

And now…

Candy Richards is back. But now she goes by Coco. She found out she has a drop of black in her and now she’s all corn-braids wearing, gold teeth having, and jive talking. I can’t decide if it’s funny or offensive. Should I be laughing or writing a strongly-worded letter to the NAACP to investigate this shit? Coco wants a black girl’s ass ’cause her hip-hop album is about to drop. Sean explains that she’s pretty much insane and one step away from wearing black face and singing, “Mamie.” Christian looks amused. Sean looks appalled as he accepts the case. You can just see his thought bubble, “I shoulda became a brain surgeon.” And we have credits…

Sean interrupts Christian’s sushi lunch to give him a breast cancer survivor’s pamphlet. Christian is all, “I don’t need no stinkin’ therapy.” Liz comes in and it’s all icy. Christian is like, “This is why I don’t bang friends.” For Liz, sleeping with Christian is the equivalent of crossing the streams; day became night, dogs and cats are living together, up is down, Liz is confused!!! Christian suggests they sleep together again and Liz doth protests too much. That sound you hear is every gay person in America throwing their remotes at their flat screens.

Christian line of the night contestant number one, “My cock has mystical powers.”

Julia’s lover, Olivia, wants plastic surgery. A lot of it. She wants to look better and younger for Julia. This is ridiculous considering she’s the best looking person on the damn show. Olivia lets slip they are moving to NY and Sean confronts Julia for taking his babies away without telling him…. Again. They end up kissing and I’m repulsed. Why Christian and Sean have always pined over Julia’s whiny, bony, ass is beyond me.

Christian’s in his therapy group making friends. He pretty much tells the breast cancer survivors they’re being victims and need to get some plastic surgery for their scars. He’s a charmah! Roxy St. James lights up a cigarette and is asked to leave. I like her already. Her mother and sister both died of breast cancer and so she hangs around breast cancer survivor groups to feel better. She and Christian are boning in five seconds flat. Post-coital, she tells Christian she is going to have her boobs removed even though she doesn’t have cancer, nor has she tested positive for any abnormalities.

Christian line of the night contestant number two, “Are you crazy? Those are the happiest tits I’ve ever put my dick between.”

Classy.

Coco is getting her Beyonce-booty. They play her demo while operating and we are treated to the video, “Yo Stink.” Ok, it’s official. I’m offended. I’m Googling the local chapter of the NAACP as soon as this is done… ’cause I can’t stop watching!

During Olivia’s pre-op consultation, Sean reveals he’s gonna be in New York every weekend once they move… for his kids. Olivia’s all, “Yeah, right it’s for Julia.” She wonders why Sean just can’t let Julia be. And I wonder the same damn thing.

Christian and Liz prepare for Roxy’s surgery. Liz doesn’t agree with what they’re doing. Christian insists that it’s Roxy’s choice, but in the end he can’t do it. He can’t cut off her healthy boobs. Roxy wakes up devastated and looking very much like Angelina Jolie.

Christian is getting high in the break room when Liz comes in and joins him. They both agree that the government weed is the best weed. Liz is all dressed up for a date with a man. Christian tries to tell her that she’ll never find another like him and as if on cue, a smooth talking, handsome, charmer walks in. Christian’s parting shot as they leave is also contestant number three for line of the night. He calls out, “She’s a lesbian!” Cock-blocker.

Sean is performing Olivia’s surgery when she goes into arrest. While Sean and Julia are at the hospital with Olivia, Roxy shows up at the McNamara/Troy offices and waits in the lobby while Christian finishes up a consult which really means he’s shooting the shit with Liz about her date the night before. Apparently, her date’s dick has mystical powers too. Christian is not amused.

Roxy takes out an electric knife in the lobby and proceeds to cut off her breast. I clutch my own boobies in horror.

Olivia dies at the hospital. Julia blames Sean. And whines. She always whines. I suppose that now, she is actually allowed, but still. She has whined so much in the past over everything that I’m not willing to give her a pass now.

Christian works to save the mess Roxy made of herself. Liz admits that Christian was right before and that they should have done the surgery when Roxy asked. Later, Christian tells Sean that Olivia’s death isn’t his fault. Sean isn’t convinced since he imaged her ass dead nine kinds of ways. Sean’s biggest regret? He knows he has now REALLY lost Julia forever. Ugh. He thinks that it must not be meant for them to be together. Uh, no duh. Liz comes in with news that Olivia was on anti-depressants and that mixed with the anesthesia is what killed her.

Olivia’s daughter, Eden a.k.a Skank Face, shows up at Olivia’s apartment. She lies and tells Julia and Sean that Olivia was secretly on anti-depressants because she was living with the guilt that she had shot Julia. Ooooh, what a skank face! She tosses Olivia’s ashes in Sean and Julia’s faces. Now I’m offended and grossed out.

Tonight’s episode has been one big “let’s shock ‘em” moment after the other. I miss The Carver.

Liz tucks in Wilbur and she and Christian discuss their “relationship.” Liz admits that she didn’t have an orgasm with her date, and that she doesn’t like men, she just likes Christian.

“I told you I was the shit.” THAT is Christian’s line of the night.

Christian admits he loves Liz for understanding him and his wacky, whorish, ways. They hold hands and head to the bedroom.

Good lord. Who have they offended more tonight, do you think? Blacks? Gays? Breast cancer survivors? People who’ve been cremated?

24 – Day 7: 1pm-2pm

Previously on 24: Prime Minister Matobo and his wife succumb to the gas and his wife punks out. The First Hubby is double crossed by his Secret Service buddy. He and his son’s fiancé are ’bout to die. Agent Walker gets gripped up by Emerson’s men and is fake killed by Jack so that he can maintain his cover. Soulpatch Tony and Jack are then instructed to bury her.

The following takes place between 1pm and 2pm…

The FBI boss, Moss, is all freaked out ’cause Agent Walker is missing and you just know they’re boning. He gives the Chloe-wannabe an order and she’s all about smart remarks. The squirrelly guy refers to Agent Walker in the past tense and Moss loses his shit on him, “We don’t know that she’s dead yet.”

The real Chloe and Bill show up in the magic blue van to unearth Agent Walker… which brings back all kinds of Laura Palmer memories. She’s not breathing and Bill injects her with adrenaline Pulp Fiction-style.

Emerson tells Jack and Tony how they came to fake Tony’s death and recruit him. They used his anti-government feelings to keep him loyal. Blah, blah, blah. Do we even care? We’re just happy he’s back!

Emerson jumps Jack at the airport hangar thinking that he and Tony are plotting to steal the diamonds. I must not have been paying attention… what diamonds!? Tony shoots Emerson.

Agent Walker wants to contact Moss, but Bill warns that Dubaku has spies in the FBI. He tells her she has to stay dead so they can find the device AND defeat Dubaku AND weed out the spies AND save the world, damnit!

Jack tells Matobo that he’s on his side and he should come with him if he wants to live.

Dubaku tells his FBI guy that when he meets with Emerson and his men, he should kill them and take Matobo. He wants to keep his diamonds instead of paying them to Emerson (ooooh, those diamonds!) The FBI guy leaves to do his evil bidding.

The President refuses to withdraw the troops per Dubaku’s demand. She still has hope that they can recover the C.I.P. device.

Matobo’s wife urges him to go along with Jack’s plan that they allow themselves to be handed over to Dubaku. She wants to make up for being a pussy in the panic room. He agrees because, I suspect, he secretly hates for being a pussy and putting them in this situation to begin with. Tony mourns Emerson’s death, but rallies with Jack to continue the plan. He looks kinda shady if you ask me.

Dubaku calls the President… ah, snap! It’s on! He instructs her to go to the window and there we see the aftermath of two planes colliding. Thank God they didn’t show it actually happening.

Dubaku needs his ass kicked.

The President still refuses to give in. Someone quits. I think it’s her Secretary of State. Oh well, tell him to take his ass back to One Life to Live. The Prez then gives this long speech about how we must not give in to threats, and America must lead, and blah, blah, blah. Then she leaves the room and it doesn’t look like even she believes she’s doing the right thing.

Agent Walker, Chloe and Bill arrive at the airport hangar. Agent Walker is salty that Jack shot her and buried her alive. Um, at least you’re not dead for real, for real. Ungrateful. Chloe puts a tracker in Mr. Matobo’s mouth.

Thr First Hubby sits helpless and evil Secret Service dude sets up the apartment for the staged murder/suicide. The fiancé arrives and gets stabbed repeatedly… it’s horrible.

When the FBI guys show up to make the swap, they try and double cross Tony, but he and Jack light shit up. They’re allowed to leave with the Matobos.

First Hubby regains control of his bodily functions long enough to flip the script on Evil Secret Service dude.

Dubaku prepares to lay another smack down on the U.S. as he realizes the President is not going to bend. “This bitch is crazy!”

Tick tock tick tock…

BIOBaby: 6th Month Milestones

Movement

I’ve got a scooter! Jack is days within being a full-blown crawler. Now, he gets up on his hands and knees and kind propels himself forward fearlessly. He’s not experienced a face plant or carpet head bang yet, so yeah, he’s still fearless. He’ll also rise up on his hands and knees and just rock, which I’m convinced he does simply to bring about my heart attack. I’m there with one hand in front of him, and another behind, prepared to catch him should he fall.

Talking

Jack has said his first word. I realized it last week. I think I had been vaguely aware that he was saying it, but he’s 25 weeks old and I didn’t want to be one of those parents that insist, “My child can do math!”…. when they’re like six months old. But it was confirmed one morning last week when he woke up next to me, smiled, and said it. Then I woke Kali up for school. She immediately came into my bedroom and climbed into the bed next to Jack. She turned her back to him and pulled the blankets up in a futile effort to get a few more winks. I was across the room picking up her jeans off the floor and I was hidden behind the Pack n Play. I heard Jack say…

“Hey.”

I froze in place. I still couldn’t see him, but I listened. He said it again…

“Hey.”

I rose up and peeked over the Pack n Play and there was Jack, climbing onto Kali’s back, himself peeking over her shoulder, and trying to get her attention.

“Hey.”

And I knew that a few minutes before, when we’d awaken and made eye contact, I hadn’t misheard my son. He was greeting me. He was saying, “Hey.”

Now, he says it all the time, but only when it applies; when he wants your attention or as a greeting if you make eye contact with him. He’ll also say it if you greet him first. He says it in this little sing-songy tone like the around the way girls from the old neighborhood, “Heyyy” It’s like I can hear the unspoken rest in my head, “Heyyy, how you dern? How yo’ mama dern?” (dern=doing)

Foodie

He’s all about grabbing your cup or fork and trying to eat. And if you let him have a little taste of what you’re having, he always scrunches up his face like, “What the hell is that!?” Hey, you asked for it.

We started making his baby food this past weekend. They say you introduce one new item a week to isolate any possible allergies, so this first week we went with apples. Donny peeled one, chopped it into chunks, and steamed them. Then he pureed them and divided it into serving sizes which he froze individually in these tiny Rubbermaid containers. When it’s chow time, we can just grab one frozen container to defrost. We’ve been mixing the homemade applesauce into rice cereal mixed with breastmilk. He loves it! Next week: bananas!

Laughter IS Contagious

Last night we were all in my bedroom when I said, “Tomorrow I need to pick up toilet bowl cleaner. I need to clean the water closet.”

“Yeah, it smells like a gas station bathroom in there,” Donny said.

“That’s because I hadn’t flushed for a while. Like all day.”

Kali asks, “Why in the world did you do that?”

“I was pooping on the phone…”

She cuts me off, cracking up laughing, “You pooped ON the phone?!”

Watching her laugh, her eyes scrunched to little slits but still twinkling, I started to laugh too.

“I was on the phone while pooping and I didn’t want the person to hear me flush, but then I forgot to go back.”

The three of us are laughing, and Jack is sitting on my bed in the middle of this circle we’ve formed around him… and he farts.

Kali, still laughing so hard she can barely get the words out, says, “I smell something really horrible.”

Donny says, “That’s the phone.”

And Jack cracks up.

I Love You The Same

Over the course of 34 years I’ve loved boyfriends and friends, lovers, and husbands, parents and siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins and associates, pets and even some pretty nifty material things. I can say that hands-down, nothing compares to the love I feel for my children.

I realized the other day why it’s so mind-blowing… to me, anyway. The love for my children is so great and consuming that I have a hard time believing that it compares to say, how much you love your children. But going even further, there’s no way that my parents could have loved me this much. If my mother loved me even a fraction of the amount that I love Kali and Jack, how she didn’t lose her shit every time I was out of her sight is beyond me.

I had all these worries about loving two children when I first found out I was pregnant. Would I love them differently? Would I favor one over the other? Would I, God forbid, love one more than other? Honestly, my first concern was that I wouldn’t love Jack enough because my love for Kali was so strong. Then as my pregnancy progressed, and the love for my unborn child grew (along with my waistband), I worried that I might neglect Kali or that she would feel slighted with all the attention lavished upon Jack.

I needn’t have worried. Those of you with more than one child know what I mean. Just as we are amazed over the changes in the human body as we prepare to give birth, we really should marvel over the way our minds and souls are conditioned to adjust to this new life as well. If your capacity to love is a balloon, and you feel it’s filled to dangerous proportions with how much you love your children and spouse, family and friends, don’t worry. Mine did not burst when Jack came along. It magically expanded to include him. We don’t talk about that enough and we should.

Of course I relate to them differently now; Jack is at an age where he needs me for everything, while Kali is entering a stage where she’s becoming more independent. And I’m sure this will continue on as I’ll relate to them on different boy-girl levels as well.

It’s either a credit to how great Kali is, or kudos to me and Donny as parents, but she really is extremely helpful and in love with her brother. I’ve yet to witness any competitive urges from her, and hopefully I’ve done my job in letting her know that my love for her is undying and unquestionable.

Last night, I asked Donny if he were over Jack.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we waited so long and now he’s been here half a year already. Is the thrill gone?”

“No. Of course not.”

Then I said, speaking for Jack and in a baby voice, “You better not be over me. I’m your only son… unless you got some other kids out there we don’t know about.”

“If I got other kids out there, I don’t know about them either.”

“Um, honey, it’s okay if I joke about it. But when you do it? Not so much. Just the idea of you having children with someone else kinda makes me wanna stab you in the neck.”

Anyway, I’ve decided to take a cue from Sophie and implement a little guaranteed Mommy/Daughter time. Beginning this Sunday I will make it a point to do something special with just the two of us. Sophie has already inspired some great ideas:

Hot chocolate at iHop

Library visits

Matinee movies

A trip to Barnes and Noble for a book

Ice cream!

Also, this weekend we’re gonna begin working on the dollhouse she got for Christmas.

Any other special things you can suggest?

The L Word: Season 6, Epi. 2 – Least Likely

The L Word: Labor of Love

We’ve got our first official threat against Jenny’s life. Niki goes off on a rampage after being used and dumped by Jenny. “Jenny Schecter is a liar and a user. Trust me, you are not going to get away with this. You are dead meat, Schecter. Dead.”

Unfortunately this threat only made me discount Niki as a real suspect. Dead meat probably means that Jenny is SO not one of her myspace friends anymore and at worst, Niki will probably write some shit about her in a random bathroom stall. Next!

Alice and Tasha:

The odds are stacked against me, I mean them. As much as I am rooting for them, I have to face facts, it ain’t meant to be. If their pros vs. cons list wasn’t proof enough, Alice’s overbearing Chatty Cathy monologue during therapy was. That said, as they both have acknowledged, they do have great chemistry, but is that enough to make a relationship work?

Bette and Tina:

There is no way I would have waited in the wings to be introduced if I were Tina, especially with Bette swooning over her old “friend,” Juicy Wentworth (Elizabeth Berkley). I would have been like, “Hi, I’m Tina, Bette’s partner and baby’s momma. Yes, we are expanding our family AND our house,” but not in a bitchy, jealous, overprotective way, of course.

Helena and Dylan:

I think Alice did a great job of breaking down the history between Helena and Dylan for Tasha and for viewers who may not have seen what went down between them in Season 3. (Dylan pretended to be gay and hooked up with Helena. She and her boyfriend then sued Helena for sexual harassment. Turns out Helena turned her out and now Dylan is gay and back in town.) I really was expecting Helena to use some of her prison moves on Dylan when she walked up on her in the club. No, not those prison moves, some beat down moves. Disappointingly enough, it was only a rough shove, but the exchange between them in the parking lot totally planted the seed for those other prison moves. You know they’re coming.

Max and Tom:

Can a brother get a break? Damn! Max was SO close to getting his reassignment surgery, only to be told that he’s pregnant by his homosexual male lover, Tom. Did the doctor really have to call him out and break it down by calling it “vaginal sex?” Poor Max. For those of you who may not know Max’s history, Max used to be Moira. Since he is pregnant, obviously he still has Moira’s “girl parts.”

(At least now we know why the police officer referred to Max as a woman in the scene three months from now,  he’ll be 7 months pregnant!)

Phyllis and Joyce: Older lesbian love is cute.

Jenny and Shane:

First off, I love how Shane gives it a week. A week of apologizing, car-washing, waffle-making and she is done. Second, we SO called it, people! We knew Jenny was talking to Shane about breaking her heart and we knew she was in love with her.

Now I don’t think Shane is in love with Jenny, but I do think that Shane passing up a girl, any girl, is like the big bad wolf passing on a pig. Not gonna happen.

The two of them hooking up? I have to say that my heart’s not in it. I’m not feeling it. It seems forced and like a last minute, last season, last ditch effort to me.

So what do you think about Shane and Jenny getting together?

The L Word airs at 9 pm Sunday nights on Showtime.

College Chronicles: I Don’t Play

I am so annoyed that my hands shake as I type this.

I’m taking a Biology class, and it’s accompanying lab, online. Each week the quizzes, homework, and other assignments for the lecture are due on Friday and the lab materials are due on Monday.

This past week, the last anyone had heard from the instructor was on Tuesday the 20th.  During the week, several students had expressed confusion over the materials, assignments, and due dates. And even though in the syllabus the instructor requests that we address all concerns on the message boards (so that when she answers for one, she is potentially helping several), she never responded. At some point I helped another student:

I just stopped on my hw. I couldnt understand the graph on12.1. Before I answered any more questions I need to understand how to interpret it. For ex: I only see one column of era’s listed, but she ask for different era’s. Plus I cant figure out how to determine when the abudance is high or low, and where that figure comes from. I studied till I couldnt stand it any longer ha! Any help from anyone would be most appreciated.

Diana

Diana,

This is what I think you want to do. Anyone who disagrees, please feel free to correct me.

Ok, looking at the graph on page 148…

Let’s take Eurypterids for first example. The graph goes from oldest to newest from bottom to top. So, that white area surrounding the Eurypterids is what you’re you looking at and the bottom point of it is when they first appeared. Looking over to the left you see that they first appeared in the Cambrian period and looking further left, you see it was during the Paleozoic era. Now as the white area goes upward, notice how it gets wider? Wherever it’s the widest is where the Eurypterids were the most abundant. I think it’s widest in the Silurian period (though she only asks for eras) and looking further left it’s still within the Paleozoic era. Now, if the white area stops at a point that means it’s extinct. As this one does. You see that the point is right at the line that marks the beginning of the Carboniferous period, and again, still within the Paleozoic era.

Now, look at the insects on the same graph. They first came about where their white area starts looking bottom to top. So, they began right at the start of the Carboniferous period and within the Paleozoic era. See how wide it is up top? They seem to have been most abundant in the Cenozoic era and because the white area doesn’t end in a peak before the graph ends, they’re not extinct, but extant.

I hope that makes sense, and I’ve interpreted this wrong, again, anyone feel free to correct me.

Diana, if you want to go over another example here to confirm that you got it, I’m game. Oh, and you read figure 12.2 the same way.

Nina

So, the week goes on without any word from the instructor. On Friday night I began working on the week’s assignment (Chapter 15) which was due on Saturday by midnight.  By this point I had not only called her during her office hours (and gotten no response), but I also had emailed her… again, no response. Fed up on Friday night, I posted this to the message board with the subject, “Very Frustrated.”

1. There is still no word on if we are to turn in the table we filled out using the image bank from the lab exercise, and if so, how we should go about doing that. Those who tried to attach it to an email were told that was wrong.

2. I read Chapter 15, went through the study guide and both PowerPoint presentations. Then I did the practice quiz. There were at least four questions on there clearly marked “Chapter 18″ with words and phrases not covered in chapter 15.

3. I just did the homework for Chapter 15 and again the fill in the blank questions were vague and hard to understand. There were grammatical errors that seriously affected what your answer might be. One question on directional, stabilizing, and disruptive selection was worded in such a way that it could have literally applied to two answers.

4. I read the lab chapter covering the same material, but the activities for that lab are not yet available under the learning module so that was only a small help.

I’ve tried reaching out to other students, and everyone else seems just as lost. If there are those out there on top of things, they’re not responding. We never got the study group chat room. There are no responses to our inquiries on the discussion boards, and my email and phone calls (during office hours) have not been returned.

I really do not want to log in tomorrow and flunk the Chapter 15 quiz because things aren’t clear, and any attempts at receiving clarification have gone unanswered. I took a lot of time out from four other classes, plus a five month old that’s not sleeping through the night, to study this chapter and it’s very frustrating to feel like you’re not going to do well. According to the syllabus, Mrs. Smith doesn’t check iCollege on the weekends except once on Sunday, yet everything is due by midnight tomorrow.

Yes, very frustrated. And now iCollege is going down in eight minutes until tomorrow morning. Perfect. Anyone who can provide any assistance is welcome to email me at my personal email nina@blogitoutb.com

This post received more than 20 responses from students who all agreed with me and expressed their frustrations. The same students who had been voicing concerns all week.

The instructor FINALLY logged on today (Sunday) and started responding first to the many comments on the lab’s discussion board.  She thanked me for helping Diana, she addressed concerns that were now moot because students had submitted work for the deadline.  She even posted a new thread saying she appreciated the comments because it showed that we were actively involved. I responded thanking her for recognizing that and even said that I understood that just like this wasn’t the only class most of us were taking, I’m sure it wasn’t the only class she was teaching.

I shouldn’t have been so nice. So, I logged into the lecture next and found this response to my “Very Frustrated” post:

Nina,

I know that this is easy to do, but I think that for comments like this. You should go to mail. I will not make any judgements about anything until I check the assignments submitted. If changes need to be made, I certainly will make suggestions or alterations.

I do know that if you do your homework assignments well, you will do on the tests.

Suppose you made 96 on the assignment? Then you have spent all of this energy for naught. And then brought on more confusion in the class.

I have seen you be very positive on other responses, I expect that from you in the future also.

For the others behind you. I will not make any comments. If you need to vent, and have concerns, we can talk personally. You can call my office at (insert number from which she doesn’t return calls here.) If I am not there please leave your telephone number so I can call you. Thanks for your cooperation.

Yes. She. Did.

The 96 she is referring to is my grade on the quiz for Chapter 15 in which she had questions for a chapter not assigned. Yes, I did well despite her mess of an exam.

Then I checked my email and found this email from her with the subject: “Chaos.”

Nina,

Please do not create chaos in my class. If you need to talk to me personally, please consider calling me at (useless number here.) I will call you back if I am not there.

YES. SHE. DID.

So then, I said…

I really don’t see how I caused any chaos or confusion. As stated in the syllabus, we were encouraged to voice questions and concerns in the message boards as they may be shared by several students and when you addressed them, that would ensure they were addressed for all.

All week there had been confusion as many students were voicing their questions and concerns to no response. Confusion and frustration that had nothing to do with me. As you noted in the lab discussion, I even helped other students when I was able to get a grasp on material others hadn’t.

I really don’t think it’s fair that I am being singled out in your online response when there’s a week’s worth of other students also voicing frustration and it is clearly encouraged in the syllabus. Why were the other students who responded not singled out?

I think it is completely reasonable to expect students to address concerns about vague questions, questions that seem to come from other chapters, and clarification on submission requirements in the message boards.

I did call you, I did email, and didn’t receive an answer until today, 24 hours after the material was due. My reaching out was not to cause confusion or chaos, or even criticize, it was done because I pay good money for these classes and I take my grades seriously. I don’t believe in asking questions after the deadlines. I had one bad experience with an online class and was advised by the department head to always voice such concerns ahead of time and in the open. I thought your policy listed in the syllabus supported the same. I guess I was wrong.

In the future, I will keep any questions or concerns I have over the material to emails or phone calls.

Thank you,

Nina

She JUST responded:

If you did well on the assignments, would you be fair enough to apologize to the students for causing such as uproar. Because again all was for naught.

Maybe we should meet with the dean and discuss our issues. We have a long way to go this semester, and I am not willing to communicate with you in a hostile manner each day.

Again, if you have personal issues, please call me on the phone, so that we can resolve issues in an appropriate manner.

I’m trying really hard not to lose my shit. For real.  My response?

I don’t understand why I would need to apologize. One, I didn’t cause anything. Again, there are days and days of comments from other students voicing frustrations before I wrote one word on the message boards. My comment went up at five minutes to ten p.m. on Friday night. Students were complaining from Tuesday. How did I cause that? Secondly, I did well because I studied.  I did well despite having to guess on questions in a chapter 15 quiz that were clearly labeled chapter 18.

We can definitely meet with the dean because of the fact that you equate asking questions in an open forum, as encouraged in the syllabus, and disagreeing with you in private with being hostile.

This is so far from personal. I am actually enjoying the material, and just want to make sure that what’s expected on exams, quizzes, homework, etc., is fair, clear, and consistent.

It’s really regrettable that you find this exchange hostile and personal, because it’s truly not on my part. I just honestly did not understand how I was labeled the “cause” of confusion that started before I said anything, AND managed to help others when I did.

I’ve never had to schedule a conference with a dean, so if there’s something I need to do on my part, just let me know.

Thank you,

Nina

Am I wrong? Seriously… tell me if I am.

I think she’s just mad because I said whatever everyone else had been saying, but prettier.

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